The main fears of pregnant women: where they come from and how to get rid of them

Relax! In this article, doctors tell the truth about some of your biggest pregnancy worries, and share why they're not as scary as you think.

A little anxiety is quite natural for a pregnant woman. After all, in the end, this is a completely new situation for you, which, moreover, may be accompanied by completely unpredictable things that make you feel nervous, and you really want everything to go perfectly! And guess what? Here, doctors explain the real facts about the things that may scare you the most. Keep reading and get ready to breathe a sigh of relief.

Fear: I will have a miscarriage

Facts that will reassure you:

This is unlikely.

“Most pregnancies result in the birth of healthy children, and only less than 20% result in miscarriage”

Karin Morse, obstetrician-gynecologist at the Los Angeles Medical Center

“Also, remember that most miscarriages happen in the early weeks of pregnancy, when many women don't even know they're pregnant, and they may not know they've had a miscarriage. As a result, they simply have a normal menstrual cycle. Once the doctor sees the baby's heartbeat (usually at 6-8 weeks), the risk of miscarriage decreases by 5%. And one more encouraging news for those who have already had a miscarriage: the likelihood of a second one happening is very small - no more than 3%."

Diana Ashton, deputy medical director at the American public organization March of Dimes

Now let's figure out what causes a miscarriage? Typically, miscarriage occurs due to a chromosomal abnormality that interferes with the normal development of the fetus. In this case, fetal rejection is inevitable, and it has nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do. But you can reduce your risk by quitting smoking, drinking alcoholic beverages, and limiting your caffeine intake.

Anxious dreams

Pregnant women often have nightmares. The plots are usually related to the future and reflect fears.

Often we dream of possible problems with childbirth: premature, unnatural, the birth of an incomprehensible creature, etc. In this case, it is important to remember that a dream is a reflection of the subconscious, and not an accurate prediction of the future.

There are several ways to cope with fears of pregnancy if they come in a dream. To get rid of nightmares, you can take a number of simple measures:

• do not eat at night, last meal at least 3 hours before bedtime;
• before bedtime – a short walk for 20-40 minutes;
• A warm shower will help you relax and relieve daytime stress;
• listen to pleasant music, classics help a lot;
• don't worry during the day.

Fear: if I eat or drink something I shouldn’t, I will harm the child

Facts that will reassure you:

Women today are under a lot of pressure to do only what is “right” for them and their unborn child. Besides sticking to the basics like eating right and taking vitamins, women worry about little things and constantly ask themselves “will this harm me.” But such doubts about your every action can drive you crazy. Relax, there is no need to worry about trifles. Your doctor will definitely tell you what not to do during your first visit. And, when you have serious questions, you can always consult him. Remember that no one can follow absolutely every recommendation and do everything “right.”

The truth is that the risks associated with things like eating unpasteurized cheese or dyeing your hair are extremely small.

The same applies to other things that the doctor didn’t tell you about - it’s just that pregnant women try to exercise extreme caution, which is sometimes unnecessary. Don't panic if you accidentally eat a turkey sandwich and forget that you shouldn't eat cold cuts. Or, you drank a glass of juice for breakfast, forgetting that it was not pasteurized. We're willing to bet your mom didn't do half the things you do to make sure your pregnancy was healthy—and look how well it all worked out.

Fear of getting pregnant

The fear of pregnancy tormented me for 5 years. I’m sharing how I dealt with it. The article mainly talks about fear when you don’t want pregnancy, but in the end I’ll focus on working with fear when pregnancy is desired.

Article outline:

• Step 1. Physiology
• Step 2. Agreement with a partner
• Step 3. Psychology of working with fear: postponing and planning
• If you don't work with fear

The reasons for fear are individual for each of us, but the main ones can be identified::

• Loss of prospects for personal life, career, proper rest, especially if there is no or very little support
• Worries that there won't be enough money. You have no idea how to make money together with a child. And the husband/boyfriend’s income is not enough.
• If there have already been cases of unplanned pregnancy, when they seemed to be taking birth control... Lack of control over the situation causes a fear of repetition: “What if again?..”
• Previous difficult births, course of pregnancy. Or stories about such
• Lack of knowledge about physiology, how and under what conditions conception is possible, how to control this process
• Inability to say “no” to a partner
• Psychological trauma. Anything can happen here. For example, my mother always treated pregnancy and pregnant women with disgust. Or a friend got pregnant while unmarried and everyone condemned her and turned away from her. Or for you, pregnancy is a deformity, an inferiority. And so on and so forth.

In my case, by the third child all the reasons worsened! The strength is gone. Therefore, I urgently began to look for a reliable way to control the situation, but at the same time safe for health. Since condoms and suppositories cause thrush, it is not comfortable, hormones led to a decrease in thyroid function and libido. It turns out that I didn’t even want it for what I used it for, plus it ruined my health. Then why?)) Ah! By the way, the candle turned out to be the third child)). What remained was the spiral. But just the thought made me shudder.

I don’t remember how, it was 5 years ago, I came across information about the Symptothermal Method of Fertility Recognition (STMRP). More details about the method itself in the next article, but now how the information about STMRP helped me resolve the issue with the fear of pregnancy.

