If you cheated on your partner, you may face intense feelings of guilt. It's not good, but it's absolutely normal. You have violated another person's trust, and this may make you feel guilty. But betrayal is not a crime for which you need to pay with mental anguish, so let’s consider the question of how to get rid of the feeling of guilt for adultery.
How to explain guilt
Guilt is an uncomfortable and often painful feeling that comes from the belief or impression that you have violated someone else's feelings through certain thoughts or behaviors. In this case, we are talking about cheating on your husband, and cheating, as you know, is considered an antisocial act. Adultery is a sin in religion, it is a serious offense in the law, because third-party intimate relationships are a serious reason for divorce in court.
Most anthropologists agree that early humans would not have survived without strong emotional bonds that would have led them to cooperate in food gathering and territorial defense. It is not surprising that modern relationships between people are endowed with inhibitions and reactions to behavior that threaten emotional connections. First of all, it's guilt. Behaviors that threaten the emotional connection stimulate feelings of guilt, while behaviors that enhance the connection relieve feelings of guilt. Simply put, the person will become closer to you, and the guilt will disappear.
This evolutionary function of guilt, naturally selected for its advantage in preserving emotional bonds that were once essential for survival, has nothing to do with moral judgments of right or wrong. Therefore, we cannot simply define this phenomenon.
Is it possible to overcome feelings of shame and guilt?
Everyone knows that every person makes mistakes more than once. All people tend to make mistakes in life, for which they are ashamed. And often the feeling of guilt lives in a person for so long that it is impossible to get rid of it
Psychology distinguishes between these two concepts. Shame is when a person cannot speak openly about his action or what is happening to him. He even burns with shame even at the mere memory. But shame can be completely innocent.
For example, it is a shame to approach someone or go out dirty. Shame can be called the feeling when something is wrong with us. This is usually associated with low self-esteem.
And guilt is an experience that arises when we do something that does not correspond to something: moral standards or our internal norms (this state is called “gnawing conscience”).
Most likely, the feeling of shame comes from childhood. As children, we were shamed a lot for “bad” actions or actions. If a child is shamed or compared with others in such a way that it makes him feel bad, then the feeling of inferiority will remain with him forever.
How can you get rid of the feeling of guilt for an action you have committed?
Of course, you won’t be able to quickly bring your conscience to a comfortable state. This is influenced by many factors:
- relationship with your husband - if he is a good person, your feelings of guilt will only worsen;
- whether your husband or other family members suffer from this;
- whether the husband had casual relationships;
- did this betrayal bring you the feelings you were striving for?
To get rid of guilt after committing betrayal, listen to some recommendations
Support
Guilt increases when you put up walls around yourself and isolate yourself from others. Opening up to people who can relate to your situation can help you overcome feelings of guilt.
- Get advice from someone you trust. Contact a third party to find out how you should move forward. Choose someone you can trust to keep your secret. Someone who is older and/or wiser will be able to give sound advice. For example, if you have a colleague or friend who was able to heal their relationship after a similar situation, then he will be the one who can help you. Avoid trusting anyone who might reveal your secret or judge you for your actions.
- If you haven't found someone to open up to, turn to online groups where people with the same problems communicate.
- See a psychotherapist. If you have repeatedly cheated and cheated, you may need to work with a professional to address the root cause of your behavior and then work on the problem.
- Seek spiritual advice. If you are a believer, contact a religious mentor. A spiritual leader will be able to listen to you without judging you and offer practical solutions to overcome the guilt you feel.
Forgiveness
Sometimes a person feels guilty because he has not been forgiven. Perhaps he did not ask for forgiveness, did not admit his action.
- Accept that you are only human. Transform the guilt into something that can be self-compassionate. You are not the first woman to cheat on her husband. Recognize this common thread of humanity and you won't feel so guilty about making a mistake. Tell yourself: “I am only human. I am not ideal. I make mistakes". This statement does not justify your wrongdoings - it simply helps ease your suffering.
- Another way to get rid of at least part of the burden is to put the problem on paper. This can help ease the guilt and give you some objectivity about the situation. You may even find a solution as you write. Describe in vivid detail exactly what happened. Express all your thoughts and feelings that you are experiencing. You could say, “I slept with my ex, I regret it. But I don’t want my partner to find out, I don’t know how to move forward.” If you are afraid of someone else reading what you wrote, burn the paper. This act of destruction may symbolize that deception and its consequences should not continue to affect you.
