How to become tougher in character and achieve victories?

What is character from a psychological point of view?

Before looking at what a tough character is, let's look at the definition as a whole. In general, this definition is abstract and can be viewed from several perspectives:

On the one hand, this is the totality of all the traits of a human personality, what makes up his image, characterizes him.
On the other hand, character is often understood as the ability to defend one’s own opinion, inner core, will, and determination. It is about the absence of these traits that we say: “You are a spineless person,” thus implying internal weakness.

A tough type of character is formed under the influence of various circumstances. Let's look at these traits separately for women and men.

Male character

A man’s tough character speaks of his authoritarianism, adherence to principles, “preservation,” and inability to adapt to changing circumstances. Such a representative of the stronger sex does not make concessions, hears only his own opinion in everything, trusts no one, relies only on his own strength, it is impossible to convince him. Sometimes his tough character manifests itself much more to those around him: he demands unconditional submission to himself. A striking example of such a personality is Alex’s father from the film “Major Payne.” The demonstration of force in this case is expressed through assault. Unpleasant, of course, but bright.

Girls with a strong character

A tough type of character in girls can be formed for various reasons, ranging from psychological trauma received in childhood to unhappy love. As a rule, such a girl experiences discomfort at the thought of marriage, children and typically female household responsibilities. There are several reasons for this behavior from the point of view of psychologists:

A desire to challenge, a protest against generally accepted rules (for example, that every woman should find happiness in motherhood, be able to run a home and receive unearthly pleasure from it).
Thirst for power.
Attempts to attract attention.
A way to highlight your femininity.
A way to get a compliment.

Let's look at each point:

The protest has already been mentioned above, but let’s clarify it anyway. A strong girl wants to show that she is independent of a man, because the concepts of “independence” and “strength” have recently become equivalent. This impulse often conceals the partner’s reluctance to enter into a serious relationship with a girl or get married.
Power is the desire to be in charge in a relationship, to decide everything for two. But here’s the problem - the desire to do everything as one pleases does not coexist with the idea of responsibility for decisions made.
Attracting attention - a girl’s tough character can be a kind of motivator for action, which for the time being works, attracting men, forcing them to grow until it turns into arrogance. Such women begin to think something like this: “I’m too high for you.”
How can strength highlight weakness? A girl with a strong character can show a man that, despite all her strength, she needs support and support, and she will get it.
The way to receive a compliment is for a strong woman to believe that she is that way because she was told so. But in fact, a strong personality is always strong, regardless of whether someone sees it or not. Showing off strength is a sign of weakness.

How to develop a strong character

Character, from the Greek word "χαρακτήρα", was originally a term that referred to the marks imprinted on coins. Nowadays, character refers to the collection of all the qualities such as courage, truthfulness, loyalty and integrity that a person possesses. Character is perhaps the most important thing a person can have, as it defines the very essence of people. Developing stronger character means making yourself a more productive person within a particular area of interest or a particular profession. This article contains tips on how to develop stronger character and stronger moral discipline. 1. Know what makes character strong. Strength of character consists of the qualities that allow you to control your instincts and desires, control yourself, and have the ability to hold yourself back from the many temptations that you constantly encounter in everyday life. Moreover, strength of character is freedom from prejudice and stereotypes, and includes the ability to show and feel tolerance, love and respect for other people. .

2. Understand why strong character is important to you and especially to those around you:

Grit allows you the freedom to pursue your goals while building your resilience to failure. She helps you achieve your goals.

Having a strong character allows you to analyze and examine the reasons for failures, instead of simply complaining about them like other people do. Strong character gives you the courage to admit your shortcomings, frivolity and weaknesses. It allows you to withstand any changes in the situation and continue to move forward, regardless of obstacles.

3. Empathize. The most important step in developing strong character is to learn to empathize with other people, especially those weaker than you, and to love other people as you love yourself. This skill can cost you dearly, as you will have to carefully examine your motives in order to be able to empathize selflessly. Empathy differs from sympathy in that empathy requires your direct participation in the lives of others (enter the person's life and help them clear the path), while empathy involves an emotional but passive response without active participation and dedication.

