How to get out of depression after breaking up with your loved one

Many people are interested in how to get out of depression after a breakup. A child who has become independent, a man or woman, a lover, or any other person important to you may leave. Despite the apparent difficulty, overcoming this difficult stage of life is quite possible. To do this, you need to be determined to get out of this state. Today we will give you some tips on how to free yourself from worries and start living happily.

Why does depression occur?

Depression in this situation is not an independent disease. It can't even be called pathological, because being upset after breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend (or any other important person) is absolutely normal. There is hardly a person who would not experience negative emotions after losing someone important.

But depression doesn't happen out of nowhere. As a rule, it appears when a person becomes fixated on his negative emotions and begins to interpret events in the darkest light. As famous coach Anthony Robbins said, depression is in many ways a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like any other emotional state, it arises as a result of certain mental actions of a person.

You can conduct an experiment (but it is strongly recommended not to do so). It’s enough to start interpreting every event in the darkest way, seeing the collapse of hopes everywhere or focusing on what a person has lost, constantly thinking about problems and deliberately keeping only negativity in your head. After some time, depressive moods will become a part of life. Actually, this is exactly what a huge number of married men do, and as a result remain dissatisfied with their marriage.

Description of the disease

The states of depression and depression that accompany depression can arise as a result of various events in a person’s life. Some people cope with this problem on their own, others let the disease progress and do not seek help from specialists, even if the disease not only does not go away, but also progresses.

Sudden mood swings and depression plague people who lead a stressful lifestyle. Increased workload and constant stress have a negative impact on a person. In addition, many women are susceptible to postpartum depression. Many people tend to experience the blues when the seasons change (for example, fall or winter depression). It’s great if a person who has experienced depression can independently regain normal well-being. If self-healing does not work out, then it is important not to delay turning to medicine.

The state of depression is dangerous for a person due to its possible complications. A person not only ceases to be a socially active and full-fledged person, but also loses the ability to perform normal functions. In this regard, he may develop many physical diseases and suicidal tendencies.

What is the surplus approach?

There are two styles of thinking: deficit and surplus. The first gives rise to depression, and the second removes it from it, and also prevents this condition. It is much easier to overcome severe depression after a breakup using a surplus approach.

Let's start with the fact that our world is what our attention is directed to. We all live in illusions, because the human brain is incapable of cognizing the surrounding reality in all its diversity. You have to choose something important and focus on it.

After breaking up with a loved one, many people think in deficit. They think about what they lost, what new problems they have. Their focus is on what is not there. Hence the depressive mood. Such a person will not notice the best, even if it is right under his nose.

The surplus approach is the complete opposite. A person focuses on the possibilities, on what he gained after a traumatic situation, analyzes the experience gained and applies it in life. He doesn’t care about any problem, he is not afraid of difficulties, uncertainty inspires, not frightens. Any unpleasant situation is perceived as a valuable lesson, an opportunity to learn even more.

The surplus approach is fully consistent with the saying “if life hands you a lemon, make lemonade out of it.” Therefore, the first step you need to take to cope with depression after a breakup is to open a notepad (or a program on your computer where you can write something down) and write down the perspective. Write a mini-essay on the topic of what lesson can be learned from this situation, what opportunities there are in this case, and what you will do next.

That's not to say it will be easy. Firstly, it requires considerable intellectual effort (but it must be applied), and secondly, it takes time. If you are a pessimist in life, you will have to train for a long time. But it's worth it. After some time, you will automatically do this kind of work in any life situation. Only this time in my mind, without a leaf.

How does the surplus approach differ from optimism? And because it is based on a person’s real capabilities, he is drawn to reality. That is why, to a greater extent than optimism, it is capable of solving a problem, and not of entertaining a person with false illusions. This is why you can truly get out of depression, and not plunge yourself into illusions, the destruction of which can plunge you into an even more terrible state.

