Husband doesn’t want a child: reasons and ways to convince him otherwise

We have been married for 2 years, together for 3 years in total. I am 28 years old. and I feel that I need a child, otherwise, due to my health, I may no longer be able to. husband is 3 years younger. I talked to him, explained, but he has excuses, either there is not enough money, then we are quarreling, then he has a cold and again he just needs a condom. sometimes he says that he is afraid to have a child, and I think this is the most honest answer. Perhaps he doesn’t love me enough, sometimes in quarrels he is ready to divorce me, and he is afraid that with a child you won’t just leave me. I’m already writing my vision of the situation. Tell me, why do you live with him then? I went out of love, and by nature I was such that I couldn’t run away to look for someone else, and I couldn’t get pregnant right away. I have very smart, kind parents, they will always support me, the child will still be fine, even if my husband leaves. I’m ready for anything, I love him, and I really want a child. the years go by. I persuaded him to do it without a condom, so he brazenly uses the interrupted act, when she asked why, he mumbled that he didn’t know. Should I rape him? or say that I want full sex, as long as I can protect myself, 3 years already, as lovers, and not husband and wife. doesn’t want a child, because it’s more convenient for him to live this way, as I understand it, but what should I do? I really don't have time. dear women, what would you do in my place? would you be decisive? to say? (based on materials from one of the forums).

This is how every second forum on the Internet begins! Trend! Why don't husbands want to have children?

How can you understand why your husband doesn’t want children yet?

When the husband does not want children, but the wife does, this may indicate that:

1. The husband is bad, because he has some secret plans for his future life. Which does not include not only the children from this wife, but also this wife herself.
2. The husband is not competent regarding the status of father and husband - he is mentally and morally not ready to be a father. And, therefore, a husband. A husband who does not want children is not a full-fledged husband, but is more like a cohabitant or a constant lover or friend.
3. The husband is reasonable and responsible: he sees and understands that it is not desirable for him and his wife to have children at the moment.
4. The husband does not want children from this wife. Because she believes that she is not ready, cannot, at all or now, be a good mother, and possibly a wife. But, is he so reasonable and good as a husband and as a man: why, excuse me, was he to get married - to “occupy” a woman. If you cannot ensure her natural right and desire to have children!

In most cases, the reasons for a man's reluctance to have a child are known. He understands that the birth of a child will make dramatic changes in his usual life. Who wants to radically change their life if it is already beautiful? Many men, despite their age, remain children at heart for a very long time. Why does the family have another child besides him? He is afraid of losing the attention and care of his beloved woman, because after giving birth she will completely belong to the child. One of the reasons may be fear of new responsibility and restriction of freedom. It is one thing to live together with a beloved woman, and quite another, with a woman and a newborn child, when all the worries fall on the shoulders of the strong and courageous, and he becomes the support of the family.

What if a man treats children differently?

If you have a child from a previous relationship and another one born from your husband, then you may notice that your husband treats children differently. Maybe he loves his, but not yours.

Human nature has much in common with the animal world. On a subconscious level, we want only the best for our babies. And we protect them even from imaginary threats and dangers. While the man did not have a child, he could treat yours evenly and calmly. But with the advent of your common baby, your eldest has become a competitor. Now it comes to sharing mom’s attention, time and resources.

Talk to your husband. Under no circumstances should children be divided into right and wrong. They must be treated equally and punished equally. It would be unfair to put one in a corner for breaking a cup, and simply tell the other to be more careful next time. Children remember such things very clearly and acutely feel injustice.

Discuss your gift budget. Your husband is not obliged to support a child that is not his, but the gifts must be of equal value. If your husband wants to raise his child to be a decent person to whom people will be drawn, then in no case should you create and cultivate in him a feeling of superiority over others.

In general, this situation is very difficult. What if a man with a child comes into your life? How would you react to this yourself?

Other people's children irritate and drive you crazy. Don't blame him for this. But what makes us family is not the common genes in our DNA, but something more. This is the time we spend together, the attention we pay to each other. Surely you have a friend who is closer than some distant relatives?

So, try to make sure that everyone in the family becomes family to each other. Communicate, share news, be interested in each other. Forbid yourself and everyone else from criticizing and condemning during these conversations. When you accept each other and learn to trust, then the opposite opinion will not be regarded as criticism or interference in your personal life.

