Remorse is a despondency experienced in the present as a result of a past offense, a semblance of a desire to shame one’s own person. They can have great intensity of manifestations and at the same time are not considered a virtue. However, it relates to morality, because it represents a value judgment of one’s own actions and words (painful awareness of one’s bad misconduct). To be tormented by remorse is akin to nostalgia. When the will to correct what has been done is added to mental groaning, it transforms into repentance. Previously, it was believed that torment of conscience was a product of the functioning of a certain part of the brain, localized in the forehead area. It turned out that former scientists were not entirely far from the truth. The causes of internal torment are indeed hidden in the human body, but not so much in the gray cells as in the genes. Also, the degree of their expression is determined by upbringing and social environment.
What it is
An amazing property of human consciousness is conscientiousness. It cannot be touched, it cannot be bought or sold, it cannot be given as a gift, but it exists. She can be seen by others, she can sleep peacefully or torment a person.
Some consider conscience to be a useless attribute or an atavism. After all, such an “accessory” only interferes with normal life activities and prevents you from “getting high” from being. Conscientiousness seems to gnaw at a person’s soul from the inside; he cannot let go of his own wrongdoing; he is tormented by a feeling of guilt, which is much worse than the reproaches of the surrounding society. The words of strangers can easily be ignored, but the voice of conscience cannot be drowned out.
Therefore, the expression of remorse should be understood as a kind of means of self-control, like an inner voice extinguishing that since you have messed things up, it would be nice to correct them, otherwise it will be worse.
Thus, pangs of conscience are the mental discomfort that any individual experiences after causing an offense, committing a bad act, or insulting someone. The sufferer gives himself an assessment of his own actions or thoughts. If actions go against one’s own internal censor, the result is mental discomfort.
All unpleasant experiences, as well as remorse, are usually provoked either by a discrepancy in one’s own eyes between existing moral principles and the actions taken, or by the anticipation of unpleasant educational “acts” on the part of censure and condemnation. After all, everyone wants to consider themselves a worthy person, everyone likes to think well of themselves.
Mental anguish is directly proportional to the virtues that are instilled in a person and are alive in him, and not to human vices.
Thus, human subjects may feel remorse as a result of an act committed, a word spoken, or even a thought, but this is inherent in an adult, mature personality.
The “residence” of conscience in the human body
Few people know, but there is a very interesting theory. According to it, each organ also has a spiritual function, in addition to the physiological one. For example, the heart is responsible for mental pain. Ear diseases, as it turns out, arise due to the fact that a person is sensitive to refusals and reproaches from other people. At the same time, the stomach, digesting food, “absorbs” impressions along with it. And the kidneys are supposedly responsible for conscience in the human body.
The spiritual and physiological functions of this paired organ are similar. At the physical level, the kidneys cleanse the body of waste and toxins. On the spiritual level, they similarly try to “bring out” all the worst things that poison our consciousness. True, it doesn’t always work out.
Reason for appearance
Many people are familiar with the feeling of pressure felt in the soul, a stream of endless thoughts, informing that the job is done and the situation can no longer be corrected. If this state of affairs drags on and a person does not take any action to correct what he has done, then after mental anguish comes a feeling of guilt, giving way to depression. In this case, it is absolutely unimportant whether the individual is really so seriously guilty. It is important how the individual evaluates his own actions.
Remorse is a process in which a person becomes a judge of his own personality. However, such a court, just like a trial in real life, is not always fair, but its significant difference is its integrity.
The feeling of guilt is often quite dangerous for an individual, because he, consumed by this feeling, destroys his own personality. A prolonged and persistent feeling of guilt brings discomfort and causes harm not only to the individual himself, but also to those around him. This is the main problem with remorse.
Below are the most common reasons that give rise to pangs of conscience, namely:
- deception;
– causing undeserved offense to loved ones;
– ignoring requests, orders, instructions, instructions related to work activities;
– thoughtless statements of an offensive nature, uttered in a fit of anger;
– disclosure of entrusted secrets;
– inappropriate behavior due to the influence of alcoholic intoxication, for example, at a corporate party;
– committing acts that contradict a person’s existing moral principles;
– secrets from a marriage partner or parents;
– events that gave rise to tragic consequences (for example, injuries, death).
The above list is just the most common reasons, but there are also a huge number of factors that cause mental anguish. After all, each person has an individual threshold of conscientiousness.
Are shame and conscience the same thing?
