Which women should you not marry or why is your husband a sad, semi-impotent man?

Why the husband does not want intimacy: reasons

Many women think that men constantly want sex and are used to having it several times a day. Actually this is not true. The fact is that even the desire for sex does not always mean that there is an opportunity to have it. For many men, it is much easier to masturbate than to engage in full sexual intercourse. This is due to the fact that it requires physical effort, as well as mood and well-being. This may not happen. That is why, when quick sexual release without sex is needed, the husband can start masturbating.

Oddly enough, we advise you not to let a man do this on his own, but to help him. No matter how strange it may sound, appetite comes in the process of eating. That is, a man may well want sex when he sees you nearby in the process of an interesting and unusual activity. As for the reasons why a man refuses sex, not everything is clear here. In most cases, the reasons are psychological, not physiological. That is, health problems very rarely become the reason for refusing sex.

Doesn't want intimacy

Reasons for refusing intimacy:

Fatigue. If your man works very hard, or even more so is a co-owner of a business, he may be very tired at work. Constant stress and fatigue affect his physical condition and health. Therefore, when he comes home, he naturally has no time for sex. In this case, we advise you to relax, go on vacation, or ask your husband’s management to hire someone else as an assistant. Or reduce physical activity at work.
The man is constantly under stress . Indeed, now many people have a very fast pace of life, men do not have time to have sex, or even get enough sleep. That is why constant overstrain at work also affects the sexual sphere. I just don't want sex.
Due to the fact that men are often prescribed antidepressants for calmness . These medications also cause the desire for sex to disappear. The fact is that sedatives have side effects and negatively affect libido. That is, they can reduce sexual desire.
In this case, you need to stop taking antidepressants and try to calm down in other ways. Now, unfortunately, there are not many ways to relax, but one of the most accessible for all residents is meditation and auto-training. Enroll in some kind of meditation and yoga group, this will help you get your nerves in order.

Refusal of intimacy

How a man behaves after cheating on his wife

In fact, it is not at all that difficult to determine that a man is cheating on his wife and is trying to keep it a secret so as not to destroy the family. Moreover, the longer his hobby on the side, the easier it is to figure it out. Let's talk about several of the most common options for how a husband behaves after cheating on his wife when he returns home.

He does "strange" things

The husband's behavior becomes different, and it is impossible not to notice. And everything happens as if by itself. Let's take a trivial example: his socks scattered around the bedroom. You've been trying for years to teach your husband to at least carry them to the bathroom, but to no avail. And then suddenly he himself put the socks into the washing machine and not only started the wash, but then also hung them out to dry.

Or your spouse, who is very far from romantic expressions of feelings, suddenly brings you flowers and your favorite wine as a gift, whereas before this had never happened even on your birthday. Moreover, he behaves like this on some ordinary Tuesday, without any reason. Perhaps your husband has begun to spend noticeably more time with you than before. Offers help around the house, watches the same movie as you (even though he doesn’t like it), etc. What causes such impulses? What could have happened? Unfortunately, these are all examples of how a husband behaves after cheating.

He stops being gentle

Your husband shows you less affection in intimate relationships. Why is this happening? The spouse behaves this way because he is tormented by his conscience (its remnants) and is haunted by the fact that he betrayed you. Perhaps this was just one betrayal, and the husband is trying to quickly get rid of the memory of it from his head. But this is precisely what prevents him from focusing on you and being sincere and gentle at the moment of intimacy.

Why doesn't my husband want to make love to me?

Causes:

The lack of sex may lie in the wife herself . Perhaps after marriage, she changed a lot, gained weight, and stopped taking care of herself. A man is greatly influenced by a woman’s appearance, so if she becomes unattractive and becomes overweight, then the husband’s sexual desire disappears. He wants sex, but not with his wife. In this case, the wife will have to change directly.
You need to join a gym, adjust your diet, and lose weight. It is also advisable to purchase new outfits and sexy lingerie. You need to show off in front of your husband in beautiful lingerie more often. Throw away all the greasy robes and invest in some sexy negligees.
A woman is very protective of her husband . Many girls really strive to become a kind of mother or nurse for their husband. You can’t do this; you shouldn’t rush after him with food, clothes, and a hat. Men 30-40 years old are already quite capable of taking care of themselves and deciding whether they want to wear a hat or not. Therefore, try to be not a mommy for your husband, but a wife and lover.

