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- What kind of flattery is there?
- Subtle flattery
- Crude flattery
- Flattery in words
- Flattery in action
- Shades of flattery
- Place and time
- Playing on weaknesses
In the modern world, people willingly condemn flattery, obeying the voice of conscience and moral principles. A person sings the truth out loud only to lie 5 minutes later. Flattery is a lie, a sweet and welcome balm for the soul. She rules minds and hearts. Advertisers, politicians, businessmen flatter. Odes of praise are used even in destructive sects in the first stages of recruitment - isn’t this proof of the power of sugar-coated speeches? How and why do people flatter? Why do some people delight and others feel disgust? It's all about skill.
What kind of flattery is there?
Flattery is difficult to classify. The first thing that comes to mind is the quality of flattery: skillful, subtle and awkwardly frank.
Subtle flattery
This is the pinnacle of art. She buys love, enslaves hearts. A person submits to the will of a flatterer to the subtle romance of sweet speeches, skillfully performed for the delight of human self-love. It is almost impossible to notice such a lie. The subtle flatterer is a professional psychologist. He senses people and selects an individual key for each one.
Crude flattery
Crude flattery does not evoke pleasant emotions. It unpleasantly surprises, stuns and repels a person. Flattery is a tool of manipulators. It is painful to realize that a person gives a compliment, succumbing not to a sincere impulse, but to the desire to benefit.
The result depends on the skill of the flatterer and the carelessness of the victim: a feeling of satisfaction, annoyance, anger, laughter, shame, embarrassment. The wrong compliment will cause awkwardness and confuse the person. Obvious falsehood will lead to rejection, disappointment, and contempt.
Flattery buys smart and stupid, women and men, poor and rich. To please someone else's ego, people choose different methods :
Flattery in words
This is the most common technique. It's not just women who love ears. Men also fall for skillful compliments. Words must be used carefully. The main thing is attention to detail and unusual nuances. Platitudes make lies obvious. Having noticed an interesting detail or a characteristic manner of behavior, the flatterer has already shown attention and spent time. This fact alone makes a compliment meaningful and special, even if it lacks sincerity. For flattery to be successful, you need to start a conversation about your interlocutor. People love interest in themselves. They relax and forget themselves, trying to remember the greatest “And I...” of their lives and surrender to the mercy of the listener.
Flattery in action
Actions are worth more than words. Their value is immeasurably higher, but much more effort is spent. A subtle technique is listening. Listening does not mean remaining silent. This is an active process: nod in time, ask a question, give a hint. Actions show attitude towards a person. Ask for practical advice, present a nice gift, provide the necessary service - you need to know the person in order to guess the plan of events. Actions bind more effectively than words.
Flattering words and actions are insincere. A person tells a lie and does what he doesn’t want to do, looking contented and happy.
Flattering behavior is often observed in people at the level of automatic actions. Trying on social roles, a modern person subconsciously knows who needs to say what and to whom in order to get what he wants.
§1. Flattery is “obsequious praise, hypocritical admiration for someone or something, inspired by selfish motives” (1: 50. See “Flattery”). A striking example of flattery and its essence can be the famous fable by I. A. Krylov “The Crow and the Fox,” which, in particular, says: “How many times have they told the world that flattery is vile and harmful; but everything is not for the future, and a flatterer will always find a corner in the heart.” Note that flattery is also associated with SERVICE - an attempt “to earn someone’s favor through services, flattery (usually for selfish purposes)…” (2. See “Serve”). As they say in the comedy “Woe from Wit” by A.S. Griboyedov: “I would be glad to serve, but it’s sickening to be served” (words by A.A. Chatsky. See part 3, act 2, phenomenon 2).
