In communication between people there are invisible energy threads that can actually be turned first into thick threads, and a little later into steel ropes. Today we’ll talk about the nuances of communications using golden principles from the legendary psychologist. The main secret of communicating with people from Dale Carnegie - this will be the topic of our conversation.
Often we simply lack self-confidence, and in our heads we build a web of personal perceptions from strangers. The result is a virtual negative attitude that does not correspond to reality, but over time we ourselves turn thought forms into reality through absurd actions. Just for the optimal effect, you should smile at your interlocutor, show sincerity of intentions and identify common interesting topics to strengthen relationships.
Dale Carnegie - master of psychology and personality development
The American professor of public speaking filled the halls at his lectures on effective communication at the start of the twentieth century. Dale Carnegie and his complete course of training in communication techniques gives the answer to a simple question: are we “getting too greedy.” The quality of life has really improved, but it’s never enough for us.
In fact, people lack quality communication, they are closed in their inner “worlds” and open only when it is beneficial for them to communicate with people, but deep down they do this with reluctance. The master of influencing other people did not think that a century later his teaching would be as necessary to people as air. But his truths are too simple, and we have been taught to complicate our lives from birth.
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Success lessons from Dale Carnegie that everyone should know
Success lessons from Dale Carnegie that everyone should know. 1. Inaction creates fear. “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit at home and reason. Get out of the house and take action.” Take action today! If you have a good idea, try it. Inaction begets more inaction, and action begets more action. One thing I know for sure: if you want to achieve success, you must take active action, so start taking action now! 2. Use your time effectively. “Instead of worrying about what people say about you, why not use your time trying to do something they admire.” Spending time thinking about how other people perceive you is a huge waste of precious time. Focus on creating something special and people will definitely admire you. 3. Failure is a stepping stone to success. “Learn from mistakes. Disappointment and failure are the two most important steps to success.” Often those who suffered the greatest defeats also had the greatest victories. You must use disappointment and failure as a tool to take you from the pit to the palace. 4. We define our happiness. “Happiness does not depend on any external conditions; it is determined by our psychological attitude.” Happiness is a choice; it is not based on what is happening around us. It is based solely on what is happening within us. Happiness is based on the thoughts we pay attention to in the present moment. Dale Carnegie said: “It doesn’t matter what you have, who you are, where you are, or what you do to be happy or unhappy. What matters is what you think about it.” 5.Remember, everything you do contains a message. “There are only four ways of our contact with the world. We evaluate and classify everything according to four criteria: what we do, what we look like, what we say and how we say it.” Everything you do contains a message. The way you dress and the way you style your hair contains a message to others. This is how you somehow want to express yourself, trying to convey something to others. For example, a beautiful slim figure means that you love sports, have an active lifestyle, and are a supporter of a healthy lifestyle. A business suit can say that you are a businessman, an enterprising person, value trust, etc. This can be used in reverse as well. Repeat, “copy” the behavior of successful people and you yourself will become like that! 6.Do what you like. “People will not be successful unless they enjoy what they do.” If you want to be successful, don't do something for money. Money does not provide enough motivation to overcome all the obstacles that arise on the path to success. If you want to be successful, then spend your time doing things that bring you pleasure. Then you will enjoy your success. 7.Take risks. “A person who is willing to go further than others is usually brave and daring.” You must take risks! To achieve success, you must sometimes accept the risk that you may find yourself in difficulty or fail. Carnegie said, “We all have opportunities we don't even know we have. We are capable of doing things we can’t even dream of.” But if you never make up your mind, you will never know your potential, your capabilities.
Books that help you communicate effectively and influence people
One of Dale Carnegie's first books was How to Win Friends and Influence People. The title is very loud, but the truths in the work are simple. When communicating with any person, start by focusing on your own mistakes, criticize only by offering a specific way out of the situation. The art of communication lies in the ability to find advantages in your interlocutor, as well as take into account his interests, so we found a topic for a wonderful conversation.
In our country, communication often runs parallel to bad habits, but it is important to remember that everything is good in moderation. In any situation, remember, a person wants to prove himself to be the most significant figure, so let me do this within a harmless framework, then mutual interest will sharply intensify. Dale Carnegie’s work “How to Become a Master of Communication” also entered the lives of educated readers brightly.
Start with nutrition and lifestyle.