- If you are a woman of faith, pray. Use your faith in a higher power to overcome guilt. You can do this by reading the scriptures, praying, meditating, or fasting. Your faith can provide guidance on how you can move forward after being deceived. Following spiritual practices can give you peace and acceptance, which will ultimately minimize feelings of guilt.
- Focus on the future, not the past. Practice the thought of stopping when you feel guilty. And try to constantly take positive actions that move you forward.
How to make peace?
If you, being an unfaithful husband, have come to your senses and want to save your marriage, then you need to take all possible methods that can melt the ice in your wife’s heart.
It should be understood that not every woman is generally able to forgive betrayal, no matter how much her husband repents and what efforts he expends to reconcile with her. However, it is necessary to try, especially if you want to return your wife and there is at least a minimal opportunity to maintain love.
First of all, you need to apologize to your wife or girlfriend for cheating. There are several recommendations that will make you more likely to get a pardon:
- Begin to act actively immediately after the woman finds out about your misconduct, without waiting for her to leave you. In this case, delay will work against you: her disappointment, advice from friends, parents, etc. will be added.
- Sincerely admit your own guilt. However, you should not expect that everything will be limited to this. The main thing is to take the first step towards reconciliation.
- Don't give ultimatums or blame her for what happened. If you really value your relationship, then you need to realize your real situation and leave the commanding tone. Don’t resort to phrases like “If you want, then let’s get a divorce” or “If I leave, I won’t come back.” In a state of extreme stress, your spouse may agree with your careless proposal. As a result, you will become the initiator of your breakup and then you certainly will not be able to return your wife or girlfriend after your betrayal.
- Eliminate compromising connections from your life, cut off all contacts with your mistress. To do this, add her phone number to the “black list” and remove her from friends on social networks. If you work in the same institution, then most likely you will have to change your place of work.
- Make a promise to your wife to always be there. For some time, reduce or completely eliminate business trips, meetings with friends and other events. Try to always be in front of her, at least at first, until suspicion subsides.
Even if the woman you love has forgiven you, be prepared for the fact that the insult caused to her will be repeatedly mentioned during quarrels. It may even happen that by your betrayal she will begin to justify her not the most worthy actions.
You also need to take into account that during your disagreement she could have another man. Returning a wife to the family after taking her away from her lover is much more difficult. However, if you are truly committed to reviving your relationship, do not expect an easy and quick result.
The best solution is change
Guilt, like all emotions, changes shape with the passage of time. Instead of thinking that you have to do something to relieve yourself, have patience and know that this feeling will eventually go away.
If you seek a negative solution, it can lead to depression, alcoholism, drug addiction or other emotional problems. Avoid this, better try to change something in your life for the better, work more on your relationship with your loved one.
- The only way to move forward without guilt is to stop cheating. Being in two relationships is unfair for both the person you are cheating on and the person you are cheating with. Decide who you want to be with and move on from the secondary relationship. For example, if you fell in love with the person you are cheating with and no longer love your husband, it is better to be honest and start a new life without lies.
- If you remain close to your husband, continue to be faithful. Don't break his trust again. Become more tender, caring, prove to him your love and devotion.
- Learn from the situation. How can you use this experience? This can help you break the behavioral and thought patterns that caused you to cheat.
It is very important to understand that your action has not made you any worse. You have not become a bad wife or mother. You are just a living person who can succumb to temptation, who can be guided by emotions. But repentance that comes in time should give you a chance for forgiveness and life from scratch.
How to atone for guilt before your little daughter?
The mother gives the child as much as she has, as much as she took from her family. He gives himself completely without reserve. you don't have to blame yourself. Nobody is perfect 24 hours a day.
If a woman has a feeling of guilt towards her child, then first of all she needs to find out what it is connected with. Blame is very rarely directed at the child himself. If a mother wants to take care of a child (and she, as a rule, does), she takes care of him in one way or another.
Quarrels are an integral part of any relationship, even the strongest. It is impossible to build a relationship without disagreements and small quarrels. That is, the question “how to apologize to a guy or girl” will not lose its relevance. Of course, quarrels are different, and sometimes a simple “excuse me” is not enough. All people are different, that is, and each person needs an individual approach. How to “get through” to a guy if you have offended him, what words to find so that he forgives?
Every girl who values her relationship with her beloved man is looking for ways to make amends, and famous psychologists give advice on how to do this.
- You shouldn’t rush to apologize to the guy; give him and yourself time to “cool down.” Let the passions subside a little, subside.