At the same time, FLATTERY, one of the most common types of partiality, is a triple sin: ● the first sin of the flatterer lies in his own guile and/or lies, the inventor of which is the devil; ● the second sin of a flatterer lies in his intention (as well as in action), pretending to be a well-wisher and with personal benefit for himself, to lead into temptation (temptation), or push to sin, the one to whom flattery is intended; ● the third sin refers to a person who, having believed the deceit and lies of a flatterer, accepted flattery as truth and fell into temptation. Thus, a very common and seemingly “harmless” phenomenon - FLATTERY, is an insidious and serious sin that destroys both the flatterer himself and the one who falls into temptation from it. After all, “flattering lips prepare ruin” (Prov. 26:28). And since flattery is mainly intended for those in power (i.e., bosses), the results of this type of flattery are also social in nature, since they affect, to one degree or another, certain groups of people. Moreover, the flatterer, regardless of the type of his flattery, is a disciple of the devil and a follower of his actions, and “he who reproaches a person will find greater favor than he who flatters with his tongue” (Proverbs 28:23).
§2. In addition, flattery is always associated with self-interest. After all, as is obvious, with flattery you can often achieve certain and considerable benefits for yourself: honor, fame, power, position, money, etc. Therefore, “he was famous whose neck was more often bent... And for those who are higher, flattery, they wove like lace” (words by A. A. Chatsky from the comedy “Woe from Wit” by A. S. Griboyedov. See part 3, act 2, phenomenon 1).
By flattery, as it is said in the Holy Scriptures, one can take possession of a kingdom and attract the wicked to oneself: “And the despised will rise in his place, and they will not give him royal honors, but he will come without noise and with flattery will take possession of the kingdom... Those who act wickedly against the covenant will attract to himself with flattery...” (Dan. 11: 21, 32). And it was not without reason that the Apostle Paul said: “For we have never had before you any words of flattery (flattery - P.D.), as you know, nor any form of self-interest: God is my witness! We do not seek human glory, either from you or from others” (1 Thessalonians 2:5).
The Lord, through the prophets, instructs: “These are the things that you must do: speak the truth to one another; judge in truth and peaceably at your gates” (Zech. 8:16); “For I, the Lord, love justice, I hate robbery with violence, and I will reward them with truth, and I will establish an everlasting covenant with them” (Is. 61: 8). And the Old Testament Elihu, giving his opinion when considering the cause of the suffering of the blameless Job, says from the “sincerity of his heart”: “I will not look at a person’s face and I will not flatter any person, because I do not know how to flatter: kill me now, my Creator.” (Job 32:21, 22). And the holy Apostle Peter “opened his mouth and said, “Truly I perceive that God is no respecter of persons, but in every nation whoever fears Him and does what is right is acceptable to Him” (Acts 10:34, 35). And the holy Apostle Paul calls us to “put off our former way of life, the old man, which is corrupted by its deceitful lusts... and put on the new man, created according to God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore, putting away lying, speak the truth, every one of you, to your neighbor, for we are members of one another” (Eph. 4:22-25). For “blessed are those who keep judgment and do righteousness at all times!” (Ps. 105: 3) and “blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness...” (Matt. 5: 5).
§3. Previously, we had a generally accepted unholy “prayer”: “GLORY to the CPSU”, which was hung in the form of posters throughout the country. Therefore, in order to advance along the party line in order to obtain power, material privileges and benefits, it was necessary to flatteringly pretend to worship this pseudo-god - the CPSU, and personally admire the “dear General Secretary”. However, then this pseudo-god was removed and prohibited for use at the legislative level. And those who previously criticized this pseudo-god and his actions - being subjected to persecution, persecution, false reproaches, and who were called renegades, provocateurs, outcasts, unpatriots, etc. - began to be called fighters for freedom and justice, human rights activists, true patriots, heroes . The names of some of them were even assigned to various territories, both in Russia and abroad. So, for example, the name A.D. Sakharov is worn on about 60 avenues, squares and streets in Russia alone. Foreign squares, avenues, a school, a bridge, boulevards, and streets are also named after him. And what was named after his main persecutors and the stray flatterers of these persecutors, who did not care who to persecute, who to serve - as long as they received nourishing and tasty food for it?!
