The brain is simultaneously torn in three directions: what did I do wrong? Who is this... And, most importantly, how to get him back?! The husband left for his mistress. What to do? We'll tell you now.
Hello! The Power of Attraction is with you!
It doesn’t really matter whether he silently packed up and left or gave a final concert - you are in deep shock. Just yesterday you were planning joint purchases, dreaming of a vacation and meeting your loved one with a pot of delicious soup. And now your precious one revels in the novelty of sensations with some... But we’ll stop here - so everything is clear. It’s unclear how to live and what to do now.
To be fully equipped, use our “Unconventional Relationship Recovery Plan.”
First, let's try to understand why he left - when you know the reason, it is easier to prevent a relapse. And here an unpleasant surprise awaits us. It turns out that in approximately 90% of cases a man is pushed to cheat... by his own wife. Without wanting to, of course.
Wolves, wolves...
If you don’t delve into the reasons, this may seem completely irrational: what we are afraid of is happening to us! But it's easy to explain.
What I’ve heard a hundred times, “All men cheat!” stuck in my head. Therefore, like a herding dog, you regularly check the “perimeter”: is it getting ready to leave? Monitor social networks and sms, probe your pockets. General nervousness is increased by watching news like “Rita Dakota admitted that she always guessed about her husband’s infidelity...”.
And you, like the boy from the old fairy tale, one day discover that “the wolves are on the doorstep” - your husband has found a place where, at least, he is not being nagged.
But if you really love and are ready to get your loved one back, follow our “unconventional relationship recovery plan” >>>
Who is better to stay with?
There is no such thing as loving both women at once. Most likely, the man doesn’t really love any of them, otherwise he would have made his choice long ago. True love extends to only one person. But when faced with a dilemma, the man does not see a life partner in any of the women, and decides to remain alone or use two ladies at once.
But if, nevertheless, you have to choose someone...
- The wife is unlikely to accept her rival if she is aware of her husband's affair.
- The mistress is similar, it is unlikely that she will decide on the girl number 2.
That is why it will be necessary to make a choice. Whichever one he chooses, the decision will be difficult, since he will have to choose which benefits to give up and which to stay with. The following points will help you with your choice:
- Determining what he can refuse and what he is ready to face in the future.
- Decide which of the two women has feelings for, at least a little bit stronger? Also, you should take into account which of the girls is more attached to?
What do you think, is it possible to love your wife and mistress at the same time? Share your opinion in the comments.
I left because it was good!
“They don’t leave good wives.” You will still have to hear this evil hissing. But there is no truth behind these words.
Most likely, you were just good, even too good. So much so that the man stopped seeing you as the woman he loves. In his mind, you have become “mommy.” Who takes care of all the household chores, simultaneously blowing away the fluff from her beloved husband.
Listen to a story about problems at work and agree that the boss is a fool? Certainly. Make sure your shirt matches your eyes? Easily. Fix the faucet instead of a plumber? You can do that too.
Have you done so much in a day that in the evening, when you put cream under your eyes, you hope: maybe he’s tired too and there won’t be sex?
Is it possible
Can a man love his mistress and his wife at the same time? Psychologists agree that this is impossible. Why does a person think differently? He thinks this because he confuses some feelings with others.
Passion on the side always manages to evoke intense feelings of passion in a man, otherwise he would not sleep with her. In this case, a man often confuses the feeling of passion with the feeling of love, falling into the trap of illusion.
It happens that a man perceives his mistress as ideal, due to the absence of certain negative qualities that are present in his legal wife. Thinking that she is a perfect woman because of missing qualities is a very big mistake.
It also happens that a man believes that he has fallen in love with his mistress because he feels happy with her. My wife and I have not had this feeling for a long time. The girl on the side always knows how to behave and what to do so that the man maintains communication with her. But it would be delusional to consider this way of solving your problems as a manifestation of love.
What makes a husband think that he loves his wife?
- Feels guilty for his behavior in front of his wife. Just like he feels pity, which he confuses with a manifestation of love.
- The respect that the wife has earned over many years of married life, helping and rescuing him in different situations, accepting him as he is. A man shows respect to the woman who has accepted him.
- He is addicted to his wife, from which he experiences fear of divorce, thereby also confusing fear with the manifestation of feelings.
Borscht and go to bed!
As annoying as it is to admit it, Marya Ivanovna from the third entrance was right. By and large, this is all men need. You can rephrase it more beautifully: “He wants care and love!” The essence is the same.
If the husband begins to stay late in the evenings for no reason, on weekends he has meetings with friends to which “well, no one comes with his wife!”, And the last time we had sex... we won’t even remember when - the symptoms are obvious. But you, understandably, until recently did not want to believe that this could happen in your family. And, unfortunately, with all the love for your borscht, your husband left for his mistress. To the bed.
