According to research, despair begins to be felt especially often and acutely when people enter early adulthood - 30-40 years old. This harmful feeling causes problems with mental and physical health.
The state of despair can be considered a symptom of mental disorders or it can be a situational emotion that occurs in response to negative life events. An oppressive feeling of hopelessness is found in diseases such as depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, various types of addictions and more. Despair is not always associated with a psychiatric diagnosis, but regardless of the cause, this feeling has a devastating impact on life and health. Negative emotions threaten not only a person’s well-being and mental stability. They can also rob you of the motivation you need to complete daily tasks, interact with people, or even seek help.
People often experience feelings of despair after tragic incidents. This is usually the main emotion that arises in response to a sudden traumatic event. In this case, this is a normal and understandable reaction, but it can lead to rash decisions in critical situations or drag on and poison life for a long time. Fortunately, we have the power to dispel this harmful feeling. We can learn to cope with any losses, move on, change and move on with our lives if we do not ignore the problematic situation and seek help.
How do we feel when we despair?
- Depreciation
All past experience ceases to matter.
At these moments I fall apart in half. The brain is capable of bringing up a variety of arguments and proposing plan A, B, and how much more is needed to overcome the crisis. But there is always a small part of me that squeezes into my knees and shoulders, covers my head with my paws and thinks one thought: “everything is lost.”
In this state, we tend to cross out everything, burn all our bridges.
First I check that I did everything correctly. I did. Then I freak out and think about going to work as a shawarma seller.
- Lost
We don’t understand where we are, the foundation disappears, the basis on which we can rely.
If something goes wrong, if I do a lot and the result is zero, then for some time I row by inertia, telling myself that everything is about to turn out the way I imagined. And then I realize that “just about” hasn’t happened for a long time, and I turn into moral dust. At these moments I don’t think anything good either about myself or about the future.
- Brokenness
Despair also affects your well-being. Fatigue comes from nowhere, and you may suddenly get sick. This is psychosomatics.
- No future
It is very difficult to make plans and hope for something when everything is falling out of your hands and the ground is crumbling under your feet.
My despair is always tragic. It goes beyond business and extends to life, which becomes meaningless and unnecessary, despite high spiritual teachings and the acceptance that it is all just a game of the ego.
- Panic
For those who are accustomed to regular victories, it is especially difficult to come to terms with despair - chaotic actions begin on the principle of “doing at least something, just don’t stop.”
I begin to ask myself questions, torment, analyze and engage in other types of masochism.
- Loneliness
We are not used to being weak, and showing that we are desperate, it seems inconvenient to us. Most often, people despair when they are alone.
Each of us thinks that he is the only one. The rest are all so positive and successful, and I’m a toy terrier!) But we gathered here and said that there are many of us, we are like this, and this does not stop us from being cool in what we do!
- Humility
We allow despair to take over all our thoughts and time, we fall into it completely and stew in it.
I’m terribly despairing, and I’m going into a deep, deep minus, that I don’t know how and can’t do anything, and I don’t have a profession, and there’s nothing, and everything is bad in all areas.
Meditation and Compassion
Despair is a negative state that can lead to irreparable consequences. A person driven into a corner is capable of doing things that he would never have dared to do before. One of the ways to free yourself from the endless cycle of suffering and exit the dark cave of despair into the clear light of day is meditation and compassion, no matter how strange it may sound. It is a method of connecting to the inner nature of our mind, which is free from drama, not colored by emotions, to pure consciousness.
To meditate, you simply need to relax and remain in pure awareness of the present moment. Try to let go of your pain and detach yourself from personal problems, recognizing that suffering is an integral part of the lives of many people. Accepting this fact strengthens such feelings as compassion.
Where does despair come from?
Recognizing the problem and understanding its nature is almost half of the solution. During the discussion, we found out that despair and its accompanying conditions have specific causes. Everyone has their own, but knowing them, you can carry out prevention and, at a minimum, not be surprised at the moment of despair. So why do we despair?
- Little experience
When we are just at the start of a project, there are still a lot of rosy expectations, which often have nothing to do with reality. Beginning freelancers and entrepreneurs despair much more and more often. If you process these moments correctly, a natural reaction is formed that helps you cope.
- Little real response to activity
Experts whose activities involve working online, remote consultants, and, perhaps, all freelancers, have to go through a period at the beginning of their journey when it is not clear how the end user feels about your work.