Let us remember that moment when in childhood we blushed because we had to listen to our parents’ reproaches about yet another prank. At those moments, my face instantly turned red. We were ashamed. We regretted our actions at the moment - here and now. Most often, this happened under pressure from other people who, trying to teach us reason, shamed us.
What came next? Never mind! We completely forgot about all the problems and scoldings of our parents. There was no trace of negative feelings left. The discomfort went away quite quickly. After all, as you know, we are ashamed in front of other people, but ashamed in front of ourselves. In the case of the parents, a mistake was made. The adults simply shamed me instead of explaining. Perhaps if they had sorted everything out in detail, we would not only feel shame, but also a conscience. And we would not do anything like this in the future.
Based on this, you can find a number of differences between these two concepts. You usually feel ashamed immediately after what you have done. A person tries to correct himself with an apology. He does everything to resolve the situation, after which calmness or even pride sets in. Repentance comes unnoticed and sometimes even unexpectedly. Sometimes a person begins to suffer from pangs of conscience because of a situation that happened a week ago. Why is this happening?
As already mentioned, it is society that forces the individual to admit his guilt. According to the rules of etiquette, he apologizes and forgets about the problem, since the brain was given a signal - “lights out”. Forgiveness for us plays the role of complacency: after all, there are no complaints. Remorse appears only when the brain either “did not understand” that there was an apology and forgiveness, or they really did not follow.
How to say “no” without remorse
Probably everyone has encountered situations when it is quite difficult to refuse, it is difficult to pronounce the three simple letters that make up the word “no”. First of all, in order to learn to pronounce these treasured letters when there is no desire or opportunity to fulfill a request, you need to realize for yourself that no one owes anything to anyone. Realizing this will make your life much easier.
You should also not allow yourself to feel guilty about refusing to satisfy someone’s request. To do this, it is important to understand that disagreement to help, to fulfill the request of the person asking, does not imply a refusal to a specific person, it is just a disagreement to do what you do not want. At the same time, you need to say no confidently, explaining clearly and calmly the reason for the refusal.
You need to understand that when you refuse there is no room for feelings of guilt. First of all, this feeling is an emotion that appears when a person does something bad or wrong. That is, it is normal to feel guilty after hurting someone, but “no” does not hurt. A person will simply have to do for himself what he wanted to do or what he expected help with. It may be unpleasant for him, but it certainly won’t hurt. Therefore, a banal refusal should not entail mental anguish.
The easiest way to refuse is to reject a request for help with the offer of a so-called “consolation prize”, for example, saying that workload does not allow help with writing a thesis and offering a link to a suitable source. At the same time, it is necessary to offer an alternative not based on a feeling of guilt, but precisely because of a sincere desire to help.
Also, an objective explanation of the reasons by external circumstances beyond the person’s control will help not to feel mental anguish when refusing.
Often, a trouble-free person only makes things worse for those who ask, because they get used to relying not on their own strengths, but on outside help. This is very relaxing and leads to the fact that people who abuse requests begin to believe that they are simply obliged to help. The consequence of this is complete lack of independence.
How to deal with pangs of conscience?
It turns out that you don’t even have to listen to the so-called voice of reason, ignore it. Our brain does this in some cases. For example, when a person’s head has thoughts more important than self-flagellation about this or that curiosity. How to get rid of pangs of conscience? You just need to learn to respect yourself. After all, if a person has low self-esteem, he will be afraid of doing something wrong. Consequently, the individual will constantly involuntarily remind himself of the punctures.
Some have a tendency to invent false excuses for themselves, which, in their opinion, could save them from remorse. But it was not there! After all, those who look for excuses are never right in the end. Therefore, you need to exclude the invention of reasons for innocence and properly scold yourself for what you have done.
How to get rid of remorse
How often, after committing any act, a person feels remorse, he is troubled by the pangs of conscience, and is gnawing at a feeling of guilt. Often such torments have a reason, but it also often happens that they overcome a person for no reason. At the same time, some individuals have learned to cope with this very well, while for others it can plunge them into a whirlpool of depression. That’s why it’s so important to learn to overcome feelings of remorse.
Finding out the reasons that gave rise to it and changing your attitude towards the situation that caused mental anguish will help you cope with this scourge.
Having done something unseemly, you should not immediately classify yourself as a “bad” person. It must be remembered that every human subject makes mistakes. Therefore, one should fully accept what happened, and not just its individual aspect, and analyze the reason that led to these unseemly actions. It is also important to remember the time when mental torment appeared and soberly consider whether there is actually some guilt or not. If a conscious analysis leads to the fact that the basis of the experience is only an illusion, then it will become much easier to overcome.