To avoid getting into the same situation in the future, learn to express your love in a language that a man understands. The article “Five Love Languages: How to “Speak” so that you are clearly understood” will help you with this >>>
Sex in your couple is out of the question (no time, tired). The help of your husband and father also somehow lost its meaning, because you do everything yourself... But a man is by nature a male, a protector, a provider. And which of all these roles does he have left?
Reasons for leaving
Why did my husband leave? This question willy-nilly worries a woman who is distracted from thoughts about how he lives there now, whether he remembers her, or regrets what happened. Let's understand what the reasons were for his departure, so that, if possible, we do not create them again and even eliminate them if the husband returns:
- Resentments, reproaches, scandals. Family relationships are full of this. Husband and wife cannot live smoothly - this is normal because they are not the same people. However, sometimes relationships really become too filled with resentment, disappointment, anger and quarrels. If every evening you argued with your husband, noticed that he no longer wanted to talk to you, and was in no hurry to go home, it means that already at that moment your husband broke off the relationship with you.
- Wife's ugliness. If, after registering your marriage, you gradually stopped caring for yourself, using cosmetics, and gained weight, especially after having children, then the husband may have his own complaints against his wife. Undoubtedly, you can understand that you have gained weight due to pregnancy, but do not use cosmetics because you do not have time for this. Still, sometimes you need to show your desire to be beautiful. You can lose weight after giving birth, and you can use cosmetics at least in a minimal amount.
- Throwing yourself into work. Some women become careerists. If someone is lucky enough to get into a company where people are promoted by career position, then the woman may become too involved in work. If the house is constantly not cleaned, the children are not raised, and the husband sits on semi-finished foods, he may get tired of this over time. The husband married not a career woman, but a woman, hoping that she would take care of the house.
- Lack of sexual satisfaction. Often in marital relationships, wives stop having sex with their husbands well and often. Everything seems to be changing. Husbands think that now they will be provided with constant sex, but that’s not the case. Wives constantly cite headaches, fatigue, menstruation, or being busy with children, which makes their husbands naturally want to find lovers to replace them.
These reasons are the most common reasons why men start having mistresses. Leaving the family indicates that the reasons have truly reached an extreme. If a man is uncomfortable in his family, then he agrees to go into a relationship with his mistress. Additional factors may include:
- The desire to be free. This happens when a man is burdened by family relationships.
- The desire for novelty. This reason is very superficial, so often husbands soon return to their wives, because they are tired of their mistresses.
- Boredom. A man is bored in his relationship with his wife, so he meets with his mistress, with whom he can communicate, receive love and support.
- Compensation for sex.
- The desire for new sensations. A man always needs fresh impressions, sometimes he takes them from his relationship with his mistress.
- The desire to develop. If a man does not develop in his relationship with his wife, then he uses the services of a mistress who clearly inspires him.
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Oh, you are such a man...
By exclusively wanting the best, you have created ideal conditions for a man to cheat. Because he simply has nothing and no one to do at home! At home there is a “mother” who can do everything – “swim breaststroke, argue with bass.” But there is no woman in whom there is mystery, intrigue, appeal!
While you were killing yourself for the good of your family, somewhere nearby a girl appeared with whom it was pleasant to talk and whom you wanted to help. The poor thing either needs to carry a heavy box home or start the car...
And it may very well be that at first your loved one was driven by a simple desire to help. But two or three meetings, glances, sms... He is excited by this romance of the conspiracy and the other one wants him always and everywhere... Yes, even right now.
With the other one, he feels like a man. And this is very important!
And now the most important question: what to do. Like what? Change!
Where does love for two women come from?
Can a man love his wife and his mistress at the same time? Let's talk about the process of the emergence of such a manifestation of feelings. Why does a man look for a new passion? It is obvious that there are aspects in the family that do not suit him. At the sight of his mistress, he not only commits infidelity to his lawful wife, due to raging hormones, but also realizes his desires to satisfy his needs.
When he starts an affair on the side, he becomes more peaceful. A man gets the attention he needs from two women. One woman feeds, waters, raises the heirs, with the second he rests body and soul. Next to his lover, he is filled with feelings and excitement, enjoying life.
From peacefulness, a good relationship with his wife begins to develop. After all, he no longer quarrels with her and stops looking for flaws in her. He satisfied his needs with his mistress, and therefore his wife’s behavior no longer worries him so much. Without quarrels, the relationship is resumed, in which he may consider that his old feelings for his wife have returned.
In fact, the man did not feel love for anyone, he only wants to satisfy his needs, which he does at the expense of both women.
Breathe deeply: you are excited!
