Author of the article: Naumenko Alexandra Igorevna Family psychologist, child psychologist. Practical work experience: 8 years.
Do you remember what it was like when you were a child? Emotions and feelings were turned on to the fullest, joy seemed off scale, grief seemed inconsolable. There were so many important things in life: the weather, a bicycle, a best friend, lizards in the grass, apples on a tree. Most people lived life most fully in childhood, felt emotions, and enjoyed every day.
Now let's look at the present moment. Apathy, fatigue, lack of sleep - unfortunately, these are constant companions of modern man. So the answer to the question of why a person stops experiencing emotions is stress. It can be either chronic, that is, accumulated, or eventful, one-time, when some large-scale shock occurs in a person’s life (death of a loved one, loss of a job, illness, etc.). But what to do if you don’t feel any emotions, now we’ll try to figure it out.
Signs of a lack of emotion
To understand how to start feeling emotions again, you first need to realize that you don't feel them. It sounds funny, of course, but in reality many people get so used to living in a gray world without any feelings that they don’t remember what it’s like to be happy, sad, angry, surprised and afraid. Not only positive emotions disappear, but also negative ones, which, however, are also important for the full functioning of our nervous system.
So, you have stopped feeling emotions if:
- life does not bring you joy, every day is boring for you;
- you perform all actions automatically;
- you don’t understand what you want, you don’t know what could bring you pleasure;
- you suppress your dissatisfaction with life with bad habits (overeating, alcohol, cigarettes, etc.);
- It’s hard for you to get rid of obsessive thoughts and states.
All of the above indicates that you have disabled the perception of your own feelings. You are in a low energy state, perhaps even depressed. Fortunately, this is not a death sentence. It is normal to not feel emotions and feelings after stress and during chronic, prolonged stress. But you need to get out of this state as soon as possible.
How to get your emotions back
So what to do if you stop feeling emotions? First you need to understand exactly what method of turning off emotions your psyche has chosen. The fact is that the human psyche is a complex and wise structure, therefore, if there is an excess of negative feelings, it can turn off unpleasant (and along with them pleasant) sensations in different ways, so that overload does not occur, and you can somehow function and survive, albeit bleakly.
There are two most common scenarios in which you stop feeling emotions:
1. Emotional burnout. This phrase is already familiar to many and means that for a long time your nervous system has been overloaded. Yes, yes, these are the consequences of that same chronic stress that slowly but surely leads to sluggish depression. “I don’t feel emotions,” says a person who is too tired of living and doing things. In this state, you usually have to do everything through “I can’t”, because with your mind you still understand why you need to go to work, play sports, meet with friends and improve in any activity, but your strength is becoming less and less.
2. State of affect after severe stress. Sometimes life can be cruel, none of us are ready for the loss of a loved one, bankruptcy, or the loss of something important. When something like this happens, the psyche urgently cuts off the ability to feel emotions and goes into energy-saving mode. In such cases, if the personality is not too hardened by difficulties, the person may not see the meaning of his existence. And if, with emotional burnout, you can float through life without desire, but still perform the necessary minimum of actions for survival, then here we can already talk about severe clinical depression. A person begins to lie in bed all day long, or play computer games, or even spend all his days drinking a bottle, not caring at all about his food, his health, or his loved ones.
How do people deliberately deprive themselves of positive emotions and what does this lead to?
Each person lives in his own little world. And so small that only members of his family and closest friends “fit” in there. Ultimately, an individual does not care at all about other people. That is why, having met thousands of faces today, you did not pay attention to anyone. Your thoughts were completely immersed in your problems and aspirations.
But everyone lives like this, you say. What's unusual here? To answer this question, let’s return to the category “happiness.” So why is a person happy?
It's actually simple:
1. A person is happy when he receives. 2. And happy when he gives.
Do not agree? Then remember how you felt the last time you gave someone a gift. Were you happy at that moment? And vice versa, when you were given something from the bottom of your heart. Have you also experienced a feeling of joy? But these examples are too vivid. I can give you a simpler example.
Recently, in a local store, I was looking for gouache paints for my child. The choice turned out to be quite large, and it was difficult for me to sort it out. I called out to the seller without any hope that they would be able to tell me something useful. To my surprise, the young girl who approached me was very knowledgeable about paints. She easily explained to me the difference in the product line and suggested what was best to choose.
