How to forget and survive betrayal. Women's website www.InMoment.ru

Why do lovers cheat? Possible reasons for such actions

Before you figure out how to forget betrayal, you first need to understand why the husband or wife does this. Psychologists have found that most often halves cheat:

If there is no trust in each other and spiritual closeness, which is necessary in order to restore harmony in relationships and jointly solve difficulties and problems.
If there is not enough intimacy and sexual relations, which also affect the strength and integrity of relationships, which can collapse and betrayal occurs.
If there is a lack of former passion, romance and zest in the relationship of a married couple, which would stimulate the halves to work on themselves and become closer to each other.
If love passes, as a result of which the husband or wife tries to find their ideal, that is, that person who will help heal the spiritual wound and will always be there.
If there are frequent quarrels and scandals in the family, which aggravate the general state of mind and mood, as a result of which the other half decides to cheat.

It is worth visiting a psychologist who will help you determine exactly how to forgive and forget your husband’s betrayal, which left a residue on your soul. It is also important to remember that in any family quarrel or betrayal, both are to blame. Therefore, you shouldn’t blame your significant other ahead of time, because, most likely, the reason lies in both.

Why doesn't it work?

It seems that you are doing everything as it should. But it still hurts and hurts. Why?

Firstly, because the soul does not know the arguments of logic. She's in pain and that's all. No matter how much you explain and prove, the soul is still offended. But it makes sense to continue to prove and explain.

Secondly, because the work must be done by two! Not only you, but also, to a greater extent, the second person who “transferred” this insult to you. You took this insult from him. So he must now bear responsibility. How? Apologize. Specific and clear.

Sometimes I ask: “Did he apologize to you?” In response I hear: “I guess so. He said that he was very sorry that this happened.”

Sorry – from the word “guilt”. A person must admit his guilt. Say clearly: “Forgive me, I’m to blame!” It's not that he's sorry. And that he needs your forgiveness. He, of course, does not know that you cannot forgive 100%. But at least a little bit, you can. He may ask not once, not twice, but more. There can never be too much here. At some point you will realize that enough is enough. We need to live for something else.

Thirdly, an intelligent woman understands that it is pointless to just sit and suffer. And I know that you are smart. Yes, yes, don't be modest! So, slowly start making plans for the future. This is also an important stage.

What to do if changed? How to act correctly?

Many women and men think about how to forget betrayal and move on with their lives. First of all, the main thing is to calm down and not make any decisions if emotions have now taken control of the mind. Psychologists recommend:

First of all, calm down, stop crying and depressing your soul, because what happened cannot be corrected, and it’s not worth spoiling the nervous system, because it cannot be restored.
Don’t beat yourself up and don’t invent a reason, but calmly talk with your significant other and find out why the betrayal happened and what was wrong in the relationship.
Try to accept the situation and adequately consider further actions, that is, decide what to do with your significant other and how to forget the betrayal quickly and forever.
Understand that everyone makes mistakes, and since cheating happened, then it is both the fault, which means that something was wrong in the relationship before, which is why the other half made such a mistake.
Think about the children (if you have them), because they also need parental warmth and love, so you shouldn’t throw tantrums and scandals in front of their eyes.

First of all, it is recommended to calm down and understand that tears and hysteria will not solve anything. This can only make things worse. It’s worth visiting a psychologist and thinking about all the points.

How to forget your husband's betrayal? The psychologist claims that this can be done if you follow some tips. It is usually recommended to forget betrayal using the methods described below.

If love has passed 3

As sad as it may be, situations where couples split up after cheating are not that uncommon. This is not surprising, because in the modern world it is very difficult to find a person who is not only monogamous. But at the same time it met the internal selection criteria. Men need a thrifty, beautiful, faithful and insatiable companion in bed, and women need a devoted, caring, attractive, strong and responsible man. But in reality, it can be difficult to find a soul mate who fully meets all the points. That’s why people are often “led” by the picture, which is why they often end up facing infidelity and betrayal.

It is difficult to survive the infidelity of someone who recently swore eternal love. But probably. It is worth noting that without additional help or personal effort, no one has ever died from such experiences. All that is necessary in this case is to stop pretending to be an unfortunate victim who certainly needs consolation. There really are worse incidents in life that can cause depression. Cheating is just another reason to dust yourself off, pick yourself up, and open yourself up to a new relationship. You don't deserve to bury yourself in your own sadness.

