If a man says he doesn't love him, is that true? Psychology of relationships, expert advice

If in a relationship a man and a woman do not hear each other, it’s a disaster. The question is how did you even get together if you speak different languages?

But there is always a chance to reach an agreement. You just need to find the point of no return, from which you stopped understanding each other.

And don’t forget: if the public doesn’t hear the speaker, that’s the speaker’s problem in the first place. I have selected 5 main reasons why understanding has left your relationship.

Take notes and work on your mistakes!

Well, he doesn't love me!

“….Well, he doesn’t love you! – with these words, his new girlfriend slammed the door in my face. He would never say that himself. For several months this girl was listed as just a “friend with whom you can talk, discuss hockey, she was also into hockey.” And then one day I came to his house. She came without warning, because something was really aching in her heart. She called and rang the doorbell. The light is on, the car is parked near the entrance. So, home. Oh, the door doesn't open. And only after I text-bombed him, he replied that he was not alone. And, she opened. To say that he doesn’t love me..."

Realizing and believing that you are not loved and you are not needed is very difficult, sometimes impossible.

Your own psychic PROJECTION is triggered. Projection is a phenomenon in psychology when you assign to another person what you feel for him. If you love, then it seems to you that you should be loved in return.

And then all that remains is to face the facts. Because facts are an inexorable thing. We can fantasize about anything. But the facts will tell the whole truth.

He won't think so

I am often asked how to communicate with a man while already in a relationship. "How to say? How to find an approach? Women are different - the problems are the same.

Many women tend to live by guesswork and invent things that really don’t exist. To think that a man will judge you for your request, refuse help, humiliate you for your refusal, and shame you for your own opinion.

And much of this is spinning in a woman’s head even before it is voiced to a man. These are all echoes of mistakes in upbringing and negative experiences of past relationships.

I met a beggar - he sat on my neck, forced me to work, or reacted aggressively to requests. After this, not only will she be afraid to ask, but she will be afraid to talk. Another point is shame for your feelings. For example, you feel that you are jealous of a man, but you are embarrassed to tell him about it. Although it is simply necessary for a woman to talk about her feelings, otherwise misunderstandings will arise in the relationship.

When you talk to a man exclusively in your head, he doesn’t hear you. You answer your questions for him. And you tie his decisions to your opinions and impressions.

Conduct an experiment: take a piece of paper, a pen, and before turning to a man, write down what reaction you expect from him.

Then voice a thought, a question, a request (only softly and in a feminine way, without hysterics or complaints in your voice), and then note how much it coincides with your expectations.

It SEEMS to me that he doesn’t love me - fact No. 1

If a girl says that “I’m not sure he loves me,” then most likely she does.

Why did I classify this as facts? Because we are creatures who read information not only in words.

According to psychological research, only 7% of information is transmitted in words. We receive the remaining 93% through non-verbal communication. These are facial expressions, gestures, various signs from a person, postures, energy.

Therefore, no matter what a man tells you, you perfectly read his real attitude towards you. Especially considering that many girls have an increased level of mental sensitivity and empathy (the ability to feel another).

In addition to the fact that we read a person’s feelings through non-verbal communication, there are also obvious signs by which you can definitely understand that a man does not love you. His behavior, his actions are also facts that, despite your desire for him to love you, speak for themselves.

And looking at these facts, one day you say, “I don’t believe he loves me.” What are these signs? —

A man doesn’t understand a woman, what to do about it?

A man and a woman met, liked each other, started dating and even lived together. And they live for several years and everything seems to be fine with them. And the man seems to like the woman, but the man doesn’t understand the woman and for some reason constantly does something to spite her all the time or doesn’t do what she asks. Or constantly, on purpose (so she thinks) hurts her mentally.

A woman hints to a man that she wants a date, that it’s time to ask him to marry him, that they don’t give carnations to a girl on a date, that she doesn’t like the way he behaves in front of his mother, that...

After all, the girl has already “asked” the man 100 times to do what she needs or not to do what hurts her, but he ignores everything.

