How to stop being shy about everyone and everything: 10 effective methods

Definition of the concept

The concept of modesty is identified with calmness and restraint; such people do not strive for a luxurious life and do not make demands on it. Modest people know well the limits of what is permitted and never cross them. Such a person can be recognized even by his appearance: he will be dressed simply and discreetly.

This quality is not so bad, but not when a person develops excessive modesty.

Then he may often be in a state of awkwardness from the events taking place. It is expressed in excessive concern about the opinions of others: he can even put the thoughts of others more important than his own.

People around can take advantage of this feature and create discomfort for the modest fellow. For the same reasons, modesty can become an obstacle to achieving your goals. Such people rarely strive for leadership and always let others go ahead of them. Being in the spotlight is unacceptable for them; they strive to remain in the shadow of less talented, but more assertive individuals.

Modesty can create ongoing stress and missed opportunities for a person. When this quality interferes with life, you need to fight it.

If modesty provokes stressful conditions, it is necessary to fight it

Pros of modesty

Modesty is inherent mainly in the female sex. At all times, this character trait has been a companion to femininity. She gave the girls meekness, helpfulness and pliability. It was believed that modest girls never swear or be rude, they will always fulfill any requests and support in difficult times. To stop being modest meant to lose the femininity of your nature.

Nowadays, it is not uncommon for a woman to play someone else’s role in society because of this trait; she skillfully hides her personal position and no one knows what her thoughts are about. In the eyes of others, modest people, regardless of gender, look more dignified.

Disadvantages of modesty

Modest people rarely reach any heights and remain unknown to anyone, so modesty sometimes gets in the way.

1. Modest women attract men only at first in a relationship, then this trait can become boring and interfere with their personal life.
2. Colleagues can take advantage of the reliability of modest people; they are almost always ready to help, sometimes even to their own detriment.
3. It is quite difficult for modest people to achieve anything at work; asking for a promotion or an increase in the salary of their boss is unacceptable for them.

Think less - do more

A modest person and a lazy person are somewhat similar. They both think a lot and do little. One out of laziness, the other out of fear. Stop judging your success. You will never achieve anything if you don't try. Don't know how to stop being modest? Throw somewhere an assessment of your own actions. Do what you want and don’t think about the consequences, within reason, of course. If you want to come up and talk to a nice person, come up. What do you have to lose? The maximum that will happen is that the person will ruin their opinion of you. But do you care what a person thinks of you? If you don't approach her, she won't think about you. Even if you embarrass yourself, you will gain communication experience and take it into account the next time you talk to a nice person. Constantly stressing yourself out, you will stay at home, not daring to go beyond it. The dreams of a happy life that you create on the couch will not come true if you don't put any effort into making them come true.

Reasons for modesty

Modesty is a quality that is formed in childhood. Its development or attenuation is influenced by many reasons and factors, which are based on relationships in the family, school and in society.

Reasons for developing excessive modesty:

• constant reproaches from parents, criticism of their child, comparison with others;
• being too demanding of oneself;
• ridiculing or discussing the child’s shortcomings in public;
• suppression of initiative.

These reasons especially influence the development of personality in childhood and lead to the development of fear of making a mistake, being misunderstood or rejected, and a feeling of self-doubt is formed. In adulthood, excessive modesty can become a problem.

The feeling of self-doubt is formed in childhood, when parents criticize the child

Look at your reflection in the mirror and mentally describe all your strengths

In the fight against shyness, you need to start with yourself. Many shy people are embarrassed to do something in front of a mirror, even if there is no one else in the house. Therefore, to get rid of the problem, you need to do one exercise. Look at yourself carefully in the mirror and describe yourself. Your appearance, demeanor, habits. But you need to describe only from the good side. Shy people often suffer from low self-esteem, and this exercise will help improve it. You need to make sure that you have a lot of positive qualities, and because you are shy, many people don't notice this.

Methods to get rid of modesty

Despite the fact that modesty begins in childhood, in adulthood you can get rid of this character trait. In some difficult cases, you need to turn to a qualified specialist for help, but first you can try to change yourself. You will have to rebuild yourself, change your habits and start looking at life from a different angle.

You should pay attention to the conditions under which this quality manifests itself and devote maximum time and analysis to this moment. We will have to overcome internal barriers.

Advice from professionals will help you overcome modesty.

