How to increase self-esteem is a question that worries many, because the success of an individual and his behavior depend on the level of self-esteem. More often people underestimate themselves and their potential than they overestimate. Due to low self-esteem, a person may miss out on many opportunities. Violation of self-esteem begins with improper family upbringing, since its formation occurs primarily in childhood. Self-esteem is the main regulator of individual behavior. It is on this that interpersonal relationships, exactingness, criticality, and attitude towards one’s successes and failures depend.
Causes of self-doubt in adults
Important Self-Esteem
- this is a person’s assessment of himself, his capabilities, qualities and place in the world, an assessment of his influence on others. Self-esteem is the foundation of self-confidence and, in general, the foundation of a person’s personality.
What influences the formation of self-esteem?
First of all, it is the totality of our past and present. The source of possible problems could be upbringing in a parental family, if your parents adhered to an authoritarian or indifferent style of parenting, if you had problems at school with indifferent, overly strict teachers, or cruel classmates who bullied you, perhaps you were a sickly child with special appearance or development.
The supporting factor is your present. These may be indifferent, critical, or even cruel people around you, the inability to cope with character traits such as indecisiveness, fearfulness, suspiciousness, ongoing or newly emerging health problems.
Here is a more detailed list of problems that can cause low self-esteem:
- experience of abuse (psychological, physical or a combination of them);
- experiencing discrimination or stigmatization, bullying, bullying;
- presence of problems in relationships with loved ones;
- chronic stress (link to YouTube);
- difficulty performing work/school responsibilities;
- concerns about body image;
- financial insecurity;
- loss of job, difficulty finding work;
- health problems;
- mental health problems.
Self-esteem issues
Historically, society places more responsibility on men than on women. And it makes much more demands. Therefore, in a sense, they have more reasons for stress and, often, for self-deprecation.
After all, it is impossible to always meet someone’s expectations - you cannot earn all the money, plant all the trees; Not everyone will be able to build their own home right away. But if society gives a woman a break, then a man will have no mercy.
Such frameworks drive him into a state of stress. And okay, if it were just stress, but sometimes a man begins to lose confidence in his abilities and, in general, in his human worth. So, the topic of today’s conversation is how to increase a man’s self-esteem and confidence.
Signs of low self-esteem
How can you tell if you have low self-esteem? Read the signs of low self-esteem listed below, answer the questions “yes” or “no”; if it is difficult for you to answer unambiguously, choose what is closer to your character (most likely yes, more likely no).
- You have difficulty making decisions;
- You are constantly afraid of making a mistake;
- You can decide to take any action only when you are 100% sure of the result;
- You constantly belittle yourself and your abilities, think that others are superior to you in all aspects;
- You are afraid of the new, afraid of change;
- You avoid risks;
- You are almost always tense and nervous, especially in situations of uncertainty;
- In principle, you find it difficult to endure a situation of uncertainty, it causes you pain and fear;
- You avoid initiative;
- You are quite shy and have few or no friends;
- You give up very quickly if real or perceived difficulties arise. Sometimes even before the start of any activity;
- If something goes wrong, you feel a strong sense of guilt, even if you are not really responsible;
- You are pessimistic most of the time;
- You do not believe in the success of your actions.
If you answered yes to three or more questions, then most likely your self-esteem is low. All this negatively affects a person’s life, his mood, success at work, social and emotional relationships. You can and should work with this.
conclusions
Most often, self-esteem is formed in childhood and consolidated during the formation of personality. Low self-esteem prevents a person from realizing his full potential in life, being confident in his uniqueness, and accepting his characteristics and shortcomings.
Remember: it is impossible to increase your self-esteem by complimenting others. Compliments are an assessment of others, even if people highly evaluate a person, he may have low self-esteem because he is not able to evaluate himself objectively. The most effective way to increase self-esteem is psychotherapeutic work with a person’s automatic thoughts and deep-seated beliefs.
Psychology, Self-esteem
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Why increase self-esteem?
The main advantage of adequate, strong self-esteem is a good relationship with yourself, trust and self-love, and self-acceptance. This means that you will be able to set goals for yourself and have enough motivation, determination and desire to achieve them and realize your potential.
You need to work with self-esteem in order to:
- To accept yourself in the moment as you are, without trying to change;
- To trust yourself, your feelings and rely on them;
- To awaken your creativity, independence, motivation and thirst for life;
- To be willing to admit your mistakes and correct them;
- To be generous, flexible, able to dialogue and collaborate;
- To improve relationships with others. Only by loving and forgiving ourselves can we love and forgive others.
Important Only stable self-esteem will give you the opportunity to live the life you want
TOP 5 methods from psychologists:
Here are 5 great methods to work on these areas and strengthen the foundation of your personality:
- Diary of achievements
Write down all your achievements starting from early childhood: Learned to read at 3 years old - excellent, won a cup in a yard football tournament - great. Unfortunately, your parents raised you in such a way that all your achievements were devalued and failures were cultivated. Become your own kind, admiring parent. Remember everything and praise from the bottom of your heart. Feel the taste of success.
- Affirmations
It's like a magic spell, but it works. Choose one affirmation that fills you with positivity and does not argue with your inner attitude. For example, if speaking publicly is torture for you, you should not persistently repeat “I am the star of the stage” - your brain will not believe you, this will cause dissonance and irritation. Start with something simpler and more general, but different from the current state. For example, “I am confident in myself.” Repeat every day 50 times, for example, before going to bed or in the morning, setting yourself up for a good day.