For example she:

has been silent for a long time, much longer than usual. And any person has long understood that she is extremely dissatisfied.
she pouted her lips and this behavior indicates that she was offended.
she talked about how her friend's husband (boyfriend) did something that his girlfriend was crazy about. (For example, he gave some kind of gift and she would like the same thing)
she even spoke directly about what she needed (to get married, for example), but the man ignored her words.
Every day she demonstratively washes the dishes and the floor and tiredly sits next to him, complaining to him about how hard it is for her. And he just nods in response and continues to gobble up the cutlets.

What to do? After all, one of the most frequent questions I have in consultations sounds something like this: “I’ve already hinted to him hundreds of times, but the man doesn’t understand me. What should I do? Why doesn’t a man understand my hints?”

The most common mistake is that a woman unconsciously thinks that a man perceives and understands her in approximately the same way as she herself understands other people or as other women understand her. But in fact, nothing could be further from the truth.

In the overwhelming majority of cases, men do not even notice that the girl is offended, and even if they notice, they sincerely do not understand what she was offended by. Or even in those rare cases when they understand, they do not understand that she is really in pain or that something is important . And, of course, they don’t understand what exactly the girl needs from him.

Well, the girl stopped talking. So he and his friends periodically stop talking just like that, for no reason, for 5-10 minutes. At the same time, no one is offended, but this is just a pause.

Well, the girl pouted (if the man noticed it at all, and only 20-30 percent do), so maybe you need to make her laugh with another stupid joke (which she was offended by, perhaps) or maybe she’s having difficult days.

And she even said that she needed something (for example, marriage), so she says every day a couple of hundred of her requests. Well, this one was passed by and left, because she made the same 150 previous requests. So what's the problem?

So, why a man doesn’t understand you can be divided into several layers:

- He didn’t really hear you . This doesn't happen very often. He is somewhere in his thoughts, watching TV (computer, phone), etc. and answers automatically, without even really hearing what you say.

Easiest solution. Tear him away from the TV (thoughts) so that he turns to face you and begins to meaningfully respond to your first words.

— The man really doesn't understand you.

Here is the main problem and difference in the psychology of men and women. A man rarely understands women’s hints in the form of silence, resentment, stories about acquaintances where a man demonstrates correct behavior or complaints that you are tired (but at the same time you continue to do something vigorously in the hope that he will understand, stand up and help ).

I am not against indirect persuasion (through insults, stories) if a man understands you. But if it doesn’t work, then you most likely need to be more direct about what you need.

If a man does not understand you and does not respond to your hints, then it makes sense to learn to speak directly about what you need.

So tell your man that “I want you...

gave me flowers more often,
made me an offer
started helping me around the house more (specifically, of course, you need to tell me what to do, how often, etc.. Even better - write a list)
stopped making jokes that offend me (give examples).

It is clear that there may be dozens of requests.

I’m not saying that after you directly tell a man what you need, he will immediately do everything as it should. After all, any person needs time to change. You yourself are also unlikely to immediately change in response to your man’s request. You ignore some of his requests, do something, but not even after the second reminder.

But direct requests for men are often 100 times more effective than insults, hints, silence and insults.

- A man understands you, but still doesn’t do what’s needed.

And so you directly told the man what you need. He understood everything, paraphrased it in his own words, etc. And still he doesn’t. Perhaps he just doesn't respect you. Read about how disrespect is manifested in the article “Disrespect for a woman, how it manifests itself .

What should you do?

Below is a little about the generally general principles of influence, taking into account, of course, the specifics of men. Better yet, read my book “19 Mistakes with Men. How to make him respect and love you .

— A drop wears away a stone.

The usual repetition of a request after some time can increase the likelihood of its fulfillment by 2-3 times. Therefore, the advice is obvious. Just repeat your request or demand several times.

— Requests must be feasible for a man at this stage of the relationship and for a particular man in general.

This is a very difficult and delicate moment for women, as far as I can judge from consultations.

