It is known that a cry is born with a person. And it appeared much earlier than speech. This is an attribute of human self-preservation. Even the ancients understood that if a fellow tribesman was lost, then his loud cry would be heard far away and they would come to the rescue. If there is danger or something happens, then by shouting you can attract help and scare away the enemy. Through a cry, a person expresses his deepest feelings and emotions, instincts.
Parents' confusion
Most parents are unprepared for such changes. What happens to the child takes them by surprise. Even if the baby has an older brother or sister and the parents have already gone through something similar, a nervous child who always throws tantrums creates an unbearable atmosphere in the house. Parents, frightened by the thought that their baby may have serious health problems, seek help from experienced friends. However, few people decide to turn to a specialist and get advice from a child psychologist.
The advice given by ordinary people in such cases is of the same type. Most are inclined to think that the child simply needs to be “asked the right way” so that he knows how to behave. However, such methods are not beneficial. The child becomes nervous and freaks out even more, literally leading loved ones to a nervous breakdown with his behavior.
Not the best ways to deal with a child's tantrum
According to experts, through howling and crying, a child can also try to find the boundaries of what is permitted. If a baby gets used to the fact that he can get anything with the help of a cry, then the vector of his behavior in the future is distorted, which leads to difficulties of a psychological nature. Without boundaries, the baby ceases to feel safe, so it is very important to refuse the child. But this needs to be done correctly.
Many parents choose the safest and simplest path, yielding to the child in all his whims. However, establishing a ban on any action is very important. It is equally important to be consistent and continue to adhere to this prohibition. Once you give in, you show your baby a chance to lead you, even if the motive was such bright feelings as a feeling of pity or tenderness for the child.
A stressful situation suggests another simple way - diverting the child’s attention. However, over time, parents notice that the effectiveness of this method decreases significantly and at some point it no longer helps. According to psychologists, it is not worth distracting a child who is hysterical for the reason that it only postpones the problem, but does not eliminate its source.
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What should parents do?
Not paying attention is perhaps the most sensible advice that can be given to parents who are going through their child’s first crisis with them. It is worthwhile to forget for a while about what is right and wrong, and allow the child to gain his own experience. Within reason, of course.
“I myself” is the phrase parents now hear most often. I’ll dress myself, I’ll eat myself, I’ll go for a walk myself. And it doesn’t matter that it’s +30 outside, but the child wanted to wear warm leggings outside. Negotiations with a stubborn baby will end in violent hysterics. The best thing to do in this situation is to simply allow your child to wear what he wants. Let him go outside in warm leggings. Just bring light clothes with you, and when your baby gets hot, change him. Along the way, he explained that the sun was shining now, and he needed to dress lighter.
A similar situation occurs at lunchtime. A child may want to eat sweet semolina porridge, dipping a salted tomato into it. Trying to feed him “correctly” will only lead to him refusing both. Let him eat what he wants and how he wants. If you can't look at it, just don't look at it.
Give your child more freedom and don't treat him like a toy. He is a person just like you, and he also has the right to make mistakes. Your task is not to protect him from all troubles, but to help him gain his own life experience. Of course, it is much easier to dress a child yourself than to wait for him to do it himself. Just take a little more time to get ready. In addition, try to listen to the opinion of the child himself. After all, he is also a person and has the right to be listened to. If it's lunch time and your child refuses to eat, then most likely he is not hungry yet. Meet him halfway. Most likely, he will soon get hungry, and you will have no problem feeding him.