Question: what to do if you can’t find opportunities in an unpleasant situation? Perhaps they really don't exist. In this case, you need to think about what to do to make them available or to make them easier to find. Maybe read a book, maybe talk to the right people? It's also worth trying to just wait. Often the answer to the question you need comes only after several years. You just need to be patient and methodically try to find the answer.

Remember: you can find an answer to any question, you can find a way out of any difficult situation. Vygotsky said: “Thinking begins where the brain encounters difficulties.” So, for you, parting with a loved one is difficult. But this is already a plus, because the brain begins to work. And after a while you will learn something you never knew how to do.

Proper nutrition in the fight against depression

There is a misconception that coping with depression is easy and you should not seek medical help.
But, only a specialist is able to make the right decision in the case of diagnosing depression and prescribe the correct treatment. Defining depression is difficult. There are several types of signs that help identify a psychological problem:

• exhaustion of the nervous system on an emotional level is the first sign. A person stops rejoicing; he is not interested in current events. All life comes down to an apathetic state, loss of interest in what is happening. Even the most optimistic and joyful events are not encouraging. The main emotions are irritability, aggression, anger, for no apparent reason, melancholy, anxiety, fears, dissatisfaction with oneself and others. Even the opportunity to cry gradually disappears;
• noticeable changes in behavior is the second important sign. A person suffering from depression can lie for hours, or even days, and look inexplicably. All desires disappear. Despite the fact that the patient wants to be alone, he suffers from a lack of communication and attention, which is difficult to express in words. I want sympathy, but I don’t want to let anyone get close to me;
• appearance changes dramatically. The back becomes bent, the corners of the lips droop, and there is deep melancholy on the face. The whole appearance becomes unkempt. Movements are often slow, repetitive, and jerking. Speech, on the contrary, becomes fast and fussy;
• changes at the physiological level. The main signs of depression are constant fatigue and general weakness. You lose your appetite, or, conversely, you want to eat all the time. As a result, pathologies associated with the functioning of the stomach arise. Troubled by sleep problems. This is insomnia or uncontrollable drowsiness. Sometimes it begins to seem that pain occurs in almost all internal organs.

A dangerous manifestation of depression is suicidal thoughts, sometimes ending in unsuccessful attempts. The feeling comes to mind that it will be better if you just kill yourself.

There are several types of depression with characteristic symptoms that lead to serious consequences. And in order to prescribe the correct treatment, a mandatory medical consultation is necessary on the issues that arise. It is important that medications can only be taken under medical supervision.

When the nervous disorder is behind you, the specialist will give recommendations on how to return to your normal lifestyle after undergoing treatment for depression. One of the main recommendations includes advice on proper nutrition.

It is advisable to combine proper nutrition with feasible physical activity. By following this rule, you can truly enjoy every day you live, and feel happy, understand that your mood is returning.

Psychological health can be achieved by combining the internal and external aspects necessary for a harmonious life. Experts recommend eating the following foods to help improve overall well-being:

• vegetables and fruits with bright colors. Such foods rich in amino acids include citrus fruits, kiwi, bananas, bright apples;
• products containing nicotinic acid. This category includes sunflower and pumpkin seeds, any nuts, flax seeds, eggs, cabbage, fatty fish, and bread. You need to eat meat to get enough B vitamins;
• It is necessary to completely abandon alcohol-containing products, because they negatively affect the nervous system. Do not overuse strong tea and coffee. You need to limit your consumption of sugar and sweets. Sweets can be replaced with dried fruits;
• You need to drink water every day. Moreover, by water we do not mean tea and coffee, but ordinary drinking water.

In order not to spoil your mood, you can and should eat whatever you want, but sensibly. For example, if you really want something sweet, you can even eat a whole chocolate bar. But, after that, physical activity is necessary, which returns normal mood. And you don’t have to play sports professionally. It’s enough to walk a few blocks at a brisk pace and do exercises in the morning.

