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All psychological problems come from childhood. Contrary to popular belief, modesty is a character trait that interferes with living and building social and personal relationships normally. Today it is difficult to predict how successfully a modest guy will be able to adapt to society. Sometimes this quality becomes a serious obstacle to success.

The Nature of Modesty

The person has a high level of emotionality. All our experiences are reflected in everyday life. Each emotion manifests itself differently in the human body. When experiencing fear, a person feels a chill in the stomach and dizziness. Aggression is reflected in muscle contractions. Modesty causes a whole stream of strange sensations. For a shy person, life is one continuous test. He is in constant nervous tension and feels normal only in a familiar, standard environment for his psyche.

Modesty is not defined as a mental disorder, but it does lead to a number of problems.

Modest guys often remain “on the other side of the barricades.” They are underestimated, not heard and not noticed, which is basically what they are trying to achieve. However, over time, a moment comes when you want banal affection and praise, but there is simply no person who understands your feelings, aspirations, experiences.

Loneliness for such a guy becomes the norm of life. Excessive modesty does not allow a person to advance in life and leaves merits in work unnoticed. Even having a family does not save you from shyness. Modest young people fall in love with a powerful woman who resembles a mother. The manifestation of this character trait is influenced by 2 factors.

Heredity.
Wrong upbringing.

Overcoming shyness in childhood is much easier. A character trait that has not yet acquired phobias, self-doubt and other complexes is easily modeled into the correct behavioral reaction.

The main reason for manifestations of hyper-embarrassment is the omission of parents. The child does not know how to react to surrounding factors and expresses this in his own way.

Usually any irritants cause a storm of emotions and hysterics. Under the influence of a hyper-shy parent or an overly domineering one, an incorrect picture of the world is formed. The child is afraid of people, of other people's assessments. The main component of modesty is fear. The older a person gets, the more he realizes his inferiority. He is not able to start a conversation with his peers, he sits at home all the time when they are walking and learning about the world through trial and error. A modest guy doesn’t have this opportunity.

Psychological portrait of a modest guy

The first characteristic feature of shy men is isolation, which is provoked by fear of society. She shows a reluctance to start conversations. Discomfort in communication forces a person to withdraw into his own imaginary world. If the interlocutor is active and in the mood for communication, he is able to bring the silent person out of his stupor.

The second characteristic feature of a modest guy is awkwardness. She practically never leaves the modest guy. Engaged in regular self-examination, a person does not find any positive qualities in himself. It is awkward for a person to be even in a familiar circle. Due to the lack of communication experience, the guy is afraid to do or say something unnecessary.

Critical self-analysis is a characteristic feature of the psychological portrait of a modest man. A person constantly analyzes himself and what is happening. He creates his own comfortable world, consisting of a continuous chain of assessments, unclear judgments, and attitudes.

Modesty is defined as a structural component of personality that brings discomfort, reduces the quality of life, and interferes with a person’s development in society.

Behavioral characteristics of a modest guy:

not suitable to be the first to meet;
rarely engages in conversation;
shows almost no emotions;
rarely goes out with peers;
mostly communicates with girls on social networks or via SMS messages;
dependent on other people's opinions;
always looks good, neatly dressed.

Mistakes when raising shy boys

In childhood, it is important not to miss the moment, otherwise shyness will remain a constant companion in the boy’s life. The first signs of modesty are noted already at the age of 2, when, at the sight of strangers, the boy hides behind his mother or does not raise his eyes. Everything foreign and unknown looks frightening to him and causes a storm of emotions. In addition to behavioral reactions, the child experiences increased fatigue.

In such a child, during development, the thought process prevails over physical activity.

The child is unable to express his emotions either verbally or figuratively, which negatively affects his mental state and general health. The modest boy is touchy and in a bad mood almost all the time. A child can behave relaxed only next to his mother or in the most comfortable situation for him.

In kindergartens and schools, such children rarely open up, practically do not communicate with their peers, and sit silently in the corner.

With overly developed modesty, the child begins to fear society. Going to the store can cause a panic attack. This is an extreme case. To prevent the development of hypermodesty, consult a neurologist. Communicate more with your child, do not close him off from the world. Enroll in an early development group of 3-5 people. This will allow the child to learn to communicate with peers and attract the attention of the teacher.

In kindergarten, usually modest children do not have the opportunity to express themselves. Few teachers call the kids to action a second time, citing the fact that there are too many children in the group. This is another reason for the development of complexes in children, when more active peers take part in all programs, and the rest act as mute spectators.

The child must be involved in the life processes of society. Try several circles at once. Choose the one that he likes most. He needs people to surround him. This could be dancing, drawing, modeling, gymnastics. Modest people perform well in sports and creativity.

The nuances of communicating with a modest man

Due to the lack of information among parents, and sometimes experience and qualified specialists, a wide variety of complexes flourish in our world. It rarely occurs to anyone to “treat shyness” in childhood: a modest child looks cute. But when he grows up, his problems are not “nice” at all. If a guy is too shy and doesn’t communicate much with others, this does not mean that he does not experience a standard set of feelings. He, like everyone else, needs the love and affection of a woman.

In a relationship with such a guy, you will have to take on the main role. The first step is to make sure that he really likes you. This will be noticeable in your behavior. When he meets you, he lowers his eyes, blushes, and during a conversation he cannot string together two words, but in messages he scribbles entire pages.

Shy guys look well-groomed, they are often handsome and pumped up.

For such a person, everything about his appearance is important. Every time he thinks that he is not good enough, so he constantly tries to improve himself. At first glance, a girl cannot understand why such a handsome man stays alone. And in his soul there is a hive of complexes, and he is afraid of the girl he likes like a natural disaster.