Obviously, you need to ask a man for what he is capable of doing. But determining what a man can already do and what he cannot (and, accordingly, asking is useless) is an entire art.

It is clear, for example, that a man is capable of asking a woman to marry him. But can he do this the next day after meeting? It is unlikely and, accordingly, asking for this will only ruin the relationship. Maybe in a month? Early. And when then? In a year? Or maybe it still makes sense to wait until he offers?

And this is just one example. In fact, there are hundreds of examples when a woman, in fact, asks for something that a particular man is completely unable to fulfill in a year of marriage.

Why can't it do it? There may be a relationship stage, there may be a man’s parental programs, there may be a man’s lack of confidence, there may be a lack of skills, there may be bad habits, etc.

But most often, women still make mistakes in the stages of relationships.

Can you ask a man about his friends and relatives? (Today not yet, tomorrow he will want to tell you, and the day after tomorrow he will be offended that you are not interested).
When should you start living together and how often should you meet?
Can I bring my things to his house or not?
Should I ask him about his wedding plans or is it too early?

In general, each stage of a relationship has its own opportunities. Try to learn to feel and understand them, taking into account the Psychology of men, which differs significantly from women’s in this matter. If you don’t understand, contact me for advice, we’ll figure it out together https://www.sun-hands.ru/shop/consultation/konsultatsiya-r-kirranova-po-skayp/

One piece of advice can still be given here. Demand good treatment, gratitude for what you do, etc. You can always do it at any stage of the relationship . We prepared something for our loved one, gave him a gift (no matter how small), discussed his affairs at work, although we were busy. He didn’t say anything like “thank you” or was even dissatisfied. Don't be offended in silence. Say directly that: “If you are unhappy that I spent my time discussing your plans (cooking your favorite meal, etc.), despite the fact that I am busy myself, then I will do it more I won't.

The request of an insecure woman is not accepted and not fulfilled. A confident woman's request is fulfilled by a man . Read about the signs of disrespect in the article “A man does not respect a woman. Signs of disrespect. "

It is clear that this is not a 100% rule, but it is a very working one. What words you say and when you say them is important. But it is very important who pronounces them. If they are uttered by an insecure woman, then the likelihood that they will be listened to is low. If they are spoken by a confident woman, then such words are listened to much more often.

If yesterday you remained silent because a man made an evil joke on you, the day before yesterday you remained silent (or were silently offended) because a man did not thank you for something on which you spent a couple of hours of your time for him, a week ago you remained silent the fact that he forgot to meet you (and they didn’t just say, but created a mini-scandal), if a month ago you “gave up” on the first date, etc., then it’s stupid to expect that a man will suddenly listen to you today. For what? And so it will do.

Therefore, it is imperative to develop self-confidence to at least an average level. (a C grade) Without this, expecting that men or even women will understand you is useless.

If you ask for too much, you will be perceived as too dependent..

And there is some kind of line here that is difficult to convey in words. If you are completely independent from a man, then this is bad for the relationship. But if a woman is unable to do anything without a man, then that’s also bad. She begins to be perceived as too weak.

Therefore, try to structure your life so as not to become too dependent. Tomorrow the man will leave. Can you live without it? Even if it’s worse than with him, it’s normal, and it’s not like all your friends and relatives will urgently need to save you.

Do you have any in-demand specialty?

Do you know how to maintain relationships with friends and are not obsessed with your man?

Do you maintain your appearance and ability to understand the psychology of men so that you can quickly find another man if this one suddenly leaves?

I, God forbid, am not suggesting that you look for another man or even consider such options. But not being completely dependent on a man makes your words more understandable to him.

This is probably all, otherwise the article has already grown so much. Apply these tips in life and men will definitely understand and listen to you many times more often.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov

SIGNS that a man doesn’t love – Fact No. 2

1.He said he doesn't love me

A man might say this for two reasons.

First , he told the truth so that you would leave him behind and understand everything.

The second is that he manipulates you in this way, trying to break your will, bend you, subjugate you psychologically. That is, in the second case, in such a cruel way he tricks you into the behavior he needs.