I was interested in listening to her, and I told her: “How great your understanding of paints is! To do this you need to have special knowledge. You probably graduated from art school?” The girl was a little embarrassed, and then answered that I was right. And you should have seen her smile! A real sincere smile of joy. She seems to have fond memories of that school. I touched a chord in her soul. In addition, everyone is pleased to hear something good about themselves. And I was talking about her! It’s unlikely that she was used to hearing things about herself from customers in the store (nasty things don’t count). We talked a little more and parted in high spirits. Both.
We draw a conclusion. The situation is clear. I acted as the giving side. Giver of gratitude. At the same time, there weren’t even any compliments from me. I just said what I think. But I think sincerely. That girl acted as the host. Receiving gratitude. And this gratitude was pleasant to her precisely because of its sincerity and genuineness. The result is that both sides were happy.
What am I getting at? Moreover, by completely immersing yourself in your problems and ceasing to notice those around you, you deprive yourself of positive emotions. Constantly being “in yourself”, you no longer see that someone very close to you needs your help. And this someone, looking at you, immediately determines that it is useless to contact you, since you are “on your own.” Very often people are embarrassed to ask for help because they are afraid of being refused. And help sometimes consists of simple things - giving directions, reading a label in a store, etc. All these actions do not require any significant energy expenditure from you, but at the same time they return to you with the energy of gratitude.
And one more important point. This may sound paradoxical, but the joy of the giver is always a little greater than the joy of the recipient. And you can give not only gifts. Try to give emotions, compliments, a good mood. The value of such gifts is no less than real ones. And sometimes even higher.
Have you ever had a situation when someone gave you a gift, but you felt the giver was insincere? Agree, there is no joy at all from such a gift. Even if it itself is expensive. Most likely, you felt like you owed something to the donor. So it turns out that the thing itself does not bring joy or brings very little joy. The emotions of the donor are much more important.
When people withdraw into their own little world and stop noticing those around them, they begin to experience an acute shortage of positive emotions. And emotions are a kind of “fuel” for a person’s mental functioning. A person cannot be completely without emotions. He doesn't have enough positive ones. This means that negative emotions will replace it. And what? A holy place is never empty.
Have you noticed that people have become extremely irritable lately? Aggression can be provoked by the most harmless act. Why is this happening? Yes, because of lack of love! Due to lack of positive emotions. Looking at people through this prism, it will be easier for you to understand them and not “flare up” over trifles.
Yesterday I had this situation at work. One of our counterparties, an individual entrepreneur, calls me on the phone. Still quite a young woman. And he literally immediately starts yelling at me. They say our organization made a mistake and it went berserk because of it. I listened to her nervous response very carefully. She became more and more angry. There’s so much I haven’t heard about our company.
But I had no desire to start being rude to her in response or to somehow cool her ardor. I spoke to her very politely and friendly. I was surprised at myself - does her impudent tone really not offend me at all? It turned out that not at all! One can only feel sorry for this woman. She is deeply unhappy. There is no question of any harmony in the family here. Nobody just loves her.
But something else is worse. The problem itself, which provoked such an inadequate reaction, can, in fact, be solved with one phone call in three minutes. And no hassle. Nevertheless, this woman brought herself to a state of insanity with this trifling matter, directed the destructive energy of aggression towards herself and deprived herself of the opportunity not only to think sensibly, but also to simply enjoy life. Is the fee too high?
Any aggression is a charge of negative energy. And there is nothing creative in this energy. On the contrary, aggression destroys a person. First of all, it affects his health. Deprives you of joy and good mood.
When someone unleashes their anger on you and tries to create anger in you in return, ask yourself a simple question: “Is this person worth being upset about and wasting your energy on?” If the answer is no, then don't let yourself get out of balance. Your abuser is actually in dire need of love. He misses her like air. But he himself does not realize this and/or never admits it to himself. One can only feel sorry for him.
Don't rob yourself of happiness. Give not only your loved ones, but other people around you your warmth and positive emotions. And don't be afraid to give too much away! Good deeds from the bottom of your heart will come back to you a hundredfold. After all, you already know that the reward of the one who gives is greater than the reward of the one who receives!