Gilles de la Tourette's syndrome
Tourette's syndrome , or convulsive tic disease , or Gilles de La Tourette's disease is characterized by the presence of tic-like movements and auditory tics. How does Tourette syndrome manifest and what are the symptoms and signs of this diagnosis? The first symptoms appear between the ages of 3 and 17 years. More often, tics appear in the eye, cheek, and facial muscles. Later, generalized tics of the arms, neck, legs, and torso may appear. These motor or motor tics may not be accompanied by vocal or sound tics for several months or years. After some time, sound tics are superimposed on motor tics. The child begins to make involuntary sounds : he begins to grunt, shout out sounds, syllables, click, croak, grunt. The volume of sounds increases over time. And the child begins to involuntarily shout out words - at home, on the street, at school, when studying and doing homework, in the morning, during the day and before bed. And if a boy or girl shouts obscene swear words, then studying in a regular school is already extremely difficult, since it is no longer possible for a teacher to teach a lesson. The child screams wildly with obscenities. In this article, for ethical reasons, we cannot give examples of swear words, but in our many years of practice we have encountered small patients, when communicating with whom, untrained adults who are not familiar with Tourette’s syndrome, figuratively speaking, “wither their ears.” The father and mother are terrified, and all the symptoms are increasing. The screams become frequent and very loud. People around him think that this is an ill-mannered child, but this is a child suffering from Tourette syndrome who swears. Coprolalia is characterized by shouting obscenities and swear words. How to deal with Tourette's syndrome? How to treat Gilles de la Tourette's disease? How to calm a screaming child? Unfortunately, it is impossible to calm a screaming child with Tourette's disease, since the child cannot control himself, and the screaming occurs involuntarily. In this case, Tourette's syndrome must be treated.
Establish contact with your child through play
Games for 2-year-old children are the main way of interacting with the outside world. To the question: “What are you doing?”, a child of 2-3 years old will probably answer: “I’m playing.” The child plays constantly. If he has toys, he will play with them. If there are no toys, he will invent them for himself.
Parents often complain that their child has a lot of toys, but almost never plays with them. Most often this happens when toys are lying around, disassembled and broken. The child simply forgets about them.
In order for a child to remember his toys, they must be in sight. To do this, it is best to keep them on open shelves. It is better to place large toys on the floor so that the baby can easily reach them. Place medium-sized toys directly on the shelf. This is where they will look most attractive.
Place all kinds of small items like small cars, Kinder Surprise figurines, beautiful pebbles found on the street in small boxes. On top of each box, place one item from the ones it contains. This way the child will understand where whose house is.
Useful tips on how to teach your child to speak more quietly
When your baby talks loudly, try not to comment or criticize. Try one of the methods:
- State your own feelings
. Sit down at your baby’s level and calmly say, “I can’t stand screaming, honey. It gives me a lot of pain in my head." Instead of shouting loudly, ask to use a quiet voice or whisper. - Refuse to shout back
. When a child screams loudly, parents often start screaming back. Usually such “education” does not bring results - the child realizes that whoever speaks louder is right. But if you use a little trick, you can achieve very big results. Turn the crook into a game: “Let's both scream as loud as we can,” and join the child in screaming as loudly as possible. The next step is to turn the volume down to minimum: “Now it’s time to find out who can speak better in a whisper.” You can switch to other actions not related to your voice - cover your ears with your hands, jump up, squat. - Teach tact
. Does your child squeal to make a request? Come up with a signal that tells your baby: “Wait until I finish.” A similar role can be played by a raised hand or index finger. Explain the meaning of the gesture in advance. When he screams again, do not reward him with a pause in the conversation, but show a signal, end the dialogue and only then turn your head towards the little one. Did he manage to wait for an answer? Give praise and come up with a reward. Ignores the signal? Remind again of the meaning of the gesture and continue to test the technique.
Remember to lead by example. Watching how you interrupt your husband or other people, or get what you want by shouting, your baby will repeat this behavior. So don’t just raise your voice and behave like one.
Do not give your child all toys at the same time
If a child does not see all his toys at once, then he will remain interested in them longer. If there are too many toys, collect some of them and hide them. after some time they can be shown to the child. He will start playing with them with no less interest than with new ones. Of course, you should not hide those toys to which the child is very attached. Some should be stored where they are most often used. For example, your daughter's toy kitchen utensils can be stored in a special box in the kitchen. This will keep your own kitchenware safe.
Your son's toy tools can be kept next to his dad's. When your child asks for a hammer or drill, give him his own toy tool. It is better to store bathing toys in the bathroom, and it is better to place the ball he plays with outside in the hallway.
