From time to time, being jealous of a loved one is normal and even useful: taken in homeopathic doses, this feeling excites the blood, spices up the relationship, makes you appreciate your partner more... But what if, instead of short injections of jealousy, you begin to experience a constant oppressive fear of betrayal, which does not exist? do you need irrefutable evidence? He just is. It has settled in your soul and does not allow you to breathe freely, forcing you to intensely monitor every move of a man: have you already cheated? About to change? About to change? Such fear can poison life, because it is too difficult to stop being afraid of betrayal, especially if the girl was once burned.
- Is it possible to learn to live with the fear of betrayal?
- How to deal with a phobia
Immersion method
- Self-realization and self-improvement
- Conversation
- Affirmations
- Refusal of generalizations
- Video: how to deal with jealousy and fear of betrayal
What is fear of betrayal
Some people confuse this phenomenon with banal jealousy or fear of being alone. However, psychologists have clearly defined this concept, which differs quite significantly from simple distrust of one’s soulmate.
Jealousy can arise even at the sight of a partner who is enthusiastically communicating with an attractive member of the opposite sex. Mistrust is usually based on an initial suspicion of everything that happens within and outside the couple.
Jealousy in small doses is even acceptable, because it allows you to fuel the passion of two loving hearts for each other. However, if we are already talking about paranoid thoughts about the obligatory betrayal of a loved one when his behavior is very exemplary, then we can diagnose such a thing as fear of betrayal.
It is activated even in situations where a loved one is close to a potential jealous person 24 hours a day and is tightly controlled by him.
Causes of fear of betrayal
An obsessive feeling of the expected collapse of the family can develop on the basis of phobias, which usually make themselves felt in the following way:
- Diffidence
. Not all men and women deep down consider themselves individuals who always remain above competition. Some people begin to get nervous about possible betrayal on the part of their significant other literally out of the blue. The fear of betrayal in such individuals is formed on the basis of some complexes that are created thanks to their own imagination or through rumors from “well-wishers”. - Problems in childhood
. Fear of betrayal may arise in an adult if his parents divorced in the past. Not all children perceive this process painlessly, because for them the collapse of the family is a fairly significant psychological trauma. Such mania sometimes also develops due to the lack of a sense of security in a child or teenager. - Bad experience in the past
. When analyzing interpersonal relationships, few couples can boast that their marriage was initially based on mutual trust. If one of the partners did not have a love story in the past due to the fact of betrayal on the part of the other half, then the fear of repeating the bitter experience can become an obsession. - The presence of infidelity in a couple
. A similar reason for the occurrence of the described mania further aggravates the fear of betrayal on the part of a loved one. You can also understand the betrayal of a spouse with whom you no longer maintain any relationship. Accepting the fact of the existence of an interest on the side in an existing marriage is given to a fairly small number of people. Even if a sinner who has repented is returned to his family, there is no guarantee that his adventures will not be repeated. - Strange behavior of the spouse
. In most cases, it may seem suspicious only to people who are insecure, who see a conspiracy in every action of those around them. The fear of betrayal will constantly haunt such persons, because they are not able to become happy due to far-fetched problems. - Open flirting of a partner
. Not every person will like the fact that his chosen one turned out to be a rather flighty person. There is a type of people who can stop at the stage of compliments and dirty jokes towards members of the opposite sex. However, for his significant other, even these half-hints of a desire to have fun on the side will be enough for him to develop a fear of potential betrayal in the future. - Fear of betrayal in young mothers
. A once stylish and self-confident beauty may lose her attractive figure to the male eye after giving birth. There is no need to be afraid of this, because everything has its time when regaining your figure after pregnancy. However, such common sense reasoning is not heard by all young mothers who develop a fear of betrayal on the part of their partner at the sight of more attractive potential rivals. - Hormonal disbalance
. During menopause, many ladies begin to react rather inadequately to quite ordinary things. Hormones can play a cruel joke on them, because during this period of life a woman often becomes suspicious and whiny. - Threats from a partner
. They can even be pronounced as a joke, which is clearly unsuccessful. Humor like “if you don’t take out the trash, I’ll go to a neighbor’s house” very often ends with a sad consequence in the form of the victim of such “gags” becoming afraid of betrayal at the slightest fault.
To some people, this mania will seem like an insignificant phenomenon against the background of the same pathological jealousy, which sometimes leads to a rather bloody outcome of events. However, a person with such fear will not be able to save his marriage, because water wears away stones. Not every spouse will agree to put up with a depressed person who herself does not believe in the joint future of the established couple.
