Why men are afraid to get married, and what to do about it

By agreeing to get married, a person takes a very serious step on which his entire future life depends. It is usually considered quite natural to feel nervous before a wedding celebration or registration at the registry office.

However, there is a category of people who, at the mere thought of marriage, experience not slight excitement, but panic fear. Such a reaction is a sign of an anxiety disorder called gamoph class="9ad-f">

The difference between reluctance to marry and gamophobia

Refusal to get married is usually associated with doubts about the choice of a partner, with a reluctance to change the usual lifestyle or burden oneself with additional responsibilities.

The difference between reluctance to get married and gamophobia3/nevesta.jpg 660w, https://psymost.ru/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/nevesta-300×184.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 660px ) 100vw, 660px "> With gamophobia, a person may be confident in choosing a partner and ready to spend his whole life with him, but the thought of legitimizing the relationship causes symptoms characteristic of all phobias: increasing anxiety, rapid heartbeat, increased sweating, difficulty breathing, etc. In this case, fear of entering into a legal marriage cannot be equated with reluctance to get married.

A person suffering from gamophobia may want to officially register a marriage, but the phobia creates a serious psychological obstacle , which forces the person to avoid the wedding celebration at all costs.

You will never get married!

I was in the hospital in the women's ward. There I met women and talked with them about various topics. I couldn’t resist sharing my life. About the fact that I am 30 years old and I am alone, not married. As usual, women began to ask different questions. I started talking and accidentally said out loud the phrase that I didn’t consider myself ready for a family relationship. And suddenly one of them with brown eyes said: You will never get married! All the women in the room immediately fell silent. And I was pierced like an arrow inside with resentment and misunderstanding why she was talking to me like that. I didn’t cry, I held it in, although everything inside was trembling with panic in the face of a malicious wish. I answered her with dignity then: So what of it? You can still live with a man without being married. She answered: And this happens... Then I couldn’t calm down for a long time. This negative state came from her words. Time passed and suddenly, a work colleague told me that the boss in the team uttered the phrase: She is old and will never give birth. This means he won’t go on maternity leave. I think we need to give her extra workload. She'll get the job done. And I have an excellent and trusting relationship with my boss. Answered my colleague: I don’t believe she said that. The colleague remained silent, and I again felt a prick, from which everything tightened inside. I didn’t tell my boss what I heard from my colleague. What it is? Why are women so angry? Envy, competition, the other woman's youth. I've thought about this a lot. They say different things out loud because they are unhappy and therefore consider themselves right to say nasty things to other women, or I myself have an inadequate reaction to the words of other people. Can you please tell me what to do? How to deal with this negativity? How should I properly respond to such phrases? I would be grateful for your response! With respect to you, Valeria

The topic is relevant for many women, so I would like to analyze it in more detail. Of course, various factors can play here: female envy, competition, age, upbringing of people, morality, incorrect reaction to the words of others, self-pity, resentment, vulnerability of a person, relationships in a team, lack of experience in life, excessive trust in unfamiliar people , violation of personal boundaries, etc. What is important is how you yourself relate to the words: marriage, family, marriage. pregnancy, childbirth, children, husband, wife, etc. What meaning do you give to the concepts of “marriage” and “childbirth”?

I’ll ask you a number of questions on the topic “You’ll Never Get Married!”:

1. If you Never get married, will there be in your life: Dating with men? Love/sex/relationships? The ability to bear and give birth to a child out of wedlock? Joint shopping trips with the man you love and love? Vacation with a man? Living together with a man and resolving everyday issues with him? Conflicts and disputes over raising a common child with a man?

You can add your own questions to the topic and answer them in the same way.

I suggest you work with technology

, which is called “If I never get married, then...?” To complete the exercise, you will need to take a sheet of paper and draw a rectangle on it. The rectangle will consist of four uniform cells. We fill out the cells with questions: 1. What will happen to me if I never get married? 2. What will never happen to me if I get married? 3. What could happen in my life if I never get married? 4. What could happen in my life if I get married? I suggest answering each question five times, and then crossing out four extra answers. Total: you will have 20 answers to 4 questions. Out of 4 questions, derive 1 main answer that will resonate within you. This is your resource from which you need to start when making a decision on the topic of “marriage”.

What can cause a phobia?

1. Negative emotions experienced in childhood. If there were tense relationships between the parents in the family and the child witnessed frequent quarrels, then a strong emotional shock could provoke the development of gamophobia. A man’s aggression and a woman’s degraded position form in a child a distorted idea of ​​roles in the family and reinforce repulsive images of husband and wife.
2. Negative experience. It is believed that an anxiety disorder can develop if a person has had to endure pain and humiliation in a situation related to marriage. However, research has shown that most people with gamophobia have not experienced anything like this. In this case, an important role in the development of the disease is given to films and television programs that tell about the difficulties of family life.
3. Fear of divorce. If a person has already had to go through a difficult, scandalous divorce, then the fear of marriage hides the fear of repeated divorce and the negativity that accompanies a breakup.

Symptoms

A person with this phobia exhibits many psychological and emotional symptoms when thinking about or having to make a commitment:

Psychological:

• Feeling of fear when the idea of ​​marriage arises.
• Avoiding discussion of the topic of marriage.
• Understanding the irrationality of fear, but the inability to control it.

Physical:

• Shiver.
• Nausea.
• Cry.
• Tachycardia.
• Chest pain, dizziness, fainting.
• Sweating, shortness of breath.