Now, be careful. A loving man will never do either the first or the second. After all, “horseradish is not sweeter than radishes.” It makes no difference whether he told you that he doesn’t love you or whether he is harshly manipulating you. Because he doesn’t love – in both cases!

If a man just “doesn’t say he loves me”

That's a different case. Here it is more important to focus on his actions that speak of his love for you - help, care, attention, gifts, desire to be with you.

You know, among men there are a lot of men who were simply not taught in their family to say “I love you.” Well, they can’t! At the same time, this does not always mean that he definitely does not love. In addition to his actions, it is important to focus on nonverbal signs of sincere interest in you, such as:

Sight

By the look, especially by the dilated pupils, you can see that the man is very much not indifferent to you. A little training - and you will begin to notice these same dilated pupils and sparkle in the eyes when they look at you.

But, be careful not to confuse them with the situation when the lighting is simply dark or he drank some psychoactive substances. Because they also make the pupils shine and dilate.

Besides the look, the desire to touch you

He will hold your hand, breathe your hair, stroke your head. The desire to touch in this case has a pronounced character of tenderness.

He will make you laugh with all his might and be happy if he succeeded. Men really like it when the woman they love laughs at all his jokes.

With these nonverbal signs, a man tells you that he loves you, even if he doesn’t say out loud that he loves you.

He is irritated, and everything about you is “not right, he doesn’t like everything”

And then you become very thoughtful: “I don’t understand, does he love me?”

No matter what you do, you cannot please him. At the same time, a girl can be very attractive, well-groomed, smart, and so on. No I do not like. But what is love as a concept? This is when we REALLY LIKE something or someone - this is love. It's simple.

He doesn't love me, but he's dating me

There is an expression: “A person is always with you for one of two reasons: either he loves you, or he uses you.” It's harsh, but it's true. If a man is dating a girl, but she is “not sure that he loves me.” That means he feels that he is being used.

This actually happens quite often. And this situation remains in your life exactly until YOU YOURSELF want to stop it and change everything.

What can a guy use?

In addition to physical intimacy, a guy (man) can use a girl as a mental object, especially if you are inclined to be helpful by nature. Then you are a psychological donor. These are people who are sensitive, empathic, ready to sympathize and help.

In this case, every time after communicating with him the woman feels empty. She has the feeling that she was thoroughly fucked, but she was not symmetrically rewarded for it. And, I repeat: you will have such a situation exactly until YOU ARE TIRED OF IT. And, you stop it.

“He doesn’t love me as a woman”, “He doesn’t want me”

Or, “a man doesn’t see me as beautiful, doesn’t say that I’m beautiful.” Doesn't admire. Doesn’t post photos of us together on social networks (why?). And, as a result of all this ugliness, you understand “he doesn’t love me as a woman.”

Although, at the same time, he may well spend the night with you, eat your pies and soups. And, talk in your company about politics and life. Even if he tells you that you are dear to him, it may be true. But, you are a woman. You want to be loved, desired. And not a friend in a skirt.

How to get along with a vulnerable partner

A vulnerable man is a difficult person. Not every person can get along with him. But if love for a guy is stronger than difficulties, then the following proven tips will help you create a strong and happy union on the same territory:

Vulnerable guys love to be pitied. A girl needs to become a “vest” for her husband, into which he can always cry.
To get along with a touchy person, you need to forget about physical strength. No rolling pin, even as a joke, otherwise the vulnerable partner may harbor a grudge forever.
A calm disposition and a balanced voice should become a woman’s best friends. Yelling will not help create a strong relationship; it will simply destroy all previous efforts.
In conflict situations, a lady should be non-judgmental. Getting personal will aggravate the husband's resentment.
If a man jokes, a woman needs to listen carefully and laugh loudly, no matter how “flat” humor appears in the conversation. The guy is trying to be cheerful, so there is no need to deprive him of his hope for sparkling humor.
Respect is the key to a long and happy marriage. It is necessary to encourage the qualities in the spouse because of which his marriage proposal was accepted.
You should not harshly criticize a man. Requests should begin not with words like “You hung the shelf crookedly,” but with “You installed the shelf well, but I would like it to stand a little differently. Will you redo it?