Create activities for your child
Perhaps your child is constantly naughty because he is simply bored. He is still very small and cannot always figure out how to play with this or that toy. To keep your baby busy, have a special box for all sorts of interesting little things. At the right moment, you will remove a ribbon from the box, from which you can make a leash for a stuffed dog, in which he has already lost interest, or a scrap for a new dress for a doll.
During games, your baby tries to stay closer to you. In his games, he will gladly accept your offer of help, but he is unlikely to want to be told what to do. Games for 2-year-old children involve all kinds of research, experiments and new discoveries. You should not try to explain to him the purpose of this or that toy or rush to answer a question that he himself has not yet been able to clearly formulate. This way you can ruin everything. Try to give your child the opportunity to be a leader in his play and follow him.
Help your child, be his partner
Your baby may have an idea for something, but will not be able to carry it out due to the fact that his physical capabilities are still very limited. Help him, but don't do everything for him. For example, he planted a tree branch in the sand and now wants to water his “flowerbed.” Help him carry a jar of water to the sandbox, but do not pour the water yourself. After all, he wants to do it on his own. If you deprive him of this opportunity, then a scandal will inevitably arise. The child has not yet learned to correctly express his negative emotions, so hysterics often occur in children. 2 years is an age at which not all children can still speak properly. Unable to provide compelling arguments in defense of his position, the kid throws a tantrum.
Many games are simply impossible to play on your own. You cannot catch or roll a ball if there is no one to throw it, you cannot play catch if there is no one to catch you. Often children have to beg their parents for a long time to play with them. After much persuasion, they reluctantly agree, but after a few minutes they say: “Well, that’s enough, now play yourself.” Or, when agreeing to play, they announce in advance that they can only give the child 10 minutes. After this, the child does not so much play as he fearfully waits for the promised minutes to end and for him to be told: “That’s enough for today.” It’s clear that you won’t be able to play all day, but sometimes it’s worth pretending that you really want to. Give your child the satisfaction of finishing the game when they want. Games for 2-year-old children are their very life.
Tip #4: Prioritize
“If you want to raise good children, spend half as much money and twice as much time on them.” Esther Selsdon.
In 90% of cases, child aggression is the result of a lack of attention and care. Parents are constantly working, immersed in daily affairs and worries, and meanwhile the kids are left to their own devices. Yes, no one argues that in this way you are trying to do everything possible for your children. After all, you always want to give them as much as possible. Elite school, expensive things, cool toys.
But the problem is that young minds perceive your absence as an unwillingness to spend time with them. And in reality, they do not need newfangled gadgets, but the love and attention of mom and dad. Do you want your child to ask you in a couple of years: “Mom, why didn’t you love me?” No? So, set your priorities correctly.
What to do if your child is hysterical
No matter how carefully you treat a two-year-old child, sometimes situations arise in which it is impossible to avoid hysteria. Unfortunately, a small child (2 years old) often freaks out and is capricious. Sometimes he has tantrums. According to statistics, more than half of two-year-old children are prone to hysterics and outbursts of rage. For many, this happens several times a week. Children prone to hysterics are usually very restless, smart and know well what they want. They want to do a lot of things and have a very bad attitude towards adults’ attempts to prevent them from doing this. Having encountered an obstacle on his way, a small child (2 years old) often freaks out and is capricious, wanting to achieve his goal.
Having fallen into hysterics, the baby is unable to control himself. He doesn't see or hear anything at all. Therefore, all objects that get in his way usually scatter in different directions. The child may fall to the floor and scream loudly. When falling, it may hit the floor or furniture hard. Parents are usually perplexed; they don’t understand why the child is freaking out, because just now everything was fine. The baby may scream until he vomits. At the same time, parents find themselves in a state close to panic; they do not know what to do if the child is nervous and disobedient.
It is very difficult for parents to observe such pictures. Especially when the child turns very pale and it seems that he is about to lose consciousness. True, he won’t cause himself any serious harm this way. His body's protective reflexes will come to the rescue, forcing him to take a breath long before he can suffocate.
