Reinvent yourself in 30 days. 30 effective tips

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Author: el_puzo 09/21/2020 6 comments


Self-development, Consciousness, Goals

In our lives we want to achieve a lot, accomplish a lot. But we don’t always understand that when we are constantly chasing something, we are not living in the present. For us, only imaginary periods of time of the future and past remain. The future has not yet arrived, the past no longer exists. And the present time is rushing past us. It’s worth stopping and thinking: are we living our own lives, and how to start living with our own mind and for our own pleasure .

We ourselves miss the best moments of life, getting lost in thoughts in the past and future. And then we complain about the constant lack of time. Let's be clear: only the present time is a truly meaningful place to live in the here and now. NOW you can find what you are looking for. Don't waste your time on trifles.

Think about whether it is important what other people say about you, what opinion they have about your personal life. Mandatory advice on arranging it: how to live, where and who to work with - will not make you happy. There is only one right way out: you must and can make decisions on your own and live your own life. Only you know what your happy life should be

Perhaps it’s time to change something in your worldview and start living your own full life, don’t you think?

It is important to understand that in order for life to follow in the right direction, you must first listen to yourself. Only then the last word remains with you, and not with someone else. At the same time, you should not neglect the advice of knowledgeable and experienced people in difficult situations. It is imperative to learn from the mistakes of others, because... stepping on your rake is much more painful. Good and useful advice can be taken into account. Learn to distinguish between the benefits for yourself from good advice and the bad influence from imposing someone else’s opinion.

However, you already know this, so let’s understand the nuances.

The pursuit should only be for “your” dream

Each of us has a dream, more than one, and everyone strives for it. At the same time, you have to ask yourself, is this really your dream, and isn’t it someone else’s? After all, very often people fulfill the dreams of their parents, brothers, sisters, and even friends. And then throughout their lives they suffer and suffer, for example, from the wrong chosen profession in life, when they have to come to work with a heavy heart and constantly force themselves.

There is an interesting practice for dividing the needs into your own and others, quite simple at the level of a small child: the “why?” exercise. - I don’t know the scientific term. Thanks to her, just asking yourself the questions “why do I want this?” and “why do I need this?” you can get to the source of any of your or imposed aspirations. More details in the article:

  • How to distinguish your desires from those imposed - an exercise “why?”

Many of us sometimes cannot find or understand what their dream is. For such people, insight can only come in old age. To prevent this from happening, you must definitely look for yourself, take small steps towards understanding and start with the little things. You can start doing something you like, with a favorite hobby, for example, just dedicate a little time to it several times a week. Let's say you know how to draw and you like it, so why not do what you love and spend just a couple of hours to become happier. Gradually your life will become filled with meaning, and you will be happy, right here and now.

Make sure that you strive for your dream, and not for other people’s desires imposed from the outside!

How to find yourself: tips and exercises

Finding yourself is not an easy task, but it is very exciting and exciting. Get ready to discover something new every day and get to know yourself from a new perspective. I have collected for you 10 practical recommendations from psychologists that will help you unlock your full potential and answer the questions that have accumulated inside.

Write your autobiography

Take time to sit down and write down all the key events in your life on a piece of paper. Try to put your emotions aside so that they don’t bother you.

Analyze all events without enthusiasm or regret. Consider every choice you make. What prompted you to do this and not otherwise? Was it entirely your choice, or did your parents, environment, society make it for you? When did you feel truly happy and yourself? Answer these questions honestly, without trying to embellish or hide anything from yourself. It is in our memories that the key to knowing ourselves is stored.

Remember what you liked to do as a child?

Inclinations and talents begin to manifest themselves at an early age. Relive your favorite childhood activities. If you can’t remember yourself, ask your parents. Maybe you really loved to draw? Or did you dance for hours on end? Or maybe you just loved watching beetles and caterpillars?

Try to revive your childhood hobbies. Perhaps it is in them that your true purpose lies, drowned out and sent to the deep layers of the psyche. Dig it up, shake off the dust and begin to slowly restore it. Don't be discouraged if you don't succeed right away. Be patient and persistent.

