A feeling of melancholy and insurmountable despair occurs in almost every person. In moments when nothing makes you happy in life, many people hide in their “shell” and give up. It's sad, but sometimes acute hopelessness turns existence into real torture. And death becomes so desirable that a person readily stops it. What are the reasons for the vile state when there is no joy, and there is eternal melancholy in the heart? What will help you find a way out and regain the strength to move forward? The answers to these questions are like a bright light at the end of a dark tunnel of gray existence.
Method 1: Disconnect from the Internet
Especially from the news. How to deal with apathy when you receive streams of negative information from all sides. I am amazed by famous, influential people writing and speaking about the “chaos of hate” fueled by the media in recent years.
I am amazed not at the endless and uncontrollable flow of information dirt (this is natural for the current stage of human development), but at the fact that these famous, smart people, pointing fingers at others and condemning them for negativity, themselves constantly add oil to this poisonous cocktail of pessimism.
I urged and continue to urge you not to support the destructive “egregor” of fear, mutual slander and despair. I hope you have already tested for yourself the belief that Boris Pozdnyakov and I repeatedly discussed at Conversations with a Billionaire, that “attention is the only thing we can control.”
Pianist Alice Hertz-Sommer, a Holocaust survivor, said: “I look where it is good.” This seems trivial - in order for us to feel “good”, so that we have creative desires and the energy to realize them, we need to direct attention to the “good”. For some, this may seem like a utopia. In fact, this is the salvation of our individual and general consciousness from information viruses generated by the media and social networks.
So, the obvious answer to the question “How to get rid of apathy?” will be “Abstract from unnecessary negativity.” In life, sometimes unpleasant situations arise. Why look for them also in the news? Although the cause-and-effect relationship between attention and quality of life is obvious to many, in practice it may turn out that managing attention is not so simple. The brain, accustomed to daily negative news and the meaningless stream of social networks, is also addicted to them, like a drug addict to his daily fix.
Therefore, for starters, during the week, start your day not with social media. networks or news sites, but from reading spiritual literature, self-development blogs, TED talks and everything that can set you up for constructive thinking and fruitful implementation. All these materials will help you fight not only apathy, but also laziness.
Try to allow only creative ideas into yourself for at least the first hour of every day. You will see how your quality of life will change dramatically.
The question “What to do when you’re tired of everything?” will disappear by itself, because you will have enough energy for achievements. It's even better if you implement a "tuning hour" in the first hour of your daily wakefulness. My morning “tuning hour” looks like this:
- I woke up and, while still half asleep, listened to a 6-minute audio meditation setting me up for the day;
- cold and hot shower;
- some procedures for tone;
- 15-30 minutes of movement (one or a little of everything: walking, trampolining, dancing, yoga);
- breathing practice;
- meditation in silence.
After such an “hour of attunement,” I face the day consciously and with anticipation of creative work.
"Tinnitus"
YouTube
The main Russian film of 2020, according to film critics (they awarded it their “White Elephant” award), is dedicated to memories of the Moscow (and Moscow region) noise and industrial underground of the 2000s. His heroes are “The Old Woman of Moss”, “Der Golem” and other monsters of chirping and roaring, causing ringing in the ears, as well as the main Russian expert in the field of smart electronic music Dmitry Vasiliev, the author of the incredible tome “Viva Italia”, dedicated to the Italian experimental scene.
All these people are now dead, so the main location of the film becomes the graveyards near Moscow, and the central theme is death (it must be said that in the music of the characters in “Tinnitus” necromancy also occupied a central place). The director of the film, Moscow film experimenter Daniil Zinchenko (“Elixir”), traces this musical tradition back to the Soviet underground, St. Petersburg necrorealists and the literary “Yuzhinsky Circle” (Mamleev, Dugin, Heydar Dzhemal, etc.), somewhat abusing the aestheticization of death and chthonic horror. Still, Tinnitus is a valuable document of an era and music that has only recently been rediscovered by a growing, black-clad audience.
Method 2: Upgrade yourself
The second effective method that you should use when you are tired of everything is to change. The most obvious and simplest is an external change: get a new hairstyle, update your wardrobe, go to the gym, lose weight. But how can you overcome apathy if neither a new hairstyle nor a new dress can save you?
Change your system of values and thinking by introducing into life principles that will promote, rather than hinder, success and fulfillment. This is, however, much more difficult to do.
A great exercise for this purpose is to write down an improved version of yourself - who you could be if you maximized your talents and developed your abilities. And then ask yourself the question: how does such a person think and act? Write down these thoughts and build your actions in accordance with them.
Method 3. Dismantle the rubble and do a thorough cleaning of the house
Another effective method that is worth listing when answering the question “How to overcome laziness and apathy?” – do a thorough cleaning. From time to time, trash and debris accumulate in our space, which over time interferes with the free flow of energy. If you have the means, someone can do the deep cleaning for you.