STEP 1 for dealing with pregnancy fears: seek information about the functioning of the female reproductive system

Women's health consultants (WHC), gave me complete knowledge about physiology and relieved my first fears, instilling confidence - “I know what is happening in my body today, and therefore I can decide whether to be intimate or not!”

The main ones are:

1. Conception is possible not only with a condom, a suppository, but even when taking hormonal contraceptives and installing an IUD. As proof, here is a table with the Perl index for each method. For example, for interrupted coitus it is 4-18. This means that from 4 to 18 women out of 100 who consistently used this method for a year became pregnant. With a condom - from 2 to 14 became pregnant according to the manufacturers). But in fact - more, especially if you use it during ovulation. That is, these are very unreliable methods. Hormonal drugs and IUDs are highly reliable, but they are not 100%: pregnancy occurs in 1 to 30 cases out of 1000. STMRP has the same reliability - 3 women out of 1000.

Please note that even with female sterilization, from 1 to 10 women out of 10,000 become pregnant!

CONCLUSIONS:

— The nature of the female body is such that if there is intimacy with a man, there is always the possibility of pregnancy.

— If a couple wants to avoid pregnancy, they ALWAYS have to pay for it. Either by health (hormones, IUDs, sterilization), or by time when they do not meet and endure (STMR, thermal method), or by unplanned pregnancy. Well, with money - in any case.

— The more reliable contraception, the more it injures the body. Up to infertility. The smaller, the less reliable. This does not apply to STMRP, because. this is a natural method based on knowledge of female physiology

2. Conception is possible only when the egg is released. This is 24 hours out of the entire cycle (or 12 hours, consultants will say more precisely, for this article it is not important). Sperm in a very healthy man are able to remain viable in the female genital tract under favorable conditions and “wait” for the release of the egg for up to 7-8 days.

Intimacy during menstruation can lead to pregnancy, since sperm easily penetrate the uterus through the open cervix and are very well preserved in an alkaline environment (blood). In addition, endometriosis is provoked, since there is a risk of menstrual blood reflux into the peritoneum. And also, intimacy with a man brings ovulation closer, since sperm contains hormones that accelerate the maturation of the egg. So you shouldn’t hope to “slip through” the last days of your period or the first days after them, unless you have reliable data from the STMRP that this day is infertile.

Determining ovulation is not so easy. Ovulation tests show a release of Luteinizing Hormone (LH), but exactly when ovulation occurs is not known and the release of the hormone does not always lead to ovulation. There are breakdowns! That is, you measured it - the test showed the presence of the LH hormone, but a breakdown occurred, which you do not know about and calmly go into intimacy. But in fact, it is at this moment that ovulation occurs and, as a result, an unplanned pregnancy.

It is much more reliable to record the fact of ovulation using body signals: basal temperature, the condition of the cervix and discharge from the cervix. After confirming the fact, you can relax, since there will be no repeat ovulation, and therefore no unplanned pregnancy. Whoever claimed the opposite, upon closer examination, it turned out that the person relied on his own assumptions, unreliable indicators - tests, the calendar method, ultrasound (yes, the follicle can ripen, but ovulation will not occur or it will occur later).

That is, in any cycle, only 10 days there is a chance of pregnancy, the rest - not.

3. Every woman and every cycle is unique. They may not be repeated, and the day of ovulation may shift. For example, in this cycle ovulation occurs on the 13th day, and in the next on the 11th. Or this year at 16, and the next at 18. Stress, illness, travel, etc... can disrupt ovulation and it may not occur in this cycle, but in the next it may occur earlier than usual. Therefore, it is necessary to monitor the situation every cycle.

You could be even more scared now!)) But I wrote this so that you realize -

Knowing yourself is real power!

Our ignorance of ourselves, hope for “maybe”, trust in the words of “knowledgeable” people who claim that “condoms never fail” - this is a real risk!

Therefore, be sure to understand exactly how your body works, when you are fertile (pregnancy is possible) and when you are infertile (pregnancy is impossible).

To understand this, I recommend the project of Natalya Petrukhina and her consultants, who helped me delve into all the intricacies of physiology and method, and understand the characteristics of my body. From free materials, you can study the playlist about contraception on her channel:

And Basics of Family Planning - free material by subscription. This is an affiliate link, I recommend it with full responsibility, because I know that Natalia’s materials and training are at a high level. No one else has the best Russian-language training using the method on the Internet and such a level of support, unlimited access to materials, depth and quality of their presentation! I know this for sure, because I worked with her for two years.

In addition, if, after registering using my link, you buy some paid products from her, I will give you one individual coaching session to solve problems from the third step. Just write to me about it (if you don’t know how to register using an affiliate link, write to me, I’ll send it to you)

STEP 2 in dealing with fear of pregnancy: agreement with your partner

A couple is a single whole and, of course, issues of choice - to be pregnant or not to be pregnant - must be discussed. If someone does not want to let a child into their life in the near future, they need to accept this and take appropriate action.

If you are using “unreliable” contraception, then at least do not date during ovulation. Forget about coitus interruptus. Even if a man did everything “on time,” some of the seminal fluid is released before ejaculation. Moreover, there were cases when there was no direct entry, but the seminal fluid got onto the labia (and the girl was a virgin!) and conception occurred because sperm are able to move from the labia through the vagina to the uterus and further to the egg.

