Anything can happen in our lives, and our days are not always cloudless. Let's say you and your husband (or a young man whom you already saw in your dreams as such) had a disagreement. And now your man is silent, withdrawn into himself, and doesn’t want to communicate with you at all. The overwhelming majority of us, women, immediately press the big red button with the inscription “panic”: guard!!! Our man doesn't love us anymore!
Let's not panic right away, but rather try to figure out why this happens to our guys. First of all, it is worth remembering that we are very different. We think, and therefore act, completely differently. Keeping this in mind, we will be able to understand the peculiarities of communication between guys and us, beautiful ladies.
Let's start with the most unpleasant thing: if a man stops loving us, how can we find out about it?
What should not be done if a man withdraws into himself
It is not always the case that a man begins to avoid communication only because he has fallen out of love. As a rule, the resulting isolation is explained by the fact that guys do not react to some problems in the way that is typical for us, because their psychology and perception of the surrounding reality are significantly different from our psychology and our perception of the world. And if, while a man is thinking about the problem and hatching its solution, he behaves incorrectly, then this can really cause a serious blow to your relationship. What should you do in such a situation?
Don't put pressure on him
When faced with a problem, a man must immediately solve it. This algorithm has evolved over thousands of years, and only this model of behavior allowed men in ancient times to survive themselves and help their relatives survive. Modern guys have retained this model of behavior; it is embedded in them at the level of genetic memory. There is a problem - you need to disconnect from everything that distracts you from thinking about ways to solve this problem.
We women often don’t even notice that we create such problems for our men literally one after another. We may simply notice in passing, for example, that we saw some nice boots in the store, but, by the way, we won’t have anything to wear in the winter, because the boots we bought last season don’t go well with a fur coat. By the way, about the fur coat - it has long gone out of fashion! And so on. We are capable of reeling in a whole tangle of problems, but all we wanted to talk about were the boots we liked.
But a man perceives what we say completely differently. He understands that a task is being set before him - his wife or girlfriend is poorly dressed, and this, by the way, is a reproach to him as a breadwinner. He immediately begins to scroll through his head all possible solutions to this problem. He will analyze his beloved’s wardrobe, consider whether there are more important upcoming expenses, estimate what income is expected and whether it is possible to earn extra money somewhere.
If he provides you and clothes well enough, in particular, you buy quite often, then he may even be offended - it turns out that no matter how hard you try, you still reproach him for not providing you well. But we were just talking about those boots, as if we were talking about a painting from a museum - doesn’t he think that we want him to buy us that painting?!
So, by dumping a bunch of problems on the guy, we literally drive him into a corner. Any man strives to act immediately, solving the task assigned to him, and if the problem is really serious, then he needs time to think about it. And he locks himself in his psychological “cave,” not wanting to share his thoughts with anyone. The guy understands this: if he cannot find a solution on his own, then he is not a man, but a wimp. He may ask for our opinion about a decision he has already made, but only to make sure he is right and get some additional advice from you.
Therefore, you should never put pressure on a man, demanding immediate answers to your questions. It must be remembered that every problem tests his male self-esteem. If you do not take this into account, you can ensure that the young man leaves you and goes to someone who will not make him doubt his own worth.
Don't invade his personal space
Yes, this drives many women crazy! We want to be there every minute, to see what he is doing, to know what his thoughts are about. But men need personal space just as much as we need it. After all, we have some secrets that we don’t dedicate to our beloved? Of course, we immediately think about the worst if a man silently passed by, if he wants to spend time without us, if he is angry with us and the like. But don't panic! Remember right away: this is a man, he is made from a completely different cloth.
When we talk to our girlfriends, we can spend hours talking about how upset we are about something. For a man, everything is different. If he's upset, he won't say it out loud. When men communicate, their goal is simply to have a good time. They won't talk about problems because they want to give themselves a break from them. And also because they want to look like real men, and not snotty boys who don’t know how to solve complex issues on their own. That’s why they, our guys, from time to time begin to avoid communicating with us - after all, only in a male circle can they give themselves psychological relief.
