Obsessive thoughts - am I thinking about him, or is he thinking about me?

Our thoughts

Let's start with the fact that today everyone believes that thoughts are material. However, people have respected thoughts since ancient times. We all know that before we say something, we need to think carefully. This is the kind of advice wise people give.

From a metaphysical point of view, thoughts are a certain bunch of energy. This energy has a specific direction and may contain some information. In addition, it has a certain vibration frequency; at high intensity it can take on one form or another.

We make an excursion into metaphysics for a reason. Based on the understanding that thought is energy, we can understand why another person feels something when we think about him or her intently. The question of the origin and influence of thoughts has been of interest to scientists for a long time. There was an opinion that our brain produces thoughts like some other organ - a secret.

By the end of the 19th century, scientists came to the conclusion that it was impossible to explain how certain thoughts appeared in the brain. To date, this opinion has been preserved in principle, but it has been slightly expanded. Thus, researchers believe that thoughts and everything mental that is in our brain not only exists and is there, but is projected onto the world around us.

How does this affect the other person?

If you constantly think about a person, does he feel it? Yes, but he may not even realize it. When we think, we form a certain mental image and project it into the world around us. And then the thought itself, with a certain energy charge, reaches the addressee, that is, the person you were thinking about.

In other words, she seems to invade his space. But it is also believed that if you think about someone for a long time, you can form a psychological channel of communication with each other. That is why if you constantly think about a person, he feels it. If you fully understand this statement, then a lot becomes clear.

Often a girl can behave feignedly, coolly and distantly when she wants to show a young man that he is indifferent to her. Nevertheless, she constantly thinks about him, mentally returning to him again and again. But the young man does not know this, and for some time he is fooled by the girl’s game that she is indifferent to him, but then begins to lose interest. Why is this happening? This happens because subconsciously he feels some kind of conflict between the external and internal essence of the girl.

In fact, he cannot even explain to himself the reasons for the fading of his interest, but in fact they are very simple. It would be much better if the girl did not hide her true feelings. Of course, you don’t need to throw yourself on someone’s neck, but it is important to be sincere in expressing your feelings.

It is also important to be your own person. Many relationship coaches talk about this. They insist that a girl should have her own space, that she should be interesting and busy. Some understand the meaning of this message, but others treat it superficially. They just create the appearance that they have a bright and interesting life. But we must understand that the world is not so stupid, everything is much more complex and deeper. At a subconscious level, a person still understands another person, feels what interests and thoughts he lives with. That is why there is no point in lying. You are wasting your mental energy and time trying to create some kind of appearance. This is absolutely pointless; it’s better to spend this time finding something to do and have fun. So, we can conclude that if you miss a person, he feels it. And it is true.

In what cases is it worth erasing it from memory?

Women are more emotional than men and quickly become attached to their partners. Guys light up with lightning speed, but also cool down just as quickly. They can easily cut off all the threads, especially if they have not experienced strong feelings. In some situations, you can try to return the relationship. But there are times when a woman must realize that she needs to stop thinking about her ex-boyfriend and erase the memories from her life. Vivid examples:

READ How to understand that a guy wants to break up: signs of crisis and tips

1. He left for another girl. This means that he compared you and realized that she was better in many respects, or maybe he just fell in love with her.
2. He cheated and did not sincerely repent. In this case, the best option is to leave and forget about the existence of such a person, of course, if you are not going to forgive the constant betrayal throughout the rest of your life.
3. Gives a chance, but at the same time simply uses it. Some men may feel that someone is constantly thinking about them and take advantage of this. For example, a guy says he doesn’t mind dating you, but in reality he’s just having sex or asking to borrow a large sum. You are convenient in this regard, but not loved.
4. Assault or alcoholism. Remember that a man doesn’t like it if he hits you or drinks heavily, knowing how painful, unpleasant and uncomfortable it is for you. He may be attracted to you or it is convenient for him to have such a girl nearby, but this is not a love story.
5. He broke up, saying that he simply fell out of love and saw no point in continuing the relationship. You need to accept a man’s choice and appreciate him for his honesty, and not run after him, talking about your love with tears in your eyes.
6. He doesn't pay attention to you, doesn't agree to a date, says you're not his type.

In these cases, you should not hope for a relationship with your beloved young man. You need to get the man out of your head as quickly as possible and start a new life, in which there will be interesting acquaintances and other men.

Interesting confirmation

The fact is that the ideas we are considering have received their justification. The best way to trace a mental connection is between spouses or couples who communicate closely and love each other. At the same time, a strong communication channel is formed between them.

Such people can, even at a distance from each other, simultaneously do the same things, experience similar feelings, think about the same things. This is a very interesting phenomenon that shows how close people really are to each other and how close one can become to others. There is also a strong bond between parents and children, but only if they are on good terms.

