How to wean a child off the computer - 15 sure-fire ways to add to your parent's piggy bank

Recently, a friend of mine took her 13-year-old niece in for the summer because her parents had fallen on hard times.

First she gave the young girl some freedom with her cell phone. She realized how hard it was to leave her home and temporarily move in with someone else

She said nothing as the teenager sat on the couch for hours, scrolling and scrolling through her social media feed. She did not put down the phone, even when she walked through the house to another room. She tried not to scold her when she repeatedly said, “Wait one minute,” so she could finish the text instead of answering the question.

Finally, when a girl tried to bring her phone to a Sunday family dinner, my friend couldn't help herself. She told her niece to leave her phone at the counter while she ate.

That's when the cell phone drama began.

First of all, there was a whole technical hysteria about how unfair it was.

When she finally made it to the desk, she turned around to look at the phone every time it buzzed. She didn't participate in any of the conversations and swallowed her food, apologizing the moment the last bite entered her mouth.

She didn't even wait for an answer, she just jumped up and went straight to the phone.

The following week, my friend discovered that a young girl had been kept up all night because she had placed her phone under her pillow so she could hear any messages. When her aunt forced her to turn off her phone, she kept thinking that she could hear vibrations even when the phone was turned off.

She felt awkward and nervous when her phone was not within reach and began to lie when she used it.

This teenager had a serious cell phone addiction.

While this young girl's story scared me, I also understand that cell phones are a common feature in the lives of teenagers and adults today. I believe that even if you use your phone most of the day, it doesn't necessarily make you addicted.

And let's make it real, we're not going to ban cell phone use by teenagers.

The truth is that in today's digital world, smartphones truly make our lives easier. It's easy to use to check the weather, chat with friends, do homework, complete work assignments, order food, and more.

But as with parenting, you should always know where your child's breaking point is. You should be able to recognize the signs of cell phone addiction and know that it may be different for each child.

Technology isn't going away, but we can reduce our teens' vulnerability to cell phone addiction.

A great way to do this is to set healthy boundaries and make sure you set very clear rules around cell phones for teens.

Rules for using a mobile phone to help avoid teenage phone addiction.

No phones before bed:

We all know that teenagers today have schoolwork, activities, and college planned, and study after study shows that our older children are not getting enough sleep. Set up a charging station that you can monitor and make sure your kids stick to putting their phones in it about an hour before bed. At our house it's 8:30pm on school nights and 9:30pm on weekends.

Only one screen at a time:

One of my pet peeves is when I see my three daughters sitting on the couch watching a movie and scrolling on their phones, or when they are using the computer for homework yet are constantly texting on their phone. If you can't complete a task without checking your phone, in my opinion you have a problem. So, we've established a one screen at a time rule, so my kids are learning to stay focused and in the moment, no matter what they're doing at the time.

Restore family meals.

No one, including Mom and Dad, can bring their phones to the table. We can only have dinner together as a family a few times a week, so this is the time we get to meet each other. If you don't want to talk, you can't fill the void with your phone.

Restricting access to social networks, games, etc.

My daughters find a new game to play on their phone every week. Sometimes they have a hard time pulling themselves away, and I find that they sneak off to finish one more level or scroll through one more post. I set time limits so that they could only access certain apps on their phones during certain periods of time. For example, they can't access games or social media until after school, so it's not a distraction.

Free screen time:

If their homework is done and their rooms are clean, I give them an hour or two so they can use their phone without me pushing the rules. Whether I like it or not, teenagers are connecting digitally, and I remember spending hours on three-way calls with my hot pink phone in my room. Even though I know my parents thought it was funny, they allowed me to make time to hang out with my friends.

Days without phones.

Okay, maybe not all day, but I like to take my girls hiking or shopping, and we leave all cell phones at home except one, which can't be used unless it's an emergency. It's good for parents and children to know that they can go hours without using their phone.

Disable Push Notifications.

