What does it mean to be single?
A loner is a person who can only rely on himself, trust no one and do not need a social circle. The story of the appearance of a loner does not change in any way, most often these are those people who are disappointed in life, or in other people, after which they do not want a second act and they nip everything in the bud, without giving another chance to prevent it all from happening again .
Living alone and living alone are two different things. A lonely person is not the same as a single person. Yes, these words are very similar and even have the same root, but in the modern sense, a lonely person is someone who has no one by chance, fate or coincidence, call it what you want.
A loner is someone who, by choice or life experience, makes a conscious choice not to surround himself with people. There can be many reasons, the most obvious and logical: do not surround yourself with those who can betray, deceive or let you down.
Can a single person have a friend or several? I think so, but most likely such a person will consider these friends to be acquaintances or those who will sooner or later let him down.
It is important not to create illusions about friendship. Whether friendship exists is a separate question. True male friendship, like female friendship, is a rarity on a planetary scale.
Even being a loner, in our life, the obligation to go to school or work, a person, with all his reluctance, has to contact with other people.
A loner is not a recluse. You then ask, what is a recluse? A recluse, again in the modern sense, is a person who avoids any contact with people, the outside world and anything that might disturb him. A recluse is a hermit.
A single person prefers to be alone with himself; he can live anywhere, even in the forest, in the mountains, or in the very center of the city. His main distinguishing feature is his reluctance to trust someone, but instead to do everything himself, with his own hands, strength and head.
Symptoms
Loner syndrome, or loner complex, is a term in psychology to describe an individual who avoids society and spends time alone. To see such people, you do not need to have a degree in psychology. It is enough to talk to a person or watch him.
Loner syndrome manifests itself differently in everyone. There are standard manifestations of the complex:
- Silence. People with this syndrome prefer to remain silent; they do not need to constantly talk.
- Eating alone. A noisy dinner with friends, going to a restaurant - these are not activities for singles. They prefer to be in a home environment. no guests.
- Independent trips to the cinema. Have you ever seen an individual who came to the cinema completely alone? Know that this is a loner. For most people, going to the movies is an opportunity to have a good time with friends and loved ones. Singles go to cinemas for a movie or prefer to watch it at home in a cozy environment.
- Lack of friends and relationships. People live alone and do not communicate with anyone. This is due to two factors: it is difficult for single people to build serious relationships, because it requires attention and communication. Ordinary people avoid relationships with single people. Singles would prefer to stay at home rather than go to a romantic dinner in a restaurant. This behavior can cause irritation.
- Refusal of teamwork. You will never see alone in teamwork. Such people will do difficult work themselves, just so as not to act together with everyone else.
- Homebody. Parties until the morning, dinner parties and other social events are carefully avoided by singles. They are completely uncomfortable there.
- Alone time is very valuable. All people have to interact throughout the day. To take a break from others and restore mental strength, single people need personal space and time.
Loners stay away from teamwork and parties
Communication with people with loner syndrome
Despite all the asocial nature of such people, they know how to make friends and will never let you down. They will understand your problem, help you find a solution and cheer you up. You need to learn to communicate with them. To do this, you need to follow several rules:
- give the person time to be alone, they need solitude - this is how they relax and put their thoughts in order;
- do not try to change your personality - this will only destroy relationships: as practice shows, people change only if they themselves want to;
- do not treat a loner like a child: you do not need to take care of him and protect him from the outside world;
- Accept that single people make decisions on their own, without anyone’s approval.
Most people try to avoid loners. It is generally accepted that there are many problems with them and it is better to stay away from them. But this is not true: everyone is unique, and it is important to be able to accept this.
Am I a loner?
Rather yes than no. I have a strong Family and a very small social circle, which has been carved out over the years like a stone by water, and I don’t want to let anyone new into my life, I already have everyone I need. I couldn't wish for more. What I have now is real happiness. Trusted people and complete confidence in them.
Life has taught me a lot: not to trust just anyone, not to believe loud words and to wait for help in difficult times. I have been let down by many people, set up or deceived, and I have been in a variety of difficult situations. Did I want to be a loner? Of course not! Life decided everything for me.
Sometimes it’s nice to be alone with yourself, with your thoughts, to focus on something, to realize or decide something, but I don’t always want to be alone with myself. I like to be alone only in some moments, but those who I have are too dear to me to share this life only with myself.
I don't like loneliness, but I like being alone with my little iron circle of friends. I don't like to be alone, I like who I have. I appreciate them, respect them, love them.
Hermitage from a scientific point of view
Psychology describes hermitism as a problem. The desire to be alone is based on difficulties in communication, inability to build relationships, and undeveloped communication skills. The origins of such difficulties must be sought in childhood. Such problems arise if at a young age a person did not receive enough attention and love from parents and loved ones.
Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .
The choice of loneliness acts as a defense mechanism developed as a result of emotional trauma - the loss of a relative, a break with a soul mate. Getting closer to people is reminiscent of the mental pain experienced earlier. In an effort to get away from it, a person reduces the number of contacts with society. This phenomenon in psychology is called “hermit syndrome”.
A person helps himself to develop such a syndrome. Melancholic temperament and natural silence lead to the fact that the circle of friends and acquaintances gradually narrows. There is a feeling that others do not understand and do not perceive the person for who he is.
In addition to decreased interest in emotional contacts, resentment may develop towards people for their attitude towards such a person. He begins to hate people for their inability to appreciate him and his inherent character traits. Together with everyday troubles, such resentment is the basis for the denial of social norms, and a person develops sociopathy. Personality disorder in various forms from depression to schizophrenia is a natural outcome of such problems.
Is it cool to be single?
I've met a lot of people in my life. But most of all I hated lying. Especially when a person tried to seem not who he really is, speaks pretentious and loud words, desperately trying to believe what he is talking about, convince himself and become what he is not, portray what he thinks the people around are just cool.
You need to become who you want to become, but you don’t need to imitate someone or try to seem like someone to please others. “Be yourself, all other roles are already taken.”
It was disgusting to listen to a person say: “I like being alone, I feel good alone,” or “it’s cool to be alone, no one bothers you, you do whatever you want,” and then he went home to cry into his pillow.
There are people who enjoy solitude in every sense of the word. They are enough for themselves, they don’t need anyone and they are completely self-sufficient. Is it easy to be alone, without friends and struggling with your thoughts? This is a matter of habit and mindset.
Loyalty and willingness to help
A loner does not crave the company of others, as many do. But once they love someone and want to be a close friend, they will be the most loyal friends you can find. If they consider you worthy, they will gladly help when necessary and share both grief and joy with you. They show their complicity in all areas of life, be it relationships, work, family...
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Minuses
If you equate the concepts: loneliness and loner, you get many similarities.
- You are your own savior. No one will help, if you are a loner, then get out yourself. No advice.
- Boredom, sadness, depression and “how long will these beams withstand”... Being constantly alone with yourself can make you go crazy. It all depends on the person himself, the strength of his psyche, the ability to manage his mood and self-control.
- There's no one around
There are a lot of disadvantages, especially individual ones.
pros
What's good about being alone is that you have constant control over your life. No one tells you what to do, what time to sleep, where to go, what to buy, what to listen to, what to watch, how to breathe...
If you are a loner who really enjoys it and is good at it, then you may develop the following qualities:
- Self-discipline
- Confidence in your strength
- Self-control
- The ability to manage your emotions
- Ability to solve problems yourself
Don’t confuse loneliness and a single person, these are different things.
Solving the problem
People only change if they want to. Therefore, this item is for singles who have decided to change their lifestyle. To break old habits, you need to start small. Don't quickly immerse yourself in social life, this will cause discomfort. Here are recommendations on how to change your life gradually:
- Make new acquaintances. Social life involves communicating with different people. If you still find it difficult to communicate with strangers in person, find a pen pal. Over time, you will be able to transfer communication into real life.
- Sign up for group classes. It could be dancing or a foreign language. There is no need to meet everyone at once. First, get used to the group, and over time expand your circle of acquaintances.
- If you have accumulated a lot of worries, do not hesitate to visit a psychologist. Trust him with your thoughts and worries. A competent psychologist will help you cope with fears and solve problems.
Rely on yourself and no one will let you down
If not always, then very often you can only rely on yourself. This is the most important advantage that I noticed for myself a long time ago. I like to think that I will have to cope with everything myself, without relying on anyone’s help, but I will have to cope, there is no other way.
This strengthens you, forces you to learn from mistakes, to anticipate the emergence of new problems, the solution to which can be thought out in advance.
It's always nice to know that you achieve everything yourself. And it’s even more pleasant when there are no people around who will let you down. Especially when you need it most. There is nothing worse when you step over yourself, ask for help, and are refused.
Singles. What makes them special?
Psychologists have conducted a study to see if it is possible to identify a group of people who feel happier when they are alone. Professionals were based directly on the presence of romantic connections, which are the highest point of intimacy in human relationships. For some time, the “experimental subjects” (if they can really be called that) took a test that revealed the degree of their happiness. The test indicated that some of the people actually felt more comfortable when they were not in such close relationships. This was due to these people's reactions to the negative aspects of romantic intimacy with a partner. Of course, a lot can be said about the importance of supporting the closest person in difficult times and remembering couples who always understand each other perfectly... But we should not forget that a significant part of the history of communication with a person is occupied by quarrels and disagreements. Those who are too tired of such “confrontations” with a loved one can later find out that they are much more comfortable at a time when they are not burdened with such close ties.