But even if you can afford a housekeeper, cleaning yourself may be more effective as the ignition system for your internal engine. Here are some additional ideas for clearing your space:
- Sort out old papers and throw away everything unnecessary;
- Give away clothes and shoes that you have not worn in the last 2 years;
- Wash the windows;
- Polish kitchen utensils;
- Disassemble the bathroom and throw out all the jars where there is still something left “at the bottom” and which has long been replaced with a new one.
Method 4: Clean your computer
It will be very difficult for you to cope with apathy if you do not tidy up your computer. The computer, just like our space, does not like garbage. Not only will it hang due to an excessive number of files, but it will also simply interfere with productivity, constantly distracting you with unnecessary documents, photos, etc.
I recently accidentally erased all the photos on my MacBook that I had taken over the past 2 years (70 gigs!). At first I gasped and was wildly upset, but then I felt some kind of lightness and liberation from the past. Now in front of me is a white canvas (and an empty iPhone application) on which I am going to draw my new life.
"The Eyes of Laura Mars"
Criterion Channel
Before greeting the blockbuster era with the roar of laser swords (The Empire Strikes Back), director Irwin Kershner posed as an Italian. In any case, he very cleverly imitated the style of aesthetic Italian detectives, giallo, in a terrible story about a fashionable New York photographer Laura Mars (Faye Dunaway), whose eyes, against her will, see all the criminal secrets of the city.
Released in 1978, this vibrant thriller foreshadowed the baroque style of the 1980s in many ways. A photographic artist whose manner resembles Helmut Newton (and not by chance - Newton specifically took several photographs that are used in the film), bohemian extras, as if they had escaped from Andy Warhol's "Factory", faded and eclectic bourgeois interiors, as if borrowed from Woody Allen's "Interiors", buckets of artificial blood that are spilled on the set near Mars itself - all this likens the film to an old glossy magazine. But beyond the aesthetics, there is also a powerful script written by John Carpenter. The deadly ring shrinking around the heroine (an unknown person in leather gloves kills her colleagues and acquaintances) in the finale straightens out with a powerful spring, and expensive tweed is stained with blood - already real.
On the streaming platform of Criterion, the legendary video distributor whose catalog immediately gives the film classic status, “Eyes” is playing as part of the “70s Style Icons” themed selection, consisting of 13 cult films of the decade (“The Man Who Fell to Earth” , “Klute”, “Shampoo”, “A Star is Born”, etc.). All of them are also highly recommended for viewing.
Method 5: Go for a walk
Better yet, make walking a sort of daily ritual - walk (if the weather permits, in the fresh air) every day for 30-60 minutes. This may be perceived as yet another trivial recommendation.
But a simple walk gives a lot - a surge of energy for the body, improved blood circulation, and as a result - additional nutrition for brain cells and a surge of inspiration, thus activating the potential of our intentions. Daily walks will help you overcome laziness and apathy in yourself, and will also recharge you with energy.
Method 7: Prepare a gourmet dinner
For family, for friends or just for yourself. Boredom indicates that you have not experienced the bright tastes of life for a long time. Food is one of our most primitive instincts, and with the help of today's variety of foods and spices, you can fill your life with the aroma of not only the usual cabbage rolls, but also something exotic. You may ask, how can you get rid of apathy and laziness with the help of cooking?
For inspiration, I’ll tell you about Sasha Martin, the author of the Global Table Adventure blog. Sasha lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and several years ago she came up with this way of “virtual travel”: once a week, cook for her loved ones a new dish from different countries, in alphabetical order.
She started with Afghanistan and her first dish was sabse borani
- spinach and yogurt snack. Sasha finished with a recipe from Zimbabwe.
The entire project took 4 years, during which she took weekly steps towards her long-term goal. When Sasha came up with the idea for culinary adventures, her daughter was only 6 months old, so for the first 5 years of her life, the girl tried a dish from every country (how wonderful is that, agree?!).
Sasha's husband, despite the fact that American hamburger and potatoes were his favorite food, supported his wife's enthusiasm by contributing to the project as a photographer.
On Sasha’s website I found a promo for her first book with the wonderful title “Life from Scratch”. I never cease to be amazed at how a hobby can transform a person’s life, filling it with new meaning and drive. Well, are you already managing to cope with apathy? The question “What to do when you’re tired of everything” begins to recede a little. Is not it?
How to deal with irritation
If you are constantly irritated, the first thing you need to do is realize that the problem is you. It's difficult and painful, but without it you won't move. Everyone around you will seem bad except yourself, and the struggle will be directed outward. As a result, the situation will worsen.
Moreover, people's patience is not unlimited. If at first those around you turned a blind eye to your irritability, with each outburst their discontent will grow. You risk finding yourself in a vacuum and losing all your close friends. I hope I didn't scare you too much with the consequences? Great, we can move on to the recommendations.
Rationalization
Pick up a pencil and a piece of paper and record the latest outbursts of irritation and aggression. Remember what factors contributed to the triggering of the negative reaction. Perhaps the trigger was some action or word addressed to you? Or maybe the aggression was preceded by a violation of the usual way of life and routine?
Thoroughly analyze several typical situations. You may be able to look at them from a different angle and draw important conclusions. Next time, you will be able to recognize the irritating stimulus and slow down your reaction.
