Ivan Vdovin
947 1 0
If you have been cheated on, it means you feel broken, depressed, and most importantly, you feel betrayed. Right? Probably the most negative feeling in a relationship is being disappointed. When you live with a person, you trust him and love him, and then once and for all, it’s like a sickle to the heart. But the question is, how to forgive your wife’s betrayal? And in general, is it possible to do this in order to find peace and happiness in the soul?
The main reason for betrayal
The main reason for betrayal is in our past. In those primitive times, the female had to constantly bear offspring for the survival of the entire tribe. Moreover, survival was the most important goal. What can we say, if only 100 years ago families had 10-14 children, 4-6 of whom only survived. And in the prehistoric period, danger could come not only from predators, but also from other competing tribes.
Help in resolving difficult experiences, breakups, etc. Negative emotions are easy to work through. Come in!
Therefore, the female fought for the best genes for her offspring, trying to be fertilized by the strongest and most agile, the one who brings more food and resources, which means her offspring will definitely have a chance to survive.
After thousands of years, the program laid down by nature has not changed. Apart from the fact that the resource now is money, connections and success of the male. It turns out that the girl initially conquers one male, whom she considers the main contender for the role of the best genes for her offspring.
But in modern society, thanks to the Internet, television and other media, a girl sees that her man is not so good and turns out to be the best. There are other males with whom you can conceive an even stronger child. And most importantly, this male has more resources than my current one. Therefore, interest arises and I want to try, what if I find greater happiness for myself and my offspring?
Perhaps you will not agree with my reasoning, saying that I am justifying the girls. But scientists have long established that our brain has undergone a long evolution from animals to modern humans. And to simplify life, nature laid down its own method of reproduction. She doesn’t care at all about our emotions, that we were abandoned, cheated on, betrayed, and all the negative emotions that we feel. Its main task is to prolong the human race. Like a conveyor belt.
Love is like glue that binds the untied.
Other people will ask, what about love? Well, what is love and is it eternal? Let's look again from nature's point of view. Love is just an emotion that arises in our brain, due to the injection of the hormone of happiness, at the sight of the object of love. And then nature took care of us. Thanks to love, those people who are absolutely opposite to each other interbreed. And diversity of genetic material is the main motive for nature to make strong offspring.
Read more: What is a long distance relationship?
You've probably met people, looking at whom you don't understand how they got together if they are completely opposite to each other. While the hormones of happiness are in their blood like a drug, they don’t notice it.
I in no way condone cheating and so on. I just look at everything from a different point of view. After all, if you understand the cause, then there will be another consequence. And with this new information, you can make a decision: to forgive or reject your girlfriend.
And I don’t recommend putting all girls under the same brush: “Women only need money,” there are those who really love and their spiritual development is higher than the natural wisdom of procreation. There are few such girls, but there are more and more of them.
Video on the topic of female infidelity
My woman doesn't cheat on me, I cheat on her myself
There is a category of men who cheat on their woman left and right, and after they find out that their young lady has cheated on them, they begin to spread rot, humiliate her and get angry, sometimes even to the point of assault. Some men truly believe that their female is their property and they can do whatever they want. Is this behavior normal? From the point of view of society, no, from the point of view of nature, it doesn’t matter, the main thing is to multiply.
I am sure that men are like a pack of lions, there is one leader and several females around him. And such men want a similar harem. Although there is another opinion of mine, that this is just a lack of maternal love in childhood. And so he searches and searches and searches. But he's unlikely to find it. If you have such a problem, write to me in the contacts section, here you need to work on your inner child.
So, is it fair that a man can cheat, but a woman cannot? I think no, and it’s not in good conscience.
How to forgive your wife's betrayal and move on with your life
I think the most normal and adequate option is not to present, not to get angry and not to blame each other for everything, husband and wife are one Satan, but to just talk. Find out the reasons for the betrayal, discuss the further development of the relationship. If there are children, then what should you do with the children, are you ready to leave or is there still an opportunity to forgive.
I understand, it’s simple for me now, I don’t feel all this betrayal in my soul, disappointment and misunderstanding. Although I can advise you to drive away your emotions through this technique:
✅Guide to changing yourself .pdf
Techniques for removing negative emotions
Having driven away all negative emotions, you will be able to soberly assess the scale of the problem and solve them without chopping unnecessary wood. The most interesting thing is that all feelings after learning about the betrayal are easily processed and complete balance and understanding comes. And also a man easily forgives his girlfriend. But the girl understands everything perfectly and will never change it again. Even from such bad situations, sincere relationships happen.