§4. In general, flattery (sycophancy, servility, servility, sycophancy) is widespread in various spheres of human activity. But sometimes it takes such exaggerated forms that it not only does not benefit the object of sycophancy, but, on the contrary, can even harm his image! This is a so-called disservice! And here the amount of praise may turn out to be completely disproportionate to the expected amount of material benefits! But what won’t a flatterer do to try to EASILY INCREASE THE DEGREE OF OWN MATERIAL WELL-BEING IN EXCHANGE FOR DECREASING OWN SPIRITUAL DIGNITY! Therefore, the degree of flattery is proportional to the degree of spiritual ignorance, or spiritual fall, or spiritual degradation!
Note that flattery helps to increase the self-esteem of the people for whom it is intended. And this, in turn, leads to their sins of vanity, pride, love of fame, love of money, and their commission of actions caused by these sins. That is why flatterers are responsible for all unrighteous deeds done under the influence of their flattery. In general, “low courtiers, ready to justify everything for the sake of the master’s smile, at all times represent the main culprits of their crimes” (3: 173).
THUS, THE FLATTERER NOT ONLY SINS HIMSELF, BUT PROVOCATES OTHER PEOPLE TO SINNING. _____________________________________________
1. Explanatory dictionary of the Russian language. // edited by prof. D. N. Ushakova: in 4 vols. - T. 2. M.: State. published foreign and national dictionaries, 1938. 2. Encyclopedic Dictionary. [Electronic resource]. — Access mode: dic.academic.ru/dic.nsf/es/134304, free. — Cap. from the screen. 3. Solon, Pericles, Alexander the Great. // ed. Verevkina I. Yu. - Kyiv: MP "Muse", 1992. - (One Hundred Great People of the World).
Who are we flattering?
Flattery can be conscious or unconscious. Without suspecting it, a person says pleasant things to others in order to avoid troubles, make up for awkwardness, and be liked. The right words seem to be born in your head. Real manipulators have the gift of sweet words. Girls say nice things to get benefits more often than men. But representatives of the stronger sex have achieved high results by practicing the art of flattery in business negotiations, at meetings and even public speaking. They also train on women, honing their persuasive skills. Flattery is a social tool, an oil that softens friction. Who do people cajole most often?
Superiors and authority figures
Saying a nice word to your boss, doing a small favor to the landlady renting out an apartment, praising the hairstyle of the head of the credit department is a small but profitable investment of effort. Inside the human consciousness lives a mercantile reptile, whose job is to grovel and wait for the right moment to act. Consciously or unconsciously, the liar understands that the favor is exchanged for favorable treatment or reciprocal favor. The higher the person, the greater the return.
Opposite sex
Remember the skilled seducers, how subtle and graceful they made compliments in order to win the heart of a lady for one night. Flattery is not only a way to get rich or improve your position in society. A correctly chosen tactic disarms the victim, makes it soft and pliable - mold what you want. Experienced seducers use this. The apogee for them is dependence: the woman is no longer needed, and the night with her is of no use. The seducer hunts for an intoxicating experience in which he is the ruler of the female heart and the master of the situation.
Ladies are also guilty of this hobby. When a woman is attracted to a man's wallet or status, she turns into a master of sugary speeches. The main thing is that the male Ego does not develop diabetes ahead of time. The skill of pick-up artists is built on flattering techniques.
Wise women resort to compliments to keep their man in good shape. In a relationship without spices that hide the blandness of feelings, you won’t go far.
How to respond to flattery?
Flattery is a method of manipulation. When you recognize that you are being flattered, you need to decide how to behave, because flattery is not very pleasant when it is revealed. There are two ways to respond to flattery. If you ignore the flatterer, letting him know that his attempt at manipulation has been discovered. The only thing you can get out of this is that he will become more closed and, next time, will approach things more gracefully, and then his flattery will be much more difficult to recognize. It is much better not to reveal all your cards at once, but to play along with him.
Position in society
It’s wonderful when a person tells the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, doesn’t come up with excuses and doesn’t invent reasons for praise. But not everyone is given such happiness. Flattery is an integral part of relationships in companies and organizations with a clear hierarchical structure. To “cajole” your boss, you don’t have to give compliments, it’s enough to make concessions to make it pleasant.
