Family foundation
Since solving family problems is the field of study of family psychology, let's turn to experts in this field and find out what they think about why families are destroyed and how to avoid it. So, the scientific minds of our planet (by the way, you should listen to their opinion, it’s not for nothing that scientists spend their whole lives finding solutions to human problems) believe that family life should be compared to a home. And what serves as the basis of the house? Of course, the foundation! If the foundation has cracked, the rest of the structure will not last long.
- If family life is a huge house, then the foundation of this house is family values. All family life is built on family values; they, in principle, unite two strangers into one whole - a family. Moreover, the stronger the foundation, the more floors can be built.
And now about the sad thing - as soon as family values cease to govern family life, it begins to burst at the seams. In other words, spouses begin to quarrel and argue when family values lose their meaning. Consequently, according to psychologists, every person can live a happy family life and enjoy every new day with their soulmate if they always value those things that form the foundation of a relationship. So, we present to you those family values that form the foundation of your family - keep them and multiply them.
Studying the values of family life in modern psychology
Currently, our society is on the path of active development , significant transformations are taking place in all its spheres, which is reflected in the moral and psychological image of its citizens. The transformation of the rules and norms of social interaction, value orientations in modern society affects the characteristics of the modern family, changes in educational elements. Meanwhile, satisfaction with marriage and life in general depends on the functioning conditions of the family and the fulfillment of the needs of its members.
A review of the literature on the study of family life showed insufficient research into this area of human life . In our country, psychological research into family relationships is at the stage of development. The following experimental studies of the family subsystems “ husband - wife ”, “ parent - child ”, “ siblings ” can be noted, which are reflected in the works of Kazakh psychologists Z.Sh. Karakulova, Z.M. Balgimbayeva, A.D. Davletova, K.A. Aidarbekova, M.P. Kabakova, A.B. Valieva, S.K. Kudaibergenova [1; 16]. Most often, studies study relationships in monogamous marriages and do not take into account European or Asian models of marriage, which are very different from each other. At the same time, the nature of marital relations and the model of marriage are determined not only by the socio-historical situation of a particular society, but also by the personal characteristics of the spouses themselves, in particular, their value system and worldview. This is significantly influenced by the norms and values of the parental family [2; 23, 3; 86], as well as the value system and worldview of the individual himself.
The concept of “ value ” is used to designate objects, phenomena, their properties, as well as abstract ideas that embody social ideals and act, thanks to this, as a standard of what should be. The concept of “ value ” is widely used in modern social sciences ( philosophy , sociology , psychology ), where it is usually interpreted as a subjective reflection in the mind of an individual of some specific properties of objects and phenomena of the surrounding reality ( O.G. Drobnitsky, V.P. Tugarinov [4; 17]. The attribution of one or another object of the surrounding reality to a value is expressed in its ability to satisfy the needs, interests and people ( V.P. Tugarinov interested primarily as a factor that plays a certain role in the regulation of social interactions. Values act as a desirable , the state of connections, the content of ideas, preferable for a given individual in a social community, society, i.e. a social subject; a criterion for assessing real phenomena; they determine the meaning of purposeful activity; regulate social interactions; internally encourage activity.
There are economic and moral, political and aesthetic - values exist as an integral system . Each value system has, as it were, one basis. Such a foundation is moral values, which present desirable, preferable options for relationships between people, their connections with each other, with society in such a form as good, good and evil, duty and responsibility, honor and happiness.
Significant differences can characterize the value systems of social strata, classes, groups of society, and there are differences between generations. But possible conflicts of values, ideals, and then social conflicts between social groups of people can and should be regulated on the basis of universal human values that recognize the unconditional value of the world for people, human life, as well as public (national, national) values and freedoms.
In contrast to the global philosophical approach to the problem of values, a characteristic feature of the psychological aspect of their study is the differentiation of objects according to their value meaning within the same type, group, class of values and the associated specification of their hierarchization [4; 17, 5; 32].
