About childhood psychotraumas and adult neurotics

Psychological traumas of childhood occur in almost every person, but for the development of some people they do not have a strong influence, while for others they are a factor in disorders of all aspects of the psyche. The depth of trauma depends on the individual psychological characteristics of the person, the frequency and duration of exposure to negative factors and the type of traumatic event.

It is best to correct serious psychological traumas with a specialist immediately after their occurrence or at the first opportunity, even if ten years have passed. Unprocessed psychological traumas leave unpleasant imprints on the psyche, behavior and state of a person: from shyness and depression to aggressiveness and destructive behavior.

Causes of childhood psychotrauma

The cause of childhood psychological trauma can be any event that has high significance in the eyes of the child. Sometimes it doesn’t even occur to adults that they are causing such trauma to the baby, but he feels in a very traumatized state. But the most common causes and factors in the formation of childhood psychotraumas can be divided into several groups:

Diseases. This can be either a serious illness with long treatment, or constant colds that limit the child’s joy of childhood. He feels helpless, weak, and worries that his unpleasant condition will last forever. Having matured and overcome the disease, a person often becomes overly attentive to his health, constantly looks for some symptoms, undergoes examinations and begins to worry that an ordinary runny nose can develop into something more serious.
Violent actions by adults. Often parents, trying to “raise a real person” and wanting the “best” for their child, constantly put pressure on him, using methods of psychological and physical violence: shouting, ignoring, physical punishment. Sexual violence can be highlighted as a separate line, the consequences of which can only be dealt with by specialists with psychotherapeutic education. As a result of violent actions, a child develops fear, self-doubt, low self-esteem or aggressiveness and hatred of the whole world.
Betrayal by adults. Divorce of parents, injustice towards the baby and towards each other are the most common reasons from this group. A person develops a feeling of guilt and difficulties in relationships with society.
Absence or serious lack of parental attention to the child. If in early childhood he does not receive love, affection, acceptance, care and tactile contact, then in adulthood he will have difficulty showing such actions towards other people, which will complicate his interaction with people, especially with the opposite sex and his own children.
Death of a relative. Such an event turns the child’s life upside down, as a result of which he withdraws, stops communicating, and changes his worldview. Here the consequences can be very different. It will be better if the child copes with them under the supervision of a psychotherapist.
Parental dependence. A child left to his own devices and constantly feeling responsible for adults rarely grows up to be a psychologically healthy person.

What are childhood psychotraumas and what do they lead to?

Trauma of “abandonment”

Occurs at an early age (from 0 to 1 year), in the absence or insufficient physical contact of the child with the mother. A small child does not yet separate himself from his mother, including physically, and the lack of contact causes severe anxiety and fear.

We are not talking here about the periodic absence of the mother, but about rather long moments of separation. For example, the practice of separating mother and child after childbirth, the nursery system from 10 months, long-term illness of the mother, etc.

What does it lead to?

It underlies addictions (in various manifestations) and psychosomatic disorders. A lack of basic confidence leads to constant doubts, fears, and difficulties in making choices.

Trauma of “rejection”

Occurs when communicating with a “cold” mother. Such a mother may be physically nearby, but not emotionally involved in the child’s life, not be in psychological contact with him. This may be due both to her current state (postpartum depression, conflicts with a partner, acute stress due to financial problems) and to her own neurotic traits.

What does it lead to?

To a feeling of uselessness, inability to express one’s feelings and be in close emotional relationships. If the child is a girl, then she can also grow up to be a “cold” mother.

Trauma of "deprivation"

It occurs when the child’s needs are ignored (parents do not respond to the child’s crying, devalue his fears, and do not take into account his psychological and physical characteristics). But this is not necessarily a lack of reaction - for example, an overprotective (overprotective) mother may ignore the child’s need for independence.

What does it lead to?

The habit of devaluing your needs, “deafness” to your body, lack of contact with desires (“I don’t understand what I really want”).

Trauma of "Betrayal"

It occurs when a child is disappointed with his parents, whom he idolized, most often we are talking about a parent of the opposite sex.

A feeling of betrayal occurs when a parent prefers someone else or simply “leaves” contact (into alcohol, work).

A variant of this trauma is the “dethronement trauma” (A. Adler’s term), which occurs in an older child at the birth of younger children who receive all the attention of their parents. Often the trauma of “deprivation” is also added here, when the child is suddenly asked to suddenly “grow up” and help in raising the younger ones.

What does it lead to?

Loss of a sense of trust, alienation or, conversely, attempts to please others. Hypercontrol (to foresee everything and avoid betrayal in the future).

The Trauma of Sexual Seduction

Occurs when adults use a child or adolescent to satisfy their sexual urges. One of the most severe and most often “repressed” traumas from consciousness.

