How to regain a girl's trust: what to say during an apology
Of course, words of apology are indispensable. First, what not to do:
– indulge in spatial reasoning about why this happened;
– relieve yourself of blame by blaming circumstances or other people;
- beg (beg) for forgiveness: “Please, forgive me, I beg you”;
– avoid the word apology altogether;
– avoid conversations and debriefings.
Now I will give a few phrases of apology. You can take any of them and use it.
“I understand that you are angry and disappointed with my behavior right now. You're not sure you can trust me again, and I'm really sorry that happened. I shouldn't have betrayed you."
You voice how she feels, win her over, show the connection between your feelings and hers, and say what you want her to believe.
“Now I understand how much my stupid act makes you feel anger, pain and rage towards me.”
“I love you baby and I cherish you very much. It's my fault. I'm very sorry this happened."
“I analyzed what just happened. This will never happen again."
“Forgive me, my girl. I'm really to blame for you. Know that I didn't mean to hurt you. This is the most important thing for me now.”
I think you know the saying, “Strike while the iron is hot.” The same rule can be applied in our case. For example, if a girl has just caught you doing something forbidden and ugly, then after the words:
"I'm sorry!"
You can go straight to seduction and sex. Yes exactly.
Replace her negative emotions with positive ones, shifting the vector of attention. After making love, the girl will be relaxed, positive and happy. If she wants to again raise the issue of that ugly act of yours, then gently apologize again. But, most likely, she will no longer return to him.
Trust on the first date
Trust can only be earned over time. However, its initial beginnings will already appear on the first date if the guy does everything right. How to earn trust on a first date?
- Speak confidently and calmly, without bragging. Only an insecure person needs to brag in order to embellish, “blur” his eyes, and evoke a false positive attitude towards himself. A calm and confident person automatically inspires trust.
- Look straight into the eyes. If a person is deceiving, he usually hides his eyes. If a guy looks into a girl’s eyes, then she understands that they are communicating with her sincerely.
- Discuss topics that are sincere. These topics are “Memories of childhood”, “Tragic stories that touch the soul”, “Unhappy love for which the guy does not blame anyone”, “Dreams and desires associated with love”. Talk about children (or about yourself as a child), about feelings and a wonderful future - this will melt the ice in the girl’s heart.
- Try to be natural. No need to wear a mask. The girl will begin to trust if your words do not differ from your behavior.
Distrust is doubt about the reliability of information about another person. People don’t trust and make a problem out of it: “I don’t trust you. Make me trust you." In fact, if you don't trust, then you need to find out the truth about the other person. Don't suffer because you don't trust, but get busy finding out the truth about your partner.
Mistrust arises every time a certain truth is revealed and a person’s expectations are not met. You could have been deceived - and you stop trusting. You expected one thing and got something else - now you don't trust. In fact, trust is very easily lost and restored more difficult.
If you doubt another person, then you will have to personally work to find out the whole truth. There is no need to cast aside doubts, you need to debunk them. You may be right that some people can't be trusted. Don't trust, but verify.
What is trust? This is when you believe everything another person tells you. You agree that your partner's actions and words are honest. Moreover, you do not check them, but unconditionally believe that this is so. This is why trust is easily lost: the information you were given may turn out to be false. If you find out that you have been lied to, you will be disappointed. At the same time, trust is lost - the desire to believe a person without checks and evidence.
Prepare to be a villain for a while
Your girlfriend won't trust you as easily as she used to after you lied. In addition, she will not be able to love and treat you tenderly in the same way for a while.
You made a mistake, you have to deal with the consequences. Therefore, be prepared for the fact that she will consider you a villain until you correct everything and enough time has passed. A kind of fierce wolf that you should beware of in everything.
Use this post (opens in a new tab) for dating ideas while rebuilding trust.
How long does it take to regain a girl's trust?
There is no right answer to this question and no set time for solving the problem. It all depends on the nature of the relationship, its duration and emotional attachment to each other. The act itself that led to the loss of trust also plays an important role.
Be patient
How to regain a guy's trust in the shortest possible time? No way, psychologists answer. Forgiveness never comes instantly, and therefore you should not hope in vain and put pressure on your partner. This can only lead to new outbreaks of irritation. The best thing a girl can do in this case is to listen to her feelings, both her own and those of her loved one. The pain that a man feels at this moment is incredibly strong, so it cannot just stop in one moment. Moreover, if you decide to maintain a relationship after betrayal, you must understand that everything will not be the same as before. It will be incredibly difficult at first. However, you should not think that sooner or later you will break up anyway. The statistics are encouraging: 70% of couples who have experienced deception remain together if the partners take the right actions.