4. Seek the truth. Prefer reason to ordinary emotions. A person with a strong character examines all the facts with his head and does not give in to prejudices and emotions. Resolve most questions only through reasoning and avoid the chaos of your feelings, understanding that despite the fact that “there is no dispute about taste,” reason should always win with the help of factual evidence and arguments.

5. Don't be a pessimist or an optimist; be a leader. The pessimist complains about the wind, the optimist waits for the end of the storm, and the leader rebuilds the sails and prepares them for any weather.

6. Beware of irrational impulses. Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas believed that there are seven human feelings: love and hate, desire and fear, happiness and sadness, and anger. While not bad in themselves, these emotions often overpower our intellect and cause us to indulge in the wrong things: overeating, being irrationally afraid of something, or letting sadness or anger consume us. In fact, the answer to any question can only be found in the rationality of decisions and in the practice of good habits aimed at freeing oneself from emotions. Excessive and sensual appetites are a sign of weak character, while the ability to withhold rewards and practice self-control indicate strength of character.

7. Be happy with what you have (don't imitate anyone). Appreciate your own strengths. Believing that the grass is always greener somewhere else will ensure you have a miserable life; remember that this is only a projection of your ideas about how other people live. It's better to concentrate on how you live.

8. Dare to take (calculated) risks. If you avoid battles, you deprive yourself of victory and all the benefits that come with them. Don't be cowardly, aloof or shy away from your responsibilities, but be courageous to make your contribution to humanity.

9. Reject any outside advice that contradicts what you have decided yourself. Every person is driven by their own interests, whether subconsciously or consciously. Don't force anyone to do what you want, but don't allow others to force their opinions on you. Understand and accept the fact that different people will give you different solutions to the same issue, and that you cannot please everyone. Find the right path and follow it, without turning right or left. Manage yourself and never stray from the right path.

10. Learn to do good and shun/avoid evil. Seek peace and strive for it sincerely. Pursue not personal goals that trample on the needs of other people, but noble and worthy motives that will benefit the whole society. If you pursue your personal goals, you will get involved in conflicts with other people and, in the end, you will definitely fail. If you work for the common good, everyone will benefit and you will be able to satisfy your personal goals at the same time.

11. Learn to control your emotions. Don't let anything other than common sense influence your daily decisions and actions. It may often be difficult, sometimes almost impossible, not to give in to emotions, but you can learn to suppress them and overcome them by relying on prudence and common sense.

12. Be neither wasteful nor stingy, but find a middle ground. The ability to find a middle ground is a sign of a strong character that can withstand extremes.

13. Always remain calm. Calmness is a state that allows you to concentrate and redistribute your divergent thoughts and meditate profitably. Thinking leads to ideas, ideas lead to opportunities, opportunities lead to success. Calmness is the sine qua non of a strong character. Without calmness there is no willpower. Without calm, desires can quickly ignite, turning into an invincible passion and hindering sound thinking. Calmness is not the enemy of emotions, but a regulating force that allows their correct expression.

14. Focus on the positive things in life and don't waste time on the negative things. One day a doctor, to whom a young girl came complaining of a variety of illnesses and praying for a cure, told her: “Don’t think about them; it is the most effective of all medicines.” Physical and mental pain can be weakened by one effort of will, directing thoughts in other directions, or strengthened by continuing to think about it.

15. Resist fatalism. Each person bears full responsibility for his own development and destiny. If you accept fatalism, that is, if you believe that fate is somehow predetermined and unchangeable, you will dissuade yourself from any attempt to improve your life and your character. Fate is blind and deaf; she will never hear or see us. It is better to remember that correcting mistakes and changing your own destiny for the better are the right steps towards developing a strong character and improving your life in general. Pursue your own happiness; don't wait for something or someone to bring it to you because it won't happen unless you are persistent.

16. Have patience - to enthusiastically set, pursue and achieve your goals, be they short-term or long-term: that is, to make progress (success). Success is progress, not a final destination. A person with strong character will not give up when he encounters obstacles on his way, but will persevere until the very end and overcome all obstacles. Learn to suspend gratification in life, learn to wait as you progress, and understand that time can be your friend, that it can be used to learn and grow. Also know which battles you should get involved in and when it is better to retreat; sometimes letting go means accepting the gift of life rather than clinging to a sinking ship.