The specificity of awareness of objects of social reality as values presupposes the presence of special psychological mechanisms and their assimilation. Thus, as a subject of psychological research in this case, such a type of psychological activity as the evaluative activity of the individual comes to the fore, which is aimed not only at the perception and assimilation of the objectively meaningful side of the object, but also at assessing its properties from the point of view of their necessity, usefulness, trouble and so on. to meet the needs and interests of individuals, to realize the goals of its activities. As a result, the individual becomes aware of the values of objects of social reality and thereby forms a special type of attitude towards him - a value attitude (V.N. Myasishev, V.P. Tugarinov) [5; 32].
Awareness of values presupposes that an individual has a certain way of orientation in any class, type, group of values, which is an internal psychological mechanism that forms certain preferences of the individual, by the nature and direction of which one can determine the characteristics of his value orientations.
Value is the only measure of comparison of motives (S.L. Rubinstein) [6; 32]. In addition, value orientations are the most important component of subjective formative activity and the subject himself in it. Only in the course of the author’s, subjective, hard-won choice of the individual himself does any social value become individual. Behind this sometimes difficult choice is a person’s emotional attitude towards reality and himself. He seeks meaning in life, which is " a sense of the value of something to the Self ."
In the structure of a person’s value orientations, three integrative components are usually distinguished: cognitive, emotional and behavioral . Each of them participates in the formation of the characteristics of value orientations and at the same time can have independent meanings both in content and in the degree of manifestation, which makes their empirical verification very difficult. This is probably why studies of value orientations often ignore the features of their psychological content and structure.
In addition, social phenomena reflected in the consciousness of the individual, on the basis of which the value orientations of the individual are formed, are extremely complex and diverse in content, and our perception is selective and strives to capture, first of all, the most characteristic and essentially valuable to us properties of the reflected object. Therefore, it is advisable to study the psychological characteristics of the formation of value orientations from the position of a systemic value approach, which allows us to consider the data of psychological education as a result of a person’s mastery of the phenomena of the surrounding reality from the point of view of their value.
One of the forms of existence of values is personal values, which, refracted through the prism of individual life activity, enter the psychological structure of the individual and are one of the sources of motivation for his behavior. Each person has an individual specific hierarchy of personal values, which serve as a link between the spiritual culture of society and the spiritual world of the individual, between social and individual existence. As a rule, personal values are characterized by high awareness; they are reflected in consciousness in the form of value orientations and serve as an important factor in the social regulation of relationships between people and individual behavior ( S.L. Rubinstein [6; 354]) . Value orientations are interpreted as an individual’s attitude towards certain values of the material and spiritual culture of society. In this understanding, value orientations are closer to the concept of “social attitude,” which is interpreted as a person’s predisposition to act in a certain way, covering the entire sphere of his life, right down to the most complex social objects and situations [1]. Value orientations are a complex socio-psychological phenomenon that characterizes the direction and content of an individual’s activity, which is an integral part of a person’s system of relationships, which determines a person’s general approach to the world, to himself, giving meaning and direction to personal positions, behavior, and actions. The system of value orientations has a multi-level structure. Its peak is the values associated with the ideals and life goals of the individual [1].
Value orientations are elements of the personality structure that characterize the content side of its orientation. In the form of value orientations, as a result of acquiring values, the essential, most important for a person is recorded. The sphere where the social turns into the personal and the personal becomes social, where individual value and worldview differences are exchanged, is communication.
Value is one of the main mechanisms of interaction between the individual and society, the individual and culture. Values are people’s generalized ideas about the goals and norms of their behavior, embodying historical experience and concentratedly expressing the meaning of the culture of an era, a certain society as a whole, and all humanity. These are guidelines existing in the consciousness of every person with which individuals and social groups correlate their actions. Value orientations are a concept that expresses the positive or negative significance for an individual of objects or phenomena of social reality.