1. After analyzing a certain situation, it is worth considering the positions of the people around you. To understand whether the motives of each person’s words and actions towards you are correctly interpreted, you need to stand in his place and look at the situation through his eyes.
2. You need to drive away thoughts that diminish your personal significance. They can be imposed by ill-wishers.
3. Don't be dramatic. Not every event is as important as it may seem at first. Not every comment from every person should be taken into account.
4. Working on your own confidence will help you overcome modesty. The easiest way to develop it is by doing something new. Confronting fears will help improve this skill.
5. Stepping out of your comfort zone will help you overcome modesty. There is no need to withdraw into yourself after the first unsuccessful attempt to start something new; the main thing is to set a goal and go towards it.
6. Stop underestimating yourself and your capabilities, and direct your energy to developing your talent.
7. Stop thoughts like: “What will people think?” Focus on your needs. Healthy selfishness has never harmed anyone.
8. There should be more communication in life with people to whom you can express your opinion. At first, shyness will make itself felt, but over time, expressing your thoughts will become easier.
9. There is no need to strive to do everything perfectly. The fear of doing something wrong gives rise to the development of shyness. Don’t try to jump over your head, but don’t lower your own bar either.
10. Don't forget about your appearance. You can stop being modest for others by changing your image. Neatness in clothing is not only perceived positively by others, but also adds self-confidence to the wearer. Correct posture can say much more about a person than his words. It creates the first impression of a person and shapes the attitude towards him.

It’s worth practicing your speech: removing filler words and monitoring the timbre of your voice and the pace of your speech. You can practice making speeches in front of a mirror. At a crucial moment, you cannot think about the fact that something may not work out because thoughts are material.

Modest people are advised to develop public speaking skills

Everyone has failures in life, but dwelling on them is not the answer. In any unpleasant situation, you need to look for positive moments and learn from it some experience. Perhaps everything turned out better than it could have been, it’s just that the realization of this has not yet come. You need to develop positive thinking and focus on successful moments.

Alternative Methods

Much depends on the personal perception of others. If you treat others with understanding and do not prematurely draw conclusions about their attitude towards you, then perhaps the uncertainty will go away on its own.

A more active life position will help remove modesty. You need to find something you enjoy and that will motivate you to change. When involved in creativity, a person almost always wants to share its results with someone.

Public speaking in front of a large audience is good for developing courage in a person, but you should start with small speeches in front of friends.

Learning to say “no” when it is necessary is an effective means of combating excessive shyness.

It’s a good idea to read relevant literature that will help you understand yourself. Often excessive timidity is caused by complexes and other psychological disorders.

How is character quality expressed?

Modesty is a personality trait that is expressed in a person’s ability to behave calmly, confidently and restrainedly within the framework of established rules of social behavior. It is expressed in character and lifestyle.

This phenomenon should not be confused with shyness. Modesty is an acquired ability, the result of education, self-development, diligent analytical and volitional work on oneself.

Shyness manifests itself in the form of shyness, timidity and indecisiveness. This trait is formed as a result of the characteristics of a person’s psychological and emotional state.

Signs of modesty:

• moderation in all demands;
• indifference to excesses and luxury;
• lack of desire for dominance - lust for power, primacy, self-demonstration;
• simplicity, reluctance to attract attention;
• compliance with the limits of decency accepted in society;
• decency and sedateness in communicating with other people;
• humility and obedience;
• the choice of strict, inexpensive, dull, unpretentious clothing that hides nudity and body shape.

The sense of modesty is based on respect for personal human space. The behavior of a person with this trait is based on the absence of the desire to impose oneself on others or to violate the personal space of other people.

With a normal and adequate assessment, modesty is not identified with weakness, shyness and indecisiveness. In the substitution of concepts, a negative attitude towards modesty arises. People do not understand the meaning of this phenomenon.

Be yourself

The most important thing that you should never forget, even if you really want to get rid of shyness and tightness: always remain yourself. Under any circumstances.

No one can play the role of someone else for too long. You cannot constantly copy someone else's behavior; in any case, your character traits will manifest themselves. Pretending to be someone else or the “best version of yourself” can be quite tiring, so don’t go to extra trouble for something that won’t bring much benefit.

Of course, you can adopt the habits of other people, observe their behavior and manner of speech, but you should leave room for your own thoughts and habits.

Exercise

Skills need to be honed, and habits that interfere with life need to be systematically eradicated. All this applies to both sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.

• Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in your brain that is launched in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go backwards and do the opposite of what you are used to. Do you want to hide in a corner at a party? Get into the thick of things. Have you caught yourself thinking that you are taking a defensive position in a conversation? Try asking your interlocutor a few questions.
• Talk to strangers. Try talking to one stranger (preferably a random passer-by) at least once a day. You'll likely never see him again, so feel free to sharpen your communication skills on him.
• In general, communicate more. Try to take every opportunity to connect with people. Tell jokes, agree to speak, say hello to people you often meet but never greet.
• Warm up before an important conversation. Want to talk to a specific person at a party, but are afraid to approach him? Practice on people present who cause less embarrassment. If we are talking about getting to know each other, try to tell them everything that you plan to say in front of the desired person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
• And always be prepared for public speaking. But don't limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future success with your audience. This will give you confidence.

Express yourself fully, don't be afraid to be yourself

When there is an understanding that what hinders you and limits you does not exist, then all that remains is to simply overcome all these little things .

