The art of communication: rules and secrets of successful communication, advice from psychologists

Definition of basic concepts

Effective communication - what is it in psychology?

Currently, the importance of communication in a person’s life is constantly increasing, and therefore requires additional study of the technology of effective communication, as well as mastering skills that contribute to this.

The effectiveness of communication in psychology means the optimal way to achieve the goal of communication , in which the loss or distortion of the true meaning of the meanings, attitudes, and reactions transmitted to a person and received from him is minimized.

Books

Effective communication is too broad a topic to cover in one article. You can read more about its conditions and techniques in the following books:

• “Fundamentals of the theory of communication” O. L. Gnatyuk.
• “How to talk so that children will listen, and how to listen so that children will talk” by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish.
• “I want to speak beautifully! Speech techniques" Natalya Rom.
• “Effective communication. Techniques and skills" Ulla Dick.
• “The Language of Communication” by Marian Bugajski.
• “Theory and practice of intercultural communication” E. N. Belaya.

We wish you good luck!

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Key words:1Communication

Elements of successful communication

American sociologist G. D. Laswell proposed the following elements of effective communication:

1. The sender is the person who transmits this or that information.
2. The message is the information itself that needs to be conveyed to the addressee.
3. Channel - the way a message is sent - verbally, non-verbally (gestures, facial expressions, posture), using written expression.
4. The recipient is the person who receives the message.
5. Acknowledgment is a signal given by the recipient indicating that he has accepted the message.

Criteria

To achieve effective communication, its elements must meet the following criteria:

1. The sender must choose the optimal channel for transmitting information - verbally or in writing, correctly determine the intonation with which the message will be transmitted, or turn to non-verbal methods.
2. Information must be clearly, completely and understandably presented to the recipient.
3. The recipient must confirm that he accepted and understood the information transmitted to him.

Only if these three criteria are met can communication be considered successful.

Basics

Effective communication is based on knowledge of human psychology and perception . An interlocutor who has mastered the skills of effective communication will be in a more advantageous position; it will be easier for him to achieve his goal in communication than an interlocutor who is unfamiliar with these concepts.

Ideally, communication is productive , it is beneficial for both partners and leads to their interaction, strengthening contacts and mutual trust. However, it should not contradict the basic principles of effective communication.

Principles

Principles of effective communication:

1. Communication should be a two-way process. Only if all participants in the conversation are interested in achieving a positive outcome will the prerequisites for its effectiveness arise.
2. The person to whom the message is addressed must make every effort to perceive it correctly.
3. The person conveying the message must make it as clear, concise and understandable as possible.
4. A level of trust must be established between communicating people that is appropriate to the situation being discussed.
5. The emotionality of communication must correspond to the message being conveyed.
6. Tolerance, as a means of increasing the effectiveness of communication, should be inherent in all participants in communication.

All participants must follow the principles of effective communication. The more committed they are to complying with them, the more productive their interactions will be.

How to improve communication efficiency

To improve your communication skills, you need to learn a few rules.

Depending on the situation and circumstances, they can always be supplemented:

1. It is necessary to analyze the information that the interlocutor voices in order to prevent misinterpretation. You should delve into all the details and details provided by him.
2. It is considered bad manners to interrupt a speaker, and unless there is a flood or fire, it is still worth listening to the end.
3. Partners must be sincere. Talk about what they are really thinking. Confirm what they want to achieve with their performance.

You need to express your thoughts out loud for a reason or because you really want to show off your remarkable mind. It should be spoken in such a way that all the information voiced can be called adequate, reasoned, presented favorably and courteously. Moreover, the rule must be observed both by partners who differ in age and social status, and by peers or people from the same social group.

There are a few more points that explain how to communicate effectively with people and focus on the very first impression made on your interlocutors. They get conclusions and characteristics within 20 seconds.

They are influenced by:

• voice sound and timbre (38%);
• facial expressions, body language, visual impression (55%);
• exchange of information through speech and words (7%).

To ensure that there are no problems with the effectiveness of communication from the first minutes, you need to win over your communication partner as quickly as possible.

Many methods are used for this. But the most universal ones, suitable for many occasions, are a sincere smile, the name of the interlocutor pronounced in the most respectful tone, raising his importance with the help of compliments.