If you understand this and if you don’t pester a man when he wants to retire to another room or just mindlessly sit in front of the TV, meet with friends or go fishing - in a word, if you don’t constantly impose your communication on him, then he will value you as worth your weight in gold, because there are very few such women!
Why can a guy suddenly break off a relationship?
If a guy stops calling and texting and doesn’t answer calls himself, it’s not at all necessary that the fault lies with the woman. Often this behavior is characteristic of people with a certain character:
- Cold and unemotional. He does not realize that his behavior causes pain, he does not experience serious love in the relationship, he does not care how it ends.
- Manipulator. Such a person leaves in the midst of a relationship in order to achieve certain concessions from a woman - more freedom, expensive gifts, obedience. Another reason is the reluctance to fulfill the woman’s requests. For example, she asks to give her at least part of the salary or starts talking about the birth of a child, so the man disappears so that she comes to her senses. After her lover crosses the threshold of the house again 2 days later, the woman will completely forget about her unreasonable desires.
- Infantile. He leaves suddenly and without warning because he doesn't know how to say it. It's like a little child: I got tired - I left.
- Coward. He is afraid to look a woman in the eyes and tell the truth, so he prefers to simply hide and never appear on the horizon again. He is afraid to take responsibility for a woman; he wants easy and non-binding meetings.
If a guy suddenly stopped communicating with you and simply disappeared for no apparent reason, this is not normal. Thank fate that it so quickly took such an unreliable person away from you, and do not look for meetings with him anymore.
Other reasons for stopping communication
When a woman is not to blame, and the characters described do not at all fit the description of her lover, it is worth looking for the reason elsewhere.
READ How to break up with a guy if you love him, but there is no future: advice from a psychologist
Why did he stop writing?
If you just communicated with a guy via the Internet for a long time, and then he simply stopped writing and responding to messages, then this can be explained by the following reasons:
- Force Majeure. For example, a man had to leave urgently, but there was no way to warn about this, or he simply did not attach any importance to it. Or maybe his network simply disappeared (thunderstorm, rain, power outage, forgot to pay for operator services).
- I realized the pointlessness. If a guy hinted several times about dating in person, but did not receive consent, then he began to worry about the refusal and realized that he was not interested in you as a partner, and your correspondence would lead nowhere.
- I found a more interesting pen pal or a girl in real life, after which I decided to stop corresponding with you.
- I realized that you are deceiving. For example, you sent him a photo, but it turned out to be from the Internet, or you said that you don’t have a lover, but on a social network you posted a photo of yourself kissing a guy.
- Being stuck at work or school. There is no free time to even open a social network, not to mention long conversations.
These are the most common reasons if a man suddenly stops writing on social networks and does not respond to your messages. If the reason is not force majeure, which will become clear in a few days, then stop pestering the guy with your messages and cut him out of your life.
After sex
If a man suddenly stopped communicating immediately after the first sex, this means that he most likely did not consider you for a serious relationship. The reasons for the disappearance in this case may be the following:
- I only needed sex from you;
- considered you as a mistress, but did not suit him in bed;
- considered for a long-term relationship, but was disappointed due to the fact that she quickly gave up;
- I didn’t like my behavior in bed: for example, I laughed when I saw a small penis, or I pretended to have an orgasm too much.
Although men want to get a girl into bed faster, this does not mean that they will offer to date after the first sex. Few people are ready to consider an easily accessible woman as a life partner.
Shortly before the wedding
The most painful and unpleasant thing for a girl is when a guy disappears shortly before such a bright holiday as a wedding. You have already formed clear plans for your future life, invitations have been sent out to guests, a restaurant and a dress have been chosen, but suddenly your partner stops communicating and it is impossible to find him. This behavior may occur for the following reasons:
- The groom was afraid of responsibility. This often happens when a woman or her parents insist on a wedding, and also when a girl finds out about pregnancy, after which the guy has only 2 options - to be a scoundrel or to propose marriage. He chooses the second option, but realizes that he doesn't want it.
- I met another girl and realized that I didn’t really love my fiancée.
- He cheated, for example, on a bachelor party, now he is ashamed to even talk about it. He considers himself the last scoundrel who is unworthy of such a beautiful woman.