You do something, you do it, and you don’t have the slightest idea what is happening from your actions with others, and whether it is happening at all. And at times you think that everything, nothing worked out, nothing worked out.
- Perfectionism
The refusal to accept halftones, the desire to do only perfectly and not well enough, the desire to be the best in everything has driven many specialists into deep despair who are not accustomed to measuring success in intermediate results.
- Lack of an unshakable base
Interlocutors describe despair as falling into the unknown. We easily give in to the desire to give up and give up everything when we do not have a solid foundation under our feet in our activities.
If possible, every day do at least some small thing (whatever you have enough moral strength to do) for the main task.
- Intolerance
Even if we accept despair, we want everything to start getting better the minute we accept it.
It often turns out that you just had to wait a little - because it was not zero, but a delayed result. Not immediately, but over time. But I already have time to collapse into despair.
Depression is more than just a bad mood
A prolonged state of depression, hopelessness, sadness, and anxiety has a strong impact on a person’s behavior and thoughts. These people either eat a lot or refuse food altogether. They have difficulty making decisions, suffer from very low concentration and have memory problems. These people are also suicidal. What is the meaning of the word "despair"? This state can be described as extreme hopelessness and hopelessness.
External factors such as a difficult childhood, neglect, drug addiction, financial problems, serious illness, or the loss of a body part can lead to depression. Depressive conditions prevail for a long time and require proper psychiatric treatment. Symptoms of major depression affect your daily ability to work, sleep, or enjoy life. As a rule, the complex also includes hopelessness, despair and powerlessness.
What does despair look like?
In society, a desperate person stands out from other individuals:
- He demonstrates a clear loss of hope in his own future and faith in his own strength.
- Often an individual is accompanied by a completely conscious or subconscious fear for his own future and the future life of people close to him and dependent on him.
- An archaic feeling of shame for one’s own inability, ineptitude or failure is also involved.
- Despair can be both a cause and a symptom of depression and various neurosis-like conditions.
Resolving the contradiction of despair from oneself according to God
“Grace-filled despair,” which Father Sophrony writes about, despair of oneself “according to God,” finds its resolution in the acquisition of God’s grace. Going through severe spiritual suffering, through exhaustion, a person becomes spiritually purer, “more transparent” to God.
The resolution of “graceful despair”, spiritual cleansing is a gift of God. It is the Lord who sends His light, His deliverance, which the ascetic’s soul so longs for, so earnestly prays for, having felt the impossibility of acquiring grace through one’s own strength and deeds: “It is far from joyful to see oneself “beggar”, to realize one’s blindness,” Father Sophrony testifies. “It’s extremely painful to hear a death sentence against myself for being who I am.” However, in the eyes of my Creator, I am blessed precisely for the knowledge of my nothingness (cf. Matthew 5:3).
I must see Christ “as He is” in order to compare myself with Him, and from this comparison feel my “ugliness.” My self-loathing was and still is strong. But out of this horror, a prayer of special despair was born in me, plunging me into a sea of tears. At that time I did not see any way to my healing; It seemed to me that my ugliness could not be transformed into the likeness of His beauty. And this crazy prayer, which shook my entire being, attracted the compassion of the Most High God to me, and His Light shone in the darkness of my existence. Through the hell of my hopelessness came heavenly deliverance..."
Many Holy Fathers and ascetics spoke about God’s help, which comes in the most difficult and responsible moments of life, associated, in particular, with the refusal to rely only on one’s own strength and with trust in God. Thus, Saint Ignatius (Brianchaninov) emphasizes: “Your cross is vanity and fruitless if, through following Christ, it is not transformed into the cross of Christ.” “The cross is still painful as long as it remains its own. When he is transformed into the cross of Christ, he receives extraordinary lightness.”
Having received God's help and felt His grace, the ascetic does not stop there. Having received a respite from spiritual warfare and the spiritual experience of condemning himself, he, as Father Sophrony writes, “again goes to stand over the abyss.”
In what situations can a person become overwhelmed by despair?
The strongest deep archaic emotions in humans arise against the backdrop of global stress and upheaval. Psychologists, when highlighting the causes of despair, always talk about severe, sudden tragic events that occurred in the life of an individual. Very often such events have irreversible and irresistible force, so the individual cannot influence them in any way. A person can fall into despair, for example, having experienced:
- Death of a loved one or loved one.
- Serious illness, injury or disfigurement.
- Car accident.
- Natural disasters.