Why do babies like to talk loudly and squeal?
A new mother may be very surprised at how diligently and with what pleasure her child can scream. There are two logical explanations for this behavior:
- Exploring your own voice
. If a toddler increases the volume of his voice, he does not want to fray your nerves. He's simply exploring the power of his own voice and trying to figure out how to control it. Probably when a child screams loudly, he is doing it just for fun or playing. - Attracting the attention of parents
. This behavior is typical of children, especially firstborns, who have not yet become acquainted with alternative ways to draw their mother’s attention to themselves. When a child squeals, interpret it as “hey, look here.” And children are also jealous. Seeing how the mother is talking enthusiastically with her friend, the baby will try his best to get into the spotlight.
Take these factors into account when trying to calm a very loud child.
How to help your child
First of all, you should try to organize the child’s life so that he does not have nervous overload. If a child has become nervous, the symptoms will be visible immediately. These are frequent outbursts of rage. When these outbreaks become too frequent, they will not lead to anything good. If you forbid something to a child or force him to do something that he is not very pleased with, then try to be as gentle as possible. Do not try to keep your child within strict limits. Trying to protect himself, the child will throw tantrums regularly.
Sometimes parents hope to improve the child's condition by giving him sedatives themselves. Moreover, they “prescribe” the drugs themselves on the advice of relatives and friends. This is strictly not recommended. Only a doctor can prescribe sedatives for children. 2 years is an age at which a child is still extremely vulnerable; uncontrolled use of medications can harm him.
If your baby is hysterical, watch him closely to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. During a tantrum, the child’s mental state is such that he may not remember what he did while he was rampaging. To prevent him from hurting himself, try to hold him gently. When he comes to his senses, he will see that you are next to him and the scandal he created has not changed anything. Soon he will relax and fall asleep in your arms. The little monster will turn into a baby who needs affection and consolation. After all, this is still a very small child (2 years old). He often freaks out and is capricious, but at the same time he desperately needs your love, affection and consolation.
There are children who absolutely cannot stand it when someone tries to restrain them during hysterical attacks. This only makes the hysteria worse. In this case, do not use force. Just try to make sure your child doesn't hurt himself. To do this, remove all breakable and easily broken objects from his path.
Don't try to prove anything to a hysterical child. Until the attack passes, absolutely nothing will affect him. If your child is hysterical, don't yell at him. It won't make any difference. Some parents, trying to bring the child to his senses, begin to beat him. Usually this not only does not calm him down, but, on the contrary, makes him scream even louder. In addition, you can miscalculate your strength and injure the baby.
Don't try to explain anything to a screaming child. In a state of extreme irritation, even an adult is difficult to persuade. And what can we say about a two-year-old child? After he calms down, don't start the conversation first. Many children perceive this as a concession, and the screaming may begin with a vengeance.
It’s better to wait until the child comes to you. If he approaches you, hug him, caress him and act as if nothing happened.
Often parents are horrified at the thought of their child “throwing a concert” in public. They are ready to make any concessions, as long as he does not become hysterical. This practice leads to completely opposite results. Children are very observant and know very well how to manipulate their parents. Don't be surprised if your child starts having tantrums regularly and in the most inappropriate places.
Let your child understand that he will not achieve anything from you with hysterics. If he became angry because you forbade him to climb a high ladder, do not allow this after he calms down. If before the start of the tantrum you planned to go for a walk with him, go as soon as there is silence and do not remind the child of anything.
Most children's tantrums are designed to have an audience. As soon as you go to another room, the screams miraculously stop. Sometimes you can see a rather funny picture: a child screams with all his might and rolls on the floor. As soon as he discovers that there is no one nearby, he becomes silent, then moves closer to his parents and begins his “concert” again.
How to stop a child from crying for any reason?
Child's cry. Tears. Bitter sobs. Moreover, in a seemingly empty place, at the most, a real punishment for parents, at a minimum, a test. Testing for parental competence.
