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I will tell you how and what to write to your ex-girlfriend to get her back by simply sending messages over the phone. I know, I know... it takes more than just a couple of text messages to get her back. But short text messages can be a very effective way to restore mutual understanding, regain trust and become attractive in her eyes again, IF you do it right.
BUT, if you do this incorrectly, then you risk not only being left alone, but generally living without any chance of getting your ex back in the foreseeable future. Therefore, read this article carefully and study all additional links to avoid making the most common mistakes
Many clients ask me:
“maybe I should call or text my ex?”
Personally, I think texting is the safest way to keep in touch with her. After all, this does not require you to have a full-blown conversation with her face to face. Not to mention that short SMS is a very unobtrusive method of communication. She answers when she wants, and you also answer when it is convenient for you. This gives you time to think about how to respond to her. Most of the clients I've worked with have advised me to communicate with their exes this way.
After all, correspondence is usually the best way to communicate if you break up.
But there are cases when this won't work . For example, if you never texted your ex during your relationship. Agree, it will be very strange if you suddenly start bombarding her with messages. So keep this in mind before you try the tricks I'm going to talk about.
What not to do
Before we get into the topic, let's figure out what NOT to do under any circumstances . Just so you're aware of what's sure to harm your already strained relationship with your ex.
After many years of working in the field of relationship psychology, I have come to the conclusion that most people make the same terrible mistakes when texting their exes. And by doing this, they deprive themselves of all chances to return to their previous relationship.
A French proverb says:
“Whoever lost self-control has lost everything”
When you're trying to recover from a breakup with your ex, emotions can often override logic. You are heartbroken, desperate, depressed, and just not yourself. And most importantly, you don't think logically! There are 3 main types of messages that people send when they lose their temper and which they will later regret. So it’s better to listen carefully to my advice if you don’t want to feel guilty later.
Mistake #1: Hatred
So, the first thing people like to write after a breakup is how much you hate your ex . Yes, maybe you will feel better after you speak out. But is the game worth the candle if you lose it forever? Rude things said to her will reduce the chances of you getting back together. It's obvious. Cool down before picking up your phone. Such emotions are completely normal in your situation. Yes, you are angry with her and your emotions take over.
But is it wise to act this way if you want to get your relationship back? Think carefully, what is your goal now? Kill her outright with an angry message? Or bring her back and rekindle the old feelings? Think carefully.
After all, people are drawn to what makes them happy, and if you are completely negative, then you leave yourself no chance that she will be drawn to you again. So cool down, relax and leave all the fighting for a more appropriate time.
Mistake #2: spam
The second type of message you shouldn't write is what I call "spam." When your emotions take over and your nerves run high, you pick up your phone in desperation and start attacking your ex.
The catch is that no one likes spam, and no one likes communicating with people who are desperate.
Put yourself in the shoes of someone who receives 20 or 30 messages a day from someone she doesn't even want to talk to! Perhaps you have already been in this situation. Annoying, right?
One client told me that he sent 67 messages in two days and received no response. And it’s quite natural that this guy never got his girlfriend back, which was quite expected.
Mistake #3: Emotional Tornado
The third type of messages that will definitely help turn your ex away from you forever are messages that I call “Emotional Tornado”. They sound like:
"you have broken my heart"
“I don’t think I can love anyone again”
Guys, this kind of phrase will kill any sympathy she has for you. Yes, you may think that these are very frank and sweet SMS messages. But in fact, she will begin to think that you will now decide to be a loser all your life, from which it is better to protect yourself with an insurmountable fence.
And if you are sending your ex any of the three messages mentioned above, then you are exactly the type of people I call “ telephone terrorists .” When you behave this way, you push her away and irritate her, not to mention that you can even scare her and wonder how she managed to contact such a person in the first place.
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Parting is a delicate matter. People often pour so much dirt on each other that you wonder how they could live together for so many years. But Michael Cheshire, a blogger for the English edition of The Huffington Post, said goodbye to his ex-wife in a completely different way. His words will touch you to the core. Well, today our 20 year marriage ended in a courtroom.
To be honest, it seemed unreal. When we came to this decision a few months ago, I felt like the world had collapsed. The truth is, I was afraid of what life would look like now without you. But now, being here, it seems to me that everything is much better. As the German proverb says, fear makes the wolf bigger than it really is. And I was really afraid to live without you, because you were the only constant person. You're like a voice in my head. And I should be grateful to you for these 20 years. And therefore, on this first day of our divorce, I am writing all this to you, because time is running out and I simply may not have time to say what I wanted. So let me share my feelings.
