Definition
Humiliation is the behavior of an individual aimed at suppressing the sense of dignity both in the person himself and in the eyes of others. This action can be either unconscious or intentional, for the purpose of self-affirmation or in the process of education. It is worth noting that humiliation can cause serious psychological trauma and nervous disorders. For the object at whom such activity is directed, humiliation is a serious shock and a blow to well-being. Self-esteem and humiliation are the fourth step in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Thus, a person consciously tries to avoid humiliating situations, which often leads to unsociability and sociopathy.
Clever words for humiliation
The problem of annoying interlocutors is extremely common. This could be an annoying fan, just a familiar person, an unloved colleague or a “sworn” friend. Sometimes, listening to an unpleasant or simply uninteresting speech from the person sitting opposite you, the only question that worries you is how to “send” the person culturally?
I wouldn’t insult aphids by comparing you...
Yes, you could go to the Kunstkamera during your lifetime!
I thought Aliens were only in movies.
You act as if you are sure that in hell there are not cauldrons of tar, but Jacuzzis.
I'm tired of you worse than bitter vodka!
How to morally humiliate a person
Have your parents ever asked you to run away from home?
You probably had a flower braided into your braid as a child... That's when the pot hit you on the head.
Yes, you are just a template for an idiot to build.
The only positive quality you have is the Rh factor.
I wonder if your mother was also very scared when she saw you for the first time in the maternity hospital?
It’s not my fault that you have an ass instead of a head!
Fear of humiliation
Humiliation is definitely an unpleasant feeling. Fear is largely due to the fact that anyone can find themselves in such an unpleasant situation, which is absolutely impossible to foresee. In this case, much depends on personal psychological characteristics. So, if an individual is self-confident and psychologically stable, he will calmly survive an unpleasant situation (it is quite possible that it will not leave a trace). But humiliation can break a weak personality, which sometimes leads to tragic consequences. Submission and humiliation are unwanted feelings that are especially painful for teenagers. It is during this period that the character and perception of the world is formed. Having experienced humiliation in adolescence, a person is wary of others and withdraws into himself. Trying to eliminate the possibility of a repetition of the situation, he becomes unsociable and aggressive, which complicates the process of adaptation in society.
Why do people who seek to humiliate or insult other people actually lack self-confidence?
Why do people who seek to humiliate other people actually lack self-confidence?
The desire to offend, insult or humiliate another person does not arise from a good life. A scandalous lady on the bus, a man calling his wife fat and stupid, children at school who are bullying a classmate - all of them are absolutely insecure and, with the help of ostentatious aggression, try to increase their sense of importance.
Moreover, such people are sincerely convinced that a negative attitude towards others has no connection with their inner sense of self.
I had a friend, and this word hurts my ears. No, she’s alive and I hope she’s healthy, we just parted ways, as it seemed at the most inopportune moment for me. Those days were very difficult, which dragged on for months and exceeded a whole year. Every day I learned to live again, to love myself and life. I was facing a difficult divorce from a man I really loved, but alas, living with him no longer made sense. He betrayed me. And our quarrels and showdowns were heard by the now grown-up baby. For the sake of his quiet life, I left when our son was 2 years old. I just realized that my baby shouldn’t see our hysterics and my tears at night, and sometimes even for days, he deserves a better life, and I undoubtedly love him much more than my husband.
My husband made his choice and I just had to come to terms with it and let him go on a free journey and the knowledge of his god “Jehovah”. Yes, sad as it is, my husband joined the Jehovah’s Witnesses network. And my world collapsed when I saw his face with a blissful smile and glassy eyes. In front of me stood a completely different person, or rather all that was left of him. His only conversations were about Armageddon and Eternal Life. He constantly read and attended meetings of this organization all weekends, difficult days, when my son or I were sick, holidays, we were always alone. To be continued later... So...
One beautiful autumn day for me, I met my classmate at the post office, when I was picking up a package, she is a special person for me, our paths diverged after school on her initiative, she simply disappeared, changing her phone number and city. It’s been like 10 years since our last meeting, but you know, meeting her, my soul felt so warm. That dear little man with whom we went through so much sitting at the same desk, a witness to my first love, my first lipstick, foundation, and many other secrets. In general, I was incredibly glad that we met, as if fate had given her to me again.
She became part of my family, godmother to my son, was included in my home, in my soul and heart.
And it seemed to me that everything was mutual with us. But it turned out that it seemed...