Psychologist's Advice

Stop building and having illusions. This is very dangerous and can lead to:

1. You will never have children with him, because, and this is the law of life, he will always lack something in order to finally have a child. If he doesn’t want children now, then he won’t want them even more - the habit of living without children will simply become insurmountable for him.
2. If the husband does not want children, then it does not really matter how he motivates his reluctance to have children. The main thing is that he doesn’t want children, but you do! Here is an image for you, for comparison: You are a blooming flower, blossoming in all your nature. And he is a drone who only wants to land on this flower - to use it, but not to pollinate it. And then what? The drone will fly to other flowers, or maybe it’s already flying. And the flower will wither and dry up, never experiencing the happiness of fertilization and never seeing its fruits.
3. You can wait long and hard for children, but if your husband does not want children. Then, at one “wonderful” time, you will find that your train has already left: - women’s diseases, abortions, and other consequences of lack of childbearing have ruined your health and deprived you of the opportunity to have children. if you persuade him or present him with a fait accompli. It’s completely stupid to expect that he will instantly become a loving father and husband, rolled into one. Of course, there is a chance that his paternal instinct will awaken. And in gratitude for the fact that you gave birth to a child, he will love you even more. But, have you calculated this chance, are you sure of this, do you have guarantees?
4. And I’ll tell you that if your husband doesn’t want children now, then the chance that he will want them after they appear is 1 in 100, no more. There will be children, but whether they will have a father or a good father, and you have a husband or a good husband, is a “big question.”
5. If your husband doesn’t want to have children, then once and for all forget this common, excuse me, woman’s idea: I give birth, I’ll tie my husband, and then where will he go? Husbands leave their beloved and desired children if things don’t go well with their wives. It will be even easier for your husband to leave you. By the way, at the same time accusing you of the fact that it was you who wanted children, and because of them you are now breaking up.

In a situation where a man does not want a child yet, it is useless to pester him with persuasion or put pressure on him. Aggressive pressure can lead to a man trying to avoid any situations that could lead to a conversation about the birth of a child and becoming irritable. It is also dangerous to put forward ultimatums: “Either we give birth to a child, or we separate,” the answer may not be in favor of the family. It is necessary not to convince a man, but to bring him to the point where he himself realizes and wants a child. A confidential conversation will be very helpful. You need to ask the man about how he sees the future together, about his expectations, fears, and experiences. It is almost impossible to change his opinion diametrically at the first conversation, but a woman can share her vision of a common future in which children will be an important component of happiness. After all, the first steps have already been taken: throughout their entire life together, the couple manages to smooth out rough edges, maintain an atmosphere of warmth and mutual understanding, and cope with any difficulties together. Isn't this a compelling argument in favor of further strengthening the family? After all, a child does not destroy, but strengthens the family. Many men cannot imagine life with a small child. A clear example can be given: going to visit friends who have children, thereby making the man feel that in a family with children, the relationship between the spouses is no worse, and children bring joy to the house. A real manly conversation between the father of the family and an indecisive man can also have a positive effect.

If the husband doesn't want a child

Many couples prefer to plan the birth of a child by discussing this issue in advance. From a psychological point of view, pregnancy begins precisely with the decision about the possibility of adding to the family. But it often happens that the husband does not want the money. Then the woman faces the question: “What should I do? Maybe make a decision on your own and confront it with a fact?”

However, the birth of a child is a process in which not only the expectant mother is involved, but also her man and the baby himself, which is why it is so important to come to an agreement and make a mutual decision. Otherwise, the consequences can be very negative both for the woman herself and for the unborn child, not to mention family relationships. After all, it may happen that, being not ready for fatherhood, but presented with a fact, a man will feel betrayed and completely withdraw, which will affect both the psychological state of the woman and the relationship between the spouses (up to the possibility of remaining a single mother).

Thus, an important task for a woman who has decided to become a mother is to prepare her spouse for the idea of ​​pregnancy, discuss this issue and jointly decide to have a child. The most important question remains to be clarified: how to do this?

What is pregnancy for a man?