- Practice Gratitude
Every day, mark at least 5 reasons to thank others, the universe, and nature. It's better to do this in writing, in diary format.
- Praise yourself
Find at least 5 reasons to praise yourself every day. I got up early, replaced the bun with salad, did exercises, read a book instead of social media. nets, helped my grandmother cross the road. Everything you do that is useful for yourself and others should not be taken for granted - these are good, correct actions and you deserve praise.
- Find and neutralize
The most difficult, but most effective exercise. Sit down and write down all the negative beliefs that your parents, grandfathers and teachers filled your head with. All these “You are incapable of anything; We haven’t lived well and there’s nothing to start with; This is not for you: where are you, and where is Moscow State University"
and similar introjects. All this needs to be written down on paper, spoken about and challenged. Find an antithesis for each thesis, work until you understand that these are just words that convey the fears and concerns of other people. This is not the truth, and it has nothing to do with you.
Important! The affirmation must be formulated without particles of “not” and negation, in the present tense, must be positive and relate only to you. For example, not “I’m not afraid to perform. The audience accepts me well,” and “I am confident on stage, I have good contact with the audience.”
Simple practical exercises to increase self-esteem
Here are a few more exercises to help consolidate your success.
- Confront your inner critic.
This is a continuation of the exercise about negative attitudes. Now that you know how to work with it, immediately, without hesitation, give out the antithesis to your inner whiner. For example, you are offered a promotion, a nasty inner voice immediately tightens your voice: “No, you can’t handle it, you can’t, you won’t succeed.” Answer him: “Everything will work out for me, and even if it doesn’t, I will still try, and nothing will stop me. It’s better to do it and regret it than not to do it and regret it. This is just a job, and, fortunately, I am not a neurosurgeon or an astronaut, I can afford to make mistakes.”
- Stop comparing yourself to others.
We all do it, all the time. You must understand only one thing - no one knows what the person with whom you compare yourself really is, what he feels, thinks, what happens behind the closed doors of his home. You are not comparing yourself to this person, but to the small piece of his life that he shows you. This is true even in relation to fairly close people, let alone successful beautiful people from Instagram.
- Compare yourself to yourself.
This is a useful exercise, especially if you are doing something seriously: study, business, etc. Progress is often invisible, you need to look back and reconstruct events, and then you will see how much you have achieved. And also, sometimes the progress really isn’t that great, but there might not have been any.
- Take care of yourself.
People with low self-esteem believe that they do not deserve love and care. And, here’s a surprise, they really often don’t get enough of them. Love yourself - who else if not you. Every day, do something based on your own interests: delicious tea, an expensive dessert, a walk, a good book, a massage. What you love but are afraid to afford.
- Learn to accept compliments.
When someone says something good to you, even you to yourself, don’t brush it off, don’t say: “What are you talking about, it’s not worth it, I just slept today” or “Is this really an achievement, it’s nonsense, here’s Yesenin at my age “Just accept with gratitude (remember the point about gratitude, now is the time to show it) and respect.
- Seek support.
Contact your friends and family, if they are the critics who bring down your self-esteem, find interest groups. Or, sign up for a consultation with a psychologist.
It’s better to move toward your goal at a snail’s pace than to come up with excuses at the speed of light for why you’re standing still.
Bodo Schaefer
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How to learn to value yourself?
Increasing your self-worth begins with developing self-esteem. Tested psychotherapy techniques recommended by psychologists specializing in women’s fears and complexes will help with this:
- Awareness of your uniqueness. Each personality has an individual set of qualities: habits, needs, strengths - every woman has them. Individuality is the main value of a person, the basis of a positive attitude towards oneself. Having realized what is special and special, you can present yourself correctly in society, and also learn to value yourself.
- Self-development. To respect yourself, you need to objectively increase your own value: devote more time to developing your intellect, comprehensive education, and improving your health. It is enough to give yourself at least 15–20 minutes a day to get noticeable results within a year.
- Focus on the positive. You need to highlight 3-5 strong qualities and focus on them.
When engaging in self-development, it is important to exclude from your information field all negative attitudes that can devalue and reduce the positive effect of psychotherapy.
Self Confidence Test
Here is an interesting and not boring test of self-perception.
Draw a staircase with 10 steps. Now use a blue pen to draw yourself on these stairs. Take a pen of a different color (green, for example) and draw yourself, but where you think others see you: relatives, friends, colleagues.
The blue man is your self-esteem, the way you evaluate yourself - your abilities, qualities and personality stability. The green man is how you think your environment evaluates you - family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, strangers.
Let's start with the interpretation:
- If the little people are too far from each other (more than two steps) - this indicates that your self-esteem is inadequate, you are unable to correctly assess yourself and your place in society.
- Where is the blue man? Below the 3rd step or even at the foot of the stairs - your self-esteem is greatly underestimated.
- Is he standing very high? Above stage 7. Your self-esteem is inadequately inflated. As a rule, this is a temporary phenomenon and such self-esteem is actually the downside of very low.
- If your little man is standing on steps 4-7, and the green one is no more than a couple of steps up or down, you're good. Your self-esteem is not high and not low, but corresponds to reality, and is capable of performing all the functions of a reliable foundation.
Under the guise of high self-esteem and arrogance, self-doubt, shame and self-deprecation are usually hidden.
Irwin Yalom
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