Denial period
Each of us has found ourselves in situations where we had to express our own opinion, defend our point of view and firmly say “no,” and everyone knows how difficult it can sometimes be to do this. Family is the most protected and comfortable place where, from early childhood, we learn the fundamental things of life, including how to fight back when someone attacks you. Recent studies have shown that children aged 2-3 years argue with their parents up to 20 times per hour! Oh, that “no” that constantly sounds from a child’s mouth for various reasons, be it food, a walk, sleep or even a game, and literally drives him crazy. When you once again hear from your baby the persistent “I’m not wandering!” or “No!”, then you involuntarily ask the question: “Maybe there is something wrong with the baby, or with me, or maybe we are raising him wrong, and on the basis of permissiveness and indulgence, we have grown the juicy fruits of stubbornness and whim? What should we do about it? There is nothing special or surprising about this, it’s just that the age has come when the baby asserts himself, sets boundaries for himself, tries his strengths and capabilities. It can be very difficult to maintain self-control and calm, and not quarrel with each other, accusing each other of being too soft or too strict.
The word “no” has different meanings: the baby may be offended by something, upset, or feel bad. Not every adult can explain the reason for his bad mood, or speak directly about it, but a child not only cannot, but simply does not know how, and has not yet learned. We must try to understand him, to understand what is happening to him, what is the reason for his protest and irritation. But most often, when a 2-3 year old toddler says “no,” he means “I myself.” Small tricks and techniques that have been tested in practice more than once will help you cope with the stubborn little one:
- Whenever possible, give your child the opportunity to make his own decisions. For example, consult with him about what shape of pies you will make, what vegetables you will put in the soup, what products to buy in the store, what paint to paint the walls. Thus, the little person has the opportunity to decide something.
- Do not demand anything categorically, and do not ask questions that can definitely be answered “No!” For example, instead of the question “Will you eat porridge?” ask “Which plate will you eat your porridge in: white or with patterns?” Instead of the requirement “We’ll wear a white dress with red polka dots to the matinee today!” suggest “Shall we pair white or red shoes with a polka dot dress?”
- Try, in the form of a game, to lead the child to a solution that will suit everyone. Here are the possible answers to some of the “I don’t want” questions.
“I don’t want to go home!”
You should not abruptly interrupt the child’s engrossed play and forcibly drag him home. Some time before the end of the walk, you should try to distract him and switch him to something interesting. If this is a pleasant ritual already familiar to the baby, then it will be much easier to do. For example, feed the birds, ride on dad's shoulders, etc.
"I do not want to play!"
Don’t insist, just start doing what interests you – building a house in a sandbox, or building a fortress from a construction set. After some time, the child will become interested and will definitely join you. Praise him for his support and slowly transfer the initiative into his hands.
"I do not want to sleep!"
It is necessary to put your baby to bed at the same time. Try talking to your child about relaxation from the perspective of a toy or fairy-tale character. It’s good if he himself acts as a dad or mom in relation to his favorite doll or soft toy, talks to her, and lulls her to sleep.
"Do not want to get up!"
Waking up can also be made a pleasant ritual. It’s good to quietly turn on beautiful music or your favorite cartoons, stroke the back, kiss the baby, whisper a familiar rhyme or song.
“I don’t want to eat!”
Diet, active movement and a ban on “grabbing from the table” and “snacks” contribute to a good appetite. If all family members sit down together at the dinner table, it will be difficult for the baby to resist trying what was put on the plate. Involve your little one in preparing for dinner, instruct him to arrange plates, lay out napkins, etc. And don’t forget to praise your little helper and note the best moments (how quickly and accurately he did everything) of his efforts.
Don’t force your child to do anything by force, loud screams won’t help much either, just be patient and be attentive, and then you will definitely find a “common language”.
If you force your child to do everything his own way, it will deprive him of all initiative, he will feel weak and helpless. It is not difficult to imagine that by imposing our will, we develop timidity and infantilism in him, and by protesting, he can become even more stubborn or even angry. Probably, your dream is not that, as an adult, he floats with the flow of life, he is controlled by everyone and everything. By resisting and saying “no,” the baby trains character, learns to be an individual with his own thoughts and feelings, and not one who obediently fulfills the requests of others. He will live as he himself wants, and not as he should according to someone else. Then, having matured, he will without hesitation say a firm “no” if someone offers participation in dubious adventures. Be creators and not doers of someone else’s will, help your child overcome this difficult step of formation and development on the ladder of life, and this will pay off handsomely in the future. All articles
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I'm an adult, consider me
The crisis of 4 years in a child begins to manifest itself when the baby realizes that he is separate from his mother; they are no longer a single whole. Now he is a person. He begins to understand that he had a past and can enthusiastically listen to stories about his little self again and again.
A child at four years old takes on the functions of an adult; he is happy to make comments to those who, in his opinion, are behaving incorrectly. At home, the “educator” also goes to all family members. The baby teaches and makes comments. If the mother explains to the baby that screaming is forbidden, but sometimes raises her voice, the baby will certainly react to such behavior with criticism, begin to scold, and say that this is wrong.
The 4-year-old crisis manifests itself in children in different ways. Much depends on the child’s temperament, environment, lifestyle, and individual characteristics. And some parents learn about age-related crises from friends’ stories and articles on the Internet (here, you’re lucky). Psychologists identify several signs:
- stubbornness, disobedience;
- inconsistency;
- resentment, isolation;
- prolonged hysterics.
Any request or suggestion from a parent may be counterbalanced. Children are capable of contradicting everything for a long time.
At four years old, the baby is usually more stable and calm. In some situations, problems in the behavior of a 4-year-old are a continuation of the crisis of 3 years. In others, negative manifestations of behavior appear due to certain reasons. Psychologists have identified several possible factors influencing children's behavior.
| Cause | What should parents do? |
| A sharp change in the usual environment: visiting a kindergarten, if the baby only started attending a preschool educational institution at the age of 4, adaptation problems | 1. Favorable and positive attitude of the parents themselves towards successfully attending a preschool institution. 2. Inform your child in advance that he will go to kindergarten. You can walk near the territory of the preschool educational institution and interest your child with stories. 3. Teach your child to do what the children in his group already know how to do: dress and undress independently, cut with scissors, roll plasticine balls, make simple appliques (all this can be learned in advance if you ask the teachers for help). |
| No change in activities, monotonous environment | For successful physical and mental development, 4-year-old children must move a lot and learn new things. The baby should have a clear routine. Long walks outside and activities at home are required: modeling, appliqué, drawing, cutting (various leisure activities). It is better to conduct classes in the first half of the day, lasting no more than 15-20 minutes. Invite your child to help, doing household chores together will be much more interesting, and the child will proudly brag about his successes. |
| Problems in relationships with peers | Some children at four years old find it difficult to find a common language with their peers due to their nature. Some take toys away from other children, while others give them up without complaint and move away from such relationships. Teach active kids to negotiate, and modest ones to enter into dialogue and defend their interests. Conduct a “debriefing” after unsuccessful incidents on the site when communicating with peers. Insist that the child say out loud a request, a refusal, or an offer to engage in a joint game. |
| Lack of attention from parents | The most common cause of a crisis at 4 years of age. It is the quality, not the quantity, of time that you devote to your baby that is important. Just being nearby is not enough, actively participate in games, activities, walks when you have a free minute. Sometimes you should sacrifice working time for the sake of the interests of your child. |
| Closedness, shyness | At 4 years old, the baby may be withdrawn and unconfident, and it is difficult to speak. Age-related speech problems can be resolved through sessions with a speech therapist or speech pathologist. Uncertainty can be overcome using the following techniques:
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