- Separation or divorce.
- Dismissal from work or demotion, business collapse.
- Fires and complete loss of property and other reasons.
When everything is bad: 7 ways not to lose heart
Happiness is not in the absence of problems, but in the ability to cope with problems. 7 things to remember the next time you feel like things have gone wrong.
Nothing is permanent
Just as the rain always stops and darkness follows the light, healing of the soul always follows pain. Don't make the mistake of thinking that your pain will last forever. Nothing lasts forever, good or bad. Every fleeting moment is a new chance to make your life better and bring huge changes to the drab everyday life.
Advice: accept the circumstances of life. The Universe will help you let go of your own fears and give you what you really need. You are struggling with a problem, but this does not mean that you cannot find the strength to enjoy life.
Failures and heartache help you grow spiritually
Although pain is severe, it never enters your life without a purpose. Often, this is a sign that you need to move forward and improve yourself. Sometimes it can be very difficult to leave parts of your life behind. But most importantly, pain, mental or physical, is not a sign of failure.
Advice: The greatest success stories involve being able to bear pain throughout life's journey. Failure can hurt and change you, but you can also begin to grow as a person if you stop resisting failure and try to answer the question of what failure has to teach you.
Don't worry if you can't change anything
It's easy to dwell on the painful events in your life, but you can only find happiness when you forget about your problems and can find the strength to be grateful for all the problems that you don't have.
Tip: Instead of doing nothing and worrying about things beyond your control, ask yourself what you can change and try to do something great with the resources you have.
You are not responsible for the negativity of others
Fight negativity with positivity. Follow your plan, your idea of who you want to be. Don't let others use you to solve their own difficult problems.
Advice: If you are going to change, do it. You need to be better for yourself and strive for a better future. It's impossible to make everyone happy, so don't waste time trying to improve the lives of the people around you. You only get one chance to live, so spend that time with people who reciprocate, people who treat you positively and support you.
Fight is a step forward
Developing patience means maintaining a positive attitude towards life, constantly working on yourself to achieve your dreams. To do great things, you must step out of your comfort zone.
Tip: When you step out of your comfort zone, you will naturally face challenges, which can sometimes be perceived as failures. However, these tests of your resolve can be seen as steps on the path to success rather than a sign that you will never reach your desired destination.
Love your problems
Your problems can be a source of pride. These are symbols of your inner strength. Problems only appear when you do something. In other words, you started a new business and started to run into problems. To overcome problems, move only forward.
Tip: Don't let your problems make you feel afraid or paralyzed. You may get more problems in the future. Those who have endured periods of failure are some of the strongest people, and your failures prove that you can handle anything life throws at you.
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Keep going forward
When you find yourself thinking that everything has gone wrong, don't be afraid to go back and try to start over. Whether you're trying to get your life back on track, trying to find love, or starting a new career, don't let your past pain harden your heart.
Advice: You may have to scramble to get out of your current rut of problems, but rest assured - it can be done, and you will do it! Very often people have to face the worst in order to ultimately achieve the best.
What can despair lead to?
The strongest shocks never pass without a trace for a person. Most people in such conditions have to seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist, since it is almost impossible to cope with the feeling of defeat and hopelessness on their own. There is a whole list of symptoms that make despair dangerous for a person. If you observe even a few of them in yourself or your loved ones, you should immediately seek qualified help:
- depression;
- insomnia or a constant desire to sleep;
- headache;
- feeling of loneliness, loss and confidence in the purposelessness of life;
- loss of objective perception of events and concentration;
- desire for complete isolation and selective contact with people;
- confusion of thoughts;
- craving for psychotropic drugs: alcohol, nicotine or drugs;
- decreased mental and physical performance;
- suicidal thoughts or attempts to commit suicide.
— How to cope with the feeling of despair?
______
1) We stop. First we just stop. Let’s stop this hysterical internal dialogue (“I can’t do anything! Everything is falling apart for me! I can’t do anything! Etc.”). Be silent for about a minute. Look around... Feel your arms... Shoulders... Head... Feel your whole body... This will be enough to just stop.
2) As always, we start by accepting the situation and ourselves. We repeat the mantra “I love myself, approve of myself and accept myself!”, we tell ourselves affectionate compliments... If you wish, you can spend 10-15 minutes on self-care: a face mask, makeup or a bath. This will help you get distracted, calm down and look at the problem from a different angle.
