What it is
A lie is a conscious statement by a person that does not correspond to the truth. In other words, the deliberate transmission of distorted information that does not correspond to reality. Even silence in certain situations can be considered a lie. For example, when a person deliberately tries to hide or conceal any information.
Benjamin Disraeli once said: “There are three kinds of lies: statistics, lies and damned lies.” This expression is considered rather humorous, but, as everyone knows, there is some truth in every joke. Then these words were paraphrased many times, and their authorship was attributed to different people. Today you can often hear modern interpretations. For example: “There are 3 types of lies: lies, damned lies and advertising,” or “...lies, damned lies and election promises.”
Mistakes a liar makes when speaking
When a person tells a lie, his speech may be incoherent or, conversely, polished. Sometimes even professionals find it difficult to expose a liar. But if you analyze the conversation, you can find hidden and obvious signs of lies.
Reservations
Even if a person memorizes phrases and thinks through every word, there are still reservations. Of course, based on this alone one cannot say with certainty that the opponent is telling a lie. Inaccuracies and slips in conversation appear when there is excitement, and this condition is caused by various factors. However, if slips of the tongue occur very often during a conversation, it is worth considering whether the interlocutor is lying.
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Pause
In communication, pauses are signs of manipulation. If desired, influence on another person is used specifically. But an opponent who cannot quickly answer the question posed is, in most cases, lying. He needs to figure out on the fly how not to get burned, what to say in his own defense. In such situations, liars either say something absurd or remain silent. If before this, during the conversation, the interlocutor did not take breaks in communication, spoke clearly, answered questions, then sudden silence is a clear symptom of a lie.
Memorized phrases, repetitions
In order for your interlocutor to accept a lie as the truth, you need to try hard. The deceiver rehearses his speech, memorizes phrases, and selects answers to possible compromising questions in advance. There is nothing to complain about here, if not for one thing: the liar repeats memorized phrases several times, even if they are not entirely appropriate. I'm afraid to say something unnecessary.
Another symptom of lying and deception is repeating the phrases of the interlocutor. Example:
- Darling, did you cheat on me while I was away?
- No, my love, I didn’t cheat while you were away!
In this way, the liar plays for time, determines the best model of behavior in the current situation, and figures out what to say next on the fly.
An inexperienced liar is caught making primitive mistakes. Denies the obvious, says nonsense, mumbles something off topic, tries to avoid the conversation. Another sign of a liar is an attempt to turn the tables, to blame an opponent for something. A liar comes up with offensive phrases and insults only to unbalance his opponent and silence him. In this case, the expression is appropriate: “The best defense is attack.”
Untruth, lies and deception
There are three types of lies in psychotherapy: untruth, lies and deception. To this day, scientists are trying to understand whether there is a difference between these concepts. Untruth is a delusion; a person believes what he says, but his opinion turns out to be wrong. That is, a person does not realize that he is wrong and deceives unintentionally. This may be due to lack of knowledge or misinterpretation of a situation.
A lie is considered to be a deliberate misrepresentation of information. In everyday life, jokes and metaphors cannot be considered lies. So, for example, it would be wrong to take the proverb literally:
The fairy tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it! A lesson to good fellows.
The fairy tale is not a lie due to the fact that the author is not trying to pass off what is written as the truth. But is lying always a negative thing? There are situations in which words depend more on circumstances than on people. For example, should the pilot of an airplane that crashes tell the passengers the truth? Should a son tell his mother, who has cancer, that he himself is terminally ill?
A half-truth can be called deception when a person does not report all the facts known to him with the expectation that the second person will draw incorrect conclusions (but those that are beneficial to the deceiver). Half-truths cannot always be called deception. If a girl honestly admits to her friend that she cannot give out all the information about a certain case, this will not be considered deception.
So, we can distinguish these types of lies in psychology: untruth, lies and deception.
Distortion
The previous type of lie is relatively safe.
But what to do when you are “caught in the act”? In such cases, manipulation and distortion of facts are usually practiced, which are presented as the truth. Using distortion as a type of lie, a person tells a lie.
Have you ever resorted to such an action as falsifying facts? Remember, while you were trying to get this or that job, did you tell a lie to a potential employer?
If a liar is caught in a lie, then he, as a rule, uses such a technique as distortion of facts. In particular, when there is a need to hide your emotional experiences. Note that the more emotions a person has, the more difficult it is to hide them from others. Feelings of fear can reveal a liar.
As a rule, if deceivers are faced with a choice - which form of lie to choose, they choose silence , since it is much more profitable. Also, remaining silent is usually much easier than outright telling a lie, because you don’t need to do anything to do this.
However, during distortion without a well-planned story, there is a possibility that you may be caught in a lie. Thus, if a doctor deceives a patient in order to conceal the fatal outcome of the patient’s illness, he should remember well everything he told the latter so as not to contradict himself a few days later.
Lies are like gossip
People constantly transmit information to each other. At the same time, everyone perceives it in their own way, some embellish it, some forget the details and substitute fictitious ones instead. During a conversation, someone often “underhears” something, then tells someone else, adding something of his own, and the latter fantasizes, adds something else, and the information reaches the third person already half distorted. This is how gossip is born.
Example: “Alina said that Masha said that Nadya saw him with his mistress!” In fact, Nadya saw how a guy, leaving a cafe, held the door for a girl, and then they walked in the same direction, keeping a distance of several meters.