The first thing you need to do is forget about nostalgia. If you broke up, it's stupid to regret it. The decision was made by you without outside help (this is a prerequisite).

Constant nostalgia and thoughts about how good and wonderful it was for you together will only confuse you and lead you to believe that you made a mistake. Sometimes breaking up is really the only option. Not all of your partner’s actions can be forgiven, no matter how much you might want to. Stop going to his/her page on social networks, looking through photos together and sorting through gifts. All this will not help, but will only move you away from the goal. Many people do not understand how to forget betrayal, but the reason for this lies in the inability to let go of the past. It must be left behind, and you must become completely free.

The second is to find a new activity. Most often, depression against the background of betrayal begins due to an excess of free time. Previously, you walked together in the park, went to the cinema and cafe, but now you sit at home surrounded by handkerchiefs and old photographs together. Everyone experiences this moment differently, but the period of self-flagellation should not last more than one evening. Otherwise, you will slide into the abyss of melancholy, apathy and despondency. Give yourself one evening to shed a few tears, get drunk, burn photos, delete contacts, or go to a bar with friends and talk it out. Let this be your catharsis. Relieving you from constant suffering in the future.

A new activity is the best way to painlessly get away from the topic of cheating. When a person is passionate about something, he completely forgets about his experiences.

Switching attention is useful in any shock situations. Of course, if you do not internally accept the sad fact and come to terms with it, this will not have such a strong effect. But if you are absolutely sure that your future together is impossible, that the betrayal was too harsh and does not deserve forgiveness, then allow yourself to waste your interest on something else. Listening to sad music, eating food in front of the TV, or staying in bed all the time is not a hobby. This can be called a bad habit, but not a hobby. To forget betrayal, you need something more fundamental.

Discover a new sport, start taking some courses, seriously study a foreign language/dance/martial arts. It doesn’t matter what exactly your inquisitive gaze falls on. It is much more important that it goes beyond your usual life. If you have never jumped with a parachute, now is the time. Nothing clears all the bad thoughts from your head like an extraordinary and crazy act. Psychologists have long confirmed the fact that adrenaline is a good pain reliever for the soul. When you don’t have time to feel sorry for yourself once again, you will quickly forget about what such a terrible thing happened to you on the personal front.

Another way is to try to immediately plunge into a new relationship. Nobody talks about serious romances, you can just make a pleasant acquaintance, go on a couple of dates, unwind and believe in yourself again. This is true if the previous relationship did not last very long. Falling in love is a real drug, and having lost it, many people begin to go crazy.

A little doping in the form of flirting with other people you like, a couple of compliments received or attention shown by representatives of the opposite sex - and you no longer care where the traitor is. The most important thing is that you are not next to him/her.

The next option, which girls most often use, is to take a closer look at themselves. Changing your image, buying yourself a couple of nice gifts, updating your wardrobe, going to the spa and other joys of life will be the best cure for uninvited sadness. In addition, this option, contrary to popular belief, is suitable not only for the fair sex, but also for guys. According to experts, changing one’s own appearance automatically “resets” a person’s attitude towards himself. It’s as if he leaves all the bad things in their original form, opening up to only good experiences. And there really is a grain of truth in this, because even just looking at yourself in the mirror, you can begin to remember the days gone by that can no longer be returned.

Analyze the situation

Many people are interested in how to forget their husband’s betrayal and move on with their lives. First of all, you need to analyze the situation and decide what has changed, except that the other half showed infidelity and neglected the relationship. After all, in fact, everyone is alive and well, but if the husband cheated, then nothing can be corrected, the main thing is to accept the situation and understand that there is always a way out. You can forgive and live again, or you can forget and start a new life, that is, you can find a solution if you consider the situation from all sides.

Is it worth forgiving at all?

In the current situation, there is nothing easier than filing for divorce. Are you sure this will make you happier? Do you have another chance to start over?