In science, there are three different concepts regarding the essence of values. The first of them is functional , which considers this category as the ability of objects and phenomena of the surrounding world to serve the needs of people and in its essence is close to the concept of “ good ”. The second concept is evaluative , where values are presented as an ideal, aspirations, the attitude of a subject to an object and is the result of a conscious evaluative choice of vital items and objects. Therefore, value orientations are not so much an individual psychological phenomenon as a social one. Many scientists highlight its social nature [5; 32, 6; 348]. This is the basis for the socio-psychological phenomenon of value orientations. The basis for assigning a certain object is to satisfy the needs and interests of a person. Such an assessment is a complex mental process arising from the very nature of values.
Each social system establishes its own system of social values . After the initial socialization of the individual, they remain quite stable. Value orientations, forming the attitude of the subject of activity, predetermine the direction of the individual’s social behavior. They perform an integrative role in society, forming the most stable skeleton of the social system.
Based on the above, we can formulate the basic methodological principles of the psychological study of value orientations: firstly, consideration through the prism of a systemic value approach as a result of an individual’s life in society; secondly, the idea of the formation and functioning of a person’s value orientations as a process based on a special type of mental activity - evaluative activity aimed at establishing the value significance of these phenomena [4; 18].
In the context of relationships, N.N. Obozov points out that interpersonal relationships are determined, among other things, through the value system of individuals. The coincidence of the most important value orientations of individuals as members of a group ensures its unity, cohesion, and integrity. The value-oriented unity of a group is characterized by the degree of coincidence of the positions and assessments of its members in relation to the goals of activity and values that are most significant for the group as a whole [7; 99]. If we transfer this to the family as a small social group, then similarity or value-orientation unity contributes to the stabilization of marital relations (experimental studies by M. P. Kabakova ) and increased marital satisfaction [8; 26]. In the context of marital relations, value-semantic unity is of great importance in the integration of the family as a single entity and has a significant impact on the nature of marital relations and their stability. Research by M.P. Kabakova showed that the common fund of semantic formations of spouses contributes to the stabilization of marital relations.
The process of formation and development of joint life activities is carried out in the course of connecting the goals, meanings and motives of the individual life activities of family members, represented in the “common fund of semantic formations”. Family values are specified in the concept of family functions, in the psychology of family relations - this is the sphere of family life directly related to meeting the needs of its members [8; 26].
The gradual revaluation of values in the process of life is a natural result of the dialectics of a person’s life, changes in the restructuring of his relationships with the world and other people. As a result of changes in internal conditions, certain personal values come into effect and are updated [3; 86]. Therefore, the problem of studying family values is relevant, which is due to insufficient knowledge of personal values in the conditions of the active development of our society, as well as insufficient knowledge of the dynamics of family values in the life cycle of a modern family.
The main purpose of the family , as indicated by almost all authors, sociologists and psychologists dealing with problems of family and marriage, is to satisfy social, group and individual needs. Without considering in detail the various approaches to determining the main integrating factor of the family [9; 2], it can be noted that various aspects of family life are designated by the concept of family functions, which are based on family values. Each spouse has his own idea of the goals of the marriage, the distribution of roles in the family, and the significance of this or that area for the overall satisfaction of the marital relationship. In the psychology of family relations, the sphere of family activity directly related to meeting the needs of its members is called the family function [10; 4], there are as many of them as there are types of needs in a stable, repeating form it satisfies.
The functions of the family determine the values of family life. Depending on the stage of development of the family cycle, the spouses experience a dynamic of family values, which contributes to the transition of family relationships to another level of existence. Those functions that make it possible to distinguish the family from other institutions are called specific. According to A.G. Kharchev, the specific functions of the family follow from the essence of the family and reflect its characteristics as a social phenomenon, while non-specific functions are those to which the family was forced or adapted in certain historical circumstances [10; 5].
The specific functions of the family include: reproductive, educational, household, emotional, the function of spiritual (cultural) communication, the function of primary social control, sexual and erotic.