If the conclusions led to the realization of the insignificance of guilt, then it is necessary to understand that this has already happened and there are no reasons for self-torture. You need to learn from what happened and determine your future behavior in similar situations, but torturing yourself is not constructive.
In addition, there are at least two ways out of any supposedly “hopeless” situation. Hence, those suffering from “bullying” of conscience are faced with the following prospect: either continue to suffer further, or take at least some action to correct the situation.
Since conscience is the ability of people to determine their own moral standards, boundaries of morality, rules of behavior and the ability to control their compliance, the best way out is sincere repentance and, as a result, an apology to the injured party.
We struggle with the pangs of conscience on our own
Psychological science justifies any feeling of guilt that arises by the fact that every person tends to make mistakes during his life, and it is by no means worth reproaching oneself for what happened. We are all living for the first time, and there is no need to waste time on every little thing. So, if a feeling of guilt is very firmly ingrained in your mind, we recommend following the following rules:
No "overthinking"
Stop scolding yourself for what has already happened, don’t beat yourself up, you’ll only make it worse. Firstly, it will no longer be possible to scroll back time, and secondly, constant anxiety and tension will definitely affect your health. Try to look at the problem differently, as if you are not a participant, but just a spectator. Describe it on a blank piece of paper in great detail, read it, throw it into the fire and throw the ashes to the wind. In practice, such sessions often make a person feel better.
Pangs of conscience - how to get rid of them?
Forgiveness
The second step towards getting rid of guilt will be forgiveness, forgiveness to those whom you harmed with your action. If it is difficult to meet with this object, it will be enough to write a letter, call and say the following phrase: “I apologize, I promise that I will not allow this to happen again in the future.”
Analysis
The next step is to analyze the situation in which the harmful act was committed. It is important to learn a useful lesson from it, to understand the reason, how this situation actually affected your life. Don't stop promising yourself that such mistakes will no longer occur in your life.
A piece of goodness
Everyone knows that good deeds atone for any guilt. Perform some good deed in order to minimize the influence of conscience on your consciousness. It doesn’t matter which way of showing goodness you choose, the main thing is that the perfect action “lights the candle” of deep satisfaction. For example, you can donate money to charity and help those who need it. However, it is not necessary to associate positive actions with money; you can do something good without it.
A way to get distracted
Well, the last step is the need to distract yourself from the story that gave rise to the feeling of guilt. You should devote more time to your hobbies and interests, for example, take up sports seriously; it will not allow your head to be cluttered with negative thoughts.
Conclusion:
In most cases, it is not possible to put an end to pangs of conscience right away, so you should be patient in advance. If, after applying all of the above methods in practice, no result was achieved, then there is only one option left - to visit an experienced psychotherapist. It is possible that the problem was formed through a person’s incorrect perception of life, and as a result, you first need to put things in order in your own head. There are cases where a conversation with a priest was an effective medicine. Always remember that a person should experience harmony first of all with himself and others. The feeling of guilt is precisely the opposite of this desire.
Remorse has always been a favorite subject for poetic depiction (for example, Shakespeare's Macbeth).
Our remorse is directly proportional to the virtues that are still alive in us, and not to our vices.
Danielle Stern (Countess d'Agoux)
Varlam Shalamov wonderfully expressed what the court of conscience is in its ultimate manifestation:
I'll be shot at the border
The limits of my conscience.
A trail of blood will fill the pages,
Why were friends so worried?
You can experience remorse because of an action you have committed, or you can feel remorse because of a thought, which is typical for an adult, developed personality. However, not everyone reaches this level.
One day, Francis of Assisi was replacing his father in a shop when a beggar entered and asked for alms “out of love for the Lord.” And Francis at this time was shifting the goods and answered unkindly: “God will provide.” But when the beggar left, Francis was struck like a thunderbolt by the thought that if they had asked him now not for a stale piece or a copper penny for God’s sake, but for a piece of cloth or a purse of gold for some count or baron, he would never have refused! And he refused to give the poor man his daily bread!.. From then on, as life says, he gave whatever was in his pockets to the poor, if he met him, and when there was no money, he took off his clothes and gave them away.
Memorable book dates, 1982. pp. 129–130.
Remorse can be of varying intensity. For example, L. N. Tolstoy’s torment of conscience was so great that it destroyed his life, relationships with his family and loved ones. Zenkovsky called this moral self-crucifixion, a real tyranny of the spiritual principle.