17. Conquer all fears. Indecision is a serious obstacle to success. Do not allow prejudices based on superficial observations into your life, but accept facts that are based solely on common sense. Don't lay your foundation on sand, but rather build on solid rock. By overcoming fear, you will gain the strength of character that will allow you to think, make decisions, and act like a true winner.

18. Just as a gardener must clear the ground of weeds to allow his garden to grow, so you should eradicate all weak thoughts that, like weeds, undermine your strength. Beware of being overly emotional and give emotions only their true meaning. When you notice that you are tormented by some overwhelming emotion, immediately occupy yourself with something for fifteen minutes, preferably an hour. Many great warriors have lost their lives because they reacted too boldly to insults and went into battle too early against their offenders, without proper preparation, acting extremely hot-tempered and rash. Learn to overcome such weaknesses over time, remembering that anger is a common vice among people of weak character.

19. Practice calm, discretion, discernment and prudence in business. Develop logical thinking and use it in your work.

20. Be truthful in everything and in all aspects of life. If you are not truthful, you are lying, first of all, to yourself, and this will certainly affect your character.

21. Lastly, be the best you can be wherever you are and always try to do the best you can. Work hard and avoid idleness like the plague. At the same time, learn to appreciate good rest for its ability to restore your strength and inspire you to return to your good deeds every time.

Adviсe

Be disciplined and control yourself. Run away from bad impulses (including habits and actions that you will later regret) - and compulsive behavior that become habits and distort character.

Be a man of your word and avoid the temptation to lie; Honesty maintains strong character. Also learn to make decisions without fear.

Be happy. Happiness is health. Happiness gives you the strength to overcome monotony and get rid of boredom in life. It allows you to make the best of any situation. Happiness is a state of mind. According to observations, poor people smile much more often than rich people on Wall Street.

Exercise to build resilience. Mind and body are interconnected. Train your physical toughness to strengthen your mental toughness.

Be a good friend. Commit yourself to your friends and be willing to make sacrifices for them. Never hold a grudge or pay attention to minor incidents. Live in harmony with other people. Don't be selfish: always take other people's interests into account.

Source: WH

Why do men choose strong women?

Self-sufficient girls are a completely different matter, and this is their strength. They don’t need a man to be constantly at his skirt, they won’t control correspondence on social networks and ruin a man’s evening with endless calls. The lack of control makes them attractive, as well as several other reasons:

They are not afraid to speak out and always say what they really think.
They know how to solve problems independently and do not run away from difficulties.
They are confident in themselves and can defend their own opinions.
They are aware of their abilities and always strive for more, never stopping there.
They know how to listen to their interlocutor and find compromises. This quality is very helpful in business.
A strong girl is not a boring homebody with borscht. She is cheerful, active, always on the move. And it’s always interesting with her.
A strong girl will come out of any situation with dignity.

Hardness (Hard)

Rigidity (Hard) as a personality quality is the ability to put forward clear demands and achieve their unconditional fulfillment, to punish for the slightest mistake.

Rigidity is severity without love. Rigidity is the third component in the chain of qualities: severity - severity - harshness - cruelty - sadism - fanaticism. Severity is filled with love and manifests itself at the same time. Severity represents the ability to find a balance between love and loyalty to duty. In rigidity, only loyalty to the established rules and a sense of duty remained. Having lost love, she immediately acquired new vicious “friends.” In the society of virtues, her presence has become irrelevant, although from time to time she visits and closely communicates with the group of virtues. In a word, the nature of rigidity depends on whose manifested personality quality it is - for a vicious person it turns into a serious personal flaw, for a decent person it turns into a virtue.

There are situations in life when rigor and harshness do not work, and there is nothing left to do but resort to the services of harshness. The battalion commander's friend, and also a fellow countryman, chickened out during the attack, shot himself in the arm and remained in the trench. Alexander Beck in his novel “Volokolamsk Highway” describes this episode. In the battalion commander there was a fierce struggle between severity and harshness, but the latter prevailed: “I repeated the command: - For a coward, a traitor to the Motherland, a violator of the oath... separation... fire! Judge me! Once upon a time, my father, a nomad, was bitten by a poisonous spider in the desert. The father was alone among the sands, there was no one nearby except a camel. The venom of this spider is deadly. The father pulled out a knife and cut a piece of meat from his own body - where the spider had bitten. This is what I did now - I cut a piece out of my own body with a knife. I am human. Everything human screamed in me: “Don’t, have pity, forgive me!” But I didn't forgive. I am the commander, father. I killed my son, but hundreds of sons stood before me. I had to impress upon my souls with blood: there is no and there will be no mercy for the traitor! I wanted every fighter to know: if you are cowardly, if you cheat, you will not be forgiven, no matter how much you want to forgive.”

