Is it always necessary to forgive? Does forgiveness always lead to easier life for the forgiver?

Reasons for betrayal

The reasons for this situation may be different - a friend may be jealous, envious, or suffer from low self-esteem. She could simply find herself in a difficult situation, get confused and commit a rash act. Sometimes, when committing betrayal, a person does not even realize the harmfulness of his behavior. Only later, when the reckoning comes, he understands what he did.

It happens that in such an act there is also the guilt of the one who was betrayed . But often a former friend consciously and purposefully moves towards this decision, realizing that he may lose friendship and a loved one.

Should betrayal be forgiven?

Before answering this question, you need to think carefully - was there any betrayal at all?

1. If a friend spreads gossip, deceives in order to make a profit, or tries to steal a man, there is no point in continuing a relationship with such a girl.
2. If she hides something about her life, this cannot be called a serious offense - each of us is free to talk about ourselves as much as he sees fit.
3. When some kind of force majeure happens in life, and a friend is not around, this can cause a break in the relationship. But before you decide to take such a step, you need to think: “Am I demanding from a person what he cannot give me?”

After analyzing the situation, the girl decides whether to forgive her negligent friend. This decision can have both positive and negative sides.

Positive sides

• Opportunity to save relationships . Many people find it difficult to let go of someone they have loved for a long time. Close friends share many good memories, so being able to remain friends is a way to preserve a happy past.
• Sometimes a second chance is enough. In the criminal code, a sincere confession mitigates guilt; in any religion, sincere repentance leads to atonement and forgiveness of sins. If a person realizes the harmfulness of his action, he has taken the first step towards not repeating it again. The girl, taught by bitter experience, will be afraid to stumble again and completely lose touch with the person close to her.
• Perhaps there was no betrayal . You need to take a time out and look at the situation from the outside. Perhaps everything looks completely different and the situation is nothing more than the notorious coincidence. By slashing from the shoulder, you can alienate an innocent friend, offending him with mistrust.
• You can try to return to communication after a while . Nothing in the world is static, people also change and develop. A person is corrected by sorrows, deprivations, losses. Perhaps, after a certain period of time, the friend became a different person. If positive changes have occurred, this may be a reason to continue communication.
• There will be more good in the world . There are no ideal people, and giving in to momentary emotions can lead to stupid and even terrible actions. If we forgive those who have stumbled, there will be more good in the world. If we stop forgiving, no one will repent.
• Forgiveness does not always mean resuming the relationship. You can simply let a person go from your life and not hold a grudge against him or come up with plans for revenge. This will give peace of mind, removing the heavy burden of grievances and omissions from the soul. Any situation becomes easier if you put an end to it.

Protect yourself

No matter what troubles and problems hang over the family, the woman is always “on horseback”. She, wiping away tears and swallowing the pain of grievances, continues to take care of her beloved household and tries to bravely endure the blows of fate. And the main offender continues his cloudless existence and hardly thinks about changing. After all, she endured it - that means she loves! It will continue to be bullied, and you will endure it. Is it worth it? What are you afraid of?

Loneliness - you are already alone, only humiliation and insults are added to it. If you lack finances, you will be nervous and patient and will have to look for money for treatment. Leaving children without a father - why do they need such a father?

Think better about their psyche, it will be traumatized from childhood and as a result will lead to serious psychological problems. At a minimum, they will have a complex, at a maximum, a repetition of their father. Full-fledged members of society cannot grow up in a family where lies, violence and other negative aspects are present.

Each of us has an internal gradation according to which we either make another compromise, or silently pack up our things and leave. The latter suggests that there is no longer any hope for a change in circumstances. So, let's start studying the list of actions that absolutely cannot be forgiven by a man, even the most beloved one.

Treason

Quite a controversial topic among modern psychologists. In the old days, when there was no such freedom of action, the woman’s answer was always unequivocal - “Get out!” But now morals are slightly different and some experts argue that cheating can even strengthen marital relationships. Remember the phrase “A leftist strengthens a marriage!” No and no again! Cheating is not a banal sexual contact with another woman. If the question came down only to the physics of the action, then there would be no problem. It's a matter of betrayal. When he entered into an alliance with his beloved girl, and she believed him, the man convinced her of his sincerity. It turns out that he simply lied. If you try to “step on” your own throat and try to forgive, then get ready to remember this for the rest of your life. Pain and resentment will emerge every time he repeats “I love you!”, “You are my only one.” Every time he goes on a business trip, your soul will plunge into a storm of torment and mistrust. And your torment will not be unreasonable.

After all, if he changed it once, who can guarantee that he won’t go “to the left” a second or third time? Perhaps in the future he will think through his exploits in more detail and disguise his contacts well. In addition to the fact that such a situation will hurt you, the children will also be in an atmosphere of deception and mistrust.

