Signs by which you can tell that a person does not want to communicate

Every year, humanity complains more and more about the fact that it lacks communication. People have come up with many ways to combat loneliness. But the problem still remains acute. The saddest thing in this story is that the person feels lonely surrounded by a huge number of people. Unfortunately, the situation is not changing for the better. Experienced specialists suggest finding out why this happens.

Loneliness among people

It’s very strange to hear, but most of all, it’s those who live in a huge metropolis who really lack communication. It has been noticed that residents of small villages do not have such problems, since they have known each other since childhood and, in fact, live as one big family. When, after graduating from school, a guy or girl decides to enter a university in a big city, they very quickly find friends and like-minded people.

First of all, this happens because the same visitors as themselves live in the hostel. And only after graduation can these people truly understand that they lack communication (if during this time they fail to acquire a family or real friends).

A radically opposite situation arises with residents of a big city. They live in their own apartments and have little contact with each other (some don't even know their neighbors). When the period of graduation and growing up comes, a lack of communication appears. Everyone is running about their business, solving private problems and not paying attention to anyone. This is how it turns out that a person remains lonely even when he has many acquaintances.

Need for prestige

In communication, we often seek recognition of our abilities, admiration, and positive assessment from another person. If we don’t get what we expect, we feel disappointed, upset, and sometimes even become aggressive. If you attach great importance to this need, you can lose many friends, because they will quickly feel that you only expect praise from them and are not interested in communication as such, and are not interested in their life. For harmonious communication, it is important to be able to manage your needs.

Types of communication deficits

American psychotherapist Eric Berne in the middle of the last century called the lack of communication hunger. And this is fraught. According to his theory, a person who lacks communication can develop severe forms of mental illness. Modern scientists also agreed with Berne and identified the main types of communicative hunger. Let's take a closer look.

Types of lack of communication:

Hunger for stimulation. This is a lack of verbal communication when a person is forced to be alone for some time. Eric Berne has proven that even a few days of complete isolation can lead to negative changes. And the more time a person spends alone, the worse the manifestation of changes will be. This problem is especially relevant for parents who do not pay enough attention to their children or simply leave them in the maternity hospital. Most often, in adulthood such a person will not be able to fully adapt to society.
Hunger for recognition. A person experiences this feeling when he finds himself in a foreign place. He is surrounded by many people, but he does not see familiar faces, so he cannot contact them. This is especially felt when moving to another country, where the lack of communication is aggravated by the lack of knowledge of the language. As a result of the hunger for recognition, deep depression can develop.
Hunger to satisfy the needs for quality communication. We are talking about formal relationships at work or in any official field of activity. The question arises why there is not enough communication if you can contact your colleagues. The answer is obvious: a person has no friends or like-minded people, and formal dialogues and cold phrases do not allow one to fully enjoy simple live relationships.
Hunger for events. This type is characterized by a situation where people work in the same team and gradually begin to get bored with the monotony and lack of variety. They come up with imaginary incredible events, weave intrigues, and spread gossip. This situation is not exemplary, but it is necessary for men and women (equally) for psychological release.
Hunger for recognition. This situation is familiar to almost all people, since everyone strives to get their own piece of worthy appreciation. Only for each individual the dimensions and criteria of this recognition differ significantly. An example is a famous artist who was popular in his youth, but later became forgotten by everyone. Sometimes people with similar ambitions lose their health or become victims of addictions.

Types of communication needs

Human needs are primary and secondary. No one can go too long without food, rest or sleep. People who find themselves in such a catastrophic situation will soon simply die. The inability to fulfill necessary social needs is not so tragic and does not lead to death, but it has a very negative impact on the psyche and worsens psychological health. In such a state, a person may become less demanding of himself, appear indifferent and unwilling to maintain the good physical condition of his own body.

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The motives for the need for communication can be different - selfish or generous, noble, and can complement each other.

The expressed need for communication is called affiliation. This desire is especially pronounced in moments of anxiety, impending danger, and an acute feeling of loneliness. It also means that a person needs friendly and trusting relationships, he wants to be in the company of other people who are positively disposed towards him.