Final considerations4
Living with a cheater is below average pleasure. It does not matter who suffered from such betrayal. Both men and women experience such moments equally hard, so it’s stupid to talk about the stronger sex. It takes a lot of effort and time to make life sparkle with new colors. It is time that can become that saving anchor that erases the bitter moments of parting.
Even if you don’t know how to forget betrayal, try first of all to distract yourself from unpleasant thoughts. This can be done with the help of new impressions that can replace the old ones. Shock therapy would also be an excellent solution. A little extreme - and for you there are no more problems that you could not solve personally. Shopping, rebooting your appearance, communicating with loved ones - all this makes you stop thinking about cheating. Of course, people have different sensitivities, but there is a proven way to “not be overwhelmed” - simply erase the traitor from your head!
Every moment of life is not only a pleasant memory that will warm your soul on lonely evenings. There are also situations that you want to quickly forget about. However, it is tedious to learn to see not only the bad, but also the good in everything that happens to you. Let meeting a cheater be a valuable experience for you, which will allow you to take a closer look at your surroundings and not blindly trust everyone you meet. After all, even if you experience tender feelings, you are not immune from sudden betrayal. And the better you are prepared for this, the easier you will survive any blows of fate.
The main signs of fear of betrayal in a person
It is very important for those close to you and the person himself to stop in time if there is a suspicion of voiced mania. According to experts, the fear of cheating on a husband or wife usually looks like this:
- Tight control of the partner
. Even if the spouse is stuck in the same traffic jam, then an immediate interrogation with pretentious speeches in the style of a prosecutor awaits him at home. After each word, “you don’t need to lie,” “who will confirm this,” or “come up with something more convincing” will be said. A victim of fear of betrayal is always actively searching for dirt on his partner. All his pockets are carefully checked several times a day. The phone number of a potential “cheater” is studied with such attention that a professional detective would envy. If the chosen one is out of touch for at least 5 minutes, then this can end very badly for him upon arrival home. - Regular tantrums
. Particularly eccentric persons during this process can engage in breaking dishes to enhance the effect of the educational event. The announced action is carried out according to schedule and with enviable consistency. With the fear of betrayal, insecure individuals can shed a huge amount of tears for one reason known to them and even enjoy such an activity. - Demonstrative self-pity
. Loving yourself alone will not be a problem for most people who value themselves as individuals. However, in this obsessive state, pity is formed in a particularly active mode. In this case, the husband is accused of taking the best years of her life from the victim of the described mania. - "Sound" arguments
. With and in most cases without it, people with a fear of betrayal conduct a thorough investigation into the fact of possible betrayal. It is enough for them to receive “reliable” information from a retired neighbor who literally saw with her own eyes the fact of entertainment on the side of an unfaithful scoundrel. This gossip is quite suitable for an insecure person, who can then arrange a family evening with a stormy showdown between the spouses. - Strange questions
. Some people are simply attacked by their significant other with similar attacks if they are obsessed with the fear of betrayal. This is done by bombarding the desired object with phrases like “do you love me?”, “you’re definitely not cheating on me” or “you don’t need anyone else but me.” At first, such increased interest in oneself can even be pleasant for the spouse. But this is only at the very initial stage of the described process, which ultimately turns into elementary whining and obsession.
Note! This behavior is not a problem exclusively for a person who experiences constant fear of betrayal. It affects the interests of his partner, who cannot feel comfortable in family life with this model of behavior.
When you can't do without a specialist
There is no shame in seeking professional help if you understand that you cannot solve the problem on your own. This is why specialists are needed to deal with situations beyond the control of ordinary people. Do you feel like your phobia continues to progress and consume you? Don’t hesitate, look for a good psychotherapist or psychologist. In their assortment there are enough tools to tame your enemy: from conversations that reveal all the ins and outs of fear to hypnosis and the use of mild sedatives.
In some cases, when deep depression develops along with fear of betrayal, consultation with a psychiatrist may be necessary. Don't be afraid of this word! No one will register you and the mark of a mentally ill person will not be burned on your forehead. But he will be able to help you get out of your condition with the help of well-chosen drugs. However, a psychiatrist is usually not required in such cases; the fear of betrayal is quite amenable to the efforts of a psychotherapist.
Video: how to deal with jealousy and fear of betrayal
Fear steals the best moments of life from us without a twinge of conscience. Instead of enjoying the present, appreciating what we have, we spend time thinking about things that may never happen. Don't let a phobia poison your life or ruin your relationship with your loved one. What if the man whose sincere love you so stubbornly refuse to believe is the same person who can make you happy? Of course, no one will give you a 100% guarantee that your relationship will develop without problems, but it’s always worth trying! So fight your phobia and put it to rest.