Find your life's work

The happiest people are people who are passionate about some business or idea. If you have an activity that lights a fire in your soul, you are very lucky. It doesn’t matter what it is – cross stitching, plate painting or growing ferns. Develop in what you love, improve, get energy from it. Don't listen to anyone who says that you are wasting your time on nonsense.

If you don’t have a favorite thing yet, read our article How to find your calling.

Take psychological tests

If you cannot find your purpose and understand yourself, use auxiliary materials. There are many psychological tests that determine a person’s character traits and inclinations. They are often used in career guidance to help a person decide on a future profession.

I have compiled for you a list of suitable tests that will help you better understand yourself and find your place in the sun. Answer questions sincerely and honestly.

  • John Holland Professional Personality Type Test

The test will help determine your aptitude for certain professions. During the passage you will need to choose from two professions the one that is more pleasant to you.

  • Eysenck test for determining temperament

The test will tell you who you are by temperament: sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic or melancholic. You will learn the characteristics of your nervous system and receive recommendations on choosing a suitable activity. The test consists of questions with two answer options, from which you need to choose the one that is closest to you.

  • A Study of Raymond Cattell's Personality Traits

The test will reveal your individual characteristics, interests and inclinations. You need to answer questions quickly and honestly.

  • Test to determine psychological attitudes, needs and motivation

The technique will determine which levers drive your behavior. It consists of 80 statements, each of which you need to try on yourself and determine whether it matches you or not.

Become self-reliant

To find your path and confidently walk along it, you need to stand firmly on your own two feet. The more you depend on someone else, financially or morally, the less freedom of choice you have. By taking advantage of someone else's care, you are giving the person power over you - remember this. While you, for example, live at the expense of your parents, you cannot help but take into account their opinion. Therefore, start taking steps towards complete independence and self-sufficiency.

It is clear that this is not a matter of one day, and it takes time to achieve complete freedom. Start moving in this direction now, and soon you will see the first results. You will have self-confidence, faith in your strengths and motivation to move towards your goal.

Get everything in order

Unresolved problems and unfinished business will not allow you to part with your past self and go in search of your present self. They will constantly drain your energy and attention and drag you back into a boring routine. To prevent this from happening, complete all tasks you have started and put on hold. Pay off debts, complete repairs, fix your teeth. This will literally make you breathe easier. You will feel that nothing is holding you back in your past life anymore, and you can confidently move towards change.

Get rid of mental defenses

Psychological defenses help a person deal with stress. But this happens due to a distortion of the perception of reality. Psychological defenses greatly interfere with the process of self-discovery and self-development. They hide real existing problems from consciousness, thereby depriving a person of the chance to solve them.

The table below lists the most common psychological defenses and provides recommendations on how to get rid of them.

NameCharacteristics of psychological defenseMethods of disposal
crowding outElimination of unpleasant experiences from consciousness. A person forgets about what causes him discomfort. Record your emotions in the most vivid detail on paper or video.
IntrojectionThe tendency to appropriate other people's values ​​and norms of behavior without trying to critically comprehend them.Listen to your inner voice more often. Question other people's judgments.
RationalizationAn attempt to devalue a goal that is unattainable for a person in order to protect self-esteem from falling. A striking example is Krylov’s fable “The Fox and the Grapes.” Honestly admit your mistakes and failures. Set realistic, achievable goals.
RegressionReturn to childhood behavior patterns (crying, whims, resentment) under severe stress.Learn to take responsibility for your emotions and feelings.
ProjectionAttributing your thoughts, motives, weaknesses, and vices to others.Recognize other people's subjectivity and difference from you.

Read inspiring self-development books

You are not alone in your search. History remembers millions of people who walked this path and found happiness. Learning from other people's experiences will help you avoid mistakes.

I have prepared for you a selection of my favorite books on self-discovery. Read them, get inspired and develop.

