Girlfriend... Many women tend to put a lot of meaning into that word, considering a friend to be at least a blood sister with whom you can easily share your most secret things, whom you can trust as much as yourself. But life is a great joker and at times it can play a good joke on those women who, until recently, considered themselves best friends. In most cases, to do this, she forces them to fight for one man between two. So what should you do if you like your friend's boyfriend? How to force yourself not to give in to temptation and not to beat your friend's boyfriend away.
Don't try to stand out from the crowd
Subconsciously, almost every woman, having met a handsome guy, begins to try to put herself in order and look as good as possible. This may be expressed in the fact that she will begin to wear more and more pronounced makeup, or dress more provocatively.
Dear ladies should not do this as the change in behavior immediately becomes noticeable from the outside. And absolutely all your friends (besides the friend herself, of course, will notice that both of you care about the same guy). You shouldn’t do this, and you should put on makeup and dress as usual, no matter how much you liked your friend’s boyfriend. Communication should also not be conspicuous and attract undue attention. It should be the same as with any other male representative.
In order not to cross out your former friendship, you should carefully ensure that you do not flirt with him. Also, don't talk too much in front of him. This will also attract unnecessary negative attention. If friendly feelings are not false, then you definitely don’t want to upset your friend, much less, take her boyfriend away from her.
Less time together2
If the situation is such that your friend has a boyfriend who you really like personally, try to spend as little time as possible with your friend and her new boyfriend. Don't follow the couple around, let them quietly enjoy each other's company alone.
Even when your girlfriend personally invites you to a joint picnic in nature, it is best to refuse and not give in to unnecessary temptations. Just let them be alone and don’t make your heart beat faster and stronger. This is especially true in cases where you already feel sympathy for him. Of course, you are not prohibited from spending a certain amount of time in the company of your friend and her new companion. But it’s still worth trying to keep this communication to a minimum.
Without reducing the distance3
In order to resist the temptation and not start flirting with your friend’s boyfriend, you need to try to maintain a certain distance with him. But, you need to be careful here, especially if you really like the guy.
Your best friend's boyfriend is not the best option for communication. The line between friendship and love is very thin. That is why, in order to reduce the risk of such rapprochement to a minimum, it is necessary to maintain polite detachment. It’s best to try to communicate with him even less than with the rest of the guys around you.
Strengthen your friendship with your friend4
In order to avoid a quarrel with your best friend when she has a new lover, you need to try to be nicer and friendlier than usual. Time spent alone with a friend will allow you to leave everything in its place and strengthen friendly feelings.
The fact that she has a new boyfriend does not give you a reason to spend less time together than usual - have fun, relax as always. True, it is advisable to do this in private, without the participation of a new boyfriend. If you don’t limit meetings with your friend, have confidential conversations with her as before, you can protect yourself from the mere thought of stealing her boyfriend. Your conscience simply will not allow you to hurt your beloved friend.
Why does a man communicate with other women?
When a guy pays attention to women and constantly looks at their pages on the Internet, this indicates his insecurity in relationships. There are many reasons why a guy communicates with strangers:
READ How to stop being jealous and screwing yourself up: advice from a psychologist for women
- lack of attention from your significant other;
- domestic troubles, constant quarrels;
- the desire to make a partner jealous;
- desire to flirt;
- the guy simply does not limit himself, allowing the presence of several girls in his life at once;
- a way of self-affirmation - the interest of other women increases self-esteem;
- lack of sexual desire for a partner (when a woman gets married, she relaxes and does not try to look seductive for her husband);
- his wife is no longer interested in his affairs, and he receives constant compliments from other ladies;
- a guy can start corresponding with a girl with whom he is engaged in a common activity;
- feeling of falling in love.
When two people are in a long-term relationship, sexual interest decreases and emotions fade. Partners become closer on a psychological level, but the passion goes away. A man strives to experience new sensations. If he is found to have extraneous connections, it is necessary to urgently analyze the relationship in order to exclude betrayal.
Don't share your feelings for her boyfriend with her5
You shouldn’t think that a frank conversation with your friend about how you have developed true feelings for her boyfriend will help strengthen the friendship and inspire even more trust, but it’s completely in vain. It’s definitely not worth doing this.
No matter how close your friendship is, your friend will definitely not like this turn of events. In any case, even trusting you as herself, she will feel internal subconscious fears that the guy might pay attention to you and leave her for a new relationship.
By the way, you should not immediately focus her attention on your sympathy, even if she and her friend have already separated and the guy is, as they say, in free swimming. In any case, deep down, a friend may still be worried about her unfulfilled love, and talking about how you are going to take her place will not lead to anything good at that moment.