Consequences of Gamophobia

Gamophobia refers to those fears that can forever destroy a person’s personal life. The difficulty is that this disease threatens the well-being of not only the gamophobe himself, but also his partner. Constant disagreements about marriage often lead to a break in the relationship.

For some couples, planning children is possible only in an official marriage. Often a person prone to fear is well aware of his responsibility for the happiness of his partner and experiences a strong feeling of guilt for his reluctance to legitimize the relationship. To solve such problems, it is necessary to seek psychological help in a timely manner.

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Pre-wedding panic among brides

Sometimes the media talks about how brides run away at the most crucial moment, although there were no signs of panic before. This refutes the established myth that it is not difficult to identify a frightened bride. In fact, there are signs of fear of marriage, but ignorant people take them for granted. Psychologists advise paying attention to the following behavioral features:

• Sudden sentimentality. It manifests itself in relation to the person who proposed, although before that the woman had a negative attitude towards him. A sudden change is a sign of phobic fear, which a woman cannot control and tries to drown out.
• Nervous laughter, unbridled fun. Inappropriate expression of feelings is another alarming symptom. With severe fear, some begin to experience attacks of so-called hysterical laughter. At this time, a woman may begin to drink alcohol, although she has not done this before, invite her friends to entertainment venues, and so on.
• Watching films on a certain topic. So, if the future wife began to watch the movie “The Runaway Bride”, although she was previously fond of documentaries, you should be wary. It also wouldn’t hurt to call her for a conversation, but carefully so as not to aggravate the situation.
• The same questions and requests. It is common for a panicking bride to ask her future husband to confess his love to her. Moreover, the request can be made several times a day. The chosen one is asked various questions, which boil down to one thing: a woman or girl wants to gain confidence that she is loved and needed.
• Confidence in unfavorable developments. This is the most difficult case. The fear is very strong, and the bride seems to reassure herself that the marriage will not last long. “We’ll get divorced anyway,” she says, and for herself this means that she won’t have to endure the horror for long.

Excitement before a wedding is a natural process, but when it crosses certain boundaries, a person begins to behave strangely. If a man most often breaks off a relationship, then a woman, due to traditions and moral principles, is not always able to do this. And since fear does not go away, it will manifest itself in the most unexpected ways.

English plan to capture a runaway bride

On April 29, 2011, millions of television viewers watched the wedding of the heir to the English throne, Prince William, and his chosen one, Kate Middleton. Probably, many couples envied the endurance of the bride and groom, who, in the presence of numerous journalists and eminent guests, did not show their excitement with a single movement.

Consequences of gamophobia47405-7 —>

Despite the fact that the future Duchess of Cambridge never expressed doubts about the upcoming wedding, British intelligence services did not rule out the possibility that nervous tension would not allow Kate to cope with her emotions and she would leave her own wedding. In this case, a plan was developed to capture the runaway bride.

However, the woman was not caught in order to forcefully marry the prince, but solely for security reasons. Fortunately, Kate Middleton did not disgrace the royal family, and the intelligence services did not have to put their plan into action.

Treatment of Gamophobia

Overcoming fear and treatment

As with other specific phobias, gamophobia can be treated using a variety of effective methods. Proper therapy, help and family support can help the patient.

• Individual consultations with a psychologist are the first treatment method recommended for fear of family life. The patient is encouraged to talk about his fears, the intricacies of commitment, and other aspects of the marriage with a trusted person.
• Hypnotherapy is another effective way that can help trace the roots of gamophobia to track the negative reactions formed about the marriage.
• Behavioral therapy and exposure therapy are two other effective methods for overcoming the disorder.

People who are in relationships but suffer from fear of marriage should find treatment options and also learn to trust their partners. Phobias can get out of control if left untreated.

Basic pre-wedding fears

Even if you love your future husband, and you have been in a relationship for several years, you cannot avoid worries before the wedding. The most common fears are:

• Fear that the celebration will not live up to expectations. Every girl from childhood imagines her wedding, because this is where all fairy tales about love end. Colorful pictures of happiness emerge in your head: the groom kisses the bride and tells her of love, the parents smile joyfully, and the guests look with tenderness at the ideal couple. Before marriage, a girl begins to fear that everything will happen completely differently than she planned: the holiday will turn out to be uninteresting, the guests will be bored, the dress will seem ugly, and the first dance will not be successful.
• Fear that the feelings are not mutual. The bride may begin to doubt the sincerity of the groom's feelings. This fear often appears if a man proposed to his bride because of her pregnancy.
• Fear that marriage will definitely end in divorce. This is driven by both the harsh reality (according to statistics, there is one divorce for every second wedding), and the real experience of friends and close relatives. There is nothing pleasant about dividing property or resolving child custody issues.
• Fear that the parents will be right and the marriage will be unsuccessful. Every mother and father wants the best for their daughter, which is why girls can often hear before the wedding that her loved one is not suitable for her, that he will not be able to provide her with everything she needs, that he will begin to cheat or leave her with the child. Doubt arises about the right choice of a man.
• Fear of how family life will develop after marriage. The bride may be afraid that she will become an unattractive housewife who spends most of her time in the kitchen.
• Fear of motherhood. A child requires attention and full care; for his sake, you have to sacrifice personal time, pushing your desires into the background. If previously a girl could go for a walk with her friends or go to the sea at any time, then when she becomes a mother, she will take into account the interests of the baby. Motherhood can cause great fear in women who are not ready for their previously independent and interesting lives to suddenly be filled with worries about a child.