  1. "It is high time. How to turn a dream into a life, and a life into a dream,” Barbara Share.
  2. “Never. How to get out of a dead end and find yourself,” Elena Rezanova.
  3. “Purpose. Find your life’s work and realize your dreams,” Alexander Rey.
  4. “Red pill. Face the truth”, Andrey Kurpatov.
  5. “The power of the subconscious, or how to change your life in 4 weeks,” Joe Dispenza.

I also recommend reading our article Habits of Successful People.

Exercise "Train"

Choose a time and place where you will not be disturbed and do the following meditation. Imagine getting on a train and going on a long journey. The starting point is your life today, and the destination is the life you would like to have.

When landing, take a look around the world you are familiar with and mentally say goodbye to it. A wonderful future awaits you, in which you have found yourself and found your way.

When moving into your new life, try to remember everything down to the smallest detail. Look at yourself from the outside - who you have become, what you have achieved. Note all the changes that have happened to you. Now you have a guideline on where to move and what to strive for.

Exercise "Lottery"

Imagine that you won a huge amount of money in the lottery and now you can not work for the rest of your days. What would you be doing then? What would you devote your life to if you didn’t have to worry about a piece of bread?

Try to answer these questions honestly, or even better, present them figuratively. Describe one day in your new life as a millionaire. Pay attention to those activities that you enjoy doing without any material reward. They are the source of energy for you and a powerful internal resource.

Exercise “Three Paths”

Imagine having the opportunity to live three different lives. Think about what you would dedicate each of them to. You need to choose one thing. For example, you can devote your first life entirely to playing the guitar. Imagine performing at concerts, filling stadiums, and literally never being separated from your favorite instrument.

The second life can be dedicated to motherhood or fatherhood. You are a dedicated parent who is engrossed in raising your children. There is nothing more important to you than the happiness and well-being of your offspring.

The last path can be associated with scientific activity. You are a scientist and work from morning to night to improve people's lives. You are driven by a high goal and a thirst for knowledge.

Consider which of the three lives you would choose and how you would live it. Would you be happy if you had to make this choice in reality?

The point of this exercise is to understand that life is multifaceted and there should be room for various manifestations of your personality. By devoting it to one thing, we deprive ourselves of important and valuable experience. All three lives are your part, try to integrate them into one and realize all your goals, no matter how different they may be.

I also recommend watching a video on the topic.

The pursuit of stability or fear of change

We all want stability in life, to have a family, an apartment, a car, a job, etc. In addition to stability, there is also reliability and safety, but this is not always what you need in life. Behind stability there may be a fear of change . It is very unpleasant to realize that you have lived for many years with an unloved person, and made such a choice yourself, being afraid of loneliness. Or a job that they were afraid to change for a long time took a lot of effort, time and health.

Everyone has their own purpose in life, and most do not realize it. Often we strive to conform to someone else's idea of ​​what we should be. Think about whether you want to live like this. And then admit that somewhere you didn’t take a risk and didn’t change your life for a more interesting and better present and future. It might make sense to quit and start traveling. Or maybe, on the contrary, he will return from the peak of downshift and throw all his talent, for example, into science.

If your choice is made in favor of independent travel around our country and Asia, then we would like to offer a couple of tips:

  • Independent travel - the whole world is in your hands
  • Tips for beginners on independent travel

Behind apparent stability there is often a fear of change, which prevents you from taking important steps towards living a life of pleasure.

How to let go of the past

If you continue to carry the burden of past years behind you and constantly return to the past in your thoughts, then starting a new life will not only be problematic, but almost impossible. But many people find it very difficult to part with memories, even if they are sad and painful.

How to let go of the past and start living again?

  1. Stop replaying possible scenarios of past situations in your head . Eliminate from your thoughts the formulation: “But if only then, I would have done this.” What is done cannot be returned, so don’t fill your head with useless thoughts.
  2. Try not to make mistakes in the present so as not to regret them later. For some reason, human memory is designed in such a way that negative memories linger longer than happy moments. By your actions today you create your past. And it is in your power to make it cloudless and pleasant.
  3. Drive away the fear of change . Give yourself the mindset that your new life will be much better and happier. If you yourself believe in it, then, undoubtedly, it will be so.
  4. Carry out an audit of your home, getting rid of all things that remind you of the past . The same can be done in relation to the people around you with whom, for some personal reason, you have long wanted to stop communicating.
  5. Love yourself . After all, for the person you love, you always want to do everything in the best possible way, to protect you from all troubles. Become that person for yourself.