What does it lead to?

Almost always causes serious emotional and sexual disorders.

Injuries associated with physical violence

They occur when a child is systematically abused by adults or other children.

What does it lead to?

To a chronic feeling of insecurity, addictions, victimized behavior (as an adult, a person may unknowingly enter into relationships in which violence or bullying will continue).

“Humiliation” injuries or narcissistic injuries

They arise when parents do not react positively to the child, as if conveying the message: “on your own, you are not good enough to deserve our love, you must live up to the image, function correctly.”

Our mentality has a tradition of scolding and shaming children a lot (for everything: from showing emotions to grades), so what was started by parents often continues in kindergarten and school.

What does it lead to?

To a constant feeling of inferiority, the desire to assert oneself through success (to finally prove one’s worth to parents), a constant background feeling of shame, intolerance to criticism and the desire to compete, including in personal relationships.

This list is far from complete, but I think even in it, almost every adult can find something that could have happened to him in childhood.

Childhood psychotraumas make us neurotic, but we ourselves continue to remain neurotic, of our own free will.

To put it another way: “the main thing is not what was done to us in childhood, but what we do now with this experience.”

Types of psychotrauma

All psychological trauma in childhood can be divided into 5 groups:

The trauma of rejection. This type includes betrayal, ignoring, expulsion, and jealousy of parents towards their siblings.
The trauma of a relationship breakup. This includes serious conflicts, quarrels, phrases from parents like “you are no longer my daughter,” “I don’t want to see you,” “consider that I am dead for you.”
Trauma of loss. These are the losses of close relatives to whom the child is attached.
Health related injuries. A serious diagnosis in which adults are constantly worried, and the baby himself experiences various kinds of troubles associated with treatment: pain, fear, defenselessness and helplessness.
Trauma of violence. From an early age, a feeling of injustice, a constant feeling of fear and helplessness, a lack of personal psychological and physical boundaries.

Who is to blame if a child comes home from school with bruises and fractures?

Children's falls and bruises at school are as common as snow in winter. Schoolchildren from 7 to 17 years old across the country find themselves in trouble every day. Often, both teachers and school administrators are afraid to take responsibility for a student’s injuries, and throw it onto each other. And an injured child may be left to his own devices. We read parent forums and tried to answer the most important questions, and also compiled an algorithm for actions when an injury turns out to be more serious than a scratch or bruise.

First grade. Newsletter

Valuable advice and invaluable support for parents of first-graders

“It’s a fourth grade physical education lesson, children are tumbling one after another on the mats. The teacher tells my son to stop and wait. He stops, sits on the mat, a boy (weighing one and a half times heavier than me) rolls onto him from behind and falls on his son’s hand. The result is that my child has a bone fracture between the elbow and wrist; he needs to wear a splint for two weeks. The fact of injury was recorded. Who is guilty?".

Who is responsible

While the child is on school grounds, responsibility for his life and health always lies with the school; this is established by law (Articles 32 and 51 of the Law “On Education in the Russian Federation”). Ensuring safety is the responsibility of school employees both during classes and during breaks between them (order of the Ministry of Education and Science of March 27, 2006 N69). The Family Code (Article 56) specifies that the teacher is responsible for the child during lessons, and the teacher on duty is responsible for the child during breaks, before and after lessons.

“Today the eldest son returned from school and said that he was playing with a boy during recess, he pushed him hard and the son, falling, hit his face against the wall. Everything happened during recess in the corridor, and the teacher was in the classroom. Result: two front teeth are crumbled, but they are no longer baby teeth. Now we need to restore teeth, build them up, and this requires a lot of money, and most importantly, the child is in pain and cannot eat. What should I do in such a situation?

What should a parent do?

. In writing, urge the director to conduct an internal investigation of the situation and issue you an accident report, if one occurs. Parents also have the right to ask the administration to punish the guilty teachers, check the safety of the premises, and find out whether the necessary rules are being followed.

. Record the fact of injury. To do this, you need an accident report issued by the director, or a record of the child’s examination at the emergency room.

. Demand reimbursement of treatment costs and compensation for moral damage caused to the child. The amount of compensation for moral damage is determined by the court, as well as the degree of guilt of the person who caused the harm.

“My son came home from school with a severe bruise of the soft tissues of the periorbital region (bruise, swelling, abrasion). The injury occurred during a physical education lesson. None of the teaching staff in the evening, when I picked up the child from school, could answer the question “what happened.” According to his son, during a physical education lesson, a classmate ran into him while his son stood still. Who should I ask: what happened in class? In what cases are school employees required to contact the student’s parents?”