Is it possible to survive betrayal and forget?
Cheating on your spouse is stressful for your husband .
It is immediately difficult to understand and evaluate the motives for an action. It seems that the whole world has turned upside down, a loved one has betrayed, and there is no justification for this.
Is it possible to survive this? Yes, it's not easy at first. There is a feeling of anger, indignation, resentment. You don't want to understand, you can't forgive. This is the first stage of reaction to a situation of betrayal; all people go through it.
After time it becomes easier. Much depends on how the spouses resolved this situation, whether they talked, and whether they found out the motives for the action.
Often both partners are to blame for what happened - the woman who decided to cheat and the husband who did not see the signals that later led to the act.
It is possible to survive betrayal. First of all, this is work on your own condition . If depression occurs, you need to fight it. If anger and aggression are ready to spill out, you need to find a way to stop so as not to harm yourself and other people.
The main thing in this question is whether you are ready to forgive and forget about what happened, whether you are ready to trust again. It is important to understand that the relationship will no longer be the same. The love that was before will not return.
No matter how hard you try to forget, the accomplished fact will forever remain in your memory. Yes, the brightness of the event will be erased, emotions will become weaker.
You may never talk about it again, and the betrayal will never happen again. However, a slight mistrust between you will remain , and your wife will have a feeling of guilt.
A strong couple is able to survive the fact of betrayal, learn from it and not make similar mistakes again. But everything depends on both spouses, their sincere desire to maintain and improve the relationship .
How to survive your spouse's betrayal? Psychologist's opinion:
How to forgive your wife's betrayal - advice from a psychologist
At one time I attended a seminar where the topic of relationships and especially betrayal was revealed. There were about 100 people in the hall, approximately half girls and half men. The coach asked people to close their eyes and asked people in the room if cheating on a partner is the end of a relationship? Only 20-25% raised their hands. That is, we conclude that betrayal for 75% of people is not the end of a relationship, which means the situation can be resolved, understood and forgiven.
Read more: Relationships without obligations, what is it?
But how to do that? Just talk to each other, without scandals or complaints. Express all your thoughts and arguments, listen to your opponent, and it will be clear what to do in such a difficult situation. I will explain why I am writing for the second time, to speak out. If you break up, then the understatement will greatly and for a long time disturb your soul. You will blame yourself, thinking that you should have acted differently, but then I was afraid to say. And everything is in the same vein.
Your feelings for your wife are stronger than resentment
Every person can stumble. And now I do not justify the woman’s actions. Look at your attitude towards her and the family as a whole from the outside. At the very beginning, you were ready to move mountains just to see the smile on your beloved’s face. And now:
- home-work-home-work-meeting with friends on weekends. When was the last time you went somewhere together? A woman needs to feel desired and loved. And your round-the-clock work is not an indicator for her. This is important, but she needs you to look at her with the same loving eyes as you did at the beginning of the relationship.
- Sex is only on holidays. They say sex dies in marriage. Well, think logically, you are healthy people and you don’t want each other?! In marriage, sex becomes brighter and more interesting. When you are open and not shy about talking about your desires, the thrill of such fucking only increases. It’s clear that squeezing your wife three times a day won’t work. But sex should be in your life on a regular basis.
A woman needs to be wanted and fucked! And if you don't do it, sooner or later someone else will do it. She could simply be driven by her desire to feel desired and sexy again.
If you understand that you will not be happy without this woman, try to forgive. It will be hellishly difficult, but possible. Change your attitude towards her and you will see how she will transform. Perceiving your wife as a friend, ally and all that is the very last thing a real man can do.
If you are 100% focused on preserving the relationship, but there is resentment and anger, what to do?
If you have decided to save your family, then the hardest part is over. All that remains is to remove all the hidden emotions that prevent you from communicating comfortably with your woman. There are different methods for this, for example, like the one I posted above or this:
Technique for neutralizing emotions
If you need a quick and powerful solution to a problem, then write to me, we will work through all the negative emotions and lay down a new life scenario. With happiness, without betrayal and complete trust in each other.