Conditions

Speech communication will be successful if the following conditions are met:

1. The content of the speech should correspond as much as possible to the purpose of communication , not contain elements that are not related to the topic under discussion, and be concise and adequate.
2. The speech must be grammatically correct and accurately reflect the message that needs to be conveyed to the interlocutor.
3. The presentation of thoughts should be logical and consistent . A well-structured narrative structure contributes to its successful perception by the listener.

Factors

What are the factors that contribute to effective communication? the successful outcome of communication :

1. A favorable environment in which the conversation takes place . For example, if a situation that implies intimacy, confidentiality of communication, makes it possible for those communicating not to be heard by others, this will contribute to a confidential conversation.
2. Compatible psychological characteristics of the participants in the conversation .
   This includes the gender, age, character and temperament of the participants. As a rule, communication is more successful among people of close age; also, certain types of people by character and temperament interact better with each other.
3. Same social status. Interaction will be more successful with people belonging to the same social class.
4. A trusting atmosphere in the team, its cohesion. For example, with established benevolent norms of behavior in a team, professional interaction will be an order of magnitude more effective than in a team in which everyone is accustomed to protecting only their own interests.
5. Common goals and motives among interacting people. If the situation involves achieving a common goal, as a rule, mutual understanding is established between partners much faster, leading to successful communication.

What are the factors that reduce the effectiveness of communication? These factors significantly reduce the positive outcome of communication :

1. The situation is inappropriate to the topic being discussed. For example, when trying to discuss a confidential conversation in a public place, the recipient—the person to whom the message is addressed—will avoid the discussion.
2. Different social status. Communication barriers often arise between people belonging to different social classes.
   It is determined by internal prerequisites about one’s belonging to another class, a feeling of one’s superiority or, conversely, inferiority.
3. Disunity in the team. The effectiveness of business communication will significantly decrease if, according to established norms in a team, everyone must protect their own interests - even with the awareness that this will negatively affect the solution of professional problems.
4. Various goals. With the initial desire to achieve different goals, especially if it is impossible to achieve a compromise that satisfies all parties, the effectiveness of communication decreases.

Principles of communication

You communicate continuously

To ensure that your silence or gestures are interpreted correctly, it is better to immediately communicate your physical and emotional state.

“If you think I'm a little unfocused, don't take it personally. I just caught a terrible cold.”

“It’s hard for me to talk about my feelings. I’m afraid this will ruin our relationship, but I’m very angry that you didn’t support me in the meeting.”

Hearing does not mean understanding

Try not to deliberately think negatively about the character or intentions of others and ask them to clarify the idea if you doubt the meaning of a particular message or gesture.

“I think I understood your point, but to be sure, I’d better repeat it.”

“Perhaps I wrote down the meeting time incorrectly. I was waiting for you at 9 am."

Communication is not complete until the listener confirms that you are right.

Compare the two dialogues.

• It's a beautiful day, isn't it?
• I completely agree with you. I'm looking forward to taking a walk in the park.
• It's a beautiful day, isn't it?
• Did you watch the Los Angeles Lakers game yesterday?

The speaker must make sure that the listener understands him

Put yourself in his shoes. Try to get a feel for the listener's cultural context. Pay attention to differences in language and meaning.

“You look puzzled. Maybe I was unclear?

“Sorry, I want to make sure you understand what I mean. Let me explain it differently."

Use the pronoun "I"

Stay true to your subjective truth, your problem, and your goals. For example:

“I’m faced with one problem: I want to promote you, but I can’t because you’re late and don’t deliver projects on time.”

Try not to get into your soul, analyze or dictate your will. Do not speak:

"How can! You’re always late (you forget, you take it to heart).”

Avoid sarcasm and jokes during serious discussions. When expressing hurt, anger, or disappointment, use the pronoun “I.” For example:

“I don’t care about sarcasm. If you’re angry, tell me directly and stop repeating that I don’t understand jokes or take everything to heart.”

No mutual complaints

Communication is most effective when it focuses on one speaker or one issue. Give up any excuses. The person complaining must be:

• heard;
• understood;
• convinced that you are on the way to a compromise even before the listener responds and retells his words.

Plan for cool-down periods and venting moments

When the arguments are exhausted and begin to go in circles, it is better to take a break and calm down.