My daughters always wanted to look at their phones to see if anyone had sent them text messages. When we turned off these notifications so they weren't constantly on the screen, my teenagers were much less likely to pick up their phones.

Walk.

We all follow the same rules in our home, even mom and dad. Using a "work" card is easy, but to really show your teens that they don't need their phones 24/7, you have to demonstrate that you don't need them either.

How addiction occurs

Phone addiction is psychological in nature, but its mechanism of action is the same as chemical addiction. When using gadgets, an increased amount of dopamine is released in the body, and the teenager feels happy. The basis for this is formed in childhood, when the mother, busy with housework, occupies the child with a tablet so as not to interfere.

Internet and gaming addiction can develop as early as middle school age. Immersion in the virtual world may indicate the presence of serious psychological problems of various types. This may be lack of self-confidence, difficulties in communicating with peers, parents. In this case, the telephone becomes a kind of shelter where the boy can hide from difficulties, feel authoritative, “the life of the party.”

Mistake #3: Ignoring your own habits

Sometimes a mother comes to me for a consultation. And I see that she is bored, sad, sad, she doesn’t really like life, she doesn’t have a hobby. At the same time, the woman is sincerely surprised why her child sits on gadgets all day long. Although the answer in this case is obvious. What else should he do when he has such an example before his eyes?

What to do : If a child sees parents in the evenings, exhausted after work, who are relaxing, just sitting on the couch and watching TV, or still working at home, and on the weekends they are doing some important things that are of no interest to either them or the child, this is not the best example for a little person.

Your task is to show your child an exciting, rich life, and most importantly, to live it yourself! Then your child will also strive for this, because children repeat after adults. And one more important nuance: parents themselves should look away from their phones more, thereby setting a good example.

Country secrets. How to distract a child outside the city from gadgets Read more

Harm to mobile and other gadgets

First of all, excessive use of the phone has a negative impact on health. Doctors name a number of consequences: deterioration of vision and memory, impaired concentration, diseases of the musculoskeletal system, insomnia. In addition, the use of gadgets overloads a teenager’s fragile sensory system, makes him irritable, absent-minded, and undermines the state of the nervous system.

The second, no less serious danger is access to unwanted and prohibited resources. Thanks to smartphones, a child can be on the Internet as much as he wants, visit any sites, public pages and communities. This is fraught with many socio-psychological threats.

For example, the infamous group on a social network called “Blue Whale”. The curators of this community were engaged in real bullying of teenagers, inducing them to aggression and suicide attempts. Later, another one appeared - “Disappearance for 24 hours”. Now teenagers are asked to run away from home for a day without warning their elders. This also includes communities that incite racial, gender, class hatred, as well as pornographic resources. Agree, this is not at all for children's eyes!

1INSIDE OF FIGHT CLUB

I was first introduced to online games in seventh grade, 17 years ago. During recess, I heard kids from high school discussing the new game “Fight Club” - Combats.ru.

This is a browser-based multiplayer game that boils down to two figures on a browser page hitting each other. Moreover, there was no interactivity there. You just use a button to select where you want to strike, and then the results of the battle are written in the chat.

You choose where to hit, and then you wait 5 minutes for the results of the move
. Despite the idiotically elementary interface, the game attracted hundreds of thousands of people, not only youngsters like me, but also adults. Some of these adults shelled out tens of thousands of dollars to buy gaming equipment, gear and equipment.

Did they receive anything of value?

No, their purchases were just pictures on a page on the Internet. And for such a picture, for example, a drawn club, players paid $5,000. Of course, I didn’t have that kind of money, and yet even I once spent about $20 to buy armor and a magic amulet for my character.

A baton worth $5,000.
Quite real dollars. I'm seriously interested in Fight Club. Mainly because my acquaintances played it - older guys whom I respected. I wanted to be equal to them or even surpass them in some way.

As a result, I spent a lot of time on this site. Often during computer science lessons I quickly completed a task and opened the game in the next browser window.