READ

How to understand that a guy has fallen out of love and the relationship is doomed

In a relationship with a vulnerable guy, a woman needs to act not only as a wife, but also as a mother, and be ready to forgive any action of her adult child and wish-granting goldfish.

It is impossible to change such a person. If a girl is not ready to be a real locomotive in the family all her life, it is better to choose another man for a relationship.

He LOVED HIS EX-EX and not me – Fact No. 3

While communicating with girls who met on a dating site and quickly entered into a relationship with an unfamiliar man, I noticed a recurring nuance.

After some time, it often turns out that the guy’s relationship just recently ended. And he still has feelings for his previous girlfriend. And I came to the site precisely in order to “heal the wound from parting.” At the same time, the new woman can be sure that the man is with her with all his heart.

But, no, he’s just licking his wounds, distracted, so to speak.

The situation is extremely unpleasant and is fraught with the possibility that if the ex suddenly decides to rehabilitate the relationship. Then he, without hesitation, leaves the new girl for the old one.

Ah, you have already fallen in love. We have already set up plans. And, in their thoughts, they created a family and had children with this man.

He returns to his ex, and you are left with a broken heart and bitter thoughts: “He never loved me. He loved his ex, not me." It’s true, he never loved you.

That is why I always urge women and girls - look at him for at least six months! Take your time to make plans and dream about your wedding! It is likely that the man’s head and heart are still with his ex. Therefore, you can meet, communicate, and slowly find out from him what’s on his mind.

Take your time with plans and conclusions

Our wonderful psychologist M. Litvak has the concept of “production stage of relationships.” According to this concept, the strongest relationships are possible when you have gone through the production stage together.

In other words, we worked together and studied together. It is in this case that you observe a person for a long time, what kind of character he has. Was he in a relationship? And, if so, what happened to his relationship with his ex?

In modern conditions, when the vast majority of people meet not necessarily through the production stage, but through dating sites, it is very important NOT TO HURRY TO CONCLUSIONS! So that there would be no bitter disappointments later “He just didn’t love me. He loves someone else, not me.”

If he never loved you and still loves someone else, and not you, we can only accept this reality and experience it as a loss.

Yes, it's a loss. This is the destruction of illusion, and it hurts. But the faster you realize the truth for yourself - that he loves his ex, and not you, the faster your healing will occur.

Why? Because while we are in illusion and hope, we remain the head in these relationships. Even if you physically left them.

But, as soon as we have accepted the bitter, painful truth for ourselves, from that moment we are able to psychologically get out of these relationships that we don’t need. And we can let the person go. We can forget this man forever.

What should I do to make him stop being offended?

When a beloved man is offended, girls shrug their shoulders because they don’t know how to improve the situation. To return mutual understanding, harmony and peace to relationships, you need to correct the situation. Psychologists advise starting from the guy’s reaction to the insult.

In case of complete ignorance

Each person reacts to stress differently. Some people prefer to resolve the conflict immediately, while others close themselves off.

If a man is offended and ignores the woman he loves, then you should not rush to apologize to him. The guy needs to calm down and comprehend the event that happened. For the anger to subside, you do not need to bother the young man for 2-3 days. After this, you should talk frankly with the man. In order for the conversation to be calm and fruitful, you need to consider the following tips:

You shouldn't text or call your boyfriend at work.
During a conversation, you need to speak calmly and choose your words.
Think not only about your own experiences, but also about the emotional state of your loved one. Do not be offended by the guy in response and do not express complaints.
You don't have to allow yourself to be ignored. It is worth telling the guy that his silence is unpleasant and painful, this is not the way to treat dear people.

If a young man still doesn’t talk after trying to get closer, then you need to think about whether it’s worth continuing such a relationship.

If he doesn't respond to messages

Girls quickly get used to pleasant messages from a young man. But during times of resentment, the flow of regular good morning wishes may stop.