Individual need for communication

The communication needs of even one individual can vary greatly and can include the following types, such as:

Recognition of a person as a strong personality. Those around him must confirm his belief that he is unique and inimitable, and is successfully realizing his creative potential.
Dominance. The individual tries to actively influence the views and lifestyle of other people and control their behavior. The need can only be satisfied if the situation begins to change in the right direction. The desire for dominance is significantly complicated by such circumstances as the relationship between two dominant personalities, since frequent conflicts are possible in their communication. Driven people have no desire to dominate, and this causes unproductiveness in their work or activities.
Prestige. This craving can only be satisfied by a high public assessment or recognition of the importance of a person for a separate social group, cooperative or organization. Under the influence of his authority, decisions and motives of people's behavior change.
Caring for another person. The realization of such a need helps to develop a serious attitude towards life. Promotes the formation of character traits such as humanism and selflessness.
Need for help from other people. A request made or demonstrated in any other way obviously implies acceptance of intercession, assistance or support. This brings moral satisfaction to the person who responded to it. Refusal in this situation is undesirable.

The main factors in the process of satisfying communication needs are the motivational aspirations of the individual. Also the implementation of plans and intentions.

Thirst for change

There is a situation when a person outwardly looks successful, because he has many acquaintances, a normal job, and smooth relationships with close people. In this case, where does the annoying thought come from: “There is not enough communication, what should I do?” Very often the reason for this state lies on the surface: the person is overcome by elementary boredom. Monotonous life, constantly flashing faces, monotonous work lead to the idea of a lack of communication. Everything is so boring that I don’t even want to talk to anyone.

In this case, it is recommended to change the situation. Maybe it’s worth finding a different place to live, new friends, and inventing a new hobby. Any changes will be beneficial, since new information will appear, and the old problem will disappear forever.

Attention deficit

Some individuals lack communication with people due to a lack of basic attention. One person is content with communicating with a narrow circle of close people, while another lacks round-the-clock contact with a large audience. He constantly craves new acquaintances and dreams of compliments, applause and admiration addressed to him. This is an absolutely normal situation, since all people have different temperaments. Those who lack recognition must change their lives so that they can become the center of attention. A smart decision would be to enroll in a drama school, take personal lessons, excel in your hobbies, attend more parties or organize them at home.

Goals and functions of communication

Definition 1
Communication is the process of establishing and developing contacts between people, generated by the needs of joint activities.

Need is the mental state of an individual and is defined as a state of need in specific conditions.

For development, a person needs special conditions that can be provided by society and other people, and socialization, like any human activity, is impossible without communication.

Communication is a purely human need and is formed from the desire of people to cooperate.

The motives for the need for communication can be mutually exclusive and complementary - from selfish to selfless.

People's need for communication, the desire for cooperation, and friendship is called affiliation, which manifests itself in the desire to contact other people.

Affiliation is especially characteristic of people with high anxiety, who very often follow the lead of others and fall into a state of frustration.

Some features of human needs are highlighted:

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objectivity of origin;
historical character;
dependence on practical activities;
social conditioning.

The needs are diverse - this includes the preservation of the human species, the need for some kind of activity, the need for freedom, work, knowledge, etc.

The following types of needs are distinguished in communication:

The need to be individual. The meaning of this comes down to the fact that each person wants to establish such a relationship in which on the face of the interlocutor one can “read” recognition of his uniqueness, uniqueness, and unusualness;
The need for prestige. This need is satisfied when, during contact, a person receives recognition of his personal qualities, when he hears positive assessments addressed to him. In case of failure, a person begins to seek recognition in communicating with people who tend to evaluate him positively. This is an exaggerated need and its result can be the loss of friends and complete loneliness;
The need for dominance. The essence of the need is the desire to actively influence the way of thinking of another person, his attitudes, behavior and tastes. This need can only be satisfied when a person’s behavior or situation changes under our influence. The relationship between two dominant people or two slaves can be extremely tense. For driven individuals, joint activities may be unproductive, and for dominant individuals, there are frequent conflicts;
The need to care for another person. Such a need, when realized, brings great satisfaction and gradually forms altruism and philanthropy;
The need for assistance involves accepting this help from a person and, being accepted, it brings great satisfaction to the one who provided it. Refusing help can be perceived negatively.

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Note 1

Satisfying needs is a complex process that includes a number of stages - the main ones being motivation and implementation of activities.