Depression is distinguished from ordinary sadness not only by the intensity and duration of the illness, but also by the presence of physical manifestations. Consider the typical symptoms of this disorder:

• depressed mood;
• decreased energy and activity, excessive lying or sitting, in severe cases - complete stupor;
• inability to enjoy and be interested;
• impaired concentration, forgetfulness;
• decreased self-esteem;
• feelings of guilt and insignificance;
• pessimistic view of the future;
• anxiety, nervousness;
• thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts;
• sleep problems: insomnia, early awakening or, conversely, increased sleepiness during the day;
• changes in weight and appetite: overeating or, conversely, refusal of food, weight loss or weight gain;
• loss of sexual interest;
• sometimes pain in the back, abdominal cavity, chest, headaches;

As you can see, depression is a disease of the whole body, and not just a decrease in mood, weakness of spirit or lack of will. The American Psychiatric Association recommends a diagnosis of a major depressive episode when five or more of the following symptoms occur almost all day, almost every day for at least two weeks and cause significant discomfort or disruption of normal functioning.

Meditation and depression

Meditation is good for coping with depression. Now there may be a huge number of readers ready to throw tomatoes of skepticism at the author, saying that this is a religious practice, and its effectiveness is questionable. For such people, here is the scientific basis for how meditation works and how it helps get rid of depression after a breakup.

First of all, we proceed from the fact that any emotion is quite short-lived if it is not fed. As a rule, a depressed person spins the saddest scenarios of his life. The so-called default system of the brain is responsible for this. Normally she is in charge of planning, and without her we could not decide, for example, to go to Bali next summer. The problem is that she knows how to plan not only positive events, but also negative ones. This is also useful, if appropriate. But when a person is depressed, the work of the brain’s default system is too intense and completely inappropriate. Our task is to stop her. But how to do that?

And everything is very simple. The brain has another system - the salience detection network. It is activated every time a person consciously concentrates attention on some object. It, together with the default system, works in antiphase. That is, when the significance detection network is running, the second one is turned off.

Meditation helps to turn on the first system of the brain, because a person consciously concentrates on one thing.

In general, meditation techniques have long been used in psychotherapy. Of course, this is not always classical meditation; more complex techniques are often used, for example, autogenic training. But the underlying principle is the same. All of them promote relaxation. We'll look at a few different meditation techniques that vary in difficulty and effectiveness, but all can be used to help you cope with severe post-breakup depression.

It is very useful to practice meditation, for example, for pregnant women. During this important period, there is a very great need to maintain an even mood, without strong emotions. And depression is generally dangerous. Therefore, it is highly recommended to meditate while in position.

Basic methods of recovery from depression

The sooner signs of depression are detected, the greater the chance of preventing dangerous consequences. If we are talking about the early stage, try to bring yourself back to normal on your own without resorting to drug treatment. So, what to do during depression:

• Learn to talk about your experiences and say your negative thoughts out loud. Do not withdraw into yourself and do not seek peace alone. Of course, you will have to spend some time alone with yourself for the purpose of introspection, but that’s all.
• Get creative. Art therapy helps a lot with this. Draw a picture, learn to dance or sing. Do everything that will allow your inner experiences to come out.
• Walk more. Fresh air and nature will help restore harmony.
• Limit your time watching TV and reading news on the Internet. In general, spend less time with electronic gadgets, giving preference to live communication with people.
• Keep a diary and record all your achievements for the day.

The main problem in the rehabilitation process is how to improve sleep after depression. For this purpose, you can combine sedatives, daily routine and lifestyle in general.

Eliminate anything from your schedule that even remotely resembles stress. Spend more time outside the home, play sports. Fill your life with positivity - and sleep will return along with good health

The easiest meditation

Today we will learn a simple meditation that will help you overcome depression after a breakup. Instructions:

1. Take a comfortable position. In principle, this point is optional; you can meditate standing, sitting, or in any position. But if you initially take a comfortable position, it will be easier to relax.
2. Stop your inner monologue and watch your breathing. Try to stay focused for as long as possible. If you're distracted, it's okay. Just calmly return to the starting point (that is, to breathing).

