9 facts about how the death of a parent changes us forever

The worst thing in the life of any person is the loss of people close to him, their death. They always leave unexpectedly, and it is impossible to be prepared for this. It is especially difficult when a family suffers such grief as the death of a father or husband. Then the woman is left alone with the children.

There are no people who can just let go of any of their loved ones, family members or friends. Death always means human suffering, tears and psychological experiences in the form of depression and other things. If adults can still, after a while, accept the loss, then this is not easy for children. This article will discuss how a child can survive the death of a father and how to help him with this.

“This can’t be! I do not believe!"

When the news about the sudden death of a father is reported to his relatives, the first thing they feel is rejection of the current situation; it seems to them that this is just a dream, not reality, that this could not happen to them.

Denial is a person’s defensive reaction, so he may not experience any emotions, not cry, because he does not realize what is happening. It will take him some time to come to his senses and accept his father's departure. If adults first of all deny the fact of what happened, then they do not always know what is going on in the child’s soul. Therefore, it is very important to help him not withdraw into himself and not receive psychological trauma that will haunt him throughout his life.

Those around you will help you cope with the pain of loss.

The most common words of consolation, awkwardly uttered by friends and acquaintances, consist of assurances that it is easier for those who have left this world in the next world, that our tears and suffering cause our souls to find no peace, that everything will pass sooner or later. People around you often try to give advice on how to survive the death of a husband, wife, or parent, to encourage, comfort, and reassure. It may seem to you that all the words are empty, that they don’t understand you, that they don’t realize how hard it is for you.

Despite the bitterness of loss, the lack of an answer to the question of how to survive the loss of a loved one, do not be alone with your problem and try not to experience negative manifestations towards people. Most are afraid of death, do not know how to support someone who has lost their loved ones, and are afraid of being tactless.

Don’t distance yourself from others, you can’t be alone right now. Use these tips on how to cope with the death of a person:

• choose from your environment someone you trust. Tell them directly that you need their company;
• do not refuse any help from others;
• if you want to talk about what is happening, about grief, about your feelings, memories - do it. Talk to a friend, relative, or random fellow traveler. People are sympathetic to other people's misfortune. It will be easier for you;
• If among your friends there are people who have experienced the death of relatives, find out about their experience. Perhaps this knowledge will be able to help you during this period.

Don't close yourself off. If you mentally cannot remain alone, you need moral support, contact your friends or family. Talk to them. Repeatedly talking through the problem will help relieve mental stress.

Unfortunately, in modern society you can often find indifference or misunderstanding among people. They are afraid of mourning, death, everything associated with the loss of a person. As you try to cope with the death of a loved one, you may discover the unpleasant fact that those you considered friends are not able to provide support. Don't blame them for this. These may be superstitions, reluctance to at least partially touch on the topic of the loss of a loved one, fear of “causing” grief. Accept any help that is given to you from a pure heart. This is not the time to be modest.

Death of a father to a child

If adults are given bad news directly, then not many people know how to explain to children that dad will never come home again, and most importantly, how to console them. More on this later. After the death of the father, the child may behave differently. It is not always possible to understand how he feels. Some children begin to cry, others ask a lot of questions because they don’t know how dad will no longer be with them, it also happens that they don’t say anything, and all emotions are manifested in behavior.

You can suspect something is wrong with sudden and causeless changes in the child’s mood; if he was just captivated by the game and seemed calm, then after a couple of minutes he bursts into tears. Children experience loss for a very long time, so their behavior cannot be predicted.

As soon as the child has learned about the death of his father, it is very important not to leave him alone, to pay as much attention as possible and surround him with care. Young children must understand that, having lost their dad, they still have their mother. It is she who will protect them and love them. He should feel this constantly, that one of his parents is next to him.