What should the teacher do

First, report the injury to school officials. Secondly, you need to call your parents and try to talk about the situation as objectively as possible, avoiding evaluative remarks, including phrases like “your Vasya, as usual, ran at breakneck speed.” But avoiding an apologetic tone: “I didn’t save your son, Maria Ivanovna.” Try to calm the child if he is scared, organize medical assistance and, of course, do not create panic.

12 signs of a good teacher

The school administration must draw up an injury report and send it to the Education Department.

“The teacher calls me at about four o’clock in the afternoon and tells me that my daughter collided head-on with a girl during a physical education lesson and hit her nose. The physical education teacher sent my daughter to the doctor, accompanied by two girls. They came to the doctor’s office, but there was no doctor - he was working until half past three. We decided to look for our teacher. While we were walking up and down the floors, her nose began to bleed. They found a teacher and provided my child with medical assistance: they put ice on his nose. They called me at work. While I was in a taxi, I called an ambulance. We were taken to the trauma department with a suspected broken nose and head concussion. I have questions: is there any approved procedure for action in this situation? Why did I call an ambulance for my child, and not those people who saw the condition of my child? Why did my daughter walk around the offices and floors and look for someone to give her first aid? And what is it - they sent a child accompanied by the same children?

What should a healthcare worker do?

First aid to an injured child should be provided by school doctors. If the injury requires more serious intervention or if doctors are not on site, the administration or one of the medical staff is obliged to call an ambulance. Doctors must describe the injuries (type, nature, severity) in the patient register and issue the victim’s parents with a certificate with a preliminary diagnosis, as well as give recommendations for care. Report the incident to the police.

“Last week, the child fell (he says it was during a break during pre-school training), hurt his knee and began to limp. Since the pain and lameness did not go away within a day, I was frightened and decided to take him to the emergency room. There the doctor said that it was just a bruise and that there might be a limp for three days. And today for some reason the police called me about this bruise and asked about the circumstances of the fall. Why are they interested in this?

What should a police officer do?

After receiving a report of an injury, the police officer must interview the victim, his parents and the person who caused the injury (if there were two or more participants in the incident). Find out from the parents of the injured child whether they intend to file a complaint or lawsuit. Request that the Department of Education review compliance with school safety measures.

“Before the holidays, a boy came home from school with a black eye. He said that he got into a fight with a classmate. Someone said something to someone, someone pushed someone, and a fight broke out. The “fighters” exchanged several blows, then their classmates pulled them apart and persuaded them to make peace. The mother applied cold to the bruise and considered the incident over. Three days later she was called to the school principal. It turned out that the parents of the second fighter took him to the emergency room, recorded a hematoma on his face, and wrote a statement to the police and the school principal. The boy is now almost registered in the children's room. The mother is in shock, doesn’t know what to do, her son’s bruise went away without being fixed. I offered myself as a witness. This is fine? Maybe now we should race to the police with every scratch?”

If the children got into a fight

It is important to remember that even in this situation, responsibility lies with the school administration and the teacher on duty. Therefore, the algorithm of actions begins with the same thing: first you need to establish the fact of the teacher’s guilt or lack thereof. At the same time, the parent needs to find out the details. Then inform the parents of the second participant about what happened, without humiliating or insulting either them or their child. And try to find out the causes of the conflict and resolve it. If the parents of the second participant do not make contact, ask a teacher or school psychologist for help.

Anger management: what to do if your child is always angry

If it turns out that one of the children deliberately beat the other, and the second received moderate or severe injuries, then the offender, if he is over 14 years old, may be subject to criminal liability.

Moderate to severe injuries include:

. Loss of vision, speech, hearing or any organ or loss of organ function;

. Abortion;

. Mental disorder;

. Facial disfigurement;

. Loss of general ability to work by at least one third;

. Complete loss of professional ability to work.

If there are mitigating circumstances and the incident occurred for the first time, most likely, criminal punishment will be replaced by educational measures. In cases where the injury is too severe, a suspended sentence. In addition, the child will be registered with the juvenile affairs department.

“At recess, the children walked with the teacher. Two first-graders had an argument and one pushed the other. He hit a glass cup display and severely cut his knee. The teacher did not notice anything and, only when she went up to the classroom, she saw that the boy’s trouser leg had ridden up. She asked him to fix it, but there was blood. As a result, there was an ambulance, an emergency room, and the child’s wound was stitched up. Now he goes for dressings and sits at home. When my mother asked how this happened, the teacher said (literally): “I don’t know, I turned away and didn’t see anything.” After which the teacher said that parents must pay for the display. Parents are silent because for some reason they think that the child might be expelled from school. Who is right and who is to blame for what happened? What should parents do?

What can a victim claim?

In case of physical or psychological injury, parents can sue the school administration, but only after they prove that the child is not to blame for what happened. At the same time, the fault of the school means neglect of children at the time of harm. If a child is injured while at school, parents can claim compensation for expenses associated with the treatment of this injury (Article 1087 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation).