If a guy is offended and does not write SMS or messages on social networks, you need to establish contact according to the following scheme:

Do not panic. The man might not have seen the message or he might not have enough money on his phone balance to respond.
If the delivery report confirms that the email has been read, you must wait patiently for a response. You should not write even more SMS over trifles. A girl's obsessive behavior will have the opposite effect. The man will lose the desire to answer.
You don't need to call the guy to express everything over the phone. Young people do not like to sort things out in this format. A woman’s hysteria will worsen the situation - the guy can block the lady’s contacts. It is better to choose a time and discuss everything frankly at the meeting. You need to go to the guy in a calm mood.

You should analyze your own behavior recently. This will make it possible to find out the cause of the offense, and will also be an excellent reason to think about the future correction of the situation that caused two loving hearts to quarrel.

When there are no obvious reasons

If a girl does not understand what a man could be offended by, then it is not recommended to engage in soul-searching, trying to analyze small actions. You need to start looking not for the reasons for your loved one’s gloomy mood, but for the goals that he pursues.

READ

Reasons why a guy pays too little attention to his girlfriend

A guy may act offended, ignore his partner, or treat her with disdain in order to break off the relationship. Cowardly men are not ready to take responsibility and initiate a breakup. It is more convenient for them to position themselves as a victim and wait for the opportunity to blame the woman. The girl’s task is to decide whether to try to establish communication.

If it's a matter of temperament

There is a stereotype in society that it is mainly women who suffer from touchiness. But psychologists say that men are no less offended than women. The melancholic temperament with which a young man is born is to blame. Such a man is characterized by the following features:

impressionability;
vulnerability;
shyness;
touchiness;
low self-esteem;
excessive self-criticism;
isolation.

If a girl does not find a way to resist the guy’s endless insults, she will turn into a puppet with a constant feeling of guilt, who indulges all the weaknesses of her beloved.

If a guy is offended by you, then you need to listen to the following recommendations from psychologists:

When another offense occurs, bring the young man to a frank conversation. It is important not to allow a man to express dissatisfaction. You should work together to analyze your lover’s touchiness. You can start the conversation with the words: “It hurts me because you are offended by me almost every day. Let's talk about it".
When talking, be sure to set boundaries. The girl needs to let the guy know that she is ready to apologize for what she is guilty of. But you cannot constantly ask for forgiveness for fictitious offenses. During the conversation, it is imperative to tell the man about your tender feelings for him. This way he can understand that this conversation was started with the goal of improving relations, and not imposing new rules.
When a man makes contact, you should have a calm conversation. In the future, the guy will not be afraid of confidential conversations, and the established trust will begin to extinguish his touchiness.

To prevent grievances from recurring in the future, you can ask your partner not to withdraw into himself, but to immediately express dissatisfaction.

If a man is of Caucasian nationality, for example, Georgian, he may be offended because of his own pride. In this case, you cannot belittle your partner, and when asking for forgiveness, you must become a meek and affectionate woman.

When a girl is very guilty

If a girl has seriously offended a guy, the first thing to do is give him time to calm down. During this period, it is better not to bother the man with calls and messages. Pressure from the lady will only make the situation worse.

When a young man begins to make contact, the woman’s task is to surround him with love, care and tenderness. You definitely need to apologize for your behavior or offensive words. If the guy is at a distance, he needs to call and say “Sorry” out loud, and not in correspondence.

A man may not forgive the first time. No need to give up. This means he needs more time to put his thoughts in order. But if the second time the girl faces refusal, she will have to come to terms with the situation. Apparently, the resentment was so strong that after it there is no desire to continue the relationship.

If there is obvious manipulation

Resentment is an excellent weapon in the arsenal of a manipulator. If a guy is looking for any reason to accuse a girl of insults or humiliation, it means she is in a relationship with an abuser.

You should not indulge the desires of a psychological rapist, otherwise there is a high risk of developing a guilt complex and self-doubt. To resist a manipulator, you need to be critical of his grievances. You should always ask yourself the question: “Am I really to blame or does the chosen one have no reason to be offended?”