The degree of experience depends on the nature of the act and the level of consciousness of the person, on his ability and habit to fairly and critically evaluate his own behavior and the behavior of others.
Remorse is a sore tooth growing from the very depths of a despairing heart.
E. Dolberg
Often remorse is associated with lies and deception, especially in cases where lying is not allowed, when a preliminary agreement has been reached not to lie to each other. In this case, the victim trusts the liar, without realizing that she is being led by the nose. Liars feel much less remorse when the targets of their deception are impersonal or unfamiliar. When the victim of deception is anonymous, it is much easier to indulge in all sorts of fantasies that reduce one’s own guilt, for example, imagining that it will not harm her at all and, perhaps, no one will even discover anything, or, even better, that she herself deserves it or wants it herself to be deceived.
The interdependence of remorse and fear of exposure is far from clear-cut. The fear of exposure can be very strong and with very weak remorse. When deception is sanctioned, remorse is usually small, but the sanctioning of deception usually increases the fear of discovery. However, the same factors that increase remorse may reduce the fear of detection. The liar may feel guilty about misleading the gullible victim, but he will have little reason to fear that he will be exposed, since the victim himself does not even admit the thought of it. Of course, you can suffer from torment of conscience and at the same time be very afraid of being caught, or feel almost no one or the other - all this depends on the specific situation, as well as on the personality of the liar and the victim.
Parable “Shards in the Heart”
One day a young man was walking down the street and saw a blind man with a mug of change at his feet. Either the man was in a bad mood or something else, he just threw shards of broken glass into this mug and moved on.
Thirty years have passed. This man has achieved everything in life. Children, grandchildren, money, a good home, and universal respect - he already had everything. Only this episode from his distant youth haunted him. His conscience tormented him, gnawed at him, did not let him sleep. And so, in his declining years, he decided to find the blind man and repent. I arrived in the city where I was born and raised, and the blind man was still sitting in the same place with the same mug.
Do you remember many years ago when someone threw broken glass into your mug? It was me. Forgive me,” the man said.
“I threw away those fragments that same day, and you carried them in your heart for thirty years,” answered the blind man.
Oddly enough, some people like to feel remorse. Sometimes they even lie on purpose in order to suffer in this way.
Remorse increases in cases where:
The victim is deceived against her will;
Deception is very selfish, the victim does not gain any benefit from the deception, but loses as much or even more than the liar gains;
Cheating is not allowed and the situation requires honesty;
The liar has not practiced deception for a long time;
The liar and the victim share the same social values;
The liar knows the victim personally;
It is difficult to accuse the victim of negative qualities or excessive gullibility;
The victim has a reason to assume deception or, conversely, the liar himself would not want to be deceived.
An audience is not needed for remorse; in this case, the person is his own judge. This kind of experience is reflected in the poems of Oksana Chipovskaya “Conscience” and Evgeny Yevtushenko “Torment of Conscience”.
The moral result of these experiences is remorse
, the moral meaning of which is
the harmonization of the relationship between duty and conscience.
In order to not experience the pangs of conscience for the rest of your life because you could have done something, undertaken something, but forgot, didn’t have time, didn’t attach importance, etc., which often happens after the death of parents, people need to fulfill all their earthly duties on time. responsibilities, one's duty to others.
Why can’t every person live peacefully after doing a bad deed or not doing a good one? Why do we feel remorse? How to deal with them? For a long time, scientists could not find answers to these questions.
Initially, it was believed that pangs of conscience are a product of the activity of a certain zone of the human brain, which is supposedly located in the forehead. As it turned out, the reason really lies in our body: not only in the gray matter, but also in the genes. In addition, the individual’s upbringing and character have a strong influence. But everyone, without exception, is capable of feeling pangs of conscience to one degree or another. Agree, each of us at least once in our lives began to reproach ourselves for some action. We replayed the unfortunate situation in our heads over and over again in order to find a more acceptable way out of it.
Works about conscience for children
Every cartoon, every fairy tale talks about her. From an early age, children are taught to do the right thing, choosing morality over lies and betrayal.
Thus, in the cartoon and book “Dasha the Traveler,” the main character, together with her friend Shoe, explores the world and helps everyone who needs help.
However, in their way there is always the cunning fox Rogue, who is always trying to decorate something, committing a shameless act. Then Dasha tells the Crook that stealing is wrong, and he gives back the stolen goods and sincerely asks for forgiveness.
V. M. Garshin “A Man of Heightened Conscience”
Another name for the fairy tale Attalea princeps. She talks about a young palm tree, which in Garshin’s fairy tale was not conscientious. She wanted freedom at any cost, so she did not consider any other trees.
