“As I said, so it will be!”: who should be the head of the family in modern relationships?

Leadership in the family

A family is a unit of society in which all members achieve certain goals by sharing responsibilities. In a family, someone must be in charge in order to solve any everyday difficulties. Women by nature are quite weak creatures. They cannot cope with some problems on their own. If a representative of the fair sex decides to become the head of the family, she thereby belittles not only the role of the man, but also his self-esteem. Once upon a time it was accepted that a woman should obey her man in everything, so guys on a subconscious level choose as their wife the girl who is capable of being obedient and flexible.

A man, undoubtedly, should occupy dominant and leading positions in the family. The fact is that representatives of the stronger sex have the least emotionality, so they are able to more soberly assess the current situation and competently make decisions to eliminate the difficulties, obstacles and problems that have arisen. They can provide for their household members financially, as well as provide them with moral support.

A woman cannot be the head of a family not only because of her weakness, but also because she is susceptible to the negative influence of external factors. She cannot ensure safety and make the right decisions in a timely manner in various emergency situations. The girl is assigned a completely different task: she creates comfort and coziness in the house, raises children, improves the microclimate in relationships and provides moral support to her significant other. If a woman tries to become a family leader while living in a marriage with a henpecked man, such a relationship is doomed from the very beginning. Although any rule, of course, has its exceptions, so it is impossible to talk about this unequivocally.

What are the responsibilities of a husband and wife

How to constructively solve problems without pulling the blanket of the head of the family over yourself? To do this, you need to know the responsibilities of spouses that have been established from time immemorial, which cannot be changed no matter what century it is.

A family needs a clear distribution of responsibilities and roles. A woman believes that she bears all the worries and difficulties of family life, underestimating a man’s authority and claiming that the wife is the main one in the family! The husband, quite often, claims supremacy solely because he is a man and does not want to listen to the woman. Who is the boss in the family? How to determine?

A successful marriage is a rare occurrence today. Every person dreams of having a happy marriage, but not everyone knows how to achieve this. Happiness in marriage does not come on its own. We need to work on it. And increasingly, the question of supremacy stands in the way.

There cannot be two leaders in a family. There will always be someone who will make a decision and take responsibility. But the ability to give in does not mean that you are showing weakness. On the contrary, it is indicative of wisdom.

Spouses must agree on whether the man or woman is the head of the family, otherwise the blanket will constantly be pulled over oneself. Despite the fact that much in family life depends on the man, the psychological climate in the house is mainly determined by the woman.

The following mini-test will help determine the leader in the family. Circle the appropriate letter or two (if you're on the same page) in the following test. Calculate which is more “m” or “f”. This way you will find out who is more important in your family: husband or wife.

A father is a model of masculinity for a son, and for a daughter, a standard by which she will choose a life partner in the future.

The behavior of the mother is the key to a successful relationship between the son and his wife in the future, and for the daughter the standard for raising her children.

Now remember your father and mother, and the parents of your companion. Is it so? Do you copy the patterns adopted in childhood in your family?

Is there equality in the family?

Some people are sure that an idyll reigns in their relationship due to the fact that husband and wife have equal rights. In fact, equality is only an illusion. Yes, spouses discuss some problems together and make important decisions together, but responsibility still lies with one person. What most often happens is that during family council, a woman expresses her point of view to her husband, the husband either agrees with her or refutes it, and in the end he most likely proves to his wife that he is right.

It doesn't matter who's in charge!

Love is the feeling when you love a person for who he is here and now. With all the advantages and disadvantages. And therefore, I can say with all responsibility: it doesn’t matter who is in charge in the family, what is important is to love each other and bring each other happiness.

To do this, sometimes you need to put your negative emotions away, meet them halfway, and listen to your spouse. Love is a great work.

Friends, life is not so long to find out who is more important, who is smarter in the family, etc. Learn to be conscious people and enjoy all the moments of your life's journey. Ask yourself: “How can I make my significant other happy?”

Is the man the head of the family?

Previously, a man was the head of the family , we know this from school. His most important responsibility was to provide his family with everything they needed. A woman’s duty is to maintain the family hearth, give birth to and raise children, and, of course, remain faithful to her husband. In general, everything that a woman received - money, or even just bread - she received from the hands of the breadwinner, the head of the family. Now the situation has changed dramatically, everyone, or almost everyone, will agree with this, and nowadays even a woman can earn and provide for herself and her children. This begs the question, who is in charge in the family now?