22 186450 June 7, 2014 at 04:43 pm Author of the publication: Olga Knyazeva, educational psychologist
Child's cry. Tears. Bitter sobs. Moreover, in a seemingly empty place, at the most, a real punishment for parents, at a minimum, a test. Testing for parental competence.
How do parents react if a child likes to cry over trifles? Based on my own observations and monitoring of parent forums, I conclude that there are not so many ways. Another thing is that in most cases, the method of how to stop a child from crying for any reason is chosen intuitively by the parents or taken from the arsenal of old grandfather’s methods. And there would be nothing wrong with this if the main task was not an attempt to find the “switch off button” of a child’s crying, but the desire to understand the true reason for seemingly causeless tears.
Why look for a reason, the main thing is to not cry
In the collection of parental education methods on how to stop a child from crying for any reason, we find: ignoring tears, holding serious conversations on the topic “crying is stupid”, giving positive examples, if a boy cries, then appealing to the fact that “real men don’t cry ", we visit a neurologist and arm ourselves with drugs that calm the nervous system.
Threats and manipulation like: “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll leave you here,” “Stop crying, otherwise I won’t buy you a chocolate bar,” switching the child’s attention: “Look at these elephants,” as well as direct physical violence and punishment complete the picture of enforcement measures educators to solve the difficult problem of how to stop a child from crying for any reason.
Most often, parents achieve their goal: the baby stops crying, however, the price of resolving the issue remains behind the scenes. True, not for long. We will definitely reap the deplorable fruits of our upbringing mistakes, even if we have no idea what was the root cause of the child’s negative life scenario.
As you know, ignorance does not free us from the consequences of ignorance. When we do not realize what we are doing, we do not see the internal distinctive features of the child, then we cannot predict how our methods of education will work on him, how they will affect his psyche. System-vector psychology eliminates gaps in parental knowledge.
A trifle or not a trifle?
Let's start with the basics: all children are different not only in external characteristics, but also differ in internal mental properties. What is not important for one person may be the meaning of life for another person. The life values, type of thinking, and behavior of our own child can be radically different from our own. So, for example, the ordinary loss of an old toy is perceived by some parents as a trifle, tears about which, at the very least, are a waste of time. For a child, say, endowed with a visual vector, the loss of a toy is a real tragedy.
From memories
When I was a child, I had a favorite stuffed bunny, and somehow I couldn’t find it in its place. Either the brother played unsuccessfully and covered his tracks by throwing the bunny into the garbage chute, or the neighbor's children came to visit, but after a long search the toy was not found. My bunny Vasya has disappeared.
“Ah-ah,” I cried.
The parents came to the screams.
- Just think, I lost a toy - what a small thing, we’ll buy a new one.
- I don’t want a new one, I want Vasya!
My parents didn’t understand what was going on in my soul, a girl with a visual vector. It was not just a toy, old and worn, it was my friend, to whom I told my fairy tales, whom I cared about, whom I loved. My parents' persuasion had no effect on me. If the words don’t reach my daughter, then let her sit alone in the room and think, the mother decided.
“As soon as you stop crying, you can go out,” she said.
I sat for a long time, crying not only from the loss of Vasya, but also from resentment. It’s good that my grandmother came to visit, she took pity on me, sympathized with my grief, and gave my parents an order:
- He’s crying, so let him cry. Don't punish her for crying.
Mom began to complain:
- So how not to punish? Doesn't understand words, cries for any reason and for no reason. I have no strength to watch.
- When it grows up, it will stop.
Vulnerable, sensitive children
Children with a visual vector have a special sensitivity and emotionality by nature. They are able to create close emotional connections not only with people, but also with toys. The loss of a toy for a visual child is a break in communication, an irreparable feeling of loss. And when parents make another mistake - they urge the child not to cry, not to worry, thereby causing him yet another psychological trauma.
The correct development of the visual vector implies the development in the child of a sense of compassion and empathy. First - in relation to yourself, to the lost toy, then - in relation to all living things.