It all started with Blinkovskaya’s training, which I wanted to attend, but at that time there was no such amount and I went through the basics. I was very impressed and told her everything that happened in my life honestly and openly to her. To my unexpected surprise, a lot of criticism and insults were directed at me and Blinkovskaya, as a person and her training and all trainings and successful people. That they are deceivers, etc. I just wanted to find myself, which I had lost, to start something new in life, to discover more opportunities for myself, new shores, to understand what I want. There was too much pain in my soul at that time, and probably for me such trainings were like a breath of air to move on, learn something, maybe get a profession or maybe 2.3. Yes, just put yourself together like a puzzle. Now there are a lot of opportunities to earn money, and not only by profession. But my friend, as I considered her, said that I was without a brain, like many people who believe in this. And that I live with rose-colored glasses, it’s my own fault that my husband went to a sect, and that I’m just stupid and worthless... The squabble was long and we said a lot of unpleasant things to each other, although I never offended her. I won’t say what else she said to me... it’s too uncivilized...
She left my life as if she never existed... But the pain in my soul and the sediment remained...
Why do people think that they have the right to judge, decide what you need more, and simply spit in your soul when you are waiting for support and understanding...
Is it possible to avoid humiliation?
Submission and humiliation will not be pleasant for anyone. It is natural that people try to avoid such situations, even if they have not previously encountered such feelings. Typically, people are humiliated during conflict. If you feel that the situation is heating up, you can use the following techniques:
- Try to understand the mood of your interlocutor. If he behaves aggressively, do not try to express your opinion, even if it is the only correct one.
- Try to defuse the situation by changing the subject. This must be done carefully so as not to offend your interlocutor.
- If you feel that humiliation of honor is the main goal of the interlocutor, you should not even try to prove that you are right. Even if you are overwhelmed with emotion, just turn around and walk away.
How to properly respond to insults: advice from a psychologist
Unfortunately, most people think that ignoring the offender is the best response. However, in practice, this technique has a negative tendency: feeling impunity, the aggressor continues to humiliate those around him. In order not to become a “punching bag,” you need to respond correctly to negativity, taking into account the specifics of a particular situation, as well as your personal relationship with the pest.
Psychologists have developed recommendations explaining how to respond to insults from different people:
- If the aggressor is a boss or work colleague, you cannot pretend that nothing happened. To stop the conflict, you need to ask the employee to respect the chain of command, remind him of work ethics and ask him not to cross the boundaries indicated by it. Otherwise, you can refer to the article of the constitution, which provides for administrative punishment for insults.
- Often relatives act as the offender. You need to react to attacks from family members with the utmost calm. If possible, reduce communication (when the offender is the husband of a second cousin), otherwise (when parents, spouses or children are offended), it is important to understand the situation together, convey to the offender that his words greatly hurt and find a compromise that suits both parties.
- You need to react especially carefully to attacks from close friends. First of all, it is important to find out what exactly the aggressor wanted to achieve and explain to him that defending his own position through humiliation will not allow him to get the desired result, but, on the contrary, can destroy the friendship.
- When the source of negativity is distant acquaintances or complete strangers, you should not get involved in a squabble. You need to remind yourself that such a person plays a short, intermediate role in your life, he has no right to evaluate your appearance or behavior in any way. And even more so, to inform you of my conclusions. You can only react to insults coming from the lips of such individuals with humor.
- In modern society, everyone is accustomed to situations where government employees act as the aggressor. Sooner or later, everyone is faced with the need to resolve issues with representatives of government civil servants. It is quite difficult to adequately respond to insults from them, because these people receive their salaries from the budget, that is, from the taxes you paid. Their official powers simply do not allow humiliation and evaluation of clients' activities. In this case, it is not psychology that will help fight negativity, but the law. To do this, you need to remind the offender that he has no right to insult visitors, and if there is no proper reaction, to complain to higher authorities.
Psychologists categorically do not recommend reacting aggressively to insults. By succumbing to manipulation, you sink to the level of the offender, which only aggravates the situation. If, after all that has been said, the conflict is resolved, the aftertaste will remain for life.
When faced with insults, you need to remember that the best response to an irritant is calm. You can put a person in his place in a civilized way. By understanding the reasons for what happened, you will have a chance to maintain a normal relationship.
If you can’t explain the wrong intelligently, you can react more persistently. But the answer to the most dull aggressors should not be with abuse. To make them feel that they are wrong, you can find their weak points and gently point them out.
