Male and female infidelity, especially in marriage, are different things. If a man, when he sees a sexy girl, stops thinking with his head and turns on his head, then the woman takes this step consciously. I in no way approve of cheating on any side, but the fact remains a fact.
Men often think with their dicks, women always think with their heads. Even when your wife tells you, “The demon has fooled you,” but he hasn’t, there were reasons for the betrayal. Anyone will agree that a wife’s betrayal is not just a sickle to the balls, but breaks a man into small pieces.
But let's figure out what could have led to this and how to fix it. Why should you do this? Because part of the blame for betrayal lies with you. Not a single woman, if she is not a whore, of course, will go to the left just like that. This means that your relationship has already gone to hell, it’s just that no one wanted to focus attention on it.
Read also: I’m tired of quarreling with my wife, but I continue to live with her for the sake of the children. Should I pack my bags and leave?
There can be many reasons and each couple has their own.
- Some women suffer from lack of attention from their husbands. Just yesterday her husband was passionate about her, but today work, friends and mother come first. A woman can accumulate emotions within herself for a long time, but the result is either a wild scandal with broken dishes and hysterics, or quiet betrayal. Revenge.
Women serve revenge cold. If a man cheated and gives himself away: guilty eyes, brooms every day, fur coats, gifts. Then the woman plays her game quietly. If a man begins to change and puts his wife first again, he may never know that he was cuckolded.
- Other women are bored. Yes, when a wife sits at home all day and only takes care of the children, everyday life, and sometimes goes to Masha to get her hair cut, the likelihood of becoming a cuckold is very high.
What woman did you take as your wife? Most likely, she was ambitious and driven. I was achieving something in my career and had a bunch of girlfriends. What happened after you ringed her? The friends faded into the background as the husband appeared. The career ended after the birth of children. That's all. She has nothing left except you and the children. That is, for the sake of these diapers, mops and hot dinners, she changed her life 180°.
Of course, it is impossible to take into account all cases. Someone cheats for the sake of whoredom, just one dick in their life is not enough. Someone to prove to themselves that there is still gunpowder in the flasks. Only you yourself can figure out the reasons for what happened.
I am talking now about those cases when infidelity occurs in decent families, where the husband is for his wife, and the wife is for her husband. Externally. But in reality, the woman is howling in the bathroom and reproaching herself for making the wrong choice. Only you can make the right choice: leave or try to start again.
This is the easiest way. Give the woman some bream, turn around and run off into the sunset to lick her wounds. When such an action is conscious and right for you:
Love has passed
After you find out that your wife has cheated, you need to cool down. Yes, man, making any decisions in the heat of the moment is teenage stupidity. Alternatively, move away from your family for a couple of weeks, just not with your mom or friend. Rent an apartment and live separately from everyone else. Think, figure it out, collect your emotions.
And only after the desire to give pussy to your wife and lover has subsided, ask yourself the question: “Is my relationship based on love or is it just a habit?” In marriage, we get used to the fact that washed clothes and a plate of delicious food are always waiting for us at home. That there is an ass nearby that you can touch and a hole where you can pee. But the feelings subside and sometimes disappear completely.
Here you need to be as honest with yourself as possible. If that’s all, finita la comedy, you’re just happy with the fact that there’s a woman nearby, leave. Leave her and yourself alone. Give both of you the opportunity to be happy, and not just live together because that’s how it’s supposed to be. Such a relationship will lead nowhere. Every time you will see her as a whore and remember this constantly. Your family life will turn into hell.
Your pain is stronger than your feelings for this woman
Every person deserves to be happy. And, if even several years after the betrayal, you cannot look at your wife without disgust, leave. Sometimes, we cannot cope with the overwhelming feelings.
You realize that every day you are getting worse. Alcohol and something more serious were used. Don't ruin your life. Whatever one may say, she committed this moronic act, and you are destroying yourself.