How do you know that someone is constantly thinking about you?

Now let’s consider the main topic of our article and try to find out what will happen if you constantly think about a person. We will tell you about the main signs that will help you find out whether they are thinking about you or not. Do not assume that these are funny and frivolous signs.

If we consider this situation from the point of view of metaphysics and energy, it becomes clear that there are certain scientific facts behind all this. And the main thing is that a person feels a lot on a subconscious and emotional level, even if he is not aware of it. You've probably noticed that you have certain thoughts or feelings, although there is no apparent reason for their occurrence. This suggests that, most likely, you were influenced by some unconscious attitudes, that is, by someone from the outside, at a distance.

How to stop thinking about a guy

Here are some practical tips to help you break out of your dream world and look at this world in a new way.

1. Stop communication

“We broke up, but for some reason I constantly think about him” is a typical situation after a breakup. Accept that you can't just cut someone you've been with for a long time out of your life. This takes time. But you must understand that any contact with your ex strengthens your feelings. It is very difficult to stop thinking about a guy as a soul mate without stopping communication with him, especially if he was the one who initiated the breakup. In order not to aggravate an already deplorable situation, refuse any communications with him.

A conscious step would be a conversation in which you make it clear to the guy that you don’t want any contact with him in the near future. Any normal man should understand such a request and agree with it. If your ex-boyfriend cannot leave you alone, block all channels of communication with him. Avoid meetings, don’t answer phone calls, ignore him in instant messengers - do everything to minimize his presence in your life. If you can’t control yourself, add him to the blacklists - then you won’t even see his calls or messages. Try not to visit companies and places you have been to together.

1. Get rid of reminders

To cut a man out of your life, you need to stop thinking about him as your current partner. Why do you have some guy's photos and gifts in your house? You are no longer a couple, this man is no longer a part of your life. Hide any reminders of your time together. Memories are the most powerful magnet of the past. Scientists have not yet figured out how to erase your memory, but no one is stopping you from hiding everything that excites it and makes you think about your ex-boyfriend again and again. We do not recommend burning all photographs and throwing away souvenirs. Fold everything neatly into boxes and hide it in an inaccessible place: take it to your parents’ garage, to a friend’s dacha, or put it in the basement. The time will come when you will forget about it, and you will be able to look at these things with tenderness and pleasant nostalgia, they will no longer cause you a nagging feeling of melancholy and pain.

1. Don't follow him

Social networks are the scourge of modern society. You no longer need to hire a private detective to find out if he has a new girlfriend. Online spying is the most accessible way to find out everything about the life of a person. But you’re wondering how he’s doing now, right? You probably think that he is worried, writes sad statuses and posts sad pictures. Once again you want to make sure that he is suffering because of your breakup. Even if this is the case, you no longer need this relationship. You have decided that you are breaking up, and there is no turning back. Your path goes far, far in the opposite direction, on it you will meet new men, amazing events will happen, you will visit different places. Get off the beaten path onto the main road and walk along it with a firm gait. There is no turning back.

1. Find something to do for yourself

If you constantly think about the person you broke up with, you need to make a list of what you could do if you weren’t dreaming about him now, but got busy doing something. Did you come up with it? Now go and do it! A great way to distract yourself from obsessive thoughts is to switch your attention to some activity. It's better to choose something new that you've always wanted to try, but didn't have the time, energy or desire. Now is the best time to learn a skill or pick up an interesting hobby. When a person is passionate, he completely switches to a new task. A favorite hobby can turn your brain off from unnecessary ideas for a long time. If you don't have one yet, try different activities that have ever piqued your interest. Remember your childhood hobbies. Perhaps when you were a little girl you loved to draw or play the piano. Think back to what ever made you happy and do it again. There is no need to be afraid that you won't succeed or that you will look funny. Direct all your energy to creating or searching for new emotions. You will not regret that you exchanged tears for joy!

1. Play some sports

Why not switch your focus from your mind to your body if you are constantly thinking about one person? Sports are an excellent way to clear your head of unnecessary images. During physical activity, the body produces a number of hormones that help improve mood. It has been scientifically proven that after training, not only the physical, but also the moral state of a person improves significantly. Isn't this what you need now? You can go jogging, do exercises at home, or buy a gym membership. Breaking up with a guy is a great reason to get your body in great shape. Mentally thank him for giving you such a wonderful opportunity to become better and begin to improve your figure. Perhaps very soon someone will pay attention to her, and a new relationship awaits you.