I was terribly upset when Internet access was lost. Then he was still on the phone, using special cards. It was necessary to enter a code in order to have access to the Internet for several hours. I remember I was close to hysterics when it was my turn to move, and the Internet suddenly froze or even ended, and I didn’t know what to do, and I realized that I had lost. And losing by missing a move imposed certain penalties.

Two years in parallel reality

Gradually, I switched from Fight Club to other, more dynamic games like Diablo 2. And in high school, I became acquainted with a game called Ragnarok. This is a multiplayer online RPG with funny cartoon graphics in an anime style. I spent two years there almost without leaving.

I didn’t become a master, but I spent several thousand hours here.
I played for several hours every day. In the morning I woke up early to have time to play for an hour or two before school. After classes, instead of walking in the yard with friends, I rushed home.

On Saturdays, my parents went to the dacha, which meant I could spend half a day alone with the game. True, according to my feelings, these 8 hours flew by like 5 minutes. I was surprised every time I heard my parents’ steps in the corridor and noticed that it was already dark outside the window.

How not to act?

The first thing that comes to mind for most parents is installing Parental Controls on devices used by a child or teenager. It protects against downloading unwanted applications, blocks access to “adult” sites, and limits time on the Internet. However, the older the child, the more difficult it will be for him to come to terms with the fact of total control by adults. In addition, modern children are such advanced users of gadgets and PCs that it will not be difficult for many to bypass Parental Control.

Another wrong tactic is bans and taking away the phone. Taking away a child's gadget is not an option. On the contrary, this will encourage the teenager to lie, get out, and be cunning. Trust in the family will be shaken and perhaps even lost. Teenagers need a phone every day to keep in touch with peers and friends. They say this about modern children: they were born “with a phone in their hands,” so communicating with a teenager through force is a bad idea. Instead, set some rules that everyone in the family, including adults, will follow.

Start with yourself

A child strives to imitate his parents in everything. If every day he sees adults spending all their free time watching TV or at the computer, you should not expect him to suddenly fall in love with playing games with peers or become interested in reading. Dad plays computer games, mom watches talk shows and TV series - so where can a child get a different model of behavior?

Therefore, it is very important to understand: yes, the tablet is very convenient! Funny pictures fascinate the child for a long time and allow parents to go about their business. But is it worth it then to be surprised that there is no contact between you?

Gadgets in the hands of a child. What will the passion for smartphones and tablets lead to?

How to minimize harm from a smartphone

Try to establish a trusting relationship with your children, tell them about the rules for using the telephone and the Internet. Approximately the same way you can explain the rules of the road - calmly, consistently, reasonedly. Don't try to threaten or promise incentives. Make sure your teenager understands you.
Ask your son or daughter not to share photos of relatives, brothers and sisters, not to geolocate the photo, and not to report major events. For example, don’t talk online about your family going on vacation or planning a major purchase. And, of course, no photos/scanned copies of passports and other documents.
Teach your child that a smartphone is an essential tool, created to “stay in touch,” and not entertainment or a toy. It is necessary to communicate with loved ones and friends. And, on the contrary, “hanging out” on the phone means moving away from the family, from relatives. Tell your child that you are upset that he is increasingly ignoring you. Don't push, but make it clear that you are upset by this circumstance.

Mistake No. 4. You do not strive to establish dialogue

Parents often believe that they can avoid talking about the topic of addiction with their child and pretend that everything is normal, but such tactics are destructive. Just because you turn a blind eye to a problem doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

What to do: Talk honestly with your children - how you feel about this, what you think. Talk about your concerns. For example: “I believe that this will not be useful in large quantities because of such and such...”. In my opinion, the hysteria around the topic of addiction is exaggerated because we simply do not know how to communicate with children. If we nevertheless begin to do this, and in such a way as to listen and hear the younger generation, to believe that they can say something about themselves, and that they are truly thinking and understanding creatures, then many questions will immediately disappear.

How to distract a child from the phone?