You deserve a reward for living with a man like me for 20 years.
We both know I'm not easy to love. I sleep little, joke a lot, and often behave inappropriately. I took a lot of risks. This is what happens when you commit yourself to marry a man who follows his dreams everywhere. But you didn't sign up for this. I realized too late that many of my dreams were a nightmare for you. In many ways, my life is like a room full of dynamite... and I'm sitting in this room playing with matches. You were always ready to follow me to the ends of the earth. And I'm sorry for the suffering I caused you.
All in all, it was a good marriage.
According to statistics, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and 50% in death. So we are still very lucky :-)
You are a wonderful mom!
Your kindness and love for our children is perhaps the single most beautiful trait about you. You have no idea how hard I tried to follow your example.
I want you to be happy. After all, you deserve happiness. And a more peaceful married life.
For the record... I would marry you again and again, even if I knew it would still be the end. Yes, we have three wonderful children. But even if they weren't there. I would choose you. I can't imagine my life without you.
You can't make me stop loving you.
I honestly tried to convince my heart to hate you. But I didn't succeed. You are too good a person. The only thing that surprised me was how easy it became to be friends again. This is where we started. And that’s why I’m happy that we’re parting here. I like that we still talk about our children, about life, plans, films, music. This is so great.
I will always be there.
If you
If you need my help, you can always turn to me.
I'm not stupid.
I know that a woman like you will not be lonely. It's so easy to fall in love with you. And I want you to know that I will always support you in your choice.
I've been thinking about this day for so long, and now it's finally here. And I want to end with these words:
“If you are lost, look around and you will see me. If you fall, I will catch you. And I will always wait."
With all my heart, Michael.
You can part ways beautifully. The main thing is not to miss the opportunity to say warm farewell words to the person and thank him for all the good things. Share this touching letter with your friends!
Source - The Huffington Post
What to do if you have already made mistakes
After all the mistakes made, it is very important to return your girlfriend to an emotionally neutral state.
After all, now she is most likely angry with you and is definitely not happy when she sees that a message has arrived from you. The quickest way to make things right is to send a short message apologizing and start following the rules of the “no-contact period.” You received a link to this rule, but I will briefly describe it here again.
Eliminate any communication with your ex-girlfriend for a while. Yes, you'll probably see some psychology gurus on YouTube who won't agree with this tactic of mine, but in my years of experience, it's a must-have for most couples going through a recent breakup. Of course there are exceptions, but for most people this is a must.
So, if you've been sending any of those desperate messages I shared earlier, send a short message like:
“Sorry, I’ve been a little out of sorts the last few days. There was so much more going on besides our breakup, and I just exploded emotionally. Good luck"
That's all!
With this message you will kill two birds with one stone:
- firstly, you will show your ex that you forgive her;
- secondly, you will make it clear that there were reasons why you behaved incorrectly.
Now comes the fun part. You need to get out of her sight for at least 30 days. It doesn't matter whether she answered or not. Asks you how you are doing or not. I'll repeat it again. This is the “no contact” period. So NO messages during this time. Now I will explain why this is so important.
She thinks that you are stalking her and that everything depends only on her decision. She can bring you back whenever she wants. And you need to make sure that these positions change, and she begins to pursue you.
Imagine the situation:
Your ex sends you a message after 15 days of this silence and then doesn't receive any response for several days. She will constantly check her phone, waiting for at least some answer. She will begin to worry and think why you are not answering. This is why the “no contact period” technique works! After all, he changes places with you , and now she herself will want to talk to you. Of course, this technique is just a small step towards getting your relationship back.
I am often asked:
how long should this period last?
It all depends on:
- How bad did your relationship end?
- How long has it been since you broke up?
- How often did you communicate after the breakup?
- Have you sent those “telephone terrorist” messages I mentioned earlier?
Ask yourself these questions and please be honest with yourself. If everything is very bad, then you will probably have to wait more than thirty days. Sometimes I advise my clients not to communicate with their ex for sixty days or more. It all depends on the situation. I can also help you analyze the situation a little right now. Take a short test that will help you think through many important issues for relationships, and will give you not just an assessment of the situation, but also small recommendations for action.
How to write an official letter to your ex-wife with a request to send details
THE VERDICT WAS LEAVED BY APPEAL, THEREFORE, THE VERDICT CAME INTO FORCE.