- After waiting a little time, try to ask for forgiveness in words, repent of your own wrong. It is important for some men to see your desire to be forgiven, your sincere feelings about the offense caused to him. Let the notes of deep repentance be heard in your voice, words about love will also be very helpful. Don't be too persistent, don't demand an immediate answer and restoration of the relationship.
- Sometimes it takes a while for an apology to be heard and accepted.
- When asking for forgiveness for your own wrongdoing, you cannot say that not only you, but also he is to blame. Additional reproaches will not smooth out, but will even further expose the sharp edges.
- It’s great if the place where you ask for forgiveness has a touch of romance: dinner in a cafe, or a cozy home environment. It's hard to find a male who doesn't like to eat delicious food. Play on these strings: cook his favorite potatoes with dill and a huge piece of meat. Don't rush to apologize, the guy needs to get enough. A well-fed man is a kind man; he will most likely forgive the offense inflicted on him.
- It happens that, as an apology to a guy, you have to appease him - please him with a thing that he has long dreamed of. Naturally, the gift will be complemented by your tender words and assurances of eternal love.
- Express regret about what happened, do not look for excuses. Your boyfriend should see that you admitted your guilt, repent, understanding how you offended him.
- Guys just want to seem a little callous, most of them are romantics at heart. You can beg for forgiveness by “playing” on the romantic strings of the soul of your unjustly offended friend. Write and send poems asking for forgiveness - this will be very pleasant for the young man.
- If you want to go further, then a multi-meter stretching banner with special words known only to you two, located along the route of his car, will not leave him indifferent.
- Don't forget that a smile can melt an icy man's heart. Give yourself to your boyfriend: let them wrap you in cellophane, tie a bow on top, and deliver it to his house, making sure to sign the receipt for accepting the gift.
- When a person is dear and necessary to you, look for any way that leads to reconciliation.
- It’s a completely different case if the guy deliberately provoked you into a quarrel, which became a pretext for breaking up - what to do, it happens. In such cases, no matter how much you apologize to the guy, you will get nothing but humiliation. Let go of the situation when you see that your apology is simply not needed.
Summary
The best advice on how to apologize to a guy is to not offend him. In any everyday situations, take your time, think before you say anything. The word, unfortunately, is not like a sparrow bird - if it flies out, you won’t catch it. Sometimes, intemperance can ruin the warmest relationships, which are not easy to restore. Good luck
Mistakes and blunders, sadly enough, are part of our lives. We all say or do something from time to time that we later regret. If you make a mistake, you will most likely feel embarrassed and try to atone for your guilt. Unfortunately, time cannot be turned back. However, you can try to correct the mistake and improve relationships with the people whose feelings were hurt.
How to forgive yourself
The most common form of guilt is self-blame. It seems that you are bad and do not fit in with your family. However, it is not. The main thing is to admit the problem, apologize to yourself and love yourself again.
You can use some psychological techniques and techniques that will allow you to work through internal grievances and shortcomings. Analysis of your inner world can be done using an ordinary piece of paper. Write down all your shortcomings and grievances. Underneath them write: “I forgive myself and accept myself completely.” Don't rush to analyze and make decisions. Think about what positive qualities you have and how they should be developed in order to achieve success in life.
Remember, your psychological state is only in your hands. Until you realize that the salvation from remorse is you yourself, then no books, films or videos will save you. Your happy life is next to you, be able to forgive yourself and find strength for a happy and joyful life!
How to get rid of it?
As they say, shame is different. If only you know about it, then you don’t have to tell anyone. If an awkward situation arises, then try to cope with the feeling of awkwardness in an adult way.
For example, the following incident happened to you: your skirt fell off. What should I do, it’s so embarrassing! Just say the phrase: “I have nothing to be ashamed of, all people find themselves in awkward situations.” Take it easy on any uncomfortable situation. Remember: a feeling of shame, other than self-destruction, will not bring you anything, and it is of no use to you.
Of course, shame is a broader concept. Shame often leads to self-improvement. For example, it is a shame not to know how many continents there are on the planet or the Pythagorean theorem. Each person will find which direction of self-improvement to go in so that he is not ashamed to communicate in the society in which he is destined to move. Study the world more, then you can get rid of such a thing as shame.
Two people are responsible for family relationships
Divorce in a family is a very painful condition for both the wife and the husband. Even if a man leaves for another woman, he still worries and feels remorse. But it is the woman who suffers the most during a divorce. She begins to look for mistakes in herself, forgetting that two must build a family.
The whole difficulty lies in the fact that you tried to be convenient for your husband and children, forgetting about yourself. Gradually, all family members got used to this and began to manipulate.