The reproductive function of a family is the reproduction of the number of parents in children. This function includes elements of all other functions, since the family participates not only in the quantitative, but also in the qualitative reproduction of the population. Modern families are 90% or higher with few children, and among them more than half of families have one child.
The educational function of the family is one of the most important. It has three aspects . The first is the formation of the child’s personality, the development of his abilities and interests, the transmission to children by adult family members (mother, father, grandfather, grandmother) of the social experience accumulated by society, aesthetic development, positive attitude towards work, etc. The second aspect is the systematic educational impact of the family team on each member throughout his life. The third aspect is the constant influence of children on their parents, encouraging them to actively engage in self-education.
The success of fulfilling this function depends on the educational potential of the family. It is a set of conditions and means that determine the pedagogical capabilities of the family. This complex combines material and living conditions, the size and structure of the family, the development of the family team, the nature of the relationships between its members, and family traditions.
The economic and household function of the family is to satisfy the material needs of family members (food, shelter, etc.) and help maintain their health; During the family's performance of this function, the restoration of physical strength expended in labor is ensured.
The influence of the household function on relationships in the family community itself can be twofold: a fair distribution of household responsibilities in the family between spouses, older and younger generations, as a rule, favors the strengthening of the psychological climate in the family, the moral and labor education of children, and the strengthening of marital relationships. If there is an unfair distribution of household responsibilities in the family, the impact will undoubtedly be negative.
The problem of family management is closely related to the household function - the question of leadership in the family. Most families are characterized by approximately equal participation of spouses in managing the home. This is the most progressive method of family management, which every family should strive for.
The emotional and psychological function of the family is the satisfaction of its members’ needs for sympathy, respect, recognition, emotional support, and psychological protection . Various signs of a lack of mutual understanding in the family (disputes, quarrels, disagreements) are considered a hallmark of an inharmonious, unsuccessful, unhappy family. Lack of mutual understanding leads to a feeling of inner emptiness, depression, alienation, a deterioration in psychological and physical condition, and a significant decrease in a person’s performance. It should be noted that any discord in the relationship between parents affects the character of the children and traumatizes them to one degree or another.
The function of spiritual (cultural) communication is to satisfy the needs for joint leisure activities and mutual spiritual enrichment . Increasing the role of this function is facilitated by the correct rhythm and routine of family life, reasonable distribution of responsibilities between its members, and planning of work and rest. A family is a single group , however, the interests of family members may be different. And ignoring interests can sometimes lead to conflict outbreaks. In general, this function is, as it were, a mirror of the maturity of a person as an individual: a lot can be said about a person by the nature of his leisure time.
The function of primary social control is to ensure that family members comply with social norms, especially those who, due to various circumstances (age, illness, etc.), do not have sufficient ability to independently structure their behavior in full accordance with social norms.
Sexual-erotic function - satisfying the sexual-erotic needs of family members. At the same time, the family regulates the sexual and erotic behavior of its members, ensuring the biological reproduction of society. Sexual culture , like any personal culture, does not arise immediately. By observing the relationship between father and mother in everyday life, the child learns a certain type of relationship between a man and a woman. Parents' relationships are one of the main models for children's future marital relationships .
Over time, changes occur in family functions: some are lost, others change in accordance with new conditions that have emerged. Thus, the function of primary social control has changed qualitatively. The level of tolerance towards the birth of illegitimate children, adultery, etc. has increased.