Yes, if the husband cheated, but wants to save the family, asks for forgiveness, sincerely repents and has taken the path of correction. It takes the best years of your life to build a strong and happy unit of society. Do not rush to take off your wedding ring in a state of passion. Recognize his right to make a single mistake, if he is a wonderful family man, a responsible father and a caring son-in-law. This is one of the main tips from psychologists on how to forgive your husband after cheating. There are few such men, and you need to think carefully before putting your treasure out the door. They'll pick you up quickly before you come to your senses.
No, if the accomplished fact does not seem to your life partner something out of the ordinary. In this case, very soon he will want to continue the banquet. Do you doubt whether you should forgive your pathologically unfaithful husband for cheating? Think about your own future. Are you ready to share a bed with a grinning traitor, catch the sidelong glances of “initiates”, stumble upon traces of Don Juan’s adventures on social networks and wash traces of lipstick from your shirts?

Talk to your husband and give him a choice

If it so happened that your husband cheated, and the question arose of how to forget your husband’s betrayal, the advice in this case sounds like this: you need to talk to him and give him a choice. If he chooses to maintain the relationship rather than go to his mistress, then you should still give him a chance and remember that everyone has sins, and everyone can make a mistake. Therefore, you should not turn life into a mixture of scandals and reproaches; the main thing is to remember that if you managed to forgive your soul mate, then this is an opportunity to fix everything, and not to destroy it again.

Conditions for forgiveness.

Due to the increased emotional outburst, not all girls are ready to listen to the advice of a psychologist, because they are convinced that they hold the relationship in their hands and together with their loved one will cope with the problem. This is a mistake, but we are ready to provide some points for analysis in order to protect the couple as much as possible from a repetition of the incident, in addition, we recommend that you read the material: How to survive a guy’s betrayal?

A boy and a girl must resort to a serious, honest, open dialogue, as a result of which certain conditions will be established for preserving the relationship.

Conditions for a guy:

Does not create situations that may somehow remind you of a plot from the past;
Does not make advances, does not flirt and does not communicate with other girls at the “Casanova” level;
Does not put pressure on jealousy;
Always speaks the truth;
Has a goal and plans for a common future, is ready for a wedding, children together, and to become responsible;
Puts study and career first;
In a difficult moment for a girl, he helps out, supports, helps;
He can only occasionally spend his leisure time without his girlfriend.

Conditions for girls:

Doesn’t rummage through social network accounts or a loved one’s phone in search of mistresses (for these purposes, you can use the articles: How to understand that a guy is cheating? or How to check a guy for cheating?);
Doesn’t look for a reason to scold, doesn’t make a mountain out of a mountain, reacts to everything calmly and with trust;
Doesn’t cheat in revenge, and also doesn’t pretend to be a victim with the goal of “Have pity on me!”;
Does not remember the offense and does not re-examine the relationship, completely lets go of the event;
Ready to start a family in the future with the offender;
…

You can come up with a great variety of conditions for the continued existence of a couple; it is important to take into account the main factor - supporting the psychological comfort of both. During the conversation, it is necessary to rely solely on your own needs, each opponent puts forward his grievances, the other side accepts them and does not react negatively; if he does not understand, then he requires clarification. No one is lying, the conversation is open. As a result, you need to come to an agreement that suits everyone. Check out: The guy loves, but cheats.

Be alone

Sometimes loneliness is your best friend, as it gives the answer to the question of how to forget betrayal and maintain harmony in your state of mind. You need to think carefully about everything and decide what to do in this case, because you don’t have to constantly torment your soul with this pain. The main thing is to understand that everyone makes mistakes, and if cheating occurs, then both are to blame; perhaps you did not pay enough attention and love to your other half. Most often, this is the main reason why cheating occurs.

How to forgive betrayal?

This question has a clear answer - no way. It is impossible to forgive betrayal. Just as it is impossible to forgive a driver who has hit a pedestrian, even if the driver is a close friend of the pedestrian.

Forgiveness involves letting go of resentment. You can get rid of resentment, remove it from your soul. This must be done, otherwise the body will react somatically to the state of mind. I recommend reading the article: Is it possible to forgive betrayal?

It is useless to convince yourself that you have no grudge. After all, betrayal is betrayal, a collapse of faith, deception, disappointment. How can there be no offense?