Beatings

There is an interesting myth about why Eve was created from Adam's rib. The Lord thus wanted to point out that both man and woman are equal in all respects. If he sculpted her from his leg, she could be humiliated, from her head, she could be considered stupid. But the rib located under his strong hand is a symbol of the woman’s protection. And what actually happens in some cases. With the same hand he not only beats a woman, but kills the person in her. Of course, only weak, vile and complex individuals are capable of such actions. Only a weak person can raise his hand against a woman and child, since he is not able to show his strength in front of his equals or stronger ones.

The most common mistake a woman makes is “If she hits you, she loves you!” A worse justification for male cruelty cannot be imagined. How so? What kind of love can we talk about if he takes pleasure in hurting, humiliating, “trampling” into the dirt? Some kind of masochism! And who hits? The one you loved, dreamed of a long and happy life next to him, gave birth to children, cook your favorite dishes, do the laundry, look after him. Yes, he is a banal ungrateful pig, that’s who!

We will not now focus on why domestic violence occurs. Let it be on the conscience of your loved one’s parents and, of course, on his. Let's talk about what to do in cases where you are being abused by your spouse. Moreover, we are talking not only about the physical, but also the moral and psychological appearance. He can “destroy” you with words, actions, and insult you financially. So one should not assume that a woman cannot complain about cruelty if there are no beatings or sexual violence.

Quite often in closed families there is a special type of violence that is difficult to immediately recognize. This includes constant humiliation and insults, and forced refusal of contact with the outside world. Authoritarian husbands prohibit going out, communicating with friends, visiting family and friends, studying, working, participating in foundations, organizations, etc.

There is also economic humiliation - restrictions, control over financial expenditure. Quite often, a man concentrates all the money in his own hands and does not allow his wife to spend even a penny on herself. Why? She’s still sitting at home. There is something to wear - a million dresses (and there are only two of them, and that’s from my girlhood). And what is noteworthy is that violence is experienced regardless of social status - rich, poor, successful entrepreneurs, etc. You can learn about male cruelty and domestic violence in various variations from numerous groups on social networks. And what’s sad is that aggression is growing every day. To understand the nature of the phenomenon, you need to study it carefully. There is one serious point - both aggressors and victims are united by certain patterns.

Here are the main psychological traits of the victim:

• diffidence;
• low level of self-esteem;
• anxiety;
• excessive suggestibility.

Most often, an adult victim of domestic violence will always find something to justify her abuser. The most common phrase is “it’s my own fault,” which indicates that a person suppresses his anger, looks for his guilt in everything, confidence in insecurity and unresolved problems. Some ladies are even sure that domestic violence is the norm for an ordinary family. The conditions in which she was raised and the relationship of her parents have an impact. Such women will judge those who are rude to men on TV, show feminism, and fight for their rights.

Domestic tyrants are people who have also been subjected to cruel treatment, humiliation and insults since childhood.

• they have low levels of self-esteem;
• in all their actions they look for the guilty on the side;
• find excuses for their actions;
• do not realize the pain they cause to their woman;
• They understand perfectly well that there are persons against whom they cannot show their aggression.

Negative sides

• a truly unworthy person in your environment , giving a second chance to someone who does not deserve it.
• A friend may regard such an act not as generosity, but as weakness . Not all people are able to appreciate nobility. Weak people are not respected, and soon your friend may become the cause of new troubles.
• If a friend really stumbled and is not going to repeat the mistakes, the relationship may still be spoiled by mistrust . But on a subconscious level, the offended person will wait for new betrayals.
• If a friend asks to renew the relationship after a while, this does not always mean that she has realized the mistakes of the past. Perhaps she simply couldn't find a replacement . You should start communicating with such a person carefully in order to analyze the situation and draw conclusions.
• There are disagreements on some fundamental , fundamental issues. If in such a matter a person closes his eyes to betrayal, he makes a deal with his own convictions and his conscience. Then, instead of the expected relief, he will receive an even greater mental burden. The best thing to do in such a situation is to give yourself enough time to figure everything out.

So what is forgiveness?

If you look at it from a philosophical point of view, forgiveness is the refusal to take revenge on the offender, as well as the ability to “understand” the one who caused you pain or damage.

Unfortunately, thoughts of sweet revenge and revenge creep into the heads of even the purest and kindest people, after they have suffered the fate of becoming a “victim” of someone’s stupidity. But will this make it any easier? Maybe in the first minutes yes, but then? Any normal person will be overwhelmed by a feeling of guilt, and besides, you will sink to the level of your offender.

“Why forgive?” - you ask, - “What if I’m not going to have anything to do with this person anymore?” Yes, if only for the fact that people who have learned to understand and let go of their grievances suffer from psychological disorders and stress half as much as people who live with their grievances, periodically remembering all the sorrows and hateful feelings towards the guilty person.

A person who believes that “such things” cannot be forgiven by any living person is constantly in a state of stress, subconsciously returning again and again to the experienced situation, which continues to traumatize him, causing chronic symptoms.