Methods for dealing with the fear of betrayal
Psychologists strongly recommend that you definitely should not put up with this feeling. There are many ways to get rid of the fear of betrayal. In this case, it is not necessary to visit a specialist, because such mania can be eliminated by a doctor only in critical situations.
Advice from psychologists on getting rid of the fear of betrayal for women
Representatives of the fair sex in most cases are potential jealous people who are afraid of the appearance of a brighter rival in their man’s life. To get rid of such an obsessive complex, you need to act as follows:
- Self-realization
. To prevent your thoughts from being occupied with unproductive plans and illusory doubts, you need to organize your leisure time with maximum benefit for your business. In this case, it is worth remembering that in a family, a partner rarely cheats on his significant other if he considers her to be an accomplished person. If the chosen one does not suffer from such a thing as sexual promiscuity, then he will never seek solace on the side in the presence of a beloved and respected wife. - Taking care of your body
. It is necessary to forget once and for all the excuse convenient for lazy people that my husband should love me in any form. He can admire and desire even a spouse who has stopped taking care of herself, but is it worth the risk? The fear of betrayal most often visits precisely those women who understand that there are many quite attractive people around her man. However, nothing prevents an insecure lady from pulling herself together and improving her appearance. - Refusal of the ban on sex
. By punishing her husband in this way, a woman punishes herself first and foremost. A man will find solace on the side, but how his wife can then live with this fact is a big question. If you are afraid of your husband’s possible betrayal, it is not recommended to deny your loved one intimate intimacy without a significant reason. - Prohibition on surveillance
. Some women turn their personal lives into the animated series “The Koloboks Are Investigating.” This pattern of behavior can not only destroy trust in a married couple, but also lead to divorce in the future. The fear of betrayal should not guide the feelings and actions of the spouse, turning her from a loving and gentle wife into a bloodhound. - Conversation with friends in misfortune
. No one will be surprised by the fact that ladies love to “wash” the bones of their acquaintances and their significant other in their leisure time. This event can be carried out even more effectively if you find like-minded people with a similar problem. If a woman has let off steam during such a conversation and realized that her fears are not an isolated incident, then she will not take it out on her spouse.
Advice from psychologists on eliminating the fear of betrayal for men
The strong half of humanity may also experience all the negative aspects of such mental pathology. At the same time, experts advise potential Othello to change the situation for the better in the following way:
- Increased self-esteem
. Every man who loves and is loved by his chosen one must clearly analyze his strengths and weaknesses. If a woman chose this particular partner as her life partner, it means that she justified this for herself in a certain way. Therefore, a man who suffers from the fear of betrayal must work on himself in order to prove to his soulmate that her choice is correct. - Frank conversation with your partner
. Women love with their ears, which representatives of the stronger sex should always understand. If there is fear about possible betrayal on her part, then you should clearly tell her about it. During a monologue that is important for a couple, it is necessary to clearly justify the voiced concern so that it does not look like a reaction to yet another gossip from ill-wishers. However, you should not turn a heart-to-heart conversation into a formal interrogation with bias towards your spouse. - Maximum trust
. You won’t be nice by force, so if love has passed, then the woman can start looking for a new partner. If peace and tranquility reigns in the family, then there is no need to destroy the newfound happiness with artificial actions. Fear of betrayal is, first of all, disrespect for your partner if he does not give the slightest reason to doubt his sincerity. - Life one day
. A man should think about the fact that the fear of betrayal by the woman he loves can completely poison his existence. You need to appreciate what currently brings him peace and happiness. You should not aggravate the situation in the family if imaginary fears are solely a figment of the imagination of an insecure man.
How to get rid of the fear of betrayal - watch the video:
If the question arises of how to overcome the fear of betrayal, you should just calm down and put your thoughts in order. This must be done at least in order not to expose your couple to the risk of divorce in the future. It is also important to make efforts to regain self-confidence. After all, it’s always good to be around an interesting and attractive person.
How to deal with a phobia
Since we have agreed that it is unacceptable to live under the eternal oppression of a phobia, we must cope with it. If you feel that the situation is still under your control, try to do it on your own.
Immersion method
It consists of choosing a time, sitting down and calmly imagining that the betrayal has already occurred. In the smallest detail. How will this affect you? What will the man do? How will you behave? Turn the situation this way and that, bringing it to the point of complete absurdity, until you simply get tired of it. Most likely, at some point you will understand that in fact the alleged betrayal is not as terrible as you imagined it, and your life will not end there.