If you really value this relationship, then find a specialist to help you get out of a difficult situation. If your husband doesn’t want to go to a specialist, it means he likes to manipulate you and consider you guilty of everything. Do you like to be a victim, to live forgetting about yourself?
Leave such a man without regret, and take the child with you. You'll see, you'll soon breathe a sigh of relief.
Understand the reasons for cheating
There is always a choice, even in difficult circumstances. Of course, the marriage may have had its problems, but there were several options available to combat it. Often people cheat due to low self-esteem or other personal subjective shortcomings. They cheat because they feel that they are somehow behind others and hope that adding some spice to life will make them feel more confident.
Often this root cause is not realized by traitors and is denied. But cheating almost always has more to do with internal personality traits than with the spouse or the state of the relationship.
To get rid of the guilt of cheating, understand that you did not set out to harm him.
Advice for women
Unlike men, women always understand what they are guilty of, and in most cases they are aware of their guilt. They will not let the situation go, but will try to correct it: apologize, remove it, or make amends in all possible ways. Such techniques will allow a woman to calm her conscience.
A woman will definitely not live with guilt. But there is another problem - for many women it is not so easy to come up and apologize, because a sense of pride gets in the way. Again, how is it related to character, personality upbringing, the degree of his responsibility to other people, and so on.
Women and girls are more emotional than men. They can bear the feeling of guilt much harder. To relieve remorse, you must always cope with your emotions. According to psychologists, the best way to overcome feelings of guilt is to apologize to the offended person. This will help alleviate your mental suffering and make amends to those offended.
Guilt complex
Overcoming guilt means getting rid of the inner aggressor and caretaker who claims that you acted wrongly and incorrectly. The big feature of this emotion and complex is that a person who treats himself properly begins to put himself in last place, treats himself worse, gives negativity, and becomes a puppet in the hands of others. Thanks to the feeling of guilt, a person is easily manipulated and allowed to do something against his will. Feelings of guilt and shame arise in relationships with one’s other half, parents or children. In order not to torment yourself with remorse, many experts recommend conducting an audit of your own desires and being able to separate them from others, even close people.
Often these feelings may arise unreasonably. This happens when a mother goes to work after a long maternity leave and leaves the child with a stranger or sends him to kindergarten, or when there is excessive responsibility at work to the boss. In such cases, psychologists recommend finding the cause of fear and being able to determine its source. Usually, there is nothing terrible or unnatural in our actions. As soon as a person realizes this, the annoying sensation fades into the background.
Definition
This feeling is one of the most destructive for a person. He cannot live peacefully with this experience. Psychologists classify guilt as an emotion that can be deceptive. For example, a feeling of shame arises when a person survives an accident, and for this he feels guilty about something, although this feeling is absolutely causeless.
This is not an innate, but an acquired feeling. It arises under the influence of society, our environment and loved ones. For example, children may develop a feeling of guilt due to the fact that their parents appeal to them for education. Many people equate this feeling with conscience. But this is not true, because conscience helps to make the right decisions in a given situation, and does not cause a feeling of guilt.
Let me know how sorry you are
It is important to adequately express your regret so that you can move forward without leaving anything unsaid. Often people who have cheated feel so much shame and guilt that they turn inward and become silent when what they should do is take their loved one's hand, look them in the eyes and make a very sincere apology.
You need to make it clear that you understand how wrong and destructive your actions were and that you are going to spend the coming days, weeks, months and years to become a better wife.
Many people don't realize that their guilt and shame negatively impact their spouse as much as they negatively impact them. This misplaced feeling makes you hesitate and prevents you from giving all your love and support to your husband.
This is exactly what the spouse really wants right now.
Do something that matters
Instead of hating yourself, what can you do to help your spouse? For example:
- give you the opportunity to control your movements and contacts.
- become the kind of wife your spouse wants you to see.
- work tirelessly to restore trust in the relationship.
- Implement many things that will comfort your husband and demonstrate love.
If you cheated on your husband and don’t know how to get rid of the guilt, use all your energy to improve the relationship, and not to harm it.
The next time you feel hate and anger driving you, instead of doing something self-destructive, do something nice for your husband:
- Instead of getting lost in your thoughts, call your spouse and tell them how much you love them.
- When overwhelmed with difficult thoughts, make sure you do everything you can to eliminate doubts about your fidelity.
- When you are angry about your actions, make sure that your future actions are ones you can be proud of.
The best way to ensure that hatred subsides is to meet it with love.
