Perhaps it is a woman’s lot to be deceived by men. Moreover, the fair half of humanity has to live in a man’s lie almost constantly, but what to do and how to recognize a lie?
At the beginning of her life’s journey, the young “princess” is entangled in a web of deception (even with the best intentions) by her father and grandfather. Then the neighbor boys, children from kindergarten, and classmates get involved. The girl grows up, turns into a girl, and her first love comes to her. And here, usually, there are disappointments, because often a man’s lies are mixed with love, which painfully wounds the fair sex.
Reasons for men's lies
Men's lies in the family are a common occurrence. To try to eradicate your partner’s shortcomings, it is important to establish a trusting relationship with him and correct your behavior. Not in all cases, a man lies because he is being dishonest with a girl. Many women provoke deception with their lack of communication. Common reasons include:
- Emotional outbursts. At the beginning of a relationship, there is a candy-flowery period. Characterized by increased attention to the partner. Under the influence of the reproductive instinct, dopamine, the hormone of joy, is intensely released in men. Due to the emotional influx, the partner exaggerates the beauty or positive qualities of the girl. It is important to be able to recognize the truth spoken with a cold mind and compliments spoken with emotions. The opposite picture is when a man insults a woman out of spite during a quarrel. After the emotions subside, the partner often feels remorse.
- Subconscious fears or internal complexes. All people experience anxiety and mental anguish if difficult life situations arise, regardless of gender and character. In society, it is not customary for men to show weakness. If a partner is not ready to fully open up to a woman as a person, then he will lie that he has no problems, without sharing his inner excitement. Often girls require increased attention and it is not always possible to discuss the issue of relationships in calm tones. As a result, you shouldn’t be surprised if the guy went for a walk alone, and instead lied to the girl that he was at work.
- Lying to avoid conflict. Example - a girl has a suspicious and unstable character when it comes to appearance. Telling such a girl that she has gained a little weight will result in resentment or hysteria. As a result, when asked how the dress fits on me, the man will plausibly lie, which is wonderful.
- Stereotypical behavior imposed in childhood. From an early age, boys are taught to endure and not cry, hiding their feelings. In adulthood, this develops into closedness. Showing sentimentality is a sign of psychological weakness, which is why men lie in front of girls.
- Tired of women's reproaches. For example, at work they do not give bonuses or raises due to the employee’s low performance. In order not to listen to reproaches at home, it is easier to say that he has a bad manager or an unscrupulous company than to admit incompetence. In this case, lying saves you from stress at home.
How to spot a lie by speech
Almost everyone lies. A politician speaks from the podium about how much good he will do for the people - everyone understands that he is lying, but they hope for at least a crumb of truth. The lawyer lies when defending his client, but that is his job. Professional liars do this competently, you can’t find fault with them. But this is more difficult for an ordinary person to do.
A person telling the truth will not speak in general terms: “Everyone is talking about this!” To the question: “Who exactly?”, he will not repeat: “Yes, that’s it!” He will specifically name the person. And in general, his entire story will be brief, without unnecessary details. Some little things in the story are a red herring. Moreover, these details can be said in dubbing two or three times: “So I went out, I went out, and when I went out, I met her.”
But specific things that interest a woman will be crumpled and missed. For example:
Well, in general, this aunt, what’s her name, left, and then, imagine, I decided not to go by car, but while it was light outside - the sun was shining hot, the birds were chirping, the weather was super, I decided to take a walk.
The “what’s her name” is crumpled, but there are so many details about the weather!
When talking, there are two options to hide a lie: either a person proves his “truth” quickly and excitedly, or he controls his every word when he is confused in his testimony. There is an opportunity to bring it to light - let the “truth teller” tell his version exactly the opposite way, that is, starting from the end of events and before its beginning. It is unlikely that, having become entangled in lies, he will succeed.
Types of male lies
There are 2 types of male lies based on intentions - negative and for the good. In the first case, when a lie is revealed, the woman experiences mental anguish. Such a lie does not bring anything good, so it is worth taking a closer look at the relationship and finally deciding whether it is necessary or not.
Lies with negative consequences are divided into several types:
- Concealing actions that are unpleasant for a woman. A man lies to avoid punishment or censure. This prevents conflicts.
- An unpleasant option is lying to get a girl into bed. While the woman does not react, the man passionately achieves what he wants. As soon as intimacy occurs, it immediately disappears. It is important to be able to recognize such lies so that unpleasant incidents do not arise.
- A disgusting option is to lie to a woman in order to steal. Such a man can give a girl alcohol and sleeping pills during a romantic date. When the woman is unconscious, he steals her wallet. To prevent such situations, you should look closely with your partner for a long time. Find out where he lives and works. You cannot allow strangers into your home.