Beating a visual child so that he does not cry is a sure way to preserve the visual vector. Switching to something else, distracting, ridiculing what is happening, explaining logically, demanding to stop crying, threatening, intimidating - also means leaving the child’s visual vector unfilled, undeveloped and unfulfilled. Such a person will not be able to become fully happy and, accordingly, give happiness to the people around him.
The visual vector under stress manifests itself in hysterics, various fears and phobias.
conclusions
If you are concerned about the question of how to stop your child from crying for any reason, then before listening to the good advice of others, you should understand what internal mental characteristics your baby has. Before children learn to clearly voice their desires, children's crying is an indicator of the child's well-being.
If a child cries, then he feels bad (physically or mentally). No matter how we ourselves assess the situation through the prism of our own ideas. For example, a baby cries when they change his clothes - the mother may be irritated and indignant at this behavior, because she is changing his dirty underwear to clean ones. In reality, it’s just a toddler with an anal vector who experiences discomfort (cries) from everything new and unusual.
Parents' fears that the baby is manipulating the parents' behavior by crying in order to get what they want, despite the prohibitions of adults, must be distinguished from the child's real need for something. Sometimes children use crying to try to reach their parents, to convey their needs to them, but they are not heard or understood.
As children grow older, their vectors become more clearly visible, and crying for any reason is a manifestation of the visual vector. Viewers tend to “make mountains out of molehills” in order to fulfill their role in society - to create culture, to create beauty, to sing of love.
Children need to be given a chance to develop their visual vector. Including through reading books that give the opportunity to sympathize with the characters through the expression of sympathy for what is happening in life. Calling on the viewer not to cry, not to feel is tantamount to calling “not to live.”
Children are waiting for our understanding, the right approach, then there will be fewer problems with them, or even no problems at all. Join free online lectures by Yuri Burlan, and you will be able to better understand your child, his behavior and yourself, and forget about children's whims. Register here
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Proofreader: Olga Lubova
Author of the publication: Olga Knyazeva, educational psychologist
The article was written based on materials from the training “System-vector psychology”
When is it time to go to a child psychologist?
You should contact a psychologist if your child’s tantrums become too frequent and become protracted. In particular, they do not go away, even if the child is left completely alone. If parents have tried all the methods, but still cannot overcome tantrums, then it’s time to seek advice from a child psychologist. In order to find a good specialist, ask your friends who have already been helped by a child psychologist. Reviews will be a good guide for you. In addition, it is worth visiting a pediatric neurologist. This doctor will order the necessary examinations and, if necessary, prescribe sedatives for children. 2 years is the age at which natural herbal preparations are most often recommended.
Sometimes the reason for children's tantrums lies in family troubles and lack of agreement between parents. Even if parents never quarrel in front of the baby, the baby still feels the nervous atmosphere and reacts to it in his own way. As soon as they come to an agreement, calming their thoughts and feelings, the child’s tantrums immediately stop.
Being a child is just as difficult as being an adult. But time is still on our side. Very soon you will find that the two-year mark has been passed, and all the hysterics are far behind you.
Treatment of Tourette's syndrome in Saratov
treating Tourette syndrome in children and adolescents, as well as adults in the city of Saratov for many years The disease is very serious, complex therapy in many, but unfortunately not all, cases can reduce the manifestations of the syndrome and eliminate generalized tics and vocalisms. If your child involuntarily shouts out sounds and words, be sure to consult a doctor. If your boy yells in kindergarten or school, then you need the help of a specialist. The earlier treatment is started, the greater the chance of restoring the child’s health.
In the following articles we will focus on the topics: “How to restrain yourself and learn not to yell at a small child? How to stop yelling for your baby? How to stop a child from swearing? Sign up for a consultation. There are contraindications. Specialist consultation is required.
Text: ® SARCLINIC | Sarclinic.com \ Sarсlinic.ru Photo: © vasilisa_k / Photobank Photogenica / photogenica.ru The people depicted in the photo are models, do not suffer from the diseases described and/or all coincidences are excluded.
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