If you use STMRP or thermal methods, then strictly adhere to their rules. Is it possible only on the third day? That means the third one, not the second one. I somehow decided that the second day was enough - this led to pregnancy. Unfortunately, the fetus froze, so I had an abortion. Then I was sick a lot, was on the verge of physical and nervous exhaustion, ovulation failure,... I thought that with such exhaustion, after an abortion, the body would definitely not have the strength for either ovulation or pregnancy. I allowed myself intimacy immediately after my period. So we had a fourth child - daughter Maryam, she is now 3 years old. We all adore her, but these incidents taught me to strictly follow the rules. And for 1 year and 5 months there are no more surprises. Natalya has a positive experience of postponing pregnancy with the help of STMRP, more than, like, 4 years.

That is, there should be no “nothing will happen”, no “just once”, no “I’ll have time to get out, don’t worry”, etc... No, that means no. And period.

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STEP 3 in working with fear of pregnancy: psychological study

3.1 Postponing pregnancy

As mothers of many children say: “I don’t even remember when I wasn’t pregnant or without a baby in my arms... it seems that this state will never come.” That’s how it was for me, when my eldest child was 2.7-3 years old, I already had a baby in my arms...

No matter how much we talk about the responsibility of both parties, pregnancy, childbirth and the first year of a child’s life fall almost entirely on the shoulders of the woman. Therefore, if you are not ready, if you are scared, first of all, it is important to learn to say “no” with a calm soul.

Why is it so hard to say no?

1) Feeling your value, importance, through sex. Wants = “I’m valuable.” It also happens that a woman deliberately provokes a man in order to feel a man’s desire, and therefore her value. And then he can refuse and once again enjoy how he suffers because of her.

Observe yourself, if this is the case for you - explore where you got this attitude from, and most importantly - find self-worth, self-confidence, simply in the fact that you are, outside the body and the desire of a man for you. Consciously replace and reinforce the new attitude.

2) Fear of rejection. If I refuse, he will leave, stop loving, won’t help, won’t give money, will go outside, etc... the last one is especially common.

In this case, you also need to strengthen your self-worth, but also solve practical issues - become more self-sufficient, able to solve everyday issues yourself, or, at a minimum, negotiate with a man for help using other methods. Perhaps the man is already ready to help, but fear is just working for you.

- Keep track of how you behave in other situations - how harmonious are your relationships, is there trust, reliability?

- How good is it for him to be with you outside of pastels, when you are who you are?

- And even if you find that if you refuse, he will go looking for someone else - is it worth sacrificing yourself?

- If he goes to someone else, whose responsibility is it? What qualities and values ​​does he convey? What is the worst thing about this situation for you? (the purpose of the question is to imagine and understand what you are really afraid of)

3) Inability to deny oneself desires: “I want it, which means I need to give myself this pleasure, I have the right to it.” Here you need to realize that following desires does not relieve you of responsibility for the consequences. Replay the situation in your head - as if intimacy ended with conception. Here they are, two stripes, what then?.. How will your life change? Are you ready for this? These questions will cool down your ardor and help you make the right decision. Including if the answer is “Yes”))

When you have figured out the physiology, know what happens every day and have learned to say “no”, it’s time to deal with the acceptance of feminine nature and the likelihood of pregnancy with any method of postponing simply because there is intimacy. Now, with knowledge of physiology, how your body works, and an agreement with your partner, this is much easier to do - there is a feeling of safety and reliability.

- Play out the situation of a possible pregnancy, what then?.. What’s the worst thing?.. What will life be like then?..

- Now think about the likelihood of a possible pregnancy. If it is STMRP, then there is only a 0.3% chance that you will become pregnant. Remember all the ways to control the situation, all the knowledge when the probability is least possible, feel self-confident, relaxed in your body. Amp it up.

If you can’t do it yourself, write through contacts, we’ll schedule an online session where you can make the technique more effectively in a safe, comfortable conversation.

3.2 Planning pregnancy

If your situation is the opposite - you want a child, but are afraid, then you need to work with:

• Fear of life changes after the birth of a child
• Worries about money
• Unreliability of relationships with partners, loved ones
• Psychological trauma associated with pregnancy, childbirth and young children

All these points occur in both women and men. Examples of experiences:

- “My husband won’t help. He didn't even fix the outlet. Will he go out with friends, and should I sit alone?..” One friend, due to the lack of support from her husband with her first child and one case of infidelity, could not forgive and trust for a long time. The fear that everything would fall on her again discouraged any desire, although she loves children very much. And only 10 years later, when her husband proved his fidelity and greater participation, did she decide on a second one.

- “She’ll blow my mind...” There is a strong opinion among men that women during pregnancy are unbearable, capricious and hysterical. Which actually happens. Especially if this is all there without pregnancy.

- “I will be the same commander as my mother.” A real example, I didn’t make it up. In the family, the main role was played by the mother, the father was gentle and agreed with everything. The girl was worried that she would attract the same weak-willed husband and, like her mother, would command, that is, the family scenario would work. This fear, despite the fact that she was married and wanted children, stopped her from getting pregnant.

