Loser man: types of losers and distinctive features - a guide for girls

The main signs of a loser

Why do some people manage to accomplish everything they set their minds to, while others do not? Are genes to blame, or social conditions, or perhaps character traits? These questions have been haunting many for a long time. But it seems the answer has already been found. Worldview, attitude towards life, towards yourself and others - this is where you need to look for the sources of luck and unluckiness. Let's look at what signs we can use to determine that this is an ordinary loser.

I don't see the goal

We are designed in such a way that we need a goal in life, and not necessarily a global one - such as making people happy or saving humanity, but a completely utilitarian, intermediate one, for example: enrolling in a university, having a child, buying a car, building a house, visiting India, and so on. There is a goal - there is movement, development. Abilities are activated, hidden reserves are brought into action, the intellect and all systems of the body are turned on at full capacity... A person who strives for something sends a corresponding signal to the Universe and in the end receives an answer - the embodiment of a dream into reality. And the one who does not make plans, does not choose clear guidelines, does not see a goal in front of him, sooner or later begins to feel that his life is like a musty swamp, where time has stopped and nothing changes: the same uninteresting and poorly paid job, miserable everyday life, a boring and predictable existence.

Set at least some goal for yourself, visualize it, act, try, and soon you will be convinced that the Universe will begin to favor you, and there will be no trace of your past failure (see “How to quickly and confidently achieve goals: 5 simple tips”) .

I am not guilty

Losers tend to blame others for all their troubles. My parents raised me wrong, didn’t provide me financially, didn’t teach me, didn’t save me. The wife does not inspire and does not support, the children distract, demand attention, gifts and money, friends do not help in their career, the bosses do not appreciate, the employees intrigue... And, of course, there is no luck with the country, as well as with the government.

Meanwhile, it has been said thousands of times: a person is personally responsible for everything that happens to him. It is he himself, not those around him, who is to blame for his mistakes, mistakes, and failures. It depends only on him whether his life will be bright and interesting or gray and boring. Stop looking for those to blame, change your attitude towards yourself and others. Think about what you can do to turn the situation around, change the course of events. Those who are looking for solutions and not justifications for themselves, help comes seemingly from nowhere and unexpected opportunities open up.

Nothing dedends on me

You should believe that nothing will change as a result of your efforts, and you can live with a calm soul by inertia, without straining, indulge in laziness, and not make attempts to change anything and achieve something. And all questions can be answered simply: I don’t know what to do, I don’t decide anything. This position, characteristic of losers, is very convenient. After all, avoiding responsibility for your life and especially for the lives of loved ones allows you to maintain peace of mind. But they don’t understand one thing: with such principles, a person becomes a slave to other people’s decisions. Someone else, and not himself, is in charge of his life, and such a life can hardly be called happy.

Sign of a Loser #7 – “I’m just unlucky!”

The loser says that he had the bad fate of being born to poor parents, that he was raised poorly, that the world had a bad influence on him. An ordinary person may also think so, but a loser with all this does not pay attention to himself - that is, he blames everything external, but not his own personality. If a loser says that he is unlucky, then he is, in general, right - a happy person will not suffer. And since the loser suffers, it means that he really was unlucky. However, if you show the losers, for example, a poor paralyzed grandmother who is being eaten alive by maggots, then it will immediately become clear that their life seems to be not so bad.

I'm afraid to take risks

If you think about it, life is generally a risky enterprise. This or that action can radically change everything, and not always for the better. So, it turns out that it’s better to sit quietly in place, doing nothing and watching time slip away like water through your fingers? That's what losers do. They are afraid to leave a poorly paid but stable job in order to take up a promising business that can bring well-being and prosperity, or may end in failure. After all, any active activity is associated with a certain risk. They are generally against any changes, so they prefer to vegetate.