First of all, a woman should think about the fact that men, for the most part, are somewhat different in themselves: they are more rational, pragmatic, calculating than women. And, perhaps, these qualities are most clearly manifested in such an important issue as pregnancy planning .

Usually, pregnancy becomes the next stage in the development of relationships, after the formation of a family (and it is not so important whether these relationships are formalized), a new peak that brings mutual satisfaction and happiness to the spouses... However, a woman often comes to the idea of ​​pregnancy intuitively, just at one fine moment realizing that she needs a child. A man needs time to think about his feelings and desires, a joint future and inevitable changes; it is important for him to weigh the pros and cons, evaluate and make a rational decision.

On the other hand, when planning a pregnancy among representatives of the stronger sex, the emotional component is also actively involved. A man may be afraid of changes occurring with his beloved, changes in the already established way of life of the family, in attitude towards him and in intimate life... Sometimes men are afraid for their freedom and independence, they are afraid of losing their influence and control. And in an effort to make a mutual decision about the birth of a child, a woman needs to take into account such features of male psychology, understanding and accepting them. Otherwise, criticism, excessive pressure and pressure, reproaches and daily persuasion will have the opposite effect, alienating spouses from each other and destroying their relationship.

Anna and Sergei got married a year ago and were quite happy in their marriage. Both are already quite mature and self-sufficient people who have managed to arrange their lives and careers. Anna began to think seriously about children, believing that their family had all the conditions for having a child, but this issue was never raised “at the family council.” “I can’t be the first to talk to him about this topic - I’m waiting for him to say that he would like a child. But he is silent... I tried to hint, paid attention to the kids on the street, but he just smiles back and doesn’t react at all. I really want a child, but I’m afraid of his refusal.” Anna became irritable, touchy, quarrels became more frequent in the family, and the spouses began to move away from each other.

In many families, a situation often arises when spouses, for some reason, cannot talk openly with each other, and in most cases this concerns significant issues, such as pregnancy. Conversations with hints, ambiguous phrases, “thinking out” thoughts and desires for your partner, the belief that the other person himself must guess and understand what you want to tell him, lead to an incorrect interpretation of each other’s actions. In relationships, “understatement”, mistrust and coldness arise. The spouses feel that they no longer understand each other. A vicious circle arises.

This is the prospect of developments in Anna’s situation if her policy towards her husband remains unchanged. After all, it is impossible to come to a mutual decision if the issue itself has not been clearly and clearly voiced. It seems to her that her desires lie on the surface and should be clearly understood by the man she loves, and if he is in no hurry to fulfill them, it means he doesn’t want to, and ignores them. Hence the resentment, irritation, and unnecessary quarrels. However, we are all different people with different ways of thinking. The first thing Anna should think about is that her husband may not understand her hints because he is not thinking about children at the moment and does not know about her desire to have a child, but this does not mean that he does not want children.

First, a woman needs to openly discuss this issue with her husband, talking about her feelings and emotions, while maintaining the most calm and sincere tone. The main thing is to structure the conversation in such a way that the husband appreciates his importance in the matter of family planning. First, you should indicate your desire and emotions, for example: “I have been thinking about having a baby for a long time, but I don’t know how you feel about it. You don't talk about it, and I'm afraid you don't want to. That’s why I became so nervous and irritable.” It is very important to remind how important the husband’s position is, his opinion: “We must make this decision together, I want our child to be a joy for both of us.” And the most important thing is to say what Anna expects from her husband, what she really wants to get from the conversation (men love specifics): “I want to know how you feel about us having a baby, and I would like to discuss it now...” By conducting a conversation according to this scheme, Anna will be able to restore a trusting atmosphere in her relationship with Sergei, convey to him her desires and clarify his position regarding the birth of the baby.

The husband is not against the child, but...

Lisa and Andrey met when they were very young, and from then on they considered themselves family. We went through all the difficulties together, got an education, built a career... A few years later we got married, rented an apartment, Andrei began to do his favorite job. They both wanted a child, but they were waiting until they could “rise up” and provide for more than just themselves. Meanwhile, Lisa began to understand more and more clearly that she was missing a tiny creature to take care of, but Andrei still believed that they could not bear a child.