Many researchers, in particular T. Parsons , argue that at present the family has lost many functions due to the transition of developed countries to the phase of post-industrial society, and only the educational function remains an essential function of the family. Most authors identify the birth and upbringing of children as the most important, main, leading function of the family (V.M. Bekhterev , V.I. Druzhinin , A.G. Kharchev [11, 16]). According to M. Argyle (1990), children as an object and type of activity are in first place among other forms of leisure (communication with friends, sports, communication with relatives, etc.), despite the fact that children themselves (according to M. Argyle ) are stress factors, but they also have a positive effect on health [12; 38]. L.Ya. Gozman, as the “most important function of the family” in modern conditions, defines the function of “providing psychological comfort and emotional support for people to each other” (1981), and considers the reproductive function as a special case of “the need for emotional contacts, since children are primarily expected to provide non-material support , but emotional warmth and love” [13; 213]. More recent work suggests that it is impossible to prioritize the family function. It all depends on the values, a particular society and its individuals who form a family.
The cultural revolution , urbanization, population migration, the interpenetration of cultures, languages of different peoples, and globalization processes have had a decisive impact on the family . Now, with economic and legal equality between men and women, it is necessary to re-evaluate and distribute family responsibilities and roles. In this case, it is necessary to take into account what is the core of family life for spouses, as well as their performance of extra-family functions (work, social activities). What matters here is what patterns of family structure and distribution of responsibilities the spouses adopted from their parental families. The function of giving birth and raising children is no longer fundamental and does not play the role that it played before: general education institutions perform part of the educational and educational function, the idea of gender equality, the development of feminist ideas, industrial development, as well as the specifics of urban life have influenced the increase in the importance of social values. activity of both spouses, especially women. After all, the proclaimed orientation towards social equality of men and women leads to the fact that they are being prepared for a similar path in life. Regardless of gender, everyone needs to get an education and work; for a woman, the family acts only as an additional sphere of fulfillment. At the same time, the load on the woman increases, and a role conflict occurs (Yu.E. Aleshina [14; 82]). Evidence also suggests that women who are housewives are less psychologically well-off than working women. A study by S. Parasuraman and colleagues found that the husbands of working women, compared to the husbands of housewives (cited from the book by T. V. Bendas [15]), are significantly less satisfied with their work, marriage, quality of life and the way their children are raised, although the authors of the study concluded that the influence of the working wife factor on the husband’s psychological well-being is small. As women become preoccupied with their careers, they may spend less time expressively interacting with their husbands, and decreased emotional support may negatively impact men's psychological well-being. In addition, it has been suggested that some women may deliberately choose to work outside the home to compensate for their dissatisfaction with their marriage or their husband's frustration with his own work. Despite the contradictory facts, it can definitely be noted that social activity in a woman’s life is becoming increasingly important and requires further research and explanation of the psychological aspects of this phenomenon.
L. Ya . Gozman , as “ the most important function of the family ” in modern conditions, defines the function of “ providing psychological comfort and emotional support for people to each other ” (1981, p. 212), and considers the reproductive function as a special case of “the need for emotional contacts, since children are expected to not just material support, but emotional warmth and love” (ibid., p. 213). In a later work, L.Ya. Gozman and Yu.E. Aleshina (1985) state that “ none of the family functions, however, can be recognized as leading ” and emphasize that some of them fundamentally contradict each other (for example , " recreational " and " reproductive "). In our time, the family has come to personify the source of emotional support for its members in a soulless society torn apart by contradictions ( Lesh , 1990). G.G. Diligensky (1986) wrote about Western society that in it, even having a living wage and a “normal” consumer standard, many live under the threat of losing this standard and are forced to constantly fight to preserve it. In the family, they are looking for the sphere of application of those needs for emotional and psychological community, closeness with other people, which are distorted and suppressed in every possible way by the relations of competition and individualism (A. N. Elizarov [9; 4]).
A. N. Elizarov points out that it is legitimate to consider as the leading activity of the family the activities of development (transformation) and transmission to subsequent generations of certain values, which at the subjective level act as value orientations of family members. Value orientations unite people into a family and create prospects for its development. Value orientations determine the goals of producing and raising children in a family. In the process of its existence, the family can finally create new values that are transmitted to other social groups [9; 5].