The mother, after the death of the father, must show how much she loves her child, and that he should not be afraid of his tears over the loss. She will have to prepare for the fact that the children will begin to shower her with questions about the grief that has befallen her. A woman will have to be patient and respond to her child, even to the most difficult, ridiculous and painful ones. Such curiosity is not associated with indifference, but on the contrary helps the son or daughter understand what happened and accept it. Therefore, the conversation must take place, and there is no point in leaving or postponing it.

You learn to live with sadness

Someone who has lost a parent will never stop missing the person who left the world, but over time they will learn how to live with the loss and come to terms with the fact that the person is no longer here. In the end they continue to live because that is all they can do. In cases where people have been seriously affected by a loss and the grief lasts too long, they should seek medical help. Otherwise, it can develop into serious psychological trauma and disorders. Be carefull.

Aggression after death

If, after the death of his father, the son stops listening to his mother, behaves badly, and shows aggression, then she will have to be patient. But under no circumstances should you scold him. You can try to talk to him calmly.

It is important to understand that, having learned about death, the child himself begins to be afraid of dying or being left without a second parent, hence his aggressive behavior. It is very important here to talk to him, find out his fears, and calm him down as delicately as possible.

If, in addition to aggression, there is also a deterioration in health or deviations in normal behavior during the day, for example, the child began to get tired quickly, stopped eating, abandoned his favorite toys, or skipped school, then this is a serious reason to contact a child psychologist for advice. There is no point in delaying going to the doctor.

Sometimes a child may blame himself for the death of his father because he once said something bad to him, like “I don’t love you” or “I wish I had another father” or similar phrases. In addition, children can understand the departure of one of their parents as their punishment for not fulfilling their requests, not responding to comments, etc.

A child may feel guilty even because he cannot understand his own emotions. Therefore, it is necessary to talk with children about their experiences and try to explain to them what it means and why this happened. It is worth having conversations immediately after the funeral and a month or two later to make sure that he is able to cope with the absence of one parent.

How to cope with the passing of a loved one

Imposed stereotypes about the impermissibility of tears, the prohibition of excessive crying, the refusal to mourn can cause serious psychological trauma, complicate the process, and will not give the right direction in the search for how to survive the death of a child, spouse, or loved one.

On the day you receive news of the death of a loved one, try to adhere to the following recommendations:

• are constantly with someone;
• if you want to cry, do it;
• take safe sedative medications – valerian, Corvalol, validol;
• Remember about other relatives who may also be having a hard time. Try to be there in grief;
• find the strength to organize a funeral, ask friends to help with this or involve a funeral service;
• inform everyone you think is necessary about the death of your loved one;
• forget about misunderstandings and quarrels. For example, in order for a widow to cope more easily with the death of her husband, she should tell the news even to people for whom she has antipathy. It is worth showing respect for the passing;
• try to keep yourself busy with practical things. If you can, work. If you want to invest yourself in organizing a funeral, take part in choosing a coffin, a cross, clothes for the deceased;
• If you feel the need to be alone, retire. Your loved ones will understand your wishes;
• take care of yourself, take care of your state of mind, your healthy mind. If you feel overwhelmed by grief, ask friends or seek professional help.

In the hassle of organizing a funeral procession and preparing ritual paraphernalia, the first three days can pass very quickly. A big test for the human psyche is the day of a funeral. You will need a lot of strength, since you have to see your deceased loved one in the coffin for the last time and say goodbye to him. During the funeral procession, a sharp awareness of what happened may come, after which a painful question remains - how to survive the death of a son, grandson, someone dear to you.

What to do? How to help a child?

It is important to closely monitor your child, because for the next six months, after the death of his father, the child may behave abnormally, because the experiences have passed into a pathological stage. This can be confirmed by the presence of symptoms that do not go away for a long time. You should be wary if a child does not express any emotions for a long time, or, on the contrary, demonstrates them too clearly. Another sign is refusal to go to school, or good grades have changed to bad. The appearance of anger, hysterics, screams, fears and phobias is a good reason to go to a psychologist to treat the pathological stage of a child’s suffering after the loss of his father.