The amount of compensation for moral damage is determined by the court depending on the nature of the physical and moral suffering caused, as well as the degree of guilt of the one who caused the harm. If guilt is proven, the court will oblige the school to pay the student’s family a sum of money.

If the guilt of a school employee is established, the director can reprimand or reprimand the culprit, or even fire him. When the director is at fault, the district Department of Education is responsible for him. And, of course, parents don’t have to pay for any window displays.

Symptoms of psychological trauma

Each child experiences psychological trauma from childhood individually, but all signs can be divided into two large groups: psychological and physiological.

Psychological symptoms

These are sharp and sudden changes in the child’s behavior and emotional state that appear after a traumatic event.

sudden mood swings;
guilt. Children express it with the words: “it’s because of me,” “if it weren’t for me, this wouldn’t have happened”;
anxiety. It can be noticed by its behavior: the baby hides his eyes, tries to be invisible, constantly fiddling with something in his hands, and performs obsessive actions;
feeling abandoned. Manifests itself in the phrases “no one loves me”, “I am left alone”, “no one can help me”;
confusion and impaired concentration. The child cannot concentrate on the actions being performed and is constantly distracted by his thoughts;
isolation. The child does not want to talk even with those with whom he previously enjoyed communicating, does not rejoice at the arrival of friends, and does not engage in communication with familiar peers.

Physiological symptoms

These are changes in behavior. Concerning physiological processes.

sleep disorders. The child has trouble falling asleep, wakes up at night, suffers from nightmares;
cardiopalmus
increased fatigue and decreased performance;
muscle tension;
fussiness in behavior.

If you have several signs at the same time, you should contact a psychologist for advice and diagnosis of the baby’s condition.

When we feel powerless

Many of us watched the film “White Bim Black Ear” as children. It is constructed in such a way that while watching the film you become attached to the image of this dog. Then, when a tragedy happens to the dog, you really want to change something, but you absolutely can’t, because it’s a movie.

However, this does not matter for your psyche. Feelings are feelings. And at this moment you experience the most terrible powerlessness . Trauma will not happen if an adult or friend helps you cope with your feelings, or if you fantasize about a different ending or how to deal with the authors of such a movie.

Consequences of psychological trauma

Psychological traumas that arose in childhood and were not worked through with a specialist lead to serious consequences, some of which are quite unexpected.

Adult abuse often leads to eating disorders, including obesity, bulimia and anorexia. This is due to the fact that a person tries to enjoy food from childhood, but is often not ready to accept his body, which changes in size. The more he worries about his body, the more he eats. Only specialists can break this vicious circle.
Parents with addiction are raising a psychologically traumatized child who tries to keep everything under control, has a hard time getting used to new conditions and people, is afraid to make mistakes, relax and just have fun. This usually happens when a child, from early childhood, has to take on the non-childish functions of adults in everyday life.
Emotional abuse. The child cannot protect himself from caustic statements, is afraid to express his opinion and thoughts, and feels constant anxiety before saying something. Such a child grows into a corresponding adult: shy of his own opinion, with the fear of being rejected due to a minor mistake in statements.
Abuse and physical violence. Having learned from childhood to please others for the sake of their own safety, a person in adulthood does not know how to refuse, is easily manipulated and does not know how to set psychological boundaries.
Lack of choice. If from a young age a child did not have the opportunity to choose, and was constantly subjected to criticism of his desires and pressure from adults with the words “I want what is best,” then, having become an adult, he is no longer ready to make this choice. He often gives in to any persuasion, even if it goes against his own views, plans, needs and desires.
Parents' divorce. Children in most cases feel guilty about this event. As a result, when they become adults, they place excessive demands on themselves and on their future partner, which sometimes causes difficulties in finding their own spouse.

Difference between mental and psychological trauma

Psychological trauma is a shock after which the emotional background changes, but mental damage does not occur. That is, a person does not contact people for a long time, cries, and gets offended. But after independent recovery, he continues to live without strong negative feelings.

Mental trauma – events leading to mental disorders:

reluctance to get close to other people;
constant fear of the future;
thoughts of suicide;
pain on the physical and mental level when remembering the past;
deterioration of health due to negative emotions (increased blood pressure, fainting, depression);
aggressive behavior, use of violence, negative attitude towards people;
frequent depression.

If the damage is psychological, the patient can cope on his own or turn to loved ones for support. Gradually, all unpleasant memories will completely disappear, leaving only a slight upset.

In some cases, psychotrauma can develop into a mental disorder. This happens if the patient becomes fixated on a negative memory and cannot let it go. It affects his life.