Martial arts
If you can't control the urge to punch someone in the face, you can go ahead and do it. Just be prepared to get hit back. Martial arts are a great way to utilize your aggression. Boxing is best. This sport seems to have been created specifically to combat deviant impulses. It is not even necessary to resort to the help of other people; you can limit yourself to hitting a punching bag.
The fact is that irritation and aggression provoke specific physiological reactions. We may feel increased heart rate, difficulty breathing, and cold extremities.
The body responds to the stimulus by mobilizing internal forces and tension that requires release. By suppressing and trying to drive our destructive emotions inside, we increase the risk of their somatization. Therefore, it is imperative to look for socially acceptable ways to relieve tension.
Meditation
Regular meditation will help bring your thoughts and feelings into harmony. You will learn to manage your states and neutralize aggressive impulses.
I offer you a step-by-step technique for entering a state of meditation.
- Sit back comfortably in a chair, turn on some calm music and relax. Make sure that no one or nothing distracts you for about 20 minutes. Turn off your phone and ask your household not to disturb you.
- Select a point on the wall in front of you at approximately eye level and peer at it without blinking.
- When your eyes get tired, allow your eyelids to close on their own. Feel calm and peaceful.
- Imagine an object that is familiar to you, for example, your favorite cup. Contemplate it for at least ten minutes. Try to recreate all the details in your imagination and imagine the colors as vividly as possible.
- If extraneous thoughts enter your head, drive them away and return to contemplation. At first it will be difficult, the consciousness will jump and resist. Gently guide him in the direction you need without strain or violence.
- After 10-15 minutes, open your eyes, sit a little longer - and you can return to business. Don't get up suddenly and interrupt the session; give your body the opportunity to readjust.
After two weeks of regular exercise, you will feel the first results. Consciousness will become clearer, concentration will increase, and the emotional background will level out. You will feel control over your emotions and begin to slowly crawl out from under their power. Uncontrollable outbursts of aggression and irritation will begin to subside.
A change of scenery
Even the most beloved familiar environment can set one’s teeth on edge if one does not dilute one’s life with new impressions. This is especially familiar to residents of central Russia in the autumn. Cold and grayness can make even the most cheerful person despondent. The state of “everything pisses me off” becomes common at this time.
Give yourself a reboot and dilute your boring routine with new colors. It is best to take a vacation and go on a trip to a distant country. New places, new people, new knowledge. For your body, such a trip will be a breath of fresh air.
If this is not possible, visit a nearby tourist town over the weekend that you have never been to before. Walk along unfamiliar streets, visit museums and exhibitions. Or treat yourself to a spa weekend.
Specialist help
If irritability negatively affects the quality of life and spoils personal relationships, it is better to consult a psychologist. He will help you find out the cause of this condition and select adequate methods of influence.
Nervousness is successfully eliminated with the help of cognitive behavioral therapy, psychoanalysis, art therapy, and neuro-linguistic programming techniques. After the first session you will feel much better.
Method 9. Do something extremely unusual for yourself
Are you still tired of everything? If you are still seriously thinking about how to get out of apathy, then don’t just get out of your comfort zone, but do the exact opposite. Are you naturally shy? Challenge your principles and talk to a stranger.
For a modest girl, meeting a man on her own is a risky step. If you are usually proactive and outgoing, practice meditation and deep introspection. Find something that will turn you 180 degrees and show you one of the unknown or untapped facets of your own personality.
What to do if you're tired of your surroundings?
The environment can be your home, friends, environment.
Approaches to solving the current situation are individual. Get to the root of the problem. Tired of your friends, what to do in such a situation?
Change your environment.
I'm tired of calls, what should I do?
Stop communicating.
People develop. What was normal before becomes unacceptable now. It's not strange that friends are annoying, let them go.
Find new friends or girlfriends with common interests. Don’t seriously think about what to do if you’re tired of a person, feel free to move on! This does not apply to your family and friends. Read about it below.
Method 10. Draw
Let it be crooked, askew and at the level of a 5-year-old child. It is not the result that is important to us, but the process. Drawing activates the creative part of the brain. To break the cycle of boredom, you need to excite your creativity.
Having let go of the “goal”, to draw something “beautifully” and allowing ourselves to create simply for the sake of self-expression, we find ourselves in a parallel reality, where all that is required of us is to turn off the mind and not interfere with nature to be realized through us.
Here are my 10 recommendations, but these are only the main ones among many effective ways to start your inner motor and fill your life with new experiences.
Causes of irritability
- character traits;
- problems at work;
- conflicts in the family;
- breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend;
- financial instability, debts;
- stress;
- fatigue.
The first item on this list is character traits. This is not without reason, since a huge number of people place excessive demands on others, events, and even themselves personally. And then they get upset when something doesn't meet their expectations.
Perfectionism can be a potential cause of irritability. Dealing with this is not difficult: allow things and people to remain outside your control.
Understand that not everything in life happens the way we want it to. And that's okay! By making high demands on current events, we risk being left disappointed. And when you don’t expect much, you experience more joy from what you have. Take this as a rule - and irritability will not overtake you so often.