If the situation has developed this way, wait a while and only after it has passed, inform your friend that you are going to start a relationship with her, by the way, ex-boyfriend.
Regardless of when exactly you are going to inform your friend about your relationship with her ex-boyfriend, you should not carry out any actions behind her back (including dates with the guy you like).
Of course, exceptions to the rules do happen and are found, albeit very rarely such truly faithful friends who will accept your revelation without any extra thoughts and maybe even help with their advice. But, to be honest, this doesn’t happen often.
Conclusion
Feelings are feelings, and true friendship is quite rare. Think carefully again, is it worth sacrificing your trusting relationship with your friend for the sake of being infatuated with her boyfriend?
There are a lot of free men in the world, and you can probably find a suitable match if you don’t sit back. But if your love for your friend’s chosen one haunts you, try to talk to both of them and find out their opinion about this situation. There is a chance that not everything is going smoothly for them, and the guy has reciprocal feelings for you.
In any case, after your declaration of love, the old friendship will no longer exist. Trust is lost and friendships are marred by a knife in the back. Be prepared for the fact that your friend will not forgive you. Remember also that your romantic message may remain unanswered. If a guy loves his girlfriend dearly, he will at least not reciprocate your feelings, and may even laugh in your face.
You should also approach your friend's ex-boyfriend with caution. It is unknown whether their feelings have cooled down or not. Therefore, be careful and take your time. If this is your fish, then it will not fall off the hook.
Rely on His Majesty Chance and ask higher powers for help. Everything will happen as programmed by your fate line: you will either learn a tough lesson or become a happy, beloved woman. The main thing is to never lose heart and accept everything that happens with gratitude.
Don't tell anyone6
When you are in love, of course, you want to share your emotions with the whole world. But this is definitely not worth doing. If you tell one or more friends about this, soon the thought of it will spread throughout all your mutual acquaintances. Accordingly, an unpleasant situation will arise for you. Especially considering that we're talking about your best friend's boyfriend.
This development of events is completely unsurprising in itself, since people, in principle, are not inclined to keep other people’s secrets, and a situation where two friends have one guy tends to arouse increased interest. You shouldn’t expose your feelings for your friend’s boyfriend to the public for discussion.
Don't go anywhere with her boyfriend7
Probably, this sub-item is clear without any additional explanations on the topic of what to do if you like your friend’s boyfriend. An ambiguous situation can unwittingly provoke your rapprochement with a guy and even lead to consequences that you will probably regret in the near future.
Why do guys talk to other girls?
To answer this question, you should familiarize yourself with the methodological literature of famous psychoanalysts.
Sigmund Freud, whose psychological competence needs no discussion, speaks of the appearance of a third party in a relationship as a way of replenishing missing sexual energy. The scientist believes that the hormones endorphins and serotonin, which are especially intensely released during intimacy, can be born during a pleasant conversation with the opposite sex. This conversation is an acceptable alternative to sexual contact. Based on Freud's opinion, we can conclude that a man corresponds with someone else in order to experience sexual satisfaction.
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How to strengthen your relationship with a guy: useful recommendations from psychologists
This opinion has been criticized by modern psychotherapists. Eric Berne, author of the theory of communicative manipulation, encourages people to distinguish between spiritual and physical intimacy. He attributes communication “on the side” to the so-called “desire to experience psychological strokes.” Berne is confident that human relationships were invented to provide the individual with satisfaction:
- in communication;
- in recognition;
- in compliments;
- in a sense of self-realization;
- in emotions.
The lack of satisfaction of the emotional components in a couple forces one of the partners to replenish them from the outside. A man who wants to feel psychological strokes corresponds with other women and gains a sense of spiritual comfort.
Your actions after their breakup8
Even if you really like your friend’s boyfriend, you shouldn’t try to throw yourself on his neck immediately after they break up. Such behavior may well offend her very much. Indeed, due to the current circumstances, you must first of all console her, and not your ex-boyfriend. If you throw yourself on his neck, you can greatly hurt your friend’s feelings and forever lose her trust and, accordingly, destroy your friendship.
You shouldn't waste time on your girlfriends' current or former boyfriends, because there are a lot of guys in the world who are worthy of your attention.
In conclusion, we can remember the true statement that it is worth doing to others as you want to be done to you. That’s why, before you “set your eyes on” your friend’s boyfriend, think about whether it would be nice for you if she, in your place, took the guy away from you. So, in order not to think about what to do if you like your friend’s boyfriend, it is better to immediately get rid of these thoughts and look for a more suitable man for a relationship.