- Pathological lying is a negative lie that cannot be corrected. Such a man lies constantly and cannot deny himself this “pleasure.” Moreover, lies are groundless, often without meaning.
A positive white lie does not have negative consequences for the girl. This includes exaggerations, compliments, and jokes. You shouldn’t be offended by such things if a man doesn’t want to say anything bad.
• He cheats
Perhaps this is a classic scheme when a partner finds another woman and starts making up fairy tales, just to get an evening out for a date on the side. By the way, many women do not want to admit the presence of a rival, so they do not notice the lie until the very end. But you can't escape reality. If he is constantly late at work, has changed his wardrobe, started hiding his gadgets from you, refuses affection, takes his nerves out on you - it’s time to bring your partner to a frank conversation. And don’t buy the show of repentance, because even in this case the man is also lying. He's not as afraid of losing you as he is of not wanting to be a loser.
What does lying give a man?
Any man's lie has a motive. If a man wants to receive carnal pleasures or steal money, then he will lie to get these benefits in a dirty way. If the relationship is unhealthy and the partner is prone to conflict, then lying will help avoid a negative situation in the relationship, since a quarrel will not occur (for a while). A white lie helps to win over or raise one's self-esteem.
Depending on the situation, lying can have different results:
- If there is a desire to increase your self-esteem in the eyes of a girl or create a more significant impression of yourself, then a man lies about his earnings, savings and other achievements in different areas of life. This is a common way to woo a partner if they don't know each other well.
- If a man is ashamed of any situation or acquaintance, he begins to lie, denying the current uncomfortable situation in the past. Often a man refers to a bad memory. Such lies prevent an awkward situation for a man.
- Lying about where you are. This option makes it possible to avoid punishment and quarrels from a suspicious or jealous wife. If a man always says that he is at work, and a woman trusts him, then he gets almost complete freedom of action and the opportunity to lead a “double life.”
- Lies about love. Such lies are typical of kind and indecisive people who do not want to offend their partner. It often happens that a guy has long lost interest in a girl, but says that he loves her and is afraid to leave her because she will worry.
Various situations arise that help put a man in a more advantageous position through lies. There are often cases when a man’s constant lies cause remorse. He gets on his nerves, but is afraid to tell the truth, which causes a vicious circle.
Many adults eventually realize that lying does not lead to anything good. Lies often lead to broken relationships. To prevent such situations from arising, it is important to initially create a trusting relationship. If feelings fade over time, there is no need to continue to lie to the woman; it is easier to let the person go and start living a new life.
Facial expressions
It is much easier to recognize a liar by general facial expressions than by just the eyes alone. But sometimes the facial expressions of male liars are much more “eloquent” than female ones. For example, men, unlike the weaker sex, often scratch their nose when cheating. This is due to the fact that men have an excitable receptor zone in their nose, unlike women. Do you remember this fairy-tale guy - Pinocchio? If he lies, his nose grows.
But here are more secrets of deceitful facial expressions:
- Pursing his lower lip indicates that the man is unlikely to keep his promise. Biting your lips is clearly a lie hiding somewhere. A person seems to hold back his unnecessary words, fearing that thereby he will be caught in deception. A crooked smile at one corner of the lips is an insincere emotion in a man. Tense and slightly trembling corners of the lips are a sign of gloating.
- A raised (crumpled) chin means that a man feels anger and annoyance towards you, no matter how much he smiles. By the way, such a deceitful smile can also be given away by “non-laughing” eyes that do not narrow at all.
- If you told him some news, and the man is surprised for more than 10 seconds with violent emotions and facial expressions, then this is a sign that he already knew everything in advance. Since after 10 seconds a truthful person needs to comprehend the news, which means the emotion will change.
- And the most famous sign, coupled with everything described above, is the redness of the cheeks and ears of liars. They are ashamed that they are lying. However, this has nothing to do with those who are naturally capable of blushing due to some external influences, for example due to the weather.
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Fragment from the film "Liar, Liar"
It will also be useful: How to take revenge on your husband’s mistress
Gestures and body movements
You've probably noticed how a naughty dog behaves when it's caught next to a chewed shoe? He tries to turn away, step back, hide. He is immensely ashamed, but he cannot say anything to lie. Liars behave in much the same way, with the only difference being that they can still lie.
The deceiver will hide his eyes, as if he is distracted by something more important, and will want to turn away, step back. Body movements are slightly nervous, especially the shoulders - they twitch a little, as if the person wants to throw off the burden of an unpleasant conversation. Hands will tug at your collar, neck, tie—the lies begin to choke you.
