It would seem that living together before marriage is a good way to understand whether the two of you are comfortable together, whether you can cope with common problems. But there is one catch. After living together for some time, you get used to the established order. You have pets, common things, and a closely connected social circle. It's easier to stay together than to break off a relationship, even if there are problems. You end up getting married because it seems like a natural progression of events. Not because you actually decided to take the relationship to the next level.
To avoid finding yourself in such a situation, psychologist Scott Stanley advises checking compatibility before living together.
Watch how your partner behaves with relatives and friends
When starting to date, many couples forget about everyone else and spend time just the two of them. But it is so difficult to understand how a partner behaves with others. Yes, you have chemistry, you are attracted to each other, but this attraction will not always be so strong. Therefore, it would be good to find out how your partner treats other close people. Perhaps in the future this will affect you too.
When interacting with people you grew up with, old habits often return. Perhaps your partner keeps them under control for now, but they will appear later. Just don't make hasty conclusions. Almost everyone has conflicts with relatives that do not affect their partner. So first of all, look at general patterns of behavior.
Set unrealistic goals or plan activities that are too boring
Traveling lovers often share two roles: one leads, the other follows. This is especially true if partners are visiting a place that one of them has already been to.
If you are the organizer, make sure to take into account your partner's preferences and capabilities. The to-do list you have compiled is acceptable to you, but your significant other may find it boring or, conversely, too busy.
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If you tend to be number two and just follow the leader who has prepared the travel itinerary, speak up when he needs to change something in his plans. The accumulation of grievances is harmful; it is better to immediately discuss all controversial issues.
Well, if they don’t hear you, it’s time to rethink the behavior – both your own and your other half’s.
Discuss your principles and expectations
To live in harmony, you don’t have to agree with your partner on absolutely everything. But you will definitely have a better chance if your core values are aligned. So talk about them before you get too far into the relationship. At the beginning of your acquaintance, you can touch on them in passing, and when you feel that things are getting serious, discuss them in more detail.
- Are you religious?
- Where do you want to live?
- Are you ready to move for work?
- Do you want to have children?
- How important is your career to you?
- Will it become a problem if the partner works a lot or travels frequently for business?
- Are you planning a budget?
- How do you generally behave with money?
When having these discussions, keep two things in mind. First, falling in love makes potential sources of conflict seem insignificant. You hope that love will conquer everything or that your partner will change his mind later. But people rarely change their principles and beliefs. So be completely honest with yourself and your partner. Decide what you are willing to put up with and what you are not.
Secondly, do not forget that predicting your future actions is very difficult. It may seem to a partner that he will do this and that, but it is not a fact that this will happen. Therefore, not only listen to words about the future, but also look at behavior now.
Focus on plans and forget about spontaneity
Most people have set ideas about their dream vacation. But our life can be generous with surprises. In most cases, at least something starts to go wrong. And if you make a fuss every time something doesn't work out, your trip will turn into a nightmare.
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Museums sometimes close for deep cleaning and renovation, some places become inaccessible to visitors, tourist routes change, and tickets for a long-awaited show may run out right in front of you. Sometimes you just have to let things go. If something doesn't go according to plan, you don't have to be negative about it. Give adventure a chance. Maybe fate has prepared something even more tempting for you than you expected? If you cannot change the situation, accept it and find an alternative together.
Consult a family psychologist
It is useful to talk to him not only when problems are discovered, but also in advance. He will help you identify potential stumbling blocks and tell you exactly how to strengthen your relationship.
Don't be afraid of such consultations. It is better to find out about something alarming in advance. You may realize that you are not yet ready for marriage or that one of you needs more psychological help. Or maybe you will see that this person is not suitable for you. It’s better to let this happen before you get used to each other or have children.
Spend all your free time on a gadget or TV
Your body may be present with your partner nearby, but your mind and thoughts will be infinitely far away at this time.
If you can't live without video games, social networks and news, it will probably drive your loved one crazy. According to psychologists, this is not only one of the most discussed issues related to a joint vacation, but also the main threat to the relationship as a whole.
More than half of all travel-loving couples say that the main source of mutual resentment and quarrels was the mobile phone and social networks. Few people like to feel lonely, especially in a foreign country or simply an unfamiliar place.
Another issue that can be mentioned concerns selfie lovers. Do you remember what the true purpose of the journey is? Your task is to relax, communicate, and gain impressions. If you pay too much attention to taking a detailed photo report, this can cause quarrels.
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Someone who loves taking pictures of anything can also ruin a trip. If at every step you force your partner to pose against the backdrop of the surrounding beauty, sooner or later it will infuriate him.
Testing patience and longevity of relationships
This test is inherent in aggressive people, with an impulsive character and the same zodiac signs. How do Taurus men test women? Testing patience.
- Your future husband will try to annoy you. Will give the wrong gift, put a sarcastic joke into context, and generally behave aggressively, constantly changing his mind.
- Flirting. He will start talking too nicely to your friend and will use physical contact. It will change before your eyes when your friend passes by.
Of course, this is unpleasant and really annoying. On the one hand, in this way a man tests you for scandalousness and aggressiveness, but on the other hand, he becomes unbearable. You can answer him in kind, but within reason.
Remember that if this continues for a long time (1-2 months), it is worth talking to the guy. Don't make a scandal, just explain that his behavior is unpleasant and offensive.