A person’s feeling of completeness and satisfaction with life arises when he self-actualizes, that is, he embodies his ideals, using his talents and abilities, and at the same time he is not forced to act against his beliefs, what has a subjective meaning for him. The coincidence of value orientations is one of the factors of group cohesion and contributes to the creation of its integrity and unity. In the process of interaction, a convergence of interests and value orientations, intellectual and characterological characteristics of individuals occurs. In relation to family life, values determine the relationship of each spouse to various aspects of family life, give its aspects special significance and personal meaning, distinguishing this area of relations from the rest.
An analysis of works on the study of the values of family life in married couples shows that this problem as an independent area of research has been studied quite little. Since value orientations are the most important component of subjective formative activity and the subject himself in it, in order to understand the processes occurring in modern families, it is necessary to turn to the study of family values and value orientations of modern spouses, taking into account the length of family life, family structure, and the Eastern or European (having different norms and distribution of responsibilities in the family); identifying the structure of family values among men and women will make it possible to build a more systematic policy regarding the upbringing of the younger generation, take into account the needs of the citizens of our society and, therefore, will help strengthen the institution of the family.
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Respect
If spouses do not respect each other, then there can be no question of any happy family life. Moreover, it is very important to respect not only the person himself, as a person or as a husband, but also all his habits and shortcomings, even if you don’t like them and you are trying with all your might to change them.
The basis of respect is that you must respect the choices you have made. In other words, you married this person? This means that this is where you chose. It turns out that if you are unhappy with your husband and have stopped respecting him, it means you are unhappy with your choice. Now think for a moment - at the beginning of your married life he was good, and then he became bad. So, maybe you are to blame for the fact that your married life has cracked?
Well, let's not talk about the bad, let's start rebuilding what we destroyed. So start with respect. Even if you want to quarrel or yell at your spouse, remember that you respect him and, therefore, value him. As soon as you remember about respect, you will immediately want to go up and hug this person. By the way, you know that many spouses, when they start arguing, turn to insults only because they have lost respect for each other. And then, having made peace, they cannot get these insults out of their heads. Therefore, in all family quarrels, always remember respect.
Family values: what are they?
There is no specific hierarchy or list of popular values of family life. Each narrow circle of genetically related people chooses a separate, individual path for themselves.
For some, respect and veneration are more important, for others, community of interests, for others, following traditions and rituals familiar to them.
Some put love in the first place, others – the ability to forgive, seek compromises and adapt, the so-called “flexibility”.
Some people emphasize communication more than anything else, while others think mutual care and responsibility for each other are irreplaceable.
Significance
Every person wants to be significant. Meaning gives strength and increases self-esteem. There are too many problems around us, the envy of others and misunderstandings. Therefore, every person tries to find peace and support in the family circle. For each of us, the family serves as a kind of shield from external problems.
Therefore, spouses, returning home after a hard day at work, want to be greeted with warm hugs and a smile, then all problems become small and unnoticeable. So, try to make your spouse feel important and loved.
- In this case, the mirror effect will work: your husband will see how significant and dear he is to you, and will behave in the same way, giving you his love.
So, don't forget about significance. Show your spouse that you are proud of him and that his problems are your problems. In the evening, during dinner, do not indifferently place a plate of food in front of him, but ask him how his day went and how he feels. Talk more and let your husband know how much you care about him.
Past and present
Today, the economic component has ceased to be the primary determining factor. In the 21st century, a person can live alone, just like raising a child. This position of people affects the decrease in motivation to start a family.
Due to the current situation, many “non-traditional” forms of cohabitation have emerged. However, there are preserved values - having a family. The family is necessary for the comprehensive normal upbringing of a child. People need to be together no matter what. You should not strive for loneliness in this world.
Marriage is a serious endeavor between two people. You should always remember that in a family there are not only joys and relief in life for spouses, but there are also difficulties. It’s harder to climb a mountain alone than with two people, but in marriage you begin to bear responsibility not only for yourself, but also for your partner.