Should betrayal be forgiven? Adviсe

Cheating is a sign that the relationship has not passed the test of strength. What should a woman do if she says that she cannot forget the betrayal, what should she do in this situation? Each girl must decide for herself whether to forgive her husband’s offense or leave and start a new life. Psychologists recommend forgiving betrayal in the following cases:

If you have common children. If a family has common children, then, naturally, it is worth preserving the family. It is important to remember that no matter what relationship the parents have with each other, the children have nothing to do with it, they need a father and mother. It is also worth discussing everything with your other half and deciding whether she wants to continue the relationship and start over, while maintaining loyalty and devotion to each other.
If there is love left. If, despite the fact that a betrayal occurred and a mistake was made, love remains, accordingly, it is worth trying to fix everything and understand why the betrayal occurred. Perhaps this happened due to lack of attention or frequent quarrels, or perhaps it’s worth taking a break from the relationship and being alone with your thoughts for a while. If you understand and think about this in time, then there is a chance that you will still be able to maintain strength and love in the relationship.
If you have trust in the person. If, after betrayal, there is hope that you can save the relationship, then you should take advantage of the moment. It is naturally difficult to trust after such a betrayal, but if you discuss everything and think it over, you can still take a risk. After all, all people are not immune from mistakes, and the main thing is to learn to forgive, this is the key to happiness in family relationships.

Please note that you don’t need to make a decision right away, so as not to do something stupid. To understand how to forget betrayal, you need to think about everything, and then it will become clear which solution to the problem will be the most correct and appropriate in this situation.

Types of betrayal

Conventionally, in psychology, adultery is divided into several varieties, each of which, from the point of view of psychology, has its own degree of severity:

One-time betrayal

This betrayal is understood as a single case of sexual contact with another partner without attachment to him. Usually this happens during a business trip, bachelor party, corporate party and other events. After the betrayal, the husband realizes what he has done and after a couple of days, repentance comes to him for this mistake.

Long-term betrayal

In this version, feelings and attachment to a person may already exist. If we take the emotional part as an example, then for the man himself this is not an easy period, since he has to constantly rush from his wife to his mistress and vice versa, he cannot make a final decision. Usually the wife finds out about the emerging rival completely by accident, but there are also situations when the husband himself talks about the existing relationship, on the side, after a long period of time. This connection is interrupted after 2 years, since by this time they are experiencing a crisis.

Search for adventure

During such betrayal, the cheater does not become attached and does not have any feelings for the partner. There may be a large number of intimate relationships with partners, but they do not last more than two meetings. They occur in clubs, massages, parties and so on. A man puts on the image of a male, who by his prey means sex. He may, of course, repent, but it will not last long. When he decides to cheat again, it is better to break off relations with such a man and not believe in his correction.

Therapy

This kind of departure to search for a new partner is associated with avoiding problems that are present in marriage. An intimate relationship is equivalent to friendship between partners in which they have sex. The attraction to your partner may be deep, but you are not attached to him, you may not even get pleasure, just a pill that is needed to relieve the pain.

Emotional cheating

A man has a girlfriend who has the ability to influence his mood, thoughts, and the like. Platonic feelings appear, which are much more compelling than physical ones. A kind of balance between emotions and physical attraction.

How can you tell if your partner is cheating? Main features

In fact, cheating is very easy to notice if you pay attention to some details. After all, as you know, behavior changes after making a mistake, and you need to pay attention to the following factors:

Strange behavior. Your significant other behaves rather strangely, that is, he avoids phone calls and does not give the phone to strangers. This suggests that he is hiding something, it could be a mistress and a new passion who regularly writes messages and calls.
Atonement for guilt. If a man really regrets that he committed treason, he tries with all his might to atone for his guilt, namely: giving flowers, kissing, hugging, paying more attention and becoming passionate in bed. This looks quite romantic, but it is strange, especially if there has not been such attention and pleasantries from your other half for a long time.
Doesn't make eye contact. When talking, a man tries not to look into the eyes, so as not to remember how he made a mistake and cheated on his beloved. In this case, he constantly looks busy, tries to rush to work and says that there is practically no time for everyday worries. This looks natural, but it may be the first sign that there has been betrayal on his part.
Avoidance of communication with relatives. As a rule, men who have cheated try to communicate less with their mother-in-law and wife's relatives, before whom he is also ashamed. It is also worth paying attention to this and talking to him to find out what exactly he is hiding and what is the reason for his strange behavior.