Lies as subterfuge
“Sorry, I’m late, because there are terrible traffic jams on the road,” says Andrey. But he thinks: “Actually, I’m late because yesterday I was late with friends at the bar, and in the morning I didn’t hear the alarm clock.”
“I didn’t come to the first class because Masha told me that there would be no classes,” says Albina. But she thinks: “In fact, I didn’t come because Masha told me that she and her friend wouldn’t go to the first couple, so I also wanted to skip.”
Lying as an evasion is the most common type of lie. People don't tell the truth because otherwise they will get into trouble. They are driven to this by the instinct of self-preservation.
Lying out of politeness
“I’m so glad to see you, it’s very good that we met” is a typical phrase from old acquaintances. Most likely, no one is happy to see anyone; everyone wants to end this conversation as quickly as possible so they can go about their business.
It very often happens that once upon a time at school/institute the guys were inseparable. The roads have diverged, now everyone has their own family, completely different interests and social circles. There were no quarrels, it just happened that way. But you cannot say to a person with whom you were once close: “I absolutely don’t care whether you are in my life or not, I have never thought about you.”
This type of lie can also include lies as empathy.
“Don’t worry, he’s not worth your tears at all, he was just very drunk that evening, and in a couple of days he’ll crawl to you on his knees, it happened to me too, believe me,” is a phrase that every girl abandoned by a guy hears. He, of course, was not drunk at all and is now happy with his new girlfriend, and he is unlikely to come asking for forgiveness. You can't say that to your friend. Over time, everything will get better, but now the person just needs support.
Lies as self-deception
The most dangerous type of lie is lying to yourself. When a person refuses to face the truth, even though it is obvious. It is easier to justify yourself, to justify other people, to come up with a reason for some action, than to admit that there is a problem. You cannot build a world of illusions and plunge headlong into it.
“He doesn’t pick up because he can’t hear/is busy/at a meeting,” the girl says to herself, although she knows perfectly well that he is cheating on her. There is no need to be afraid to make decisions, change yourself and change your life. Everything that is done is for the better.
External signs
Sometimes body language says more than words. Nonverbal communication methods are a powerful tool through which information is transmitted to others. Psychologists have compiled a number of signs that can be used to identify a liar.
Eyes and pupils
When a person tells a lie, the pupils dilate or contract. This is the body's reaction to excitement. If a liar understands that they do not believe him and is about to be exposed, his eyes “pop out of their sockets” and the pupils become round.
A shifting gaze is a sign of searching for an answer to a sensitive question. The more serious the problem, the more active the brain works, the better the general excitement is manifested. A shifting gaze is a sign of panic. A liar needs to instantly figure out how to protect himself.
Gives off an unblinking stare for too long when you need to give an answer to the question posed. A person is immersed in his thoughts, looking for answers in the subconscious. In addition, this state is characteristic of a liar who wants to understand whether they believe him or not. He peers into the eyes of his interlocutor and maintains contact for a long time. Doesn't look away, checks the partner's reaction.
Avoiding direct eye contact is also a major sign of lying. To force a liar not to lie, you should tell him: “Look me in the eyes.” Then the liar either pretends to look indifferent or cannot control his moving pupils.
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Facial expressions
If you observe changes in facial expression, you can understand whether the interlocutor is lying or not, since this is where emotions are displayed. A clear sign of lying is pursed lips. This state indicates confusion and regret. The lower lip goes up, the corners of the mouth go down. The deceiver bites his lips when he has stirred up something too much. If a person is nervous, his eye begins to twitch and blinks frequently. In addition, a liar often rubs his left eyelid. Another clear sign of lying is a change in complexion. The skin turns pale or red.
Hand gestures
According to scientific information, in order to recognize a lie, you need to carefully observe the movement of the left side of the interlocutor’s body. What a person wants to demonstrate, he will show with his right side, and hide with his left. When a partner actively gestures with his right hand, he distracts attention and masks the true state of affairs. Other signs:
- Crossed arms are a sign of discomfort and protection from others. This gesture does not always mean the partner’s intention to deceive. When such a pose appears as a reaction to a question asked, it is worth thinking about. This is a signal of insincerity. The interlocutor blurted out the phrase and immediately crossed his arms over his chest.
- The “I don’t know” gesture with arms spread to the side is a classic manifestation of lack of information. When the opponent answers in the affirmative, and his shoulders rise and his arms move to the side, this indicates his uncertainty.
- Hands in pockets indicate the interlocutor’s desire to hide and avoid answering.
- Continuous gesticulation with hands, a desire to touch the ear, nose, mouth are also considered as a clear sign of deception.
A calm and confident person holds his hands in front of him, does not swing them in different directions, and does not hesitate to show open palms.
Body Gestures
You can expose a lie by body movement and posture:
- Step back. The deceiver reacts automatically. Subconsciously there is a desire to increase the distance. After an untruthful answer, the partner takes a step back. This gesture indicates discomfort. Skilled liars have excellent control over their body, so after an outright lie they do not back away, but an inexperienced liar can easily be exposed.
- Turning to the side (right, left) indicates the interlocutor’s desire to hide faster. The vector of direction of movement is subconsciously determined. It is not the body that can turn, but the head, but the meaning of the gesture remains the same. The desire to hide arises in response to discomfort.
Physiological manifestations of lying: increased heart rate, increased sweating, stuttering, changes in blood pressure, increased pulse. Symptoms can manifest in different ways. Experienced liars know how to hide their inner discomfort.