- I found out about a girl’s betrayal and cannot forgive her for it.
If there was no quarrel between you, but your loved one suddenly disappears, then you need to find him and find out the reason for this behavior. Perhaps it is still possible to fix everything, resume the relationship and have a wedding.
For no apparent reason
If a guy stopped communicating for no reason, perhaps an unpleasant situation happened to him, or a tragedy occurred:
- lost a close relative (or he became seriously ill), so the man urgently left for a long time in another city;
- became a victim of a robbery and is now in a hospital or morgue;
- urgent unscheduled business trip to a place where there is no cellular coverage;
- I lost (broke) my phone and doesn’t know your number by heart.
Of course, such situations occur rarely, but still you shouldn’t write them off right away.
After the first date
After the first date, a man's attitude can change dramatically. He will not want to get to know the girl better for the following reasons:
READ What to do if your boyfriend leaves you and you love him
- I wasn't happy with the appearance. On social networks, girls post edited photos in which they have a model appearance. And if instead of a beautiful long-legged blonde a pimply and plump lady with glasses comes on a date, then she is unlikely to see him again. And there is no point in calling a man to re-arrange a meeting.
- Too talkative. A date is not a marathon “Tell your biography from the cradle in 1 hour.” If you chat without giving a man even a chance to get a word in, if you lay out information that is absolutely uninteresting to him, then he is unlikely to want to see you again. Communication should be pleasant for both.
- Runs ahead of the locomotive. You just met, and you are already planning your next weekend together or finding out who you will live with after you decide to move in together. Men, by their psychology, avoid such conversations even in serious relationships, not to mention the first date.
- I didn't like it. This is a banal, but the most obvious reason. It seems that the girl is pretty, sweet, smart, and has something to talk to her about, and listens attentively, but does not catch on.
After the date is over, a man may say that he will call, but will not do it. You shouldn’t intrude and call, you need to accept the situation and move on with your life, especially since nothing serious happened.
Someone influenced his opinion
If you stopped communicating with a guy, although everything was fine before, think maybe someone influenced his opinion. For example, while walking, you met a mutual friend, and then he “opened the eyes” of your lover by telling him something unpleasant. Or the guy decided to introduce you to his best friend, but he didn’t like your appearance, and he started teasing: “Why do you need such a scary story?” Or maybe the man talked about his new beloved mother, telling details about you that did not suit her, for example, that you are divorced or have a child.
How to communicate effectively with men
For a man to be willing to communicate with you, you need to speak the same language with him. Imagine that you have arrived, for example, in Paris, and are looking for directions to your hotel. And you know as much French as the phrasebook clutched in your hand, and you can even help yourself with gestures. Do you agree that your chances of getting to your hotel and not to the other end of Paris are very low? Otherwise they’ll even show you the way to Cannes! Now, if you spoke good French, you would find your way with the help of the Parisians literally in the blink of an eye.
Having a common language is also important in human relationships, where men and women struggle to understand each other. We women adapt to different circumstances much more easily, which is why it is much easier for us to learn to speak a man’s language. How can we make sure that a man does not want to avoid communicating with us? What rules of communication with guys should you follow?
- Always remember that a man wants to see immediate results from his actions. The biggest mistake women make is that they believe that guys also like to talk about their problems and experiences, just like we like to do. While a woman may enjoy long and detailed stories about difficulties, a man prefers to have the essence of the issue stated precisely and concisely.
- Find good times to talk and socialize.
Guys can be very resistant to any attempts at communication when they are not in the mood. If a man is watching TV, reading, working, or otherwise busy, ask him if he can talk to you now. You are much more likely to be heard and get your share of attention if he sees that you are willing to compromise and postpone the conversation until a more convenient time. Psychologists say that a man is most willing to talk when you are doing something together. It doesn’t matter whether you are doing something serious or just relaxing, for example, playing checkers or jogging. Men find it more enjoyable to socialize as part of a shared activity. - Show your man that you are interested in communicating with him as soon as you have his attention. Men really like it when a woman maintains eye contact with them and speaks in a calm, pleasant tone. If you tell your boyfriend something, do not forget to ask his opinion: “Do you agree?” or “What do you think?” Ask only questions to which you really don’t know the answers. Women love to re-learn information they already know, but men will never do this.
