A child’s whims per year, 1.5, 2, 3, 4 years: what to do

Why does a child start to be capricious?

In the infant period, the causes of whims in children, as a rule, are physiological sensations. And this is absolutely normal, you just need to make sure that the child is not hungry or, conversely, that he has not eaten too much, and also maintain an optimal atmosphere in the house for the baby.

Further in his growing up, the child experiences several difficult stages, accompanied by psychological crises. Not understanding what is happening to him and how to express it verbally, the baby throws tantrums.

Critical periods

2-3 years. At this time, the little personality begins to become aware of himself, contrasting himself with those around him. Children of this age group are characterized by stubbornness, when they tend to do everything “out of spite.” In fact, the child does this not out of malice, but because it is difficult for him to express his emotions.

6-7 years. Serious changes occur in the life of a preschooler. The daily routine is changing, the demands of adults are becoming stricter, and you also need to join a new children's team...

The child has a fair protest, but this does not always happen, but only if his tendency to whims has not been corrected at an earlier age.

Common causes of whims in children

Experts identify several typical situations that provoke the problem of children's whims in the family. In particular, these are:

Inability to convey in words your personal feelings, your dissatisfaction.
The baby's desire to attract the attention of adults. It is important to understand that the lack, first of all, of maternal attention almost always becomes the cause of irritability and developmental delays in children.
The child’s desire to achieve from adults something very important and necessary for himself.
Excessive attention and excessive care from adults. A child may get tired from endless attention from parents, which often results in crying or screaming. Therefore, before you start dealing with whims, you should make a real assessment of your communication with your baby.
Unmet physical needs: overwork, lack of sleep and hunger.
Excessive strictness of parents, constant prohibitions.
Lack of a developed system of punishment and reward for the child.
Absence of a pronounced reaction from adults to the positive and negative actions of the child.
Wrong upbringing. The absence of any restrictions on the part of adults can also cause whims in a child. When everything is allowed to a child, it is difficult for him to learn to restrain himself and curb his desires and emotions in time. It is very important to teach your child self-restraint in a timely manner. Of course, we are not talking about endless prohibitions, but the word “impossible” should be one of the first words your child learns. This will help stop him before he can hurt himself or someone else.
The desire to imitate other children.
Separating an enthusiastic child from an activity that is interesting to him.
Inconsistency of actions on the part of adults. For example, today the mother forbade the child to play with her phone, but a few days ago she herself gave him this “toy” in his hands. There are often situations when parents prohibit something, while the grandmother allows it for the child. Inconsistency in actions can also manifest itself within the family: what is forbidden by mom is allowed by dad and vice versa. It is often difficult for a child to “adjust” to every adult, which affects his psyche and nervous system, and, accordingly, provokes hysterics and breakdowns.

Experts divide the “first age of stubbornness” (from one to five years) into several important periods of child development, which are characterized by their own causes and manifestations of whims:

age from one to two years;
three years;
four years;
five years.

Next, we will consider each of these periods in more detail.

note

The “second period of stubbornness,” according to many experts, corresponds to the age of 12-14 years.

Should I contact a pediatrician?

Parents begin to worry seriously when their child turns 4 years old. Until this age, the question of how to cope with the whims of a child is not very relevant. At an early age there are many excuses for whims.

Important! If by the age of 4 a child becomes capricious more and more often, it means that there is an advanced pedagogical problem.

You need to contact a specialist in this case:

if, while throwing a tantrum, the child arches and tenses his body muscles;
There are interruptions in breathing with loss of consciousness.

The presence of convulsions during a hysteria may indicate some hidden disease of the nervous system. Difficulty speaking is also an alarming symptom.

Children's whims

Author of the article E.V. Murashova

What are children's whims?

Surely every person, even those who have never had children, has seen how capricious small children are. A heart-rending screaming baby in a trolleybus, a stubborn little one who doesn’t want to leave the coveted kiosk, a creature of indeterminate gender roaring in three streams, which is literally dragged along the street by an angry or, conversely, almost crying mother herself - all this is just the tip of the iceberg. The main field of children's whims is, of course, home and family. Very often, parents, helplessly throwing up their hands, admit: in the nursery they praise him, they say he’s quiet, calm, he does everything, but at home...

What are children's whims? Where do they come from and what do they mean?

To begin with, let’s modify the question a little and put it this way: why are children capricious? Let's listen to the voices expressing the so-called folk wisdom:

didn’t sleep well during the day, so he’s being capricious;
I've been out for a long time, I should have gone to bed long ago;
whatever is not according to him, he always starts;
too many people, new impressions, so he got overexcited;
he was tired, of course, from traveling all day;
I'm sick, maybe... Isn't your forehead hot?

It is easy to see that everyone is looking for and finding the cause of the child’s whims in circumstances external to him. It’s as if he himself had nothing to do with it. Strange as it may seem, even the people around the child and their relationships with each other have nothing to do with it. The above can apply to absolutely any child. And the fact that some children are naughty almost continuously, while others are almost not naughty at all, does not seem to be relevant. So, some absolutely faceless coincidence of circumstances. Well, folk wisdom is as abstract as any wisdom in general. This is its advantage, this is also its disadvantage.

But we are interested in specific reasons. In addition, everyone knows such situations when a child is especially capricious in the presence of one specific person, and cases when even a very tired or sick child shows absolutely angelic meekness.

What's the catch here? And what, exactly, is wrong with the popular interpretation of children’s whims?

The answer is very simple. Children's whims are messages from a child. Messages from a little personality to the people around her, to the world. Not taking this into account when communicating with a child means ignoring a significant part of his actual needs. How to read these messages?