Male self-esteem
Tell me, after you found out about the betrayal, how much did your self-esteem suffer? Did she fall hard? If she fell strongly, there is a chance that you want to end this relationship as quickly as possible, regardless of the circumstances. Even children are not a hindrance.
A man will not be able to respect himself if his self-esteem has suffered. And it will no longer be comfortable to communicate with his woman from a position below that he was dumped. The good news is that self-esteem is easy to boost and you can get back on track.
It’s another matter if a man’s self-esteem is all right, and he is as confident as possible, he can treat betrayal with humor, like “well, cool, now it’s my turn,” and have fun with a calm soul. Moreover, he will do this not from a position of revenge, but as a kind of game.
I talked with swingers, they have the strongest relationships, because they don’t have complexes about their partner’s sex with another. I do not justify them in any way, I simply believe that the root of a strong family should be sought not in love, but in trust in each other. Sorry for giving such an example - it's just an observation.
✅Guide to changing yourself .pdf
How to act for a man who cannot forgive
Many men cannot forgive cheating, but wives usually cheat not for the sake of sex as such, but because of problems in communication and mutual understanding with their husbands. If a man does not accept the fact of his guilt, it means that he values the relationship doubtfully, and there is no point in continuing it.
Physical infidelity does not mean that the spouse has fallen out of love. Most likely, this whole situation makes her suffer no less. It is important to try to understand whether this is actually the case. After all, if a person sincerely repents, and the causes of the offense are eliminated, then the likelihood of its repetition in the future is reduced to zero, which means it will be much easier to forgive.
It’s a completely different matter if a woman cheats because she’s fallen out of love. Here the question is no longer whether it is worth forgiving or not, but whether it is necessary to continue this relationship at all. If a marriage has already outlived its usefulness, then there is no point in holding on to it - it will bring even more pain and suffering. There is nothing good in living side by side with a person who literally makes you sick.
Important addition
The other day I watched the program “On Knives” on the Friday TV channel. And there was a story about a husband and wife running a restaurant, but the husband went to the left and was caught doing it. His wife seemed to have forgiven him, but inner anger constantly took revenge on him and hated him. So, if you decide to forgive, then forgive completely, if you cannot forgive, end the relationship.
conclusions
As I wrote above, if a man is doing well with his self-esteem, he will calmly justify his young lady and continue to live. Most likely, sexual games in terms of betrayal will continue. I don’t even know whether to consider this a perversion, but there are a lot of such couples and they live their own lives.
Another option is that upon learning about the betrayal, the girl will actually develop a strong feeling of guilt, and she will sincerely repent and in most cases will no longer allow herself to go to the left of the man. There is a chance to improve relationships and move on in peace.
The saddest scenario is when grievances, anger, anger at each other have accumulated and for any reason everything begins to spill out with the goal of making a mess and taking revenge. This kind of relationship is completely over, it’s just that the character is different and, as I wrote above, it’s just nature, through the mechanism of love, united two people who are clearly not suitable for each other. It's better to end this relationship.
Thank you for reading my article on how to forgive your wife for cheating, I expressed my vision of the situation and tried not to take either side, it will be better. If you have any questions regarding working through negative emotions, read this article and then write to me.
Thank you readers for your ratings and reposts!
Please excuse my ERRORS in the text, unfortunately I am a great specialist in psychology, not in literacy)) Sign up for consultations now, I will be happy to help you find happiness in life! Cost 5000-2500 rubles per consultation . Also read reviews about my work. Download now the guide to changing yourself.
Your relationship will become...different
I cannot say that after your wife cheats, your relationship will become stronger and brighter or a million times worse. But you definitely won’t be able to continue living as before. What will this give you both:
- You will be able to express to each other all the crap that has been accumulating in you for years.
Imagine, maybe you always wanted to spank your wife, but then it turned out that it was BDSM that she needed in your bed.
- In the process of talking and breaking dishes, you will remember why you fell in love with each other. Your wife will definitely encourage you to remember the details of your meeting. You will be able to restore the chronology of your relationship and find the reason.
If you can’t do this on your own, contact a family psychologist. At his sessions you will definitely find what threw your wife into the arms of someone else's dick.
- You will build a completely new model of family relationships. Yes, at first there will be constant paranoia and surveillance on your part, but by changing your attitude towards a woman, you will see how prettier she is. And all this trash will disappear as unnecessary.