The key to starting a relationship is trusting communication. Eliminate mocking tone and criticism. Try to communicate calmly and adequately perceive his humor (remember that he has little experience in communication). With your help, a young man will be able to discover facets of character that he himself did not know about. He will feel more confident in public and will be more open.

Shy men make good husbands.

But it is necessary that the first experience of communicating with a woman becomes positive, and does not end in a fiasco. Defeat will only strengthen his inferiority complex. It is important to understand that pathological modesty is the result of long-term work; the complex was cultivated like a flower and it will be difficult to eradicate it.

A woman should not be too persistent. The first sexual experience for such guys is also very stressful, so you should be careful when leading a shy boyfriend to this moment. For him, the first kiss on the cheek, a light touch of the hand - a whole stream of emotions, strange and unexpected.

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Rules for dealing with a shy boyfriend or husband

Contrary to popular belief, the man is not the head of the family. Without a supportive, inspiring woman, no man could achieve success in life. Behind many successful businessmen, politicians, historical and cultural figures who built their success bit by bit from scratch, there is a woman. In the case of a modest man, you will have to sweat a little more.

The rules of behavior with a shy man will be useful to every girl.

Do not put too much pressure on your chosen one, otherwise he will withdraw into himself even more.
Be attentive to his problems, but don't get hung up on them. Slowly and smoothly lead him to the idea that he is attractive and important to you.
Point out his positive qualities. Never use your ex-boyfriends as an example, otherwise you will completely kill his trust and self-esteem.
Show him that he is in charge and you feel secure around him. Let him feel like a real man, strong, confident, who can possess his woman and seek her attention.
Refuse to make any claims. Be clear about his responsibilities every time.
Spend time together, take it with you when you meet friends, to the gym. A person needs to see an example, understand how to communicate with people.
Learn to support him and demand the same attitude towards yourself. Show him that in a relationship it is important to focus not only on your problems.

If you dig deeper, modesty is akin to egocentrism.

A person is fixated on his fear and tries to do everything to ensure his own comfort. But a self-centered person does not want to realize his problem, while a modest person considers it a pathology. A woman’s task is to smoothly lead a man out of the comfort zone where he is used to living. At first it will be a shock, but that’s what a woman is needed to help him survive it.

A modest man is like a blank sheet of paper. You can write whatever you want on it, but you need to get it out of its shell. Inside him lives a driven, sad boy, full of complexes and fears. In this relationship, you will have to play the role of mother and sexual partner in one person. The point is not to copy the image of his own mother, but to quickly learn the basics of communication and life in general. You need to become a guru for him, help build a new unknown world in which there will be no place for old attitudes.

How to get rid of shyness

There is no need to destroy anything, because the energy of shyness is also energy. You just need to transform shyness into modesty. That's all. Modesty is an appropriate healthy feeling that is perceived as politeness and tact.

A modest person is not afraid to ask the sales assistant to show the product, he does not get a lump in his throat when he needs to loudly ask the minibus driver to stop the vehicle, etc.

But first you need to understand yourself: what exactly is shyness manifested in? Perhaps only when meeting the opposite sex or getting help? There are also people who are embarrassed to treat themselves kindly. They feel like they don't deserve it. It is difficult for them to accept outside help: it makes them blush and fills them with irrational fear.

It turns out that a shy person always suffers:

from a bad attitude towards yourself (for what?);
from treating yourself well (I don’t deserve it).

This state of mind simply deprives a person of the joy of life, the joy of communicating with people, and self-realization in society. This cannot be done without psychological adjustment. If complexes have been formed since childhood, only a specialist - a psychologist - can help.

How to overcome shyness and self-doubt on your own

To do this, you need to find free time for introspection, so that no one interferes with working through all the situations.

Step one

We need to find the root cause. Why do you consider yourself unworthy to receive gifts from life? What prevents you from expressing yourself to the world? Maybe someone suggested this idea to you, or did you come to this conclusion yourself? But all people are the same, no one is better or worse. Everyone has the right to happiness, not just a select few.

Think about this question thoroughly. Everyone has the right to happiness, freedom and self-realization. No one has the right to take away another person's dignity and chance to prove himself in society.

Step two

You need to change your attitude towards criticism from childish to adult. If a child is scolded, then this is followed by punishment in the form of physical influence or a ban on something (watching a cartoon, getting dessert, etc.). Nobody punishes an adult, so the attitude towards criticism should be constructive. You need to learn to remove the emotional component and look at things from a logical perspective. Did I do something wrong? I'll take it into account and fix it next time.

You also need to understand that there are many psychopaths among people (especially in large cities). This is a special state of mind when a person consciously seeks a victim. They can also be called energy vampires. If a person behaves in a particularly inappropriate manner and tries to humiliate another, is he not a psychopath?

There is no need to react to it: psychopaths need a negative reaction. If there is no reaction, the psychopath will leave the failed victim alone. Psychopathy is not a mental illness, it is a behavioral disorder.

Step three

We need to once and for all give up the fear of “what people will say, what people will think of me.” Of course, this does not mean that you can go to great lengths, but you also don’t need to develop complexes. If you are doing something that is not illegal, then what difference does it make what Baba Masha from the bench thinks about it?

Remember: people will always judge and talk badly about everyone, so you should not be guided by their judgment. It is impossible to please everyone, and it is not necessary.

Just live your life, implement your plans and don’t look back at others. People will always be critical: they either envy the success of others or rejoice in failure. They will never please.