Bad habits

Usually there is not enough live communication for those who have bad habits. This problem is especially relevant for people who depend on a computer. Constantly spending time in front of the monitor takes you away from reality. A person lives the life of his characters, communicates virtually with others, stops voicing his thoughts, conveying them using letters and numbers. This isolation leads to a lack of communication. An adult becomes like a child who lives in a world of illusions. This situation leads to severe mental disorders, since the human body needs live contacts and emotions. Experts recommend not to overuse new technologies and use gadgets in moderation.

Heavy character

People with this problem also lack communication. If a person is too closed, has a pessimistic attitude, does not trust anyone and deliberately does not make contact, sooner or later a lack of communication will arise in his life. People are afraid to deal with incomprehensible, secretive personalities. It is enough to misbehave a few times and you will get the impression of an unbearable character. Introverts and phlegmatic people should try to have more contact with people; over time they will learn to do this correctly.

Advice for young mothers

“There is not enough communication while on maternity leave, what should I do?” is a question that concerns almost all young mothers. Women face this problem immediately after childbirth or some time later. There is no need to dramatize the situation, because maternity leave allows you to get your baby back on his feet and return to his previous physical shape. To avoid getting bored, you need to take the advice of experts:

Don't try to be perfect. If the status has changed, this does not mean that responsibilities and excessive demands have increased. There is no need to try to do everything, you need to give yourself time to recuperate after childbirth.
Don't focus solely on the child. If a mother devotes her time only to the baby, she will have problems in her personal and social life. And the baby will grow up spoiled, which will have a detrimental effect on his future fate.
Take time for yourself. If a mother takes care of herself, her husband, her child, and everyone around her will like it.
Communicate more. You shouldn’t sit within four walls, you need to go out and contact people. This way you can get a lot of positive emotions and make new friends.
Going out into the world without a child. It will be great if young parents do not forget about spending time together. It is also useful for a young mother to sometimes go to a friend's house or go shopping.
Involve your husband and relatives in caring for the child. If there is not enough communication while on maternity leave, you need to allow yourself to rest or do what you love. After all, not only the mother is obliged to care for the baby, the father and other relatives will do it with pleasure.
Raise your intellectual and spiritual level. This is the most important thing that can be advised, since the future fate of the family will depend on personal growth. If mom doesn't lag behind the times, it will raise her self-esteem, which will have a positive effect on her psychological state.
Learn to dream. Having given birth to a child, a woman has already fulfilled the main goal of her life. But this is just the beginning, because from this period all the fun begins. A representative of the fair sex needs to indulge in dreams in order to make promising plans for her future life.

Mutual respect in relationships

Lack of communication in a relationship can cause a loss of mutual respect. And if there is no respect and approval between you, then this is a clear sign of incompatibility, which leads to a break in the relationship. And although I don’t like to sound pessimistic, it really is. After all, if you don’t feel respect from your partner and don’t feel joy being around him, then what’s the point in such a relationship? You should treat your partner as a mature person. I have seen many relationships fail. Because people make their own decisions without consulting their partner.

So if you make a decision, be sure to discuss it with your loved one. After all, a lack of communication in a relationship always begins with understatement. For example, you go to dinner at a restaurant, then decide together where you will spend that evening. Do you want to go to the theater or cinema? Ask your partner's opinion first, and then express yours. Respect really has a huge impact on the development of relationships. So be sure to work on your communication and respect for each other.

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Recommendations for the elderly

Older people often complain about a lack of communication. They strive to communicate and are ready to do this around the clock, but relatives perceive this as an intrusiveness. Experts give important advice that will help solve all problems. You just need to create a circle of like-minded people. This will happen as soon as a person finds something to his liking. It is necessary to join a community of interests, attend social events, and come up with interesting joint activities with your neighbors.

The idea that a person is lonely is more than erroneous. If there is such a feeling, it means that he simply does not want to communicate with others. You need to understand yourself, understand the reasons for your melancholy and actively engage in battle with a pessimistic attitude. You just have to look around and a huge number of people will immediately respond and want to be nearby.

Need

An individual begins to communicate with others for various reasons. For one individual this is providing or receiving assistance, and for another it is business cooperation.

This is how affiliation needs are formed. They represent a specific type of social interaction.

When for one of the participants in communication, interactions between each other become a means, and not a goal, for development and further advancement, the relationship begins to collapse.

Stable affiliation implies equal communication, when none of the participants tries to satisfy their own needs at the expense of the other.