How often do people do kind things not because they want to help, but simply because it is profitable? An unlucky student, walking along the corridor, unceremoniously pushes aside fellow students on his way, and then carefully holds the door for the history teacher. Isn't this an indicator of flattering behavior? Today he will hold the door, tomorrow he will smile and carry the folders to the study unit, and the day after tomorrow he will receive a test without making any effort to memorize.
Unreasonable hatred
If you are trying to improve your relationship with a person who hates you for no reason, give up your futile attempts.
Cross him out of your life, because you will not be able to eradicate the negativity that envy of you has planted in his heart.
You will want to tell your envious person everything you think about him directly to his face, however, remember that the most worthy way out of the situation will be calm, balanced behavior and your positive attitude.
Team Growth Phase, Growth Phase
Manipulation
Manipulators use flattery as a tool to control human consciousness. Mistakes in this matter are unacceptable, otherwise the victim will guess about the deception and disrupt plans. Manipulators use a convenient multi-pass:
- subtle flattery to gain the attention and sympathy of the victim,
- an expectant pause to dispel suspicion,
- request.
It is difficult to slip off the manipulator's hook after a voiced proposal. If pre-calculated conditions coincide, a person will experience awkwardness at the mere thought of refusal. Today colleagues praise your achievements at work, and tomorrow they bring you a task that no one is eager to complete. And how can a newly minted professional refuse unexpected work, after laudatory speeches and proud confessions?
What is flattery and why do people love it so much?
People are susceptible to flattery because everyone wants to be thought well of. Every person wants to be praised for the qualities that make him stand out from the rest. It makes people confident, calms and relaxes.
What is flattery and how is it used? To seduce someone, you need to tell him what he thinks about himself, or wants to think. This works because everyone wants to be significant, because a significant person is in demand by other people, and can count on their help and acceptance in society. The most important task for a person is to survive, and you can survive only by being in demand in society. A person who is flattered feels like a necessary and important member of society.
Human society is designed in such a way that people are more likely to ignore or scold each other. But in order to feel that you belong to society, it is necessary, at least sometimes, to receive praise. At the same time, if you praise and admire someone every day, then sooner or later he will get used to it and begin to take it for granted. In this case, flattery is not something that will have a strong effect, but the need for flattery will still remain.
The skill of a flatterer
How do real pros flatter, and what makes their flattery convincing? Knowledge and understanding of human nature. Drawing up a psychological portrait is not enough for a quality strategy.
Shades of flattery
For each person, a flatterer will find its own shade, depending on self-esteem, position in society, and anxiety. The general director will receive a particularly elegant compliment with a noticeable amount of adulation, the deputy director will receive a different tone, and the head of the department will receive an insignificant compliment for the company.
Getting to know the bride's family, the flatterer skillfully distributes attention between dad, mom and second cousin from the unknown wilderness. All for the sake of credibility.
Place and time
Flattery is good if it fits the situation. Inappropriate but pleasant speech arouses suspicion. They don't fit into the picture of the usual.
The flatterer's task is to bypass human critical thinking. Once a comment falls into the category of inappropriate, it is carefully analyzed. In 90% of cases it is not in favor of the flatterer.
The interval between flattering reviews is also important. The more often they sound, the more unconvincing they become
Playing on weaknesses
Weaknesses are passions, complexes, tyranny. It is more difficult to flatter a beautiful woman than to flatter an ugly woman. You need to use ingenuity to make the compliment unusual, but not forced. Women's weakness is the desire to be beautiful, loved, desired. Men care about sexuality, the feeling of their strength and dignity. The weakness of a motorist is his iron horse, while those who love jewelry are new earrings.
A puny man will be flattered if a lady pretends to be small and weak, leaving him to do a mere trifle, and praises his masculinity and strength. A woman who does not attract the attention of the stronger sex will surrender to an experienced tempter without a fight after a couple of skillful compliments. People are defenseless against their weaknesses.
The shades of flattery cannot be counted. How do people flatter? Yes, everything is different. Some skillfully, others crookedly and banally. But the goal is the same for everyone: to make your life better.