3) After you have calmed down a bit, begin to examine your emotions. Become aware of your feelings, consider them from all sides, observe your inner state... Observe the whole situation as if from the outside. Try to see something funny, ridiculous in the situation... By looking at your problem more consciously, you will understand that your despair is not worth it.
4) Let go of the situation. Tell yourself - come what may! Keep doing what you have to do, but don't worry about the result. Your worries will not make the problem go away. Quite the contrary. Value yourself. Take care of your health. There is nothing more important than your mental health, your well-being, your peace of mind. So let go and relax.
You will find it easier to cope with feelings of despair if you regularly increase your awareness through Mindfulness Exercises.
Also read the article on how to cheer up.
The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for agydar.ru
How to help a person who has plunged into the abyss of despair?
If you are surrounded by a desperate person who has faced tragic events, it is important to help him. It could be:
- Maintaining self-control and soberly assessing your capabilities. If there is no desire or knowledge to help, it is better to redirect the grieving person to another loved one or individual.
- Unobtrusive presence nearby. It is better not to leave the individual alone.
- Provide assistance in releasing emotions, be it crying or anger. You can feel sorry or lend a shoulder, offer to shout or hit a pillow.
- In no case should you deny feelings with phrases “this is nonsense”, “don’t worry” and the like. Devaluing emotions will only lead to anger.
- Skin-to-skin contact and assistance with drinking, eating and physical rest.
- For those people who know what long-term despair is, it is important to organize occupational therapy and certain activities to get out of prolonged stress.
Causes of despondency
1) Overwork
when a person is so tired that he has stopped seeing the prospect of what he is doing.
2) Routine and absence of new external stimuli
. Everything becomes boring and disgusting.
3) Failure and its perception as a fatal event
.
4) Disappointment in yourself and others
, leading to thoughts of inability to change anything in life.
5) Lack of goals
, which makes every day gray, monotonous and devoid of prospects.
6) Excessive "soul-searching"
when evidence of one’s own inferiority is constantly sought out.
7) Inability to be distracted from “your beloved self” to the surrounding reality
. An overly self-absorbed individual, even walking through the rain, will not notice that he is without an umbrella.
Down with despondency, or how to overcome this scourge
1) Workaholism and exhausting work should be eliminated
just like any other addiction or bad habit. Even if you sincerely enjoy the activity, you should not forget about a change in activity and proper rest.
2) Add variety
. At work, try to find new ways to complete responsibilities. In your personal life, don’t focus only on TV, communicating on social networks and playing the same computer game. Look for new ways to make good use of your free time.
3) Fundamentally change your attitude towards troubles and failures
. There is no rock! Any negative event takes on a dark color only in our minds.
Instead of despairing and throwing ashes on your head, you should focus on a new attempt to positively “resolve” the situation or, without regret, stop unsuccessful attempts, if this is more reasonable.
4) In order not to be disappointed in yourself or others, it is worth remembering that we are all far from perfect
and must accept everything as it is. You need to learn tolerance and try to understand others. And don’t forget to improve yourself and work on mistakes.
5) Set goals for yourself and try to achieve them
. This will bring meaning to existence. Don't allow long periods of time without a specific goal.
6) Stop criticizing yourself
. You are no worse than others, and in many ways better. Even if you have many shortcomings, why not work on eliminating them, rather than self-digging.
7) Try to look at the surrounding reality not through the prism of your thoughts
. If you walk in the park, enjoy the surrounding nature; When talking with your interlocutor, delve into the nuances of the conversation; while watching a football match, cheer. That is, turn off the “mental noise” and do only what you are doing at the current moment.
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Dejection can be controlled just like any other feeling, such as blues, melancholy and boredom. If you want to protect yourself and your loved ones from its destructive effects, mentally tell yourself “down with despondency” and act! Don't be a lying stone under which water does not flow. And we know what despondency is and how to deal with it.
Interesting read:
“Greed, stinginess and “not stingy” Grisha.”
Despair is not a reason to give up
You should never prematurely admit your own powerlessness; even in the most hopeless situation you should try to find a way out. You need to change your attitude towards events that are no longer possible to influence. So, having lost a loved one, you should not withdraw into yourself and forget about everything around you; on the contrary, you need to think about the people who are nearby, who also need support and care.
Depending on the reasons that entail negative states, it is important to correctly assess the scale of the disaster, not to fall into despair, but to maintain peace of mind, because there is still so much good around that makes life worth living...