What to do if you find out about your wife's infidelity?

First of all, it’s worth figuring out where this information came from. If these are just disturbing speculations, then a frank conversation with your spouse on this topic will help. It's not a given that she'll tell the truth, but at least you'll be able to see her reaction.

If the information is one hundred percent, that is, the wife herself told about the betrayal or was “caught red-handed,” then it takes time to understand the situation and not do anything stupid. Men tend to make hasty decisions, and in an emotional outburst of anger they can even cause serious harm or kill.

The first thing a man should do when he finds out about his wife’s infidelity is to be left alone with himself. Even if there is a scandal and heated discussion, know how to insist that you be left alone for a while. Don't go out with friends. Don't resort to alcohol. Don't drown out information with work or games. Go to a quiet, safe place where you can think things through.

The first thing you should decide for yourself is whether you love your wife. All further decisions will depend on an honest answer to this question. Try to discard thoughts of possessiveness and damaged pride. It is clear that betrayal is perceived primarily as a personal insult. However, answer yourself frankly: do you love your spouse? If not, when did your feelings for her fade away? Probably, from the answer to this question you will be able to draw important conclusions for yourself.

If your love for your wife is still strong, think about what might have led to her behavior. Was there any conflict between you? Maybe you allowed yourself to insult her, humiliate her or raise your hand? Maybe you stopped paying attention to her or ignored her irritation or requests? How many times has she tried to get your attention or start a frank conversation? How long have you been intimate? Walking together? Understand that every person has their own physiological and spiritual needs. And if you have long lost the emotional and physical connection with your spouse, taking her presence for granted, then it is difficult to blame her for finding a man who gave her the necessary emotions and warmth.

Once you have calmed down, talk to your spouse. Find out from her the real motives for her actions. Be cool and insist on speaking truthfully. This way you can understand what caused your distance and what you should work on if you decide to get your wife back.

Remember that divorce is a fairly simple solution, but not always the right one. If you still love your wife and feel that the connection between you has not yet been completely broken, then you should try to save your relationship. To do this, you will have to forgive your wife’s betrayal, although not immediately.

How to prevent betrayal? What do we have to do?

We have already figured out how to forgive and forget betrayal. But what can you do to prevent betrayal and maintain intimacy and trust in a relationship for a long time? In this case it is recommended:

Pay more attention to your significant other, constantly talk and listen about how the day went, what’s new, if anything terrible happened (for example, problems at work).
Trusting each other, sharing secrets and maintaining intimacy, which will help a married couple make their relationship strong and lasting.
Share interests, spend time together and do something together, thanks to which you can become closer, get to know each other better and live in harmony and trust.
Always help and support each other, because there are situations when you need support from loved ones, which will help free your soul and restore calm.
Walking as a family with common children, thanks to which the family will become strong and happy, so you can forget about betrayal and other quarrels for a long time.
Treat your significant other with understanding and remember that everyone makes mistakes, and instead of blaming and cursing, you need to forgive and listen.

How to behave so that your husband does not cheat

Talk with your man about his work, mood, take an interest in his affairs.
Show trust, care, share your feelings and maintain intimacy. This will contribute to a strong relationship.
Find common interests and implement them. Go to the cinema, for walks and try to spend more time together. Discuss common topics and share thoughts.

Adoption

Being able to come to terms with what has already happened is one of the important skills of a psychologically stable person.

Unfortunately, hurt pride does not allow you to accept the situation and let it go. You think that you are not to blame for what happened, that she is bad, that you did a lot for her.

“How could she even do this to me?”

To solve this problem and finally accept the situation as it is, it is important to understand one simple thing: you yourself decided to look after her, spend time on her and give gifts. And this does not mean that reciprocal feelings should flare up in her. Girls make decisions based on emotions and feelings. If you don’t give these emotions, then she starts looking for them “on the side.”

Just accept it and understand that the betrayal that happened is the result of your unattractive behavior
. And period.