A sudden breakup is a serious reason to... think about yourself. Yes, there is a lump in his throat, his heart is being sawed with a dull knife, his face is before his eyes (“I’ve thought about everything!”).
In a stressful situation, pressure changes, uncontrollable tears and even panic attacks can begin. Breathing exercises give excellent results. Take this responsibly: you have important decisions ahead of you, it’s better to get yourself in order psychologically and emotionally.
Keep your back straight and close your eyes. Relax your arms, shoulders, and facial muscles. Try to drive away bad thoughts. Place your palms on your temples, pressing slightly. Breathe steadily, counting to yourself to 10. Change the position of your hands: one palm on your forehead, the other on the back of your head. Breathe calmly again, remembering to count.
Repeat the exercise 5-10 times.
If the ex-husband got married
This is an extremely difficult situation. It's very hard to watch, especially when you know that he's not dating a real person, but an image that doesn't actually even exist in reality.
You probably want to find out a way to quarrel between your ex-husband and his mistress forever by pointing out this, but even if everything works out, it still won’t work out to just take the man back. If you're really sure you still want to save your marriage (there's nothing wrong with taking your time to realize that), then the best thing to do now is to just let the relationship run its course.
As can be seen from the statistics, the chances that the ex-husband and his mistress will be happy are not very high. So you don't have to do anything other than wait.
It's a good idea to focus on your own recovery. This way, by the time the man realizes that he was wrong and incredibly stupid, you will become stronger.
Beautiful picture
If your husband has left for his mistress, use your main advantage - a strong energy connection. You have common memories and common dreams. You know each other like no one else does. And the one to whom he went has so far only a bed - and shaky hopes of keeping him.
She became nothing to him and is not dear to him. There is no depth in these relationships yet: this is not 3D, but just a flat picture. It’s just that at the right moment she successfully substituted herself so that the man could again feel like a conqueror. Well... take it back! “non-standard relationship restoration plan” will help you with this
Get back your old self. Become the girl he once fell in love with. Which he looked after. Which I sought and appreciated! Fill yourself with energy - so you can give it to your man!
Try not to spy on him on social networks, not to track him down or ask mutual friends. And if jealousy “eats” you, check out our article “How to stop being jealous: 5 tips” >>>
And then start improving your own self-esteem. Recommendations from our article “And why did you give birth to me with this..., or How to accept yourself and love yourself” will help restore self-confidence >>>
How to behave and what to do
The most important thing is don't wait for it. There is no need to demonstrate with all your appearance that you are trying to get him back. Those who wait are rarely returned. And if they do come, they constantly change because of a feeling of impunity.
Indifferent farewell
When he leaves, you need to remain completely calm. It doesn’t matter why the man left for another, now you need to show your good side. Be remembered as an adequate woman.
Without unnecessary emotions, say goodbye, close the door behind him, wait a few minutes, and then you can give free rein to your feelings. If you understand that you cannot restrain yourself, do not attend his gathering at all. Live in your parents' apartment and let someone else act as your representative if you are afraid that your husband will take too much.
Polite communication
One way or another, you will have to maintain communication after a breakup, especially if you have children together. If you hope that your husband will return from his mistress, you need to maintain a good relationship.
Try to spend more time together, creating a family atmosphere. If your husband left for his mistress after 30 years of marriage, you know exactly what he liked all these years. Cook his favorite dish, take out a blanket from your past, turn on his favorite show on TV in the background. It is necessary that when he comes to visit, he feels like in his best years, and does not want to leave this house.
Call him to your place for various reasons, but compelling ones. You need to take your child to the hospital or he has a fever and needs certain medications, but there is no way to go to the pharmacy. Invite your child to competitions, performances, matinees - he will not want to miss such important moments in his life.
Common children bind a man and a woman stronger than the bonds of marriage.
Without children, it will be more difficult to return him, but you can press on pity. Say that the faucet is leaking and you have no idea what to do - because he usually fixed it. Ask to take you somewhere, pick up or bring something.
The more often you distract him from his new passion, the more often they will quarrel. She will understand that she is still on the sidelines, and will begin to create scandals on this basis. A man will quickly escape from such hassle.
To live on
Even if the husband left for his young mistress, survive as if nothing had happened. It’s a shame, it’s painful, it’s scary, but life doesn’t end there.
He will never return to the pitiful, tear-stained woman who has given up her hands. So in any case, you need to pull yourself together - either for the return of your husband, or for a new man, or just for yourself.
Change your image, play sports, find something you like, travel, discover new activities, try something new.
An interesting and lively person who takes care of himself and does not lose heart is more likely to attract new love. So show your husband that you have blossomed without him, and the jealousy of “who did I lose” will awaken in him, and he may return faster.
If necessary, see a psychologist to sort out your emotions.