- Listen carefully when a man speaks to you. Don't interrupt, let him speak, even if you don't agree with him. He will be more respectful of your point of view if you allow him to fully outline and justify his own position. In addition, only after listening to the guy to the end can you be sure that you understood him correctly.
Women's mistakes that lead to relationship breakdowns
The banal phrase “It’s not about you, it’s about me” is often far from reality. A man will not abandon an ideal woman who is completely satisfied; on the contrary, he will do everything possible to be close to her. If a young man suddenly disappears, think about whether you made serious mistakes . These may include:
- Forcing events. You’ve only sat in a cafe a couple of times, and you’re already coming up with names for your children together and telling them that you’d like to invite Aunt Klava from Germany to the wedding. The man is not yet thinking about something serious, so such activity scares him.
- Behavior that a man considers wrong. For example, you drink a lot, smoke, or your speech contains obscenities. It’s easier for him to immediately reject such a girl than to try to re-educate her.
- Quick sex. If a guy drags you into bed too quickly, for example, on the first date, then his ardor may simply fade away. And why does he need a girl who is ready to have sex with a virtual stranger for a serious relationship?
Here are the main female mistakes that a girl makes at the very beginning, risking losing a man.
READ How to survive the pain of a breakup: advice and recommendations from psychologists
How to teach a man to listen to you
It may also be that a man thinks that he communicates with us quite enough, while it will seem to us that he does not notice or hear us at all. The same notorious difference in our psychologies! Instead of nagging your boyfriend or making dramatic gestures, it's better to just teach him to listen. There are some great ways to do this.
Think about what and how to say
- Never resort to whining. Most men automatically turn off their attention as soon as they hear a woman’s whiny voice. What tone of your voice attracts your boyfriend's attention the most? Always talk to him in this tone!
- Don't speak too loudly or forcefully. Don't resort to verbal attacks to get a man's attention, they really don't like it.
- Don't beat around the bush. By the time you get to the point, he will no longer listen to what you say.
Listen to a man when he talks to you
In some cases, we ourselves are to blame for the fact that they don’t want to listen to us. If we never listen to what a man says, then he may quite reasonably think, why should I listen to her?
- Do you pay attention to him when he wants to talk to you? Do you stop washing the dishes, reading a book, or watching TV in order to listen carefully to the guy?
- Do you only want to talk about certain topics? Does it happen that he is very excited, for example, about an incident at his work or a successful solution when repairing a car, and you are bored listening and interrupt him? Your man will perceive this attitude as a lack of interest in himself, and he will begin to avoid communicating with you.
Find the right time to solve problems
When you talk about a problem, never get personal. If you feel like your boyfriend isn't listening to you, don't tell him, “You never listen to me,” instead say, “I don't think you're listening to me, and I'd like to talk about it.”
- Talk about your feelings in a quiet, comfortable environment. You don’t want him to feel threatened and begin to prepare for a defensive defense, do you?
- Start the conversation by saying that you really love and appreciate him. Explain that you feel that you are unable to effectively share your feelings and thoughts with him.
- Ask him to make suggestions on how the quality of your communication could be improved. Find a common solution that will help strengthen your partnership.
Reasons why a man doesn't show up after the first meeting
Perhaps he realized that he was not ready for a serious relationship, but to admit this to a girl’s face?
No, the guy is not capable of such courage. Therefore, your potential groom chose to tactfully retreat with minimal losses. Another option is that having met you and remembering his past painful experience, he was most likely afraid to repeat it again and get burned again. In this case, he may still appear in your life when he is emotionally more mature.
And the last thought, why communication began to cease to be active - he just didn’t like you. It is difficult to determine their emotions from the faces of some men, but usually a woman intuitively understands whether her interlocutor likes her. The appearance, character, demeanor, or some bad habits could have repelled me.
It’s also likely that you didn’t know what to talk about with your guy while out for a walk. Here it is said where to start the conversation, how to maintain it and what phrases to end it with so that the man suggests meeting again.