LIABILITY FOR FAILURE TO PAY A FINE UNDER ART. 20.25 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation WILL NOT BE SINCE THE FINE IS IMPOSED WITHIN THE FRAMEWORK OF A CRIMINAL CASE AND NOT AN ADMINISTRATIVE CASE.
In the case of malicious evasion of payment of a fine imposed as the main punishment, with the exception of cases of imposition of a fine in an amount calculated on the basis of the value, a multiple of the value of the item or the amount of commercial bribery or bribe, the fine is replaced by another punishment, with the exception of imprisonment (Part 5 Article 46 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation).
IT IS YOURSELF TO BLAME FOR GIVING THE WRONG DETAILS.
“Criminal Procedure Code of the Russian Federation” dated December 18, 2001 N 174-FZ
(as amended on 02/03/2014)
(with amendments and additions, entered into force on 02/15/2014)
Article 390. Entry of a sentence into legal force and its execution
(as amended by Federal Law dated December 29, 2010 N 433-FZ)
1. The verdict of the court of first instance enters into legal force after the expiration of the period for appealing it through the appellate procedure, if it has not been appealed by the parties.
2. The verdict of the court of appeal comes into force from the moment of its proclamation and can be reviewed only in the manner established by Chapters 47.1, 48.1 and 49 of this Code.
3. In the case of filing a complaint or submitting an appeal, the sentence comes into force on the day the decision is made by the appellate court, unless it is canceled by the appellate court with the transfer of the criminal case to a new trial or with the return of the criminal case to the prosecutor.
4. The sentence shall be executed by the court of first instance within 3 days from the date of its entry into legal force or the return of the criminal case from the court of appeal.
“Criminal Code of the Russian Federation” dated June 13, 1996 N 63-FZ
(as amended on 02/03/2014)
Article 46. Fine
1. A fine is a monetary penalty imposed within the limits provided for by this Code.
5. In the case of malicious evasion of payment of a fine imposed as the main punishment, with the exception of cases where a fine is imposed in an amount calculated on the basis of the value, a multiple of the value of the item or the amount of commercial bribery or bribe, the fine is replaced by another punishment, with the exception of imprisonment. In the case of malicious evasion of payment of a fine in an amount calculated on the basis of a multiple of the value of the item or the amount of commercial bribery or bribe imposed as the main punishment, the fine is replaced by a punishment within the limits of the sanction provided for by the relevant article of the Special Part of this Code. In this case, the imposed punishment cannot be conditional.
“Code of the Russian Federation on Administrative Offenses” dated December 30, 2001 N 195-FZ
(as amended on 02/03/2014, as amended on 02/25/2014)
(with amendments and additions, entered into force on 02/15/2014)
Article 20.25. Evasion from execution of administrative punishment
(as amended by Federal Law dated December 6, 2011 N 410-FZ)
1. Failure to pay an administrative fine within the period provided for by this Code -
shall entail the imposition of an administrative fine in the amount of twice the amount of the unpaid administrative fine, but not less than one thousand rubles, or administrative arrest for a term of up to fifteen days, or compulsory labor for a term of up to fifty hours.
(as amended by Federal Laws dated July 18, 2011 N 226-FZ, dated April 5, 2013 N 49-FZ)
2. Unauthorized leaving the place of serving an administrative arrest or evading serving an administrative arrest -
(as amended by Federal Law dated April 22, 2013 N 62-FZ)
entails administrative arrest for up to fifteen days or compulsory labor for up to fifty hours.
(as amended by Federal Law dated April 5, 2013 N 49-FZ)
3. Evasion of a foreign citizen or stateless person from the execution of an administrative penalty in the form of administrative expulsion from the Russian Federation in the form of a controlled independent departure from the Russian Federation -
entails the imposition of an administrative fine in the amount of three thousand to five thousand rubles and administrative expulsion from the Russian Federation.
(as amended by Federal Law dated July 23, 2013 N 207-FZ)
(Part 3 introduced by Federal Law dated December 6, 2011 N 410-FZ)
——————————————————————
Consultant Plus: note.
Resolution of the Constitutional Court of the Russian Federation dated February 14, 2013 N 4-P identified the constitutional and legal meaning and partially recognized as unconstitutional a number of provisions of the Federal Law dated June 8, 2012 N 65-FZ, which amended part 4 of Article 20.25 of this document.
——————————————————————
4. Evasion from serving compulsory labor -
shall entail the imposition of an administrative fine in the amount of one hundred fifty thousand to three hundred thousand rubles or administrative arrest for a term of up to fifteen days.