“Are you comfortable talking now? Maybe we can move it to 9 pm?”

Personality traits that influence the effectiveness of communication

The communication process is influenced not only by general factors affecting all participants, but also by the individual personal characteristics of an individual:

1. Extraversion-introversion . Extroverts are more active, open to others, and quickly make contact, which makes them more successful in communication compared to introverts who are prone to solitude, reserved, and try not to express their emotions in public.
2. Empathy . A person’s high ability to empathize with others contributes to a better perception of the interlocutor’s emotions, which has a positive effect on communication. Individuals who are not prone to empathy often cause indifference in response, which complicates the possibility of effective communication with them.
3. Aggressiveness .
   A character trait such as aggressiveness indicates a person’s tendency to behave aggressively in various situations. This behavioral feature complicates communication, often causes rejection from the interlocutor and a negative response, and reduces the likelihood of prolonging a confidential contact.
4. Tolerance . Tolerance towards your interlocutor helps to avoid conflict situations and accept his point of view, which creates fertile ground for creating compromise solutions, despite differences in views.

Psychological aspects of the effectiveness of the communicative side of communication

Why is the effectiveness of communication associated with the communicative side ? A special place in communication is occupied by its communicative side - that is, the exchange of information.

At the same time, the effectiveness of communication is directly dependent on how exactly the exchange of messages between partners will be established. The main psychological conditions for achieving effective communication for a person are the following:

• the ability to express your thoughts;
• the ability to perceive and understand the interlocutor;
• ability to interact with a partner.

These skills are formed not only at the conscious, but also at the unconscious levels - from childhood a person learns to make contact, prevent the development of conflict situations, and behave in such a way that others understand him.

The Power of Active Listening

The power of active listening is most evident in customer service and negotiations. The better his staff works, the fewer complaints and the more satisfied customers and repeat business.

Well-trained department employees offer excellent service, learn to avoid disputes and try to smooth out conflict situations.

My effective communication training includes listening exercises that involve dividing the audience into subordinates (or customers) and managers (or service employees). The initial goal is to listen to at least three sentences and then rephrase what was said until the speaker confirms that he has been heard and understood. When participants demonstrate that they share the client's disappointment or irritation, the client moderates his ardor. One real customer even said, “Oh, you're so sweet. I thought you would argue with me or accuse me of lying.”

Once, at a seminar at a construction company, engineers interrupted their speech and began arguing and looking for a solution to the problem even before the subordinate finished his sentence. Even in a role-play setting, the discussion was quite heated. When you try to express your dissatisfaction and resentment, and they don’t listen to you, it is very annoying.

It took several days of practice before the construction company employees learned to listen to ten sentences in a row and were able to accurately paraphrase what the speaker was trying to say. Several training participants (mostly male audience) told me during a break that these classes also help in communicating with their wife. To which I replied: “If you want to achieve more, insert the words “Continue” and “You're right” from time to time.”

Naturally, active listening helps not only in personal relationships, but also in the work of the customer service, in the field of personnel management, etc. Among other things, if you listen carefully to your interlocutor, there is no time left to come up with counterarguments or justify your position . Engaging in speech demonstrates approval and allows the speaker to feel comfortable and open up even more. This means more satisfied customers, repeat business and increased sales. Effective communication skills directly affect the profits of any business.

A culture of speech

Speech culture has a significant impact If a person has a sufficient vocabulary, it will be easier for him to express his thoughts to his interlocutor.

However, speech is not only a way of expressing thoughts, but also a means of understanding the world. An educated person will better understand his interlocutor, which will make communication more successful.

Cultural speech that meets the requirements of etiquette also helps to establish friendly contact with others - addresses consistent with the rules of etiquette facilitate further deepening of contact with the interlocutor.

Exercises for Effective Communication

Participants in my trainings know that the more relevant the topic and the more emotional the discussion, the more relentlessly they need to follow the guidelines to achieve mutually beneficial communication. The process of attentive and active listening flows much more naturally if you apply these rules in practice several times.