My advice: see a psychologist. A specialist will help restore peace of mind. But most likely, your relationship cannot be saved. Let her go, believe me, she has repented a thousand times and she also feels bad about how you are going through this situation.
She's just a whore
And this happens: you take a modest girl from a good family as your wife, and in the end you get a whore who spreads her legs left and right. Such a bitch can sit under strict upbringing for years. But having escaped from parental care, go to great lengths.
Such women do not know how to enjoy family happiness with one person. They need a lot of dicks to have fun. And, unfortunately, this cannot be corrected. Cross yourself that you noticed this now, and not at 70 years old. And with peace of mind, throw this whore out of the house. You can return it to her parents for her complete happiness.
Sometimes a wife's betrayal is a cry for help. You have been together for a long time, you have gone through fire, repairs and the birth of your first child. You plow like a horse, your wife takes care of the house. Everything is just like in the good old days. Just when you come home, you collapse on the sofa with a beer and gently pat the kids on the head, and your wife is just fine.
You are as guilty as your wife
Yes, no matter how terrible it may sound, but if the always decent and quiet wife went on someone else’s dick, the husband is partly to blame for this. Women need not just a man nearby, but emotional and physical intimacy in order to be happy. If some component is missing, she does not feel needed and loved. And a woman in despair is ready to do anything to return at least some emotion from her beloved man.
Most likely, the woman has hinted to you more than once that your relationship is a mess:
- Dear, the children miss you!
- Honey, can you come home early today?
- Darling, maybe we can have a family outing for a picnic this weekend?
She may not make scandals and generally accept that you are never home. But this did not make the wife any happier. When this condition lasts for more than one year, the attention of any man from the outside is like a breath of fresh air.
A woman needs to hear that she is the best and most desirable, and if you have sex once a month, then only if your desire does not fall on the days of the Red Army. Do you think she feels needed? Servant - yes, beloved - no.
And at that moment, when she had already cried all her tears, a horseradish appeared, who told her that she was beautiful and gave her a seedy bouquet. Of course, the woman swam.
You will not be able to continue your relationship from the save point, this is not a game. You will have to take a step back and remember those moments when you both were happy! And start again with the experience of the years we have lived together. This is a long fucking time and most likely, both of you will be in hellish pain for months. But upgrading your relationship is possible!
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Prevention of depression and first actions after your spouse cheats
How to avoid getting depressed after your spouse cheats:
- Working with self-esteem. Loss of confidence in your external attractiveness, a feeling of loss of spiritual closeness with your partner can lead to a feeling of guilt for what happened. You need to remember: each person makes his own choice, and it is not your fault that your spouse, for some reason, could not remain faithful.
- Communication with loved ones. During this period, it is important to prevent isolation and not be left alone with difficult thoughts. You need to share your experiences with people you trust.
- Respect for your feelings. No matter how strong the desire for revenge may be, what happened should not become a reason to cheat on your husband. A woman who loves her husband will not receive moral satisfaction from betrayal; she will betray her feelings and respect for the years lived in harmony. “Mutual” betrayal is a dead-end path that leads to the development of depression.
- Give yourself time. Hasty decisions about temporary separation or divorce, based on an acute psycho-emotional reaction, may turn out to be wrong. Give yourself time to understand the situation, evaluate its severity, and understand whether you want to save the marriage. A thoughtless, immediate break in a relationship is highly likely to lead to depression.
- The right to a happy life. If you decide to forgive your spouse and save your family after cheating, you have every right to do so. You should not justify your decision to friends or relatives who believe that cheating cannot be forgiven. Everything that happens in your family concerns only you and your spouse.
Your feelings for your wife are stronger than resentment
Every person can stumble. And now I do not justify the woman’s actions. Look at your attitude towards her and the family as a whole from the outside. At the very beginning, you were ready to move mountains just to see the smile on your beloved’s face. And now:
- home-work-home-work-meeting with friends on weekends. When was the last time you went somewhere together? A woman needs to feel desired and loved. And your round-the-clock work is not an indicator for her. This is important, but she needs you to look at her with the same loving eyes as you did at the beginning of the relationship.