Lack of sex

The husband does not want intimacy because of his mistress

Another reason why a man often refuses sex is the presence of a mistress. The situation here is quite complicated; you have the opportunity to either divorce your lover or live in the situation that has developed. The most correct option is to make the husband leave his mistress. However, this will be quite difficult to do. You need to transform yourself, stop acting like a girl, and devote more time to your spouse.

In most cases, men leave for their mistresses due to lack of normal sex. A paradox occurs: it seems that the wife is not against sex, but at the same time it becomes gray and ordinary. The man is not happy with this. He needs bright, new impressions, as well as crazy sex and the former passion that was observed in his youth. A man very subtly senses the approach of old age, so he does not want to waste time just like that. They want to feel and feel like real males and men. This is why they have mistresses. For a man to leave his mistress, you need to give him the sex he wants.

Refusal of sex

My husband doesn’t want me - what should I do?

Also, a man often refuses sex due to the fact that he is not interested in it from the point of view of everyday life and everyday life. Now the Internet is replete with a variety of porn sites with interesting videos with different poses, types, and options for sex.

Adviсe:

Naturally, now everything is quite open, and a man can appreciate how love can be made. If simple everyday sex does not suit him, he simply refuses it. In this case, you will have to take the initiative into your own hands and diversify your sex life.
You can buy new sexy lingerie, sex toys, and ask your husband to experiment in bed. Almost all men agree to such experiments, because they are really interested in bright, interesting and unusual sex.
Perhaps if you transform and diversify your married life, a man will want you much more often. To awaken your husband's desire, make sex unusual and vibrant. Therefore, try to send the child to his parents and spend a free evening having sex with your husband.
To do this, you need to buy new underwear and prepare a romantic dinner. After your husband comes home from work, talk about something pleasant and try to do everything differently than usual, not have sex under a blanket in a dark room, but somehow diversify it.
Having sex in public places and unusual positions can save the situation. Try to be spontaneous and interesting. Many men are delighted with sex in the toilet of a restaurant or on the roof of a house. You can also practice lovemaking in parks.
Please note that it is better to do this at night when no one is walking there. It will be very unpleasant to find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, since schoolchildren, as well as dog owners with their pets, often walk in parks during the day.

Refusal of sex due to cheating

Psychologist's advice

From the very beginning, make it a rule not to accumulate dissatisfaction and immediately clarify controversial issues. Steam must be released on time.
If a quarrel arises and you get too excited, take a break and cool down, no matter how difficult it may be. A hot head is a bad adviser.
Learn to negotiate and make concessions to each other. Uncompromising resilience is good in war, but family is not a battlefield.
Create traditions and try to keep them, no matter what happens. Even in a hospital room you can have a traditional Sunday dinner with candles and declarations of love.
Talk to each other, be sincere, don’t be afraid to show your love once again. No one has ever died from a large number of warm feelings, but the soul “dries up” from their lack.
Once a year, take a hike “to the places of military glory.” You will be surprised how visiting a cafe where you had your first date and immersing yourself in the atmosphere of falling in love and enchanted by your chosen one can refresh your relationship.
Add variety to the monotony of family life. Show your imagination, come up with pleasant surprises for your other half, create and implement!
Be grateful to your life partner for their help and care. The wife cooks delicious borscht to please her husband. The husband nails down a shelf to please his wife. All good things come from love.

REMEMBER! Only mutual interest in reviving relationships can save a sinking family boat. The boat has 2 oars. If both are rowing, she moves forward. If only one thing works, it spins in place.

These simple recommendations will help breathe life into the barely warm fire of feelings. Remember that after night comes dawn, after rain the sun comes out, every crisis ends. Difficulties can be overcome if you work on them, so roll up your sleeves and start saving your marriage together.

My husband doesn't want sex: how to awaken the desire?

Health problems . Despite the fact that medicine is now very developed, it is still very difficult to get men to see a doctor. This is due to the fact that representatives of the stronger sex only go to the hospital if everything is really bad. Therefore, if you notice strange changes in your man’s behavior or health, be sure to make an appointment with the doctor and, if necessary, go with him.