“Suddenly I won’t be able to give birth normally. A child will be born with a disease, mutations..."

- “I won’t be able to support my family”

And so on. All these fears are unconscious and difficult to reason with. In addition, they often have some kind of “evidence base”, that is, an example from life, an existing situation. And since the mind “saw”, then proving to it that it could be otherwise is sometimes very difficult

Therefore, we need to work at several levels:

1. Relationships - establish trust, respect, enter into contracts. Where there is an agreement, mutual understanding is impossible - to conclude a non-aggression pact: “I tolerate you here, and you tolerate me here.” Talk a lot, discuss different situations: “What if...”. Work on yourself. If you expect fidelity from your partner, then you yourself must show fidelity. The same goes for trust and respect.

2. Worldview (beliefs, scenarios). Any fear indicates a lack of knowledge about life. It's like a dark corner with no light. What don't you know about yourself, about life? What skills are missing?

3. Logical - will strengthen the previous two. We are looking for logical arguments why fear is not necessarily realized, how we can reduce the likelihood of its realization, what knowledge to obtain, what actions to take.

This is an approximate plan, in more detail - only in individual work, since everyone has their own characteristics, their own pattern of perception and it is impossible to give one recipe for everyone.

_____________________

Men , if you are reading this article and if you like to talk about the topic “what a blessing and gift a child is, since God gave it, then it’s necessary, then there will be strength.” It's great that you will accept the child in any case, your woman is incredibly lucky. But not all women are ready to give birth “as long as God wills.”

Imagine what it’s like: bending over your huge belly in the last few months to put on your shoes, how to turn from side to side when your pelvic bones hurt at the slightest movement, and so on for 3-6 months... how to stay awake for half the night, and then all day take care of children/work, walk with the gait of a goose, how to get up in the morning and ride the bus when you feel sick from the smell of gasoline and people passing by... how to give birth... how with the birth of a baby the world changes completely... and much more!

Men, think about this a little and think a hundred times - is it worth putting pressure on a woman and urging her to give birth to a baby, because this is “such a joy”! Yes, there are easy pregnancies and births, and the baby is calm, yes, well done to those who prepare in advance, but no one knows how everything will go this time. And if a woman is not ready, especially if she needs to recover, then the birth of a baby will be harmful to her, the child, and you!

_____________________

What if you don't work with fear?

Take your fortune. You started looking for information about fear of pregnancy for a reason. This means that it bothers you, torments you, and takes away your strength. I want to get rid of this state, feel lightness, joy, freedom, confidence in myself and the situation. At least for this sake, it’s worth working with your fear and understanding what lies behind it, what its origins are and how to cope with it.

The second reason is that fear affects the functioning of cells and affects the condition of internal organs and tissues. We all know how our stomachs feel when we're really worried. Something similar, only in a chronic form, happens when there is a fear of pregnancy - the internal organs are subject to constant spasms, and where there is a spasm, there is stagnation of blood, poor metabolism and, as a result, a disturbance in the structure and inflammation. What exactly the fear will result in depends on your individual characteristics. It breaks where it is thin. This could be adhesions in the pipes, inflammation of the reproductive system, cystitis, problems with the thyroid gland, and so on.

And third, fears can come true. A thought that contains information about frightening possibilities as a result of pregnancy has the potential to be realized. And if you already realize that you have a fear of pregnancy, then it is better to deal with it than to expose yourself to the possibility of it becoming a reality. For example, when I became pregnant, even when everything was not going very smoothly, I did not allow negative thoughts, I directly forbade myself to think and imagine bad consequences. Because I knew that my attitude was more important than the current circumstances.

So, what exactly did I do to get rid of the fear of pregnancy :

• I figured out physiology, how each phase proceeds for me, learned to correctly interpret the body’s signals in order to know exactly what is happening during a given period
• discussed the necessary measures with my husband, explained all the nuances, enlisted his support, increased self-confidence, learned to say “no”, follow the rules of the method
• I gradually work through negative expectations and fears (they are revealed gradually)
• created a positive image of family life, resolved the issue of family organization and rules so that she could relax
• I find confirmation of the enormous potential of the body and the human spirit (for example, how a woman gives birth to a healthy baby that developed in the abdominal cavity)
• I figure everything out myself, I use information hygiene so as not to be caught up in other people’s fears and interpretations (even scientists and doctors)
• I practice spiritual self-development, yoga

If you take a closer look, fear is just a lack of knowledge about life. And bad things happen to us only because we allow distortions and negative programs to exist in our consciousness, because we put ourselves below circumstances, we put ourselves in the role of a victim. If you want to be free from fears and feel strong, work on your thinking, remove mental limitations, explore and develop your capabilities, strengthen your self-confidence and willpower. Then you will succeed!

Regards, Tatiana

Fear: I am under too much stress - it will harm the baby

Facts that will reassure you:

With the hormonal surges that occur in your body every now and then during pregnancy, complete exhaustion and everything else that happens during this period, it would be surprising if you remained completely calm. But worrying about being too stressed won't do you any good. A tough day at work or a fight with a friend won't harm your child.

Most studies show that periodic stress has minimal effects on the unborn baby.