I like my friend's boyfriend
Dear girls, hello!
I continue the theme of the love triangle started in previous articles. What to do when you like your friend's boyfriend? What to do in such a situation? How to get out of it with the least losses for all participants? Read the recommendations of interpersonal relationship specialists and make your choice.
Friend's boyfriend likes
I like my friend's boyfriend
As the old song says: “Love will come unexpectedly when you least expect it...” Well, maybe not love, maybe you just started to realize that you like your close friend’s boyfriend and are now at a loss, wondering what to do? After all, there are certain moral principles that you would not want to violate. In fact, you don’t have to think that your case is unique; such situations occur quite often. Psychologists offer several options for the development of events
Retreat
The best option (based on generally accepted concepts of friendship and honor). In this case, you will 100% maintain a good relationship with your friend. Of course, you should keep your feelings for your guy a secret from both your girlfriend and him, and in general, none of your mutual friends should know about them. No hints, sighs or meaningful glances, so as not to raise unnecessary questions! The best thing is not to communicate with your friend’s boyfriend at all. Or at least minimize meetings with him (by chance, in common companies). And to meet with a friend only when she is without him, exclusively in women’s companies.
Advice: in order to quickly forget about a young man, you need to switch your attention to something else. Ideally, get to know another guy, even if you don’t fall in love with him, but spend time together. Or it may happen that this acquaintance for “therapeutic purposes” will eventually develop into a serious feeling and you will begin a real romance with excellent prospects! You can distract yourself by devoting more attention to your career. Or sign up for some courses and “load” your free time with gaining new knowledge.
In any case, this scenario requires serious moral effort on your part. But as a result, you will maintain a wonderful relationship with your friend, your good name and dignity, and this is worth a lot!
Take a “time out” (pause)
This option is suitable when you like your friend’s boyfriend and you see that they treat each other without much love. They do not meet very often and the “bonfire of love” between them does not burn with a bright flame, but barely smolders. In this case, be patient and just wait until their feelings for each other completely disappear, then start acting. But in this case, it is possible that your friend will react with indignation to this development of events and condemn you. That is, there is a risk of losing a good relationship with her. If this option doesn’t scare you, then you don’t need to avoid meeting together and keep your distance from her boyfriend. But you shouldn’t openly demonstrate your feelings for him; it’s better to stay as usual.
Open up
You realize that you like a guy so much that you are unable to cope with your feelings. Then you can take a risk and openly tell your friend about everything. Your confession will almost certainly cause a sea of negative emotions in her, or even a major scandal. The worst thing in this situation is that you will almost certainly be able to put an end to your friendship with her. And the most offensive thing in this case will be that such frankness will be in vain, because the guy did not experience any reciprocal feelings for you. That is, to your love suffering will be added moral torment over lost female friendship.
Secret meetings
The option cannot be ruled out when you start dating a young man secretly from your friend, behind her back. This goes against all the norms of morality and friendship, but in life many girls and boys choose just this type of relationship. A huge disadvantage is that sooner or later your meetings will cease to be just your secret and your friend will find out about them. What will happen next - guess for yourself. Moreover, if a relationship is built on causing pain to another person, it will not be durable and strong, remember this.
"On someone else's misfortune happiness can not be built!" our ancestors said and they were right. It is also worth thinking about the fact that if your friend’s boyfriend so easily agreed to secret meetings with you, then he will just as easily get himself the next young lady in secret from you... As a result, you will lose everything - both friendship and a new guy. But you will get a bad reputation. “Homewrecker” and “Bitch” are the softest epithets that those around you will reward you with and it will be very difficult to get rid of them even after many years..
Advice from psychologists
What to do if you like your friend’s boyfriend and you are completely confused about it. Psychologists suggest the following: In a calm environment, do this exercise. On a blank sheet of paper (divided into 2 columns), write down on the left all the good things that meetings with your friend’s boyfriend can bring you. Everything you expect to receive from them, and indeed why you need this relationship. Add here those qualities of a guy that attract you to him.
And fill the right column with all those unpleasant moments (which are written about in this article and many others not mentioned) that await you if you start a relationship with a guy. And also everything that you don’t like about him.
And then read both lists very, very carefully and listen to what your heart tells you. And only then make the final decision. In any case, it will be exclusively YOUR choice and you will also be responsible for it.
Wish you happiness!
P/S Don’t forget that on our planet, besides your friend’s boyfriend, there are many millions of other guys, and one of them, absolutely free, will be happy to build a wonderful relationship with you!
A little humor at the end:
“A real girl should always look so that even gays, looking back after her, think: “Maybe I’m in vain after all?”
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