How to stop being shy: advice from psychologists and from books about shyness

Shyness is a natural, but unpleasant, burdensome quality that worsens a person’s quality of life. It is necessary to fight it, because it does not bring any benefit, but only causes great harm. For example, another unpleasant feeling - fear - protects us from excessive risks and in some situations even saves us. Embarrassment does not give us anything, but it deprives us of prospects, pleasant communication, and interesting acquaintances. Moreover, it enhances other dangerous qualities - you can become too insecure and susceptible to other people's influence. You also need to understand how not to be shy:

• create a favorable impression of yourself among others - shy people are intuitively perceived as weak, vulnerable, they are deliberately avoided, and you risk being left without a large number of acquaintances;
• not be afraid to refuse and not become a victim of other people’s manipulations - shyness is often perceived as a signal that a person can be ignored;
• establish productive communication with work colleagues, friends, loved ones, little and strangers - a confident tone and clear speech help in both business and personal matters.

So, let’s look at how to stop being shy and become a confident person actively participating in the communication process.

Reasons for shyness

Sometimes the discomfort of timid people is accompanied by panic. There are a number of reasons for shyness:

• Congenital character traits. From an early age, introverts are characterized by modesty, timidity, isolation and slowness, in contrast to extroverts.
• Example of parents. Children of shy people with complexes, as a rule, change these traits and problems.
• Upbringing. A feeling of insecurity in the family affects difficulties in relationships with other people and the outside world. Parents who are accustomed to not trusting others also fill their children's lives with a lot of restrictions and taboos. In addition, some mothers and fathers prevent independent exploration of the world and do not let the child leave them. Such children develop the habit of being in a safe environment, and the desire to communicate outside their comfort zone and new discoveries disappears. Abundance of criticism in the family, constant humiliation, etc., do not contribute to liberation.
• Low self-esteem. This is often why shyness occurs. Low self-esteem implies lack of self-confidence, underestimation of one's strengths, problems with full communication and a partial or complete inability to make decisions and participate in important actions for one's life.
• Lack of education and fear of getting into an awkward situation.
• All kinds of complexes.
• Conformity. Dependence on other people's opinions.
• Fearfulness.
• Fear. Many people are afraid of being judged, rejected or misunderstood.
• Loneliness and isolation from society. Some people lack the basic skills needed to communicate freely.
• Closedness.
• Psychological trauma.

How to Stop Being Shy? | Shyness

Knowing the factors can help in overcoming shyness. Unless this is normal embarrassment, shyness needs to be removed, step by step changing it to self-confidence, freedom of speech and action according to your heart and mind.

Advantages and disadvantages

As with any phenomenon, you can find both pros and cons in constraint. We are talking about shyness as a character trait, and not as a result of complexes and traumas. Among the advantages of modest people:

• They don't stand out from the crowd. A peculiar mask of shyness helps them remain anonymous.
• High sensitivity. The friendship and love of such people is deeper and stronger, because it is much more difficult for them to trust, open up and express their feelings. The power of the latter is powerful, and on the eve of this “tsunami”, shy people conduct careful analysis to decide whether to open up to a potential comrade or partner.
• Sophistication and aristocracy. These are the qualities that humble people often possess. Their shyness makes them appear serious, reliable, and incapable of causing pain or harm to others.
• Self-criticism and the ability to more adequately evaluate one’s “I.”
• Modest individuals listen more than they talk (and this is a valuable ability that can bribe almost anyone), they are non-conflict.
• Caution. Shy guys and girls are less vulnerable and more attentive than other people.

How to overcome self-doubt

In addition, they are picky in choosing their social circle. Shyness also strengthens family relationships and sometimes influences increased sensations from sex (for example, many men are more aroused by shy women). List of disadvantages of chained people:

• A penchant for the world of illusions - dreams, fantasies, books and films. This in itself is not bad, if only shy individuals can adequately assess reality and do not run away to other universes from this “cruel” world. The lack of an adequate assessment of people, relationships, and other things leads to deception and more terrible problems.
• Such people do not have sufficient assertiveness and arrogance, which make it easier to achieve success in any field.
• Shyness deprives you of classic forms of recreation and sources of joy: dancing, singing and, in general, expressing emotions. And feelings that are not lived through in a timely manner accumulate and ultimately lead to neuroses and depression.
• Inability to say “no”. Therefore, others often take advantage of this and ask to borrow money that they will not return soon or never at all, or they shift their responsibilities and work tasks.
• Problems with personal life. Despite the fact that modest girls are often interested in men, self-confident girls who can easily liberate themselves often receive more attention. And it’s even more difficult for modest guys, because, as a rule, they should be the leaders in the relationship.
• Excessive sensitivity and vulnerability. Shy people take everything to heart: any criticism or remark.

