“Forgetting cannot be returned” - former lovers rearrange commas depending on their own feelings and current situations. There are so many life stories where people can’t let go of each other, stepping into the same river over and over again... Is this right? Is it fair? Today we will try to understand what to do if you are still madly in love with your ex-boyfriend.
Are you really in love?
When a girl says through sobs: “I love my ex-boyfriend, I can’t live without him,” psychologists advise stopping, looking into her heart and asking herself: “Is that right?” What prompted you to realize your feelings? How long has it been since the breakup? What was the reason for the breakup?
The fact is that love for past relationships is treacherously replaced, disguised as other feelings and emotions. This could be longing for wonderful courtship, fear of being alone for a long time, banal jealousy (when an ex-boyfriend is already dating someone else), dependence, feelings of guilt or shame, etc. Women's emotional attachment is the biggest deception that prevents you from looking forward and forget the past.
Time also plays a big role. The less time passes after a breakup, the more likely it is that you want to get back together with your ex for destructive reasons. Therefore, here you need to cool down a little and look at your love rationally. The girl has only two options for the development of events: resume meetings with her loved one or forget them forever. Let's look at both options.
Signs that a husband loves his ex-wife.
How to understand that a loved one misses his former passion. Psychotherapist in the field of love and marital relationships, psychologist and author of many books, Tina Tessina advises to definitely talk about this with your partner, ask about his role in this regard. Here are the signs you should pay attention to:
If you started dating shortly after his previous relationship ended, then there's a good chance that your guy is still thinking about his old partner. This does not mean that he wants to return to her - he simply did not have time to get out of that relationship before entering a new one. Everyone needs time to cool down. The process of recovery between the end of one relationship and the beginning of the next is essential to creating a healthy relationship with a new partner.
— He talks about her quite often. Just a word or a superlative is not so important. The main thing is that he constantly remembers her, or rather, does not forget. Or, on the contrary, she doesn’t want to talk about her with you at all, gets angry and rudely puts you in your place, so that, God forbid, you don’t sully her holy name with your words. Therefore, you should think about whether your chosen one can start a new life or whether he will forever remain in the past where his previous relationships exist. He can complain about his ex, scold her, but he is unable to forget about her and is afraid to admit it even to himself.
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— He fell in love with you while he was still involved with another woman. If there is guilt in the end of your boyfriend’s previous relationship, you need to understand and be frank with yourself that he will not get rid of remorse so easily, and will return his thoughts to that woman. At least for a while. Unfortunately, it is impossible to predict the further development of such relations. If in a new partnership a man has real feelings, and the previous ones were just regret and shame, then it is quite possible that this union will be happy.
— He cannot break contact with her. There are many reasons why a person might want to stay in contact with an ex, and there's actually nothing wrong with them. What is special is the fact that they have a common child, which united them until the end of their lives. For example, if they were together for a very long time, but their feeling cooled down, and they simply remained friends and still communicate, this is a good sign for you. After all, someone who doesn't burn bridges and doesn't have enemies is a pretty good and reliable person. However, if there is no good reason that forces you to stay in touch with your ex-wife, then this is at least alarming. If your boyfriend can't shake the memories and constantly visits his ex's social media profile, looking at old photos of them together, you obviously have a problem. In this case, you should slow down the pace of the relationship and look around. Maybe there is another person who is not bound by memories, who will focus on you without having one foot stuck in the past.
— He often compares you with her: “But Marina prepared this dish differently,” “Marina would never have done that.” It's painful and unpleasant. What to do? There is nothing to talk about here. Your husband loves his ex-wife, most likely he is waiting for her to call him. He just spends time with you so he doesn't have to be alone. It's up to you to decide whether to continue to live together, but be jealous and unhappy.
There is one more nuance of relationships that has little to do with the signs of your partner’s love for his ex-wife or girlfriend. Because he has several exes. There is a type of man who has the mentality of a traitor. He cheated on previous women, and he will cheat on you too. At the same time, he does not feel any remorse. This is his way of life. He had women before you, and there will be women after you. Leave him, he doesn't deserve you.
We recommend reading: Does a man raise his hand to a woman?
If you decide to get your ex-boyfriend back
In what cases can you try to get your ex-boyfriend back?
- if the breakup occurred on your initiative;
- due to improper behavior of a companion (ugly act, unacceptable character);
- the breakup occurred due to a misunderstanding (someone did not understand someone, did not want to explain themselves, thought too much, believed gossip, etc.).
In other words, you can get your ex-boyfriend back if you can change the reason for the breakup. If you offended a young man, sincerely ask for forgiveness, repent, prove your love. If your partner is not satisfied with your character/habits, demonstrate that you have changed and are continuing to work on yourself (quit smoking, stopped communicating with the opposite sex, controlled your temper, eliminated obscene speech from your vocabulary, etc.).