Sometimes their text is transparent and can be easily read by an attentive mother or grandmother (see the example given above: he’s being capricious, which means he wants to sleep! It’s enough to put such a capricious child to bed, and everything will be fine. The message is read, the need is satisfied.) But it’s not always like that Just. Remember Larisa.

Why are children capricious?

1. The first point will be told to us by the same folk wisdom.

The cause of children's capriciousness can be a chronic or just beginning somatic disease. If a child experiences physical pain, if he is stuffy, hot, if he is sick or has chills, he may not be able to say this in words (especially if we are talking about a child under three years old), but he will demonstrate the discomfort he experiences in form of behavior changes. This will be protest or inconsistent behavior, emotionally contradictory or inhibited.

Whenever a child begins to act up unexpectedly or out of the blue, you should carefully monitor his health in the coming hours.

If a child is chronically ill and often experiences physical discomfort, then in order to avoid the development of character pathologies, this should be compensated for by a larger (compared to an ordinary child) number of impressions of a positive, entertaining nature. With such a child, you need to talk more, play, show and explain to him pictures, books and films that are accessible to his age.

2. Very often, the main cause of children's capriciousness are various types of disruption of upbringing in the family.

In this case, the child’s message can be read as follows: “I need to be treated differently!”

The most common types of disorders in the upbringing of preschool children are hyperprotective (permissive) and hypoprotective (prohibitive). Particularly disastrous for a child’s balance is the combination of both violations (for example, parents raise them strictly, but their grandmother allows absolutely everything).

Overprotection leads to the fact that the child practically does not know the word “impossible.” Any prohibition causes him a violent and prolonged protest. Persistent attempts to bring such a child “into the framework” lead to seizures reminiscent of hysterical ones (lips turn blue, breathing becomes intermittent, movements lose coordination). Often parents are frightened by such menacing manifestations and give up their attempts, which further aggravates the situation.

Hypoprotection in its extreme form leads to the depletion of adaptive reserves. A child who is forbidden from everything at first tries to observe all the prohibitions and please his parents, but soon begins to feel that “you can’t live like this.” And then, on the other hand, we still end up with the same protest, capricious behavior, which irritates parents even more. Parents forbid the child to be capricious, he protests against the prohibition of protest - and this vicious circle can spin for years.

A violation of upbringing can also be a different educational orientation of family members caring for a child. For example, a hyperprotective mother and a hypoprotective father.

3. Sometimes a child’s whims are a symptom of intrafamily disharmony.

In this case, when analyzing the situation, it is not possible to identify either hypo- or hyperprotection; the child seems to be raised correctly, sometimes even “according to science,” but relations within the family are extremely tense. For example, the mother-in-law does not get along with her young daughter-in-law and tries in every possible way to prove and show her “worthlessness.” Or a young father, after the birth of a child, does not mind going for a walk, but his wife does not sleep at night, quietly cries and checks the pockets of his jacket in search of evidence of adultery. Here the whims - the child’s messages - are translated unambiguously: “I don’t want people who matter to me to quarrel with each other!”

There is no innate peacefulness or, especially, altruism on the part of the child in this. It’s just that the mental energy that should rightfully belong to him is spent by adults on sorting out relationships among themselves or, conversely, on maintaining a “good face on a bad game.” And the child is naturally dissatisfied with this. And he also naturally demonstrates this dissatisfaction to others. It is these children who often, and at first glance, inexplicably stop being capricious when the mother-in-law goes to the dacha (“But she almost never came to him!”) or when the father goes on a long business trip (“He loves dad, I know he always misses him!”). In fact, children in this case react not to the very absence of a family member (sometimes a sincerely loved one), but to the suspension of overt or hidden military actions.

4. Sometimes something else is mistaken for whims.

For example, a completely natural study of the reactions of parents, which a child usually undertakes in the third year of life: “Can’t go here? And I’ll go... And what will she do? Screams... And I’ll go again. So what will happen then? Yeah, it's dragging. And I’ll break free and go again... Oh-oh-oh! It seems that's enough..."

And so many times a day, for a variety of reasons. It's terribly tiring. But these are not whims. This is research. And if you are firm and consistent enough, then quite quickly (for different children this takes from several months to two years) the child will get used to all the diversity of your reactions, and will have a fairly clear idea of what can and cannot be allowed in communication with mom, with dad, with grandma...

A classic substitution, repeatedly described in the literature, is parents ignoring the child’s demands for personal independence. Classic “I myself!” Doesn't know how to eat cleanly, but reaches for a spoon. He tries to tie his shoelaces himself, then the whole family spends half an hour untangling them. He stubbornly puts his pants on backwards and is eager to go to kindergarten. When trying to correct the situation, he gets angry and screams. These are not whims either. In these cases, it makes sense to first praise the child for his desire for independence and note his obvious achievements, and then inform him that in order to complete the situation and make it more harmonious, it is necessary to do something else. As a rule, children at this age demand recognition of their attempts, because it is too early to talk about any real autonomy, and they actually understand this very well.

What should parents do when their child is naughty?

Try not to treat your child’s whims as another attempt to torment you. Imagine an alien who does not speak the earthly language well and is trying to convey something to your consciousness. Remember that the child’s position is further complicated by the fact that, unlike an alien, he does not have a “native language” that he would speak completely fluently. Cm.

Crybaby. Example of a psychologist's work

It is clear that in the family of Larisa and Galya, the whims stemmed from the mother’s inability to clearly convey her educational position to her daughter.

The active, smart girl is already fully exploring the world around her (including her mother’s personality), and Galya still perceives her as her physical continuation. At the same time, it seems to be implied that for Larisa everything that is obvious for Galya is “self-evident.” Cm.