Steps
Talk to her
- Apologize.
If you want to regain her trust, the first thing you need to do is sincerely apologize for your lies and her hurt. If you cheated on her, lied to her about a weekend with friends or hid something about yourself, she will be hurt, she will be confused, for her, you will be a different person whom she does not know. Let her know that you realize how difficult you have made her life and that you are very sorry for what happened.
- Don’t say “sorry” because “it’s the right thing to do” – say it because you think so. If you are not sincere, she will see it.
When you ask for forgiveness, look into her eyes, speak slowly and lean towards her so that she feels your attention.
- You don't need to ask for forgiveness a hundred times - the main thing is quality, not quantity.
- Make it clear that you understand all the pain and suffering you have caused her. If she thinks you don't realize it, she won't want to listen to you.
- Make it clear that you are also hurt because of your mistake, although in general, do not focus attention on yourself.
- Be sincere about your action.
You don't need to go into detail about what happened if you know it will cause her more pain; be honest about the reasons for your lies. Maybe you wanted to protect her, maybe you knew the truth would hurt her, or maybe you were ashamed of the truth and wanted to hide it. Whatever your reason, let her know why you did what you did - this will show that you accept responsibility for your action, and that you have realized the seriousness of what happened, for the future.
- By telling the truth about why you lie, she will feel that you will be honest in the future.
Knowing your motives, she will be able to put herself in your shoes.
- Know when to not tell the truth. If you wanted to spend time with another girl, out of boredom or desire, then it's better not to mention it.
- Promise that it won't happen again - and be sincere.
First, make sure this doesn't happen again. If you doubt your future actions and think that you may make the same mistake, then do not torture the girl and work on yourself before entering into another relationship. If you are sure that you can be trusted, promise her that such a story will not happen again.
- Be sincere. Don't make empty promises.
Let her know that your actions will be stronger than your words and from now on your actions will match your promises.
- Promise that you will change.
Tell her that you will work on yourself to become a better, more collected person who will not lie to her. Be open, tell her that this process will take some time, reassure her that you will do everything you can to change for her. If you have a plan for how to change for the better, maybe a journal, a psychiatrist, or anything that can help you become a more open and honest person - tell her about it, you will sound more truthful.
- Once again, let her know that you won't be able to change overnight, but you are willing to do whatever it takes to regain her trust.
Regaining her trust
- Give her time and space.
After you have told her everything you wanted to say, you need to give her time and space. The worst thing you can do is constantly pester her with your presence - don't "smother" her with your persistence. Instead, let her know that you won't bother her and will wait for her to call when she's ready. This doesn't mean you need to ignore her, it means you need to step away and give her time to think.
- You can text or call once every few days, but only if she wants to talk to you.
- You can make a small gesture like writing her a letter to let her know that you are thinking about her.
- If you meet, be friendly, but don't talk to her for too long, she may get the impression that you were waiting for her.
- Be patient.
Time for a girl will be as important as space. You need to be patient and wait until she makes the first move, instead of pretending like nothing happened or insisting. To do this, you need patience, even if you spend a lot of time together, don't expect her to forgive you right away. Don't ask about her decision every two seconds, don't try to arrange romantic meetings - she herself must take the first step.
- Even if you spend time together, don't expect everything to be the same. Be careful with touching, compliments, and in general during your meetings.
Don't hang your nose. It's normal that you want to be forgiven as quickly as possible, but unfortunately, that's not how the world works.
- Be yourself. You don't need to talk about this incident all the time. Just be careful, but at the same time, act natural and wait for her trust to return.
- Be reliable.
If you want your girlfriend to trust you, be a reliable person, even if you haven't been that way in the past. This means that you should always be ready to be there for her, to help her, to keep your word, to be on time for dates - or even a little earlier.
- Try to be helpful and support her. Let her see that you will always be there. Even if you haven't attended her basketball games before, go and show her that you care about her life.
Let her open up to you and talk about her problems. This will mean the return of trust.
- Be there, but don't run after her - be yourself and help her at the same time. You don't want her to think of you as a guy chasing her, it won't work in your favor.
- Be available.
