What to do for an unfaithful wife after cheating on her husband - instructions for unfaithful wives

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To get rid of feelings of guilt after cheating on your husband or wife, it is very useful to get advice from someone. Choose someone you can trust, because the secret must be kept secret.

If you have a friend who also cheated on someone, then this is a good choice, since he himself found himself in a similar situation and will be able to treat what happened with understanding.

Avoid talking to someone who might feel guilty for keeping your secret. Firstly, keeping someone else's secret, especially of this nature, is a big moral burden that he did not choose for himself. You will feel better after the conversation, and how about him? Secondly, the severity of someone else’s betrayal will put him in a dilemma - to remain silent means possibly betraying someone close, to say - to destroy someone else’s relationship. In this case, a person may not be able to bear the burden of responsibility and tell.

It is for this reason that you choose very carefully who you want to tell such a delicate secret to.

Now let's talk about the best way to start a conversation with a trusted person. To begin to get rid of the guilt of cheating, go up and say: “I made a huge mistake and cheated. I know it was wrong, but I don't want it to ruin my relationship."

Then continue to explain the context of the events that led to the infidelity and ask for advice. For example, should you tell your partner and, if so, how to do it?

The emotional state of a man after betrayal

A man, like a woman, can be talkative, emotional, and unrestrained, so it is considered unacceptable to blame him for this.
There are simply ladies who do not want to put up with such male behavior, and therefore speak harshly against them. Sex is an excellent way of emotional release, and natural instincts do not always imply feelings of love or attraction to a partner. Therefore, betrayal in most cases is a sporting interest, a hunt for “trophies,” but at the same time, a test of one’s own feelings for one’s wife.

Men are less dramatic, so they are easily seduced, unlike women, for whom doing such an act is like conquering mountain peaks.

Men will undoubtedly feel a sense of guilt after cheating, but not for very long, since they deal with the consequences, as usual, afterward. As popular wisdom says, “after a fight you don’t wave your fists,” so blaming the male sex for betrayal is, on the one hand, stupid, and on the other, pointless. The big mistake women make is to consider themselves smarter than them, and therefore they certainly carry out educational lectures and moral teachings with frenzy, although on the contrary they should choose the tactics of silence and silence.

Help from a psychologist

If you cheated on your husband or wife and your conscience is tormenting you, then seeking advice from a psychologist online can also help you cope with the situation. No one will know about your conversation, and a qualified specialist will tell you how best to proceed. This conversation is no different from a standard visit to a psychologist, only you remain in a comfortable environment for yourself, and not in someone else’s office.

You can also look for support groups on the Internet. There you can talk to others who have dealt with this type of guilt before and find out how they overcame it.

And also, to relieve remorse after betrayal, you can turn to a family psychologist. If you have cheated on your husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend many times, you may need to work with a professional to address the root cause of your actions.

Together you can identify the need that is not being met and is why you continue to cheat.

When you stop cheating, you will immediately begin to feel less guilt, and most importantly, you will become freer. After all, you will understand what the reason for this behavior is.

Ways to get rid of remorse

Azerbaijan, Baku, May 13 / corr. Trend Life Nigar Musayeva/

It is not known what our readers did in the past, but according to the results of the next survey, Trend Life, most of them, as many as 81.00%, are tormented by some kind of remorse... 9.00%, on the contrary, have a completely clear conscience. 4.00% have no conscience at all, and 3.00% admitted that they have more than enough sins in their souls, so their conscience is not at all clear.

Scientists' opinion

The nature of conscience (like the nature of many other human feelings) has not yet been properly studied. To the point that some even doubt its existence. However, scientists still somehow formulated all their thoughts on this matter, and came up with a very vague, but still a definition. In their opinion, conscience is a person’s need to bear responsibility for his actions, which is realized through a feeling of internal discomfort when violating his own moral rules.