Very often, the appearance of excessive anxiety and worry is associated with certain periods of life, with diseases or hormonal disorders. Therefore, you should be careful about your health.
It is necessary to improve the nutritional structure, increase the amount of raw vegetables and fruits, and reduce the amount of simple carbohydrates - sugar. Sugar is the main enemy of health. And most importantly, it is able to influence our mood. After receiving a dose of sugar, the mood improves, performance increases, but soon, after the sugar level drops, lethargy appears, the mood becomes nonexistent, and the brain demands more sweets.
Perhaps it makes sense to buy a complex of vitamins and microelements, dietary supplements to increase immunity and vitality of the body. Start moving more, get outside more often. Give up alcohol and smoking, which provoke many diseases and reduce the body's defenses.
If anxiety and anxiety become so strong that they really begin to interfere with life, then you need to turn to specialists.
Book “How to become a master of communication”
Are you able to call the person you are communicating with by name, with what intonation do you pronounce his name? It is necessary to do this with ease and warmth, know that his soul lives in a person’s name, and the magic of controlling a person begins with the sounds that he absorbed with his mother’s voice. You cannot become a master of public speaking if you do not know how to hold the interest of the audience, so develop the skill of creating a kind of ball inside which is the essence of your conversation with your interlocutor or group of people.
If you don’t know how to smile, then stay at home in front of the mirror and study, watch the cartoon “Little Raccoon” and move on to new acquaintances and effective communication.
Now for a sensation, Dale Carnegie and his main secret of communicating with people. It's very simple, it's important to be a great listener. Anyone who is able to listen to an interlocutor, friend, or potential business partner will always find something to answer in a positive and creative way. Then just don’t get into an argument and give your interlocutor the laurels of the leader of the situation, even if your interests do not suffer. Develop goodwill and the ability to be as sincere as possible. Dale Carnegie’s books provide a number of practical exercises that will teach you to instantly relieve mental stress, that is, to bring yourself to “clean” contact.
What causes feelings of anxiety and restlessness?
Anxiety and worry are derivatives of fear. Fear is a special development of nature, designed to preserve life and health of living organisms. It is he who makes the antelope run with all its might when it is pursued by lions. And very often it saves her life. It is fear that forces us to behave carefully on the road - and this most often saves life. However, there are situations that stretch over time and then momentary fear develops into new feelings - anxiety and restlessness.
Feelings of anxiety and restlessness are usually associated with certain events that may occur in the future under a certain set of circumstances. It is impossible to predict exactly how they will happen and what exact consequences they will cause. And this unpredictability makes you constantly replay various stories in your head. And the most interesting thing here is that the more these stories are played out, the more terrible they begin to seem. Sometimes this can result in serious mental disorders, depression, even murder and suicide. And this, as a rule, is much more terrible than those very terrible expectations.
If you notice that feelings of anxiety and restlessness often take hold of you, then it’s time to reconsider your life priorities and attitude towards events, people and things around you.
TOP 5 rules that will lead to effective communication according to Carnegie
At the first stage, remember the golden rule of three greetings: call the person by name, smile, be sincere. The second rule will not surprise you, look at the subject of conversation through the eyes of the interlocutor, keep the focus on yourself from him. The third rule for those who like to pull the blanket on their own side: switch to conflict-free communication, don’t argue, let your interlocutor feel important.
The fourth rule deserves an Oscar, but you can’t overplay the game. Organize a performance, a presentation with non-standard moves, improvise within the framework of a pre-prepared communication model. The fifth rule is sacred, never violate the boundaries of your opponent’s integrity, if you fail at the first stage, simply admit your mistakes, and then communicate, smoothly screwing into the depths of the conversation like a gimlet.
How to win people over and get them to do what you want
Carnegie did not call to become a manipulator, but taught to be persuasive. If you want to please people, inspire trust, and get what you need, use the tips below.
If you know you're wrong, admit it
By admitting guilt quickly and decisively, you make the other person feel important, thereby increasing their self-esteem. After this, the interlocutor has no choice but to accept a forgiving position and show mercy to you.
Start a friendly conversation
If you start a conversation being annoyed with the other person, you will probably have a great time venting your negative feelings on him. But will a belligerent attitude and contemptuous tone be able to persuade your interlocutor to your side?
When you come to a person with fists, you will see fists in response. When the interlocutor is negative, you will not be able to persuade him to your point of view, no matter how logical the arguments are. Try softening your approach by starting the conversation in a friendly manner and maintaining a calm tone. Have at least five minutes of pleasant conversation before discussing a sensitive issue.