Actually, this is all the instructions for meditation. It is very important to understand here that even if you are distracted, meditation is not considered a failure. You will be distracted, and the stronger the emotional intensity, the harder it will be to concentrate. The main thing here is to try. If you are trying, you are already meditating.

Autogenic training

A more complex meditation technique, but it gives a more stable and powerful result. The famous existential psychologist Viktor Frankl, with the help of auto-training, was able to survive the years of Nazi concentration camps without losing faith in a wonderful future, and also helped a huge number of prisoners escape suicide. He became the most famous psychologist of our time, and lived until he was 93 years old. This example in itself shows how powerful surplus thinking is.

So, in short, autogenic training is performed in six steps.

1. Passive concentration on body heat. When a person's muscles are relaxed, he feels a pleasant warmth. Our task is to focus on the feeling of warmth. Moreover, there is no need to try to imagine these sensations or artificially evoke them. You just need to focus on them. The principle is the same. If we get distracted, we return our attention, we don’t worry at all, if we can’t concentrate, it’s absolutely normal. We maintain the same meditative principle at all subsequent stages.
2. Passive concentration on the heaviness of the body. We don't feel the weight of our body just because our muscles are constantly working. If we relax them, we immediately begin to feel heaviness.
3. Passive concentration on breathing.
4. Passive concentration on the heartbeat.
5. Passive concentration on the sensation of warmth in the solar plexus area.
6. Passive concentration on the sensation of coolness in the forehead.

To make it even easier to concentrate, you can repeat af or “my heart beats evenly and calmly.” These six steps are not easy to master; they take time.

But this is only the first step, the second is the so-called autogenic meditation. Here you can use affirmations and visualizations that are aimed at changing your emotional state. But before you say them, you should make sure that you are already relaxed. In a tense state, neither affirmations nor visualizations will help. Therefore, it is very important to learn how to enter an autogenic state.

How to beat depression without drugs

Once you find out the cause of depression. You should try to overcome depression without medication. First of all, you need to increase your self-esteem.

Methods for developing self-confidence in a person, including auto-training, cope well with this task. By mastering self-hypnosis, you can improve your life. And also overcome depression by getting rid of negative thoughts.

Autotraining can fully provide assistance to any person. The essence of any auto-training is to master your consciousness and subconscious.

Many people perceive auto-training as absurd. However, you need to understand the very essence, which is the ability to set a goal. Achieve it and manage your own life. Focus on the positive.

Perhaps you have heard about affirmations? I wrote an article about affirmations for every day. Read and apply!

Affirmations and Visualizations

No matter how strange it may sound, these are also meditative techniques, and they also have a scientific basis. The point is very simple. Affirmations are verbal formulas that need to be constantly repeated over a period of time. In this case, you need to try to concentrate as much as possible on the phrase that is being spoken, and also delve into its meaning. Then the effect will be maximum. If you get distracted, you return to the starting point.

Affirmations can be completely different, starting with formulas like “I am confident in myself” and ending with “I easily adapt to the greatest difficulties.” At the same time, it is worth choosing those formulas that are not associated with self-deception. Affirmations will only work when the cause of a person’s trouble lies in his attitude towards certain things.

However, there is a more effective technique than affirmations. It is not in fact meditative; it walks and contains elements of meditation. These are afformations. They are the same affirmations, only posed in the form of a question. Like “why do I adapt easily?” This approach has advantages because it is aimed at finding opportunities that actually exist. It is much more difficult to deceive yourself with the help of affirmations, and therefore the attitude towards unpleasant things can be changed more radically.

Why do affirmations work? Because they allow you to look at familiar things from a different angle and dispel negative attitudes, which, in fact, lead to depression. The problem of depression is not so much bad emotions and apathy, but rather the irrational beliefs that give rise to them. Therefore, if you manage to change these attitudes to more positive ones, then you can not only get out of this state, but also prevent repeated “attacks”.

As for visualization, it is based on the fact that emotions are very closely related to imagination. Therefore, imagining something pleasant can change your mood. It is worth considering that without internal relaxation this method will not work, and therefore visualization is most effectively used at the second stage of autogenic training after the body is immersed in a trance state.