Another disadvantage is the difficulty in solving problems that require communication with outsiders. Likewise, shyness is not the best assistant in career growth, because individuals who have it are simply not noticed.

Veronica Stepanova. Social phobia. Psychotherapy.

Ways to overcome

Today, many books have been written, films have been made and advice from psychologists has been invented in order to stop being shy . 8 life hacks to learn to be more confident:

• Motivation: promotion, dream of singing in public, or a loved one.
• A change of scenery. You need to constantly move, include walks and travel in your daily routine. It is also important to create unusual conditions and situations for yourself.
• Fighting fears. It is recommended to make a list of situations and cases in which embarrassment is a hindrance. For example, “talk to a stranger on the street,” “give a talk to a class,” or “enroll in a modeling school.” Next you need to do what scares you. If it’s difficult, you can start with small steps - whatever comes easiest.
• Smile. She symbolizes a positive, laid-back and confident personality. You should start with the mirror, then smile at your family, neighbors, passers-by and colleagues. When smiling, you need to look into the eyes of another person. Most often, people reciprocate. This method improves mood and self-confidence.
• Speak slowly, little and loudly. You can try classes in a theater group or train on your own.
• Observation diary. Psychologists advise keeping a notebook and recording every situation that provoked anxiety and embarrassment. After this, you need to analyze what happened and take the necessary actions to ensure that the situation does not happen again in the future. An excellent and universal illustration is a request to stop the minibus. You need to write down the reason, evaluate the embarrassment in points and find a way to get rid of the problem: “Reason - people will pay attention; What if something is said in the wrong way or in the wrong tone. The level of embarrassment is 6 out of 10. The way to get rid of it is to set aside time on your day off to ride on five different minibuses and talk to the driver in each one. Then make it a habit."
• Group thematic trainings to combat shyness and other sections where you will need to constantly communicate with people.
• Constant communication with passersby. You can ask how to get to the nearest supermarket or what time it is. It is recommended to practice every day from 10 to 30 times.

It is equally important to love yourself. Self-confident people are also by no means ideal, but they, like no one else, know how to accept themselves as they are and love themselves. For them, worrying about a gap between their teeth, short stature or burr is a meaningless activity that such people do not even think about. The best way to join such individuals is to free yourself from your complexes.

Modesty, shyness, timidity... Pathology? What to do?

How to start communicating correctly

Having dealt with common mistakes, you can move on to effective methods of overcoming shyness. They require work on yourself, but the result is worth it.

Do what you love

One of the main secrets of an open person, communication with whom is a pleasure, is his genuine interest in any activity. It's simple: an enthusiastic person straightens his back and shoulders in the literal and figurative sense, his eyes light up, and everyone around him feels this high spirits, which, by the way, is just as contagious as a bad one.

Immersed in a favorite activity, a person, even the most reserved one, stops thinking about how he looks, concentrating on trifles and being shy about people - the focus of his attention shifts to something else. In addition, do not forget that the strongest friendships and the most valuable communication are established between people engaged in a common cause. This includes military service, being in the same team, and even regular walks with children or pets.

Feign self-confidence

At first glance, this is very strange advice: how can you depict something that does not exist? However, psychologists recommend not giving up this model of behavior, but trying it on yourself, temporarily shifting the focus from “being” to “appearing.” Nobody talks about pretending, let it be an easy game that will only benefit you: you need to evaluate your posture, manner of communication and facial expressions.

As a rule, closed people are characterized by perfectionism, which should be directed from the negative channel of constant self-criticism towards positive changes. You can copy the behavior of confident, sociable and pleasant acquaintances. Characters from your favorite books or films will also work. The main thing is to maintain individuality without blind imitation, adding a little someone else’s confidence to it, or better yet, creatively reworking it. Gradually, self-confidence will become a habit, and then even become a character trait.

Smile and speak more slowly

With the exception of professional speakers, few people pay attention to such simple points as speaking pace and smiling. Meanwhile, they have a huge influence on the subconscious of their interlocutors.

To be heard

Rapid speech, firstly, is difficult to perceive, can be slurred and illegible, which means that the interlocutor will have to listen to understand it. Subconsciously, this will cause irritation in a person, because he spends double effort: first, to disassemble, then to comprehend and understand. Secondly, an accelerated pace of speech immediately reveals a person who is insecure and nervous, which also reduces interest in what he is saying.

In order to enjoy greater trust from others, speakers recommend practicing at home: trying different pitches and tonality of your voice, looking for a suitable tempo. You should start by reading newspapers or books, and then move on to impromptu situations. Anyone who, having practiced in calm situations, learns to hide his excitement and express his thoughts beautifully, will certainly expand his circle of acquaintances.