Before declaring your love to your lover, find out whether he needs it at all. To do this, observe him in a common company: does he make contact with you, does he look into your eyes, smiles, etc. If you do not meet in company, test the waters through social networks. Just write: “Hello, I haven’t seen you for a long time, how are you doing?” Don't say you're suffering, be casual and light. Quick answers and reluctance to stop the dialogue indicate that he also has feelings for you. If they avoid you when they meet, greet you dryly, look arrogantly, block you on social networks - don’t try to prove yourself more than once, otherwise the guy will be even more irritated towards you.
Before you return your ex-loved one, take care of yourself a little. Update your wardrobe, change your image, hairstyle, tone up your body - you should look better than before. If the guy is ready to start a dialogue, make an appointment for a conversation, carefully think through the words that you will say - your future depends on them. There are no ready-made phrases for reconciliation, everyone has their own, the main thing is that you say them from the bottom of your heart! Say that you realized everything, that you still love, you don’t want to make any more mistakes, you want to make him happy, etc. If everything worked out for you, get to know each other with a new passion, don’t bring up the past, start dating again, make each other happy friend.
Bring your ex-boyfriend back only when his heart is still free. Otherwise, no matter how much you miss your beloved eyes, leave this idea, let everything go as usual.
Possible mistakes when wanting to return your loved one
- One of the common mistakes is trying to win back through sex. You must understand that the guy will simply start treating you like a girl of easy virtue.
- You can’t stalk him or torment him with repeated calls.
- You can’t humiliate yourself, lie at his feet, beg him to return everything.
- There is no need to think that life is over, try to drown your grief in wine, or think about suicide.
- Intimidate the guy with the threat of blackmail in order to try to get him back.
- There is no need to resort to lies. The biggest mistake is telling a guy that you are expecting a child from him, and even more so, trying to get pregnant quickly in order to pass off what you want as reality.
- You can't promise what you can't do. Or just say that you will do whatever he wants. Who knows what's on his mind.
- Create scandals and hysterics. So you definitely won’t get him back.
How to forget your ex FOREVER and start a new life. –Method 6
There is a lot of similar advice on the Internet on how to “ forget your ex-husband forever and start a new life .” And they even teach you how to forget your beloved husband if you have children. And all the advice boils down to what is necessary:
- Switch to something new
- Get carried away with new friends
- Finally, take care of yourself, your beloved, now that the time has appeared
- Regain the energy that you previously spent on him - do something nice for yourself
- Load yourself with things so much that there is not even the slightest opportunity to think about it
- Think over and write down the benefits of a new position without a former loved one - freedom, time, rest
- Use your will to direct your attention to other places.
- And so on….
But, alas. Practice shows that this does not work for everyone.
Why?
Because the main condition has not been met. Namely:
To forget our ex forever, for good, we need to be completely DISAPPOINTED IN HIM!
This is the only way we can truly let go, forget forever.
Disappointment in a person is precisely the mechanism that destroys any relationship forever.
And therefore, I offer you a Psychological conspiracy to forget your ex forever.
And this conspiracy will help you forget even your ex, whom you see every day . After all, this happens. You work together and are forced to see each other. But I still really want to get it out of my head and forget it.
I WANT to forget my ex! — Method 1
Just be honest: how much time a day does it take you to turn this question “How to forget your ex-loved one” in your head? I admit that it is a lot. In addition to time, an incredible amount of mental energy is spent on this. Trying to cope with memories and feelings is not living. Your life is like in a science-fiction thriller where time is stopped - frozen.
I'll tell you a secret. The more you want to forget your ex-husband (boyfriend), the less you succeed. Why? This is the principle of our psyche. The more we fight any feelings, the stronger they become. The process of your ex being in your head seems to be fueled by your burning desire to forget him quickly. It’s as if you are feeding this process with your psychic energy.
What should I do? Let's turn on a wonderful method called “paradoxical intention”.
Paradoxical means “on the contrary.” Intention (from Latin intenti - meaning intention, desire).
How does this method work? I think you have noticed many times that the more you forbid yourself something, the more you want it. After all, the forbidden is sweet.
Therefore, we ALLOW ourselves to think and remember our ex.
I foresee objections. “Well, I’ll never forget him.” No, dear readers. You'll forget! Believe me. Just like you have already forgotten some previous exes. And you don’t remember them, would you agree? And you will forget this.
But for now, to make the task easier, we do the following trick :
We track how much time a day you REALLY suffer because of it. 10%? Or, 20%? Or 5%? It's important to be honest here. Because, you see, you don’t remember and suffer all day long. Besides this, you still work, study, live your life, do things, sleep in the end.
Did you track it? And now: let’s allow ourselves this time to remember him. It's OK. Allow me - and relief and oblivion will come on their own! It is important for us to understand that the ex only sits in our head for some time. Not 24/7!