Having grown large and breaking the roof of the building, she began to die. At the end of its life, the palm tree admitted that it was wrong and took away water and space from other plants.
Victor Dragunsky “The secret becomes clear”
The fairy tale by Victor Dragunsky tells about a boy who really did not want to eat porridge and threw it out the window while his mother was not looking. He told mom that he had finished everything.
She praised her son and said that they were going to the Kremlin as a reward for a good appetite. A little later, a man knocks on the door.
Mom opens it and sees that this man is covered in porridge. When the mother cleared the newcomer, the boy hid and did not want to approach her. But later he overcame himself and asked for forgiveness, remembering the lesson.
Dmitry Panteleev “Honestly”
In Leonid Panteleev’s fairy tale, the boy promised the children not to leave during the game.
But the guys cheated and ran home, but the main character remained standing, responsibly keeping his promise.
Seeing the boy's trouble, the man did not turn away, but decided to help, acting in good conscience, and took the child home, making sure that he did not throw his promise to the wind.
Vladimir Zheleznyakov “Scarecrow”
In the story “Scarecrow,” the main character, being a good friend of Dima Somov, takes the boy’s guilt before his classmates upon herself.
Dima himself does not say that he is a traitor, but remains silent when the children begin to mock the girl.
At the birthday party, he still tells the guys that the girl is not to blame for anything. And in the end, all the children ask for forgiveness for tormenting the girl.
Albert Likhanov “My General”
In the story, the action unfolds around Anton Petrovich and Anton's grandson.
The grandson is very proud of his grandfather and tells all his classmates that he was in the war and has many orders and awards. But, being retired, grandfather works as a storekeeper.
The grandson feels ashamed for this. Later, the boy’s feelings awaken at his grandfather’s grave, because he is told the truth of life: his grandfather found the boy near the body of his dead mother and handed him over to his relatives to raise.
Thus, the boy learns respect for elders and that every profession is important, and one cannot judge a person by what he does.
Why does your conscience gnaw at you?
It is absolutely clear that we experience regret after we commit an offense and until we hear the cherished: “I forgive you.” But why does a person need to justify himself to himself? Why can’t you just forget about the conflict as a bad dream and not fill your head with all sorts of nonsense? Everything is easily explained: pangs of conscience are not excuses that we invent for ourselves in order to calm down. We are talking about responsibility towards those who were offended.
The human brain is designed in such a way that it needs to be convinced of everything, even that its “master” is right. Therefore, thoughts about what happened are nothing more than a way to get rid of annoying and sometimes boring reproaches of conscience. Unfortunately, you can’t save yourself by making excuses and looking for evidence of your own innocence.
And literary heroes have a conscience...
Pangs of conscience in the fate of famous literary heroes are a fairly common occurrence. Many of them, to one degree or another, thought about the correctness of their actions, made excuses to themselves, or continued to gnaw at themselves. Raskolnikov is rightfully considered the most conscientious character in Russian literature. One has only to remember how at first he was delusional that they wanted to capture him, imprison him, and convict him. The hero wasn't even ashamed. Like, the old woman-pawnbroker is to blame herself. Raskolnikov did not consider himself a “trembling creature.” He assured himself that he “has the right” to kill those who allegedly interfere with the lives of decent people. But after what happened, everything changed. The pangs of conscience drove him into a corner to such an extent that he literally began to go crazy. And he did not calm down until he received what he deserved for killing the old woman.
Anna Karenina is another conscientious heroine. But she reproached herself not for murder, but for betraying her husband. The woman chose her own punishment - she threw herself under a train.
Thus, in their works based on psychologism, the authors show what a terrible thing conscience is. Her reproaches can drive you crazy and lead to suicide. Therefore, there is no need to commit those actions for which you would be painfully ashamed.
Examples of conscience from human life
If a student does not remember the second argument from literature in the exam, then he can always give a real-life example. This could be any moment from his or the life of his loved ones or friends.
For example, he can talk about how he lied to mom or dad, saying that he had to go to school later, or that he was sick and could not go to an important event, or about the first time he stole something from a store and then returned it. stolen back.
You can also remember any charitable deeds and briefly talk about them: about helping the homeless, about feeding homeless animals, about helping the elderly, etc.
Also, a fragment from any film or its characteristics can act as an argument from life. For example, just remember the events of the film “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas,” where the hero is tormented by the fact that he has bread and water on the table, the best toys, and his peer does not even have a roof over his head.