- Sex is only on holidays. They say sex dies in marriage. Well, think logically, you are healthy people and you don’t want each other?! In marriage, sex becomes brighter and more interesting. When you are open and not shy about talking about your desires, the thrill of such fucking only increases. It’s clear that squeezing your wife three times a day won’t work. But sex should be in your life on a regular basis.
A woman needs to be wanted and fucked! And if you don't do it, sooner or later someone else will do it. She could simply be driven by her desire to feel desired and sexy again.
If you understand that you will not be happy without this woman, try to forgive. It will be hellishly difficult, but possible. Change your attitude towards her and you will see how she will transform. Perceiving your wife as a friend, ally and all that is the very last thing a real man can do.
How to survive your wife's betrayal: advice from a psychologist
Understand the reasons
Every action needs its own reasons. Cheating on your wife is no exception to the general rule. It must be said that men perceive their spouse’s infidelity much more painfully. In such a situation, they lose self-confidence and begin to blame themselves. It seems to them that something serious and irreparable threatens their life and well-being. Cheating on your wife is a serious reason to think about your life, reconsider relationships, and remember your values.
Why does your wife cheat? If there is infidelity, it means that the woman was not satisfied with something in the relationship. Feelings are extremely important for a woman, which a man, unfortunately, cannot always correctly understand and accept. When a wife does not receive enough attention from her chosen one, she can find such a relationship on the side. It is worth remembering that it is extremely important for a woman to be listened to and understood. Unfortunately, men do not always realize this.
Another reason for systematic betrayal is the character traits of a particular person. Unfortunately, there are flighty women for whom it is not enough to experience attention only from their spouse. They strive to demonstrate their superiority to the world in everything. Such a woman often seeks the attention of men and is very happy about their mutual affection.
Get rid of guilt
Quite often, in a situation where a wife’s infidelity becomes an obvious fact, decent husbands begin to look for the reason for her behavior in themselves. They don't know what to do and are completely confused and desperate. Feelings of guilt arise after the betrayal of a beloved woman. It seems that the world is collapsing right before our eyes and nothing can be done about it. Competent advice from a psychologist is to help a person get rid of feelings of guilt. This is a negative factor that destroys an already difficult relationship in a couple.
How to help yourself in this situation? A man should understand that betrayal, unfortunately, has become the choice of his soulmate. It is impossible to deny it, just as it is impossible to endlessly deceive yourself. For some reason, the wife did not look for complex ways to improve relationships, but decided to follow the path of least resistance. You should accept what has already happened. You cannot turn back time, reach a state of calm when you were not yet aware of what had happened. Don't torment yourself needlessly with doubts and fears. Let go of the guilt. Understand that you were not the one who acted destructively in this situation. The person who resorted to treason must understand why he needs it. Sometimes it happens that the wife is not going to tell the truth. But it's still worth trying to talk. Sometimes it is enough to solve some old problems for relationships to begin to improve.
Take a break
After the betrayal has become known, it is best to give yourself time to cool down and calm down a little. Why is such a pause necessary? If this is not done, there is a high probability that the deceived spouse will lose his balance. In a fit of anger, you can say a lot of insulting words to each other, take rash steps, which in the end will inevitably lead the couple to separation. If you really find it difficult to control yourself, and the situation is heating up, it is better to limit direct contact with a loved one for a while. This is why many husbands are in a hurry to leave home. You can stay with friends for a while. This will give you the opportunity to calm down and carefully think through the sequence of subsequent actions. Take your time, give yourself a chance to use the situation for the benefit of both of you. In most cases, this problem can be solved. Cheating does not mean that the relationship is over. It forces spouses to look at themselves and their significant other in a new way, to rethink something. Betrayal as a fact indicates that close people have become distant and have ceased to understand each other. It doesn’t even occur to happy couples to look to strangers for consolation or entertainment. Relationships on the side are just a way to relax and relieve emotional stress. Unfortunately, not everyone realizes in time the error of their chosen method.