At the same time, research confirms that ongoing severe stress (for example, due to the death of a loved one or layoff from work) can increase some risks during pregnancy, for example, the risk of premature birth increases. Experts agree that it all depends on how you handle a stressful situation. If you know that you are prone to strong feelings, try to find your own way to calm down - draw, read books, talk with a loved one.

Fear: My baby will have birth defects

Facts that will reassure you:

Like most expectant mothers, you wait with bated breath for the results of the next test and hope that the testing will show that your baby is healthy and developing as expected. And that's probably true.

The risk of having a child with any birth defect is only 4%, and this statistic includes both serious developmental anomalies and very minor defects such as:

• toenail problems;
• minor heart problems that will go away some time after birth.

Even if a screening shows something is wrong with your baby, it doesn't necessarily mean there is a problem.

In many cases, follow-up tests confirm that, in fact, everything is fine. The best way to protect your baby from developing birth defects is to take a multivitamin with folic acid and talk to your doctor about your and your family's medical history. Using this information, your doctor can help you understand what your risks are and answer any “what ifs” you may have.

Fear: I will go into labor too early

Facts that will reassure you:

Worrying about going into premature labor may be on your list of fears, as statistics show that the number of premature births is steadily increasing.

Only 13% of all pregnancies end in premature birth, in addition, the majority of premature babies (70%) are born at 34-36 weeks - at this period the child’s body is already completely ready to function outside the mother’s womb, and the risk of developing health problems is extremely low .

In addition, if your baby is suddenly born prematurely, a team of doctors will make sure that everything is fine with him. Additionally, there are many things you can do to help carry your baby to term: don't smoke, don't drink alcohol, remember to take your vitamins, and keep regular doctor's appointments. A study of more than 40,000 women found that those who took vitamins before and during pregnancy were much less likely to experience preterm birth (50-70%) than those who did not.

Fear: I will never be able to lose the weight I gained during pregnancy.

Facts that will reassure you:

Every chubby girl on the planet is worried about getting back her pre-pregnancy curves. And articles about how celebrities managed to restore their former figure immediately after they got out of the maternity ward, to be honest, do not help at all, and sometimes only aggravate the experience. In fact, research shows that 14-20% of women never fully regain their pre-pregnancy weight. But don’t be upset, there are many ways that will help you get rid of every extra kilogram that you gained while carrying your baby under your heart.

First, try to stick to your doctor's recommendations about how much weight you should gain. Research has shown that women who gain excessive weight are less likely to regain their previous shape.

Another news: breastfeeding improves metabolism, promoting weight loss.

And, as soon as your doctor gives you permission, start doing exercises. Scientists from Brazil found that women who exercised and ate a healthy diet lost excess weight much faster than those who simply reduced the number of calories they ate. And believe me, getting back to exercise is much easier than you might think. Go for walks, use a cardio machine, do Pilates or yoga.

Nowadays you can find many different exercises online that will help you get back in shape without leaving your home.

Also try to get enough sleep. Scientists have proven that women who slept enough time regained their previous weight faster. Yes, it is extremely difficult to get enough sleep with a small child in your arms, but try. For example, you can use the time when your baby is sleeping for sleep, or ask someone close to you to sit with your baby for a couple of hours so that you can get some rest.

Dealing with panic during pregnancy

Creative crisis - what is it, how to determine its onset and overcome it

To avoid panic, you need to prepare as much as possible for childbirth. To do this, study the stages, precursors and duration of all processes. Many women are afraid that they will give birth unexpectedly and will not have time to get to the hospital. In fact, rapid birth is rare. From the first contractions to the birth of the baby, an average of 8 to 12 hours passes. During this time, you can calmly get ready, check your prepared things and get to the maternity hospital. The contractions themselves are difficult to miss. They cannot be confused with anything else. Nagging pain will appear with a certain frequency. Now there are applications that allow you to time the time between contractions. It’s so easy to understand what stage a woman is at.

Contractions

It is necessary to become familiar with the breathing techniques used during childbirth. They will help:

• Relax;
• Reduce pain.

Proper breathing during contractions will make them less noticeable. It is better to study all kinds of positions in which the expectant mother is allowed to be during childbirth. After all, you don’t have to lie down, you can walk, stand in the shower, sit on a fitball.

Important! The main thing is to listen to your body and understand its desires. Be sure to remember that it is more difficult and scary for the baby at this moment. He does not understand what is happening and is afraid of changes. You need to support him with a positive attitude, then the birth will be easier. The baby reads his mother’s emotions, so it is better to maintain composure and communicate with him, calming and encouraging him.

Physical activity is not prohibited during pregnancy. Exercising your pelvic floor muscles is beneficial and makes childbirth easier. Athletic girls give birth independently and faster, without injuries or cuts, which makes the recovery period much easier.

During pregnancy you can:

• walk;
• go swimming;
• go to yoga.

There is gymnastics designed for pregnant women; its elements can be learned in special courses to prepare for childbirth.

A favorite activity, especially a monotonous one, such as embroidery or knitting, will also help to calm you down. Many pregnant women begin to draw and sew.