By the way, pay special attention to gestures, everything secret is hidden there. Hands that hug a loved one, hidden in a pocket or behind the back, fingers clasped in a lock - all this indicates a lie. The person does not want to thereby reveal his excitement in case his shaking hands reveal it.
By the way, in a lying person, who has already become incensed and is foaming at the mouth to prove that he is right, his gestures simply begin to dance. Either he shakes his index finger, supposedly threatening, then he sharply lowers his hand with his palm down, supposedly suppressing his counterpart, but all this is again a kind of defense.
What to do if a man is lying?
Constant lying by a partner is a difficult case that requires a solution if it is dear to a woman. Correcting the husband’s behavior may take a long period, but if the partners decide to improve the relationship mutually, then the situation can be resolved.
The first thing you need to do is start having a heart-to-heart conversation. In most cases, normal, open conversation prevents a brewing conflict. By talking in calm tones with your husband, you can find out the exact reason for the lie and try to solve it. If a man refuses to resolve the situation peacefully, showing indifference, then a positive outcome is unlikely. A woman should think about the appropriateness of such relationships in her life.
Often, women themselves are to blame for men’s lies due to constant reproaches and psychological pressure. In this case, lying is a defensive reaction. To solve this problem, you need to change the girl's behavior. It is important to observe your partner to understand whether he has given the truthful reason for the pathological lie as he changes his own behavior.
You need to observe and pay attention to the following points:
- the husband really stopped lying or became more cunning and resourceful in his actions;
- how his behavior changed after the conversation;
- whether the partner takes action to change his own behavior or pretends that nothing happened.
These points are important because they help you understand whether the situation will change for the better or not. If the reason for the lie lies purely in the woman, it is important to control yourself and observe your husband to see if he notices positive changes in the girl’s behavior.
It is important to know! In psychiatry there is a diagnosis - Munchausen syndrome. This is a pathological condition characterized by uncorrectable deceit. Once a diagnosis is made, treatment is carried out.
• He is a born manipulator
Such men love to talk a lot and beautifully, but they are in no hurry to fulfill their promises. Undoubtedly, he will tell you how much he loves you, where he will take you this weekend... And then he will disappear from the radar without calling you back. And this will repeat again and again - he will begin to confuse dates, forget about important events, and reschedule your meetings. Maybe this is the effect of nervous work - the man is under constant stress, which is why he unknowingly lies. Or maybe he is a complete narcissist who is used to behaving meanly and irresponsibly. Moreover, the problem is that it is the woman who will have to adapt to him, change plans, and be in constant good shape. And, of course, sooner or later she will get tired and call it a day.
How to spot a lie
When a guy lies, his subconscious clearly knows about it, and it can be quite difficult to hide it. Psychology identifies the following gestures that will help you recognize when a man is deceiving a woman:
- A posture in which the hands are in the pockets may suggest that the man is lying.
- Another type of gesture is touching your face, neck, shoulders, trying to cover your mouth with your palm.
- Vague emotions, such as grinning, tenseness and shrugging, twitching.
- Concern about appearance during a conversation, adjusting clothes.
- The man hides details, answers uncertainly, and repeats the same things.
But you should not immediately conclude that the man is lying, since it is possible to understand that this is really so only by taking into account the individual characteristics of the person. Some men always behave this way around women – insecure and confused.
In addition, having discovered that something is wrong, you should not immediately call the young man hysterically and bring down a barrage of accusations and evidence on him. Most likely, the young man will not even listen to the end of the hysteria about “how bad he is, but they trusted him.”
Reasons why your husband lies
When faced with the deception of a loved one, we experience strong negative emotions. A note of mistrust immediately creeps in, thoughts of betrayal and cooling of feelings arise. Before you start doing something, try to calm down and look at the situation from the outside. Don’t immediately start a scandal; unbridled emotions will only worsen the relationship.
First, analyze the situation in detail, take a kind of time-out. Observe your husband from a distance and find out how often and when he lies. Psychologists highlight three possible options.
Easy fibbing on little things
If a man tells lies over trifles, be lenient about it. The stronger sex tends to weave tall tales, making achievements more significant and shortcomings more invisible. If your husband boasts about his unprecedented harvest of mushrooms or his popularity with women, pretend that you sincerely believe him. Play along with him, let him feel like a noble earner, a Casanova, etc.
Don't be jealous of fictitious victories on the love front. If you begin to doubt his masculine viability, you will involuntarily create a desire to prove the fiction with real facts. It’s easier to pretend that you believe the bravado.
If a man tells fairy tales at the beginning of an acquaintance, he is trying to impress you in this way. This is a favorite means of seduction for modern machos. Please exercise caution. Exorbitant promises to “take the moon out of the sky,” “throw the whole world at your feet,” and shower people from head to toe with material wealth are often pure fiction. To avoid disappointment later, try to draw a line between real possibilities and imaginary ones.