The comparison is not in my favor

A loser constantly compares himself with others, and for comparison he chooses people who are more successful and successful. Such a comparison, of course, evokes nothing but envy and self-pity, they say, once again I, poor and poor, have been outpaced. Meanwhile, you can only compare yourself... with yourself - the way you were ten, five, or just a year ago. Such a comparison can become an impetus for decisive action, motivation for work, study, development if you see that you are stagnant, or convince you that you are on the right path if there are undeniable successes.

New in blogs

This essay came out of a conversation we had in our community almost a year ago about underdogs. As we worked on it, the original concept changed somewhat, but I hope it will still be interesting.

There are concepts in language that we use without thinking quite often and appropriately, but when we try to define them we find it difficult. A classic example would be words such as love, truth, happiness. The thing is that the interpretation of these concepts largely depends on the worldview, and therefore only a description that considers them from different ideological and value positions can claim completeness and accuracy. The word loser falls into the same category, and its interpretation directly depends on social and ethical aspects.

If we turn to formal dictionary definitions, we will read that a loser is a person who is constantly unlucky and unlucky. This definition is correct, but superficial, because it misses one essential point - the reasons for failure. After all, by losers we mean not only unlucky people, but also unsuccessful people. And there is a qualitative difference between luck and success. If luck is a favorable combination of circumstances that occurs “by itself”, against our will, then success is also the result of targeted efforts. As much as bad luck is a matter of fate, failure is a matter of choice. Therefore, when we say loser, meaning “unsuccessful,” this word takes on a completely different emotional message. It contains an assessment and, if you like, a diagnosis of social or psychological pathology. And at the very moment when we start talking about the disease, the question arises, who actually has the problem, the patient or the diagnostician? This article does not answer this question, but only shows that it is not as clear-cut as it sometimes seems.

The very concept of a loser appears in Russian in the second half

XIX century (https://wordhist.narod.ru/neudachnik.html), migrating from “from the oral styles of speech of the mixed-democratic intelligentsia.” It is obvious that unlucky and unsuccessful people have always existed, a hundred and two hundred years ago. Why exactly at the turn of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries did the need for a special word arise? In my opinion, the fact is that this is a time when a person becomes more and more “the architect of his own happiness,” when the boundaries of classes and social strata become permeable, and material and social success is determined less and less by origin and more and more by personal qualities. This is the time when a new type appears in society, a new hero - a “self-made” man, a Wiener. And along with him, his Shadow is born - a loser.

Over the century and a half that has passed since the appearance of this word, dramatic changes have occurred in our world. People now have almost unlimited possibilities for movement along the social vertical. As up, so down. And there are many more “floors” in it. As a result, social success has moved to one of the first places in the order of priorities, displacing the values ​​on which public institutions have been based for centuries. Aristocratic values ​​in the form of honor, spiritual values ​​in the form of morality, state values ​​in the form of patriotism, and even bourgeois values ​​in the form of wealth are important today to the extent that they contribute to individual success.

Summarizing the changes that have occurred with moral guidelines over the last century, we can say that the epicenter of public attention has shifted from external, objective factors to internal, subjective ones. Previously, we were called to achieve position, professional, personal and financial wealth and this was supposed to bring happiness and success. Or not to bring it... But it was supposed to be, “right.” Now it has become more important to realize your desires and aspirations, whatever they may be (within the limits of the law), and implement them. Previously, society said you had to do it, but now you can feel it.

The extent to which a person knows how to be satisfied with himself, the extent to which he is aware of his desires and is able to realize them, the extent to which he knows how to use the benefits of modern life and enjoy them, becomes no less, if not more important, than his activities and social achievements. Without these feelings, a person cannot be considered truly successful. And therefore, in the modern portrait of a loser, the sphere of relationships with oneself comes to the fore: the lack of “positivity”, the tendency to become despondent, the inability to clearly formulate one’s desires and receive satisfaction and pleasure from their realization.