If children do not want to talk about dad or cannot, lose interest in life, withdraw into themselves, and do not even communicate with friends, then urgent medical help is needed.

The death of a father can drive a child into long-term depression; he feels lonely and abandoned. Having experienced such a loss in childhood, in the future it can affect the lives of children, their professional activities and personality in general.

If the child also perceived his father as a friend, was proud of him, tried to imitate him, then for him this will be a double blow and a loss of life guidelines; he will have no one to look up to.

Cause and day of dad's death

The cause of dad's death is of great importance. When nothing foreshadowed his loss, he was not sick, then this was the hardest thing for the family, because the blow of fate happened unexpectedly. If a man committed suicide, then his loved ones will blame themselves for everything and be tormented by guessing why he did this to them.

The fact that he witnessed death leaves a big imprint on the child’s consciousness. The psyche suffers greatly from what he saw, and he cannot do without a doctor, because he will constantly replay this moment in his memory or see it in a dream, and wait with fear for the day of his father’s death. How difficult it will be for a child to cope with the loss of his dad largely depends on his age, character and whether he has previously lost relatives or not.

You become more anxious

Loss can affect you on a very deep emotional level. People whose mother or father has died are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety and stress. Even daily obligations require a lot of extra effort. Such people go through the day with reluctance and a complete lack of interest. Ordinary routine activities are difficult, not to mention work. A person simply cannot concentrate on something due to severe anxiety. This usually happens when we have not yet accepted the fact that our parent is no longer with us.

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How does a child under five years old experience grief?

How does age affect the perception of losing a father? How a child accepts the loss depends on his age. How do children, schoolchildren and teenagers cope with grief? A child under 2 years of age is not able to understand that the irretrievable loss of one of the parents has occurred. But he can feel that his mother is in a bad mood, and the other residents of the apartment do not smile at him as before. Feeling this, the baby often begins to cry, scream and eat poorly. Physically, this can manifest itself as bad bowel movements and frequent urge to go to the toilet.

A child at the age of 2 realizes that parents can be called if they are not nearby. The concept of death is not conscious to him at this age. But the fact that he calls dad, but he doesn’t come, can cause him great anxiety. The mother should surround the baby with love and care, as well as provide him with proper nutrition and good sleep, then it will be easier for him to cope with the loss.

Children between the ages of 3 and 5 already take their parents' absence more seriously, so they need to very gently explain to them that their dad will no longer be with them. There is a high probability that such a child may develop fears and phobias, he will cry often, and there may be complaints of headaches or stomach pain. It is very important to communicate with the baby as much as possible, remember happy moments spent with dad, and look at photographs.

How do children aged 6-8 years experience grief?

A child aged 6 to 8 years is a schoolchild who, in communication with peers, tells them about his parents. Therefore, it is important to help children be prepared for questions, where is your dad? You need to teach him to answer briefly, with one phrase, “He died.” But it’s better not to tell others how it happened. The child may behave aggressively with peers and the teacher, so it is important to warn the teacher about the incident so that he can keep an eye on him.

Holidays have changed

The holidays are the time of year we spend with family and friends. This is a time of love, pleasure and happiness. So when one person is gone, we will always miss them during these family gatherings. However, over time, we create new and meaningful ways to celebrate events without them. This helps, and we no longer feel that intense sadness during the celebration of life. The main thing is to do it and not ignore it.

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A teenager's grief

The most difficult age for a child is, of course, adolescence. At this time, they are already very emotional and are going through a difficult period, and having lost their father, they are completely unsettled. The teenager begins to look for bad company, secretly smokes cigarettes and drinks alcohol, and even worse, tries drugs. At this age, children hide their emotions from others and most often remain silent. But inside they are very worried, sometimes reaching the point of attempting to commit suicide. It is important to provide the teenager with the proper attention, care and love so that he knows that he can always find support in his mother.