Matriarchy is not bad

The man is not always the head of the family. And that's okay. If the German people today are ruled by women, and their standard of living is much higher than ours, then we can say that matriarchy is not a bad thing.

In today's world, a woman leader is a normal phenomenon. Men really fail in many areas. But if we talk about the family, then the main quality of its health is mutual understanding. If your wife has a good idea, why not support it?

Is the woman the head of the family?

Now, if a man offers his hand and heart, it does not at all mean that he will be the only economic support in the family; economically, a woman may also be the head of the family . And in modern families, at least in most of them, only children in the family are dependent, and both spouses provide for them. From this point of view, it also becomes unclear who is the head of the family in economic terms, especially if the woman earns on an equal basis with the man.

There is a contradiction in this scheme itself, because Married spouses are now equal, but how can there be a chief among equals? But, on the other hand, can different people be equal? Only identical people can be equal, but identical people do not exist, every person is an individual. Therefore, any two people are not equal to each other. And, we can assume that now the head of the family is not the head “by law.” Now the head of the family is a leader, this is a person whose influence and authority is voluntarily recognized by all family members.

According to sociologists' research, family leadership belongs to the one who performs administrative and regulatory functions. And, according to research by the same sociologists, in most families the function of planning the family budget is performed by a woman. She is also the organizer of family consumption. And the main front of the economy lies on it - cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning, sewing, etc. And, as a rule, in the matter of raising children in a family, the main teacher is the woman (although sociologists disagree here; according to some data, the man in the family is a little more involved with the children, according to others, the woman). And it turns out that the actual distribution of leadership in the family does not coincide with the generally accepted one. In fact, as it turns out, the woman becomes the head of the family in many respects.

GuruTest

This time we will try to shed light on the pros and cons of each “manager”, and also tell you which option will be the most positive for any family. Don't forget about one of the main mistakes that interfere with happiness in a relationship - the desire for competition. If you want to be happy, it is better to give the opportunity to lead someone who is more suitable for this role.

Pros and cons of male dominance

To understand which man is the head of the family, you need to know how he thinks. First, men are more likely to show leadership . This cannot be taken away; in family life it is easier for them, because this is the program that has been embedded in them since childhood. This fact tells you that in more than half of the cases, a woman is unlikely to be able to simply take the throne and avoid war.

When a man cannot be controlled, he often becomes a dictator. These are the boys who are raised with love and told that they are special, the best and should not settle for less.

Secondly, we must not forget about Mother Nature. Or more precisely, about the socialization of men, with which nature is often confused. She made men breadwinners. They were the ones who obtained food and fed women and children. They could afford and simply had to be excellent leaders . Today the situation has changed, because both people can earn money (get food). In this regard, the primitive rules no longer work.

But men have this primal responsibility for their children and their wife. They understand that you can’t just leave your wife and child - you need to feed them, even if there are some difficulties.

Unfortunately, there are also obvious disadvantages to male rule . For example, lack of sensitivity and empathy. More precisely, many representatives of the stronger sex may have them, but these qualities are often lacking. In the modern world, empathy is considered to be a feminine principle, and many men possess it in full, but hide it. Such people should not be considered not courageous enough, because there is no clear connection between the feminine principle and the ability to feel others.

Pros and cons of female leadership

Women have a better developed ability to sense other people's emotions. That is why a mother always knows when her child is having a hard time. Research shows that when the mother is the leader in the family or when children do not have a father, they grow up to be more diplomatic, flexible, empathetic, and less likely to exhibit selfish or destructive behavior.

Previously, the dominance of women was nonsense, but now ladies can increasingly become the main ones in relationships, especially in countries that are striving to achieve full equality: Iceland, the Netherlands, Sweden, Canada.

The problem with women is that when they become strong and courageous, as a family leader should be, they become callous. Men need a lady who is feminine, and not who takes his place completely and makes him unnecessary. So far, this conflict of interests has not been completely leveled out, and modern society is looking for ways to solve it.

What is the ideal option

Many will say that equality and complete harmony are necessary, but this option is not always achievable, although it has every right to life. A much more common model is when a man leads the family, and a woman gives him advice and guidance. You need to imagine that the man is the king, and the wife is an adviser whom the monarch trusts completely. It’s not without reason that they say that a man is the head, and a woman should be the neck, that is, control the direction of the family’s movement.