Adviсe:

After 40 years, the amount of testosterone in the blood of men significantly decreases. Because of this, sex drive and libido decrease. The main way to increase it is not only the use of hormonal medications. This is not at all necessary. You can increase your testosterone levels by working out in the gym and eating healthy foods. Of course, there is no need to put pressure on a man and tell him that he should eat properly.
Switch the whole family to proper nutrition, prepare healthy food. Sign up with your husband for some dancing or a gym. You will be your husband's companion, this will allow him to get used to the lifestyle change much faster. All these exercises in the gym and changes in nutritional levels significantly affect a man’s libido. Due to the fact that the amount of bad cholesterol in the blood decreases, libido increases, and a man wants sex more often.
Try to be more persistent. Very often a woman waits for the first step from her man. In fact, many men dream of a woman being in charge of the situation and sometimes taking the initiative. That is, try to interest your husband, show that you care about him, and that you really want sex. That is, you can start undressing him yourself or make hints that you want to continue the evening in a more intimate setting.
Very often, men with diabetes, alcohol abuse, and problems with the thyroid gland refuse sex. Excess weight has a very bad effect on libido. So really, if your husband is fat, help him lose weight. Improved health, as well as weight loss, have a positive effect on libido. After all, it is indeed very difficult for a man with a lot of weight to have sex due to poor physical shape.
They become short of breath very quickly, and friction becomes simply impossible. Of course, in this case the wife can take the leading role and have sex in the cowgirl position. But still, a man sometimes wants to be in charge, to dominate sex, so give him this opportunity.

Husband doesn't want sex

How to behave as a wife after cheating

Cheating always leads to a serious deterioration in relationships and can provoke a psychological crisis in a woman. Some let go of the situation, others, on the contrary, emotionally cling to it. Let's say a man and woman have reconciled and continue to live together. How to behave when your husband returns after cheating? This is a difficult period in a relationship, because the feelings of the spouses are tested. And if a husband promised to love only his wife and remain faithful to her, then he will either truly love or endure with all his might so as not to cheat again. It is impossible to know for sure what is going on inside him. It will become clear only when he goes “left” again.

In the case where the husband assures that this betrayal “doesn’t mean anything” and “it just happened that way,” most likely, he really did not intend to cheat and did it under the influence of circumstances and momentary attraction. In such a situation, psychologists recommend coming to terms with the fact of betrayal.

Such excuses cannot, of course, serve as an excuse for betrayal, but they at least explain their reasons a little. In this case, try to take the incident calmly as much as possible.

There is no need to heat up the situation and create a tragedy for both yourself and your spouse.

Every woman is a bit of a psychologist, and you can perfectly use this quality for the benefit of your loved one. Find the positives in the current situation. Instead of suffering, give yourself time and attention, beautify yourself, go to a salon, fitness club, etc. You will not only forget that you were going to shed tears for your loved one, but you will also feel like a beautiful and attractive woman again.

It would be good not to lose sight of the intimate side of the issue. You definitely need to try, forgetting about prejudices and complexes, to show yourself sexier than your rival. This is precisely the area of life where there is no place for excessive shyness. Expand your knowledge in this area and improve your intimacy skills.

It is important in such a situation to like yourself and want to be liked by others. After all, a woman’s beauty is determined not by her age, but by her behavior, mood, sensuality and self-confidence.

Husband doesn't want sex: advice from a psychologist

Often affects a woman's sexual desire and perception. Very often, a man loses the desire to have sex with a woman with whom he experienced childbirth. This is why many psychologists advise not to invite your spouse to a partner birth. The fact is that a man can stop perceiving his woman as a sexual object.

Adviсe:

In addition, reluctance to have sex may be due to the woman's grip being too tight. Very often, such women educate their men, explain to them how to behave, and constantly nag them. The man loses interest in this woman, since he is used to feeling like a male and the head of the family, and not an errand boy. Try to loosen your grip and become a woman again, and not a Cerberus in a skirt.
Very often a man’s financial situation affects sex. Many men may have a complex about the fact that they earn less than their woman. They do not feel like a breadwinner, a male. Try to hide your income, or work in every possible way to make the man feel complete. He is the head of the family, earns more, and you perceive him as the master of the house.
Try to tell your husband less about how you take care of yourself. There is no need to tell him about the visit to the female doctor and describe the situation in detail. Also, you do not need to do sugaring, hair removal, or any other body care manipulations before it. The man is used to seeing the end result. There is no need for him to go into detail about how it all happens, thanks to which you manage to look so good.

Lack of sex
Men are very subtle and vulnerable creatures, sensitive to changes in a woman’s behavior and appearance. To be always desirable, try to look good and let the man be the leader in your relationship.