Mental trauma requires treatment from a psychiatrist. Help from relatives can lead to deterioration in well-being, constant feelings of guilt, and depression. The sooner you seek help, the higher the possibility of full recovery after completing the course of therapy.

Stages of experiencing psychotrauma

There are 5 stages of children experiencing psychological trauma:

Negation. The child is in shock, he is not ready to accept what is happening to him at the moment, so his psyche is trying to defend itself. For example, a baby refuses to believe that his mother does not want to notice him because of some kind of misconduct.
Anger. The baby sees that what happened is quite real. He disagrees, gets angry and angry, and can even destroy and break everything around him. If the situation does not change and the mother continues to ignore him, then after an emotional outburst there is a transition to the next stage.
Bargain. The kid is trying to come to an agreement: “Mom, I’ll be good,” “Mom, please talk to me, and I’ll fix everything.” If the mother remains adamant, the child begins to truly grieve.
Grief. The baby cries and sobs, realizing that the old relationship cannot be returned.
Adoption. The baby learns to live with the fact that the relationship with his mother has changed and will no longer be the same.

Of course, in the example presented, the situation is a little exaggerated, and the injury caused by ignoring is not caused at once, but through periodic repetition. But with any injury, the child goes through these stages. The more serious the injury, the longer the stages extend over time.

Fears from our childhood

“In a black, black city, there is a black, black street. On a black-black street there is a black-black house. In a black-black house there is a black-black apartment. In this black-black apartment there is a black-black room. In a black-black room there is a black-black table. On a black-black table there is a black-black coffin. A dead man crawls out of the coffin and shouts: “Give me my heart!” While going through an old file, I came across the magazine “Pioneer”, which my mother subscribed to us as children. I waited every month for its release only because of two sections: “Drum” (this is a kind of forum, as they say now), and horror stories. Memories from childhood came flooding back to me...

Our older sister read these horror stories to us at night. I remember we slept two at a time (I grew up in a large family). I “got” Lenuska, the youngest. I was generally a rather timid child. What can I say about the impression these stories made on me. Therefore, after these terrible stories, I simply needed to feel someone’s presence, so to speak, something alive... I could only calm my fear by hugging my sister. But Lenka didn’t like it. Therefore, we often had to bargain. Fortunately, I grew up as a smart child, but Lena didn’t like to study, so we found a compromise: she allowed me to hug her, and I promised her to do her homework. Problems, as a rule, arose during the holidays - then we had to limit ourselves to Murka or Jessica.

Oh, I somehow forgot... It's time to sleep. I'll look at the magazine tomorrow. And my son is already snoring in the next room. She made the bed, changed clothes, turned off the light, and lay down. Dark... Creepy... Oh, what is this? Something green is blinking. Phew, the computer speaker is on fire... I need to turn it off, otherwise I won’t sleep. Just as I was about to get up, there was a knock... I understand perfectly well that these are neighbors, but some kind of fear came over me, that I was afraid to get up. Screw this column! So I'll fall asleep.

Turned over to the other side. And the green light continues to burn in the mirror of the dressing table. I covered myself completely with a blanket. No, it’s even more scary, and it’s hard to breathe. The child told me: “Let’s get a cat or a dog!”

She got out of her “hiding place”. And again the memories came flooding back... It once happened that all my sisters and brother were studying in the first shift, and I was in the second. Therefore, on those days when I didn’t go to music school, I was alone at home in the mornings. But for me it was like a punishment. As soon as everyone in the household left, I would find some “spot” on the wall and sit, frozen, until my mother arrived. It is clear that there could be no talk of cleaning the house or dinner, for which I often received slaps on the head from my mother. At those moments I was offended and annoyed: how could my mother not understand that there was a “red spot” there! Yes, I’m afraid to move, let alone walk around the house!

The memories made me feel a little funny. “Kirill is already five,” I thought. “When he goes to school, he’ll start having these stories.” Yes, it turns out interesting. What seems like a disaster to us as children, seems like such nonsense to adults!” Here all pleasant thoughts evaporated. The darkness took its toll again. Hmm, it’s like I said there: “Does adults think such nonsense?” I felt ashamed... I’m 27 years old!.. But I’m still scared. Turned over to the other side. Again the column... But it’s not about her anymore... The fear did not go away. Just like in childhood. There is only one salvation - to drag your son to you. Oops! What about education? I barely taught him to sleep alone! It's big already! It seems that he stopped asking... Education is education, and fear is fear. “And besides,” I justify myself, “the child is only 5 years old, and he sleeps alone in another room!” What if he's scared? And mom isn’t around?”