Fear of childbirth: how to cope:

1. Resolve that everything will be fine. Fears intensify feelings, constrain muscles and bring pain. In this case, childbirth is difficult and painful;
2. If fears remain after receiving all kinds of information, agree on a joint birth, which can be attended by the husband or another loved one. Support will have a beneficial effect and help you relax and believe in yourself;
3. Now it is possible to choose a clinic and enter into an agreement with any doctor. Meeting and talking with the person who will deliver the baby will relieve you of uncertainty and fears.

Conversation with a doctor

Often during pregnancy, causeless anxiety attacks occur, causing increased blood pressure and shortness of breath. In psychology they are usually called panic attacks. Women who have experienced a similar disorder before pregnancy are more susceptible to them. The condition is not dangerous, but can often be treated with medications, the use of which while expecting a child is prohibited. Therefore, panic attacks during pregnancy must be overcome without resorting to medications. Otherwise, pressure surges and breathing problems will negatively affect the baby’s development.

Panic attacks during pregnancy: what to do:

1. Contact a psychologist. This is a conversation disorder;
2. The doctor will find out the causes of the disorders and indicate how to overcome panic states;
3. Negative thoughts and attitudes noticed will be replaced by positive ones. Self-esteem will increase, which will give you self-confidence and relieve fears.

Fear: I will develop complications such as preeclampsia or gestational diabetes

Facts that will reassure you:

The risk of developing dangerously high blood pressure (preeclampsia) is only 5-8%. Most often, this complication occurs in women under the age of 18 and after 35 years, as well as in those who have chronically high blood pressure that does not go away during pregnancy. If you have had any of these factors, your doctor will monitor your condition closely and the problem will likely be caught early. Preeclampsia usually develops late in pregnancy, when it can no longer seriously affect your health. There is no way to reduce the risk of developing this complication. The main thing is to regularly come for examinations with your doctor (during which your blood pressure will be checked), and be sure to warn your doctor if you notice any symptoms of preeclampsia:

• swelling in the hands or face;
• headache;
• blurry vision.

All this will help detect the problem in the early stages. As for gestational diabetes - a condition in which your body cannot absorb glucose (sugar) properly - the risks of developing it are also low. Simple dietary changes, such as reducing your intake of complex starchy carbohydrates, can help manage the problem. If you are healthy, your doctor will do a glucose tolerance test at 24-28 weeks to make sure everything is okay.

Superstitions and signs

Fears during pregnancy are natural. There are many signs and superstitions associated with an interesting position. The older generation is especially trying here. However, in most cases, these fears are unfounded; signs have ancient roots, are already outdated and do not work in the modern world.

For example, is there a logical explanation why pregnant women should not cut their hair? No. And many people walk around like this for 9 months with unkempt hair or hair clips. They are afraid to get their hair cut.

Or another thing: you can’t eat an egg with a double yolk and fused berries. Why on earth? Any grandmother will be happy to explain to you that this sign promises the birth of twins or the same age. But it is unlikely to come true.

And even if it did: what’s the problem? Many people dream of having twins, or giving birth one after the other, so that by a certain age they can deal with bottles and diapers and calmly pursue a career.

But kissing and cuddling a cat during pregnancy is really not recommended. And this is not superstition, but a warning from doctors. You can get toxoplasmosis from an animal.

But let’s look at the most common myths that cause fear in pregnant women and refute or confirm them.

Myth No. 1: sewing and other handicrafts

For example, it is believed that pregnant women should not sew or knit. Experts in omens say that this is how they “sew up” the baby’s path. Or the knitting will cause the umbilical cord to tie in knots.

In fact, they used to do handicrafts in the light of splinters, bending double over. This situation worsened the oxygen supply to the fetus, which led to various deviations. This sign should not be taken for granted. You just need to sit in a comfortable position and direct a lot of light to your sewing or knitting.

Myth No. 2: buying a child's dowry

Another belief prescribed not to buy anything before giving birth. Otherwise, things prepared in advance may become the prey of evil spirits.

Not a single rational woman would believe this. And after giving birth, there is simply no time to do shopping. Therefore, there is usually no choice left.

Myth #3: Stepping over obstacles

The sign prohibiting stepping over obstacles is not without meaning. Previously, it was believed that spirits could be offended. But in fact, late in life is definitely not the time to do steeplechase. You may simply not see the obstacle because of your stomach and fall. Jumping will also not add health. Reasonable caution must be exercised.

Fear: Sex will never be the same again

Facts that will reassure you:

It is difficult to imagine how everything will be restored “there” after the child is born. But so it will be! You just need to give your body some time to recover, and your libido will be blazing again with renewed vigor (breastfeeding may dampen your sexual fervor for a while at first). During the first few months, you and your husband will be more likely to just sleep than have sex. Once your doctor has cleared you to resume sexual activity, take things slowly and with caution, it may hurt a little the first few times - use lubricant. But the human body is amazing - soon you will feel the same as before.

Almost 70% of women report that 6 months after giving birth, their sex life is the same as it was before pregnancy.

In addition, after some time has passed, when your muscles are restored, some mothers notice that intimate relationships are better than they were before pregnancy. Their desire awakens more often, and the sensations become stronger.

Worries about your figure

Many women are afraid that pregnancy will negatively affect their figure. They worry that they will gain weight and that stretch marks will appear on their stomach. It is of great concern that after childbirth the figure will not return to its former parameters.

