Children of narcissistic parents often feel lost and alone. Throughout their lives, they are in search of love, which they did not receive from home. As a rule, such children expect support from their parents, in particular from the closest person - their mother, but they do not always find it.
There are several signs by which you can identify a selfish, narcissistic mother. This will allow you to detect a psychological problem in a child as early as possible and solve it in the early stages.
How to deal with senile egoism: advice from a psychologist
The older an elderly person gets, the more childlike he becomes. Previously hidden character traits appear, primarily negative aspects of the personality. Thrift can turn into greed, caution and suspicion can develop into paranoia, and flirtatious female capriciousness can turn into senile grumpiness.
What to do?
It is necessary to try to distinguish normal changes from pathological ones.
If you notice such oddities as your grandmother’s “disconnection” from the outside world, your grandfather’s conversations with aliens, or if you are accused of events that did not happen, you need the help of a specialist. Contact a therapist, neurologist, and then a psychiatrist or gerontologist.
Don't worry—changes in behavior don't often signal the development of a disease. Most often, this indicates that natural age-related changes are occurring, the notorious senile egoism and parasitism is beginning to manifest itself more clearly, and here a psychologist will help you.
In this state, the elderly person has no choice but to live for himself and try to manipulate his family as much as possible. After all, his field of activity is becoming increasingly limited, and his loved ones are always at hand.
You can’t afford to sit on your neck, but it’s also impossible to refuse the requests and satisfaction of small whims of the elderly. It is important at such moments to find a middle ground.
We need to get rid of selfishness
Empathy is one of the ways to get rid of or reduce the manifestations of senile egoism.
Somewhere you will have to indulge the whims, somewhere you will have to once again feel sorry for or praise the old man, to cheer him up.
The principle clearly works here: make others happy - you will be happy yourself.
A happy person perceives the world differently. If a happy person is accidentally stepped on on a bus, he will only smile or not pay attention to it at all. If a person is unhappy, tired, irritated, can you imagine what you can hear in response?
It’s the same at home: the old man is happy, and you are calm. It’s difficult, it doesn’t always work out, but you can still avoid many problems with the manifestation of senile egoism in this way.
If you cannot get rid of tension in the family that has arisen due to senile egoism, the advice of a psychologist will provide you with help and support. Go for a consultation.
It would be good to send your grandparents to a specialist, although, most likely, you will be refused such a procedure. Act unobtrusively, do not stop trying after the first resistance.
A psychologist will talk to older people, find out their problems, and simply become a vest into which you can cry, laying out your problems, fears, and dissatisfaction. And then, upon returning home, the relatives will no longer need to worry their nerves.
Read the material on the topic: Cataracts in the elderly
Doctors' opinion about senile selfishness
It turns out that attributing all age-related changes to senile egoism is wrong and even dangerous. Like the rest of the body, the human brain is subject to aging. Some parts of it begin to work worse, or even completely atrophy. This leads to senile dementia. Usually the disease is genetically determined, and environmental conditions can either speed up or slow down the processes.
1. Pick's disease . It can appear from the age of fifty. A person develops apathy and lethargy. The ability to generalize and comprehend is lost. Later, patients lose their life attitudes and become uncritical of themselves.
2 . Alzheimer's disease develops differently. It all starts with progressive memory loss. At the first stages, a person realizes this and can adequately assess the situation. In the later stages, the patient ceases to navigate in space, recognize loved ones, and later himself, seeing his reflection in the mirror. As a result, the disease leads to complete destruction of the personality.
3. A common disease among older people is senile dementia . At first, the disease develops unnoticed. Moreover, one can observe natural age-related changes, which we have already discussed above, that is, senile egoism. A person becomes picky, capricious, stingy, stubborn. The speed of mental processes decreases, thinking is impaired. Relatives see changes in the character of an elderly relative, but do not understand that the disease develops in this way, attributing this to manifestations of senile egoism. Meanwhile, the disease takes over more and more areas of the brain, the patient ceases to orient himself in time and space, and a complete collapse of the personality occurs.
Read the material on the topic: Alzheimer's disease
"Dead Mother Complex" by Andre Greene
The phenomenon of this kind of relationship was first highlighted by the psychoanalytic theorist Andre Green. The researcher called it the “dead mother complex.” The point, of course, is not that the parent herself dies or is absent; she is “dead” for her daughter psychologically, since she is constantly unavailable to her. In turn, this also has reasons - problems in marriage, death of loved ones, depression. Green believes that the "dead mother" plays a key role in the development of the child's psyche. Already in infancy, the baby receives impulses of aggression, anger, and anxiety from the parent. The child himself finds himself in the whirlpool of these experiences from the first months of life. It is good when the mother is aware of her own hostile impulses. Then, at least, the baby does not “accidentally” find himself in danger: he does not “inadvertently” fall from the crib; his mother doesn’t hit him when she “didn’t mean to” and so on.
