"White Crow" joins the flock
The Tower
17.03.2017 21:30
At all times, society has imposed its own standards on people, which the majority considers the only true ones. However, there are often those who swim against the tide and act in non-trivial ways. Such people are called “white crows”. They often remain isolated and do not strive to establish close contacts with society. But what should a “black sheep” who wants to become “one of their own” do?
New life of a white crow
"White crows" often live outside of society. As a rule, such people manifest themselves in childhood. It is difficult for a child who is different from the rest to be part of a team, to study in a class with ordinary people. Difficulties in communication and mutual misunderstanding arise. A similar situation is familiar to first-year student Alexandra:
“When I was at school, I felt uncomfortable among my classmates. No, I was not bullied or ridiculed in any way, I was an ordinary child. It’s just that the topics of conversation of my peers and their hobbies seemed uninteresting and banal to me. Sometimes I even told myself that I should communicate with my class, forced myself to at least pretend that we really had some common ground.”
Another first-year student, Daria, had a similar problem while studying at school:
“It was very difficult for me to find a common language with my classmates. We were too different. I literally wanted to fall into the ground from one of their contemptuous glances in my direction. The call from the last lesson was like a stone from my soul.”
Fortunately for our heroines, you can't study at school forever. The girls passed all the tests of the Unified State Exam and the hardships of admission and became students of the Higher School of Economics. Entering university always means a new stage in life. You meet people with similar interests and goals in life to yours (it’s not for nothing that you entered the same specialty). Often yesterday’s “white crows” begin to pay attention to the new environment and even try to show interest in it. However, overcoming prejudices built over the years is sometimes very difficult.
“At first I couldn’t get rid of my mistrust of my new classmates,” says Dasha, “I could exchange a few words with two or three girls, and then go home, ignoring the group’s joint leisure time.”
“White Crows” are not interested in noisy companies. As a rule, such people are melancholic introverts. However, classification by psychotypes sometimes does not withstand the philistine approach to the issue: sometimes everything depends on the environment around a person. How can a “black sheep” find a common language with others? The girls who dealt with a similar situation gave some advice.
All over again
The two heroines' stories are united by one important detail. Both girls found themselves in a new environment, where they built a social circle from scratch . If someone doesn't appreciate your individuality, or you don't feel like getting closer to others, why not try your luck with other people? Nowadays, there are many interest clubs where you can easily find like-minded people. Each person is able to find an environment for himself where he will feel “at ease”. In your new social circle, you will be able to start everything “from scratch” and take the role in the team that you choose.
The main thing is don’t be afraid to change your environment and don’t be shy to communicate more with new people. After all, the new team has not yet formed a clear opinion about you, which means when, if not now, can you create an idea of yourself?
Step forward
White crows have a non-trivial mind, which also often coexists with egocentrism. Or such people themselves get used to their status from childhood and lose the ability to overcome their complexes and prejudices. Getting out of the comfort zone becomes a really important stage of socialization for “white crows”.
“To be honest, when I went to the first introductory training for freshmen, I sincerely thought that I would behave the way I once did at school,” says Sasha, “but I was so delighted with my group! I immediately wanted to make friends with them. And soon I caught myself thinking that the wall with which I had been enclosing myself for many years was collapsing. I began not to miss a single event with the group, spending as much time as possible with new friends. Gradually, without even noticing, I became acquainted and became close with guys from other faculties. Now I’m trying to do the math and realize that my social circle has approximately tripled.”
Accepting society as it is
Often the “white crows” themselves refuse to accept “others”. It is difficult for them to accept as the norm that each of us has our own values and interests. For “white crows,” their own categorical attitude becomes a serious obstacle to establishing contact with society.
“It seemed almost barbaric to me that most of my classmates, for example, had not read a single work by Bulgakov,” says Dasha. “It is still a mystery to me what you can talk about with such people.” By the way, psychologists confirm: “white crows” are often book lovers and literally read avidly.
You should not reject people's opinions if they do not coincide with yours. If you really want to find a common language with others, learn to listen and take their words into account. Kindness and openness will in no way detract from your uniqueness, but will make you a pleasant person in the eyes of society.
Your environment is your teachers
Each of us is surrounded by people who are able to support discussion and have diverse hobbies. Take a closer look - probably your friends can tell you something new, for example, share their impressions of a book you haven’t read yet, or recommend an educational documentary. Know how to listen and hear - this is always highly valued by your interlocutor.
Everyone likes to feel interested in another person, and if you try to learn more about the hobbies and preferences of others, this will definitely endear you to society.
In addition, you yourself will learn a lot of new things about what was not previously in your area of interest, and maybe you will even find a new hobby.
Your individuality is your advantage
This banal advice is perfect for such situations. A person is valued primarily for his uniqueness, and in no case should one adapt to those around him.