And if you think about this definition, the thought involuntarily arises that reproaching someone by calling to conscience is, in principle, a useless exercise. After all, if everyone has their own “moral code,” then there cannot be a single criterion of conscience, a single moral code of conduct... This state of affairs even makes one feel rather scared, because it smacks of anarchy and permissiveness. Fortunately, not everything is actually so bad - the majority of internal judges, who, if something happens, begin to drip unpleasantly onto our brains, are brought up on universal human criteria of decency.

Laughing it off with conscience

But it’s impossible to talk about this lofty matter exclusively seriously - you’ll die of boredom or torture yourself for putting a button on the teacher’s chair in the 5th grade. And people joke. They joke about conscience wildly, tirelessly and with gusto. Mikhail Zhvanetsky, for example, says that “a completely clear conscience is a sign of poor memory.” And I think that he is absolutely right - you can hardly find such saints who have never committed even the smallest offense in their lives, even on the pages of the Bible. Although, of course, the teacher who sat on the button and the deceived investors of MMM JSC are two different things. However, it is still unknown who repents more of what he did - that same fifth-grader or Sergei Mavrodi.

Another comedian smiles disarmingly: “my conscience is clear - I don’t use it.” The third calls to be more humane and feed the unfortunate animal, because “if your conscience does not gnaw at you, it will die of hunger.” In a word, people are trying in every possible way to loosen the shackles that their conscience puts on them.

How to get rid of remorse

In order to be happy, you need to be in harmony with yourself, which means not to be tormented by remorse. Of course, the best way to avoid this is to not do anything dirty at all. But, alas, this is impossible. So what if you didn’t betray anyone and didn’t take your husband away from the family? But in the morning they did not give up a seat on the bus to the elderly woman. And for some (admittedly, there are not many of them) this is already a reason to suffer all day. So we offer you a list of “folk” methods of dealing with remorse:

1) Find yourself an adviser who “will not advise you anything bad.” In a word - an authoritative like-minded person. In doubtful cases, feel free to contact him for advice. Follow them. And as soon as your conscience begins to pester you, refer to your advisor. Well, what else could you do after receiving such advice from such a person? And conscience will recede. She also respects authority. 2) Study history. You don’t need to learn all of history, just read the jokes about historical figures. It is known that many of them often committed unscrupulous acts. Take Aristotle, for example, who betrayed his friend and teacher Plato (remember: “Plato is my friend, but the truth is dearer”?). Or Napoleon, who declared war on his own father-in-law, the Austrian Emperor Franz I... However, no one blames them for this. Moreover, it was thanks to their treachery that both of them and many others became what they became. 3) Take comfort in alternative moral concepts. When cheating on your wife, remember that Islam allows polygamy. When deceiving a friend, do not forget about Buddhism, which puts you at the center of existence. Without standing up for the weak, motivate this by the fact that Taoist doing nothing is the only path of the sage. There are also more advanced concepts. Thus, according to subjective idealists, the whole world is nothing more than a figment of your imagination. So let him play out, don’t constrain him within the framework of decency that someone came up with... 4) Choose a good goal. But one that justifies unscrupulous means. It should not be different from your business plan. The main thing is not to be ashamed of her. Because if you are ashamed of your goal, no means will help. (You’ll also ruin your business). 5) Drink, smoke and eat in excess. This will help you earn sclerosis. Humanity has not yet come up with anything better for remorse. You simply won't remember all the nasty things you've done. Conscience is powerless against this. 6) Treat your misdeeds with humor. Humor is a very effective tool. They say that it kills even such a powerful thing as the sexual instinct - what can we say about conscience? 7) Donate money to orphans and disabled people, the poor and single mothers. These donations will be a good bargaining chip in an argument with your conscience. Master the practice of self-flagellation. This procedure, like playing sports, strengthens the spirit. In the Middle Ages, self-flagellation was widespread among the Dominicans and Jesuits. No wonder the fame of their atrocities still excites some minds.

9) Repent. Repentance disarms the conscience. She simply will have nothing to show you. Even in heaven, a repentant sinner is valued more than an inveterate righteous person. Confess small sins. This will deceive your conscience, and great sins will remain beyond its reproaches.