The most important thing is respect . Without respect, no family can live long. If a couple has this, then everything will be completely fine. Decisions must be made based on love, then they will not harm anyone.

A man needs to be able to make informed decisions, not be heartless and cold, be able to make concessions and not perceive his wife as an enemy. Psychologists advise the wife to skillfully take the reins of power into her own hands, because endless competition for family power will not solve anything. It’s easier to immediately find another man who will simply listen to the opinion of his beloved.

What is much more important is not who is in charge, but whether the relationship suits you or not . There are women who successfully adapt to the role of head of the family, while men do not mind remaining in secondary roles. If both people are for equality, then this will have a wonderful effect on the quality of life together. The main thing is that you like everything, because you simply cannot change a person.

If a representative of the fair sex wants to lead the family, but a man is against it, then this does not mean imminent failure. Psychologists suggest familiarizing yourself with tips on how to be in charge without your husband noticing. Just don’t use your dominance to manipulate and achieve your selfish goals, because a family is one team in which there should be no discord.

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February 22 00:55

Ideal woman

What should this ideal be? Let us turn again to the history of the human race. A woman is initially weaker, but it is precisely because of this, as well as her maternal instinct, that she perceives the world differently. It is the woman who gives birth to the child and she needs it to be born in a protected and warm place. Therefore, she focuses more on beauty, cleanliness and comfort.

She cannot compete with a man in solving problems by force, but she is more inclined to pay attention to details and is focused on the emotional component. This is her strong point. She can find an option that a man cannot see precisely due to his characteristics.

Thanks to more developed sensory perception, a woman feels and understands the issues facing the family more clearly and deeply. This is her greatest strength. In order to become ideal, a woman, like a man, just needs to accept her role.

Who's the boss?3

The head is a man. When a man is in charge in a relationship, or takes a leading role, this, I think, is correct. It is the man who must make decisions, no matter how difficult it may be, and bear responsibility for it. This man should be the main breadwinner in the family. Yes, a wife can work, but the main breadwinner must still be a man.

It happens that a woman reaches more serious heights in her career. And all the same, a real man will never sit on his beloved’s neck. To protect, to support, to be a “stone wall” for a woman, this is all a man’s purpose. That is why he is the head of the family. But it happens that this is not why a man becomes the head.

He becomes simply because he is stronger. Does not tolerate any objections. That is, why support and be protection and support? You can simply raise your voice, or even raise your fist - that’s all! The whole family is like silk! I never understood this and never will.

The head of the relationship is the woman. Something goes wrong and a woman takes on men’s responsibilities. However, this is not called a failure, because it was not in vain that many years ago our beauties fought for equality. And they even achieved it!

And now the unfortunate lady, after working at some construction site, rushes home, on the way she runs to pick up her child at kindergarten, then to the store, flies home, and begins to prepare dinner. At this time, the beloved has already returned from work, collapsed on the sofa and patiently waits for the missus to call him to the table.

My beloved, of course, will call you to the table, ask about work, and tell you what needs to be done tomorrow. It is she who decides how her family will live. She is the head of the relationship. And if your loved one dares to insert a word, you can shout at him. Because no worries! Well, such family relationships are not uncommon. Although they look quite ugly, no matter what you say.

Relationships where there is simply no head. This also happens. At first glance, such relationships strive for the mutual dominance of a man and a woman, but in fact, neither one nor the other tolerates any kind of superiority over themselves. Any decision not made by him is accepted with hostility, or complete indifference to each other’s actions. “I’ll go with the girls to a cafe and drink coffee?” “Why are you asking? I'm not holding you."

Or “Mash, I’m going fishing with the men.” What should I take with me?”, “Take what you need, why are you asking me?” These are couples who live together by pure chance. By the way, when they separate, they are not too worried about it. They never became family to each other, but why worry about strangers?

Relationships where both the man and the woman are the head. In such a couple, complete harmony reigns, they understand each other, trust each other and accept everything that their loved one offers them. Everything here is so correct that even the word “dominance” is not acceptable. Any decision of a man is made by his woman with the understanding “That’s exactly what should have been done.

You’re good for me,” but, again, a woman’s proposal is always welcome. Major decisions are made collectively, together. It is not dominated by a dictatorial husband or a hysterical wife, respect for each other always reigns here, and therefore joint dominance in the relationship. Do you think this is a utopia? Well, why... Sometimes such couples meet.