Talk about what happened
When the necessary pause has been taken after the fact of betrayal, you need to think especially carefully about how to live further. No one can take this important and serious step for you. How to survive betrayal? Don't run away from the problem. You must understand that it is unlikely to resolve on its own. Be sure to talk to your significant other about what happened. If you let your emotions subside, and did not start to sort things out right away, with screams and scandals, there is a chance of achieving quite good results. Conversations will help you free yourself from oppressive feelings of guilt, pain and despair. During the conversation, try not to blame, not to look for flaws in your partner, but to analyze what your behavior or the needs of your partner led to this outcome. It is best to conduct the conversation in the form of questions and answers, but they should not resemble an interrogation. Drop the blame, at least for a while, and see how much easier it will be for both of you. The form of open monologue is welcomed, when the husband reveals to his wife the full depth of his inner experiences about how to survive her betrayal. Do not hesitate to express your own feelings, make it clear that you are very suffering and worried.
Understand that if you hush up the problem, you will not solve it. The deceived partner will mentally return to this situation all his life and feel extremely unhappy. If the significant reasons for the betrayal are not discussed in time, the resentment may remain for a long time. And this in no way contributes to preserving the marriage and strengthening the relationship.
Thus, a wife’s betrayal is an unpleasant event that should push the husband to think about living together and the ability to understand his other half.
Source: psyh.info
17 years of marriage. Last year my wife fell in love with another man and lost her head. A woman in love does not control herself and is not too encrypted, and does not see other men around her except her beloved. Swollen lips from kisses, a flushed face from kissing a man with slight stubble, excessive hygiene of intimate parts, night SMS and whispered conversations in another room, the smell of champagne and foreign men's perfume - all this indirectly should have made me sound the alarm. I understood that I would not see anything rational in this emotional passion, I understood that things were heading towards divorce, since she regarded the relationship with the man as serious and with the prospect of starting a new life. I accidentally read an unfinished SMS on my phone left on the table. The whole picture has taken shape, all the facts have come together into a single whole. But... A man doesn’t care what to promise, just to get him into bed and see passion in his eyes, the more painful the woman’s disappointment is.
Yes, this happened to my wife too. After 3 months of relationship, they broke up, after which she was depressed. Attempts to talk ended in vain. It’s as if the stool was knocked out from under my feet, my hands dropped, I don’t want to do anything. I see her attempts to improve relations, but somehow silently: she suddenly began to cook and do laundry, although this had never happened before and she had to do the laundry and cook for herself. I thought that a frank conversation would change everything, but the conversation does not happen. I suddenly realized that I was unloved and had never been loved; I had lived in an illusion for so many years, limited by various kinds of taboos and the word “duty.” It's so painful to realize this! I’m not an angel myself, but I never even thought about losing my head and dreaming of divorce! And now I myself don’t know what I want, I’m slowly abandoning my business, I started smoking, I realized that all my actions are not appreciated or accepted! Perhaps I wrote chaotically, but now I obey the “stream of consciousness”. I can't forgive. I will forgive you if he asks for forgiveness.
Source: vezha.com
It was revenge
Remember, did you happen to have any problems for which your wife would like to take revenge on you? Perhaps you, too, once went to the left, but were sure that your woman would not find out anything? You see, Sherlock sleeps inside every sweet girl. Sleeps for the time being.
They call it “intuition.” When we squint, they go into exactly the pocket where the mistress’s panties are. Just like that, even if they haven’t touched your pockets before.
If this is actually the case, then man, round! 1:1. Your prank was avenged, and now it’s worth thinking about: can you live with this or not? But most likely, this situation will change your attitude towards each other.