You should not try to correct an abuser - it will not work. The manipulator takes pleasure in the woman's suffering. The sooner she breaks up with such a person, the better.

WHY doesn't he love me?

“Oh, the cry of women of all times: My dear, what have I done to you?” M. Tsvetaeva

Now there will be no test or fortune telling, but a professional psychological answer. Which is dictated by life and my consulting experience.

Nothing, girls. You didn't do anything to him . They don’t like you at all because you:

Not thin enough/not fat enough
Not pretty/too pretty
Too emotional/too unemotional
Very fast/slow
Too stupid/smart (scientist)
Extremely cheerful, energetic/easygoing homebody
Too sociable/not sociable enough
And so on, the list goes on.
But the main idea, I think, is clear.

“I feel bad, he doesn’t love me, there’s something wrong with me...” I remember there was a program on TV a long time ago. It was called Love at first sight. Three guys and three girls, who had not known each other before, each spoke about themselves in turn. Then they retired to a room and there they “voted” for the one they liked. Then, the results were announced.

And, if a guy and a girl mutually chose each other, everyone was happy, since they got a couple. But sometimes a pair was not formed. Because the one who liked one chose the other. And so, everyone chose at random, and there was no match. This is about the fact that “We choose, we are chosen, how often this does not coincide.”

Thus, the answer “why they don’t like us” lies NOT WITH US. And, it is not in your competence. Just as we cannot force someone to love us.

Why? Because a person’s choice is influenced by thousands of factors. All these factors are the result of his many years of life experience and the totality of his unconscious beliefs.

The characteristics of upbringing and personal preferences in appearance also influence.

Moreover, he doesn’t necessarily like beauties, no. He will like something familiar, familiar from childhood, most often similar to his mother or actresses (singers) whom he saw on TV as a child and sank into his soul. Or the first girl from kindergarten who gave her a childish kiss.

And then the question is not “Why doesn’t he love me?”

Recommendations

First of all, listen to your feelings, have you started to doubt because you initially don’t trust men, having had negative experiences in the past, or are you confused by your behavior? Answer yourself honestly to the question, what prompted you to look for this article, in case you didn’t stumble upon it by accident? If situations flash through your head that cause suspicion, write them down, at least in order to clarify them for yourself, sort them into shelves, so to speak. Large balls need to be unwound, then it may turn out that there is no problem.
Now think about what kind of benefit he can get from you? What can you give him that makes him stay with you? After all, if suspicions arise, it is necessary to understand what is the reason. Maybe he’s just comfortable being around because you’re organizing the whole everyday life that he doesn’t want to be involved in at all? Or don’t you have to go out of your way to maintain the relationship and give you gifts? Maybe you are helping him financially while, so to speak, he is having unexpectedly difficult times?
Before deciding what to do, you should honestly admit to yourself whether this state of affairs satisfies you or not. Sometimes it happens that it’s enough for a woman to get attention and sex without going too deep, but for some reason she demands more, if only because all her friends are married, and she’s the only one who isn’t.
If you are not satisfied, first try to have an honest conversation with your chosen one about what confuses you. Maybe you were a little mistaken in your conclusions, and he will be able to answer your questions. In extreme cases, he will be aware that something does not suit you, and you want to slightly change the existing foundation.

“WHAT TO DO if he doesn’t love me” is a more important question

“No need, I love him.” What to do?

The most correct thing to do is to quit - knocking on a door that is closed to you.

For what? Waste your time, strength, youth and energy on someone who doesn’t need you. Go where you are loved. There are always people who like us and who are happy to communicate with us. They love us.

Women often tell me, “Yes, there is a fan. But, ugh, I don’t like him.” But this scoundrel who doesn’t need it - I love him.

This is the situation we always observe in the case of a destructive attachment scenario.

This attachment scenario is formed in childhood with close people - mom, dad, siblings (siblings are siblings).