Last tip
Men are not as difficult to communicate as we make them out to be. If they want to communicate with us, they will do so. If they don’t want to, it means they have a reason for it, and we will not be able to influence this in any way and will not be able to force them to act as we would like. Give the guy some time in his personal space.
If this state of affairs has dragged on for a long time, then it is better not to beat around the bush, but to directly ask him if everything is okay in his relationship with you. If he answers yes, then just leave him alone. If he says “no”, then don’t create scandals and hysterics - it won’t help. Just completely destroy all chances of change for the better. And if he says “I don’t know,” then ask him what the problem is, what confuses him. Be direct, but not too pushy, and speak calmly. If he says again that he doesn't know what's causing his mood, just ask him to let you know when you can talk about it. And give him the opportunity to be alone with himself as much as he needs.
Believe me, a man will properly appreciate your attitude if you give him the opportunity to think calmly before making a decision and moving forward in building your relationship.
He flirts with you but doesn't set up dates
This man—you know him from work, the gym, or church—is such a flirt! He constantly appears on the way, making your head turn. It's funny, but he never invites you anywhere. He is always happy to see you, but it doesn’t go further than that, and this is precisely the signal that he is not seriously interested in you.
Any person who wants to get to know each other invites you on a date. If he doesn’t do this, something is holding him back, which means he needs to move on.
He texts you but doesn't find time to meet.
So many men love to text. But any man who sends "Good morning, Beautiful" but doesn't have time to see you is likely sending the same message to several other women. Imagine his inflated ego from messages sent to a bunch of lonely girls.
Don't waste your time, no matter how much pleasure his messages bring you or how suitable he seems to be for you. If he was seriously interested, he would spend time with you in person.
I'm not a coward, but I'm afraid9
Making responsible decisions often frightens timid, childish guys. From early childhood, he decided to entrust his worries to his busy mother and his grandmother fluttering nearby. Having become a mustachioed man outwardly, he remains the same indecisive boy inside his large body.
When a relationship with a woman becomes difficult or requires serious decisions, the man “hides under his grandmother’s skirt” and disappears. Difficulties such as financial issues, marriage, or the pregnancy of a lover especially strike a guy with trepidation and horror. The last reason ranks high on the list of reasons why the man disappeared without explanation. Having learned about the conception of a future heir, most men, pulling their heads into their shoulders, try to quickly run away. Even to the ends of the world.
Go with God13
If a man disappears without explanation, there is no need to pursue him. It's his decision. A cowardly but thoughtful decision. His choice should be respected and accepted. Let him build his life elsewhere. The woman should forgive and release the fugitive. The future will show that this situation was only for the better. The black stripe is certainly followed by a white stripe.
Instead of an unsightly character, a worthy person will definitely appear. There is no point in feeling sorry for a man who disappeared and did not bother to explain the reason. Whatever the motives, it is not nice to do this. As one wise woman said: “My man would not do that. So this is not my man!”
Manipulator with a special purpose8
In some cases, the guy disappears to manipulate the girl's actions. He achieves something from his “stubborn and disobedient” girlfriend and uses these methods to try to reason with the woman. In this case, there is no need to sound the alarm, but rather calmly wait for the “prodigal parrot” to return. Psychologists do not advise building your life with manipulators, but deep down in their souls, every person is a little bit of a “dictator.” The wise behavior of a woman will show a man that such methods will not have their effect. Next time the man will not disappear without a trace. But with frequent manipulation, at one point the woman herself will disappear.
Regain self-confidence12
After painful experiences, you need to look around and focus on yourself. Watching films about unhappy love and abandoned heroines will demonstrate how the unfortunate survived the separation of a man with dignity. The classic film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears” tells the story of how unhappy love helped a provincial girl achieve great success.
Later, the main character met her soulmate, but was grateful to fate for the sad experience in the past. It is important for a woman to regain her calm and self-confidence, which have been greatly shaken due to the situation that has occurred. Sports, dancing, visiting the swimming pool, beauty salon and gym will definitely be beneficial.