On the other hand, a person is capable of experiencing the same emotions, both from imaginary events and from real ones, from both form and content. At the same time, creating a form requires much less resources than filling it with relevant content. It seems easier than it is, and high-quality advertising is more profitable than a high-quality product. Therefore, when positive emotions become the predominant criterion for success, the winners are those whose desires and ideas about happiness are shallow, predictable and associated primarily with form. It is much easier for them to achieve their goals and be self-confident. Not to mention the fact that they are supported by a huge modern machine for the formation and satisfaction of “simple” needs. And this means that a person, by nature, endowed with the ability to deeply feel and create real things, i.e. those who find it difficult to be satisfied with a superficial look at what is happening around them find themselves in a position that is obviously unfavorable for achieving success. In addition to the fact that it is objectively more difficult for him to be satisfied with the results of his labors, his complex aspirations do not receive any special support from society. He faces a difficult choice: to follow the easy path, “like everyone else,” and constantly experience conflict with his deep levels, or to do what his soul tells him, risking remaining unclaimed and misunderstood.

Thus, we see that the phenomenon of failure can have a very different nature. Yes, outwardly it is always associated with formal social failure, but its cause can also be bad luck, personal problems, and the otherness of the mental organization. Let's try to imagine different types of losers through three types of conflicts.

The above conflicts are not mutually exclusive, but speak to different levels of depth and complexity of the factors that make people failures. The simplest of the three is natural conflict, which is present in all living nature and is the engine of evolution. If this conflict lies almost entirely in the sphere of consciousness, then the neurotic conflict affects deeper and less conscious levels of the soul, and therefore is much more difficult to understand and correct. Systemic conflict, as the name suggests, is the most complex and deep.

As a rule, deep-seated conflicts also manifest themselves at superficial levels. Thus, an anxious loser is likely to be a failure from a formal point of view, and a person with a systemic conflict is at greater risk of developing a problem of a neurotic nature. However, correction of the problem can only be complete when it occurs at the appropriate level.

Let's take a closer look at each of them.

Formal losers

Formal losers are the product of social competition. These are people who systematically lose in the struggle for first place, for status and material wealth. They spend their whole lives in the ranks, lose in elections and competitions, and become “eternal captains” in the army. I call this type formal because they are failures in fact, in the most literal sense of the word. The reasons for this situation may be different, but this is not so important. The main thing is that they are regular participants in various social competitions and for the most part do not achieve in them what they claim.

A formal loser, with a happy coincidence of circumstances or thanks to his perseverance and consistency, may well become a winner. In the same way, a winner can turn into a loser.

The most suitable help for a formal loser is coaching and all kinds of trainings - everything that helps a person master new useful skills, effective strategies, and teaches him to align desires and reality.

The end point for a formal loser is the equally formal status of a winner, so when he achieves success, the problem disappears by itself.

Troubling Losers

This definition refers to people whose conscious and subconscious aspirations are in conceptual conflict. Their personal life and career are like the cart from the fable “Swan, Cancer and Pike”. A significant part of their energy, instead of creative activity outside, is spent on internal struggle, giving rise to anxiety and failure. The causes of conflicts lie, as a rule, in parental or generic programs that are laid down in early childhood and have a mindset of failure.

In the context of this article, we will not dwell in detail on the mechanisms for creating such programs, because This is too big a topic that deserves a separate discussion.

The main thing for us is that an anxious loser, unlike a formal one, cannot be saved by either circumstances or perseverance. An anxious loser cannot, by definition, become a winner. Until his internal conflicts are recognized and worked through, any success will be temporary and will not bring true joy and relief from problems.

Only a thorough study of his deep-seated problems and a conscious and painstaking correction of his life scenario can help an anxious loser. This is a task that will take years of work with a psychologist and with oneself.

The solution to the problem for the anxious loser is a state of internal agreement. It is this state that will be his main victory and success, after which the very concept of “loser” will forever lose its relevance for him.

Others.