The Himalayas should be a nature reserve, experts say
Two boards and ice cream sticks - and it turned out to be almost a real piano
What does my old cabinet look like after covering it with adhesive film: before and after photos
Don't stop us from growing up!
Anton Golovinov, eleventh grader: I can only sympathize with Kirill. Thank God my parents are not like that. I can’t even imagine how I could get out of this situation!
As for the trip, which was the reason for the main quarrel between Kirill and his mother, I can reassure the adults: the camp is not as scary as it is made out to be. I went to camps a couple of times with my classmates. I’ll say right away that nothing bad happened to us, although we didn’t do anything! They made a bungee on a tall tree, swung on it so hard that their heads were spinning, and jumped into the lake. We experimented with alcohol - we made “mash” from compote and sweets. We climbed into the girls' room through the window on the fifth floor. If my parents had found out about all these adventures, I would have been in trouble: house arrest for a week, a ban on communicating with friends... I don’t even know what else they could have come up with. However, I believe that all these measures are completely meaningless: dangers and temptations await children in the city, in the country, and on vacation with their parents. And in no case should you deprive a teenager of communication with friends, because this is the best thing that is remembered from childhood. I hope that the hero of the story will find the strength to talk to his mother and explain to her that he is no longer a child and her worries are only harming him.
How to behave with a loved one with a person who has senile selfishness
Living next to an old person is not easy. Due to age-related changes, their nature often becomes simply unbearable. You are torn between home, work, children, parents. But no matter what you do, your parents are not happy. You cannot keep up with their requests, decrees, demands. You get annoyed, your parents get annoyed. Conflict after conflict arises.
In this situation, no matter how difficult it may be, it is important to remember that senile egoism is a natural phenomenon, and old people cannot control changes in their condition through willpower.
All that remains is to be patient
Try to restrain your reproaches; attempts to correct the old person’s behavior are unsuccessful. It’s better to remain silent and smile in response to his attacks and whims. Do something that will make him happy. Maybe you need to hug him, or maybe treat him with delicious candy or ice cream. You know what your parent likes.
You shouldn’t go to the other extreme: indulge in everything and allow everything. Don’t give up your own interests for the sake of an elderly relative; he won’t appreciate it anyway.
So, what to do with senile egoism, the psychologist’s advice is as follows:
- Communicate kindly but firmly.
- Do not indulge the old man, do not allow yourself to be manipulated, but at the same time try to bring him joy.
- Remember that senile egoism is an inevitable age-related change in the character of a loved one, and he cannot change his behavior by a strong-willed decision.
- If there are signs of senile dementia, it is dangerous to leave an elderly person at home alone. He can do anything: start a fire, leave the house in an unknown direction and get lost, let in uninvited guests.
- Do not leave a child under the care of an old grandmother if she has even minor signs of senile psychosis. Firstly, such people exhibit various deviations. Secondly, an elderly person may be helpless to act as a nanny.
- If you cannot provide the old man with proper care, it makes sense to think about a caregiver. In the later stages of disease development, hospital treatment is advisable.
Experience of an Australian psychologist: external symptoms, deep causes
Here's what Sydney psychologist Jodie Gale says: “For 15 years I have been working on the emotional and spiritual lives of women. Very often girls would come to me suffering from symptoms such as eating disorders or relationship difficulties. Of course, their current problems can be alleviated. However, in such cases, a very long time must be devoted to ensuring that the woman psychologically separates from her mother (as well as from her father and other persons significant to her).”
The bouquet stood for no more than half an hour. His little son “corrected” him: photo
Coronavirus in cinema - experts have named a possible date for the opening of cinemas
Chinese Chen Haigang has not been sick for 30 years: he repeats the movements of a monkey
“This often takes a lot of time and requires a lot of effort from the client. A woman begins to think about who she really is, what her place is in society, and so on. She is often required to make a very large emotional investment. In the process of psychotherapy, she gets rid of those false attitudes that have been formed in her for years. As a result, the client accepts the fact that the mother cannot be changed. You won’t be able to get love and understanding from her, no matter how much you want it. The adult daughter accepts the parent for who she is and separates herself from her psychologically.”
Recommendations for parents
Psychologists advise mothers:
- Show care and compassion towards your daughter, not criticism. Don't be afraid to appear too vulnerable.
- Don't avoid discussing painful issues. This can create a feeling of isolation from each other.
- Try to listen to your daughter, ask what she would like from you.
- Appreciate her independence and sense of self-worth.
- Develop a sense of self-esteem in yourself. Do not rely on your daughter to meet your personal needs.