Chasing money or material possessions

We live in a society where everything is bought and sold for money. Without them we would not be able to exist comfortably. But let's reason, we learned from TV series that the rich also cry, and often do not find their happiness in money or expensive things. Many of us only think that we will be happy if we live in a big house, wear branded clothes, or have a new car. Unfortunately, most people don’t even experience this to check.

Big money always means it is more difficult to store and there is a danger of losing it. True, little money or its complete absence is no less a problem. Think about the fact that we become happier not when we spend money on buying a specific item (a trip, a theater ticket, a TV), but on satisfying our desires, for example: unforgettable impressions from traveling around the world, vivid emotions from going to the theater or, simply , the joy of purchasing a new TV.

Set the right goal and strive for it, remember that money cannot be a goal, it is only a means to achieve it, do not be lazy to read the article:

  • Setting the right goal is the key to living a life of pleasure

Go towards your dream or goal, and you will not be left without a livelihood. If you only chase money, you will lose your dream and end up empty. Take it easy on money, do what you love in life , work on projects that are interesting to you. And spend your money with pleasure, not only on yourself, but also on loved ones and friends, do it with ease at heart, and you will be in a good mood every day.

Money is just a means to achieve a goal, treat it more simply, because there are many ways to achieve goals

Why and where does our potential disappear?

Potential can be lost due to two trends:

  • One tendency is vegetation, that is, doing nothing

This is not always characteristic only of young people, but also of many older people. People don't even ask themselves how to understand themselves. But living well is not the goal.

A person should develop the habit of structuring his tasks on New Year's Eve for the next year. That is, he must write down specific tasks for himself in order to understand himself, and what needs to be done for this. For example, what do you need to do to improve your relationships, home, work, your appearance.

You need to write all this down and strive to complete these tasks throughout the year. Because in a year you will become older, there will be a feeling of life fatigue, resentment at life, in which for another year you have not been able to figure out the question: “what do I want from life.” If a person does not have specific goals that he has formulated in writing, then we can safely assume that there are no goals at all.

  • And the second tendency is the loss of one’s strength to take any action.

The forces that are not spent on achieving goals in life, not on finding oneself, are spent on activities such as:

  1. Party life. There are many people who do not regret spending their evening time on several cans of beer, packs of cigarettes, empty people and useless conversations;
  2. Computer games, social networks, watching meaningless movies, reading empty books or articles;
  3. Showdowns, gossip, scandals;
  4. Extreme entertainment;
  5. Pointless wandering around shopping. If a person is consumed by inner emptiness, and he does not know how to find the meaning of life, he tries to compensate for the emptiness with purchases, and often absolutely unnecessary ones;
  6. Excessive concern for household order. When a person has no real goals, he begins to fanatically clean three times a day or prepare some delicious dishes for his family in huge quantities.

The fact that many of us waste our energy on unjustified entertainment is not the end of all fears. It is important to ask yourself at least sometimes the question of why we perform all our actions. Our task is not to preserve ourselves, but to wisely spend our strength. In some situations, we spend a lot of our heart potential, physical and mental strength, time, finances, but in those cases when it is thoughtful, expedient and somehow justified.

And when we mindlessly play with life just for the sake of testing the adrenaline, it means that we cannot find the answer to the serious question of how to find the meaning of life. In reality, such people do not have specific goals and any opportunities to overcome vital obstacles.

To make sure that you are right about the pointlessness of your pastime, try to time your yesterday. For many, it turns out that two hours were spent meaninglessly wandering around the apartment, one hour spent in front of the mirror, one hour wandering around unwashed dishes, not daring to wash them, two hours of empty conversations on the phone, and so on, instead of resolving such a question: “how find yourself in life."