Here almost everything depends on the woman herself. Usually new mothers blossom. In addition, after a few weeks or months, women have to forget about a quiet life due to caring for the baby. With the arrival of troubles, excess weight goes away. And long walks allow you to quickly get back in shape.

Hence the fear of becoming unattractive to her husband. In fact, you just need to remember that there is a beloved spouse in life, and not just a child.

Fear: childbirth will be too difficult and painful - I won’t be able to cope

Facts that will reassure you:

You may feel comfortable in your pregnancy, watching the development of the baby in your tummy, decorating the nursery, choosing the baby's names, but as soon as there are a few weeks left before the birth, you suddenly begin to feel fear: how will everything go!? So, you start to worry about various things that can happen during labor. Do you want to know how much it hurts? How long will it last? Don't worry: women have been giving birth since the beginning of time, and you can handle it too! In addition, in the modern world there are so many methods to help relieve pain.

Benefits of Epidural Anesthesia

If you're the type of person who feels even more nervous after having all the information, talk to your doctor about certain birth-related concerns, and then just try not to obsess over it. And don’t watch various programs about childbirth - they do not indicate that you will give birth in the same way. As a rule, the show shows the most dramatic and difficult cases of childbirth, which are extremely rare. If, on the contrary, you feel more confident having all the information, go to courses for pregnant women, talk to the instructor and your friends who have children. Make a birth plan and discuss it with your doctor. No matter how much you worry or how you cope with your fears, it is very important to have a doctor you completely trust and with whom you can talk openly about your fears and wishes in the delivery room. It's also important that your doctor can tell you what to actually expect.

How to overcome fears during pregnancy

It is normal to be afraid during pregnancy, but only if the fears do not threaten the health of the baby and the mental health of the mother. Constructive fears can be overcome by expanding your knowledge about pregnancy and the peculiarities of its course, as well as after communicating with a doctor.

Algorithm for getting rid of fears in a pregnant woman

To combat destructive obsessive states, the following algorithm is used.
Mechanism for dealing with pathological fears:

1. Determining the cause of fear (according to the pregnant woman);
2. Identification of the destructive component at the cognitive level (thoughts that caused fear);
3. Determining the nature of fear (negative previous experiences, stories from others, Internet information, etc.);
4. Development of an action plan to combat fear - certain actions, drug treatment, psychological support for the pregnant woman;
5. Control throughout the entire journey to overcome fear by a competent person (obstetrician-gynecologist, psychologist, psychotherapist and other specialists);
6. Analysis of the results obtained.

This is a general framework that can be applied to any approach to dealing with fears.

Art therapy for dealing with fears in a pregnant woman

It is known that visualizing fear is 50% of success in the fight against it.
By depicting her phobia, a woman relieves the psychophysiological tension of the whole body, transferring it to paper. The peculiarity of this direction is a specific psychological mechanism - creative activity, in which a pregnant woman manifests herself as an individual in all the versatility of connections and structures. There are a number of exercises that are performed as part of art therapy:

• “This is my fear!”
  The subject is asked to depict the fear in free form and describe it in detail in all details. This is how anxiety states are realized and processed, and their verbalization occurs, which forces the pregnant woman to articulate a strategy for behavior in an alarming situation.
• "Acting with Fear"
  . The subjects depict fear, as in the previous task, but instead of describing it they must figure out what to do with this image: crumple it, throw it away, tear it, wet it, etc. With such actions there is a struggle on a subconscious level. The subconscious mind remembers the algorithm of behavior when this phobia occurs, the reaction to it will be different, softer than before.
• "Fairy tale thread"
  . A ball of thread is taken, and the presenter begins the story, for example: “Once upon a time there was a girl, Lucy, and she was so afraid to give birth that...”, finishes the phrase and passes the ball to the next one in the circle, who continues this story. So the ball is passed around in a circle to all members of the group until the fear ceases to be terrifying.

Art therapy is used both individually and in a group approach. Taking into account the specifics of the pregnancy period and female psychology in general, group classes will be more constructive and emotionally positive for a pregnant woman, where a woman can feel not alone in her fears, understand what all pregnant women experience, thus making it easier for her to cope with her phobias .

Gestalt therapy for overcoming fears during pregnancy

The main concept in this psychological direction is gestalt.
This is a certain image that haunts a person. The main task of the Gestalt therapeutic school of psychology is to close this obsessive negative image, that is, to overcome your fear. Exercises for pregnant women as part of Gestalt therapy:

1. Perception of phobias as a holistic process, independent of the will of a person
   . The subjects replace the phrase “I’m afraid...” with “There is a certain fear in me...” As a result, the relationship between the concepts “figure-ground” turns the original chain of fear into “There is a fear in me, the causes of which are incomprehensible to me and do not depend on me...” In the internal In terms of personality, a person goes through a series of transformations that lead to insight (illumination). The reunification of internal and external feelings, the realization that fear does not depend on a person and is a holistic process, forces you to change life priorities and correctly place emphasis.
2. "Self-flagellation"
   . This is a reunion of personality opposites. The subjects compare their fear and courage in the “here and now” situation. A dialogue is built during which fear as an emotional and sensory experience is integrated into the space surrounding the individual. The main goal of the exercise is unity with yourself, complete awareness of fear.