For example, you can respond to insults with the following phrases (accompanied by a slight smile):
- “Now you expect me to start making excuses?”;
- “Your parents are probably ashamed of your upbringing!”;
- “You probably forgot to take your pills?”
The response phrase can have any other meaning. But the main message must be preserved. The main thing is not to make excuses and not to let the offender know that his words hurt you. Only in this way will he understand that he will not be able to get the desired reaction and, most likely, will stop stooping to insults.
How to survive humiliation?
Humiliation of human dignity is a way of self-affirmation, revenge, etc. Nevertheless, for a person who has been subjected to such influence, this is a serious shock that can leave an imprint for the rest of his life. There are cases when a humiliating situation became the cause of suicide (especially among teenagers). To survive an unpleasant situation without serious consequences for the psyche, you should pay attention to the following tips:
- A common technique is “crossing out”. You must live and communicate with others as if the unpleasant incident never happened.
- If you can't erase a humiliating situation from your memory, try using visual images. While in a relaxed state, imagine that your memories and the sensations associated with them are washed away by water or blown away by the wind.
- Find some unnecessary item (for example, a cracked plate, an old toy, a broken watch) and put all your negativity into it. Next, this thing must be destroyed.
- If you consider yourself to be a strong person, accumulate negative energy and direct it to active actions. Your success will certainly cover all the negative emotions caused by humiliation.
- Take the situation you experienced not as a shock, but as a life lesson. Carefully analyze what happened to understand its causes. It is also worth developing a behavior strategy that will help you avoid humiliation in the future.
How to take revenge on your husband for insults and humiliation
When a woman thinks about how to survive humiliation, the thought appears that only revenge will help her feel relief. Behind any desire for revenge lies lost energy and a thirst for restoration of justice, but it may turn out that in any case, forgiveness will come. First of all, you need to honestly answer yourself what exactly you want. If you return the wasted time or make him understand how wrong he was, then revenge is powerless in these cases, it will only inflame your emotions. You need to find something that will calm your soul and fill it. Perhaps for this it will be enough for the man to ask for forgiveness - then you don’t need to scratch his car, but speak directly and honestly about your own feelings and grievances, as well as the need for his apology. There will be more peace after this, but this step requires many times more courage than doing dirty tricks anonymously.
Before developing a plan for any revenge, you need to take care of your own safety and eliminate the negative impact of the steps taken on your own career, communication with friends and your own emotional state. If the first two points can be more or less calculated and secured, then your own psyche may fail you. The fact is that the same amount of energy resources is spent on revenge as on help and self-healing. While there is a thirst for revenge, a colossal amount of energy is given, and after retribution is completed, a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction can settle. Even worse, many become addicted to the adrenaline rush that occurs in the body while concocting and implementing a plan for revenge. In such situations, the suffering of another does not improve one’s own perception of the world. This is comparable to drinking alcohol to warm up in the cold - at first there is a feeling of warmth, but in the end the body freezes many times faster.
One way to get revenge without disturbing your emotional balance too much is to start communicating with men who behave differently. Do not arrange romantic affairs, but simply accept signs of attention, thank loudly and in a detailed form for the help provided and courteous attitude. When a husband observes that his woman blossoms next to others, he will begin to track what kind of actions such a reaction occurs to, and the feeling of jealousy will painfully prick his pride. The option is optimal because you not only take revenge, but also show your spouse possible solutions. Plus, you boost your self-esteem.
Any humiliation is aimed at manipulation and lowering self-esteem, and the best revenge would be to disrupt such plans, that is, you need to organize your life in order to be as happy, successful and independent from your husband’s attacks and caustic statements as possible. If he resorts to humiliation, it means that other methods have run out, and the ineffectiveness of this method will make him fight in hysterics. Many people end the relationship after this, unable to recognize the other’s right to their choice and happiness, but there are also those who realize the limits of their capabilities and enter into an open dialogue.
Should I see a psychologist?
Many people do not take insult to feelings seriously. However, it can cause serious psychological trauma. It is worth understanding that all people are different. Some will calmly endure humiliation, some will come out of their depressed state on their own, and for some, even the support of loved ones will not be a consolation. In the latter case, you should definitely contact a psychologist. A specialist will help you feel like a full-fledged person again. In addition, a qualified psychologist will give you valuable advice for the future, which will allow you to get out of humiliating situations with dignity.