How does a man test a woman's feelings for him?
When choosing a lover or life partner, men are guided not only by feelings.
Often they arrange conscious or unconscious tests for the contender for their heart. Most often this happens if a young man is disappointed in his ex-girlfriend or has a hard time breaking up with her. Therefore, it is important for a man to test his girlfriend’s fidelity. Important! If you have a smartphone, you can earn extra money at any time! How? Get 5 ways to earn extra money relevant for October 2019 Read →
In addition, a young man can check his chosen one to see if she has another admirer, the ability to restrain her emotions, a sense of humor, intelligence, thriftiness and other qualities. If a girl finds out that a guy doesn’t trust her, she will have to decide whether to connect her life with such a suspicious, jealous and distrustful partner.
If a man doubts the sincerity of his girlfriend, then he can consciously test his feelings for him. In the case when a guy does not dare to ask directly about the presence of another young man, he tries to find out about it from a distance.
The man uses quite simple methods:
- 1. Sends a girl a message on her phone from an unfamiliar number. The message may contain a joke or an invitation to get to know each other better.
- 2. Sends similar messages via correspondence on the girl’s social network page.
- 3. Presents unexpected gifts and flowers without a note through a courier. If a girl thanks her man after this, then this will be a clear sign that she has no one else.
- 4. While away, he asks his friend to follow his beloved and see who she communicates with.
If a man is very jealous, then he can decide to take the most desperate step and ask his friend to approach the girl and get to know her, offer to meet, call her.
Often men test their lovers with jealousy, as they do not like hot-tempered and overly emotional women who throw tantrums at the slightest provocation.
The guy uses several methods for this:
- 1. often remembers and talks about his ex-women. In this case, the girl needs to be shown that this information is important and she sympathizes with the guy. There is no need to immediately talk about your past relationships, as this will only make the situation worse.
- 2. Specially hugs another girl during a dance, when young people are in the company of friends or visiting. This is done specifically to observe the reaction of the chosen one. If she becomes jealous, it means that the man is not indifferent to her. But in this situation, it is necessary to demonstrate your restraint and independence if the girl really likes the guy.
- 3. Asks questions such as “Where were you?” ", "What did you do? ", "Why so late? " He will be interested not in the answer, but in the tone with which his beloved answered. You should not verbally attack a man, as this will only make the situation worse. You must maintain patience and composure.
If wealthy men doubt that girls do not love them for money, they test their feelings by inviting their beloved to go shopping in expensive stores and observing her reaction.
Another way to test a woman for commercialism is that a wealthy man dresses very simply and invites a girl to an inexpensive cafe. To consolidate his image of a simple and poor guy, he removes the Khrushchev building and claims that he lives there.
Men pay attention to what girls' friends are talking about. If they are busy looking for rich suitors, then with a high degree of probability the young man’s chosen one is also trying to find a wealthy man.
Guys often casually ask questions about how many young people the girl had and why they broke up. In this case, the best answer would be to say that it doesn’t matter, since the woman has met a person she really likes and doesn’t need anyone else.
Sometimes a young man jokingly hugs a girl on a first date immediately upon meeting. If the girl does not remove the guy’s hand with obvious dissatisfaction, then this will become a sign of the chosen one’s easy accessibility.
You should not talk on the phone for a long time in the presence of a man, especially with guys. The psychology of men is such that none of them will tolerate a rival in their environment, even if he is unlikely. The girl will let her beloved know that he is the only one for her.
If it becomes clear to a woman that a man is checking her, then she should not tell him about it.
Conversations
Finally, the calmest, most thoughtful, balanced option is a simple conversation with the guy. Perhaps he himself no longer wants to hide what is inside him. Perhaps he himself has long wanted to talk about what is tormenting him too, he just doesn’t dare and doesn’t know how to do it. Perhaps this is one of the most peaceful methods that helps a couple dot the i’s in their relationship. Whatever one may say, the ability to find common ground and come to consensus is the lot of sensible people. Only those who know how to talk and communicate find answers to their questions. Only those who know how to make balanced decisions are able to find the right way out of the situation. After all, the conversation can not only turn into a subsequent scandal after the young man is convicted of lies and betrayal. Perhaps lovers will come to some common denominator after discussing all the points of concern to both parties. That is why communication with each other makes it possible to identify the root of the problem and solve it either through reconciliation or a final break. This is why it is so important to be able to speak.
How a man tests a woman for availability
Conscious checks are checks specifically initiated by a man if he doubts a woman’s feelings, is jealous, suspects cheating, or simply wants to make sure that he is the only person dear to her (I doubt something about the last point).
These checks are quite banal:
- “SMS” from unknown phone numbers with jokes, gags and an offer to get to know each other better;
- messages on social networks about the same;
- unexpected gifts, flowers sent by courier (without a note from anyone or with a note, but without the sender’s name). I think everything is clear here. If you thank him for the gift, it will let him know that he is the only one you have.
- spying on a friend when he is away, to see who you communicate with, what places you visit when he is not with you.
- well, just questions: “where were you”, “what were you doing”, “why is it so late”, etc. This is where jealousy comes into play. It doesn’t matter what the excuse is, the main thing is how you do it and in what tone. In this case, verbally attacking a man will only aggravate the situation. Therefore, it is necessary to control yourself.
- A very difficult option is to send a friend to get to know you and agree to meet or call you.