Causes

Internal and external factors cause depression.

Internal reasons:

• hormonal changes associated with the development of endocrine pathologies;
• hormonal changes provoked by taking certain medications;
• epilepsy, stroke and other disorders of blood circulation in brain tissue;
• diabetes, metabolic disorders;
• vegetative-vascular dystonia;
• mental pathologies.

When they talk about external factors, they mean stress. This:

• problems in the professional sphere;
• conflicts with other people;
• loneliness, lack of moral support and care from relatives and family members;
• antisocial lifestyle.

About antidepressants

Antidepressants are, as the name suggests, drugs for the treatment of depression. They have a certain effectiveness, but there are several important points to consider:

1. Antidepressants are indicated only for severe forms of depression. All the recommendations described above are best applicable for mild forms, and also if we are talking about the everyday understanding (that is, ordinary melancholy, not a disease) of this term. In any case, it is strongly recommended to see a doctor or psychotherapist, who will accurately determine the extent of the disease.
2. Antidepressants are only symptomatic therapy. They are not aimed at eliminating the disease, but only at eliminating its manifestation. The main treatment method that has proven to be most effective is cognitive behavioral psychotherapy. Its tasks are clear and described above: to develop positive behavior patterns, skills of an optimistic outlook on the world, and also to change irrational cognitive formations that gave rise to a depressive state.
3. The purpose of taking antidepressants is to help a person remember a normal state, so that he can then, through volitional efforts, recreate it on his own. We all remember the connection between emotions and imagination, right? The problem with a deeply depressed person is precisely that he cannot remember what it is like to be cheerful and happy.

Thus, although antidepressants are an effective treatment, they are still symptomatic. The main work occurs at the level of thinking and how a person experiences the world. You can only get rid of despondency and depression on your own.

How to deal with despondency

There are several ways to deal with despondency. First, think about why you weren’t successful.

Are circumstances to blame here? Or the responsibility lies with your own laziness. Self-doubt. Or lack of willpower and motivation?

It is important to answer this question as honestly as possible. Depending on the result, take action.

Not enough money? Try changing your field of activity. Can't find your soulmate? Try to expand your circle of acquaintances. Work with self-esteem. Change your behavior or communication style.

There is always a way out! The main thing is to get the first positive results. Then, self-confidence will appear, and with it a feeling of lightness. They will help overcome despondency and blues!

What should you not do if you are depressed?

Depression is a condition in which a person can harm himself further. Therefore, it would be useful to understand what not to do when you are depressed:

1. Drink alcohol. After a short period of fun, alcohol can further intensify the symptoms of depression due to intoxication of the body. Alcohol, food, and other similar stress relievers have proven to be ineffective when fighting depression. Although it seems to a person that this can solve the problem, in reality it does not. It is worth remembering that the expectation of a positive effect from these things is just an illusion.
2. Feed depressive thoughts yourself. Many people themselves spin negative thoughts. In fact, they use the same technique of affirmations, only in the negative. They find evidence for themselves why everything is so bad, which only aggravates their condition.

How to overcome depression on your own

How to overcome depression and regain positive thinking on your own, without turning to psychotherapists or taking medications?

Proper nutrition is a powerful weapon in the fight against bad mood and prolonged depression. During illness, it is necessary to eat foods that can charge you with vigor and good mood.

Help to overcome depression: chocolate in moderation, fruits, vegetables, cheese, nuts, seaweed, fatty fish.

A person suffering from depression needs to make every effort to solve sleep problems. It is not recommended to take sleeping pills or alcohol. To normalize sleep and get out of depression, you need to:

1. Go to bed at the same time every day.
2. Go to sleep before midnight, at 21-22 hours. It is at this time that sleep restores the strength of the whole body.
3. Going to bed at 21-22 hours will make it easier to wake up in the morning and start the day productively.
4. Before going to bed, take a relaxing bath and drink a mug of warm milk with honey.
5. Don't overeat.
6. Avoid watching thrillers and horror films before bed.