Is it normal for a husband to be a friend?

QUESTION on the forum “Psychology in a different way”:

We've been married for quite a long time. Previously, it seemed that without my husband I would be lost, everything around me would fall apart, including me. Last year, my husband moved to a new job and constant business trips began. For a week, sometimes two. Often. At first I was worried, but now I suddenly thought that without him, in fact, it would be even easier. You don’t have to eat to cook, you don’t have to share the TV in the evening)) and so on in small things. Plus, I also have to have sex with him, but by the evening I have no energy left. It would be better to sleep this time. (I get up very early) No! I’m glad when my husband returns, but more like a friend, whom I’m glad to see, ask questions, chat with, but not so much that he lives permanently. I was even confused by such thoughts. Maybe this is normal? and so for the majority after a certain time in marriage? Well, they don’t get divorced. He is a wonderful person, and his son adores him... In short, he is confused. Can you help?

ROITMAN ANSWERS:

I, as a husband, read your question and thought, is this normal? The first question that I immediately ask myself when I see or hear the question: so, what is the question, where are the key words, what interests the questioner? Well, regarding the question: is it normal for a husband to be a friend? My criterion in this regard is simple: if you feel your husband as a friend and this process continues, then this is most likely normal. According to the principle: if it exists and can exist, then it’s normal. Next. Like most people after a certain time in marriage. I don’t know about most, but for me it’s different. According to observations, the “husband as a friend” regime usually does not last long. Such a system, according to my observations, is not stable. “Well, they don’t get divorced. He is a wonderful person, and his son adores him,” - usually the structure is weak and does not support the family. This is what catches the eye in a formal framework, but if deeper and informal, then I see a family crisis. I don’t have enough material to more or less understand what is happening, but piece by piece and stipulations the following situation emerges: the established relationship in a couple today is not adequate to the changing situation, tension is growing in the couple. Once upon a time at school, I remember, they called it a “revolutionary situation”, when the “lower classes” do not want to live in the old way, and the “upper people” cannot govern in the old way - what to do? Different scenarios for the development of the situation are possible. The worst, in my opinion, unfortunately this happens, is stagnation, decay of relationships, when husband and wife continue to say to themselves for another 10-15-20 years, “Well, they can’t get a divorce. He is a wonderful person and his son adores him.” It’s good if each side takes a lover on the side, then the system will be at least a little unloaded. And if not... A more successful development of events is divorce. It’s hard, dramatic, but each side still has a chance to build new happiness in a new life, but do you think in new families they will pass crises? Now about the healthy development of the situation, as the fathers of dialectics taught us . A crisis is a form of development, a crisis is an obligatory form of development, which means there is no family without crises, which means there must be ways to resolve family crises without destroying the family, and moreover, crises lead to the maturation of the family. It’s good when a family has enough resources to rebuild the system of relationships in a changing situation, such as: the birth of the first child, the youngest child leaving for school, the youngest child completing school and joining the army, the eldest child getting married, the appearance of the first grandchildren, retirement... each of these situations provokes a crisis, but not all families divorce. If a family does not have enough resources (courage to conduct an unpopular dialogue on a more popular topic, generosity, tolerance to accept changes in a partner, wisdom, humility, love...) to overcome crises, then society traditionally offers help: relatives, rabbis, priests, friends, psychologists, smart people books and movies... I started talking like this, but in fact there is only one question, at least the answer to this question is the most diagnostic for me - do you want to be happy with this person? And if so, then I would have been crushed into pieces, but I would have forced myself to listen, because the most valuable thing is dying before my eyes, and I am not ready to remain silent. Or - I’ve long been not ready to be either happy or unhappy with this person - I just don’t want to be with this person, I don’t want to at all - and then I just need to quickly and quietly get a divorce, because life goes on.

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FROM THE ADMINISTRATION: We often receive questions from readers, Roitman used to answer everything, but lately there have been so many questions that he began to answer only those that were interesting to answer, we apologize in advance! Lately, the Institute's trainers have been involved in the answers, but don't put your finger in their mouth :) In short, an idea arose: to publish the most interesting questions and answers. This is what we are doing on behalf of the Administration, so as not to expose names. We also change some data just in case. You can write your questions in a personal message, just please indicate whether your question can be published. We write the answers with the name of the coach who answered.