Such “tricks”... Of course, all this is 90% a joke. And the remaining 10% can be useful to those who use the main way not to be eaten alive by their conscience - they do not commit immoral and vile acts. Probably, such conscience can still make some concessions and allow them to come to an agreement with themselves if we are talking about something small.

Faith in God

If you are a believer, when your conscience is tormented after betrayal, you can ask your spiritual mentor for a personal meeting, where you will have the opportunity to receive support.

By performing the necessary rituals, you can overcome feelings of guilt. For example, by reading holy scripture, praying, meditating, etc. Your faith can tell you how to move forward after cheating.

Following spiritual practices can provide peace and acceptance that minimizes feelings of guilt towards your husband or wife for cheating.

How to forgive yourself

Here are the basic tips from a psychologist that you should follow if you cheated on your husband or wife and your conscience is tormenting you.

Accept that you are only human. Transform your guilt into something empowering by practicing self-compassion. You are not the first and not the last cheater in the world - there were many others in your place. Recognize that your offense is not unique and then you will not feel so guilty for the mistake.

You may say to yourself, “I'm only human. I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes. “I did wrong, but I can try to make things right and become better in the future.”

This does not justify the offense itself, but it helps alleviate suffering.

Partner knows nothing

In this case, it is worth starting from how serious the betrayal was:

1. A simple affair on the side, when a colleague had his eye on a woman, but she could not resist the base impulse. The situation usually involves drinking alcohol.
2. Serious feelings for another man arose.

In the first case, although your conscience is tormenting you, you should remain silent, forget and simply reconsider your behavior as a couple and become better. Statistics show that few men are ready to forgive their chosen one for betrayal. No one knows what the partner’s reaction will be, so it’s better not to take risks.

READ What to do to prevent your husband from cheating: psychological techniques and esoteric methods

If strong feelings flared up on the other side, you should try to calmly talk with your current partner and suggest breaking up. Continuing to deceive a person is irresponsible and cruel. A woman steals his time and mental strength, acting in her own selfish interests.

Write about the situation

This is another not obvious, but well-working way to get rid of the feeling of guilt for cheating. It can help ease remorse and give more objectivity in understanding the situation. You may even find a specific solution while writing the text.

Describe in vivid detail what happened. For example: “I slept with my ex. I regret it and don't want my partner to find out, but I don't know how to move forward."

If you're worried about someone else reading this, you can immediately put the paper in a shredder or set it on fire. This act of destruction will also symbolize that the betrayal (and guilt) should not continue to affect you, but rather will become the impetus for understanding the mistake and correcting it.

How to understand remorse - recommendations

It should be noted that without conscience we would all be lost long ago. There are many theories that define the word "conscience". For example, in the Bible the word conscience means “knowing oneself.”

At the same time, God himself gave us the ability to know ourselves, that is, in other words, every person can look at himself from the outside and evaluate himself, or his actions, feelings or decisions. Conscience contributes to our joy, but sometimes it greatly torments us.

Everyone has their own concept and idea of ​​conscience. For example, some say that conscience is a personal cache where a person’s spiritual qualities are stored. Others argue that only those who observe from the side have it, because in their opinion, the one who acts has no conscience.

There is also an opinion that conscience is an enemy, this is the opinion of those who want to achieve success in life as soon as possible, even if success comes through dishonest labor.

Regardless of the point of view you choose, we advise you to listen to your conscience. In order not to feel remorse, you must work on yourself, because only then selfish desires will not have a strong influence on your conscience.

Very often, conscience tells us which direction we need to move and how to act in different situations. At the same time, sometimes we deviate from the direction we have chosen, at this moment we are tormented by remorse, since a person understands within himself that he is doing something wrong.

At the same time, only a few can endure remorse for a long time; as a rule, at such moments, people become depressed, especially if they have done something terrible. For example, betrayal of a friend, someone calmly apologizes and pretends that nothing happened, but someone cannot even look into the eyes of the one they betrayed.

At this moment his conscience torments him, he becomes irritable, nervous, and until he speaks out completely, his conscience will torment him. This is usually done by people whose parents paid special attention to their upbringing. Since childhood, they have instilled in him moral values, and deviation from them after betrayal gnaws at him greatly.