Plucking up courage, feeling my way along the walls, I finally made it to the nursery. She didn’t turn on the light so as not to wake up my son. She carefully took Kiryushka in her arms and pressed her to her chest. He twitched a little, but did not wake up. It was no longer scary to go back. It even seemed somehow lighter. They lay down and hugged. Here it is, mine, dear. Knock-knock-knock, heart beats... What? Black Tulip? A coffin on wheels? Red spot? Black hand? Some kind of nonsense, nonsense! And I wasn’t scared at all! Hm! Honestly! Yes, that's me! What are you talking about?! Hmm... Look, what a hero I have! How can anything scare him?! My, dear, beloved! Sleep! Sleep. Sleep…

Svetlana Sapaeva,

What are the dangers of childhood psychological trauma?

Any injuries, regardless of type, have a serious negative impact on the process of children's socialization. The child has difficulties making friends, communicating with new people, adapting to new conditions and teams. In a child with psychological trauma, the psyche is prone to the formation of obsessions, fears and social phobia.

The consequences of childhood psychological trauma in adults manifest themselves in a high risk of developing depression, in which a huge sense of guilt can destroy all aspects of their lives.

Childhood traumas in adulthood, according to psychology, due to the stress experienced, develop into obsessive-compulsive disorders, characterized by the performance of strange defensive actions under the influence of illogical obsession.

Psychological help to overcome a child’s trauma

To prevent the occurrence of psychological trauma in a child, parents need to think through a plan for his upbringing down to the smallest detail. You can’t let your emotions take over during quarrels. It is important to control every word that an adult says to a child. The main task of parents when raising a child is to create a cozy atmosphere in which there will be a place for care, affection, learning and calm explanation of controversial situations. Adults need to be able to resolve difficult situations, and not let them take their course.

If the education system has failed and signs of psychological trauma have appeared, it is necessary to have an explanatory conversation with the child. It should be carried out by a child psychologist or teacher. After talking with the baby, you need to talk with the parents and find out the reasons for the conflict. It is important for the specialist to prevent a similar situation from reoccurring in the future.

How parents can help their child

The main thing that parents can do to help a child if he has psychological trauma is to change the strategy of his educational influences to a more benevolent one. To do this, you yourself need to come to a sufficiently high level of psychological and pedagogical knowledge. The main task is to create a comfortable environment for the baby in which he can fully develop and socialize without experiencing anxiety and fear.

To be confident in the correctness of your actions, as well as for more specialized help on how to overcome childhood psychological trauma, you need to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Psychotrauma of adolescents at school

For most people, psychological trauma occurs during the school period.

At this time, there is a large burden on the emotional state for the following reasons:

the emergence of a new team, which is not united and aggressive;
students who study worse feel weaker than others;
a heavy workload that not every student can cope with;
bullying - bullying, aggression towards a child who is weaker than other students;
poor relationships with parents who are dissatisfied with progress and grades received;
the child is very busy and goes to extra classes and clubs after school;
negative attitude of teachers who show aggressiveness inappropriate for their position;
unrequited friendship, love, sympathy for other children.

Most people have unkind memories of their school years. For them, this is a stressful condition that they cannot cope with. Due to the negative state during school years, the patient may subsequently behave aggressively towards other people, not want to get close to them, or work.

In addition to common causes, there are rare cases that can cause lifelong injury:

death or serious illness of a school friend;
violence, beating of the patient by other students or older people within the school walls;
sexual abuse by other children or teachers.

Parents should suspect such injuries if there is a sudden change in the teenager’s mood or behavior. If help is not provided in a timely manner, there may be consequences for his psyche. For example, he will not be able to come into close contact with other people.

The parents' reaction should be calm so as not to frighten the child. He is convinced to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist.

If there is complete reluctance to see a doctor, parents help cope with the emotional shock on their own. They should become a support, constantly support. They spend more time with the child to make him feel needed.

Methods of psychological assistance to a child with psychotrauma

How to get rid of childhood psychological traumas? In most cases, the child is helped by the following methods of psychological work:

Different types of art therapy. In drawings, fairy tales, and modeling, the child is freed from negative emotions, expresses his feelings, and has the opportunity to look at the situation from different angles.
Sand therapy. Allows you to relax, put yourself in the shoes of other participants in events, and play out various options for resolving a particular situation.
Group work. Suitable for children over 10 years old. The child, seeing that he was not the only one who had to endure traumatic situations, feels psychological support and becomes more self-confident.
Behavioral therapy. Helps the child reinforce ways to prevent trauma in their behavior. For example, a child learns to resist bullies who use psychological violence.
Cognitive therapy. Allows the child to learn to put cognitive processes above emotional ones, as a result of which he becomes less susceptible to psychological trauma.

How to deal with this?

You can only deal with trauma through acceptance. Through the idea that it will never go away, but you can treat it and learn to live with it.