Work for your pleasure

Your life's work doesn't have to be an ongoing ordeal. The longer you stay at work, the more nervous you are, the more you work without vacations, the less health you have. And the desire to work disappears.

Scientific research shows that an employee who comes back from vacation works much more productively than someone who has not seen this vacation for many years. A rested person begins work with renewed vigor and a fresh outlook. He is able to do more things in less time. Take a step towards change and find something you like, change your boring job for a more interesting one. After all, nothing is impossible in our life. We set barriers for ourselves when in fact we can conquer any peaks. And a job you love can bring you pleasure.

Many people believe that it is not easy to go to work on the Internet, and only a few can do this. We are currently preparing a whole series of stories and proposals on the topic of remote work, but for now I recommend reading the article about making money online:

  • How to start working on the Internet

Find something you like, stop WORK and start WORKING for your own pleasure

Open up to new relationships

Setting up Tinder after a breakup is a standard procedure. Don't worry if thoughts about a new relationship immediately arise. It will be worse without such thoughts. Since you let a person into your inner world, after he leaves there remains a void that needs to be filled with something positive. New people are a great excuse to take your mind off sad experiences. Some people actually miss their ex until they meet someone new. And it doesn’t matter at all how much time has passed. If your ex allows you to make remarks like: “Yes, you weren’t sad for long,” then you are doing everything right. And if your exes find a mate, it will be even easier to realize that nothing can be returned, you need to create something new.

The pursuit of external beauty and youth

There is a lot of pressure now coming from the media. For example, about the beautiful appearance of various celebrities who have undergone a large number of plastic surgeries in order to quickly smooth out wrinkles, or enlarge their breasts, or make their eyes expressive. But there are no guarantees that you will maintain your health and not lose it.

You may be interested in: propaganda on TV, don’t let yourself be deceived

Pursue beauty in a natural way, namely; exercise, watch your diet, be in balance with your inner world - isn’t this the norm? When a person has found his purpose, does what he loves and is interesting to him, and does not forget about health and travel, then such a person will simply shine from the inside. None of us will ever become so old that we stop dreaming, setting new goals for ourselves and realizing them. You just need to believe in yourself.

If you still have a few extra pounds deposited on your sides, then I recommend the following series of articles about losing weight and working using the “bodyflex” method:

  • How to quickly get in shape - at home

Look after your health, but don’t go overboard, just spend a little time on exercise and nutrition

Those who did not engage in self-development

One way or another they come to develop themselves. With time and experience, they pay attention to those personality traits that they simply did not notice before.

For example, if a girl studied well at school, she could develop an excellent student complex, which led to a feeling of guilt, a desire to please, dependence on other people’s opinions, and so on.

This whole tangle needs to be unraveled and new habits built. If you have lost yourself as a person, you can find it again. But without studying psychological relationships, this will be quite difficult to do. Here the experience of psychologists will be very useful and will help get out of the situation.

That is, through self-development and work on oneself, a person gets the opportunity to find himself again, realize his values, set new goals, work on his inner resource and go on a further exciting journey with new meaning and new strength.

You don't need to prove anything to anyone

Always remember that you don't need to prove anything to anyone. If the people around you cannot accept your world as you created it, then it is time to move on. You live your life and build it the way you want. Many people only realize when they are on their deathbed that they should have listened to their true feelings and boldly lived by them, and not chased someone else’s opinion about themselves.

You need to learn to tell the difference, and be wary of those people who are trying to control you, who can make you feel guiltlessly guilty, or make you doubt yourself. People like vampires absorb internal forces and bring a feeling of emptiness from communicating with them. They put pressure on pity, on honor, on your promises, while manipulating you.

It is important to realize now that you owe nothing to anyone, only to yourself.

Personal aspect of self-confidence

There are no absolutely insecure people. Everyone has a certain area of ​​activity in which they feel competent. Every person knows the feeling of confidence. It is only important to extend it to other areas of your life.