This is an important aspect of psychological assistance to those suffering from this condition, because the issue of getting rid of it cannot be solved in simple ways for a large number of people. It is noteworthy that everyone experiences this completely individually and therefore requires completely different approaches to correcting the condition.

Remorse is that objective feeling that torments a person and does not allow him to calmly rethink the seriousness of what happened. Arising for completely different reasons, some of which are related to relationships, caused by insults or harm, failure to fulfill one’s official obligations, they complicate professional activity and prevent one from starting the next stage of life.

Focus on the future

This is the next tip on what to do if you cheated.

It’s easy to blame yourself for treason, but such reflections on the past are harmful in a global sense. When feelings of guilt appear, psychologists recommend not developing them, but asking yourself: “What to do now?” and try to constantly take positive steps, even small positive actions.

To make up for cheating, take your partner on a romantic date or promise yourself to spend more time with him. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.

Tips for saving relationships

Trust is the foundation of partnerships. It is difficult to get along with an unreliable person, so waiting for the immediate restoration of the couple even after the man has forgiven the betrayal is stupid. This takes some time, just like healing any wound. There are several recommendations in this regard:

1. Be honest. You shouldn't promise eternal devotion and love by downloading a dating app.
2. Spend more time with your partner. This way he will be able to trust the girl without imagining pictures of another betrayal.
3. Try not to hide from your loved one even over small things. Don't flinch when he enters the room and don't delete your browser history.

Only deeply loving people are able to forgive betrayal. This should be appreciated and previous mistakes should not be repeated. There will definitely not be a second chance.

Female infidelity differs from male infidelity, but is often almost unconscious. It's better to keep everything a secret. If he finds out about the misconduct, then to regain the favor of his partner he will have to go through a difficult path.

Wait a little

Feelings of guilt and torment of conscience in front of your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, like other emotions, weaken over time. Instead of wondering what to do here and now, be patient and eventually they will disappear.

Avoid negative decisions that can lead to depression, drug addiction or other emotional problems. Even if your conscience is tormented by betrayal, then avoid loneliness, excessive immersion in work, and the use of alcohol or drugs.

None of these methods are constructive. If you cannot cope with the surging sensations, consult a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Try to improve

Complete the relationship within the love triangle to overcome your guilt.

The only sure way to move forward is to stop cheating.

Being in two relationships at once is unfair to both the person you're cheating on and the person you're cheating with. To avoid tormenting conscience after cheating, decide who you want to be with and end the secondary relationship.

For example, if you fell in love with someone else and no longer love your boyfriend or girlfriend, end the relationship and commit yourself to a new person. If you regret cheating on your spouse and want to strengthen your marriage, stop dating your lover. This act will be fair to all participants.

Think about whether to confess

If your partner doesn't already know about the cheating, don't think that confessing will make you feel better. Confessions of infidelity bring enormous pain, mistrust and uncertainty into a relationship. Weigh the pros and cons before telling your partner about what happened.

You must confess if:

1. Cheating involves unprotected sex that puts the health of the original partner at risk.
2. Is there a chance that the partner will find out from another source.

All other things being equal, if you cheated on your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife and your conscience is tormenting you, then telling the truth is the best option if you want to save the relationship. Keep in mind that not confessing further undermines your partner's ability to trust you.

Why and in what cases does a wife cheat on her husband?