Get your opponent to say “Yes” at the beginning of the conversation.
At the beginning of any conversation, be sure to tell the other person that you are both striving for the same result; your differences lie in method, not in purpose. Get the person to agree with you as soon as possible. This way he will become open to dialogue.
The key is to prevent your opponent from saying no. A person who says “no” automatically goes into a state of defense, the level of perception decreases, he becomes focused not on the dialogue, but on whether they will agree with him or not.
Let the other person talk
During communication, there is often a temptation to interrupt the interlocutor in order to speak out. Carnegie strongly recommended against doing this. A person will not pay attention to your arguments until he fully voices his own thoughts. Listen patiently and with an open mind, genuinely encouraging the person to share their ideas.
Make the person feel like the brilliant idea is theirs
Nobody likes to act on someone else's orders. People prefer to have autonomy and act according to their own motives.
Your task is to guide the person along a path that is beneficial to you, allowing him to draw the final conclusion.
See things from the other person's point of view
Success in communication depends on the ability to clearly understand the other person's point of view. Ask yourself the question: “How would I feel and how would I react if I were in the other person’s shoes?”
Yes, this skill will take time to develop, but it will help you avoid conflicts and disappointment and get better results from communication.
Describe your ideas colorfully
To get attention, you must present your ideas in a lively, interesting, and even dramatic manner. Carnegie recommended being a bit of a showman, finding creative ways to attract attention that can awaken other people's feelings.
Follow these principles daily and you will become a master in the art of human relationships. And if, by the way, you are interested in not only business and everyday relationships, but also personal and romantic ones, pay attention to our “Building Relationships” program, where in 4 weeks you will learn how to create a union in which both partners will be happy and happy, learn to help cope with difficulties and develop together, find mutual understanding and live in harmony with your partner.
D. Carnegie's technique
Dale Carnegie (1888–1955) - famous psychologist and writer. He is the author of a series of books on interpersonal communication and public speaking.
Even in his school years, he understood the importance of communication, that it is correctly built relationships that can bring a person success in life , since they are the basis. He also drew attention to oratory, to the fear that a number of people experience before public speaking.
All this made him go into deep study of this problem in order to help people overcome it.
While still at school, he attended classes at the debating club, which later helped him develop his oratory skills, as well as his performance in subjects in which he could apply his oratory .
After school, he worked for a while as a delivery boy and as an actor, then started his own practice. At the same time, Carnegie was developing his own unique system for teaching communication skills and even copyrighted it. He focused specifically on conflict-free communication .
He gave lectures throughout the country and gained enormous popularity due to the simplicity of his technique.
In 1936, his first and one of his most popular books, How to Win Friends and Influence People, was published - an optimistic collection of practical advice and life stories under the general slogan “Believe that you will achieve success - and you will achieve it."
This book did not contain anything that was unknown to people, but it contained systematic, short and succinct advice that taught people how to communicate.
His two most famous books were How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (1948).
Dale Carnegie founded the Dale Carnegie Institute for Effective Speaking and Human Relations, which had branches in hundreds of cities throughout America, Europe and the world. Following him, the institute was led by his widow Dorothy.
He lived by the principle that there are no bad people. But there are unpleasant circumstances that can be dealt with, and it’s not worth spoiling the lives and mood of others because of them.
An unknown farmer, Dale Carnegie, gained worldwide fame by writing three books. In these books, using examples of famous people, Carnegie deduces a number of rules. By adhering to them, everyone will be able to win the respect of the people around them, the love of women (men), establish relationships with their superiors, successfully conclude a business deal, establish partnerships and simply learn to communicate.
Carnegie system has nothing to do with the West or the East. It is universal and therefore acceptable for people of any nationality and age . Everything in it is aimed at achieving a positive result in a short time . However, this was also a certain shortcoming, due to which it was subjected to sharp criticism.
In system of conflict-free communication, one can see for the most part calculations in order to get what one wants, a certain disregard for the interests of the opposite side, and a superficial attitude towards other people. Although he sometimes calls for sincerity, it is temporary.
Nevertheless, Carnegie’s advice continues to enjoy enormous success and has become “catch phrases” among people who are just beginning their journey in communicating and overcoming complexes . The Carnegie system is also widely used in modern management theory and practice.