1. Live in the moment

Erich Maria Remarque has these amazing words: “Trying to forget someone means remembering them all the time.” Don’t torment yourself with thoughts of how to stop thinking about the man you like. Better pay attention to what is happening around you now. The world has not stopped, trams still run on the rails - and you have passed the stop, it’s time to move on. Just imagine how many interesting things surround you at the moment: people, things, places! The past is just memories, they are illusory, and the present is reality, something that you can change right now. There are billions of possibilities around that pave the way to happiness from this very moment. You cannot miss such a chance, because living in the past means burying the present. Whether you become happy depends only on you, not on your ex-boyfriend. Therefore, seal your memories, like old photographs and gifts, in an imaginary box and put them on the farthest shelf. It's time to surround yourself with new things that bring joy and happiness.

1. Take a vacation

A change of environment is a bold and effective solution for getting rid of obsessive thoughts. There is nothing like traveling to stop constantly thinking about the man you broke up with. Take a vacation to get away from the normal lifestyle he has become a part of. Go to unfamiliar places, under no circumstances go to places where you spent time together. Now you need new impressions and emotions that can drown out your worries. Interesting acquaintances, exotic dishes, fiery parties and an azure beach are the cure for any suffering. You will be able to spend more time on yourself, sort out your thoughts, and look at the situation from a different angle. This reset helps your mind shift from established habits to the new way of living and thinking that you need now. Perhaps while traveling you will meet a man you like, because you will not have time to think about how to forget your ex, and you will feel loved again.

Unexpected emotionality

If you constantly think about a person, then, most likely, he will experience a strong surge of emotions. The same can be said about you if someone constantly keeps you in their thoughts. Surely you are familiar with this state, because it often happens that you are doing something calmly, measuredly and confidently, but for a moment you are overcome by a strong inner joy that does not have any external reasons.

It may also be that you are doing something, but some kind of sadness or melancholy comes over you. This happens quite often if you constantly think about a person. Psychology describes this phenomenon with the word “attachment.” In fact, people tend to perceive it negatively, but affection can also be positive. In this case, as you may have guessed, a connection is formed between people. The most interesting thing is that a surge of emotions and other manifestations can occur in a person who is constantly thinking about someone, and in the one who is being thought about.

Dreams

These are the doors to our unconscious state. If you haven’t dreamed of a person for a long time, and then he suddenly appears in a dream, then perhaps some kind of energetic connection has arisen between you. Perhaps he is thinking about you, so it makes sense to contact him.

And if you are constantly thinking about a young man, then quickly get busy with your own life and distract yourself, because the object of your affection will most likely feel the emotional energy directed at him and cool down a little, because you will no longer be as inaccessible as before.

Mysterious smile and sparkling eyes

The psychologist’s opinion on why it is normal to constantly think about a person is that we are social creatures, we need communication. At the same time, psychology suggests observing yourself or others in the company of certain people.

So, if when someone appears in the company you begin to feel joy, you simply glow and constantly smile, then this person means a lot to you. This seems obvious, but you may not be aware of your joy. Perhaps someone told you that in certain situations you become very welcoming and friendly, although you yourself did not notice it. Also observe how other people react to you. If you notice a long smile and happy eyes, then most likely the person thinks a lot about you and does not even realize that he is so happy about your presence.

Signs of love addiction

It is much harder to forget a guy if you are not just in love, but dependent on a young man. This condition can be compared to a disease for which no medicine can help. It is urgent to take active action if:

• there are no other interests except the object of sympathy, the whole life revolves around the beloved;
• there is a constant and irresistible desire to control every action of a man, while violating all boundaries;
• All you do is try to please the guy and fulfill the slightest whim;
• ready to tolerate any treatment, including disrespect, mockery, ridicule;
• ready to forgive absolutely everything, even such terrible things as betrayal, assault, humiliation;
• dependence on the mood of the partner is visible;
• there is constant uncertainty in the partner, fear that he will leave, doubt about the correctness of the relationship, despair.

If you recognize yourself in at least one point, then you need to get the man you like out of your head as soon as possible, and psychotherapy will help with this. It is not necessary to seek help from a psychologist, although this would be a good option. You can figure it out on your own. First, you need to realize that such love is destructive for both and will not lead to a strong, happy family. Next, you need to harmonize your state of mind, push the young man aside and see the world around you.

READ How to stop loving a girl you love very much: advice from a psychologist

The final step is to understand why the relationship has reached this level. Very often the problem begins in childhood. Until you sort out your past mistakes, you will not be able to build a happy future.

Psychotherapy is the only cure for love addiction!

In sight

If someone is constantly thinking about you, then this person most likely strives to constantly keep you in their sight. This is because he wants to be closer to you. This is a good way to determine whether your partner is interested in you.

So, if he is interested in you, wants to know with whom and how you spend your time, then he really is not indifferent to you. At the same time, remember that he may not look directly at you, but nevertheless he will always think and make sure that everything is fine with you if you are nearby.