• Decide how long each of you will talk continuously.
• Look at each other and observe facial expressions and gestures. You should not be separated by foreign objects, and the distance between you should be comfortable, about a meter and a half.
• Determine who speaks first. While one expresses a thought, the other listens carefully and observes. The listener concentrates on the words of the interlocutor, his intonation and body movements, in order to then retell the message. The speaker stops after three to five phrases - quite enough for the listener to grasp the meaning, and not so much that he forgets the essence of what was said.
• The listener retells the words, describes the speaker’s gestures and facial expressions without any interpretation or correction. If the speaker takes too high a tempo, the listener can interrupt him with words:
• “Just a minute, let me make sure I understand what you said earlier.”
• After the listener has presented his version, the speaker indicates what he is right about, corrects mistakes and confirms that he was heard and understood verbal and non-verbal messages.
• The exercise continues until the speaker finishes and feels satisfied that he was understood. Then the participants change roles (you can even switch places) and repeat everything from the beginning.

Retelling someone's thoughts requires attention to the speaker's words, intonation and gestures. You must provide feedback in the form of a distillation of verbal and nonverbal cues. By expressing the thoughts of your interlocutor, you pursue the following goals:

• Focus your attention on the other person, instead of judging, arguing, or looking for a solution.
• Show respect and a sincere attempt to understand.
• Check to see if you understood everything correctly.
• Allow the interlocutor to clarify the meaning of what has been stated, as well as find out other meanings of the address. For example, you might say, “Your words suggest that you are offended, but your tone of voice and clenched fist make me think you might even be angry.”

Use this guide at least once, and then refer to it as needed. The main thing is to listen to each other and not argue. Companies that adopt active listening skills can easily remove barriers to communication, negotiation, and productive teamwork.

The language of modern man

must use the full range of communication capabilities to achieve effective communication .

It includes not only good command of speech, but also knowledge about methods of non-verbal communication - gestures, postures, facial expressions, sometimes unconsciously expressing the emotions of the interlocutor.

Knowledge of these nuances allows you to better understand your interlocutor , and, therefore, develop the best communication strategy to achieve a particular goal. Moreover, these skills must be constantly developed.

Effective communication training will help you master communication methods and techniques, which can significantly increase a person’s opportunities for self-realization, achieve success in the professional field, and also improve interpersonal relationships.

What prevents effective communication?

Anything that prevents us from understanding our interlocutor or conveying our thoughts is called a barrier in the field of communications.

There are several dozen of them, but we will highlight the main ones. Some depend entirely on you, others only partially. If you manage to avoid them, the effectiveness of communication will increase:

• Stress and uncontrolled emotions : When you are stressed or emotionally overwhelmed, you are likely to misread other people, send confusing or dismissive nonverbal signals, and engage in inappropriate behavior.
• Lack of focus : You cannot communicate effectively if you are multitasking. If you're checking your phone, planning what you're going to say next, or daydreaming, you'll almost certainly miss the nonverbal cues in your conversation, or even most of what's being said. Avoid distractions; focus.
• Inappropriate body language : Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said, not contradict what is being said. If you say one thing and your body language says another, the listener is likely to sense hypocrisy.
• Negative body language : If you disagree with what is being said, you will often use negative body language to respond to the other person's message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your fingers. Avoid negative signals and remember: you don't have to agree and you don't have to be insincere.
• Inappropriate physical environment : Noisy cafes or bars are extremely difficult to understand. If you want to have a useful dialogue, choose quieter places.
• Antipathy to other people's thoughts : We humans are often prejudiced. It is worth understanding this in order to analyze how and why the words of the interlocutor influence our thoughts and emotions in a certain way.

As we see, we can remove many of these barriers. The problem is that this requires a conscious desire and long-term work on oneself. But if you want to succeed in life, you cannot do without developing the ability to communicate effectively.

Examples

1. Effective communication in conflict. Returning from the army to his parents' house, the son spent the day surrounded by relatives, after which in the evening he got ready to visit close friends. Looking around at the mirror, he heard his father’s demanding voice: “You must be home at 10 pm.” Without stopping what he was doing, the son calmly said: “Forget it, dad. This is already in the past." Conciseness, confidence and calmness in this case were the best way out of a brewing conflict situation, since these are the qualities that are inherent in a mature, independent man.
2. Effective communication with children . A very indicative scene from the movie “Gentlemen of Fortune”, when the teacher addresses children who do not want to have breakfast: “Children, breakfast is canceled for today, because we are flying on a rocket to Mars, so take the space spoons in your hands and have a good meal, because We’ll only be back on Earth around lunchtime.”