To begin with, it is worth noting that in Liza’s situation there are some positive aspects that can later be built on. Firstly, both spouses have a potential desire to become parents, i.e. for the husband, the idea of ​​fatherhood is not obviously negative. Secondly, we can say that communication in the family is not disrupted. The spouses discuss the idea of ​​pregnancy, the husband is ready to express his position and, what is important, clearly names the reasons that, from his point of view, do not allow them to have a child yet. Lisa’s future behavior will depend on these reasons.

In the described case, the husband names a fairly objective barrier to parenthood for this family – financial difficulties. These circumstances are real and in fact can complicate both the pregnancy period and the first time of life with the baby, so Andrey shows an adult and responsible position by postponing the birth of the child. Like a true man, he strategically thinks through the future of the family, so it would be worth listening to his arguments. However, this situation is dangerous because in the modern world, for the average family, material problems are practically not eliminated one way or another. The husband’s desire to achieve good career growth and arrange the family’s life before having children is completely justified and understandable, but Lisa feels that their couple needs development, since they have been together for a long time. Therefore, in this case, the spouses can be advised to first of all discuss what it means to “not pull a child”, whether this is actually the case or many of the benefits that Andrei outlined are not so important for the baby and are secondary. For example, it would be nice to have a stable job and a suitable apartment, even a rented one, before the birth of a child, to calculate the real costs associated with the addition of another family member... But it is hardly logical to delay the birth of a child until purchasing a car. Lisa’s task in this situation is to show what exactly they need for the child, and agree to wait until these goals are achieved, and also to convince her husband that they will also have everything else, but with the baby.

Husband versus child: a lot of excuses

Lately, small quarrels have often begun to arise in Yana’s family over a future pregnancy: “Kostya is constantly stalling for time. It seems that everything has already been decided, all the necessary tests have been completed, and we even lead a healthy lifestyle, but as soon as it comes to the decisive step, he always has some reason to wait some more. I can’t stand this uncertainty anymore.”

Most likely, in this situation, the man is not yet ready to become a father, therefore, claiming that he wants to have a child, and even taking distant steps in this regard (for example, medical research when planning a pregnancy), he is constantly looking for many excuses, postponing pregnancy “for Then". The reason for looking for plausible excuses is the inability to express one’s true attitude towards fatherhood due to the social condemnation of reluctance to have children and insufficient trust in the relationship between spouses. Therefore, first of all, Yana can be advised not to put pressure on her husband, but to gently push him into a confidential conversation, when he could psychologically relax and show his true attitude towards the thought of a child, and not the attitude accepted in society. Then it would become clear in what light he sees fatherhood, what aspects he considers negative in a future pregnancy and life with the baby, and what, in his opinion, he will lose. It is important for Yana to recognize her husband’s right to experience these negative feelings and that he may not be ready to be a father now; he needs to give him time to form this readiness. But Yana may well help to ensure that readiness for parenthood develops faster.

You should not issue ultimatums and blame your husband every day: this will only strengthen his negative feelings. Yana needs to show that her love for Kostya has not disappeared anywhere: “I understood what you are afraid of and that you are not yet ready for the birth of a child, and I am glad that we figured it out. But I love you and I want your child and I hope that over time you will change your mind.” Yana needs to continue to develop the topic of children, gradually instilling confidence in her husband and creating a positive image of a future together with the baby. It would not be amiss to pay attention to those Kostya qualities that would characterize him as a good father. Unpleasant and disturbing moments for the husband also need to be discussed, but not unfoundedly convincing him that “everything will be wrong,” but by giving examples of friends, expert opinions, scientific data and accurate calculations.

My husband doesn't want a child

For Igor, marriage with Natalya is his second attempt to create a family. They have been together for about five years, but Igor still shows a categorical reluctance to have children. For Natalya, this topic became especially painful after visiting a doctor, who said that her chances of giving birth to a healthy child remained less and less. “I know that Igor was initially against children, and that used to suit me. But now I understand that I really want a baby. I love my husband, but I don’t know how to convince him..."

Typically, the decision to have a child is a natural desire of a couple at a certain stage in the development of the relationship, when the “absorption” of each other fades away somewhat. Then the spouses feel the need for further development, to continue their love in the child. If, quite a long time after the formation of a family, one of the spouses is ready to have a child, but the other does not want this, it is necessary to find out the reasons and try to find a compromise for further relations.