How to do it? First of all, answer simple questions:

  • What gives you self-confidence? The feeling that the work was done well, the appreciation of others, the joy of the activity? It is important to remember that everyone has their own criteria for success, and you need to know what increases your self-esteem;
  • How does the feeling of confidence feel on the bodily level? Maybe you feel a surge of energy, a desire to move, or, on the contrary, you want to freeze to enjoy success;
  • When was the last time you felt inner confidence in your abilities? Remember the moment when you felt at your best, try to reproduce it in your memory as accurately as possible.

The answers to these questions will help you understand what it means to you to be confident. You must understand what goal you are striving for and what internal sensations arise in a situation of success.

People and relationships with them

We all have friends and acquaintances, and we know that we can only share our deepest secrets with a few people whom we trust very much. You must learn not to hold back people who move away from you, because all those who want to communicate will remain and be close. However, it is important to realize that not all relationships are healthy.

For communication, choose people who can always listen, whom you can trust, and with whom you can be yourself. And while traveling, you will meet new acquaintances, who are sometimes better and much more interesting than a couple of old bores whom you considered friends for many years. Remember the law of the can of crabs, when those who remain below hold those who want to get free - this works even more effectively with people. Don't be afraid to run away from the crab people

Don't hold on to old connections - your loved ones shouldn't drag you down,

All your friends want to talk to you

Give up the thought that no one needs your problems, you are afraid of becoming obsessive. Firstly, this is what friends are for, to help each other in difficult moments. Secondly, if you find yourself obsessive, everything is simple, and there is no need to invent something that is not there. Even if your friend is not Osho, he will share his outside view and support you with a sincere attitude. You can offend your loved ones if you let problems and doubts eat you up from the inside. You will upset your friends if you don't talk about your worries and fears. Don't hurt those you love.

If your friend is generally far from interpersonal relationships and has not encountered anything like this, even better. This means you won’t dwell on the topic “I love you, how to live on, I can’t breathe.” Just take a break, laugh, argue. Some time after the meeting, note to yourself that, it turns out, you can be happy after a breakup and you have forgotten about your problems for a while.

Where to look for your love

Love is the feeling that inspires us and colors life in bright colors. It must be mutual. If you don't have this and you are constantly competing for someone's attention, you may end up getting hurt. You need to let go of this attitude, then true love will knock on your door. Pay attention to yourself, accept yourself as you are, occupy your mind with interesting things and discoveries. Find a hobby that you enjoy and will expand your circle of communication, where you can find like-minded people, acquaintances, friends and your love. For example, take a contemporary art class or join a hiking group. This will increase your chances of meeting interesting people and meeting your soul mate among them.

Love is a great driving force, but don’t chase it, it will find you as soon as you let go of the situation.

This article will be useful:

  • How to deal with the autumn blues

No need to hold back your emotions

At first it will be a lake of tears (“Na-na-na-na, she abandoned me, in the lakes of tears, I see right through everything”). Later, you may radiate anger and resentment. It would be great not to pick up breakable objects, phones, laptops in moments of emotional peak. But if I had known where you would fall, I would have laid out straws. It’s not always possible to predict your state after a breakup, so you don’t have to worry about material losses, the main thing is to get into a normal mental state. You are going through a kind of cleansing, so you don’t have to worry about showing emotions, even if you always keep everything under control.

Emotional physical release is ideal. In large Ukrainian cities there are already “rage rooms” where you can calmly destroy everything you can get your hands on. This is the safest way to calm down and move on to a new life.

Why do we exist and not live?

Yes, because we do nothing, we live by inertia, as it turns out. And everything would be fine if they didn’t whine. The problem for many is that they do not come to terms with difficulties that they do not want to change, but are constantly worried about it. But don't. There are two main reasons why a person exists and does not live:

  1. He worries about his problems.
  2. Oh I'm not ready to change anything.

Actually, what is the problem? This is such an abstract substance that always sits in your head. For there to be a problem, it must be recognized. That is, if you do not recognize the presence of difficult situations in yourself, then they do not exist. But you shouldn’t escape reality. Some difficulties are much better to solve than to wait meekly for them to accumulate.