Comes from childhood
Devaluation stems from childhood. Very often, parents themselves build their communication by belittling each other and, at the same time, pointing out to the child his shortcomings. And the child perceives this model as the only one in which he knows how to exist, and takes it with him into adulthood.
Moreover, parents are people too.
With low self-esteem, self-doubt and the feeling that everything in their life is somehow not very healthy. They can be consumed by an unconscious but burning reluctance for someone to be better than themselves. What do we get then? “All children are like children, and you!..” “Again, I spent the whole day collecting my models. I’d rather do my homework!” “Dumb!” Idiot! Nothing good will come of you!”
Article on the topic
Low self-esteem is the first step towards anorexia
And then a “child” grows up, devaluing others and himself, instead of an adult who is confident, successful and knows what he wants.
Cultural and psychological humiliation
Insulting feelings can have different implications. Thus, cultural humiliation most often occurs. It is aimed at presenting a person in an unsightly light in front of others, provoking ridicule and persecution. Most often this concerns some features of appearance, behavior, personal life, and so on. However, no matter how strong the fear of social condemnation, psychological humiliation is much worse. It touches on the state of mind, painful situations and topics. As a result, a person may fall into deep depression.
Signs of arrogant people
To prevent the relationship from going too far, you need to learn as early as possible to pay attention to manifestations of arrogance, which, by the way, can be very well disguised for some time.
The main sign of an arrogant person is self-obsession. Having observed such an individual, you can note for yourself that by hook or by crook he will create an environment where everyone would adapt to him.
Thus, an insolent person will ignore reality and its difficulties, since they often make you think about your behavior, attitude towards life, and people.
An arrogant person is not inclined to introspection or work on himself. He considers himself perfect.
An insolent person can also be identified by the following characteristics:
How to humiliate a person (not be taken as a guide to action)?
People are often careless in communicating with each other. They do not even suspect that a carelessly spoken word can cause serious psychological trauma. How to humiliate a person? Much easier than it might seem. The following words and situations are humiliating:
- Demonstrative pointing out obvious things. For example: “You need to brush your teeth!”, “You need to iron your clothes!”, “You can’t slurp at the table!” In this way, the person is trying to hint at the low level of intellectual, physical and social development of the opponent.
- Criticism of the personality of an abstract person, which is actually aimed specifically at the interlocutor. For example: “Whoever smokes tobacco is a fool!” This is the most harmless example. It is not uncommon for people to bring up personal feelings or more serious situations.
- It would seem that giving advice is harmless and even noble. However, there may be some hidden subtext here. When trying to give useful advice, people often portray their interlocutor in an unflattering light or demonstrate intellectual superiority.
- Not only the phrase itself, but also the intonation with which it is said can humiliate a person. Thus, a dismissive or arrogant tone can offend, even if some ordinary thing is said.
- Unconstructive criticism that affects a person’s hobbies and beliefs. For example, by claiming that all boxers are mentally retarded, that all artists are alcoholics, and musicians are drug addicts, a person is trying to discredit your way of life.
- When communicating with a specialist in a particular field, people often praise his competitors. However, this can be regarded as a desire to belittle the professional qualities of the interlocutor.
- Laughter or jokes during dialogue. The person will undoubtedly be offended by the inappropriate laughter that follows a serious and meaningful phrase.
- An unexpected change of topic when the interlocutor is talking about something extremely important to himself. This is a demonstration of neglect and disrespect.
- Features of appearance are one of the most painful topics. It is very easy to insult a person and cause internal complexes in him if you point out figure flaws or some defects.
The essence of humiliation
When a person purposefully reduces the value of an opponent, it is considered humiliation. He asserts himself at his expense, shows himself in a favorable light, although he has no virtues. In this way, people hint at the shortcomings of the interlocutor, discrepancy with expectations and ideas about him. They hide their own weaknesses.
The most offensive and threatening insults are perceived painfully, because a person needs to be accepted by society. Those who have high self-esteem feel the worst. An adequate person who treats his shortcomings with humor will survive the insult more easily, or will not pay attention to it at all.
Some individuals see their failure in the success of other people. They were unable to realize themselves in life. In order to present themselves as more successful, they will deliberately humiliate their opponents and their achievements. Energy vampires also love it when others feel bad. Those who are afraid of warm feelings towards other individuals or feel guilty are also humiliated.
Humiliation is a mask behind which people hide self-doubt and complexes. At the same time, they are afraid that they will be exposed. By insulting other people, they are considered weaker, although they themselves are weaker.