Important condition! At the end of the session, tell yourself: everything you just saw is just a fantasy that has nothing to do with real life; Everything is fine with you now, you are together, you love each other. And don’t even think about returning to the fantasized pictures again and again! The method works as a one-time action that can be used from time to time, and not as a constant chewing gum for the brain.
Self-realization and self-improvement
Take care of yourself. Do you feel that your shape is far from ideal? Make time for sports, go on a diet, sign up for a hair styling appointment at a salon. Phobias and self-confidence do not go well together.
Already the first successes will make you believe in yourself
Along the way, think about a hobby you could take up. After all, there was some business that gave you pleasant moments, until life came down to the question “will it change or not”? It doesn’t matter what you focus your efforts on - knitting, oil painting, dog training - the main thing is that you feel inclined to this activity. Firstly, the head, willy-nilly, a significant part of the time will be occupied with more constructive thoughts than thoughts about the betrayal of a loved one, and secondly, self-realization in any type of activity always benefits a person. A woman in particular. You will radiate confidence and charm, sometimes unwittingly. You yourself are unlikely to notice it, but those around you definitely will!
Advice: keep a success diary and don’t be lazy to write something good about yourself in it every evening. Even if today you just made amazingly delicious coffee or helped a young mother pull a stroller off the porch, this is worthy of being immortalized on the pages of your “honor book.”
Conversation
You won't believe it, but this is one of the most effective remedies. Try to talk confidentially with your husband or lover about your fears, tell us exactly what his actions provoke attacks of phobia in you. But keep in mind that this should be a conversation between two adequate adults, and not a hysteria from the position of a victim: “I don’t sleep at night because of you!” You can drink a sedative in advance, do meditation, take 100 grams for courage - in a word, do whatever you want, but speak in an even tone, without reproaches and tears. In the end, it will probably turn out that your loved one did not suspect what a storm of feelings his innocent chat with a female colleague would awaken in your soul, and he will make certain concessions.
The art of heart-to-heart conversation is often underestimated in the modern world. Psychology says that men go to their mistresses for two reasons: new sensations in sex and... understanding. Is the conclusion clear? Talk to your man more often, ask about his affairs and worries of the past day, be sincerely interested in what’s in your sweetheart’s soul? Don't let phobia drive a wedge between you. And if you also add imagination here to diversify your established intimate life, the prevention of infidelity will turn out to be of very high quality.
Learn to talk to each other and enjoy communication
Affirmations
Displace fear from your consciousness, replacing it with positive attitudes. Remember the best moments of your life together. Think that this man has already made his choice, and of all the women on earth, he chose you. Focus on pleasant little things. A good means of self-hypnosis can be the phrase: “We love each other, we are happy, we feel very good together.” Repeat it to yourself as often as possible.
Refusal of generalizations
This point concerns primarily those who have already experienced the bitterness of betrayal and cannot forget about it. But take a break from the postulate “all men are assholes” for a second, remember that the person next to you is no longer the one who once hurt you so painfully, and soberly, calmly analyze the behavior of your current chosen one. Is he really giving you cause for concern or is it a painful past knocking down your door?
In such cases, it can be useful to speak out, but this time not for the man - he has nothing to do with the past, right? - and to a close friend. Moreover, it is advisable to do this “hot on the heels” before the wound begins to scar and you decide on a new romance. But in certain circumstances, you can also conduct belated therapy by telling your friend how hurt you were, cry and listen to words of consolation in response. Just choose your listener wisely: a friend who is herself going through a difficult period in her personal life, instead of reassuring her, can add salt to the wound.
In a more difficult situation, a woman finds herself who has forgiven her chosen one for going outside and decided to restore the relationship that has cracked. Not developing a phobia in such conditions is a difficult task, but it can be done, but it is worth talking about it separately. For example, here.
Give up surveillance, it won't do any good anyway
What you definitely shouldn’t do, no matter how much your phobia sounds the alarm.
- Restrict a man's freedom. Garage, fishing, football (underline as appropriate) - this is sacred, you cannot encroach on the legal right of your loved one to spend some time outside your company and control.
- Intrude into your partner’s personal space, especially since you have a much greater chance of being caught reading someone else’s correspondence and running into a scandal than of unearthing something really worthwhile there.
- For years, languish from suspicion and remain silent. If the feeling of fear cannot be controlled and even a conversation with your loved one has not helped, it is time to involve a professional in the matter. Sometimes it's really necessary.