It's like if you break your leg and your bone heals, there's always a trace. The more complex the fracture and the less professionally you were treated, the greater the likelihood of some consequences in the future. But no matter how small the fracture, no matter how good the doctors work with you, the mark will always be there.

And then you need to know more about your trauma than any psychotherapist knows, because it’s up to you to live with it. You need to study it, look at it closely and purely and accept it as part of yourself.

For example, knowing that you have self-esteem trauma , you should not ask people to criticize you, because this will always be painful for you. Or if you need criticism, then you need to know where you will go next to calm down and how you will blow on the wound.

If you have the trauma of early loss , you need to learn to notice how you push people away in advance, how you are the first to abandon everyone, because intimacy for you is the risk of a new loss. Notice how you argue with your husband if he goes out to sit with friends, because for you it resonates with that experience.

After physical violence and especially sexual violence, it is vitally important for you to constantly understand whether you want a hug at the moment, whether it is now possible for a person to touch you. You may think that your sex will only happen when you suggest it.

Working with adults who have experienced childhood trauma

Adults often turn to a specialist with various symptoms, the cause of which, during deep psychotherapeutic work, turns out to be psychotrauma received in early childhood. In this case, it is also possible to work through them and, thanks to this, improve the quality of a person’s future life.

Empty chair technique. The psychotherapist asks the patient to imagine that a significant person with whom traumatic events are associated is sitting on an empty chair opposite him. This way a person can express his emotions and feelings, thereby working with his own trauma. He is also invited to sit on this empty chair and be that person, answer his questions on his behalf, try to explain his behavior. This technique helps a person relive all the events, but under the control of a psychotherapist, who in time will be able to direct the course of the situation in a less traumatic direction.
Schematic therapy. Using techniques such as dialogue, role-playing, journaling, and behavioral skills training, the therapist changes the person's self-perception, helps overcome fears, and corrects the patient's desire to avoid unpleasant situations.
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This is a special technique that helps get rid of the patient’s habitual reaction to psychological trauma. The essence of the method is that a person, observing with his eyes some moving objects, tries to focus on his internal sensations associated with the injury. At the same time, both hemispheres of the brain work simultaneously, as a result of which painful memories become less traumatic.

Psychological trauma of childhood: stages of therapy

Today I will give you a brief plan for self-therapy of psychological trauma, and it does not matter whether it happened a long time ago, in childhood or in the recent past of adulthood.

Create fields of support and love to heal the soul from childhood trauma

The main rule of working with trauma is to create a field of support, never work with trauma completely alone.

Conduct preliminary analytical work with a knowledgeable person, such as the author of this blog.
Write down the main stages of work on paper, start working on freeing the soul by working on accepting feelings: fear, pain, anger.
Give yourself permission to cry while dealing with trauma.
Attend psychotherapeutic groups where a field of acceptance and support is created.
Be sure to work on healing and accepting your Inner Child.
Do some of the work, at least several times, especially on the treatment of scenes of violence, with the support of a psychologist.
Prepare yourself for a long and painful healing process.

It is not always necessary to work with childhood trauma through experiencing traumatic situations and scenes of violence; then I will give you the main stages and forms of work.

Forms of work and stages of treatment of psychological traumas of childhood and past

Here are the main stages and forms of working with mental trauma in free order, since the necessary sequence of working out each technique and each method of therapy must still be determined by a specialist .

Technique for blurring the past. Sometimes traumatic childhood situations are so painful that each new memory-immersion only intensifies the pain. It is for such situations, recorded in the subconscious, that the fogging technique is needed.
Healing the Inner Child. Any technique is suitable, many of which are described on this blog. Plus, the audio meditations I recorded a few years ago are very good and will strengthen your inner confidence to cope with other painful artifacts of childhood.
Acceptance of forbidden feelings. Very often, during the course of violence, important, basic emotions were suppressed or denied. Such as pain, crying, fear or anger. It is important to work on accepting them and learn to express them freely. Again, look for techniques in the sections of this blog that begin with the word “Self-therapy.” A knowledgeable psychologist will help you determine which emotions are prohibited or rejected - contact us.
Re-recording traumatic scenes of violence. There are many techniques and methods here. This includes the introduction of a magical assistant, letters from the future, and work with subpersonalities. The basic principle of rewriting - its essence - is presented in the diagram above. The main thing is to create a fork in the subconscious and switch it to a new vision of the scene in which there was no trauma; rather, on the contrary, maximum support and feelings of security were provided.
Written techniques for working with mental trauma . These are letters of forgiveness and gratitude, keeping diaries and logbooks of states, thoughts, deep-seated beliefs, working with drawings, clay and plasticine, followed by drawing up a written report.
Techniques for working with the subconscious. This is work aimed at attracting internal resources and assistants, animals of power and the use of magical objects, techniques for initiating power and directed dreaming.