In the modern world, emotional fatigue is more common than physical fatigue. This is where all the problems come from. Physical activity is required.

Therefore, it is recommended to allocate 20-30 minutes daily for exercise. This will help you quickly get rid of depression.

You can visit the gym. Do exercises in the morning. Go for a run. Walk in the park.

Duration of depression

How long does depression last after a breakup? It all depends on many factors:

1. Person's character. The duration of depression is influenced by a person's personality traits. If he was previously prone to depressive moods, then getting out of this state will require much more time. In some cases, this is not possible at all until he learns to reassess the situation and begins to do this regularly.
2. Attitude to the situation. Yes, we are talking about depression after a breakup, but even this unpleasant event can be treated differently by different people. One will find a sea of ​​advantages, while the other will fall into depression.
3. Determination to stay in a depressed state or to get out of it. There are people who receive secondary benefits from depression. They want to be pitied, and they can also use their “unfortunate” position to manipulate others. Such a person will not come out of depression.

In general, depression can last a very long time. Getting rid of it requires a lot of effort. You need to interpret everything you experience in such a way that it inspires. There is no need to cry about this. Yes, you need to put in a lot of effort, but you can take small steps every day, and after a while you will be able to get out of this state. Everything big is made up of small things.

Signs

Depression can be identified by physiological and mental changes.

Physiological symptoms:

• constant weakness, impotence, rapid fatigue;
• restless sleep or insomnia at night, and a state of drowsiness during the day;
• eating disorder – a tendency to overeat or, conversely, worsening appetite;
• disruptions in the functioning of the digestive tract - stomach pain, constipation;
• decrease or complete extinction of sexual activity;
• the appearance of phantom pain.

Changes in behavior:

• lack of initiative, irresponsibility, reluctance to make decisions, ignoring the need to take on important matters;
• lack of feelings of joy and satisfaction;
• indifferent attitude towards other people, ignoring current events;
• lack of life goals;
• reluctance to communicate even with relatives and family members;
• the emergence of a tendency to take drugs and alcoholic beverages;
• irritability, anger, anxiety, tearfulness.

Thought changes:

• poor concentration;
• a continuous stream of heavy thoughts;
• recurrent thoughts of suicide;
• low self-esteem, humiliation of oneself as an individual;
• slowness of the thought process.

In severe cases, hallucinations may occur.

Sometimes depression can masquerade as non-serious pathological conditions:

• overwork;
• insomnia;
• migraine;
• tingling in the heart;
• painful disorders of the digestive tract.

conclusions

Depression is an unpleasant condition, but if you want, you can get out of it, even if it lasts for a very long time. Any person should learn not to fall into it. To do this, you need to train on small troubles. Every time something bad happens, we try to learn a lesson and think about the possibilities. In order not to get depressed, you need to be surplus in life. And this will come with experience.

If you are depressed after divorcing your spouse or breaking up with your lover at the moment, then you have a great opportunity to practice looking for the good in unpleasant situations. And that in itself is good. Use the recommendations described above to find real happiness. And depression will go away, and a new one will not come.

If for some time after separation (breakup) these recommendations do not help, the state of deep depression persists or even worsens, it is recommended to consult a psychologist.

Diagnosis of depression using dreams

One method for self-identifying depression is sleep analysis. You should pay attention to what colors predominate in a dream, what plot unfolds.

Constant gray-black tones of dreams are a sure sign of serious depression. A person is in a state of anxiety, confusion, he is disappointed in reality, refuses to accept it, and suffers from chronic fatigue. Dreams in gray-brown tones indicate mild depression and blues.

Nightly nightmares indicate developing depression. They indicate the presence of constant stress in life, resentment, anger, psychological trauma, and a desire for revenge.

A person who regularly dreams about death is stressed by sudden life changes. He is frustrated and angry and does not want to accept change. Such dreams may indicate fear of premature death, a forced renunciation of the pursuit of goals.