Note! Completing psychological tasks will bring results only if they are carried out under the guidance of a psychologist or psychotherapist! Only a competent specialist will be able to correctly structure the lesson and consolidate the results obtained.

What are fears during pregnancy and how to deal with them - watch the video:

The main thing in overcoming fear is to remember that all this is for the sake of the baby’s mental and physical health, and then success will not be long in coming!

Fear: What if something really awkward happens during labor?

Facts that will reassure you:

You've probably heard different stories about how a woman in labor went to the toilet right on the delivery table, or about how a woman vomited right on the doctor, or how she started yelling obscenities at her husband in front of everyone for what he did it's with her. And yes, the birth will end with a team of doctors and nurses looking expectantly at your vagina and listening to your every grunt and every moan. But guess what? They do this five times a day, and none of this is new to them. And at that moment you will absolutely not care. The only thing you will think about is when the baby finally leaves you and when you see him for the first time.

“To be honest, we don’t care about anything.”

Karin Morse, obstetrician-gynecologist

Therefore, throw these experiences out of your head. If this makes you feel better, do waxing, ask for an enema, or tell your family who will be with you during childbirth not to look at everything that happens below your belt.

How to get rid of the fear of childbirth

To stop worrying about your upcoming birth, sign up for a prenatal training course. Today there are a huge number of methods for building confidence in a woman in the future and, in particular, in easy, quick childbirth. One of these techniques will certainly suit you.

When deciding on the choice of courses, remember that the program should consist of 4 stages:

1. Psychological preparation. Experts dispel a woman’s subconscious and conscious fears about pregnancy and childbirth during individual conversations, the main goal of which is to suppress negative emotions and anxious experiences. Thanks to such activities, the expectant mother develops a conscious perception of her situation and an objective attitude towards childbirth as an absolutely natural and inevitable process. Special personal development trainings will help a pregnant woman overcome her insecurities and draw positive energy and inspiration from the world around her.
2. Lectures on childbirth. Information about the mechanism of labor and options for the course and resolution of labor gives a woman confidence in her own abilities. Practicing obstetricians and gynecologists help the worried female audience understand one simple truth: the more you learn about the problem, the less you are afraid of it and believe that you will definitely cope with it!
3. Group gymnastics classes. Pregnant women are introduced to the technique of proper breathing and tensing the abdominal and pelvic floor muscles - this knowledge helps to significantly facilitate the birth process.
4. Lectures on physiology, health of newborns and care for them. Pleasant conversations in a circle of “like-minded women” help a woman not only relax, but also gain a strong information base that will help her more than once after the birth of her baby.

Remember, in most cases we are afraid of the unknown, not a specific problem. This means that getting rid of fear and anxiety is as easy as shelling pears: meet them halfway, rather than hide from them. Read, ask, watch educational videos. It is fortunate that we live in an era of accessible and diverse information. As soon as you feel that you are already sufficiently savvy with the necessary information, you will immediately understand: the fear has disappeared, and you passionately want to see your baby as soon as possible!

We are in no way trying to convince you that pregnancy and childbirth are an easy and easy stage in a woman’s life. We just want to emphasize that the body and psyche of each representative of the fair sex is programmed by nature for procreation: each can safely bear and give birth to a healthy baby. Solve problems as they arise - agree in advance on qualified assistance during childbirth, enlist the support of your loved one and relatives - then fears and worries will significantly decrease over the course of 9 months!

Fear: I will need an emergency caesarean section

Facts that will reassure you:

A third of all babies are born by Caesarean section, but many of these surgeries were planned rather than performed at the last minute without warning. For example, a caesarean section may be planned if the baby is not upside down, or if the baby is too large, if there are problems with the placenta, or if the mother has already had a caesarean section.

“From my own experience, I can say that emergency caesarean sections are performed extremely rarely. But what if something happens and you need it? That's why you're in the hospital! And of course, the operation can be scary, but usually mothers and their children tolerate it very easily.”

Karin Morse, obstetrician-gynecologist

Fear for the baby's health

The fear of giving birth to an unhealthy child is one of the “leaders” among the fears of pregnant women. Anxiety for the baby's future is quite natural. Here you need to understand that modern medicine is quite capable of identifying the main serious pathologies, so the risks are minimal if you do an ultrasound on time and undergo all tests.

Another question; what if there are hereditary problems? However, many of them are also detectable and preventable. More research can be done here.

The fear of losing a child, not fully carrying a pregnancy, etc. has a related nature.

If, even after all the tests, the expectant mother still does not believe the doctors, then the best option is to consult a psychologist. Auto-training will also help.

Fear: I won't make it to the hospital on time

Facts that will reassure you:

It doesn't happen every day, but when it does, it's all over the news, which goes something like this: A mom gave birth in a taxi on the way to the hospital, and the taxi driver stood next to her, just like a real obstetrician. The truth is, you will most likely have a very long time between the first contraction and the arrival of your baby.

Official statistics say that the first birth lasts on average from 12 to 21 hours.

Talk to your pregnancy class instructor or your obstetrician to make sure you understand when to go to the hospital. Take a test drive to see how much time you need on the road. Also keep in mind that labor may begin during rush hour, so it is better to leave early.