(Part 4 introduced by Federal Law dated 06/08/2012 N 65-FZ)
5. Violation of the administrative ban on visiting the venues of official sports competitions on the days of their holding - entails the imposition of an administrative fine in the amount of twenty thousand to twenty-five thousand rubles or administrative arrest for a term of up to fifteen days.
(Part 5 introduced by Federal Law dated July 23, 2013 N 192-FZ)
Notes:
1. Foreign citizens and stateless persons shall not be held administratively liable for committing an administrative offense provided for in Part 1 of this article if they have not promptly paid the administrative fine that was imposed on them simultaneously with administrative deportation from the Russian Federation.
2. Administrative expulsion from the Russian Federation of a foreign citizen or stateless person in the form of controlled independent departure from the Russian Federation does not apply to foreign citizens and stateless persons brought to administrative responsibility for an administrative offense provided for in Part 3 of this article.
Actions under ideal conditions
Well, now let’s imagine that you listened to the previous advice and did everything perfectly. Let's say you quickly apologized, went into the no-contact period for thirty days, and implemented the rest of the recommendations from my Ex Factor program.
So what's now? How to have a pleasant conversation with her? Our goal now is to get out of the “no contact” period (how to understand that this period has worked) and bring your ex-girlfriend into a positive conversation. We need to restore mutual understanding between you.
You don't expect her to fall head over heels in love with you again because of those couple of text messages you sent earlier.
So what kind of messages should you write to her? Of the twelve types of messages, I will talk about only three of these types of messages. But if this is not enough for you, and you want to learn more, then join my program “The Ex Factor”.
Messages of high interest
Nobody likes to receive text messages saying “Hi, how are you?” It's clear that your goal isn't just to find out how she's doing. You need to evoke positive emotions in her.
But believe me, an SMS like “hi, how are you?” definitely won't interest her. Now let's present a message that she will like.
To understand what I mean, let me give you an example. You can send something like
"Hello! I heard that there will be a Scorpions concert in July. You love them very much. Hope you're doing well."
That's all. Now this is enough to begin the process of restoring your relationship. Why am I sure this will work?
- First, your message has a purpose. You don't beg her to come back and don't talk about how much you hate her, but simply tell her about what might be of interest to her.
- And secondly, you do not insist on conversation, because the message ended with the phrase “I hope you are doing well.” She can answer if she wants, or just ignore it. But the way it usually works is that girls respond to messages.
How to speak more correctly?
However, we live in the 21st century, and language and culture in general have changed a lot over the past few centuries.
Therefore, the old order is not very applicable in the modern world.
But still, there are differences in these two words even now, although many ignore them.
In particular, the concept of “spouse” should be applied to a woman from another family. In relation to his husband, he is obliged to say “wife”. The same applies to a man.
To make it clearer, we can give specific examples:
- his wife got a job;
- On the weekend, my wife and children went to her mother-in-law.
Now this is the correct way to say it, although only a few follow it. You can often hear that men say “spouse” when referring to their own woman, and “wife” when referring to someone else’s.
However, such expressions are not entirely correct, although they are not considered gross errors from the point of view of philology. Although, on the other hand, the correct use of these words will only be beneficial.
To demonstrate how incorrect the use of the words in question sounds, an analogy should be drawn. So, many (even some famous journalists) say “put on” in a situation where you need to say “put on” (for example: “Misha put on a jacket”).
A person who does not know the difference between these two concepts will not notice the error. However, those who understand it will most likely want to correct the speaker. And for some, what they hear will cause some discomfort.
It should also be noted that the words “spouse” are often used to emphasize the irony of the situation. Use for the sake of style is acceptable, but, of course, not in official documents. Although there is no place for irony in them.
Correspondence rules
Rule #1 : Don't immediately respond to all messages. It is important to wait a little and not send messages right away. It’s better if it’s an hour, two, half a day, or even the whole day. Then your ex will be constantly waiting for an answer, and at the same time, in her eyes, you will no longer be that annoying guy who constantly pestered her. It is also important to remember that if you are just leaving the “non-contact period”, then you cannot send more than 5-7 messages per day . Five to seven messages is the maximum!
Rule #2 : Keep your answers concise, but there are a few basic principles here. Messages should not be too long, otherwise your ex may seem like you are very needy. But not too short, otherwise the conversation may be interrupted altogether.
Rule No. 3 - no showdowns, no sadness from the past. There is no need to talk about the relationship that existed between you, ask who she is dating now, and also avoid conflicting topics. Just talk about what interests her and be honest with her.
And now that you have successfully completed the first two stages, let's move on to the most interesting part.