If initially both spouses planned to have children together, but then the position of one of them (usually a man) changed, and in a categorical form (“I don’t want to have a child”), this may indicate a breakdown in the relationship. It often happens that a woman, subconsciously feeling the growing tension in the family, strives to give birth to a child in order to strengthen the marriage, but a man, also reacting to changes in relationships, cannot decide to take such a step. In this case, the woman needs to understand that a child is not a means of solving the problem, and in a growing conflict situation, its appearance will only aggravate the tension. First, you need to improve relationships in the family, restore a comfortable atmosphere on your own or with the help of specialists, and then raise the issue of children.

In the situation of Igor and Natalya, the man stipulated in advance the moment of pregnancy planning and warned about his position, so he cannot be accused of “deceiving expectations” or “destroying hopes.” And first of all, Natalya should explain to her husband what has changed in her attitude to this issue, in addition to her feelings, citing objective facts, such as a doctor’s opinion. It is important to convey to the man that they may lose the very opportunity to have a child, and how difficult it will be for Natalia.

If in this case Igor remains adamant, most likely he has serious reasons for such a decision. Perhaps he knows about some of his unfavorable heredity, which can be passed on to the child, or he had a painful experience of fatherhood and is afraid of a repetition. In any case, Natalya can be advised to delicately find out the reasons for this position not only from Igor himself, but also from his relatives, and try to find out the history of his previous marriage. It is important to reorient your husband from the position of “I won’t have children” to the position of “I have reasons not to want a child,” then these problems can be dealt with together.

Natalya should talk to her husband not only about her desire to have a child, but also about his feelings, convince him that she understands them and is ready to seek a compromise, but hopes for the same understanding of her needs. Perhaps spouses should put off talking about children for a while, so as not to aggravate the conflict situation in the family, and at this time visit specialists who could help understand the reasons for not wanting to have a child (psychologist, geneticist, family planning specialist). You can also advise Natalya to ease the pressure on Igor, but ask him to go with her to her doctor so that he can get first-hand information. The opinion of an authoritative specialist can for the first time make a man doubt the correctness of his point of view. The main thing is to begin to further resolve the issue of children.

Basic mistakes

Very often you can hear the following phrase from women: “My husband doesn’t want a child, how can I persuade him?” Here are a few principles that women should consider in their behavior:

• It is important to try to understand what motivates your husband, accept him for who he is, and show him your understanding.
• You should not threaten what will happen if your husband does not agree with you; it is better to paint a beautiful picture of the future that awaits you if he meets you halfway.
• Don't expect instant results. A person needs time for your position, which is initially alien to him, to become his desire.
• Rigidity and categoricalness are bad helpers. Be flexible and look for compromises. It is important to find those points where your and your husband’s interests coincide at least partially. For example, if your husband now dreams not of a child, but of a new car, consider this as preparation for the birth of a baby and agree to buy a family-type car. And even if your and your husband’s points of view regarding the child are radically opposite, you are probably both interested in maintaining and improving your relationship. Therefore, agree on the period for which you are willing to postpone pregnancy plans.

The birth of a child is a great happiness and a huge responsibility, therefore, in order for pregnancy to be enjoyable for both partners, and for the child to be born in love and harmony, it is worth making considerable efforts!

Financial problems cannot be solved

If a man argues for his reluctance to have a child by saying that your family’s current financial situation is not good enough, you need to very carefully analyze the situation around you. Drop all your emotions, ambitions and desires. And think - maybe your spouse is right, and you can’t afford to have a baby right now? In order to understand this situation as impartially as possible, answer the questions below (“yes” or “no”):

• Does your family have material savings?
• Can someone provide you with financial support?
• Have you resolved your housing issue?
• You are working?
• Does your family have major financial problems?

After analyzing the answers, you will understand whether your family has really been affected by the global crisis, or whether it’s just your husband’s fear that takes over. If there is no threat of bankruptcy, but the man continues to insist that he does not want a child, try to reliably find out the true reasons for his reluctance.

I want a child and that’s it!