For a variety of reasons, it is written in your (unconscious!) script: you need to love someone who doesn’t love you (or loves you poorly). That is, in childhood, for you, love was glued to suffering.

It could be anything: traumatic situations of rejection, abandonment, rejection, trauma of invisibility, toxicity in family relationships, mental (or physical) abuse, and so on.

But, whatever it is, the result is this: A loved one is the one who hurts me.

If this program is written in your unconscious, then it is in this case that those who love - “ugh”. Oh, give me this “I feel bad, he doesn’t love me - I’ll take it.” Exactly what is needed".

How to understand that your husband doesn't love you anymore?

As a rule, bored women are tormented by the question “How to understand that your husband does not love you?”
If this question arose in principle, then, most likely, somewhere inside the woman perfectly understood that her partner had cooled off. Now she is looking for more reliable signs in order to present this whole matter to her husband in the form of a complaint. The signs that your husband doesn’t love you are no different from the general ones mentioned above.

How do you understand that a man is using you and not loving you? The question is complicated if you still prefer to look at it through rose-colored glasses and not see the obvious. Many women stubbornly refuse to see a flaw in their partner, so as not to end up lonely. So it seems that it is difficult for a woman to determine that life situation if a man does not love, but takes advantage of her.

The signs of a selfish attitude are quite clear:

he turns to you only when he needs something from you;
he avoids the promises you demand from him;
he is in no hurry to help you, even if you need it and it is important;
he gives you gifts, expecting something in return;
he manipulates your feelings to get his way.

The most convenient feelings and character traits for manipulation include:

compassion;
a pity;
shame;
lack of self-confidence and complexes;
fear (loneliness, poverty, etc.).

If you notice that your partner is appealing to your deepest complexes, it is best to send him to hell! It is very dangerous to deal with such people.

Let's return to the question itself. If you are bored and wondering how to understand that your husband doesn’t love you anymore, then your finest hour has come. Do something! First of all, by yourself and for yourself. If you actively develop, then you will not have time and reason for this kind of thinking.

Signs of a happy relationship

Often, being inside a negative situation, it can be difficult to correctly assess a partner’s behavior and the relationship as a whole. To do this, you can seek the help of a psychologist. You can also focus on signs of harmonious relationships. Here is a small list that you can use to check how happy your relationship is at the moment. This is not an exhaustive list, but nevertheless, it will help identify some problems.

A happy family is characterized by the following characteristics:

partners are equally involved in family life - you no longer have a question about who will wash the dishes or clean the apartment if he came home late from work or returned from a business trip;
mutual respect. Even during a small quarrel, reproaches and insults should not be heard. Over time, you will forget about this quarrel, which started it. But it will be difficult to forget the reproaches spoken;
There is no mockery or jokes in your relationship. You approach different situations with humor, but at the same time do not infringe on your partner’s feelings;
you consult with your partner. This is not about asking for advice on trifles - what bread to buy for dinner today or how to water the flowers correctly;
you know how to sympathize with each other, empathize with the problems that your partner has;
lack of jealousy. No, of course, slight jealousy is not prohibited, but this does not mean that you should completely control your partner - where he is, what he is doing, and what is the name of the girl or man who smiled at you?
you easily find a common language with your partner’s relatives. If suddenly you are unable to do this, you find an opportunity to communicate in such a way as not to hurt each other’s feelings;
absence of common cliches - “a woman’s place is in the kitchen”, “a man is obliged to support his family” and others. It’s good, of course, when a man is the main breadwinner in the family, but if it so happens that he is a wonderful dad, and mom is a born business leader, it won’t be a big deal if dad is on maternity leave with the child and mom goes to work;
You always return home with a feeling of security and confidence.

Of course, there are situations when a man is very busy at work, and there may be some internal worries due to situations in the family. It's not scary if such a period does not last long. It is worth considering if the cold attitude and moral bullying last more than several months. And of course, you shouldn’t turn a blind eye to betrayal. Remember that cheating is a betrayal of you!

See also: Cheating - what it is and how to deal with it