Yes, there will be an unpleasant conversation. But, if you can find a common language, both you and your wife will burn with each other!
Read also: Take off your horns, they don’t suit you! Female infidelity: how to recognize and prevent it?
Your relationship will become...different
I cannot say that after your wife cheats, your relationship will become stronger and brighter or a million times worse. But you definitely won’t be able to continue living as before. What will this give you both:
- You will be able to express to each other all the crap that has been accumulating in you for years.
Imagine, maybe you always wanted to spank your wife, but then it turned out that it was BDSM that she needed in your bed.
- In the process of talking and breaking dishes, you will remember why you fell in love with each other. Your wife will definitely encourage you to remember the details of your meeting. You will be able to restore the chronology of your relationship and find the reason.
If you can’t do this on your own, contact a family psychologist. At his sessions you will definitely find what threw your wife into the arms of someone else's dick.
- You will build a completely new model of family relationships. Yes, at first there will be constant paranoia and surveillance on your part, but by changing your attitude towards a woman, you will see how prettier she is. And all this trash will disappear as unnecessary.
make up your mind
When you evaluate what happened with a sober look and can communicate with your wife without reproaches and insults, you will have to meet, preferably on neutral territory. Calmly listen to your wife's explanation. She will tell you about the reasons for infidelity, about her feelings and plans. You will understand your wife's position and decide whether you should continue the relationship.
If a woman sincerely repents and asks to give her a chance, don’t act rashly, try to understand and forgive, because everyone has the right to make a mistake. It will not be easy for you, but if your loved one remains truly close, you need to make an effort to save the family.
If betrayal is not a momentary weakness, not a desire for revenge, and not a search for variety in intimate life, but love, let it go. It’s stupid to try to forcefully keep a woman who doesn’t have the same feelings for you, because she’s no longer with you in body or soul.
If this is not the first time your wife has cheated and asks for forgiveness, claiming that it’s not about you, think about it - she won’t change, and you will have to experience these feelings again and again.
Psychologists believe that it will not be possible to forgive your wife’s betrayal and move on as if nothing had happened. Especially if the man is pathologically jealous. The fact that the woman he loved was in someone else's arms drives such a husband into a rage that is uncontrollable. If the spouses still want to be together, they will need the help of a family psychologist.
If you love a sincerely repentant wife and want to forgive her, you can perceive infidelity as an illness that happened unexpectedly and deprived your beloved of the strength to resist. This psychological trick will allow both of you to quickly cope with the situation and move on, since female infidelity is not a tragedy.
When establishing relationships, do not forget about the reasons that pushed your soulmate onto the path of betrayal. Give your wife enough attention, emphasize the attractiveness of your wife, remind her of your feelings and confirm them not only with words, but also with actions.
Oksana, Moscow
This is your chance to grow
You can call your wife a whore three hundred times, but by 301 you will understand that a pumped-up man’s wife does not cheat on him. When you are confident, you have normal self-esteem, you know what you are striving for, a woman will not need to look for something else on the side.
Such a man always knows where to stroke, how to caress and what to say to his beloved woman in order to be the only one for her. And no, it’s not: “I’ll knock the shit out if I see you with someone!”
Upgrade yourself, develop your woman. You will both understand how to resolve conflicts in your relationship without fucking around and blowing your mind. You need to become worthy of each other.
Is it worth forgiving betrayal?
A person should always be honest with himself, so a deceived man needs to understand whether he can continue to live with his wife. If he does not feel the strength to forget about the betrayal, then there is no point in trying to keep the woman. Such deception must be forgiven once and for all, erasing the fact that happened from life and never returning to it. It’s worth talking about it again, and the restored trust will disappear, resentment and pain will again overwhelm you, and everything will collapse.
If a man understands that his life has no meaning without the woman he loves, then he must forgive the betrayal and forget about it. This way you can return feelings and restore trust. This will be the birth of a new family, starting its journey from the very beginning.