And finally, the third type, for the sake of discussing which this article was started. There are people who are not initially structured exactly like the majority of those around them. They live in a slightly different world and are guided by different motives, they are interested in things that do not make sense to most, and what attracts others hardly touches them. Being often capable and full of strength, they do not strive for accessible and generally accepted success, causing displeasure and condemnation from loved ones and acquaintances. Such people can be called eccentrics, restless, crazy, not of this world. Their actions and judgments are often incomprehensible and cause ridicule and rejection. They sometimes remain like children until a very old age in their naivety, spontaneity and lack of adult seriousness. But, at the same time, in certain circumstances they can prove themselves to be real heroes, find a non-standard way out of a dead end, and commit an act that an ordinary person is not capable of. And at the same time, their deeds often receive recognition only many years later, when they themselves may no longer be alive.

The fate of the Other is characterized by drama and tragedy. These are people doomed to constantly overcome the conflict between their special world and the social norm. Often, realizing their otherness, they are glad to change, to become the same as everyone else, but this is impossible, and they are forced to pay for their otherness with loneliness and misunderstanding.

However, otherness itself, with all its psychological complexity, does not make a person a failure. He may only appear to be so, being formally unsuccessful and/or appearing neurotic. By calling Others losers, we devalue their systemic, transcendental role, without which these people cannot feel happy.

Only awareness of one’s specific purpose and mission can truly help an Other. Without such awareness, he will always feel anxiety and dissatisfaction inside, constant discomfort, tossing and a feeling of impasse. In this he can be facilitated by circumstances and the search for himself, his place and the meaning of life. A person who succeeds in this will experience happiness of the highest order, even while remaining formally unsuccessful. And in the same way, the Other who is formally successful, but has not found himself, will experience constant anxiety and discomfort.

Conclusion

We live in a world in which a lot of things are allowed. The individual today has a formal freedom previously unknown to humanity. Everyone is free to profess any religion or be an atheist, to choose how to look, what to do, what to consider the meaning of their life. Such freedom gives rise, on the one hand, to a wide variety of forms, and on the other, to a devaluation of meanings and the dominance of a simple worldview that is convenient for the majority. Yes, today we recognize the right to personal search, but at the same time we demand from the individual that she be happy. This has led to the fact that our view of Others, people who prefer the suffering of search to formal happiness, has acquired some disdain, condescending pity. Fools, fools, dreamers - all those whom the Russian epic sometimes treats with irony, but at the same time with great respect and love, today would risk receiving the social label of losers. Not only does this deepen the gap between them and the rest of the “normal” world and complicate the process of their self-realization, it also deprives society of a huge resource.

The attitude towards formal happiness, rooted since childhood, leads to the fact that it is difficult for a person to postpone his pleasures, to consciously renounce them for the sake of some ephemeral depth of his soul. And he does not go for it, denying these deep, vague needs in himself. And just as latent homosexuality sometimes leads to homophobia, latent deep-seated unrealization causes rejection by those who are ready for conscious suffering for the sake of some higher goals. And then the word “loser” is pronounced like a mantra, helping to drown out anxiety and not notice doubts. That is why I try not to use it, at least without intonation quotation marks.

I deeply believe in the ability of large systems to self-regulate. A society that deviates from an effective way of existence weakens itself and, as a result, either perishes, or, at the cost of cataclysms and great losses, realizes its mistakes and corrects them. Ideology and culture are what makes a group of disparate people a SOCIETY, giving them COMMON values ​​and aspirations. The devaluation and flattening of these categories inevitably weakens us and deprives us of the incentive to move towards non-material goals, overcoming pain and suffering. And I am sure that times will come when the modern egocentric paradigm will become unviable, and then society, feeling completely in the role of a loser, will turn to its Others. We will have to learn from them to exist in this role, following, no matter what, our spiritual path and gaining strength and happiness through it.

I feel sorry for myself

A loser always feels sorry for himself. If he had been born into a professorial family, and not into a working class one, completely different opportunities would have opened up for him. If only I lived in the capital, and not in a provincial town, I would find a good job and receive a large salary. If only I had received a different education, I would now be a boss, and not an always pushing subordinate... And tears come to my eyes, and self-pity threatens to drown my soul. You should not feel sorry for yourself, but praise yourself. Look for the pros, not the cons, in your situation. And think about how to change circumstances.