Adjusting to the children's wishes and subsequent rejection of persuasion, which children are prejudiced against, allowed them to switch their attention and look at the situation from a different perspective.

Laws of communication in student communication

 Basic communication laws make it possible to effectively organize speech interaction between the speaker and the listener, quickly establish contact with the audience, and achieve a cooperative dialogue. These laws are universal and apply in formal and informal communication situations. Even if a person does not suspect their existence, they appear in the process of communication.

Communication and the laws of communication in Russia were studied by I. A. Sternin, M. S. Vershinin, V. A. Pavlov, N. R. Barabanova, A. K. Bondarev, T. Yu. Voloshinova, E. V. Ganapolskaya, E M. Gashkova and others. In the textbook “Theory of Communication” edited by M. A. Vasilik, the authors identify five laws of communication. However, I. A. Sternin suggests using twenty laws for effective communication. All of them “are objective in nature, express the universal nature of information exchange and act in conjunction with other social and natural laws” [2].

We explore the effect of the laws of communication on a single student group. As an example, let’s take a group of third-year students majoring in “Documentation and Archival Science.” The group consists of ten female people and represents a friendly team. Conflicts in the group rarely occur and are resolved fairly quickly. Communication between students occurs mainly within the walls of the educational institution during classes and in informal settings. They also communicate on social networks on topics related to studies, literature, music, etc. Informal communication of the entire group outside the university and social networks is quite rare. The article attempts to analyze which laws of communication are implemented in this group and in what situations. For the analysis, six laws of communication from many proposed by scientists were used.

The first law of communication that we turned to is the “law of feedback” [1, p. 21]. Any communication is based on the principle of feedback. Also, at least two communicators are required for communication. For this law to work, the other party to the communication must decode the information, respond verbally/nonverbally, or perform some action. In a situation where a teacher asks students to do something, the most common forms of feedback are a nod of the head, the words “yes”, “good”, “uh-huh”, “okay”, “understood”. In group communication, when one of the students talks about an event, feedback is most often expressed by the lexical signals “cool”, “wow”, “great”, “cool”, “cool”, “super”, “ wow”, etc.

One of the laws that I. A. Sternin highlights is “the law of mirror development of communication” [3, p. 114]. The author, explaining the meaning of the law, says that “the interlocutor in the process of communication imitates the communication style of his interlocutor” [3, p. 115]. A person most often does not realize that he is copying the volume, pace of speech, emotions, and gestures of his interlocutor. Experts note that negative verbal and nonverbal signals are mirrored most quickly and effectively. We noticed that in the selected student group, the volume and pace of speech are often reflected by the interlocutors. In a situation where the group was at fault and the teacher made comments, the head girl answered him in a quiet voice, realizing the guilt, and other students, like the head girl, spoke in lowered tones. Conflict situations sometimes occur between the group and the teacher or within the group. In this case, someone begins to speak loudly, aggressively, and accordingly the person answering also raises his voice. Just as an aggressive manner of communication makes the interlocutor aggressive, so a friendly manner makes you want to respond in kind. Therefore, when someone in a group is friendly and in a good mood, communication in the group immediately becomes positive. Most often, loud speech by a teacher encourages students to speak loudly, and quiet speech encourages students to speak quietly.

Another of the laws highlighted by I. A. Sternin is “the law of progressive impatience of listeners” [3, p. 117]. “The longer a person speaks, the more inattention and impatience his listeners show,” explains the book “Introduction to Speech Influence.” Listening is a complex type of speech activity. Students cannot effectively perceive the speaker’s oral speech for a long time, especially if it is a scientific and educational text that requires increased attention and concentration on the subject. If the teacher speaks interestingly, all the same, after about twenty minutes, the audience’s attention weakens, students begin to get distracted (look around or out the window, write SMS messages, talk, draw in notebooks) and by the end of the lecture they stop perceiving the information. There are a large number of techniques that allow you to attract and hold the attention of listeners throughout the speech until the end of the speech. You can, for example, give more vivid examples from life, sometimes joke or tell anecdotes, and more often address the audience with questions. But you still need to plan your speech for no more than ten minutes. This cannot be done within the framework of educational lectures. The lecture session lasts one and a half hours. Using the example of our student group, we can see that during the first lecture, students listen carefully, take notes, and actively answer the teacher’s questions. Towards the second half of the lesson, they listen inattentively, get distracted, and some stop recording the lecture. This law can also be clearly seen in a situation where one of the students in the group answers a question very slowly, protractedly and indistinctly. Other students have a desire to interrupt the speaker and help him finish his thought.