Do not appeal to your spouse’s emotions by using the expression “I really want a baby, please. Well, just imagine how wonderful it will be. I really want to give birth!” It is much more reasonable to ask a few specific questions to help a man understand his feelings and emotions. For example, ask him a direct question: “Do you want to have children right now, or never in principle? I'm not talking about the second, third! One! The first one? If a man answers that having children is not part of his life plans, ask him if he realizes that with this decision he is completely depriving you of the opportunity to become a mother? In the event that we are talking about a second child, ask your spouse if he is ready to deliberately deprive his child of the opportunity to have a brother or sister? As a rule, such serious questions, asked calmly, without any hint of hysteria, have a very sobering effect on a man, forcing him to think seriously and even reconsider his decision.

If for some reason you were unable to do this on your own, seek help from a family psychologist. Many women are embarrassed to discuss such problems with anyone, but believe me, professional help will bring you much more benefit than “kind” advice from friends on how to get pregnant secretly from your husband. If a man tells you that, in principle, he is not against having a child, just not at this stage of your life, your task will be to find out what exactly confuses him today. Together, in a calm atmosphere, discuss the problems you have and try to find the best possible ways to solve them. You may decide to purchase a more spacious apartment using a mortgage loan, or start saving money. Any married couple knows exactly what they need most.

If your man promises you that there will still be a child in your family, even if not now, but a little later, he must name exactly the time when this will happen. Unfortunately, it also happens that a man names a date, and then looks for a new excuse for a subsequent postponement. Therefore, by accepting this condition, let your man understand that for you his word is the most reliable guarantor in the world. Believe me, if your partner realizes the full extent and depth of your trust in him, he will take his promise very seriously and will try his best not to lose your favor and trust. But if a woman decides to become pregnant in secret from her husband, she risks forever losing not only his trust, but also the man himself.

Why some men initially don't like their own children

Any woman, even at the stage of pregnancy, becomes attached to her baby and is imbued with a feeling of deep tenderness and love for him.
In men, these feelings manifest themselves much later, when they already have the opportunity to play with the little one, communicate with him, even non-verbally, and get to know him better. Fatherly feelings awaken especially strongly when a son or daughter grows up and begins to show qualities similar to the father’s character, or when children begin to support and share his hobbies and interests with their father. It takes different men different amounts of time to accept their own offspring. Some already, from the cradle, love to tinker with their baby, while others only realize from school age that this is their little copy. Therefore, you should not needlessly spoil your relationship with your husband, scold him, shame him, and especially compare him with other “ideal” fathers. Everyone shows their love in different ways. The main thing is that the father provides for the children, takes them to kindergarten, a club or a walk when required, and treats the mother of his children with respect.

But if, as he grows up, love and warm feelings for his dear little man never come to his father and he does not want to bear responsibility for him, then there is only one reason for this. Most likely, he initially did not intend to become a father. There are situations when a baby is not included in a man’s immediate plans, but a woman expects that the situation will magically change as soon as she becomes pregnant. Not every man likes such surprises, especially if he initially did not love the woman and did not have strong feelings for her. This approach on her part only aggravates the situation, because he obviously begins to have a negative attitude towards the “unplanned” child.

You can’t be nice by force, and we don’t have the right to force a man to love and adore his own son or daughter if he doesn’t want it. But a woman has the power to instill in her husband a caring attitude, care and interest in her child. The main thing is to do this in doses and gradually. At the same time, you should not condemn and strictly reproach him if he does not do something very well in dealing with children.

To give birth or not to give birth - that is the question!

Experienced psychologists advise women not to rush and not make hasty decisions about the birth of a baby without the consent of their husband. Remember that fatherhood is not a natural instinct for a man. After all, a man, unlike a woman, does not carry his child under his heart for 9 months, feeling his every movement. Fatherhood is a social phenomenon that comes at different times after the birth of a child - for some in a minute, for others in a month, for others in a year, and for others never at all. And if during that difficult period when a man is in the process of realizing himself as a father, various negative psychological factors are added that can put too much pressure on the man. Often husbands “break down” and simply leave the family, leaving the woman and baby alone. Are you ready to take this risk? You should not hope that a similar situation will not happen to you. As statistics show, this outcome awaits approximately 40% of all couples where the birth of a baby was a unilateral decision. Another 20% of couples continue to live together, but the spouses constantly fight, which also has a very adverse effect on the psychological atmosphere in the family. Agree: this is not at all the rosy prospect that you picture for yourself?