I love freebies

Greed and love for free things are clear signs of a loser. He never buys expensive, high-quality goods, because the main thing for him is cheapness. So he scours the stores in search of promotions. He buys clothes that don’t suit him, and maybe he doesn’t need them, but there’s a discount on them. He buys food because tomorrow it will be more expensive - even though there will be worms in the supplies and he will have to throw everything away. He makes preparations for the winter, investing heavily in them, and then throws three-year-old canned goods and potatoes that have sprouted in the basement into the trash. Even having started his own business, a loser is not able to develop it, because he does not dare to invest in development. He prefers to spend everything on immediate needs.

Who is a loser?

A loser is a person who does not succeed; it is very easy for him to lose and give up. In Western style, such people are also called outsiders or losers. No matter what they do, their ventures rarely end in success. It is impossible to say that these people are stupid. They just have a special type of thinking that attracts failure. This is not a disease or mental disorder, but the path in life that people choose for themselves, or that their immediate environment tells them.

I immediately remember the joke about a wife who reproaches her unlucky husband.

“You are the biggest loser in the whole world! Even if there was a competition for the most unlucky person, you would take second place! - Why at least the second? “Yes, because you’re a loser!”

Often this complex is formed in childhood. It is connected with appropriate upbringing . Then it only intensifies in kindergarten, school, college and at work. The classic loser finally “matures” during the period of growing up. It was then that “I’m a loser” takes root in his head - a phrase that determines his whole life.

In America they are called losers, in our country they are called suckers. The more developed the country, the more difficult it is for a person to psychologically endure his failures. In Japan, for example, a whole subculture of losers has formed, which they call hihikomori. These are young people who literally isolate themselves from society, tired of fighting for their “place in the Sun.”

They sit at home for days and don't go anywhere . The only people they see for many years are relatives and psychologists. In a country that exalts the cult of the workaholic, gihikomori are considered real outcasts, a disgrace to their family. The scale of this phenomenon is truly terrifying - more than 700,000 young Japanese. Similar cases are known all over the world; their statistics are simply not kept.

The loser is absolutely no different from the winner in terms of anatomical or physiological indicators. The main feature of this type is a psychological mindset for failure. It shapes his worldview, communication and actions, distinguishable even by the “naked eye.”

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Badly brought up

A loser behaves like an ill-mannered person. Late for meetings, violates agreements, does not follow rules. He loves to get into arguments, apparently believing that in this way he proves his superiority. Dresses incorrectly: he may show up for a job interview in shorts and unshaven, not understanding that his unconventionality should be shown in business, and not in neglecting generally accepted norms. Meanwhile, according to the famous American business coach Jim Rohn, success is a few simple rules that are followed daily, and failure is a few mistakes that are also made daily.

Losers are not born - they are made, say knowledgeable people. Remember: your life is in your hands. Don't be afraid to act, take responsibility, and luck will smile on you.

© Ilyina Natalia, BBF.RU

Who is a loser? This is a gossip man!

If you are known among people as a person who spreads slander to everyone left and right, who gossips about everyone about everyone - you are already an outsider!

No one will ever trust you!

The quality of a loser is irresponsibility!

Very often we see people who constantly shift any responsibility or blame onto other people, this in turn greatly slows down the process of making any decisions and leads to problematic situations.

Until you become fully responsible for your life, for your actions, you will always be in the shadow of a loser!

You will never be a winner, a leader and the person who can completely change the world and decorate it!

Pessimism is a sign of a loser!

I'm not talking about a fleeting amount of pessimism that appears from time to time in every person - I'm talking about constant pessimism, about constant whining about a “bad life”!

How to become an optimist and not be a sad turd?

This pessimism of yours, your constant dissatisfaction with something, your inability to see at least sometimes the beauty of life - forces others to completely avoid communicating with you.

Such pessimism completely paralyzes a person and makes him helpless!

Pull yourself together!!!