If you want to regain a girl's trust, you will have to be available to her. You don't have to fill her in on every detail of your day, but she does need to have an idea of where you are currently at, otherwise she'll start worrying again. If she calls or texts you, you should call her back as quickly as possible. If you keep her waiting for hours or days, she will begin to doubt that you can change.
- You, as if not on purpose, can say what you will do during her absence. If you are going to a football match with your friends, buy her a toy with the logo of your favorite club. If you're visiting your uncle's house on the coast, take a photo and send it to her, saying, "I wish you were here too."
Don't be weird. If you are spending time together and you need to leave, fill her in on your reasons for leaving.
- This doesn't mean you need to have a GPS transmitter in your car - it does mean it needs to have a general idea of what you're doing so it doesn't have to worry.
- Even if you are absent for several days, do not forget to contact her. Call or send a message to say how much you miss you.
- Continue to be sincere.
As your meetings increase, continue to be honest. Talk to her if you're sad, confused, or hurt, and let her know if you're feeling choked up and can't keep it up. She will want to know how you feel so she can understand what's going on in your head. If you lie to her again, everything will be over between you.
- Be calm and tell her what's on your mind. Slowly, trust will begin to return to you. You don't have to say "whatever" is on your mind, but try to be open to it.
If you want to be nice, you can send her flowers, but don't overdo it. If she's angry, then maybe she's not ready for your gifts yet.
Keep her trust
- Make her feel special.
Perhaps her trust is returning, but how to maintain it? She should feel special, that she means a lot to you, and that you won't lie to her in the future. Act like a gentleman, ask her out on romantic dates, compliment her appearance and character, and show interest in her hobbies and accomplishments.
- If she looks beautiful, don't be afraid to tell her so.
Send flowers or a love poem if you feel like it.
- Ask her opinion, perhaps it will be your new hairstyle or some other event.
- Be interested in her life. Ask about her family, her studies, or even inquire about her childhood.
- Open up to her.
If you want to maintain her trust, then learn to open up to her. Telling her things about yourself that you've told virtually no one—or anyone at all—will help her see that you truly trust and care about her. If you share personal information, she will understand that you trust her opinion and want to be completely honest.
- You don't need to talk about every detail that makes you feel uncomfortable. Let her see that you trust her in personal matters, and perhaps she will reciprocate.
If you make an effort for her to get to know you better, she will appreciate it and see your sincerity.
- Be honest with yourself.
If you really want to keep a girl's trust, act naturally. You may have changed some things in your life to gain her trust back, but don't change completely for her. If you feel like you're putting yourself down, sucking up, or spending all your energy trying to get it back, you may be trying to be someone else, and that will make you unhappy in the future.
- Ask yourself if you are comfortable with who you are now and if the girl trusts you rather than the new person you are trying to become.
- Know when it's too late.
Unfortunately, there is a possibility that you will not be able to regain her trust. If weeks or even months have passed and you don't feel stable, that you don't trust her, like she's constantly testing you, or you're constantly apologizing for what happened, it may be too late to change anything. Perhaps it is better for you to end this relationship and not try to restore what can no longer be returned.
- If you feel like you've done everything you can and she still doesn't trust you, it might be best for you to break up.
If it doesn't work out, consider another relationship after you learn from your mistakes.
- Once you realize that it's over, don't delay, it may only cause you more pain.
Even if you give her a thousand roses and go on a thousand dates with her, you will not win her trust. Unfortunately, most guys think that they have to somehow cajole a girl with gifts, court her and fawn over her so that she begins to trust them.
It's time to dispel this myth and tell you how you really need to win a girl's trust.
After all, trust in a new acquaintance and a girl’s trust in a guy are formed in completely different ways.
True trust is born precisely when she stops being afraid of many very important moments for her.
. If only you knew how many fears live in the heads of women. They even came up with a whole system (in common parlance - “checking”) that brings men to clean water. And to earn her true trust, you need to go through all these tests.
Both those who have just met a girl and those who have been dating her for a long time, but cannot move to the next level of relationship, will find a lot of useful information in this article.
How to restore the relationship between a man and a woman?
There is a common saying that time heals. This doesn't always work. There are women who are easily wounded - they will endure for a long time, remain silent, but then they will break off all ties with the man once and for all. And then, at a distance, without being cured of mental pain, continue to have warm feelings for the young man, but do not want to continue communication because of grievances.
Therefore, young people should be less impulsive and take girls’ words and wishes seriously, and girls should be sincere and patient.