Pathological liar
In psychology, there is a model of behavior when a person tends to constantly tell lies. Some experts believe that pathological liars differ from ordinary liars in their confidence in the veracity of their fabrications. They lie selflessly, living into fictitious images. Individuals with low self-esteem are most susceptible to pathological lies.
Such people always lie to everyone, without blushing: at work - to their superiors, in company - to friends, at home - to their wife. The habit of lying is fixed in the subconscious from childhood. If strict parents or educators scold or punish a child for the slightest sin, he begins to skillfully hide them.
Men are eternal children. They actively use similar behavior even at an advanced age. Perhaps you have become a hostage to your husband's previous relationship with an overly demanding woman. Accustomed to hiding the truth or telling half-truths, he transfers the learned model to you.
It is unlikely to stop a pathological liar from lying without a qualified psychologist. You can change it only by identifying the underlying reason for cheating. For a person to become sincere, he will need considerable volitional efforts.
The husband only lies to his wife
It is this case that deserves careful consideration and specific intervention. If a spouse turns into a liar upon entering the home, the reason lies in the couple's relationship.
There are several reasons for lying:
- Reluctance to offend your spouse
Attempts to protect a loved one from painful emotions are typical of sensitive people. They try the situation on themselves, and tell “sweet” lies instead of the impartial truth. If you try to find out from a natural diplomat whether a clearly unsuccessful hairstyle or dress suits you, you yourself will force him to deceive you. Just be glad that your husband loves you so much that he doesn’t want to upset you. If such cases begin to irritate, then you should act in two ways.
First, stop asking provoking questions, because a truthful answer is unlikely to change the unpleasant reality. Secondly, explain to your husband that you value his independent opinion and will not be offended by constructive criticism.
If you feel that your husband doesn’t like the way you look or cook, but he continues to persistently lie, try to change yourself. Master culinary wisdom, choose a winning hairstyle and clothing style. Remember how women’s perception of the world changes after the magical transformations in “Fashionable Sentence”. If your husband endures and does not leave, it means he loves you and is waiting for positive changes, and not insults and accusations of lies. The best reward will be a truly well-deserved compliment: “You look great today!”
- The desire to appear successful in the eyes of your wife
Artificially inflating your achievements indicates a desire to meet your expectations. Don’t try to make your husband Arnold Schwarzenegger and Alain Delon rolled into one. Think about it: are you too critical of your husband’s career achievements?
Instead of blaming someone for not living up to the desired ideal, try to give wise and objective suggestions. Before pointing out mistakes, praise something good. If you criticize, do it carefully, measuredly and appropriately.
Wise psychologists advise never to compare your husband with more successful men. This has a painful impact on self-esteem, and in the future provokes a cooling of feelings. Support your husband in positive endeavors, become a strong supporter. Learn to accept it along with your shortcomings, and the reason for cheating will disappear.
- Reluctance to touch on a sore subject
A fairly common reason for excuses, ambiguity and uncertainty is the lack of willingness to discuss a topic that worries the wife. The range of issues is quite wide: from everyday troubles to reluctance to have children. What to do in such a situation? We should not fight the lie itself, but solve the problem that gives rise to it. As a rule, the wife instinctively feels that she is causing her husband’s rejection. Whether you raise the question bluntly or wait for possible changes is up to you.
- Not wanting negative consequences
It happens that a wife’s reaction to the truth is too violent and unpredictable: tears, screams, reproaches, blackmail, etc. In such situations, even honest husbands try to avoid scandals through false fabrications. If we are talking about an acceptable norm, change your life attitude. To save your family, try not to throw tantrums, quarrels, lecture, or threaten to move in with your mother. There are many calm and balanced women who will happily take your place.
Options for solving the problem
There are three ways to respond to lies:
- First and most important - talk to him frankly . A wise woman will not put off discussing the issue and will find a suitable time for conversation. Talk to him without scandals, in a peaceful atmosphere. Ask your husband about his experiences and problems. If there are serious reasons to suspect him of treason, you can ask about it. Even if he has another woman, you can resolve everything peacefully.
- Give your husband what he wants . Psychology is designed in such a way that if a man doesn’t receive enough of something from his wife (regular sex, positive emotions, stability), then he begins to look for it on the side. Therefore, if your husband sometimes wants to go fishing or football, do not nag him and calmly react to this - this way he will understand that you value his desires.
- Accept him for who he is . Many people are naturally accustomed to embellishment, so if his lie is harmless, accept the person as such. Of course, if he began to deceive too often, then there is no need to tolerate it.
How to solve the problem of your husband's lies?