Folk signs

You may have repeatedly had thoughts like, “Why do I keep thinking about him?” In this case, most likely you have fallen in love. There is no need to dramatize this event; it is better to rejoice and let this feeling into your life. If you cannot calm down and want to find out whether the object of your affection reciprocates your feelings, then watch yourself.

So, people believe that if your ears are burning or itching, then it is quite possible that someone is persistently thinking about you. If earlier this was considered a common sign, today researchers say that the human body and brain are closely interconnected. Sometimes we are not even aware of this connection, yet it exists.

Of course, you shouldn't exaggerate everything. If you suffer from allergies, then this is simply a physiological feature, and not another person’s constant thoughts about you.

But since we are talking about signs, we will add that if your left ear itches, perhaps someone is discussing you in a negative way. If your right ear is bothering you, then someone is saying something good, so you can relax.

How to stop thinking about a man: advice from a psychologist

1. Cognitive behavioral therapy

Changing your mindset is the first and most important step to healing. Understand that your experiences are not the result of a breakup, but your personal assessment of this situation. The breakup itself does not have a negative connotation, it is neutral. If you treated this person indifferently, then the separation would not have caused such a storm of emotions. You can radically change your opinion about a situation; you just need to understand that your assessment is not the truth, but only your belief. They, in turn, arise from a habitual way of thinking: you are just used to thinking that way. Cognitive behavioral therapy, which actually helps to correct your way of thinking, allows you to understand that the stereotypes that you developed during the time you were together have lost their significance. What used to be true (you were a couple) has now lost its relevance (no longer together). Now the stereotype has become false and no longer corresponds to reality.

1. Self-realization

A great way to stop thinking about a guy is to find yourself as an individual. Listen to yourself: what do you really need? What have you dreamed of doing all your life? What skills are you missing? Try to explore your inner world, look inward and understand who you are and what you want. Turn your attention away from the outside and focus on your own needs. Improving yourself gives strength and confidence. Such a person knows how to set goals, achieve them, be successful and happy.

1. Psychotherapy

In extreme cases, fixation on past relationships leads to mental disorders: the emergence of phobias and neuroses. If you cannot control yourself or break out of the vicious circle of obsessive thoughts, consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. A competent specialist will help you understand yourself, guide you on the right path and help you get out of depression.

Sudden sneezing

If you don’t know why you constantly think about one person, but want to understand whether he is interested in you, then you can turn to another belief. Do you suddenly sneeze, especially several times? Most likely, someone misses you. Again, if you are just sick or suffer from allergies, then there is no reason for this.

It also often happens that a person begins to blush for no reason at all. That is, he is in a calm atmosphere, has not been in the cold before, has not changed his activity in any way, but nevertheless he begins to blush. It's even more like a fever. If this happens to you, then be sure that someone is thinking about you, perhaps his thoughts have gone far beyond the bounds of decency.

Reasons why you need to forget a man

It's not easy to forget about your ex-partner. It’s best to start by understanding the reasons why relationships or communication are not worth your time:

READ

How to leave a guy so that there are no mutual grievances and reasons for revenge

1. Unrequited feelings.
2. Constant quarrels. If you can’t build a harmonious, comfortable connection, it may be a dead end. But the emotional swing is addictive. Both sides are plunged into depressing introspection. Without such psychological shocks, it becomes unusual, empty and even boring. Thanks to pop culture's romanticization of aggressive couples communicating, many people take this model for granted. One day, partners get tired of instability. There is a feeling of wasted years.
3. Partner's nagging, especially regular complaints about skills in bed and appearance. Bullying is not a concern. If a guy enjoys his own criticism, it is better to think about breaking up.
4. Sexual pressure. Only selfish people torture their partners with unpleasant sexual practices to please themselves. It is better to part with a young man who threatens to break up in this situation.
5. Cooled down feelings. It is important that attempts to save the union do not take years.
6. Treason. If there was more than one, then betrayals will be regular. You can accept it or leave to look for your person.
7. Abuse. The chosen one manipulates, devalues ​​his partner’s emotions, and deliberately confuses her. He belittles the girl’s dignity, sets conditions, threatens or begs for forgiveness with empty promises. Moral discomfort and complexes are unacceptable in love. All of the above is called “psychological violence.”
8. Physical violence (including beatings, rape). It is important to take into account the technique that most rapists use: declarations of love, beautiful gestures, pleas for forgiveness after the crime. Many crimes were committed in this way. You need to go to the police.

Rarely does one reason dominate. There are positive and repulsive sides that are difficult to understand. You can make lists of pros and cons, but this does not apply to violence. Psychological violence is often devalued, because it can be pleasant to be with an abuser.

It should be taken into account: if you are planning a family, then the children will feel the same persecution. The psychology of the rapist is based on complexes, immaturity, and the desire to assert himself. There are almost no cases when such partners changed.