• The wife is the head of the family . This situation is not at all uncommon in our time. And it is precisely with such a role in the family that a woman’s chances of committing adultery greatly increase. In this case, the places of the “components” change, and the wife, changing the traditional worldview, decides that the right to the forbidden fruit belongs to her in fact - “I’m in charge here, and all the dissatisfied dependents can go to their mother.”
• Physical dissatisfaction within the confines of your bed If the sexual relationship of the spouses is a “five-minute race” in honor of March 8 (or even more often, but mechanically, for show, with an interesting series or football), then the natural development of events is an involuntary search for someone who can give this suppress the “hunger”. As a rule, relationships with this “someone” become one-time (although, sometimes, they develop into a long-lasting romance), and the family collapses.
• Adultery at work And there are options. One is boldly pursued by a colleague, shamelessly wrapping her in a trail of mind-blowing perfume, “accidentally” touching her hand and winking invitingly in the direction of the cafeteria. Sooner or later (if there are prerequisites in the form of problems in the family), the woman’s “defense” falls, and a new client for the anonymous circle “Hello, my name is Alla, I cheated on my husband” is ready. Another option is corporate events. Under the influence of alcohol and emotions eager to be unleashed, women do a lot of stupid things.
• Vacation - go for a walk, go for a walk! In some families, oddly enough, it is customary to vacation separately. Perhaps to take a break from each other and have time to miss your other half. And sometimes it just doesn’t work out to go on vacation together - work keeps you busy. As a result, the wife goes with her girlfriend and... The sea, a warm evening, a glass of wine, hot tanned guys from another country - and the “I’m married!” program. my head goes into sleep mode.
• Extreme This option can be attributed to dissatisfaction in bed with your husband, but here everything is a little more complicated. Just stability “in bed” is not everything. There are also ladies who are simply bored without “pepper” and experiments. Casual sex, sex with a boss in an office, with a colleague on a desk, with a friend in a restaurant toilet, etc. becomes extreme, exciting from head to toe, etc. Of course, not all options at once (this is a very difficult case), but one of them. And repentance with pangs of conscience usually does not happen after such a marathon. If the spouse is able to satisfy all the extreme desires of his half, then the need for betrayal for her simply disappears.
• “Heredity” There are many exceptions to this rule. But it is still a proven fact that a girl, in front of whose mother regularly changed admirers, begins to believe that such behavior is the norm. And going on a spree from your husband (if you really wanted to, the cards were stacked and the night was so wonderful) - it’s not scary. He won't know anything anyway.
• Age Again, a rule with an exception (one size does not apply to everyone). But young wives are still too unstable in what they generally want from life. And divorce in the event of a small affair usually does not scare them - “oh well, there are people like you in line behind me.” Adult women are more stable in relationships. They already know that one of the pillars on which a family rests is trust. And the percentage of adultery among adult women is extremely low. Moreover, the “queue of fans” is getting shorter and shorter every year.
• Long separation A spouse is in the army, on a business trip, a spouse is a sailor or a truck driver, etc. A woman tired of loneliness (but, of course, faithful) suddenly meets a man who “understands” her and is ready to lend his strong “friendly” shoulder. A strong shoulder quickly transforms into a hot embrace, into which the woman falls without even thinking. Because I’ve already forgotten what it’s like. Of course, in the morning you will be ashamed. And before her husband arrives, the woman will have time to exhaust herself with remorse so much that she either immediately confesses, or by that time she will understand that, in principle, there is nothing to talk about. Because “the husband is still the best.”
• Bad example: Some women get together to cross-stitch. Others discuss global problems and “how to get a child to do his homework.” The third of the meetings organizes a competition - who has the “branded” handbag, more expensive boots, darker tan and more lovers. There are others, of course, but the third option is the most “senseless and merciless.” “Having a lover” is almost a matter of prestige for some girls. Like a nice car or a $2,000 dog. And young girls who have fallen under the influence of such ladies also begin to think that it’s normal to go on a spree from a fool husband (his “wallet with legs”).
• Revenge and resentment are a powerful factor. This reason for betrayal is the most common. "An eye for an eye", treason for treason. Naturally, there is no need to talk about saving the family in such a situation. Although it happens that such a mutual shake-up becomes the beginning of a new stable life for both spouses.
• Inattentiveness of the husband Every family once comes to a moment of tiredness from each other or a “moment of crisis.” And it depends on both of them whether they will survive this period without shocks or split up, tired of throwing firewood into the family hearth. As a rule, the scenario is the same: the husband no longer speaks kind words, does not make surprises, does not kiss him when leaving at work, he has to be taken by storm in bed, etc. Tired of futile attempts to change the situation, the woman begins to look around.