This is not a complete list of techniques and techniques for self-therapy and psychotherapy for childhood trauma. If the mental trauma is serious, I recommend taking advantage of my New Year’s offer and starting work on healing the soul immediately after the January holidays.

New Year's promotion from a happiness psychologist: healing the psyche with a 62% discount

I offer to purchase my 3 most popular services in 2015 and earlier with a 62% discount - it was taken from the numerological values of 2020 (8) and 2020 (9) and the age that the happiness psychologist reached (45) in the past year.

3 popular services from a happiness psychologist

These are the products from the psychologist of happiness

Audio meditation on healing the Inner Child. What a wonderful work of strengthening the strength of the “I” and self-therapy for a soul wounded by trauma.
3-month subscription by correspondence with a happiness psychologist. An excellent analytical and supportive tool in working on mental trauma. Plus 1 Skype session as a gift.
4 online sessions on working with trauma. Not necessarily with trauma, but I initially offered this kind of work for analysis and changing the life scenario with a 20% discount.

Total 3 tools from a happiness psychologist for a total amount of 34,690 rubles. It is clear that I am offering such a fat discount (minus 15,290 rubles) to a limited audience, since there is a lot of work to be done on my part, so only the first 5 buyers will take advantage of this delicious New Year’s offer of mine.

We will begin trauma psychotherapy immediately after the New Year holidays and will continue until April 1, after which we will smile and breathe deeply from the soul freed from trauma.

Psychological trauma from childhood? Write to a psychologist!

My tips

The main wish for parents is to protect the psyche of their child from early childhood. Try to build a behavioral strategy with him in which the baby will feel comfortable:

feel loved and needed;
not feel humiliated;
not be subjected to psychological and physical violence;
know that almost any problem can be solved together with loved ones.

It’s a good idea to teach your child to express his feelings: “I’m angry,” “I’m sad,” “I’m sad,” so that if a traumatic situation arises, he can express everything that he is experiencing. This will help get rid of excess stress.

It is also worth teaching your child safe ways to express negative emotions: scribbling on a sheet of paper, tearing paper, beating a pillow.

If you have questions about how to behave correctly in the event of psychological trauma in a child or about ways to prevent it, you can contact a psychologist, for example, who is on staff at the educational institution that the child or teenager attends.

Passive-aggressive behavior

Sometimes, when children grow up in families where “unhealthy” expressions of feelings are present, they grow up with the conviction that expressing, for example, rage and discontent is categorically unacceptable.

If children witness violently expressed feelings of rage, they begin to think that rage is a violent type of emotion and such feelings should not be tolerated. Perhaps children grow up in a family that suppresses any dissatisfaction of the child, and the parents teach the child that it is on the list of feelings that he should not experience. Children begin to avoid expressing their feelings directly, but because they cannot truly suppress their rage and resentment, they express their feelings through passive-aggressive behavior.

This “psychological move” is later used in an adult. If you are unable to express dissatisfaction as adults, which can happen, the answer is probably already obvious: nothing. We will continue to feel dissatisfaction, after all, dissatisfaction is a natural, healthy reaction that a person experiences, but instead of analyzing the reasons for what caused dissatisfaction and solving the situation, childhood psychological trauma forces us to remain angry or express everything through aggression.

The child should be allowed to express his feelings, be it rage, dissatisfaction or anger, because they are only a response in the form of an emotional reaction. This is to allow parents to understand their reason and origin. And who else but emotionally mature parents are able to help their children achieve emotional balance.

Psychological techniques

To visit a psychotherapist, an adult should pay attention to his general condition. The alarming news is:

slow development;
problems communicating with other people;
inability to empathize, sympathize;
problems with understanding the world in general;
frequent depression;
despondency;
living with memories;
emergence of dependencies.

Complex treatment can only be prescribed by a specialist. The most popular psychological techniques are:

Observing a pendulum. A person needs to focus on his experiences, problems, negative memories, and follow the swinging pendulum with his eyes. This method helps reduce the tragedy of negative events from the past and their impact on the present.
Empty chair. Psychological method of communicating with an invisible interlocutor. A person needs to imagine that someone he trusts is sitting on the chair in front of him. After the introduction, the patient needs to lay out all the depressing moments from the past to an invisible interlocutor. The past will recede, clarity will appear in the present and future.
Schematic approach. The psychotherapist advises the patient to keep a diary in which he will record experiences, emerging fears, and describe stressful situations. In addition to the diary, the psychotherapist conducts entertaining and informational conversations with the patient. This is how fear of social relationships, surrounding people, and building new acquaintances is overcome.

An integrated approach helps to quickly correct the current situation.