When it is necessary to restore order and discipline, to immediately stop indecent actions, harshness is taken into account. Rigidity is inappropriate if the person was unaware of the requirements that he was obliged to fulfill, if the possible consequences were not specified, or if the requirements themselves were inadequate and unrealistic to fulfill.

Rigidity is perceived by people as a forced necessity if they see that the person himself lives by the same rules and follows the same principles that he strictly demands to observe from others. In this situation, rigidity will be respected. In the film “Optimistic Tragedy,” a woman was sent to the ship by the command to serve as commissar. The rebellious sailor-rapist heads towards her and receives a bullet in the stomach: “Who else wants the commissar’s body?” There were no takers. Time passed, the sailors became convinced that toughness lived by the same rules as them, bravely fought in the same ranks with them, and began to respect it. If a person “pretends to be Madrid”, demands discipline from others, and he himself drinks and leads a riotous lifestyle, his rigidity will cause insubordination and resistance. In other words, the right to be tough must be earned through personal responsibility, integrity, organization and discipline. Toughness towards others begins with toughness towards oneself. Otherwise, she won't have any luck.

Cosa Nostra has raised some forms of rigidity into principles: - Never force your subordinates to do something that you do not understand or that you do not want to do. This suggests that if you are a leader, then show how to act by example. Who can blame you after this? A man is nothing without his word. Your word must be like a rock. Always keep your promises (never promise, I know your inner clowns are tempting you to make a promise). A minute of another person’s disbelief in you is a minute of him moving away from you.

A person with demonstrated toughness, as a rule, is self-confident and is capable of single-handedly performing actions that are incredible in their strength and scale. Being an excellent leader and a leader whom you want to follow, he will definitely lead people to their intended goal. Possessing a constancy of nature, he will lead and bring to a victorious end any task entrusted to him.

When it comes to toughness, the image of the marshal of victory, G.K. Zhukov, appears before our eyes. In critical days for Leningrad, when no one believed in its ability to resist the enemy’s armadas, Stalin sent Zhukov to the city. Zhukov's toughness always manifested itself in conjunction with determination, iron will, uncompromisingness and mercilessness. Realizing that the fate of the country depended on his actions, Zhukov harshly made it clear that thoughts about surrendering the city were criminal. Having stopped the idle talk of endless meetings and meetings, he promptly and without delay took up the defense of the city. “With the arrival of Zhukov,” recalled Air Chief Marshal A.A. Novikov, - we felt somehow more confident, calmer, and the work went more fun, clearer, more organized... And nothing special, it would seem, happened under Zhukov, the nature of our defense simply changed - it became more effective. Perhaps they would have done the same without him. The situation would have forced it anyway. But if this had happened later, less firmly and purposefully, without such rigidity and courage as Zhukov’s, and the proper result would not have been felt as quickly as was then required.” .

The toughness of the commander, who motivates the fighters to attack by personal example, becomes the highest law for them. In the same Volokolamsk Highway, the battalion commander is fighting for a village with superior enemy forces: “Nearby, someone screamed and wailed: “Oh, oh, mortal!” Oh, oh!.. The pained cry tugged at my nerves and took away my courage. Everyone imagined: now the same thing will happen to me, now a bullet will hit me, blood will spray out of my body, I will scream with a death cry. Yes, these terrible sobs made me shudder too: a cold creeped from my stomach to my throat, depriving me of my strength and taking away my will. I looked to where the screams were coming from. There he is, wounded, reclining in the snow, without a hat; fresh blood is smeared across the face; it flows from the chin onto the overcoat. What terrible white eyes he has: the orbits of the eyes have widened, the whites have become unusually large. And the Germans are coming... They are walking confidently, quickly, in full growth, crackling as they go with machine guns, which seem to be equipped with long fiery points that reach us - this is what continuously flying tracer bullets look like. And the wounded man keeps screaming. I ran up to him. I saw a face covered in blood and red wet hands close up. - Get down! Shut up! - Oh... - Shut up! Chew on a rag, chew on your overcoat if it hurts, but be silent. And he, an honest soldier, fell silent.”