“Of course, while studying you cannot completely isolate yourself from society,” Dasha concludes her story, “and with my classmates, despite the initial mistrust, I tried to be friendly and nice. I love to cook, and it has become a real pleasure for me to treat those who are tired of Doshiraki in the hostel. Fortunately, I have found that new acquaintances can carry on a conversation on many topics that interest me, and we often have fascinating discussions in which I feel free to express my opinions. And I am very pleased that they listen to me and hear me. Not a trace remained of the former mistrust, and I joyfully overcame my fear.”
Being a black sheep is by no means a punishment for a person. On the contrary, it is a wonderful feature. Learn to take advantage of your difference from others, and it will become your undeniable advantage.
Text: Olya Zhabokritskaya
Illustrations: Alexandra Daniel
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Category:
Opinions
Why don't they like you?
Colleagues' attacks are not always caused by their evil temper or desire to take your place. Perhaps you somehow deserved this attitude from the team. Here is an approximate list of the main office “irritants”:
Complaints. By constantly telling your co-workers about your problems, you arouse in them a feeling of pity and contempt at the same time. It seems that your colleagues are obliged to listen to you, sympathize and offer their help, but in reality they do not want to do this at all. Such an explosive mixture can sooner or later lead to the fact that, instead of empathizing with your troubles, colleagues will begin to take their irritation out on you. By the way, constant requests for help work in exactly the same way. Of course, there is nothing wrong with asking your co-workers from time to time to help you sort out your papers or replace you for a while, but you should not turn such a practice into a system.
Snobbery. Even if it seems to you that your colleagues are not too far removed from ciliates in their mental development, you should not show them what you think of them. If you greet every statement your colleagues make with a disdainful laugh, rest assured that your co-workers will not treat you well.
Boasting. A luxurious apartment, a country house, a weekend spent in Paris - all this awakens a feeling of envy in your colleagues. And not always white. Therefore, it is better not to talk about your material wealth, especially if your colleagues cannot boast of a similar set of values. ??Violation of unspoken rules. The longer a team exists, the more traditions there are in it. Neglecting them can also turn the team against you.
Too active flirting. A new girl who in an instant managed to drive all the men in the team crazy can hardly count on a good relationship with the female half of the office inhabitants. Jealous glances, vulgar jokes and a trail of gossip are the most harmless manifestations of dissatisfaction on the part of your female colleagues.
"Owl" as needed
Artyom doesn't like daylight. The eyes do not perceive it well, and you have to constantly squint. In the dark, the young man feels much more comfortable. That’s why Artyom likes to sleep during the day and goes to bed very late at night. It happens that he doesn’t sleep at all all night - he communicates with friends on the Internet. I’m already used to this way of life, as well as to my unusual appearance. “At the very least, I’m unlikely to be forgotten,” the albino jokes.
In daylight, Artyom constantly squints. Photo: AiF / Yana Khvatova
"The police think he's a drug addict"
Artyom has almost no free time. From the hostel to study, from study to massage, to clients’ homes, and from there to football. The young man often has to go down to the subway. When Artyom has to travel, he tries not to forget to take with him a certificate confirming albinism. “The police stop me in the metro all the time,” says Artyom. “Because of my unusual eyes, they think I’m a drug addict.” At Moskovsky station they stop me every time. I'm already used to it. I show my certificate and they let me go.”
Artyom loves to play sports, especially playing football. Photo: From personal archive
Artyom’s entire family lives in Borovichi, Novgorod region. Artyom misses them and always goes to Borovichi on vacation. All of Artyom’s relatives have dark hair. Mom is dark red. True, the young man was told that there was already an albino in their family five or six generations ago.
Artyom is the only blond in the family. Photo: From personal archive
Artyom often relaxes at the seaside with his family. “Once we were on vacation with our family in Crimea,” recalls Artyom. — I fell asleep right in the sun. When I woke up, I discovered that I was terribly burned. But it was even worse in childhood - once I was so burned that there were blisters all over my back. I was treated for two months. But I went to Rostov with friends, we lived in tents on the seashore - and nothing was wrong. I don’t hide from the sun on purpose; in the summer I wear short-sleeve T-shirts and T-shirts.”
Artyom can’t sunbathe, so he has to hide from the sun. Photo: From personal archive
Examples
Imagine a typical school environment. With the usual division into “hooligans” and “nerds”. Hooligans do not learn; they love to make trouble in the broadest sense of the word. Botanists, on the contrary, are diligent students, do not drink alcohol, and read books. The reader knows for sure both of them. So, the white crow (the meaning of the phraseological unit is studied with all care) is a hooligan who loves books to the point of trembling in his hands, absolutely any kind: historical, artistic, scientific.
He is considered a man “out of this world” by fellow bullies and nerds alike. People are prone to maximalism, so you have to be a hooligan or a nerd, but until the very end, “to the bottom,” as V.V. Mayakovsky said. A person who perceives reality as a mosaic in which elements can be freely shuffled makes a strange and wonderful impression on those around him. They talk about this: “Oh! There's a white crow." The meaning of phraseological units now does not cause difficulties.