Other life hacks

Continuing the list of how to learn not to be embarrassed by anything, it is worth paying attention to the opinions of others, stupid things, strengths and anxiety management. Read more about these and other methods:

1. Sense of humor. Its presence and development is a good helper in both ordinary and extreme situations.
2. Others don't care. In most cases, all people are busy with themselves and the excitement of others, their clothes or anything else does not matter to them. Worrying about those who don't care about you is pointless.
3. Sport. Boxing, swimming or football are not only about a healthy and beautiful body, but also about a tempered spirit and raising self-esteem.
4. Learning from the experiences of others.
5. Nonsense and harshness. You can offer a walk to a person you like. Or radically change your image. Buy yourself a motorcycle. Anything.
6. Strengths. It is recommended to make a list of positive qualities. Advantages can be found even in disadvantages. For example, a person has difficulty conducting monologues and dialogues, but he is an excellent listener. This is a very important communication skill that will come in handy many times in life. You need to combat your shortcomings by regularly reminding yourself of your magnificence.
7. Don't focus on shyness or label it. Even if the interlocutor notices difficulties, there is no need to be ashamed of yourself and talk about it as a serious problem. It is important to allow new acquaintances to form their own opinion about the person and notice other, more positive and interesting features.
8. Language of the body. There are a number of signs that tell others about an open and confident person: a strong handshake and smile, clear and loud speech, correct posture and eye contact. At the same time, these are signals not only for the interlocutors, but also for one’s own brain. This is a kind of deception that allows you to feel more comfortable and free.

The next step to overcoming shyness is focusing on others. One of the factors that provokes shyness is concentration on oneself and the impression made on others. Psychologists advise redirecting energy and the flow of thoughts to other people by asking questions, empathizing and being interested. Thus, worrying about one's own behavior becomes secondary.

Live in the moment

CONTENT:

According to psychologists, isolation is not so much a property of nature as a cocktail of shame and fear of rejection. There are much fewer naturally timid people than those who have had negative experiences in a group: at school, institute or section. As a rule, in the past, shy and reserved people have had a conflict with a group of peers, which at best resulted in ridicule, and in the worst case – boycott and fights.

Celebrities are no exception: for example, successful beautiful actress Jessica Alba was teased at school because of her accent, clumsiness and heavy jaw. Rihanna, who draws crowds of fans of her work, was attacked by her peers for the color of her skin, and the winner of 9 Grammy awards, Justin Timberlake, even fought with classmates, not wanting to share their passion for football. The list goes on for a long time. It is important to note that many “stars” believe that it was the stress they experienced in childhood that strengthened their character and helped them move towards their cherished goal.

Of course, everyone is different, and not everyone is ready to open friendly arms after being an outcast. However, don't focus on the bad memories: plenty of people have gone through the same thing.

Bonus tips and expert help

While some experts insist on the advisability of refusing to say “no,” others recommend saying “yes” as often as possible. And both groups of scientists are right. About this and other very accessible and effective methods of combating excessive modesty:

• "Yes". In the case of shy people, refusal is usually explained by an unreasonable fear of failure and the unknown. You need to learn to accept the opportunities that life offers.
• Anxiety management. Thematic literature or, for example, deep breathing techniques help to cope with this problem.
• Novelty. Every day of a fighter for emancipation should consist of new things.
• Visualization. If you imagine how a person acts in a certain situation in every detail, you can feel strength and self-confidence.

In some cases, shyness becomes painful, and a person (every tenth person on the planet) needs qualified help. If shyness begins to cross all boundaries, you need to choose one of the options for getting help:

• Psychologists.
• Group trainings.
• Coaches.
• Thematic positive films about successfully overcoming embarrassment and various achievements.
• Special books with practical advice.

Shyness is a fairly common phenomenon among people of all ages and nationalities. Shyness has a number of reasons (genetics, upbringing, low self-esteem, complexes, fears), as well as disadvantages and even advantages. But there are still more disadvantages, so many are trying to deal with the problem. For this, there is a lot of advice from psychologists, trainings, thematic literature and films. The main thing to remember is that it may take more than one month to free yourself from shyness. But if you act step by step, everything will definitely work out.

How to Stop Being Shy (Overcome Shyness in 60 Seconds)

The connection between sociability and personal relationships

Many people cannot find a partner only because they are very shy, blush and timid when communicating with the opposite sex. And therefore they are not able to taste all the joys of life, create a family, give birth to children, and so on.

That is why it is so important to seriously think about this issue, how to get rid of embarrassment and timidity, how to adapt to society in order to build a successful career, find your other half, and raise your offspring correctly.

Those who have overcome the fear of society will become much happier, so you need to increase self-confidence, eliminate embarrassment, believe in your strength, thank the Lord for every day you live and personal achievements.

If you don’t take your shyness as a cross for life, you can easily cope with it. And for this you need to work on yourself, learn new things, rewarding yourself for positive results.