• Express yourself fully and do not hold back any words or emotions.
• If you want to laugh, laugh.
• If you want to dance, dance. If you want to leave, leave.
• Don't filter the words, let them flow.
• Don't be afraid to be louder with your words, express yourself fully, and be a visible person.

All this will give you a good feeling and help you overcome shyness.

The more you do this, the more your self-expression and your own presentation in communication becomes stronger.

All you will lose if you become free is your own lack of freedom .

There are no mistakes: no matter what happens, everything leads you to success

Don't be afraid to make mistakes, because there are none.

You can't make a mistake. Change your perception!

It is illusory to think that a mistake is when they point fingers at you or discuss you. It's not a mistake.

The real mistake is when you are afraid to be yourself and don’t allow yourself to say what you want because you attach importance to other people’s opinions. This is a lie .

Do bold, spontaneous things

A good way to get rid of shyness and self-consciousness is to constantly leave your comfort zone and do daring and thoughtless things. Within reason, of course.

Jumping with a parachute or going to another city without planning it in advance are the most suitable options if you usually sit at home and spend your evenings at the computer. Any change of scenery is already an impetus for something new, a reason for reflection and valuable experience. Perhaps during one of these outings you will meet a person who will completely change your view of the world and your life in general.

Books to help you get rid of shyness

At the end of this article, we would like to recommend books that will help you get rid of self-doubt and shyness. In combination with the above methods, they guarantee you the desired result.

1. “How to Overcome Shyness” by Philip Zimbardo
2. “How to talk to anyone. Communicate confidently in any situation" Mark Rhodes
3. “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
4. “How to talk to assholes. What to do with inadequate and unbearable people in your life" Mark Goulston
5. “I always know what to say. How to develop self-confidence and become a master communicator" Jean-Marie Boisvert, Madeleine Bozry
6. “Goodbye shyness. A Practical Guide to Overcoming Shyness and Building Confidence" by Leil Lowndes
7. "Self confidence. Simple practices for gaining inner strength and grit" Yvonne Rubin
8. “I can hear right through you. Effective Negotiation Techniques" Mark Goulston

We hope these tips will help you control yourself in any situation and forget about the fears that prevent you from communicating with people. Good luck!

Important awareness: how not to depend on other people's opinions

This is the key! This is the most important insight where people fail.

Don't be fueled by good reactions! Absolutely! DO NOT let the praise get to you! Don’t let anything external dictate and paint your personality, even if it’s good words of praise about you. You should not receive anything from the outside to confirm your confidence! Simply put: you don’t need people to validate your worth!

This is where dependence on other people's bad reactions to you comes from.

dependence on other people's opinions comes from

Reaction to praise, someone else's approval = Reaction to someone else's curse, condemnation, disapproval

Remember the following realizations and beliefs:

1. Whether you received a good reaction from other people to you or a bad one – it has nothing to do with you!
2. You are always self-sufficient, fulfilled and good without external stimulation.
3. Approve yourself and don't need other people's approval.

Remember and learn! And no one can touch you anymore!

Bonus tips and expert help

While some experts insist on the advisability of refusing to say “no,” others recommend saying “yes” as often as possible. And both groups of scientists are right. About this and other very accessible and effective methods of combating excessive modesty:

• "Yes". In the case of shy people, refusal is usually explained by an unreasonable fear of failure and the unknown. You need to learn to accept the opportunities that life offers.
• Anxiety management. Thematic literature or, for example, deep breathing techniques help to cope with this problem.
• Novelty. Every day of a fighter for emancipation should consist of new things.
• Visualization. If you imagine how a person acts in a certain situation in every detail, you can feel strength and self-confidence.

In some cases, shyness becomes painful, and a person (every tenth person on the planet) needs qualified help. If shyness begins to cross all boundaries, you need to choose one of the options for getting help:

• Psychologists.
• Group trainings.
• Coaches.
• Thematic positive films about successfully overcoming embarrassment and various achievements.
• Special books with practical advice.

Shyness is a fairly common phenomenon among people of all ages and nationalities. Shyness has a number of reasons (genetics, upbringing, low self-esteem, complexes, fears), as well as disadvantages and even advantages. But there are still more disadvantages, so many are trying to deal with the problem. For this, there is a lot of advice from psychologists, trainings, thematic literature and films. The main thing to remember is that it may take more than one month to free yourself from shyness. But if you act step by step, everything will definitely work out.

How to Stop Being Shy (Overcome Shyness in 60 Seconds)

You're being bothered by something that doesn't exist, or by yourself

All the limitations that your mind creates - they don’t exist !

Abuse, negativity, disapproval, evil and other rubbish. Everything that prevents you from translating your ideas into reality, focusing on action and becoming relaxed in communication - all this does not exist .

Get out of the herd mentality.

It turns out that what prevents you from stopping being shy and modest is either yourself or something that does not exist.

Don't believe in something that doesn't exist. Believe in yourself.

There are no restrictions.