After all, if the man does leave, you alone will be entirely responsible for your baby. Think carefully about whether you are ready for such a turn of events - it is not as simple as it might seem at first glance. And it’s not even a matter of financial situation; money is not the most important thing. It is much more difficult to realize that the baby’s dad will not share with you the joy of the first smile, the first tooth, or the first steps of your baby. It is also impossible not to mention that sometimes there are cases (but they still happen) when a baby conceived against the will of the husband, after the departure of his father, becomes unnecessary for his mother. Of course, the woman continues to take care of the baby, feed him, buy the best things and products. But the baby does not feel the warmth and sincere love of his mother, which he so desperately needs. There are often situations when a single mother begins to organize her personal life, and the child ends up in the care of grandparents. However, a woman must remember that even the most loving relatives, with all their desire, are not able to replace the baby’s family - mom and dad. And very often a woman simply does not realize all the responsibility, continuing to puzzle over the dilemma “I want a child, but my husband does not.”

Does not express emotions due to character

All men are by nature less emotional than women. But there are cases when a person is also very closed in character and stingy in expressing feelings. In this case, even if he is very happy with his child and loves him very much, he will never mention it or show it outwardly. As a rule, any wife knows such nuances well and only in her power can she try to “melt” an icy heart. If a new addition is planned to the family and a woman knows about such “callousness” of her man, then it is worth preparing him for the arrival of the baby in advance.

• Go out more often with friends or acquaintances who have children. In these meetings, he will be able to see the attitude of fathers towards their offspring and their care. It will also be important for him to listen to stories of overcoming the first difficulties that arise at the birth of a child.
• Even at the stage of pregnancy, allow your husband to watch how your baby moves, put his hand on your tummy so that he himself feels the first tremors of small arms and legs. Be sure to take it with you to the ultrasound.
• Don’t snap at your husband and don’t criticize him for his insensitive attitude towards the tiny little man. On the contrary, try in every possible way to interest and encourage any, even small, manifestations of feelings.

Prohibited and permitted practices

Women have three favorite arguments that they like to give when putting psychological pressure on a man who does not want to have a child:

• "You are a complete egoist"
• "You don't love me at all"
• “Have you thought about who will help us in old age?”

According to family psychologists, such arguments will not bring any benefit at all, but will only anger the man. In order to achieve your goal, it is better to draw your man’s attention to the physiological side of the issue. As you know, not every woman’s menstrual cycle is full; there are so-called anovulatory cycles, in which the egg does not mature and, accordingly, pregnancy is impossible in principle.

Until about 30 years of age, such “empty” cycles occur no more than one or two per year. After thirty years, the number of these cycles begins to grow rapidly, and by the age of 35 it reaches five to six cases per year. As you understand, in such a case, a woman’s chances of becoming pregnant rapidly decrease. In addition, late pregnancies are very often accompanied by various pathologies that threaten not only the health of the mother, but also the well-being of the baby. And the birth process itself is more difficult the older the woman is, especially when it comes to cases of first birth. If talking about cycles doesn’t work, start talking to your man about what you love most—himself. After all, with age, he also has something to fear. Once a man reaches the age of forty, the quality of his sperm begins to deteriorate significantly. It contains fewer and fewer active, viable sperm capable of fertilizing an egg. Such information will definitely make your man think, especially if your words are supported by special literature.

Respect and Understanding

In order not to encounter such a problem, it is much wiser to find out all the questions that interest you before getting married. Be sure to have an open conversation and find out whether your future spouse plans to have children and how many - one, two, or maybe more? Such a conversation can clarify many issues and avoid misunderstandings and disagreements in the future.

Very often, a woman, having learned that a man does not plan and does not want to have children, breaks off all relations with him. Of course, this is your right, and no one can tell you what to do in this situation. However, believe me that a man who honestly spoke about his unwillingness to have children deserves much more respect than one who became the father of one or two children and does not want to participate in their lives at all. Agree that it is much more honest to immediately say about your reluctance to have children, rather than dooming the woman to disappointment and depriving the children of their father’s attention.