Everyone has their own role

How do the roles of husband and wife differ in marriage?
There are two points of view. According to the first, the husband has his own specific role, and the wife has hers, and in everything that the family lives. Supporters of the second believe that each spouse contributes according to his abilities. Suppose the wife earns more, which means she will be the breadwinner, and let the husband take care of the children if he is better at it. How to find harmony between these extremes? What is the truth? Today, role relationships between a man and a woman tend towards equality in a married couple. It’s rare that only one man works in a family, so to some extent the traditional model of relationships is changing, encouraging spouses to move from a rigid patriarchal structure to a new style of relationship - cooperation. However, there is a very fine line that should not be crossed, because differences between the sexes and their purposes still exist.

Despite the fact that men and women have equal rights before the law, these rights are implemented differently. It’s good when the husband realizes that he is the head of the family, he has an advantage in making decisions, and accordingly, the wife respects this power in him. He accepts her equality with him in discussing various issues, sees how much more subtly she feels people, knows how to be flexible, diplomatic, and caring. He respects her because she values ​​his dominance. Most likely, such a reasonable approach to building mature relationships will reveal many vital resources for the realization of both spouses both in relationships with each other and in work, even if they have many children, and there are examples of this.

The husband is the head of the family in everything. He is the chief manager of this “enterprise”. The entire life of the family should be in his field of vision: not only material wealth, but also children, communication, and the alternation of work and entertainment. And here it often happens that the woman is in charge in everything. At the same time, the husband believes that he has earned money - and that’s enough. Thank God if he still makes money...

Family and traditions

What is a family from the point of view of traditional perception? The man in her is, first of all, a provider and protector. A woman’s responsibility is to raise children, keep the house clean and comfortable, and prepare food. These are the stereotypes of thinking. It must be admitted that this system worked for a very long time and had certain foundations.

A man is naturally stronger physically, more resilient, and more focused on the outside world. The woman, for her part, being physically weaker, compensated for this with work that required more perseverance and attentiveness. In our time, we still observe this distribution by field of activity. Agree that women predominate among accountants or teachers. At a construction site, the presence of the weaker sex is rather an exception to the rule.

Research conducted in America in the 70s of the twentieth century showed that the desire to take on uncharacteristic roles only led to a deterioration in relationships. If a woman worked physically as a man, and a man, on the contrary, sought to take on traditionally female responsibilities around the house, then conflicts and quarrels became the norm.

Who will our man be?

Let's assume that the husband has realized his role as the breadwinner and head of the family. What is the role of the wife? She is responsible for the “weather in the house”, prepares the conditions for her husband to feel comfortable, so that the family is an outlet for him, a place where he can calmly gain strength in order to move on into the external, sometimes aggressive, environment . But very often our women do not see themselves in such a role or it is given to them with great difficulty.

At a group lesson on the topic “Strong man, weak woman,” someone suggested: “Let’s play out these roles! Who will our man be?” One man sat in the pose of Rodin’s “The Thinker” and was silent. The other perched to the side, as if out of frame, so that he could not be seen. And the women are discussing who will play the man. Several participants eagerly suggest: “Let’s take this one? Or maybe you? Or maybe me? What is a strong man? The men sit and are silent. And suddenly the women remember that the psychologist is also present at the lesson, and rush for help: “Well, who, who will be a man, how will we continue?” We have to answer that it would be good to stop now and think about what is happening. After all, the process is already underway. They realize: “Oh, come on... We understand everything.” I ask: “What did you understand?” They answer: “Well, the men are sitting and silent! And we, as always, take everything upon ourselves and didn’t even think to ask them. We have already decided everything, decided everything.” When the group members summed up the results of this lesson, one girl said: “I realized: in relationships with men, I am always the leader. Without waiting for what he would say, how he would behave, I had already asked the question and answered it, I had already decided everything. And he remains in the shadows.”

It is clear that this girl is in a hurry and takes everything into her own hands. But why? Because she sees that her partner is uninitiative and passive. There is a problem of two here. A woman should wait, step into the shadows, as it were, and give the man the opportunity to express himself.

When I tell women about this, they usually answer: “What are you talking about! I give him a day, two, three, and wait for a decision from him. And he…” Men, in turn, conclude: yes, women don’t let them decide anything! Therefore, the first recipe for a man is to take the initiative in family relationships. The second recipe, which follows on from the first, is to take responsibility for the consequences of your decisions. No matter what they are - good or bad. And one more thing: you don’t need to be afraid of mistakes.