Punch that mug in the face

To be strong, you need to fight the strongest. Therefore, under no circumstances should you attack an obviously weak opponent. Be careful, there is some idiot standing there, showing his disgust with his entire appearance. You won't be respected unless you spit in his face. He has very evil eyes, and you are a warrior of good and must win today.

Defense and fighting tactics - leave that to the karatekas. You are invulnerable, you are Deadpool, do not try to dodge blows, show your opponent that you cannot be broken.

What does it mean to live your life?

Living your life means feeling like a little bit of a magician. This is to create your own world, take the situation into your own hands, learn to forgive, become more flexible and wise, change yourself, change your life and those around you.

To better understand how your inner changes will change your life, remember the device of a projector. You insert a vague picture in front of a light bulb, and on the wall you see a large, full-fledged image. This will happen in your life - one internal change will make the picture of life multi-colored and convex, full of details that you have not even thought about.

It's not so easy to feel like you are the master of life. For some it takes years, for others the process goes faster. The main thing is your desire and determination to walk this path consciously and cast aside all doubts and fears. But an amazing feeling of delight awaits you when you take control into your own hands and begin to simply live your life.

Take the self-esteem test


The first thing you need to do is determine why this is happening. There is no need to resist, no need to fight, but you just need to accept the situation as it is. You need to accept what is happening as your destiny. Accept that if this happens, then it must be so. Even if you don’t yet understand why this is happening, you still need to take what is happening for granted, which cannot be avoided, no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you try. Acceptance is the hardest thing. Here you need knowledge, you need awareness. You need to understand what is happening. When there is awareness, then there is no pain, there is no suffering. Suffering only comes from ignorance. At the very beginning, you just need to swallow this bitter pill. Just accept. Take responsibility for what is happening. Neither the other one is bad, but he does this because it is necessary now. Understanding will come later. But already accepting the situation at the first stage, as part of your life, will open an understanding of what is happening and show the right decisions.

How to learn to live and not exist?

The answer is amazingly banal and simple: start living . Although you don’t know how to do it yet, it can be fixed. But not a single skill will be achieved if you do not take real action to correct your disastrous state. There is one more point: you all always know at least a little. Yes, even if you think the opposite.

How to prove this? It’s very simple: there are two types of activities that complement each other. The first is external activity , which is visible to other people. But much more important is the second, internal one , which is only in your imagination. Before we do something, we always draw a very detailed image of how it will happen.

So, the key points to start living:

  1. They understand the line where people live and do not exist;
  2. Set life goals. Write a plan for the life you would like to live;
  3. Start taking action, at least small;
  4. Learn to enjoy life and enjoy life;
  5. Compare yourself yesterday and today. Draw conclusions. Perhaps a year ago you did not have what you have today. Raise the bar and compare yourself a year from now.

Most people don't value what they have. Sometimes you can notice that disabled people enjoy life more than able-bodied people. They know how to truly live and appreciate every day, they do not look for excuses, but live with what is given to them, adapting to the blows of fate, overcoming them and sometimes receiving more than you and I.

Now look: you have an idea of ​​what it means to “live and not exist”? Don't say no, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question. You have an image of how you want to live, it’s just formed only on a subconscious level. Therefore, let’s proceed directly to its awareness, but for this we need to do several exercises.

Be a fighter for truth

If your half says that she has no one, trust, but check. See who likes your exes. Go to the pages of these people, check if there are any likes of your exes. Geotag photos of your exes. Compare whether anyone else was photographed in the same places and at the same time.

Be bold - like possible candidates for your position. Write a comment “Cool, great, expensive restaurant.” You can also drop links to credit services or a course of help from a psychiatrist with a mysteriously approving “You’ll need this soon.” In the end, you can directly write to your ex: “I know everything, it’s your choice!” Work on the edge like an FBI detective. You can resort to verbally discrediting your opponent to understand whether your ex needs this person.

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