Tags: gratitude, goodwill, psychology of communication, emotions, positive emotions
The way out of the emotional hole
Stage one. Contact a specialist
If you are already in a bad low-energy state, then you need the help of a professional, or maybe medicinal “crutches” for your psyche. So it’s best to sign up for a session with a psychologist or even a psychotherapist who will give the necessary recommendations. Well, even just speaking out, and, if you’re lucky, finally crying at the reception is already a huge relief.
Stage two. Establishing a daily routine and routine
Many people neglect proper nutrition, do not rest as much as they need, forcing their body to work for wear and tear. But people are not robots, and our bodies require certain care: nutrients, quality sleep, hardening.
To start feeling emotions, eat right: try to make your menu balanced and varied. Your table should include meat and fish dishes, vegetables, fruits, dairy and fermented milk products, nuts and dried fruits. And less fast carbohydrates - they give only a temporary boost in energy, and when it drops sharply, you feel even worse.
Play sports. Yes, despite the lack of strength. If you manage to overcome yourself in this matter, you will improve your will, get positive changes in your appearance, and improve your health. Everywhere you look there’s a lot of benefit. But the main thing is that after some time you will really get involved and begin to get a real buzz from the classes.
Get enough sleep. Give your body enough sleep, don't spend half the night on the Internet in vain attempts to escape from reality. Decide what time you will go to bed and get up, and stick to it. Within a couple of weeks you will notice how much better you feel.
Stage three. Getting to know yourself
If we relieved stress through the first two stages, now is the time to reacquaint ourselves with our emotions. So the first thing you have to do is allow yourself to feel. You can even draw a manifesto poster “I allow myself to feel.”
Second, keep a diary of emotions, in which throughout the day you note your reactions to certain situations. Each week, review your past entries and notice the expansion of your emotional range.
Third, at least once a week, delight yourself with new impressions, activities that break the usual home-work-home pattern. Do you love art? Go to a museum. Interested in dancing? Attend an introductory dance studio class. Come up with and write yourself a plan for the month that you will follow if you suddenly lack inspiration.
Symptoms of euphoria
Euphoria is quite difficult to recognize. Basically, it is mistaken for joy and happiness. In any case, even if a person understands that he is experiencing a feeling of euphoria, this does not make him puzzled by his condition, since people do not perceive this feeling as capable of causing harm to health.
However, in order to recognize euphoria, it is worth familiarizing yourself with its symptoms:
- Calmness and feeling of joy.
- Peace and lingering complacency.
- A feeling of boundless happiness.
- Positive reaction to external influences.
Many people compare euphoria to ecstasy. Ecstasy is essentially also heightened positive emotions, but more short-term. Euphoria is distinguished precisely by its duration and it is precisely this duration that carries danger. Therefore, if you notice that a person close to you has been radiating happiness and joy for a long time, then take a closer look at him.
Elevated mood can also be recognized by its physical manifestations. Among them it is worth mentioning such as:
- rapid pulse;
- slow body reactions;
- increased blood pressure.
Euphoria also carries with it negative mental symptoms:
- The feeling of being in another reality, that is, confusion. It seems to a person that he constantly experiences a feeling of “déjà vu”. If at first this may arouse interest or the person simply does not pay attention to “déjà vu,” then over time he will begin to experience discomfort that can develop into paranoia.
- Contrived experiences. Increased anxiety, fears and depression may occur. If at first a person feels a sharp attack of joy, then after some time the euphoria may subside and then everyday problems may be perceived as something insurmountable. Don’t think that euphoria always leaves behind a joyful aftertaste. There are often situations when after it a person falls into a prolonged depression.
However, in fairness, we note that euphoria sometimes manifests itself in positive signs:
- clarity of mind and speed of reactions;
- overflowing with energy and vigor;
- thirst for active action.
The duration of euphoria directly depends on the cause of its occurrence. If it appeared for natural reasons, then the “attack” of acute joy will last no more than half an hour. But if euphoria is a consequence of artificial causes (alcohol, drugs), then it can last from half an hour to several hours, depending on the amount of drugs used.