Petr Kovalev Other articles by the author: https://www.podskazki.info/karta-statej/

Cruelty and strength

A tough character does not mean a strong character. As a rule, in rigidity a person drowns his weaknesses. A strong person has the will, the desire to reach the final goal. At the same time, he does not cause unnecessary cruelty, because he knows what pain is. A strong personality knows how to forgive, recognizing that every person has the right to make a mistake. She is able to look her fear in the eye and overcome it, look back and correct the mistake. A tough person lives in captivity of his resentment, childhood fears and complexes; for him, strength is the only way to show his abilities. A man’s strength lies in his ability to take responsibility for his life and the life of his family, keep his word, and help. Physical and moral rudeness have nothing to do with strength.

How to become strong in spirit and character

Strength of spirit and character is developed by a person personally. It is impossible to be born strong. However, it is quite possible to become a strong person. Moreover, you can develop strength at any age, and not just from childhood. It all depends on the strength of the desire to become strong and the willingness to make efforts to achieve what you want. By the way, this also allows a person to be strong.

So, tips:

Surround yourself with people who are also strong and positive. By constantly being in their company, you will be able to develop the desired qualities in yourself.
Don't be afraid of failures and problems. Any experience is positive because it enriches your knowledge and allows you to develop new skills. Don't be afraid of new situations, be afraid of not learning from your mistakes.
Have a clear picture of yourself. A person who does not know easily succumbs to the opinions of people around him. If you don't know what kind of person you are, it's easy to tell you what kind of person you are. Moreover, people will say what is beneficial to them, what they see, often without noticing the true state of affairs. That is, even those around you will make mistakes about you.
Create your own value system. Moreover, these values should be much more valuable and important for you than the opinions of other people, their attitude towards you and even the ability to deal with them.
Have your opinion on any issue. This shows that you are at least somehow familiar with the world around you and have thought about this or that issue. If you don't know something, admit it, but don't let others dictate your opinion. Take the position: “I didn’t know this before. I heard your opinion, now I’ll think about it, read information from other sources and make a decision on how to act/think in this situation.”
Learn from your mistakes. You do them not to feel sorry for yourself later or to blame yourself for something, but to understand what you should not do, which will allow you to change your behavior.
Don't be afraid of failures and troubles. Know how to respond adequately to what is unpleasant to you. Life won't always happen just what you want. Therefore, be able to endure any situation with dignity.
Experience your fears, but don't let them control you.
Prepare for negative outcomes of events. Of course, you shouldn't just think that something bad will happen. Just know that events may unfold in ways you don't like. Strive to achieve success, but don't get discouraged if you encounter negative consequences.
Think about the future, but live more in the present life. The future is about dreams and expectations. And fate is not obliged to send you what you want. You need to be aware of where and how you live now and what you need to do to achieve your desired future.
Take action. Weak people wait and are offended when their hopes are not met. A strong personality acts and creates his own future.
Accept the imperfection of the world. You will always encounter both bad events and good ones, both the pleasant qualities of others and the unpleasant ones. You live in a world that already has certain characteristics. And if they do not adapt to your desires and ideal ideas about the world, then this is your problem.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Weak people always find flaws in themselves and rely on them to tell others about them and encourage them to act in their place. A strong person knows both his shortcomings and his strengths. He uses all his qualities, does not spare himself, but tries to make himself even stronger and more perfect.

Don't get stuck in the past. A person becomes weak when he stops living in the present, but remembers more and more about the past, laments what happened or misses what was pleasant to him. A strong person uses the past only as an experience that shows what not to do and what to achieve. To live happily, it is not necessary to remember a pleasant past. It is possible in the present tense to create circumstances that will please a person. But for this you need to work and make efforts, which weak people do not like so much.

a lion

If you initially noticed a lion, this means that you know how to overcome difficulties on the way to a goal and solve problems. You are not afraid to stand up for your own opinions and what is important to you. Sometimes people around you say that you have a tough character, but in reality this is not the case, you just have inner courage. Don’t worry, you know how to love and will do anything for your loved ones, and the opinions of others should not bother you.