The next law is “the law of trust in simple words” [3, p. 127]. It was also highlighted by I. A. Sternin. The author explains the law as follows: “the simpler your thoughts and words, the better they understand you and the more they believe you” [3, p. 127]. Simple content and form in communication are the key to successful communication. To inspire confidence in the audience, to be heard and perceived, you need to use simple understandable words, short phrases, clear formulations and expressions in your speech. At seminar classes in a group of document specialists, the effect of this law is clearly visible. Many students read their reports monotonously, use a lot of scientific words and expressions, and do not comment or explain what is said. Accordingly, the main idea is not always clear; it is not clear what the student wanted to convey to the audience. The content of the report, when the scientific text is revised and simplified, becomes more accessible to the audience. Therefore, students who tell complex material in their own words are perceived better by their classmates. This is noticeable because students focus their attention on the speaker, are less distracted by extraneous matters, and ask questions.

Among other laws, I. A. Sternin highlighted the “law of detailed discussion of trifles” [3, p. 132]. In the textbook, this law is formulated as follows: “people are more willing to focus on discussing minor issues and are willing to devote more time to this than to discussing important problems” [3, p. 132]. In a group of students, as in any other group of people, the discussion of trifles can be lively and protracted, but the resolution of important serious issues occurs in a short time. This happens because everyone understands the little things, but when it comes to global problems, not everyone has their own point of view. For example, if the teacher suggested assessing the economic situation of the country, several people will speak on this issue and will limit themselves to two or three sentences. And if the conversation comes up, for example, about the music that needs to be chosen for a certain event, everyone will take part in the discussion, and the discussion will drag on.

“In an emotional state, a person loses the logic and argumentation of speech due to emotional suppression of logic” [3, p. 137] - this is how I. A. Sternin deciphered the “law of emotional suppression of logic” [3, p. 137]. A happy or upset person is not able to perceive comments, arguments, arguments, and is not able to think logically and draw conclusions. Therefore, it is useless to explain anything to him until he calms down. In a group of document specialists, this law sometimes finds its application. For example, when it becomes known about a change in the class schedule, everyone expresses their dissatisfaction, no one can assess the situation sensibly. After some time, when emotions subside, they understand that not everything and does not always depend only on their desires. Sometimes this happens when someone answers a question asked by a teacher. Students do not argue their speech, do not speak to the point, but express their feelings, indignation or delight. Such speech is unconvincing, baseless and illogical.

We paid attention to only some well-known laws of communication and examined their work using the example of a single student group. In addition to the above laws, there are others. We began to consider some of them because they cannot be implemented in a group of documentary students. For example, “the law of the decline in the intelligence of the audience with an increase in its size” [3, p. 117] does not work, since the group size is quite small and always stable (as we already mentioned - ten people). “The law of a narrow circle” [3, p. 133] is another law that also cannot be implemented within a student group. It says: “constant round-the-clock communication with a narrow circle of people dulls mutual interest” [3, p. 133]. The group we have chosen spends only a third of the day together, so the interest in communication does not dull. And the most common law, which is implemented almost every day, is the “law of progressive impatience of listeners” [3, p. 117]. As part of the classroom, students get tired every day and get tired of listening to teachers and each other.

Thus, most of the known laws are implemented in a group of students. Some of them to a greater extent, others to a lesser extent. Some - intentionally, others - unconsciously. Knowledge and use of basic communication laws helps the speaker achieve his goals with his speech, captivate the audience and retain their attention and interest. The better a person knows the laws of communication and knows how to use them, the more successful he is as a speaker and interlocutor.

Literature:

1. Vasilik, M. A. Fundamentals of communication theory. - M.: Gardariki, 2003. - 615 p.
2. Lyakhova, O. S. Communication theory as a science and academic discipline. Basic aspect. — Access mode: [https://www.distanz.ru/videoLacture/3403/].
3. Sternin I. A. Introduction to speech influence. - Voronezh, 2001. - 226 p.