Agree not to use your phone, for example, in class, while doing homework and, of course, when walking around the city. Walking the streets with headphones on, listening to music or talking with a friend should become taboo once and for all - life-threatening. This must be firmly understood, just like the fact that you cannot talk to strangers.
Get into the habit of putting your phone away at breakfast, dinner and lunch, especially if you have guests. Tell your teen that during meals you need to communicate with your family and not look at the screen. This is impolite, and “grandmother will be upset.”
Don’t set a bad example for your children—limit your time using the phone. If mom and dad are used to not letting go of the gadget, it’s unlikely that younger family members will do otherwise. And remember, rules exist for everyone. If a son and daughter have to put their phone away at dinner, then parents should do the same.
Enter a bonus system. For example, one (whole) day without the Internet and games will be rewarded with pocket money. Offer a small amount, but what is promised must always be fulfilled. Sooner or later, the child will become motivated and start using the phone less.
If you can have a weekend without the Internet, do it. For example, book a hotel room that doesn't have unlimited Wi-Fi, or go skiing, ice skating, take the kids to play board games, go fishing, take a walk in the woods, or go on a bike ride.
Finally, you can use a trick - say that the router is broken or the wire is damaged, the Internet was turned off for non-payment, and the salary is only due the day after tomorrow. Such techniques are ineffective in the long term, but can help out in extreme cases. For example, if you notice that your child has visited “bad” sites, but you are not yet ready for a frank educational conversation. This cannot be done often, otherwise the boy will realize that he is being deceived. This cannot be allowed, otherwise trust will be undermined.

And most importantly - no violence or prohibitions. Offer your teen an alternative rather than taking away the only hobby they have. Show that you can relax without a smartphone, demonstrate how interesting the world around you can be, and the child himself will put the tablet aside.

Symptoms of computer addiction in teenagers

The child’s mood, perception of the world around him, and daily routine quickly change. Computer games replace food and sleep, real communication with friends. Fatigue, irritability, isolation, secrecy, and aggressiveness appear. A child who spends a lot of time in front of the monitor forgets about his responsibilities, household chores, studies, meetings, agreements, hygiene and experiences a feeling of emotional uplift only during play.

Symptoms of gambling addiction in children include increasing screen time; complete concentration on the game, refusal to spend time with friends, inability to control oneself, failure to keep promises to parents about finishing the game, forgetfulness, withdrawal syndrome - the inability to sit down at the monitor causes rage, aggression, crying, withdrawal.

Separately, physical symptoms are noted in those suffering from computer addiction. These are headaches, dry eyes, back pain, weight loss, changes in sleep patterns.

What attracts children to a virtual game? Online games give children a sense of competition that creates excitement. Thus, children develop an addiction to the computer; this happens especially quickly if the child is successful in a virtual game, but not in real life. Role-playing games are dangerous for suggestible children who copy the behavior of their heroes. It is necessary for adults to take a closer look at what games their offspring plays. Modern virtual games are made so well that for a person with a low level of criticality the line between its imitation and reality is blurred.

5Why do children watch others play?

Perhaps you have noticed that your child does not play himself, but watches others play. This video format is called “let's play.” Let's play channels on YouTube are wildly popular among teenagers. As a rule, in such videos, experienced gamers show how to pass difficult game levels and comment on what is happening, often very emotionally and with a lot of jokes.

Am I a spectator watching or a sniper shooting from a rifle?

Why do children love the Let's Play format so much?

The reason is that they essentially get the opportunity to be a person they respect, to touch them. Let's say there is a player who is brilliant at fighting monsters, has a great sense of humor, and makes live broadcasts on YouTube. While the child watches the video, he temporarily becomes this player.

At first glance, this activity seems pointless to parents, but if you look at it, children have good reasons for spending time on Let’s Play. You should not devalue any process if you do not understand what its essence and advantages are.

IMPORTANT: If you don’t understand, don’t devalue it.

If you criticize and devalue online games that your child is interested in, you will not be able to become a close friend to him. Your task is not to forbid your child something or call his hobbies nonsense, but to be on his side and understand his motives and needs.